- Go Sink On Your Ship
Shippers annoy me something bad. They always contradict themselves and really are just plain sick. Ever watch a shipping war?? Its really funny cause both sides are just as shallow and immature as the other.
by Tiffany Murdock -4.22.03
[ tiffany@hellmouthcentral.com ]
So everybody hates BeeGee shipping. 'Oh its so immoral to make out with your daddy! waaah!' Well excuse me but I dont remember it being established like anywhere that Giles was Buffys parent. The way he fidgets with his glasses everytime she's in the room makes him look more like a horny Democrat than Mr Cleaver to me. But people say Giles looked after Buffy as her guardian though. Oh yea like I buy that! Excuse me but I payed attention to the way he kept stalling when Buffy was in her cheerleading uniform. Yea I followed where his eyes went. Mmmmmm..me thinks horny librarian.
Speaking of dirty old men theres Bangel shippers. Why is it OK for a 200 year old vampire to want to have sex with a teenager but everyone gets the wiggins when a librarian 40 year old wants the same? Only reason I can come to is looks. Spuffy and Bangel shippers are totally more concerned about looks than whats in the heart. How so obviously shallow is that!! And these people complain theres no quality TV left anymore?? Umm YEA OK that makes sense..in a not serious sorta way!
Hey I like looks too! Especially sexy looks. But if I met a 200 year old would I be all 'yay look at me! i slept with a 200 year old corpse and it was sweet!' Its so sick that Spike and Angel being with Buffy is like a teenager sleeping with two dead bodies. Wait thats exactly what it is! Sick? Yea!! But thats OK cause they look good! 'Look at those washboard abs on that dead man!' they tell me. And I say 'Yep those are nice ones!' Does that make it right to sleep with dead people? Ewwww! These people are so sick it makes me want to puke! but thats not the only reason!
Any woman who ships for Spuffy is either shallow or has got to be a closet lesbian. No lie!! Here's a man who is more feminine than Ginger Spice walking around like an androgynous Marylin Manson and he's always whining like a little bitch. I swear to God I just want to slap him when he cries to his girlfriend in every single episode! And I know people exactly like that in the real world! Its disgusting! Who wants to wake up to that? Sure the guy is hot but I'm not as shallow as so obviously many other fans are. I actually like it when a guy shows a sense of personality other than 'waaaah!! i want my widdle soul back! I hurt my widdle washboard abs on da cwoss! waah!’ And the way he was so dependent on his mother? Seriously go get a life. He’s just one Dorothy costume away from marching in parades. Yea I said it!
And Willow and Tara? Whats that about? Like a million or so gay people keep on saying 'Hey look we should be happy cause theres a new lesbian couple on TV!!' But then I watch the show and its like the worst acting I've ever seen in my life. Amber Benson is better qualified to be stage manager in a high school production of Grease than Allison Hanigans girlfriend. Every scene and she looks like she's looking for Joss to give her the next line with that stupid 'duh' expression on her face. Damn I wanna slap her too! Tara is an insult to lesbians everywhere. Ellen probably lost her sitcom from Tara establishing a stereotype that lesbians cant act! I watched Chance and let me say that Amber needs to seriously reconsider acting as a career. Hey I really dont care if two women are going to grope each other on television but they could at least make it believable. Watching Allison and Amber fumble about like two nervous wrecks isnt worth the seventy dollars I pay for cable. And seriously Joss you are totally going about this whole relieving teen angst thing in the worst possible way. Go play out your girl on girl porn fantasies on HBO please! I really dont need that in my living room.
And then they totally mess up cause after they finally kill Tara they go and find another lesbian who is worse at acting than she was! It was like just have lesbian scenes for the sake of having lesbian scenes? What is worse? Lesbians who cant act or lesbians just for the sake of having lesbians? Joss if you want to be inclusive thats one thing but you could at least ask if your cast has had acting lessons before hiring. Or find a real lesbian cause none of them can find work anywhere!
And Im so sure that Bangel and Spuffite people are so supportive of Tara. I mean she is dead now so that makes her more fun to have sex with Willow right? Like Amber couldnt act in the first place either so maybe now that shes dead she’ll be entertaining! Or is there a double standard for dead women? Wouldnt surprise me hardly. Harmony and Drusilla and Darla never get younger men. I thought this show was feminist dammit!
And dont even try to say Anya and Xander as an example. Anya was so ditzy its not even worth talking about. Xander was cute and sweet and funny and Buffy totally rejects him just cause he still breathes! OK and so Xander messes up one time and leaves Anya at the altar which you know is sorta evil and all. Blah! He didnt love Anya anyway. It was romantic he wanted Buffy and stayed seven years waiting for her. Open your eyes peoples!
And what about Riley? Everyone hates Riley. He was a soldier! A guy who actually acts like a guy. And nobody likes that? I keep telling you Spuffies are either shallow or closet lesbians but nobody admits it! Bangel shippers are worse but only cause David Boranaz doesnt look as hot and his character is way older and into younger girls. Then again Angel at least acts more like a guy so that’s a plus.
Riley and Xander make more sense for Buffy but nobody thinks they’re popular. Personally I would have picked one of them but I understand sometimes attractive dead people are totally the way to go. And Buffy so blew it with both of them anyways so they moved on. I mean I really like Buffy as a character and all but she is so blind when it comes to romance its sad.
With all these bad pairings it really doesn’t make sense to still argue over who should be with who. Its like elementary school recess and everyone wants Buffy to circle Angel or Spike on a piece of paper that says 'who do you wanna go out with?' Shipping is all about who has the best abs. Its not about anything important. Its shallow! And the worst part? Most shippers know this but do it anyway. And then they go and insult shows that help people look younger all the while saying its OK for old and dead people to have sex with younger people so long as they LOOK younger. Hypocrits!
As for you GUYS who ship for Spuffy and Bangel all I have to say is you seriously have like a ton of psychological issues to work through involving your own fantasies of being 200 and having 16 year old girlfriends. Angel and Spike are the perfect examples of two serial rapists. And Spike did rape Buffy or well tried to! And Angel was cruel as all hell and leaves when Buffy needs him most! And people are defending them. 'But they have washboard abs!' they say. Hypocritical all over again!
Are there any normal couples on the shows? Theres Fred and Wesley in Fresley. Its a dorky guy who turns into a totally kick ass dark watcher dating the president of the Calista Flockhart diet program. Why couldnt he just stay on the Buffy show and be with Willow? Wouldnt that make more sense? Or is he too old to date his own wife on TV?? Cause Wesley is so obviously more older than Angel or Spike. And what good is Fred anyway? She ups and dies right when she starts to get interesting. Now poor Wesley is left with Mistress Moonchild who is just as clueless as Anya. Why do the cool guys get stuck with the ditzes and the cool girls turn into fake lesbians or start sleeping with a corpse? A show like this comes from one sick and twisted place. I think thats what attracts you shippers to it.
So all I am saying is shippers are shallow. If you ship you so need to find a new hobby or go out on a real date to find yourself a real man. Stop fantasizing about a dead 200 year old coming in through your window to have sex with you cause your really creeping the rest of us out major. Put down the romance novel and go out to a club to meet people. You all need serious help.