Lorne has been through a huge change from the first time he came on screen. He adopted the Angel gang after they crashed back into his club. He was often left behind or sent off to get information, not to mention, his aura readings came in handy. He was the first one to get into the Limo in ‘Home’. There are a few things that I have noticed as I look back over the last season.

Lorne’s powers weren’t working as well as they had before they came to Wolfram and Hart. Was this a sign? Was it from him not getting enough sleep? Were the powers trying to tell him something? His readings made him a very valuable person in the group as they took over Wolfram and Hart. He had to read everyone and then later found out that he missed a few people who were deceiving.

The point of no return for Lorne was that he was instructed to back-up Lindsey. Lorne killed Lindsey. Lorne knew Lindsey’s true motives could not be trusted. He had read Lindsey and knew that Lindsey was not a part of helping things to be better, but only made things worse. Fred’s death, the deep shade of gray his life was in, and the lines that Angel had crossed were too much for him. He left after killing Lindsey. The good fight had become too disgusting for him to fight.

Could Lorne ever return to the life he once had? It is not sure. He has faced too much moral ambiguity, to the point that made him not join the others for the final showdown. Let’s review the year: first one on board with Wolfram and Hart, first to fall prey to Wolfram and Hart by having his sleep removed, bitch slaps Eve around and finally killing Lindsey.  This all from the demon that previously used a high shriek to battle the baddies. He has fought before, but this past year, we have seen the heart of gold become more tarnished. He is still green, but he is surrounded by deeper shades of gray than he is comfortable with.

Lorne’s grief over the loss of Fred was difficult for him to move past. He had lost Cordelia, but he always felt closest to Fred. He loved her and during his binges on sea breezes, he probably asked himself a million times how could he have let this happen? He didn’t see Knox for who he was. The look on his face was terrified when Fred passed out on the stairs. The question that Illyria presents in shells still makes me think. "We cling to what is gone. Is there anything in this life but grief?"  

Good question Illyria. It makes you stop to think. After losing someone, usually a question like this will travel through our minds. At least something on this level will. When I think about this question, it makes me sad. There really isn’t an answer. Of course, like Wesley said, there is hope. Hope. What if there is no hope left? What if you are like Wesley? Your hope is gone. There is nothing left. However, you are left with this question. Is there meaning for our suffering? A higher purpose or lesson that we are supposed to gain from the experience, is there any meaning in suffering? God, I hope so.

Through the JossVerse, I see that there are some clear messages in the shows, well beyond Feminism. There is an ultimate good in the world. There is a greater power for good out there in the universe and that the lines between good and evil are blurred shades of gray. Most of our lives are spent more in the gray than in black or white. We are free to choose our path, that we are not bound by destiny. “Screw Destiny!” – Fred Burkle.

However, one must ask this question. If we have the freedom to choose, are we implying that life has no greater meaning? That there are no absolute guidelines in the world? I think I just gave myself a philosophical headache. Can we choose not to be who we really are? Can Lorne ever get back to the demon with the heart of gold?

I am going to end with a quote. "The thing about a hero, is even when it doesn't look like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, he's going to keep digging, he's going to keep trying to do right and make up for what's gone before, just because that's who he is." (Joss, November 4, 2003).

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