Spike : We kissed, Buffy!
Buffy : Wait... so you mean that wasn't a plunger in my face after all?

Loan shark : You owe me, Spike. Those 40 siamese kittens I loaned you.
Spike : Weren't they tabbies?
Loan shark : Why would they be tabbies?
Spike : I've been trying to figure out this episode's title. You know... Tabby... Tabula Rasa...
Buffy : Spike... If I we're you, I'd run just about now.

Loan shark : Who are you?
Buffy : I'm the Slayer. And you're edible.
Loan shark : Wha..?
Buffy (calls out) : Dawn! We're having a real supper tonight!

Willow : We were so selfish. I was so selfish.
Xander : Me like Buffy. Buffy alive. Me glad.
Willow : Has Xander been having beer again?
Xander : Beer good. Foamy.
Willow : Yeah, here, go draw on the walls with this crystal I've been burning.
Xander : Foamy!
Willow : Where was I? Oh yeah, I was so selfish.
Buffy : Speaking of fish, does anyone remember where we keep the recipe books?

Giles : Buffy... I'm leaving.
*flip* *flip* flip*
Giles : Buffy, can you quit that book for a moment and listen to what I'm saying?
Buffy : Shark shish kebab... sauteed shark... shark soufflé...

Tara : Willow, are you ready yet? We have to leave!
Willow : You guys go on without me, since I'm alll scantily dressed in towels.
Tara : Oh, OK... *slam*
Willow : *ka-poof*, and I'm fully dressed!
*dring*
Willow : Hello?
Voice : Ms. Rosenberg? I'm a lawyer for Calvin Klein... We're suing you for illegal clothes reproduction...
Willow : Hey guys, I'm here.
Buffy : Dammit Will, where were you?
Willow : Let's just say I had a clothes encounter.

Buffy : Wha...? Where am I?
Dawn : Huh? Who are you people? Get out, get out, GET OUT!!!
Buffy : Funny, I have no memory, but I just remembered something about duct tape.

Spike : Bloody, sodding, knickers, bullocks... Oh God! I'm English too! Hey... maybe I'm Prince Charles...
Buffy : We're talking lost memory, not lost earlobes.
Spike : Too bad I can't have you ordered to the rack like in the good old days of royalty...

Willow : Hey, it says here my name is Willow Rosenberg. Willow... weird name.
Tara : Hey, says here on my Actor's Guild card that my name is Amber... weird name.
Willow : Wow, talk about getting into character...
Joss : CUT!!!

Buffy : I think I'll name me... Joan.
Dawn : What!? It's so BLAH!
Buffy : No, maybe I'll name you Joan... Collins, that is.
Dawn : I think I preferred Umad.

Vampire : They seem to have lost their memory, boss!
Loan shark : Lost their memory?
Vampire : Yeah, I know, it smells...
Loan shark : Don't!
Vampire : Kinda fishy...
*ka-poof*
Loan shark : Funny, all I smell is vampire dust.

Spike : I'm a noble vampire! On a mission of redemption!
Buffy : I believe you. With that suit, you need all the forgiveness you can get.
Spike : I'm a vampire with a soul!
Buffy : If you don't quit yappin', you'll be a vampire with a sole... mine, on your butt.

Giles : Still not the right book, dear!
Anya : How do you know that?
Giles : Maybe because I'm duelling with a skeleton?
Anya : Oh, that's not a skeleton. That's an exclusive director's-cut CGI skeleton...
Giles : Then maybe George Lucas has the right book!

*crunch*
Xander : Hey, I'm Xander!
Tara : I'm Tara!
Dawn : I'm Dawn!
Willow : I'm doomed...

Loan shark : You dusted my vampires! Now I'll never get my kittens!
Spike : Sorry Charlie. But there's plenty of other fish in the sea.
Loan shark : Ha ha. Very funny. All right, forget about the kittens.
Spike : You're, um, letting me off the hook? *teehee*
Loan shark : How about a taste of this stake here?
Buffy : *flip, flip, flip* Shark steak with lemon sauce... shark braised...
Loan shark : OK, OK, I'm leaving!

Tara : Dawn, how about helping me get my boxes outside?
Dawn : My name is Umad, not U-Haul.
Xander : I'll help. Where do you want the boxes?
Tara : Over there, right by the weeping willow. *chuckle*
Willow (from the washroom) : I heard that!

Singer : Goodbye to you...
Spike : Hey Buffy...
Singer : Goodbye to you!!!
Buffy : Hey Spike... did you bring the plunger?
Singer : Goodbye to you...
Spike : Yeah... here it is.
Singer : Goodbye to youuuuu!
Buffy : Thanks. *whack*
Singer : Mmmmph!!!