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Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Caleb: Are you ready to finish this… BITCH?
Buffy: How much tobacco do you have to chew to sound that Southern?
Caleb: Raaaaahhhh!!! *whack whack whack*
Buffy: *WHACK* *SPLIT*
Angel: OK, where’d he go?
Buffy: I split his achy, breaky body.
Angel: *groan*

Angel: It’s just, we’re talking about Spike here…
Buffy: It’s different now. He has a soul.
Angel: And he’s coming on *my* show next season? What, they think I’m gonna take this lying down?
Buffy: Well, you *are* a vampire… you sleep in a coffin, dontcha? *chortle*
Angel: *Stomp stomp stomp brood brood*
Buffy: Where are you going?
Angel: I’m going on strike! No way I’m letting another brooding, souled vampire onto my show! What do they think we are, the Blues Brothers?
Buffy: What about my second front?
Angel: Front schmont.
Buffy: *sigh* There goes my menage a trois plotline.
Spike: Not a chance, luv. You’re sleeping in the garage tonight.
Buffy: Awwww!

First: WAAAAH! You killed my preacher!!!
Buffy: Lucky he didn’t fight… Faith. *chortle*
First: Watch out, little girl. I still have Oral Roberts up my sleeve.
Buffy: We are so gonna win.

Buffy: … so this is the part where you make a choice. Do you want to get killed by the vampires while I go on vacation to Florida, or do you want to get killed by vampires while I watch and rejoice?
Rona: Ummm, is there a “none of the above” option?
Buffy: Nope. But you get to choose which Seal I open first. Number 1, number 2 or number 3?
Vi: Bonus.
Rona: Whee.

Giles: Great, now I’m a wounded dwarf with the strength of a doily.
Willow: I think that’s insulting the doily.
Giles: Willow, the Coven is still only a phone call away.

Xander: The bathroom is to your right. If you do want to go to the bathroom, please note that Andrew and I will be there with spyglasses.
Rona: And he’s supposed to help us win this thing?
Buffy: Hey, just remember, he only has one eye now. So he only has a fifty-percent chance of seeing anything worthwhile.
Xander: Don’t help me, Buff.

Wood: I’m a better lover than you.
Faith: WHAT?
Wood: Trust me, I’m a better lover than you.
Faith: You know what happened to the last guy who said that to me?
Wood: He went on to date a vengeance demon?
Faith: *WHACK*

Buffy: So, here we are, just the three of us in a high school, in a scene reminiscent of where it all began.
Xander: So, what do you guys wanna do?
Willow: I could resurrect a satanic temple or two.
Xander: That’s not where it all began!!!
Buffy: It’s gonna be a long, long ten minutes before it all ends.

Kennedy: Hey, that was cool! But it looks like your hair changed color again. How do they do that?
Willow: The makeup girl musta been there sometime during the spell. Hmm, nice white. But I hate the way it breaks my hair.
Kennedy: Well, I always wanted to date an older woman, but this… *chortle*
Willow: Oookaayyy, we’ve seen what powers come with the black hair, now let’s try the white… *ZAP* Oooo, cold and sting-y.
Kennedy: Owie.

Andrew: A lake… candy canes… bunnies!
Anya: Bunnies! Floppy, hoppy bunnies! GRRRR!!!
Vampire: *Hop hop nibble nibble*
Anya: GAK!!!
Vampire: *WHACK BREAK*
Anya: *Croak*
Vampire 2: Did she die from a broken neck or a heart attack?
Vampire 1: Looks like a heart attack to me.

Spike: Well, this is the end of the road, love. Time to say goodbye.
Buffy: I love you.
Spike: No you don’t. You’re just saying that because I’m gonna die.
Buffy: Well hey, you’re coming back next season on Angel, aren’t you?
Spike: But you’re not. I read the scripts.
Buffy: Crap. I’ve been found out.

Faith: Hey, we’re out of danger, Robin! Robin? ROBIN!!!
Wood: Boo.
Faith: GAK! *jump*
Wood: See, I told you I was better at jumping y-
Faith: *WHACK*

Buffy: Ooo, look what Spike did with our town. A big hole! Pretty!
Willow: So I guess we’ll have to find other places to stay.
Faith: Other shows to be on.
Xander: I’m hoping for Enterprise.
All: *stare*
Land promoter: Hey, nice piece of land you got there. Mind if I buy it?
Buffy: Who the hell are you?
Land promoter: The name’s Wilkins.
Buffy: *WHACK*