I had *such* high hopes for this
episode. I mean, A Wes heavy ep is always good for me. I have eyes with
which to see, and all. But as much as I wanted to like it, I really found
myself rather bored. It was almost as slow as those Jasmine eps last season.
And I'm easily entertained right now, with the large dose of painkillers.
The highlights? Well, Spike amused the heck out of me. But then again, he could entertain me standing there and reading the phone book! And lots of Marlboro!Mystic close ups with the almost return of Dark!Wes, who I dearly loved (a moment of silence for Lilah, please).
So, let's get on with the show.
The opener. Set in a warehouse with some mobish looking men standing behind a table while another, obvious dealer of some sort, is talking. We don't see at first that the man sitting across from him is none other than our drool-worthy Wes, with his darker attitude on. :::sigh::::.. Gotta love it when Wesley says things like "Right now, you're standing on the brink of my patience." So commanding. So in control. So…
:::Spike!Bot kisses back of Nim's ear and focus is back on story::::
Fred then comes out, carrying a big case. Obviously, the object being bargained over. And she's talking tough too. Dark!Fred is in the HOUSE! So, we now know that this is an arms deal.
An arms deal? (Let me clarify, arms as in guns. With W&H, an arms deal could involve a bucket of body parts just as easily!).
Wes insists on meeting the man's distributor. Just then, a grappling hook shoots down from the ceiling and wraps around the neck of one of the mob guys, pulling him up in a rather bloody fashion. Wes runs to cover Fred and hides them both behind boxes. A gunfight breaks out and Wes gets up in slow motion, two guns blazing, Marlboro!Mystic vibe in tact and ….
:::Bot now nips ear to remind me to which fan faction I belong. Pat Spike!Bot's behind and assure him that I will drool even more over him when the time comes::::
Angel suddenly pops into the fight, coz you can't fight in LA without him - it's a law, and Ninjas start popping out of the woodwork. Ninjas? Come on guys. The single most overused bad guy in history. Not to mention that it's so 1984. But, yes, it's NINJAS and they bring quite the can of whoop ass to our W&H good guys.
Ah, but there's a random plot twist. As Angel "kills" one of the Ninjas, it sparkles, and not in a good effulgent way. It's a Robo!Ninja ! Oh great, the other most overused bad guy in sci-fi. No, no one's ever seen a Robo!Ninja before, Joss. What a smashing idea!?
A moan brings both boys back to reality. Well, it would. They both run over to the sound and discover that Fred has been… grappled? Well, whatever you call it when you're attacked by a grappling hook. I know it happens to me all the time, but, alas, I forget the name.
Guilty!Wes looks devastated.
Roll credits ::: Vamps, Knives, Stakes. Hey look, it's the Pointy!Phallus!Hour::::
Roll Commercials.
:::Nim boosts Spike!Bot's bruised ego by telling him repeatedly that his abs are indeed better, and he's far more redeemed. He hadn't tied a woman in a closet since, well, not counting this morning…::::
Back to the show.
In Angel's office, Angel is giving Wes the what-for about bringing Fred along on the mission. She could have *died*! Last I've checked, Fred does all right for herself, thank you very much, but still, they argue. Eve is there, as Angel's faithful … something… and she tries to smooth it over. But Angel rips into Wes and not in a good, wholesome, slashy kinda way.
Wes then leaves the office, and Eve tells Angel that he's been too hard on the poor ex-Watcher. Ooh, then Eve calls Angel to the carpet on still being mad at Wes about stealing Connor. Angel argues that Connor has nothing to do with this, but Eve prods him, asking what will happen The!Next!Time Wesley betrays him.
Dunh, dunh, DUNH!
Wes then goes to his office. Fred comes in, being her normal, chipper, babbly self, and Wes interrupts her, apologizing that he didn't protect her. This insults Fred (thank you!) because she chose to go and she can handle herself. She calls him a self-serving child (or something like that. If it's not in quotes, I don't claim to remember it exactly). Suddenly, Wes's eyes get soup-plate large and he says "Hello, Father."
Fred looks at him strangely, like he's trying to say "Who'syadaddy?" or something, but then turns around and realizes that there is indeed a stuffy, father-type person in the doorway. The man introduces himself as Rodger Wyndam-Pryce. I kept waiting for him to add the title "The Great Mumbler." My whole family consists of European expats. And none of them mumble quite that badly.
Anyway, Wes is confused as to why his father is there. Daddy Dearest says he has business to discuss. Wes is disappointed, hoping it was a social visit. Don't worry, Wes, we'll drop by later and bring crumpets. Or strumpets. Whichever you prefer.
Fred leaves and Rodge goes on to explain how the Watcher's council was destroyed last year and that he and other survivors were going to rebuild it. This group of mystery men had him contact Wesley. Wesley assumes that this is because they want to reinstate him, but his father reminds him that Wesley was one of the greatest embarrassments to Watcher-kind. No, buddy, that horrid suit and your mumble is far more embarrassing. Leave my Wes alone!
:::Nim has to calm Bot who gets randy when his Mistress gets riled up. Down, Bot, down::::
Rodger then explains that the Council will *dain* to take Wesley back if he, his father, evaluates him to be worthy. Wes cuts him short and tells his dear old that he's not interested. His father brings up W&H's reputation for evil and that Wesley owes it to himself and his family to clear their name. (Argh, I want to kill this butthead father). Wesley repeats that he's not interested and that W&H is a powerful weapon and that they take their positions at the firm very seriously…
Guess what happens next? No… guess!
Come on. With that lead in?
Lorne comes into the screen, having a chat with Lou Gosset, Jr on his mobile. Of course, Lorne's conversation, not to mention his horns, insults Rodger's delicate sensibilities (grrr) and he's quite put off as Lorne genially introduces himself as the head of the entertainment division.
Lorne does make a funny though about how Daddy Dearest resembles a slashy love child. Tee hee.
Gunn then appears, slightly more respectable to Mr. Prissybritches than Lorne. Gunn introduces himself and then sends Wes off to the lab to see what Fred has figured out about the Robo!Ninjas (other than they're LAME). Wesley invites his father to come with him. Man, his father is just a social jerk. The kind of person one meets at a cocktail party and wants to bludgeon with one of those weenies…
:::No, Bot. Not that kind of weenie. Let me finish the review::::
In the lab, Fred is explaining the inner workings of Robo!Ninja to Angel. It's a Robot. It's a Human. It's … Nah, won't go there. Spike knocks a beaker off of the counter and is very excited about his control of reality. He also explains that the Robo!Ninja could be the product of the mating of a robot and a human. You know, because boffing robots isn't so uncommon, really.
Stars, I miss the Buffy!Bot.
And YAY Spike for waking me back up.
::::"See, I'm a bit of all right, Pet".
"Bot, that's Spike. You're the Spike!Bot."
"Want to see if we can mix up one of those Robo!Gits then?"
Nim sighs. "Bot, go play fetch with the Puppy. It's his birthday."
"Aw, pup's birthday"
Runs happily off:::::
So, Wes and his horrid excuse for a parent show up (extending the bad image of parents in the JossVerse). Spike comes up to introduce himself and Rodger said they had met in 1963 when Spike had been eating his way through an orphanage…
WAIT A MINUTE? SINCE WHEN WAS SPIKE A BABY KILLER? RET-CON MUCH?
:::Bot, get ready to mobilize on ME Headquarters::::
Anyway, Spike asks how he's been since then.
Then Angel introduces himself to the father from hell. Rodger won't dain to take the monster's hand (okay, I don't defend Angel much, but this guy is a jerk). Fred bails them all out and she and Knox distract Rodger with the grizzly corpse. That always is a welcome distraction for me at least.
Wesley comes over to the corpse and begins to read the language written in the Ninja!Bot's entrails (made in Taiwan, I'd wager), and accidentally activates a bomb!
Cut to commercial!
:::Nim thanks goodness as she's about to go through the TV and punch out Rodger for being such an unabashed pr**k and then ME for boring me with lame bad guys and Spike retcons. But Bot comes back in room and gives me more percoset and reminds me that Wes had guns and I like Wes and Guns and Spike and all is well again::::
Back to the show.
There is much panicking in the lab as Wes calls for a full scale evacuation of the building. Wes and Fred begin to work on the Robo!Ninja in a scene reminiscent of Armageddon when the two astronauts try to disarm the nuclear bomb on the asteroid (or maybe it was the sexy men with weapons that reminded me of that). Spike, meanwhile, begins to panic as well, until it occurs to him that he is a ghost, therefore dying isn't really an option.
I lurve Spike!piphanies. Ooh, and they *stick*!
Father!of!Jerkdom then, miraculously, turns the bomb off, telling Wes it was quite simple if he read the inscriptions properly. Gee, thanks dad. Public humiliation always motivates me to be a better person.
All together now… poor Wes.
Back into Angel's office where Angel is demanding an explanation. Spike, in his meaningful comic relief role, starts hopping up and down and drooling… no, that was me… oh, and says that "When Percy here was younger (points at Wes), he was known as Head Boy!!" Harry Potter reference? I'll let *you* decide.
Angel dismisses Spike and allows Wes to explain what really happened. Why'd you do that Angel? That was the most interested I'd been since Marlboro!Mystic with two big guns in the Teaser?
Fred remembers that Lorne is entertaining Captain Prissybritches and decides that that's probably not such a good thing and takes off to find him. Angel and Wes have a heart to dead, twisted piece of beef jerky and Angel points out that he understands how Wesley's father rattled him back in the lab and that it wasn't his fault. Okay, Angel, you've got me here. I agree and you made sense.
See, even *I* can admit when you're right.
Then Angel goes on about fathers and sons and how it's hell sometimes. The Poof then gives Wesley a report of other Ninja!Bot attacks (wow, they must have gone through millions of 80's movies to find those) and Wes surmises that it seems as though the Robo!Fighters are on the same side. Then why are they trying to kill Angel and company?
Overuse of gel, maybe?
Meanwhile, Fred talks to Mr. Wyndam-Pryce and tells her baby stories of Wes. Like that time he read a resurrection spell for a birdie when he was seven (honestly, that was too endearing for words. Aw, how cute Wesley!?)
::::Nim strokes Spike!Bot's Bedhead!of!Redemption. "Don't worry, honey. You're cuter"::::
Wesley then asks his father, or sperm donor as I didn't see much of a father there, to help him research these horrid Ninja!Bots. Why, Wes, Why? Nothing you do will ever satisfy the man. Just tell him to Bugger off, already!
Once inside the library, Wesley's father confronts Wes about Fred. They then argue about how little they know about each other. Daddy then starts giving Wes relationship advice. HA! That's like taking sex advice from a hermit nun. But still, dad goes for it. He also starts in on Wes about how dangerous the magical books Wesley is in charge of really are and that leaving them lying about all Willy Nilly is really stupid of Wes.
Would someone kill this moron already?
Suddenly, we're on the roof. And so are three Robo!Ninjas. Things are about to get rough and tumble.
Flash to elevator. Eve gets on (she's still not impressing me). Spike is already in there. They have a little conversation where Spike tells her she can't seem to keep her eyes off of him. Well, duh, Spike.
::::"I feel better now, Pet. Can we have another snog?"
"Not until after the review, Blondie Bear. Can I have some cocoa?"
"Anything for you, Love." :::::
Spike confronts Eve about there being more to her than she lets on. That he's trapped at W&H for a reason and she's a part of it. That the amulet was meant for Angel, it was given to him, and so this was supposed to be Angel's fate and Spike wants to know why. (Aside, thank goodness they let Spike say a little in an episode that was not just comic relief. I thought he was becoming a stand up comedian there for a while).
Eve comes back with the biggest revelation thus far, in my opinion.
"Who said the amulet was meant for Angel?"
This opens a whole world of possibilities that I am sure we can debate until the end of time, but the first thing that pops into my mind is Shanshu, anyone?
The lights go out.
"You'll never take me to Hell, Pervane!" Spike screams into the darkness.
Emergency lighting comes on and Eve is giving Spike a hilarious look and he sort of blushes in a ghosty kind of way. "What? Just something I say. When it gets dark."
Awww! Spikey's afraid of the dark! I'm melting. I warned you I was a Spike fan.
Back in the lobby with Wes and Angel and the ninjas begin to appear out of the woodwork.
Meanwhile, Wes and father fight one of the Robo!Creeps, successfully, and grab the books, running into the vault. See, Wes, he *told* you that it was dangerous to leave them lying about. Grr…
Finally, they get themselves and the books to safety and Wesley's father *compliments* his son on how he handled the situation. Okay, Wesley, I know that you're desperate for this moron's approval, but he couldn't have given you a bigger hint that he was about to hit you over the head with the butt of gun if he'd said "I'm going to hit you with the butt of a gun now."
So, Captain Prissybritches hits his son with the butt of a gun, steals his keys and opens a drawer, removing yet another phallic symbol with a crystal ball on top. In that covert, Riley Finn style, daddy then begins to talk into the air while pressing on his ear. You know you're bad when I relate you to Riley.
And how can people hear you better when you stick your finger in your ear?
Commercial break.
:::: Yes, Bot. I know! He can sleep in his new little puppy house and we'll have the bed and all the Ready Whip you could… Oh! Back so soon? Dammit! Has to wait, Love:::::
Angel and Gunn are getting pretty whooped by the ninjas.
Wes is passed out on the vault floor. But he wakes up and finds his way out of the secured area, only to find the wounded Ninja!Bot right where he and his father had left him. In a massive plot leap, Wesley figures out that the ninjas and daddy dearest are playing for the same team (or maybe I'm just slow and there was no leaping), and that Rodger is the one that is pulling the puppet strings on the Robo!Ninjas. Wesley begins to torture the ninja for details. Ah, back to Dark!Wes. He may not be so nice, but he's *hot*.
Meanwhile, back in the lobby, Angel and Gunn are still getting the snot kicked out of them. Gunn gets thrown up a flight of stairs and then wrangled by a ninja who wraps his steely arms around Gunn's luscious neck (oh, sorry, snapping into fic mode) and begins to strangle the Legal!Eagle.
And, to the best scene of the whole episode, in my opinion. Spike sees Gunn getting strangled and like a *true* hero, he yells "Gunn!" and rushes to his aid. Now *that's* what I like to see.
Spike *has* been redeemed, Dammit!
The ninja is still strangling Gunn, who is staring desperately at Spike. Spike's standing there in fighting stance looking like he might be suffering from trouble with a bodily function when Gunn sort of urges him to hurry it up. Spike tells him to that he has to concentrate. When Gunn tries to move it along again, Spike shush's him and gather's up all his will and…
…punches the ninja out. GO SPIKEY!
They finish off the ninjas and Spike tells Gunn and Angel that Eve is still caught in the elevator. Gunn tells Spike to call maintenance, which he's about to do, when, in another Spike!Piphany, he realizes he really doesn't care that much.
Me neither, Spike. Me neither.
Father runs into Fred as panicked people flee the scene of the ninja awakening and tells Fred that Wesley wants to meet Angel on the roof. Can you say L-A-M-E S-E-T U-P? Sorry, but even I could have done better than that. Fred, however, can be a little naïve and helps the old fart find Angel . Angel delegates his manpower and then follows Wesley's dad onto the roof.
Well, that was a mistake.
Rodger pulls out the Evil!Crystal!Phallus and tells the Vamp that this wasn't about Wes at all. The phallus then begins to suck (eww on the visual there) the life out of Angel, or the essence, or something that makes Angel over-dramatically fall to the ground.
Commercial Break. "Ever have that not so fresh feeling…"
Back to the show.
Daddy Dearest is draining Angel with the Evil!Crystal!Phallus while pushing on his ear in the Riley Finn throw back, telling the Robo!Ninjas that their mission has been accomplished.
Not so fast, daddy.
Wesley comes out onto the roof, aiming a gun at his father. Wesley. Gun. No, not Gunn, you pervs. Gun. A moment to reflect on that sexy fact.
Wesley explains how the Evil!Crystal!Phallus stole Angel's free will and made him a slave. At some point, daddy got a gun and Wesley got the phallus, but I was too distracted to notice how that happened. Did I mention the Marlboro!Mystic Wes is hot!
:::Not as hot as you, Bot. Never::::
All the while, the crotchety old Watcher is putting Wes down for all his inadequacies. You know what, old man? People who do that usually have… small body parts. And aren't nice.
Fred then comes out onto the roof, looking for Wes. Despite all the drama, she runs into the thick of it and kneels down by the weakened Angel's side.
Wesley confronts his dad about why he hates him so much, all the while, walking towards the edge of the building with the staff. You see, if the crystal breaks, Angel's free will is restored. Daddy tells Wes that he'll kill him for the staff. Nice guy.
Wesley doesn't seem to care. If his father shoots him, Wes drops the phallus and the crystal breaks, restoring Angel's will and thus foiling the Evil!Mission.
Daddy didn't think of that. But here's this lovely piece of bait…
Wesley's father grabs Fred in order to use her for leverage, but before he can even utter a word, Wesley unloads his entire round into his father to save his unrequited love. Wes then drops the gun and walks away, devastated.
Aw! Poor Wes! Even Spike!Bot agrees.
Suddenly, his father begins to spark! He's a Ninja!Bot too!
:::"You know, Pet, that's not what it looks like when Bots die."
Strokes Spike!Bot's bedhead softly. "I don't ever want to find out"::::
Back in Angel's office. Angel is sitting uncomfortably on his couch as Wes walks in, still devastated. Angel tells Wesley that the worst part about losing his free will is nausea. Okay, it made me smile. Wesley comments that the ninjas went for him because he's weak, but Angel begs to differ. He tells Wesley how much he admires Wes's strength and how he was surprised at how he was able to be that strong all the time. It was a surprisingly unannoying pep talk for Angel, based on the last few episodes. He doesn't get called Muffin!Mix this week.
Angel makes sure Wes remembers that he really didn't kill his dad. But Wes isn't so convinced. They tell each other to get some rest. Not together.
Spike is sitting on a couch waiting for Wes. In a sort of sad effort at comforting the ex-Watcher, Spike tells Wesley the story of his mum's death and undeath and re-death. "Well, first I killed her and then she tried to shag me and…"
Okay, Wes, I'm with you. TMI, Spike.
Fred comes to Wesley in his office. She's all misty eyed and obviously moved by what Wesley did. She tries to comfort him by reminding him again that it wasn't really his father that he killed. Wesley explains that it *was* him. At least he was convinced it was when he did it. And he killed him. For her. TO be hers. To be a man…
Ooops, wrong love story.
But that was the kind of, albeit less dramatic, vibe that this scene produced. The magnitude of what Wes would do for Fred. Fred is speechless, looking as if she's struggling with a Sling!Piphany, when Knox interrupts. As much as I like him, I wanted him to BUGGER OFF.
But no, Wes sends Fred off with Knox as he's supposed to take her home.
(OT Question - I thought they all lived at W&H now?)
Knox wraps his arm around Fred in a gesture of familiarity and they leave together. My heart broke for Wesley then.
Finally, Wes sits down at his desk and picks up the phone. It's pretty obvious who he's calling, but his mum answers and he speaks briefly to her before asking for his father.
Just as the Ninja!Bot version would have, Wesley's father immediately launches into him for calling and for the time and for everything else Wes has ever done, but Wes explains that he's calling just because he wanted to see how his father was doing.
:::sniffle:::: Poor Wesley.
The last scenes were definitely the most poignant. If only the rest of the episode could have had a fraction of their power.
However, the promo for next week looked good. Yummy William. Except I didn't need to see Angel playing mattress bounce with Dru and his Anklet!of!Lurve. Eww.
So, that's my take, in a nutshell. I'm *quite* sure that many of you will agree and many of you will think I'm on drugs (which I am, legally, thank you very much!), but that's my opinion of the episode. I wish that there could have been more meat on the bone, but I didn't see it as bad.
Now can we have more Spike doing something other than making me giggle? Like maybe a plot?
Respectfully Submitted,
Nimue.
:::"Okay, bot. I'm done."
"Bout bloody time. Come on over here, Love." ::::
Fin.