f a n f i c


Older and Far Away: The Parody
by OttsFiveByFive

Buffy (picking up sword): Ooo! Shiny!
Demon inside the sword: For God's sake, what is it with you and two-syllable adjectives? I mean, stealthy, foamy, shiny...
Buffy: *SNAP* Breaky.

Buffy: How are you holding up?
Tara: The word "gulp" comes to mind...
Willow: Oh, come on, my blouse doesn't look THAT bad!!!
Tara: I need a drink.

Xander: Ta-daa!
Buffy: Ooo, a weapons chest! A hard, blonde chest... like Spike's!
Xander: Ah, but does Spike's have this handsome CD rack?
Willow: I TOLD you never to mention Rack anymore!!!
Xander (whispers): Whew, thanks for changing the subject, Will.

Richard: Gee, I need to get to work... And I haven't even had breakfast yet!
Spike: Oh yeah, I used to enjoy breakfast...
Buffy: Spikie...
Spike: What? I was just gonna say that back then, I was a real cereal killer... *chuckle*
Buffy: *teehee* Spike just means that he used to devour his morning cereal like an animal...
Spike: Yeah. Cause a morning without cereal is like Weetabix without bl...
Buffy: *WHACK*

Dawn: Get out, get out, GET OUT!!!
Anya: I think she's possessed...
Stephen King: Don't mind me, by the way, I'm just taking notes.

Dawn: Great. Here's me basking in the love!
Buffy: *SLAP* And here's you kissing the duct tape.
Dawn: Mmmph!

Tara: I'll do the spell. But obviously, I didn't bring any supplies...
Willow: Well... I might've... kept some Yak cheese...
Tara: Whaddya want us to do, stink our way out of the house?
Willow: Well, the cheese does smell like an outhouse... *teehee*
Anya: I think she's possessed too.
Tara: Definitely. Jerry Lewis, leave this body immediately!

Xander: C'mon, Will, it's just a little spell...
Willow: No!
Anya: We promise, we won't ask you to do any more magic after this!
Willow: NO!
Xander: C'mon, Will, just one spell...
Willow: I said NO! Do I have to spell it out for you?
Xander and Anya: YES! Please, SPELL it out!!!

*creak creak*
Willow: Oh my god, it looks like itıs in the wall!!!
Demon: Heehee, youıll never catch me nowŠ
Buffy: *knock knock* Demon, are you there? How do we get you out of the wall?
Demon: Maybe if you sing me some Pink Floyd, like, "We donıt need no educationŠ" *teehee*
Buffy (plunges sword in wall): Oh look ­ demon brochette!
Spike: All in all itıs just aŠ nother demon in the sword *teehee*
Buffy: Curious, I just remembered something about you being in love with painŠ

Halfrek: I could hear this girl crying out wherever I went.
Buffy: That's because we'd ran out of duct tape, right Dawny?
Dawn: Mmph!