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Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Fred: Omigod! Faith!!!
Connor: What happened?
Wesley: She beat Angelus.
Fred: Oh no! What do we do now?
Wesley: I suggest we take Faith upstairs in slow-motion.
Gunn: But what good will that do?
Wesley: IIII ssssssaaaaaiiidddd innnnnn slloooowwww mooootiooooon.
Gunn: Buuuuuuut whaaaaaat goooooood wiiiiiiill thaaaaaaat dooooo?
Wesley: Draaaaaaaama vaaaaaaluuuuuue.
Faith: *SNNNNOOOOOOOORE*
Joss: Yoouuuuuuuuu’re aaaaaaaaaalll fiiiiiiired.

Cordelia: *WHACK*
Connor: What???
Cordelia: You think I don’t see the way you’re always talking about Faith? You’re practically in her leather-clad lap!
Connor: Cordy, I’d never do that!
Cordy: No?
Connor: Her leather pants are too slippery. It’s not comfortable enough.
Cordy: In a few months, junior here inside my belly will be able to attack, Oedipus.

Wesley: There’s only one thing we can do for Faith – finish what she started.
Connor: You can’t do that! Besides, we already tried everything.
Fred: Not everything… We still have one way to restore his soul.
Wesley: Get the Marvin Gaye CD.
Willow: Ahem…

Angelus: So what happens if you die?
Faith: Then I’m just dust in the wind. Or a candle in the wind. There’ll be a wind theme in there somewhere.
Angelus: *FART*
Faith: Ugh, not that kind of wind! Don’t you have any manners?
Angelus: Hey, I’m evil, baby!
Faith: Too bad I can’t dream up a stake.

Cordelia: Oh hi, Willow! Have you come to L.A. to re-ensoul Angel? Because if you have, I want that glass of water over there.
Willow: Why?
Cordelia: So I can use you for target practice while your back is turned.
Willow: Knife not gonna cut it. You think I’m an amateur? Well buckle up, Cordy, ‘cause I’ve turned pro.
Cordelia: What?
Willow: Sorry. My dark self tends to get itchy whenever I’m around evil wannabes.
Cordelia: *THWACK*

Wesley: So, anything I’m not up on in Sunnydale?
Willow: I could tell you, but then I’d have to skin you.
Wesley: I see.
Willow: Hey, I have instructions from UPN, bub. You think this crossover comes for free?

70s’ Angel: *groove groove Mandy yeah yeah*
Angelus: Bring on the pain!
Faith: Hey, you look cool!
Angelus: Shut up. My hair looks like Peter Frampton on a hot and hazy day in D.C.!
Faith: Between two bad hairdos, I’ll choose the un-evil one anyday.
Robber: *BANG*
Angel: You just shot my jukebox!!!
Robber: Sorry, pal. It was an act of mercy.
Angel: GROWL! *bite*
Faith: Gee, I guess evil is never that far, is it?

Willow: I’m darker than you.
Wesley: You can’t be darker than me. I wear stubble and an angry glare. It doesn’t get any darker than this.
Willow: I had my hair black and my eyes black. I’m darker.
Wesley: I boinked an evil lawyer. I’m darker.

Faith: You saved a puppy!
Angelus: Um… well…
Lady: Ooo, you found my puppy! Can I buy you lunch?
Angel: Actually… I just ate. *burp*
Vampire puppy: GROWL!!! *chomp*
Lady: Aaaaaaahhh!!!
Faith: I guess this gives a whole new meaning to the words “Puppy Chow”.

Willow: I flayed a man alive. I’m darker.
Wesley: I kept a woman in chains in my closet. I’m darker.
Willow: That’s not dark, that’s kinky. Are we talking kinky now? Because I got some stories to tell.
Gunn: Please, spare us.

Connor: There’s something evil rising in the hotel. Can you feel it?
Fred: Oh my God.
Nick Carter: Hey folks! Lookin’ for soul?
Fred and Gunn: GYAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Angel: Faith, you saw me drink. It doesn’t get any lower than that.
Faith: Promise?
Angel: Well, there’s my Platinum Blonde phase in the 80s’… Here, I kept a picture of my ‘do back then. Wanna see?
Faith: Can I go get eaten by the nice bear now?

Angel: How do you feel?
Faith: Like I did mushrooms, got eaten by a bear and signed a contract for an unknown show that’s not a Buffy spinoff.
Angel: Boy, that drug is powerful stuff.

Fred: You know, I’d love to discuss the Codex Pergamum with you sometime. Because, y’know, it’d really give people the opportunity to compare us and see who’s mousier.
Willow: I’m seeing someone. But I bet she’d love a threesome. And, y’know, she’s the type who likes combat boots.
Fred: Squeak!
Willow: Oh well. Anyway, ready, Faith?
Faith: On second thought, maybe I’ll just take the bus to Sunnydale.
Willow: Wouldn’t you prefer taking the bust to Sunnydale? *wink wink, nudge nudge*
Faith: And behind door number two, the bear. I’ll take it.