*The Curtains Open*

*Overture*

"ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING...IN OUR PANTS"

Starring...

Mac
Eric
Jenn
Jon
Otts
Wretch
Ceili

and Robie the Cat as "Mr. Robie"!

....

....

....

*piano begins to play*

*Jonathon moves around the house. We see Eric and Jennifer brushing their teeth*

*an alarm goes off in Mac's room.*

*smash!*

*ding, ding, ding, ding...*

Mac: Every single day,
the same arrangement,
I go off and update the site.
Still I always feel that it could be better,
nothing here is good,
nothing here is right...
I keep watching shows,
some that blow
Just finding out the quotes
And I've been going through the notions..
Of making a combo site
Nothing seems to initiate my design

*Mac sits down at his computer desk*

Mac: I've always been pomp and kinda snarky, now I find I'm waivering...
Just check out the news, you'll find this site is better than some things


Jon: Did Mac just start singing?

*Mac rolls his eyes*

Mac: Thank you, Jar Jar Binks.

*Jon, Jenn & Eric stand behind Mac at the desk, and swing back and forth*

Jon, Jenn & Eric: He does pretty well
with posts from hell,
but lately we can tell
he's been going through the notions...
Of making a combo site

Eric: She's not even half the girl she - ow.

*Mac punches Eric for remark on his masculinity*

Mac: Will I update this site forever?
The combo deal my last endeavor...

*Mac walks over to Jennifer*

Jenn: I should've slept in today *looks disgusted*
Mac: Whatever.


Mac: I don't want to be....
going through the notions,
of making a combo site.
I can't ever see,
my eyes are gonna bleed,
using font size 33,
and I just wanna be....

*Otts runs over to Mac*

*WHACK!*

*Otts runs away*


--------------------


*Later that morning, the gang is sitting around a big table at Black Swan HQ.*

Wretched: Say, you guys didn't happen to go all broadway today, did you?
Mac: As a matter of fact, we did.
Jenn: It was fucking creepy.
Jon: I kind of enjoyed it. I felt like Julie Andrews.

*They all look at Jon*

Jon: What?

Mac: But what could it be? I mean, what could be making us do this...

*Eric Interrupts, singing*

Eric: I've got a theory
that's it a demon
A dancing demon, no, they did that on Buffy.

Jon: I've got a theory
that I am dreamin',
but where are all the asian girls?
This must be a horrid nightmare.

Mac: If Otts whacks me again, I'm gonna cry and pout..

ALL: It's getting scary. What's Otts' chortling all about?

Jenn: I've got a theory. It could be posters. Ah, Bugger this.

Ceili: I've got a theory, that it's Diego.

*they all look Ceili*

Wretched: I've a got a theory...

*Ceili interrupts*

Ceili: Diego isn't sane like everybody supposes
We're all actually in an institution,
playing our toes'es.
And what's with all the straight jackets?
They chafe my armpits anyway.
Diego, Diego, it must be Diego!

*WHACK!*

*Otts runs away*

Ceili: Or maybe Whedon.

Eric & Wretched: I've got a theory we should work this fast.
Because at any moment Otts could kick our ass!

Mac: I've got a theory...it doesn't matter.
What can't we make when we're together?
Except for cash or Sushi dinner.
Apocalypse. Shit I'm scared.
The same old quips...dirty underwear.

*everyone stares at Mac like he's an idiot*

ALL: What can't we do when we get it in..

Mac: I'll wash my drawers within a minute.

*everyone stares at Mac like he's an idiot....again.*

ALL: He has to try, he's getting lice. It's do or die...

Mac: HEY! I don't have lice!

ALL: There's nothing we can't face...

Mac: DAMNITT, I DON'T HAVE LICE!



------------------------------------

Ceili: Hey, where'd Eric and Jennifer go?
Mac: Probably off to, you know...

*Wretched looking around on the floor*

Wretched: Where the hell is Robie?
-------------------------------------

*Eric's following Jennifer around like a little bitch outside HQ.*

Eric: Where are we going?
Jenn: To find someone...
Eric: Who?
Jenn: The Gentlemen.
Eric: Which Gentlemen?
Jenn: The Gentlemen from Buffy.
Eric: Which Gentlemen from Buffy?
Jenn: THE GENTLEMEN FROM BUFFY!
Eric: There are a lot of Gentlemen on Buffy.

Jenn: The Gentlemen...from Hush. They take your voice. From Buffy. The bald, UGLY GENTLEMEN!
Eric: Geez, all you had to do is say so.


*Eric begins to sing*

Eric: I lived my life in shadows,
until she kicked me in the face.
It didn't seem so bad though,
then she sprayed me with mace.
Now I'm wearing white,
luckily no blood in sight.

Eric: I'm under your spell
How else could it be,
that I let you beat on me?
It's painful I can tell
The way you whale on me,
make me bleed so easily.


*Jenn smacks Eric on the head. Eric's got a concussion - birds chirping around his head*

Eric: Hey, look! A Tree!

*falls in the grass*

Eric: I saw a world red tinted
Birdies and Stars in the air
I always took for granted
I was the only one there
But your fists have shone
Harder than any of I've known.

Eric: I'm under your spell
My fettish is what you do
I didnt even have to tell you
You worked your arms so well
Finally, I knew
Everything I dreamed was true
You make me bah-leeeeeeed!


You split my side!
I'm under your spell
Surging as I bleed
Drawn to you so helplessly
You break my every bone
Lost in ecstasy
Beaten beneath a willow tree

You make me ba-leeeeed!
You make me ba-leeeedd...
You make me BA...*whack*

Eric: What a girl.

----------------------

*Eric wakes up the next morning in an unfamiliar bed. Just then, Mac pops up from under the sheets.*

Mac: WHAT THE..?
Eric: I imagine Jenn beat the crap out of me and then laid me in here.
Mac: *swipes forehead* Scared me there for a second. I thought we got all gay.
Eric: Oh, so I'm not good enough all of a sudden?
Mac: WHA? I didn't mean that....I just. This is all extremely friggin' bizzare.
Eric: Tell me about it. Your red pajamas clash with those yellow slippers.

*Mac gets out of bed*

*Mac looks at Eric*

Mac: This is the man that saved me from geocities.
Isn't he rad?
My claim to fame was 10megs, and free board,
isn't that bad!
But Now I'm in his space,
Much more room,
a hella large place
The only trouble is...

I'll never tell.

Eric: He is the one
With a website that's fun
Putting BSOne in a starting place
Right in the night
when he types about Spike
fans spray mace,
they SPRAY MACE!

I'll never let him go
The site we've made can only grow
There's just one thing that
No. I'll never tell.

Together: 'Cause there's nothing to tell.

Mac: He whores
Eric: He's Lazy
Mac: His Ideas are pretty crazy
Eric: He likes to post opinions that I can't transcribe.

Mac: I chat, he mutters
Eric: He smells like peanut butter

Eric: His penis got diseases from all the lice!

Together: The site gets pretty scary...

Eric: Like when posters get all angry
Mac: Like it's all just temporary
Eric: Hey, his back is really hairy

Together: But it's all very well
Cause, the site is going to hell


Mac: When things get rough he,
just hides behind his Jenny
Hey, look I found penny...
what great luck!

Eric: He cries,
He's needy
He looks like Ally Sheedy

Mac: I'm a leading lady..
Eric: WHO GIVES A FUCK?

*Mac does an irish jig*

Mac: Look at me, a white guy dancin'!

Together: You know...

Eric: You're quite the webmaster.

Mac: You aren't a bastard.

Eric: You're the man with all the updates
with extremely little pay rates,
and you take orders like shooting a...playmate!

Mac: He's cool.
Eric: He's cooler
Mac: He's really not a drooler.
Eric: Thats why I'll never tell him that his coding sucks.

Mac: I've read my mail
Junk and/or snail
According to the fans,
We're just a pair of dirty fucks!

Together: I LIED...
I said you're easy.
I tried,
but it doesn't always go up all the time!

Eric: Is he looking for the pot I sold?
Mac: Will I still have lice when I've gotten old?

Eric: Will our lives get too stressful
if BSOne is never successful?

Mac: Will i get so old and perverted
that my life becomes subverted?

Mac: Am I lazy?
Eric: Am I whoring?
Mac: Is this song extremely boring?

Together: Boy, I think this song sucks like hell
So, thank God, I'll never tell!
I swear, that I'll never tell

Eric: My ass is sealed
Mac: I'll take a piss
Eric: Nothing 'bout me and the size of my schlong!

Together: I'll Never....Tell

*They laugh and run away akwardly in opposite directions*

--------------
*Later that day, Mac is looking for Jenn. He finds her in the basement, preparing a noose.*

Mac: What'cha doin'?
Jenn: Fuck if I'm gonna stick around to sing.
Mac: Now wait a minute. I need your help. I think the DVD bootleg I bought at DragonCon is what's causing all this singing and dancing. I need your help.
Jenn: Why me?
Mac: I don't know. You're the first one I came across?
Jenn: Wow. How inspirational.


*Jenn starts singing and rolls her eyes, frustrated.*

Jenn: I tried
So many months ago
to make something happen
That just isn’t so
And why you come to talk to me
I think I finally know... Hmmmmm

You fucked up
Ashamed of what you did
And you can't tell the ones you love
You know they'd kick you ass
Whisper in a red head's ear,
doesn’t help you lass

That's great
But I don't want to help
'Cuz being with you disgusts me
More than rotten kelp
But since you'll probably just hurt things even more anyway
I will help you bitch

I will help you bitch
Get rid of the disk
I will take the thing and bury it
I will put myself at risk
I want to stop all this shit
But I can't find a deep enough ditch!
So, let me help you bitch

You know, you're gonna owe me big
And you just love to play the thought
that you will only dig
This verse is through, I'm telling you
Stop screwing with Jon's wig

*Mac jerks back, startled that Jenn Knew his secret*

I will help you bitch

*Jenn walks up the basement stairs as she begins to get in the song, Mac follows her, desperately*

I know I should go
But I'm stalling for time, trying to end this mess
There's a traitor here and its in your desk
And it makes us sing like we are buffy guests
If i could find that dealer I would break his neck
But now its up to me to fix this best
So, let me start

*Jenn Burst out of the basement and on top of the kitchen counter, she begins Spike-like dancing*

I will help you bitch
Get rid of the disk
I will take the thing and bury it
I will put myself at risk
I want to stop all this shit
But I can't find a deep enough ditch!
So, I will help you bitch

So, I will help you bitch!

Mac: All you had to say was "ok". I get it.

Jenn: *WHACK*

-----------
*Later in the evening, Mac is looking around, trying to remember where he put the DVD. Eric is online, looking at the website and then looking back at Mac. He shakes his head...*

*Eric starts to sing*



Eric: You're not ready for a combo site...
You keep believing,
drinking too much Bud Light
I know I said that I would post some news bites...
But I...

*Eric Follows Mac around as he searches*

Your path is written,
and your codings filled
You met your deadline,
and you've never schilled
And I'm the reason that you take anxiety pills.
But I...

I wish I could say the right words
when talking to the fans
Wish I could play-hay with
Charisma's enormous cans
Wish I could stay
But I forgot my plan...

To take your site away.

I want to take your site away.

The fans around you,
you don't hear at all
Cause I've blocked email,
and I make the calls
So you just lie there,
while I sabotage your fall
But I...

I wish I could put my foot down
And fire you at last
Wish I could slay a dragon
But DragonCon has passed
Wish I could steal the site,
steal it really fast

I want to take your site away.
I want to take your site away.

Mac: Did you just say something?

Eric: Shut Up… What are you looking for…Porn?

*Cut to Wretched in the next room, looking at Mr. Robie eating his cat food. He begins to sing*



Wretch: I'm under your litter
God, how can this be?
Just one cat, and so much pee
Robie, don't you see?
You did spray all over me

You sprayed all over meeeeeeeeeeeeee

*Eric and Wretched join each other, as they look at Mac and Robie in the same room eating from the same dish*

Eric & Wretched: Believe I really want to go
You both are really total schmoes
And we both know

Eric: I wish I could take the website,
right from your white ass.
Wish I could just change the passwords,
forget you in time's pass

Wretched: Wish I could trust that it was just this once,
but I can't get rid of puss.
I can't adjust to this smell that just disgusts
To the pound, and I just

Eric & Wretched: Wish I could LEAVVVEEEE!!!

Wish I could....leave.

Robie: Meow.
*Scratches Mac on the leg*
Mac: Ow! Son of bitch, that smarts!

-----------------

*Jon is sitting down on a throne in a BSOne soundstage. He looks to be a tad pissed off. Dawn is looking up at
him from the ground floor...*

Jon: I just don't get it.

*Jon looks at the DVD, and back at Dawn*

Jon: Ugh.

*starts singing*



Jon: Why did you have to stay?
You totally cramp my style
Go...
Why don’t you run away
I guarantee the fans will smile

I come from the imagination
And I'm here strictly by contractual obligation
So what do you say
How bout you stay off TV for awhile

*Dawn stares at Jon puzzled, he begins his dance routine*

I'm the how to quit
I'm the run and hide
Your part has gone to shit
The cast has left your side
You call me, and start to runnin'
I turn the car on, I start drivin’
Now we're parting
That's what it's all about

Cause I know how you suck, girl
I know just how you suck, girl

*Dawn begins to dance with Jon*

Dawn: So, you're like an asshole,
Trying to marry me?

Jon: All your delusions
They go on too long
Then that fear in me starts to come on
Way too strong
All those parts lay open
That must stink
Plus some viewer
Just start surfing
That's the penalty when you have an annoying part.

You brought me down into this set
So when I blow you away
Back we will go to the good show
And you will no longer play!
'Cause I know how you suck, girl

Dawn: No, you see, you and me,
wouldn't we make a couple?

Jon: I'll make it real, girl

Dawn: What I mean, I'm available,
couldn't we make a cute couple?

Jon: You can bring whole shows to ruin
And still have time to get a loud Get OUT ! In

Dawn: Well that's great, but I'm late
And I think that it’s yours!

Jon: Something's stinking
And I'm stuck in the middle
On the side of your mouth you have a little spittle

*Dawn wipes mouth*

Dawn: I'll get pissed if I'm dissed
See, I want Mac from Hellmouth

Jon (Spoken): HMC Mac?

Dawn: Yeah huh.

Jon (laughs and looks at a couple Janitors sweeping the floor): Find him, tell him...
Tell him anything
I wanna switch with the bum!

Janitor #1: Hey mang, we don work for ju.
Janitor #2: Yeah.

Jon: Just find him! She's driving me nuts!

(Sung)
Now we're startin'
And I'm about to get out!

--------------------------
*The gang, less Jon, is in the BSI board room discussing the current problems*

Mac: It was only 12 dollars?

Ceili: That’s not the point, you bought a bootleg from a dealer! A bootleg, I thought you supported the show!

Wretch: Not just a dealer, a Gypsy dealer!

Jenn: Not with the gypsy, hey does that mean that Mac doesn’t have a soul?

Eric: No it just means that… We’re way off subject, something in the DVD is making us sing and now it’s gone.

Otts; (Whispering to Jenn) I didn’t know Mac had a soul!
*Otts and Jenn Chortle*

Mac: Hey I heard that! Right here hello!

*Eric looks disgusted*

Eric: If we don’t find that DVD soon the whole world could be engulfed in song and dance! Do you have any idea what that would mean?

*The group shakes their head*

Eric: It means we would have to listen to Barbra Streisand’s wrinkly ass again!

Jenn: Eric’s right! Her voice could start the Apocalypse!

Mac: What we need now is a day player, you know one that will reveal part of the plot that we should know but have been too involved with our own emotions to see?!

Gang: Agreed!

* Janitor #1 Enters*

Mac: Ah there he is now!

Janitor #1: Hey mang, dat guy wid de long hair is held up on B stage by that whining bitch mang!

Wretch: Looks like we have our demon!

Ceili: You don’t mean?

Eric: He’s right, it’s season 6 Dawn!”

*The group Gasps*

Wretch: I thought it was Barbra Streisand!

Eric: (Dismissing Wretch’s comment) The point is that Jon is being held prisoner by a vile demon and we have to save him!

Jenn: Correction. Mac has to save him, it’s his fault that this happened!

Ceili: She’s right Mac, you must Slay your demons!

Eric: Before that time has passed.

Mac: Wish I could stay your stalwart, standing fast.

Jenn: Ok that didn’t make sense! Forget this, I’m outta here.

Mac: Alright already, I’ll go!

*Mac heads off for Stage b*


------------------

*Mac Begins singing as he makes his way down the halls*

Mac: I touch the ftp and it freezes me.
I look into it and get flack
Why cant I DL? My site needs a new feel
I want my connection back

Out from the board he calls to me
To make my way across the update
A PM maybay, or not today!
I guess its all the same

So I will walk through the server,
cause were else can I turn?
I will walk through the server,
cause no life burns

*Jenn is sitting in her office plotting her next move when the song hits her*

Jenn: The song I sing is bothering me
And Mac's f-ing up I've no doubt
I hope he cries
I'm free if that bitch tries!
I better help him out...

*Jenn leaves for Stage B*

*Jon in Stage B begins to happily dance and sing, as he waits for Mac to face his fate*

Jon: Cause he is drawn to the server
Some people never learn

Jenn: The bitch'll never learn

Jenn/Jon: And he will walk to the server and let it...

*The gang questions their decision in the board room*

Eric: Will this do a thing to change him?
Is he leaving Jon in danger?
Is that Dawn girl too far gone to care?

Otts: What if Mac can not defeat her?

Wretch: Mr. Whack is right, we're needed.

Ceili: Or we could read a parody and glare.

Eric, Otts, Ceili, and Wretch: We'll see him through
What else do we have to do?

Group: And we will walk to the server...

*The gang leaves to help Mac.*

Mac: So one by one they run from me,
I guess my users cant face the jokes

Otts: What can't we make when we're together

Mac: The server's froze, not among them knows.
And never can be told.

Jon: I asked him for sexy favors
Jenn: First I'll slap him, then I'll savor.
Wreched: The background's turning out so dark
Jenn: No, savor, then I'll slap him
Otts: I think this line is mostly SPAM
Eric: What's it going to take to ping the spark?

Mac: Going through the notions
combo, background dark
These endless days make me want a pay raise


Jon: So one by one the come to save me,
the distant pms as their guide
That single name
Aint what they thought they'd find
It's how many gigs you have inside
He has to save me

Everyone: And we are caught in the server
NB Topic we return
And we will walk to the server

Spoilers we learn
we will learn
we will learn....
WE WILL LEARN.

*Mac Bursts through the door*

Dawn: Show Time... (Chortle)

------------------
Mac: So it IS you? Does Michelle Trachtenberg know you are stealing her body?

Dawn: It’s my body too! I just told her to… GET OUT! GET OUT!! GET OUT!!!

Mac: My ears are bleeding.

Dawn: I will do a lot worse, like when we get married?

Mac: Whoa, hold the phone! Where did that come from!

Dawn: Well the fans like you. If you marry me, they’ll like me too! Plus you asked for me.

Mac: Wait I never… (Jon interrupts)

Jon: Did you forget about me! Fight her or something.

Mac: Fight her! HA! I’ll do worse than that! I will sing!

*Dawn and Jon grown*

--------------
*Mac begins to sing*

Mac: Life's a Site,
and we all post our thoughts
And when the message starts,
we all get whacked by otts

*Mac starts his patented white guy dance*

It's alright
if the poll comes out wrong
The shippers will sing their song
bias smells so friggin' strong

*The gang arrives, but is shocked to see Mac singing and dancing, Jenn arrives just after them*

With this site, there's hope
every hits a gift
all my rants are true
whistle while you code
so hard all day
to be better than other sites
to update daily the news bites

Don't link other sites

Eric: (Spoken) He need back up, fuck him, we're all too lazy anyway.

Mac: Don't link other sites
Give me something to update about!
I need something to UPDATE ABOUT!

*Jenn and Ceili dance in the Background*
Eric: (Spoken) did everyone ignore my backup comment???

Mac: Life's a site
you don't get to perverse
and having no naked chicks
can make it that much worse.

Still, my users don't know why I ignore
The million things or more
I should be posting for

All the prase, the site sends
Family and users
All the pages and abusers
Knowing that
the show's gonna end
Well, that depends
On if you let it go
Or if they know enough to know
That when you leave the site
All the others bite!

There was no pain
No fear, no doubt
Till Geller pulled out
Of the show
So that's my refrain
I live in Hell
'Cuz Geller expelled
...the...show
I really like
...the...show

So, give me something to update about
Please
Give me something

*Mac does 'The Robot'*

Eric: Life's not a site
Life isn't piss
Life is just this
It's Watching
You'll get along
The pain that you feel
You only can heal
By watching
You have to go on watching
So one of us is watching... Angel

(Spoken)

Dawn: The hardest thing about the show is that I'm in it.

Jon: What a song. It moved me.
Ceili: GET out of here.
Jon: Hmm...I smell Diegan.
Eric: Wait he's with us...Remember?
Dawn: But he summoned me with that Bootleg...
Mac: No i didnt, she's lying, or whining, never can tell.
Dawn: Well then who did?

*Jon raises his hand*
Jon: I'm sorry, I thought she would be asian, but I'll take it.
Mac: Then why did you want us to rescue you?
Group: Yeah!
Jon: To advance the plot like it was in OMWF.
Group: Oh.

--------------

(singing)

Jon: I'd like to stay and chat
You guys have been real swell
And there's not a one of you
who could say this...ended well!
All your confusion I'm now seein
Say you're happy now
Once More, With Feeling...in our pants!

Now I've gotta run. See you all..... At hooooommmmeeeee!!!!!!!

*Jon makes hand motions like he is smoke and slips out the room with Dawn.*


------
*Otts begins to sing*

Otts: What do we post from here?

Group: What do we post from here?

Eric: The story's done,
and my stomach's turned
so I vomit over here

Group: What do we post from here?

Wretched and Ceili: Why is the path unclear?
When we know poll day is near?

Group: Understand we've got bigger plans
But we traded them for beer

Eric: TELL ME!

Group: What do we post from here?

Jenn: *spoken* Fuck this.

Group: When will Jon Reappear?
Jon: Howdy folks...I'm here!!!!!

Group: The curtains closed on a kiss god knows,
that we really ripped Buffy off here

What do we post from here?

*Meanwhile, Outside of the building*

SMG: Hey.

Jenn: You should go back to the show. Finish it good, so
I don't have to see a Dawn spin-off.

SMG: I dont want to.

Jenn: The day you suss out what you do want,
You’ll realize Freddy P is gay.
The guy doesn’t like cones.

SMG: Jenn…

Jenn: Look you don't have to say anything.

SMG (sung): I touch the fire and it freezes me
I look into it and it's black
This isn't real
But I just want to feel

Jenn: I'm sorry, we changed it too much for my lines to make any sense.

*SMG Nods*

*Jenn and SMG passionately kiss, including feeling up*

Group: What do we post from....

*interruption*

Mac: (Points out window) Dude, lesbian scene!

*Everone rushes out to watch. The curtain closes...*

FROM HEREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*the end*

**WHACK** (Otts hits the camera guy and runs away)
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Song List
----------
1. Going Through The Notions of Making a Combo Site
2. I've Got A Theory/Diego/Lice
3. You Made Me Bah-Leed
4. I'll Never Teh-hell
5. I Will Help You Bitch
6. Taking
7. Wish I Could Leave
8. How You Suck
9. Walk Through The Server
10. Life's A Site
11. Jon's Reprise
12. What Do We Post From Here?