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HARSH LIGHT OF DAY (4.3)

HARMONY: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
SPIKE: No.
HARMONY: Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
SPIKE: No. Wait, on second thought, yeah, go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.

HARMONY: You love that tunnel more than me.
SPIKE: I love syphilis more than you.

SPIKE: What a fantastic day. Birds singin', squirrels makin' lots of rotten little squirrels, the sun beaming down in a nice non-fatal way. It's very exciting. I can't wait to see if I freckle.
 

THE INITIATIVE (4.7)

SPIKE: I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before.
WILLOW: Maybe you were nervous.
SPIKE: I felt all right when I started. Let's try again.
SPIKE: Damn it!
WILLOW: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
SPIKE: Not to me, it doesn't!
WILLOW: It's me, isn't it?
SPIKE: What are you talking about?
WILLOW: Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. You didn't want to bite me, I just happened to be around.
SPIKE: Piffle.
WILLOW: I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, 'Oh, you're like a sister to me,' or, 'Oh, you're such a good friend.'
SPIKE: Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.
WILLOW: Really?
SPIKE: Thought about it.
WILLOW: When?
SPIKE: Remember last year? You had on that fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath.
WILLOW: I never would have guessed. You played the bloodlust kinda cool.
SPIKE: Mmmm. I hate being obvious. Being all fangy and 'Rrrr.' Takes the mystery out.
WILLOW: But if you could...
SPIKE: If I could, yeah.
WILLOW: You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.
SPIKE: Don't patronize me! I'm only a hundred and twenty-six!
WILLOW: You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again?
 

PANGS (4.8)

GILES: What are you saying?
SPIKE: I'm saying Spike had a little trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore.

SPIKE: Bloody hell, woman! You're cutting off my circulation.
BUFFY: You don't have any circulation.
SPIKE: Well it pinches.
 

SOMETHING BLUE (4.9)

BUFFY: You know what? I think you don't want us to let you go. Maybe we made it too comfy here.
SPIKE: Comfy? Do I look comfy? I'm chained in a bathtub drinking pig's blood from a novelty mug. Doesn't rate high in the Zagat's guide.

SPIKE: "Passions" is on! Timmy's down a bloody well and if you make me miss it I'll -
GILES: You'll what? Lick me to death?

BUFFY: Ceremony, guests, reception... there's so much to decide.
SPIKE: Well, first thing, I'd say we're NOT having a church wedding.
BUFFY: How about a daytime ceremony in the park?
SPIKE: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust.
BUFFY: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight only.
SPIKE: A warm spring breeze tosses the leaves aside and, again, you're registering as Mr. And Mrs. Big Pile of Dust.

BUFFY Honey, we have to talk about invitations. Do you want to be "William the Bloody" or, like just "Spike"? 'Cause either way it's gonna look majorly weird.
SPIKE: Whereas the name "Buffy" gives it that touch of classic elegance.

GILES: Stop whatever you're doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups.
SPIKE: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.

BUFFY: Xander, Spike is going to be my husband. I want him included.
SPIKE: I think I agree with Xander here. Seems like a lot of work for people who aren't us.

SPIKE: Don't I get a cookie?
BUFFY: No.
SPIKE: I gotta have something. I still got Buffy taste in my mouth.
BUFFY: You're a pig.
SPIKE: Yeah, well I'm not the one who wanted "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance.
 

HUSH (4.10)

GILES: The Gentlemen.
SPIKE: Don't know ‘em.
GILES: You're certain?
SPIKE: No. We're out of Weetabix.
GILES: We're out of Weetabix because you ate it all. Again.
SPIKE: Get some more.
GILES: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
SPIKE: Yeah, well sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
GILES: Well, since the picture you've just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again, I'm afraid you'll have to pick it up yourself.
SPIKE: Sissy.

SPIKE: I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away.

SPIKE: He better have cable ‘cause I'm not missing Passions.

SPIKE Don't see why I have to be tied up.
XANDER: It's just while I'm sleeping.
SPIKE: Like I'd bite you anyway.
XANDER: Oh, you would.
SPIKE: Not bloody likely.
XANDER: I happen to be very biteable, pal. I'm moist and delicious.
SPIKE: All right, yeah fine. You're a nummy treat.
XANDER: And don't you forget it.
 

DOOMED (4.11)

SPIKE: Yeah. Delivering melted cheese on bread. Doing your part to keep America constipated.

XANDER: You know I'm not any happier about you wearing my stuff than you are.
SPIKE: That cannot be true. Don't know how you let yourself be seen in this ... wanker-wear.

XANDER: Look at the happy. If we don't find what we're looking for - we're facing an apocalypse.
SPIKE: Really? You're not just saying that?

SPIKE: Yeah! That's right! I'm back and I'm a bloody animal! Yeah!!

SPIKE: What's this? Just sitting about watching the telly when there's evil afoot? Not very Industrious of you. I say we get out there and kick a little demon ass! Can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her, then. She is the chosen one after all. Come on! Vampires, grrrrrrr - nasty! Let's annihilate em! For justice! And... and for the safety of puppies... and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil!  Let's kill something!  Oh, come on!
 

A NEW MAN (4.12)

XANDER: That's my radio!
SPIKE: And you're what, shocked and disappointed? I'm evil.

ANYA: So what kind of place are you looking for?
SPIKE: I don't know. Maybe a crypt. Someplace, you know, dark and dank. But not as dark and dank as this.
ANYA: It's pretty depressing, isn't it?
SPIKE: I've known corpses with a fresher smell. In fact, I've been one.

SPIKE: And I'm supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart?
GILES: You, you help me and I don't, don't kill you.
SPIKE: Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter.
 

THE I IN TEAM (4.13)

SPIKE: Wipe your feet when you enter a person's home.
GILES: Yes, careless of me. Tracking mud all over your mud.
SPIKE: I'll admit... bit of a fixer-upper. Needs a woman's touch. Care to have a crack at it?
 

GOODBYE IOWA (4.14)

RILEY: That's hostile seventeen.
SPIKE: No. I'm just a friend of Xander's.  Bugger it. I'm your guy.
BUFFY: This is Spike. He's um. It's a really long story. But he's not bad anymore.
SPIKE: Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad! It's just... I can't bite anymore, thanks to you wankers.

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