This song is hard and it's not really designed for guitar - when I get round to it, I'll tab out the chords, but at the moment you'll have to make do with these crazy piano chords.

|F7sus4                   |F7sus4
This is the man that I plan to entangle.
|F7sus4       |Fsus4  Ebsus2/F
Isn't he fine?
|G7sus4                         |G7sus4
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle.
|G7sus4         |G
Vengeance was mine.

    |Am7/G        |C7
But I'm out of the biz.
      |F                      |G7
The name I made I'll trade for his.
     |Am           |C
The only trouble is...
|Gsus4  |Gsus4
I'll never tell.

|F7sus4     Cm7/F
She is the one,
                |Cm7/F
She's such wonderful fun,
     |Cm7/F             |Cm7/F  Cm7sus4/F
Such passion and grace.
|G7sus4
Warm in the night
               |G7sus4
When I'm right in her tight embrace
|G7sus4   G     |G
Tight embrace

    |Csus2/G       |C7
I'll never let her go.
      |Fmaj7                       |G
The love we've known can only grow.
         |Am7                        |C
There's just one thing that  -  no.
   |Gsus4           |Gsus4
I'll never tell.
                       | F         |Ab |G|G
'Cause there's  nothing to tell.

|G
He snores. She wheezes.
       |G
Say "housework" and he freezes.
      |G6                                         |(Am7)    D
She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe.
|Am7
I talk, he breezes.
|F/A
She doesn't know what please is.
     |D                                      |Am7     D
His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe.

    |G  |D/F#              |Em7   |G/D
The vibe     gets kind of scary.
             |C
Like she thinks I'm ordinary.
           |Cm
Like it's all just temporary.
          |D
Like her toes are kind of hairy.
            |Am7      D7
But it's all very well.
          |C              Eb6          G|G|G
'Cause god knows I'll never tell.

|G
When things get rough he
|G
Just hides behind his Buffy
        |G6
Now look he's gettin' huffy
              (Am7)           D
'Cause he knows that I know.

|Am7
She clings, she's needy,
       |F/A
She's also really greedy
        |Am6
She nev-er ...            - This is
        His eyes are beady!

|Am7          D
my verse Hello    She-

|G7(b9)     C7     |G7(b9)     C7
|G7(b9)    C7  |Bb  A Bb A    |
|G7(b9)    C7  |G7(b9)    C7  |G7(b9)    C7
|Bb  A Bb A   ||Bb  A Bb A
|G    |G    |G6    |D
|Am   |F/A  Am6  |Am7 Am7(b5) Am7

       |G     |D/F#
You know...
                     |Em7               |G/D
You're quite the charmer.
                           My knight in armor.
                 |C
You're the cutest of the Scoobies
                |Cm
With your lips as red as rubies.
               |Dsus2
And your firm yet supple-
            |G7(b9)    C7  |A   Dsus2  G
Tight em-brace!
|G   |D/F#   |Em7  |Csus2/D|G|G

|G
He's swell.
                 She's sweller.
       |G
He'll always be my feller.
        |G6                      C6               |(Am7) D
That's why I'll never tell her that I'm  petrified.
      |Am7
I've read this tale.
           |F/A
There's wedding then betrayal.
   |Am6
I know there'll come the day
               |Am7     D
I'll want to run and hide.

     |G   |D/F#             |Em7
I   lied,    I said it's easy.
    |G/D        |C   |Dsus4
I've   tried            but there's
       |G6/9           |G
these fears I can't quell.
       |D/F#             |D/F#
Is she looking for a pot of gold?
        |Em7                       |Em7
Will I look good when I've gotten old?
             |C
Will our lives become too stressful
            |C
If I'm never that successful?
          |Cm
When I get so worn and wrinkly
         |Cm
That I look like David Brinkley?
       |Am7sus4     D/A
Am I crazy?
                    Am I dreamin'?
         |D7sus4/A    D7(#11)/A
Am I marrying a  demon?
    D/A                           |D7
We could really raise the beam
                |Am7          |D
In making marriage a  hell
|Am7       Eb    G(add b9)|G
So  thank god I'll never tell.
Eb/G|C          Eb         G   |G
I    swear that I'll never tell.

|G     Eb          G      |G
My lips are sealed.
|G     Eb          G      |G
A:       I take the fifth.

|Eb         G    Eb        G
Nothin' to see. Move it along.

|G(add b9)  |C          Eb   |G      ||
I'll never...                           tell
 

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