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Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

T’was the night before Christmas… And at Buffy’s house, nothing was stirring, not even a mouse… No wait…

*Ding Dong*
Buffy: Dawn!!! Get the door!!!
Dawn: Must be the pizza I ordered. Or the apocalypse.
Buffy: If it’s the apocalypse, tell them to hold the anchovies. No wait… I got that backwards. If it’s the anchovies, tell them to hold the apocalypse. No wait… oh, Hell, just tell them to go away!
Willow: Buffy, have you been drinking Spike’s bourbon again?
Buffy: Why do you say that? BLLLAAAAHHH!!!
Dawn: Um… Buffy? I think you better come see this.
Buffy: What, do those Harbinger pizza guys want a tip? That’s it, I’m declaring war…
Angel and co.: SURPRISE!!!
Buffy: I stand by my statement. I’m declaring war.

Angel: We brought some pizza, weapons, beer, and oh, some cool raining balls of fire.
Buffy: Wait… does the WB know you’re here?
Angel: Ssshhhh.
Buffy: DAWN! Get me the phone, now!!!

Wesley: Hello, Buffy.
Buffy: My, Wesley… How, um, rogue you look with the unshaven face and all…
Wesley: Yes, being on my own adds to my rugged charm.
Buffy: And so does sleeping with the enemy, from what I hear.
Wesley: Look who’s talking. Except for the rugged charm, of course…
Buffy: WHAT?
Wesley: You thought I hadn’t noticed about the mom hair?
Buffy: *WHACK*

Angel: Buffy, I’d like you to meet my son.
Connor: Hi.
Buffy: Your SON??? Angel, how come you never told me???
Angel: Actually, he’s not even a year old.
Buffy: Boy… I guess eating your vegetables really does make a difference.
Connor: Actually, chocolate bars and Ho-Ho’s do just fine.
Xander: I’m beginning to like this kid.
Buffy: DAWN!!! Where’s that phone!!!

Gunn: Hi. You’re Xander, right? I’ve heard a lot about you.
Xander: And you’re Gunn? I’ve heard about you too!
Angel: Yeah, well, we thought the useless characters would get along.
Xander: Angel, I still hate you.
Gunn: Hey, I think we might get along after all, bro.

Spike: Hello, mate.
Angel: Spike! So… I hear you have a soul now. How’d that happen?
Spike: I slept with Buffy.
Angel: WHAT? Why couldn’t that happen to me?
Cordelia: So we could be together, lover.
Xander: Wait… you and Angel???
Connor: She’s also sleeping with me.
Buffy: DAWN!!! I want WB’s phone number this instant!!!

Cordelia: Willow! Nice to see you! And I see you finally learned how to dress like a girl!
Willow: Yes. And I also learned to peel, skin, maim and gut like a girl. Want a demonstration?

Dawn: So, how is it, being an evil child?
Connor: It’s cool. And I get to beat up my dad too.
Buffy: Don’t even think about it, Dawn.
Dawn: *sigh*
Connor: Don’t worry, I’ll show you a few tricks. For example, try this: *kick* *dodge* *WHACK* *kick* *kick*.
Dawn: Hmmm, impressive. But can you do this: *Ahem ahem* *Mee mee mee mee*… GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!
Connor: I am not worthy. I bow before you.

Gunn: Hey, I’m not useless. This one time, I helped clean stains out of the carpet after Angel did a spell.
Xander: Oh yeah? Well I fixed the living room window TWICE after attacks by the Harbingers. Beat that!

Lorne: I’ll raise you three dead birds.
Spike: I’ll see your three dead birds, and add two tabbies.
Fred: Fold…
Willow: (I’d raise if I were you)
Buffy: Willow! What did I tell you? No magic at the poker table!
Dawn: This is starting to look like another party I remember…
Buffy: Uh oh. Check the door, guys, quick!

Anya and Cordelia: *Gossip gossip* Chumash tribe *laugh laugh* Wedding cancelled *gossip gossip* *wish wish*
Xander: Wait… what are you girls talking about?
Anya and Cordelia: Nothing.
Xander: *gulp*

Angel: Lorne can read your future. All you have to do is sing to him.
Willow: Hey, that’s cool! Can I try?
Lorne: Sure, pumpkin. Sing away!
Willow: *Ahem* “I see a red door and I want it painted black… No colors anymore, I want them to turn black…”
Lorne: …
Angel: So? What do you see?
Lorne: Right now I see myself on a highway heading back to L.A. at 120 miles per hour.

Xander: And this one time, I got beaten up in a bar by this nerdy supervillain.
Gunn: Oh yeah? Well this one time I got zapped by this electro-girl…

Fred: Nice Christmas tree you guys have.
Buffy: Thanks. Found it at a lot downtown. Giles couldn’t help me carry it home, but some hooded guys did the job.
Angel: Wait… Giles didn’t help you?
Giles: I can’t touch anything.
Angel: Why?
Giles: Sssshhh, it’s a secret. I can lean on objects, however.
Angel: God, is the Big bad a drug dealer this season?
Giles: And I do have a shadow.
Lorne: And these were your friends, Angel?
Connor: Sure explains a lot.
Angel: Quiet, you.

Fred: Ooo, look at the nice tree decorations... Wait, why’s this one hanging upside down?
Willow: Oh, that’s Rack. I took his power and then hung him like a banana.
Fred: Ooookay… And say, who’s this guy hanging with no skin?
Willow: That’s Warren. I peeled him like a banana. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m getting hungry.
Fred: ANGEL! Can we go now? Please???

Angel: Well. We must do this again sometime.
Buffy: Yeah, we really must.
Angel: Connor? You coming?
Connor: *Ahem* GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!
Angel: On the other hand, maybe separate shows and separate networks are a good idea.
Buffy: Awwwww! (Thank you Dawn!!!)


Otts wishes you all a very Merry Christmas!!!