Xander: So, why are we even bothering to hide in coffins in the middle of the night for again?
Buffy: Looks like the Slayerettes are safe for another week, so we have to come up with our own kill to start the show. *sigh*
Dawn: *Thump Thump Thump* Get me out, get me out, GET ME OUT!!!
Buffy: Wow, that’s a new variation on an old theme.
Xander: Looks like Dawn had a relapse.
Buffy: Happens. That’s why I keep the duct tape handy.
Dawn: *THUMP* *THUMP*
Buffy: Oh, alright, alright…
Dawn: This thing has a friggin’ child lock on it!!!
Buffy: Oh, now you’re exaggerating.
Xander: Actually, Buff… that is a child lock.
Buffy: Really? Oh! Um, I, ah, gee, I wonder who put it there… *grin*

Dawn: Gee, she’s so old! Why would anyone want to vamp such an old woman?
Buffy: Maybe the vampire wanted a mother figure.
Xander: Yeah, because even the undead can have Freudian issues.
Vampire woman: God, how am I supposed to be peaceful with this kind of talk? I’m dead and I have to put up with this?
Buffy: *STAB* *POOF* Now you don’t.

Xander: You see, controlling your magic is like hammering a nail.
Willow: Or nailing Rack to the ceiling.
Xander: Right. Uh, no, wrong! Pay attention!
Willow: Sorry.
Xander: So I was saying, controlling your magic is like hammering a nail. You use power to get the nail in two strokes, but you risk hitting your thumb.
Willow: Which makes you so angry you bewitch that hammer into cracking your friends’ skulls open like coconuts.
Xander: But I didn’t even finish my analogy…
Willow: Doesn’t matter. You look so cute when you’re shaking.
Xander: And can I say, ugh, coconuts?
Willow: Yeah… Reminds me when I peeled Warren like a banana… *sigh*
Xander: You’re as nutty as a fruitcake.

Buffy: Cassie, why won’t you graduate from high school?
Cassie: Because I’m gonna die next Friday.
Buffy: Why? Why are you gonna die?
Cassie: I have to. The Slayerettes are on strike, and you still haven’t met your quota for this episode.
Buffy: Well, so what? What does it matter?
Cassie: They’re talking about making Dawn the Slayer if you don’t meet your quota.
Buffy: Oh, I see. Listen, is there anyway I can help?
Cassie: Nope. I just know I’m gonna die.
Buffy: No, I meant, anyway I can help you die?

Buffy: I have a job for you.
Dawn: Can’t. I’m busy.
Buffy: With what?
Dawn: I’m working on a plan to save Cassie.
Buffy: OH NO you don’t!!!
Dawn: Awwww, but I wanna be the Slayer! I’ve already got my music theme and a new name for the show!
Buffy: What? Dawn and Out in the ‘dale?
Dawn: Too bad I can’t use the *whack* yet.

Buffy: Let’s go straight to the point. We were wondering if your drinking made you a rotten dad.
Mr. Newton: Oh, the nerve! I’m a good father! It’s just that Cassie is too ashamed of us to come upstairs!
Xander: Wait a minute… that sounds familiar…
Buffy: Cassie lives in the BASEMENT?
Mr. Newton: Yeah, we rent it to her.
Xander: *gulp*
Buffy: And what about your ex?
Mr. Newton: Ah, my lovely wife… what would I have done without her all these years? Well, for one thing, I’d be drinking a lot less!
Xander: Whoa… this is getting scary...
Buffy: Wait a minute! I know that hair… *PULL* Mr. Harris???
Xander: Oh no!!!

Spike: Don’t go! Please stay and help me keep quiet!
Buffy: Actually, the duct tape can do that just fine.
Spike: Mmmmpphhh!

Buffy: Guys, do you know how lame this is? A bunch of bored teenage boys trying to summon a lame demon?
Peter: Like that lame demon?
Buffy: Uh oh. (think fast, Buffy!) Um, hi. I’m Buffy. *grin*
Demon: Hi. I’m Skip’s evil brother. Y’know, he keeps doing cameos with the L.A. Gang?
Buffy: Oh, right. So what’s your name?
Demon: Lore.
Buffy: That’s Data’s evil brother, you mook! How déjà can you vu?
Demon: Hey, speaking of déjà vu, I hear they just hired a British librarian for the new Slayer, is that right? Dawn, I think her name is…
Buffy: *WHACK*

Peter: Hey, he bit me! The demon bit me!
Buffy: Consider it foreplay.

Buffy: Poor Cassie. I guess her heart just wasn’t in it. *giggle*
Cassie (in coffin): I heard that.
Dawn: Uh oh.
Cassie: You really don’t want me to be peaceful, do ya?
Buffy: *Stab* *POOF*