p a r o d y


Ground State : The Parody
by OttsFiveByFive


Angel: Listen, Wes… I’ve been thinking about what I said to you a few months ago, with Connor and everything.
Wesley: ….
Angel: I mean, I just want you to know that as far as I’m concerned, we’re OK.
Wesley: You mean you’re apologizing for attempting to strangle me in a hospital bed after I’d had my throat slit and causing my friends to cast me out like a leper?
Angel: That’s pretty much it.
Wesley: Allow me to reciprocate with an icy glare.
Angel: And a folder full of useful info on Cordy’s disappearance.
Wesley: Actually, they’re only nude photos of her in the shower. Just to spite you.
Angel: Great. Now do you have something useful to tell me?
Wesley: Go see Dinza, the demon.
Angel: Where?
Wesley: In Washington.
Angel: Washington?
Wesley: Yes. Dinza Washington.
Angel: Wonder what would happen to those word puns if I squeezed your throat…

Fred: I’m working on a plan, but right now it involves me going to prison and becoming somebody’s bitch…
Faith (by phone): You called?
Fred: *gasp* OK, bad plan, bad plan!
Faith: Don’t worry. I’m busy giving fashion tips right now.
Angel: Fashion tips? To who?
Faith: Oh, you’ll find out soon enough. *snicker*

Angel: Who are you?
Gwen: I’m Gwen, the Electro Girl. Please note my Faith-style tight-fitting leather outfit.
Angel: Noted. So what are you doing here?
Gwen: Oh, just stealing some stuff. *ZAP*
Angel: Hey, you’re electric!
Gwen: Just a small talent. *ZAP*
Angel: I guess that like Faith, your favourite music is…
Gwen: Don’t say it!
Angel: … alternative. *chuckle*
Gwen: OK, you’re paying for that pun, buddy.
Angel: You can’t kill me. I’m a vampire.
Gwen: Yeah. Hey, what do you think would happen if I touched the control for that heavy iron gate? *ZAP* *CLANG*
Angel: Oof!

Gwen: *ZAP* Heheh. Just like starting a Chevy.
Gunn: *Cough cough* *WHEEZE* *Cough* *Choke*
Gwen: And here we see why GM has so many problems.

Angel: I can smell Wesley all over you.
Lilah: Really? What tipped you off? Is it the sweat? The Cologne? The scent of bitter, brooding scones?
Angel: I’d go with the scones. And that British smell of obnoxiousness. Giles had it too.
Wesley: Angel… I still have my boat and your cage.

Gwen: *ZAAAP*
Angel: Aaaargh! *Boomp boomp boomp* *KISS*
Gwen: *KISS* Gee, your heart is beating.
Angel: Hey, thanks! It hasn’t beaten in two centuries.
Gwen: It won’t last. You’d probably require constant electrical stimulation for it to keep beating.
Angel: Oh, I’m stimulated, alright. *KISS* Now, let’s talk about reviving some other body parts.
Gwen: In your dreams, buddy.

Elliot: Gwen, you did a terrible theft job.
Angel: Oh my God!!!
Elliot: And I mean, the way you walked into that restaurant…
Angel: It can’t be possible!!!
Gwen: What, you know this guy?
Elliot: … uh, um, yeah, the way you walked in, in that uh, red…
Angel: It’s incredible!!!
Gwen: For God’s sake, what???
Angel: Your boss is Tony Blair! My God, Tony, can I shake your hand? Pretty please?
Gwen: *groan*
Elliot: I had this nice, evil mastermind speech all prepared. But I think we’ll just go straight to the gas.

Elliot: Oh my, you’ve managed to escape!
Angel: Yes, although you’ve made Gwen unconscious. Hey, can I get your autograph?
Gwen: *groan*
Elliot: Oh look, she’s coming to.
Angel: Nah, she’s not moving. She’s… static. *chuckle*
Gwen: Give me one reason I should give you the Axis.
Angel: Because, um, because, I think you’re so sexy?
Gwen: Humph. Flattery will get you nowhere.
Angel: You’re cute.
Gwen: Aw, here, take it.
Angel: You’re so cute you’re electro-cute. *giggle*
Gwen: *ZAP* Hey, I can make your hair stand on end.

Angel: I got the Axis.
Fred: Great. So now we can figure out where Cordelia is.
Angel: Well, we’ll need Wes and Lorne for this. The gang all together.
Gunn: Why?
Angel: So we can play Axis and Allies. *chortle*
Fred: I think I’ll call Wesley… and ask him if he still has that iron cage handy.

Cordelia: *sigh* I’m bored… But I guess it isn’t so bad… I could get used to it…
Michael Landon: Hi. Remember me?
Cordelia: Yeah… you’re the guy from that cheesy Highway to Heaven show in the 80s…
Michael Landon: Yep. And I’m your teacher in all things celestial.
Cordelia: ANGEL!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!