Poobah says:
Breastfeeding. It's all the female's fault, as per the norm.

From Anonymous Fan:
My question is...what is the quickest way to get a divorce and be sure that the ignorant ex doesn't try to shaft me leaving me with all the bills? Does the HMC have people that can handle the problem for me? And why when people meet who you are married to, they don't tell you that the guy is an asshole in the first place? And is it common to masturbate during football games for a man?

Poobah says:
I don't know about the divorce thing. As for masturbation, it's common for men to masterbate in the fruits & veggies section at the supermarket, so it's pretty much a given that sitting on the couch watching anything works as well.

Wait...it's not common in the supermarket? Whoops...those poor radishes. They never knew what hit 'em.

From Dannyboy
What scares you when you turn off the light at night?

Poobah Says:
Call me crazy, but I'm always scared that Richard Simmons is going to pop up from underneath my bed and tell me to sweat to the oldies.

From Nora:
Were you arrested again?

Poobah says:
They can't prove a thing! I have an alibi at the time in question. I was digging my hole and putting my lotion in the bucket.

From Dannyboy:
How do you apply buffy lessons to every day life?

Poobah says:
I try to stake as many people in the chest as I can, but there's only so much one man can do.

From Sabarendt:
What else should I ask?

Poobah says:
How about "Are you gay?", or "Shouldn't you be taking care of Nora's baby?", or "What's Your Birthday?", or "Are your breasts real?"...I swear you people and your repetitive questions!

From Dannyboy:
How long before the major corporations screw us and get out a new format to replace CDs and DVDs?

Poobah says:
Today is what - Saturday?

From Life's A Show:
Do low carb diets really work? Aren't the Dairy Queen and Little Debbie the Anti-Christs of healthful eating?

Poobah says:
Dairy Queen, yes. Little Debbie, no. Buy Oatmeal Creme Pies...now just $1.19 at your local supermarket!

Little Debbie...unwrap a smile!

*This has been an inappropriate advertisement, please continue reading.*

From Dannyboy:
Why is it that the Texan accent turns me on? would a West Virginian turn me on?

Poobah says:
Only if you have a soft spot for twangy toothlessness. But really, who doesn't? That whistle sound you hear when they spit sweet nothings in your ear is the whistle of love. And that smell you smell, well...try to ignore it.

From Dannyboy:
How do you feel about financing my move to the states?

Poobah says:
I feel like there's less of a chance of that happening than Michael Moore being able to fit into a geo metro.

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