Reviewed by Sanguine

"Hi, I'm Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Do you want fries with that?"

To quote Spike: "No! Please God, no!"

In Doublemeat Palace, Buffy experienced the pleasures of the fast food industry. Your intrepid reviewer, like Xander, has swum those murky waters. I have experienced the wonder of the wacky polyester uniform, the strange co-workers, the creepy manager, and smelling like fries no matter how many times I washed my hair. Oh, yes, my friends, I've been there. Done that. Do I want to watch Buffy go through the same experience, just for giggles?

A world of no.

That's not to say Doublemeat Palace, written by the usually splendiferous Jane Espenson, was completely devoid of interest. The episode demonstrated (much like Life Serial and Flooded and Wrecked) that the Scoobies are experiencing serious growing pains. Once again, the demons of immaturity, insecurity, and low self-esteem were the Big Bads of the week.

After Buffy's invisibility-induced epiphany, she realises she no longer wants to die. She wants to live! And if she wants to live, she must pay her bills. To that end, she decides that she should really find a job, so she applies for a sure thing: fast food. Why Buffy couldn't have found a more pleasant low-paying job is a puzzle to me. Wasn't the Espresso Pump hiring? Or why doesn't she write the Watcher's Council, asking them for a proper salary (Anya makes a good point about the superiority of the demon world--at least they pay their workers)? Or better yet, sue her deadbeat Dad for child support! I'm sure that someone would be willing to take her case pro bono. But noooo. Watching Buffy grill burgers in a hat that looks like a muppet committed suicide is far more entertaining.

Buffy thinks taking this job is a step in the right direction. Working at the Palace is mind-numbingly normal. Or is it? What is normal, anyway?

From the moment she watches the gruesomely funny training video (and why, pray tell, wasn't she on the clock?) Buffy suspects something is rotten in the state of Doublemeat. Her Slayer senses tell her the secret ingredient isn't a "meat process"--it's people! This is, of course, a case of Buffy "seeing demons where there's just life." She thinks she's uncovered a vast Doublemeat conspiracy, a conspiracy of pure evil. Instead, she's merely discovered that Doublemeat is not an advocate of truth in advertising. The "burgers" are made with meat-flavoured vegetable patties. On the other hand, the little old lady who seems so innocuous turns out to be the real baddie. Just shows that it pays to keep an open mind when assessing people's intentions--perceptiveness and tolerance are skills all the Scoobies need to hone.

Speaking of those who have been misunderstood by the Scoobies, the Slayer's shag toy, I mean Spike, drops by Buffy's place of employment to visit the woman that in his poor deluded mind he probably considers his girlfriend. This week Spike seems to be in his Gray!Spike incarnation, complete with a Gray!Sweater, just in case anyone missed the writer's intentions. He gently teases Buffy, but when that fails to grab her attention, he intimates that she's a demon. Now Buffy's listening. She disagrees with Spike's assessment of her "wrongness" and Spike, as usual, shows an uncanny ability to cut to the heart of the matter. He knows the reason why Buffy took such a menial job. "Normal job for a normal girl?" He also realises that "[she's] not happy here" and tells her, "you're better than this." Just a few moments before, Spike had implied that Buffy was a demon, but his declaration that she's "better" than fast food work (and perhaps, implicitly, better than he is), is telling. Spike admires Buffy and her remarkable abilities and feels that such work demeans her. To alleviate her financial problems, he even offers to get her money. Spike, sans moral compass, might do something truly boneheaded to get this fundage, and I suspect much badness could ensue.

Unfortunately, Buffy doesn't listen to Spike's words of wisdom, and she continues to desperately cling to her dream of a normal life. Her continued refusal to accept Spike's overtures of friendship marks the beginning of the end of their affair. The Slayer can't be bothered to banter with him and even their screwing in the alley seems perfunctory rather than passionate. What a change from the scorching sex we saw in Smashed! During her joyless bout of Alley!Sex with Spike, Buffy looks rather bored (or perhaps it's discomfort from the bricks digging into her back, or maybe she's just wondering what the hell she's doing). Her encounter with the Bleached One takes place next to a prominently-placed sign professing the virtues of Teamwork. Perhaps these crazy kids would make better partners than lovers, at least for the time being. In any case, Buffy seems to be developing immunity to Spike's sinister attraction. One should not look bored when having Spike!Sex. Schadenfreude is understandable. Apathy isn't. It's Spike. He may be many things, but he's not boring. Ahem. I digress.

Willow is also desperately trying to be normal, and like Buffy, she's failing miserably. Willow continues to go "cold turkey" (Yay! Another drug metaphor!) But Amy, the evil pusher, comes by to tempt her with a free gift of magic that's like a "trip [snort] to Disneyland without the lines [double snort]." Gee. Two uses of drug-related slang in one sentence. Willow is so wrapped up in her own problems, that even when she's supposed to be doing tests on Doublemeat burgers or checking up on Buffy, she's completely preoccupied by her own magic addiction. "Don't need magic," she says like a mantra while performing the test on the burger wrapper. Then she fesses up about her relapse via the drive-through speaker, while inside the Palace Buffy's being attacked by a demon. Willow barely seems to notice that her friend is not answering. At least Willow eventually saves the day, killing the thing with good old-fashioned ingenuity and brute force. Not magic!

Similarly, Anya has also been grappling with her lack of normality. Xander reminds her everyday of her ex-demon status, correcting her instead of accepting her. The appearance of her friend, Halfrek, brings the situation to a head. Halfrek is a demon and is proud of it. She is disturbed to see her old friend, Anyanka, subjugated by a man. Anya realises that Xander does belittle her and demean her and dammit, she doesn't like it. You go, girl.

Xander is too wrapped up in his own problems to care about Anya's concerns. True, it must have been disconcerting when Halfrek appeared in his living room, threatening vengeance. But Xander has never been the most open-minded person about demons (ironic that he's planning to marry one) and instead of getting to know one of his fiancee's best friends, he heads for the hills. He then wonders if Anya looked as veiny and disgusting in her vengeance demon days. Ah, Xander--lapsing into shallowness. Never mind that Anyanka killed thousands of people. What Xander is really worried about is how she looked while doing it. Xander continues in this self-absorbed vein in his conversation with Dawn. Dawn mentions that her friend's sister is a lawyer. Xander immediately jumps to the conclusion that it's All!About!Him and thinks Dawn is implying that he should sue over the Doublemeat Medleys that he ingested (while chewing with his mouth open--blech). In actuality, Dawn, showing remarkable insight and maturity, is actually thinking about her poor sister's plight. "She's gonna have crap jobs her whole life," Dawn realises. Xander fails to see the problem and jokes that maybe Dawn could be a lawyer or doctor. Then she could "use the money to support her deadbeat sister." Charming, Xand-man. Really charming.

Doublemeat Palace did have a few fine moments--in particular the training video was laugh-out-loud funny. But Willow's line, "Hey! Respect the narrative flow much?" was unintentionally ironic, considering it came at the beginning of an episode that dragged so badly I was wondering what was happening on Gilmore Girls. Unfortunately, the writers of BTVS are not respecting the narrative flow this season. As a result we've had some really great episodes (Afterlife, Once More with Feeling, Tabula Rasa) and some episodes that were "mostly filler." After watching this week's episode, I found myself wondering, "Where's the Beef?"

Buffy wants the fire back. I want the substance back. Bring on Dead Things!