Buffy: Did you steal from that store?
Dawn: Um, yeah. A toothbrush and some earrings.
Buffy: Damn. OK, did you steal from that store?
Dawn: YeahŠ a necklace, a belt and a pair of leather boots.
Buffy: Damn! OKŠ I¹ll bet you didn¹t steal from that store!
Dawn: Um, actually yeah, I didŠ
Buffy: But it¹s a hardware store! What¹d you steal?
Dawn: A safe.

Anya: Hi! I¹m doing a survey for D¹Hoffryn and Associates. Do you think Xander Harris is a) a jerk, b) confused, c) a jerk, d) not viril or e) none of the above?
Dawn: UmŠ

Anya: Š do you think Xander deserves to a) have his penis explode, b) have his intestines tied in a big knot, c) have his beady eyes turn to jell-o, or d) none of the above?
Willow: What are we supposed to do again?
Anya: You¹re supposed to make a wish.
Willow: UmŠwhich wish do you want me to wish?
Anya: I want you to choose which wish you want to wish from the wish list, witch!
Tara: You guys figure this out. I¹m going to make myself a sandwich.

Anya: So why do you figure guys like Xander like watching some girls one on one so much?
Tara: Mmm, this sandwich is soooo tastyŠ *wink wink*
Willow: Yeah, it looks reaaally deliciousŠ *wink wink*
Anya: What? Stay on topic!
Tara: We are on topic. Although I prefer to be on top, periodŠ *chuckle*

Anya: OK, let¹s start from the top. Do you wish that Xander a) have his penis explode, b) have his intestines tied in a big knot, c) have his beady eyes turn to jell-o, or d) none of the above?
Faith: HmmmŠ I¹ll have to go with d).
Anya: Could you elaborate?
Faith: Yeah, how about having him behind bars with me and handcuffed? *wink wink*
Anya: What!? You wish!!!

Buffy: Hey, who put that ugly gnome there? And hey, who put that spy camera there???
Xander: I think it¹s a Spike camera, not a spy camera.
Buffy: WhaŠ how do you know that?
Xander: Oh, I don¹t knowŠ maybe the sticker that says "If found, please return to Restfield cemetery"?

Willow: Hang onŠ I¹m getting some feed from the camera networkŠ Oh my god, Buffy, it¹s my class on campus! AndŠ my room???
Buffy: Gee, Spike has some strange tastesŠ
Willow: How do you know it¹s Spike?
Buffy: Well, look at the sticker.
Willow: WhaŠ that¹s Xander¹s handwriting!!!
Xander: *gulp* Well hey, I just improved on the nerds¹ network, I didn¹t invent it!
Willow: So you could spy on me and Tara!?
Xander: UhŠ OK, who wants to go for sandwiches?
Willow: *WHACK*

Anya: What, we¹re gonna do it on the table???
Spike: Why not? Now that you¹ve shelved XanderŠ *teehee*
Xander (via video feed): Spike, when I get there, I¹m gonna deck you.
Spike: Knock on wood, whelp.

Dawn: So that was the big secret you were protecting me from? You and Spike?
Buffy: Yeah, wellŠ
Dawn: You should¹ve told me.
Buffy: Why? What would you¹ve done?
Dawn: Well, for one thing, installed extra camera feeds for your room and his crypt.

Spike: Oh look, all that wooden talk worked, the whelp brought an axeŠ
Xander: Yup, and I¹m about to fell your tree.

Willow: Tara!
Tara: Y¹know, it¹s not that easy, and we need to take some time and get to know each other again, and is this show still PG-13?
Willow: Here, let me throw my sweater on the camera. *flop*
Dawn: Awwwww!!!

GrrrŠ arrgh.