- Aerynism
by Aeryn -11.17.04
[ aaeryn@blkswan.com ]

  I am sure that none of you have ever heard this word before, and probably never will again. It is the theories and ways of myself. Geez, I must think I am so important to put an -ism after my name, I don’t… However, for this stuff that is floating around in my head this week, it is a perfect word.

Some people do not deserve the right to have children. Now, hear me out before you brandish the pitchforks and flames, I have a reason to say this. There are some adults that are too stupid, careless, irresponsible, etc. They should not be allowed to breed at all. Example, this morning there was a headline about a couple that tried to sacrifice their 3 children on the alter of a Church. Luckily the police stopped them after one of the members called 911 on a cell phone. Prime example of what I mean. Who in the hell knows what were going through the adults’ minds? The article mentions that they had been smoking pot. Now, yes, pot is bad, but I am kinda wary about the whole idea that the reasoning behind this attempt was pot induced. Maybe pot and schizophrenia, or pot and plain stupidity, who in the hell knows? I know this sounds bad, but this is the sort of people that make me wonder about having some people sterilized. Go to jail, get sterilized and if you are ever released, you can never have children again. Serves you right, sacrificing children, that in itself proves to me that you are not responsible or capable of being a parent at all. Hell, even Darla was a better mother than some of the “parents” out there today.

Women, this is for you and I mean it lovingly considering I am a woman as well, but for this is for those of you out there that is still under the impression that a prince will come for you, sweep you off your feet and carry you far far away from anything resembling troubles. The “hero” won’t be there to rescue you. You cannot always trust your heart; it will lead you to devastation at times. Most importantly, do not depend on a man. You are a woman, be able to do the things that you would normally leave for a man to do. There are two responsibilities that come first and foremost in a woman’s life when it comes to her life: her well-being and that of her children (if any).

When I think of this category, I think of two people: Cordelia and Darla. Darla staked herself so that her and Angel’s son would be able to live. Sure, at first she wanted it out of her and dead, but most women at the end of the pregnancy will be the first to admit that they want their tiny, precious, miracle of life out of their bodies because they are so damn uncomfortable in their current state of being. Darla was no exception, just she was a bit extreme, but hey, she didn’t have a soul, so what can you expect.

Cordelia, on the other hand, I think of her and Angel training in ‘Billy’. Angel tries to end their training at one point, because he says “Ok, you don’t need to know the rest of the part, because I will have saved you by then.” Myself, I raised an eyebrow and was really glad that Cordelia did as well. Cordelia wanted to know the rest of it, so that she wouldn’t have to count on Angel, or anyone else, to be there to save her. She wanted to learn how to fight and take care of herself. Most people see this as the writers trying to make her into a Buffy replacement in Angel’s life. No, pure and simple. Why the hell should she not be able to learn this stuff so that she can handle herself better? She has the strength, agility and the coordination to be an excellent fighter. She had been exposed to this for six years and had grown to a point where she wanted to know more. Who better to learn it from?

Most importantly, Cordelia proved a good point. Angel asks her something like if she thought he wouldn’t be around to save her and Cordelia replies, “Menfolk not always around to protect the womenfolk, you know? Besides, what if it turned out you were the guy I had to fight? Could happen." In the first sentence, Cordelia nails one of the reasons why not to depend on a man. ******Disclaimer: I am not man bashing. I am not bitter. I am just being honest. I believe in equality within a relationship ***** If some man actually tells you they want to save you, I hope each one of you has the pride to look him in the eye and tell him, “I don’t need anyone to save me, I can take care of myself.” (Now this does not apply if you have some sort of substance abuse problem or are dangling from a cliff while barely holding on.) Being a woman means that you know when and how to ask for help.

So many women around the countries are laying across their beds or sitting in classrooms or rooms dreaming of their prince that will come someday and in that moment, they will know that this guy is the guy that is destined to be with them. There will be a sign, maybe a slow motion walk when they see their “prince” walking towards them, maybe their vision will get a blur to it, maybe a classical piece of music will start to play in their head, or maybe, just maybe their heart will feel as if it will fly out of their chest. Their “prince” will shake his well-groomed hair as he flashes a bright smile and his eyes will twinkle as he picks her up and carries her out into the sunset for whatever comes next…. CUE CREDITS. This is what is called a fairy tale love. There is no blinking sign that would even clue you to tell you that this guy is actually a loser. Now, you may see red flags. This is a common thing that is often overlooked, trust me, red flags are our subconscious actually trying to tell us that there is something off about our “prince”. Think of it as a referee, “Flag on the play.” Stop, look at the cause of the flag and see whether of not it is objection worthy or not. Listen to them, they come in handy, trust me. I so ignored my red flag plays and paid the price for it many times.

As a word of caution, please please keep this in mind. A soul mate doesn’t just walk up and say “Hi! I’m your soul mate, pleased to meet you.” You may end up with someone you think is your soul mate, only to find out that they are not. I heard that “When you know you know” crap soooo much before I got married, I guess I should have listened. Maybe if I had thought about it for a moment, I would have realized that maybe if I am asking how do u know someone is your soul mate, then that means they are probably not. In my defense, I got married quickly, so I didn’t know if it was that or cold feet that everyone gets. Also, keep this in mind, just because someone is your soul mate DOES NOT mean that you will be with him or her and live happily ever after. A small precious few are lucky enough to find their soul mate, realize it, and be with them for their whole lives. Others find him or her later in their lives, early in their lives and lose them for some reason or another due to death or so error on the soul mate’s side. Having a soul mate does not guarantee that the guy is good for you or is someone you would want for a life long companion. Again, please take a look at the below list for examples of this: (I am trying to include ships that most see as soul mates)

Giles/Jenny
Buffy/Spike
Wesley/Winifred
Willow/Xander
Willow/Oz
Willow/Tara
Angel/Darla
Buffy/Angel
Angel/Cordelia
Winifred/Gunn
Cordelia/Xander
Joyce/Giles
Drusilla/Spike
Anya/Xander
Andrew/Anya

If I left out someone’s ship, sorry, my mind is tired, however, I think you get the point.

Ah, where was I? Yes, imposing my views, beliefs and values onto a mass audience. Wow, I feel like I hold an office in government. I just re-read all that I have wrote, dang, I don’t mean to sound bitter, I just think that every woman owes it to herself to be ALL that she has the potential to be. Do not wait for your life to start. There isn’t a sign that tells you where to start and when. You just do it. Do not be the stereotypical girly girl that everyone has to save in the movies. Be the girl that is kicking ass, because that is the girl that will more than likely live the longest. You can be lace and frills, yet still be strong and determined. All that matters is that you keep your power.

I was going to focus on the men now, but I may save that for later. I am not done with the women yet. I have a slight bone of contention with the females. Why is that when a shy nice guy finally takes the chance to come up to you to ask you out, they get shot down? It makes me incredibly pissed off! That could be this so called soul mate of yours and you not even realize it because you are too shallow to look past the surface and take a chance on this guy! Yes, I did say shallow. Go ahead and get defensive all you like, but that is what it is. Take 30 minutes out of your day to go have coffee with the guy, see what he is like, if you don’t like him after that, just say thanks for the coffee and be done. So many times, nice guys get shot down over and over again, that they begin to retreat into themselves, not wanting to risk the chance of being shot down again. Just remember this: Only you can control how you deal with a nice guy. Treat him nice and it will build self-confidence, treat him badly and I will hunt you down.

Can you tell some of my best friends are male? I thought it was fairly obvious.

I am an independent sorta old-fashion southern lady. I believe in chivalry, respect and all that jazz from men. I’m a romantic as well. I will let a guy be chivalrous, especially if I know that he knows I can do things on my own and he respects me for that. There is nothing better than feeling like there is someone out there that thinks you hung the moon and the stars, as long as you don’t take advantage of that. If you are yourself, and you are always honest with the guy, it can lead to a wonderful and happy relationship. Just keep in mind that Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Princess Jasmine, Princess Ariel and Belle all probably had bad days and numerous arguments with their Prince Charmings. And in closing, I must stress this, you may kiss a million and one frogs, but one day, you will kiss your prince… that is if you say yes to coffee.

-TBC-

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