I am the very model of a vamp of cool malevolence,

I stalked the streets of Sunnydale, with no thoughts of benevolence,

I feasted on live happy meals, caused havoc in a general way,

I fought some violent battles, but the Slayer didn't get to slay.

I feast on haemoglobin (fresh) in copious capacity,

I'm known for being quick and smart in matters of mendacity,

My nourishment in liquid form, was gained through pure ability,

I trapped 'em will a cheeky smile and natural bold callidity.

Without a block I find my tan becomes exaggerated,

In solar form, find Effulgence is vastly over-rated;

Incandescence doesn't suit my hair, I want to keep it blond not bare, To

wash with holy water isn't something that I'd ever dare.

I've moved around the this big old world from London Town to

Sunnydale,

And in my wake I left behind a trucidation horror trail,

With Megaera inspired mob, in Prague I nearly paid the fee,

For some obscure reason they all thought a stake quite suited me.

I fought with Vampire Slayers brave, and twice I was victorious,

In every way I have to say the taste was meritorious,

But then I fell foul victim to delusional inquisitors,

They inserted in my cranium a vampire snack inhibitor.

With this chip inside my head, my street cred 's in remission,

To munch on sentient creatures I now need their full permission,

I've let behind pure viciousness, I'm giving up Maleficence,

Yet still I look the model of a vamp of cool malevolence.

In former life my verses met offensive derogation,

Mediocrity was ripped from me by swift exanimation,

I cut a swathe, across the world from century to century,

I kept my looks and did not age in spite of bold adventury,

I never had suspicions my mordacious traits were ending,

But now I find I'm being kind and evil way I'm mending,

The slayer she is pretty hot, a distraction oh-so interesting,

I find I'm having lots of fun (with luck I'll get some action in).

The robot was a bad mistake and something well best forgotten,

I've tried to prove successive times I'm something not so rotten,

I've let behind Maleficence, I'm taking up benevolence,

Yet still I look the model of a vamp of cool malevolence.