-> Ask The Poobah

3.12.04: Reality shows aren't real, America's dumb ass youth, and I get subpoenaed.



From SPIKESMYGOD:
On an average day, I tend to shower 5 to 7 times. Is this normal?

Poobah Says:
Only if you're married to Courtney Love.

From SevenofTN:
Hey Poobah, my bet is you're feeling the love for reality TV. What's your favorite reality show?

Poobah says:
What reality shows? There are no reality shows on TV. For instance, on Survivor, after 40 days the people on that island would start eating each other. I don't see any human organs lying around on the beach. I'm very unimpressed.

From Fiatlux:
Why do campaigns have to sling so much mud? Pudding tastes much better.

Poobah says:
Because if Bush saw pudding thrown at him, he'd probably think it was the work of terrorists and blow it up. And if John Kerry saw the pudding, he'd be against pudding and be for jello... then retract his jello statement and say he loves pudding...and then back again.

From SPIKESMYGOD:
How can it be wrong when it feels so right?

Poobah says:
Michael Jackson? Jacko, is that you? I told you to quit emailing me!

From ribbie149:
Is Mr. Gordo really dead?

Poobah says:
Um, no...Mr. Gordo is a stuffed pig. See there's this thing called the "biological system". This just proves we need more funding in our public schools.

From Reisita:
If you're shoulder's screwed up, you should get it looked at. Once my shoulder was screwed up, and I thought it was fine, then I found out a year and a half later that I broke my collar bone.

Poobah Says:
We're talking about me and my shoulder here, buddy! Hmm...sometimes some people are so self-centered...

From Fiatlux:
*hands Mac an envelope* I'm with W&H... Miss Nora has hired our firm to help establish legal paternity of her child, which she says belongs to you. Enclosed you will find all the documentation you need regarding court dates and DNA testing. You might want to hire an attorney. Consider yourself served. And oh yes, have a nice day!

Poobah says:
Nothing says "I love you, son" more than pissing in a cup to try and prove he's not yours. I forsee good times ahead.

From Nora:
So...did you get any interesting letters in the mail darling one?  You better get yourself a damned good lawyer because I got me the best and you are totally screwed...don't mess with me or W & H! MWAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!

Poobah says:
My amnesia has suddenly kicked in. Who are you again?

[SPOILERS for "A Hole In The World" and "Shells" below]

From Dust:
Has no one told Illyria that you are supposed to hold the hair dye can at least 5 inches away from your head or it does not go on right? Now it's all sloppy and on her forehead and stuff.

Poobah says:
Cut the girl some slack. She still has to learn about tampon insertion and eye-liner.

[END SPOILERS]

From Dannyboy:
Are you my conscience?

Poobah says:
Yes I am...and your conscience is telling you to send the webmaster money. Do it or you're going to hell.

From SPIKESMYGOD:
I have recently been thinking about you & your title. How did you get to be The Grand Poobah? Was there an election? Was there a coup? Did you kill the previous Grand Poobah?

Poobah says:
All of the above. You gotta claw to get to the top.

Send me some questions for next week! Email me here. Put "ask the poobah" in your subject line, and remember to give a name! :)

Every Friday check out a NEW "Ask The Poobah"!

Any reproduction of this material is strictly prohibited by Black Swan, Inc and Um Err Productions.