Good evening, lads and lasses.
Well, this episode started really strong. Full of promise. It looked as if it was going to be a great, funny, stand alone episode, but, unfortunately, it got lamer by the act. Enjoy the teaser and act one. It's slow from there. By the end, I was wondering what the hell this dog and pony (and Mexican wrestling) show was about.
Tried a new tact for this week's eppy and actually watched it with pen and paper in hand. I wanted to see if it helped me remember since my brain is leaking like a sieve at the moment. Too much gunk in with the brain matter.
Without further ado...
Teaser.
Angel is hanging out in his office with Gunn, talking about all the good they are doing for puppies and Christmas and orphaned Vamplets. Much back patting in a sort of witty banter kinda way.
The mail guy, #5 (mask boy that we see in every ep in the background) is collecting his mail. Lorne stops him in his obvious contractual every ep cameo to discuss an absolutely relevant birthday conundrum, insulting Fred accidentally in the process, but he's Lorne, and he's funny, so I will forgive him.
#5 makes it to Angel's office and picks up some mail. Just then Wesley comes in and tells Angel about a rash of murders in town where the hearts of the victims are torn out. #5 gets a little freaky, which is obvious because of the facial expressions one can see through an S&M mask, and starts to walk out of the office. Angel still has a parcel to post and begins to chase him. When he catches #5, the little old postal dude tosses Angel through the office window!
Roll credits. ::::sigh::: Spike.
Back to the office. Spike, Fred, everyone but Lorne comes into the office to ogle Angel on the floor covered in glass. Spike thinks it's awfully amusing that the poofter got his arse whooped by a century old masked man. Still, he tells Fred that Angel tried to kick the old guy's butt and Fred gets all indignant in her cute way and asks if Angel hurt him. Spike tells Lorne that Angel slapped the old mail guy around. Very funny in a trouble starting kinda way.
Angel tries to defend himself and gets himself all puffed out (or is that his normal condition?), but Spike isn't going to let go that easy. I think the quote was "The geriatric community will be soiling their nappies when they find out *you're* on the case."
Now that's my Spike.
Spike and Fred in their complementary lab scene. I am beginning to think they just need their alone time because most of the time he's just giving her soft eyes and calling her "Pet" and she's just smiling coyly and wanting him to do it some more. No real point other than that. But can you blame her?
Still, Spike's barbs are on target again when he calls Angel "General GrumpyPants."
I don't know about you, but I think someone is reading my LJ. I seem to remember calling him Grumpy McGrumpyPants a few weeks back. Coincidence? I think not.
So, Angel, Wesley, Spike and Gunn go off in Angel's old car to look for the heart eating demon (almost forgot about him, didn't ya?) and Spike's in the front. Wesley asks why Spike gets to ride up there and Spike just answers "Called Shotgun, Mate."
Everything is so simple in the world of Spike.
Anyway, Angel suddenly slams on the brakes, making the car do one of those spinny things where it basically ends up parallel parked on the other side of the road. Spike lets out an indignant huff and says to the other two "He's always been a bit of a drama queen."
HA! Had me rolling.
The four of them find a body behind a fence with its heart torn out. Spike surmises Angel smelled it rather than saw it. Vampire's have a nose for the "ruby red." Nice image. No grapefruit juice for me tomorrow.
There's a big contrived fight scene and the Fang Gang is beaten. Spike tries to help, but keeps shooting blanks as he can't pick up the stick and wack the demon.
Okay, ignore the slashy and masturbatory tone of the last paragraph. Or go write a fic for me.
Back at W&H, Spike is plaguing Wesley. Can I be plagued next? Ghostie confronts the Marlboro!Man!of!Mysticism about the Shanshi Prophesy, questioning how they are sure it's about Angel. Does it mention the great poof's name? What are the criteria? Wait, didn't I meet them all LAST SEASON ON BUFFY OR DO YOU GUYS EVEN WATCH YOUR OWN SHOWS????
Wesley tells Spike it can't be him b/c he's a ghost. Now there are some powers of deductive reasoning, Wes. Spike wasn't a ghost *then*. He has become all ghost like *because* he was fighting with the Slayer at the End of Days on the Side of the Good and Dying to Live in a heroic fashion.
Spike... well, nolastname. Come on Down! You're the next winner on the Prophesy Is Mine! (cheers).
Wesley, not suitably distracted from his research by Spike's very valid line of questioning, finally figures out that the five brothers (don't ask me to write it in Spanish) killed the demon the first time around. He goes to tell Angel and explains all died in the battle but one. And that one is still alive.
Gee, I wonder.
But I'll have to wait until after the break.
:::Pee, Cigarette, French manicure, Half of War and Peace. Is it me, or are commercials getting longer::::
Surprise! We come back to our Puffy Crusader knocking on the apartment door of #5 (who oddly lives in#8).
"You were going to lure me into fighting the demon!" Exclaims #5 as Angel subtly pins him to a wall.
"No I wasn't! I was going to give you some mail!"
"Oh. Sorry."
Liked that bit.
We then find out that #5 was part of a Mexican Wrestling team called the Number Brothers. a+ for originiality when turning that one into something exotic with the use of Espagnol.
He tells Angel that the mask is to remind him about the uselessness of being a champion. Helping the Hapless, or some such. Series of flashbacks with a voice over about how the brothers were fighting in the ring in out. By day, masked wrestlers in the ancient version of Smackdown. By night... masked wrestlers in the ancient version of (demon) Smackdown.
#5 tells Angel that the brothers were together all the time. Night and day. Must have been hell on their sex life. Unless that was their kink.
In the flashback, the brothers get a call on the... well, it can't be the Bat!Phone. How bout the Talentless!Hack!Phone and let out a whooping war cry of "Hondele" (sp). Another A+ for orignality.
The Demon is an Aztec Warrior. The brothers go to fight him off and all die but one. Numbers 1-4 are wiped out in one fell swoop, leaving poor #5 alone, only to be recruited by the daastardly Wolfram and Hart. #5 knows that this Evil!Law!Firm is his brother's worse nightmare, but the offer is too good to refuse (sound familiar?) and so he takes the job.
Question. If this guy is recruited 50 years ago (because this demon rises every 50 years), and the poor mask wearing sap is still a mail boy, then how good can job advancement *be* at W&H?
#5 then goes off on the tangent about how he sets up a shrine for his brothers every year on the day of the dead and they never come. Angel tells #5 it's because he gave up.
We flash to a wrestling arena where #5 and Angel are watching a bunch of little people in masks (munchkins, lollipop guild anyone?) wrestling this big, rotund man. #5 is complaining that this is how his brothers are remembered. This is all they were good for.
Peaches then *launches* into his Pep!Talk!o!the!Day about how "You made a difference..."
:::Nim tosses supper into wastebasket she brought into TV room::::
#5 disappears in the middle of the speech. Good on ya, Mate!
Back to W&H where Wes and Gunn are researching the pattern of the heart scooping out deaths and in an enormous plot leap, they surmise that the demon is killing those with the hearts of heroes. You know, because there's only one definition of hero and all.
Flash to Puffy looking for #5. Angel sees him on a bus but as he watches him go, the Aztec Demon attacks him, tossinghim on a car and stabbing him through the belly with a sword (thank goodness they left the shirt *down* this time). We think the demon wants to take his Muffin!Mixy heroic heart but the demon backs away.
Not as heroic as you thought, eh General GrumpyPants?
Angel shows back up at W&H and meets up with Wes & Gunn. The Marlboro!Mystic and the Legal!Eagle then explain their findings and Angel tells them what happened.
Wesley" "I understand you're feeling rejected..."
Gunn: " But your heart is a hunk of twisted dead ass beef jerky"
Ha! Liked that bit too.
Wesley explains that the demon wants the heart for sustenance. Not for the metaphor.
Gunn leaves and Wesley confonts Angel about how his heart wasn't taken because he has stopped believing in the work. Spike had told Wesley that Angel had lost faith in the Shanshu, to which Angel admits. Hmmm, I lurve it when the writers write 2 parallel story lines and don't club us endlessly over the head with them....
Oh, and Angel almost lets slip about Connor, but saves his beef jerky ass.
Wesley tells Angel that he must have Hope. I wonder, is that a friend of Eve's?
Back in the lab, Fred finds that there is some sort of abnormality in the blood (of heroes, I think, Spike was in the scene and I got all woozy). Spike is looking at the screen with that intelligent, soft, thoughtful look on his face and says something wise and Angel asks if he knew that from cells they are looking at. Spike responds from the poetry.
I *completly* lost track of the words after poetry until Angel had to open his unbaked mouth again.
:::sigh::::
Gunn gets a brainiac legal idea to look for a contract and comes back into the lab, explaining that it's all about a talisman. Isn't it always? The demon is looking for it. It rises every 50 yrars around the day of the dead and yada yada....
Suddenly, Angel swoops out of the room.
Spike: "See? Drama Queen!"
Ha! Funny. Tee hee.
We next see #5 in the graveyard, lighting candles and drinking. Angel finds him there.
Wait a minute! That's Buffy's cemetary. Only in Spanish!
#5 has the amulet, but he swallowed it so the demon would have to kill him and send him off to his brothers in order to get it. The demon shows on the scene. #5 begins to fight the demon. Then Angel jumps in.
The Demon then stabs #5 and he falls on his brother's tombstone, leaving a painfully symbolic bloody handprint on the foam marble.
Angel then falls to the ground and a hand pops out of the dirt.
Commercial.
:::rest of War and Peace. Make some homemade wine. Walk the dogs. Balance my checkbook::::
Oh, the show started again!
The Number Brothers then begin to rise, still wearing their masks and startling non-decomposy. #5 is awe struck that his brother's finally came to see him.
There is then some testosterone induced clapping and a little gymnastic number and the brothers tear the rought iron fence apart, each taking a piece and giving the fifth to Angel in place of their wounded brother.
Wow. Big fight scene. The Number Brothres get all "Bring it On" and pin the demon to the ground as Angel sits there, buffing his nails. Finally, Angel realizes that standing there like a great pansy isn't helping much and stabs the pinned creature through the heart.
#5 is dying. Angel launches into Motivation!Speech one trillion and tries to comfort #5 who is also upset that the demon didn't take his heart.
:::Nim raises hand. I'm kinda glad when the demons leave my heart in my chest::::
Then #5 makes a revelation that the amulet is in the coffee. Angel's a little slow on this. But it wasn't really funny anyway.
The Other brothers come over just as #5 dies and collect his body. They walk back to the grave and poof. They're gone.
Back at W&H, Angel gives the amulet to Wes. Wes asks Angel if he's okay and Angel says he's fine. The rest of the Fang Gang (minus Lorne and plus Spike) are on the couch behind Wes. Angel tells them #5 died a hero.
Angel then goes to his apartment and walks for like a century. I think it's supposed to be sexy, but I keep hearing "Oh-wee-oh- *oh*- *oh*" going through my head.
After five or ten minutes of that, he goes to his room. I put my hands over my eyes and open my fingers just in case the anklet tries to come worming out, but I was spared. He opens a book and begins to read the Shanshu Prophesy, in English, no less, to himself.
Yours,
Nim
Fin.