Someone grabbed her, hard. But it wasn’t Buffy.
“I’ll put an end to you, girl!” a gruff male voice growled. In spite of herself, Willow screamed, which struck her as kind of ridiculous, since a second earlier she’d been about to end it all. There she was, her feet dangling in the void, the vampire holding her in a bear hug, aiming his fangs at her neck…
“Willow!!!” Dawn screamed.
“Hey, you!” Buffy called out defiantly. “You hurt her, I’ll be very, very unhappy. And you don’t want to see me when I’m unhappy that way.”
“Buffy, don’t…,” Willow started.
“Shut up, Will,” the Slayer snapped.
The vampire seemed utterly unimpressed by the whole scene. “Yeah, listen to your friend, little girl. Unless you wanna be dessert.” He’d dragged Willow back on the cliff, so he could face Buffy without letting go of his prey. Willow went along willingly. She didn’t care. She just closed her eyes and waited for the end, be it from the fall or from the vampire. She knew what Buffy had been trying to do. That’s what a Slayer really is, she thought. A saver of lives. She hates me, but she’s saving my life because she thinks she has to.

From the corner of her eye, Buffy saw Dawn moving silently between Willow and the vampire and the cliff. Her first instinct was to warn her sister off. But she remembered… Dawn wanted to help save Willow where she hadn’t been able to save her sister. Buffy owed her that much.
So instead, she taunted the vampire. “All right, buster. You want dessert? Come and get it…”
Vampires were so predictable. Roaring, the bloodsucker threw Willow aside and lunged at Buffy. He caught her full in the midsection, but she rolled with the blow, bringing him down with her. He tried to get up, but she backhanded him in the neck. He hissed in surprise, but used his position to headbutt her in the belly.
“Oof. You’re paying for that, buddy!” she announced, before launching herself at him again.

Willow opened her eyes and watched the Slayer trying to save her. She wondered why. I’m a killer too. A few days ago, she was saving people from me. All of a sudden, she realized with certainty that she had lost her best friend.
You know what you have to do…
She sighed. Now was the time. Buffy wasn’t paying attention. She turned around and…
“You’re not going to do this!”
Dawn was standing there, her back to the cliff, her hands on her hips, barring Willow’s way.
“Move aside, Dawnie,” Willow said softly.
The teenager stuck her chin out. Amazing how she suddenly looks so much like Buffy, Willow thought. “Try and get me to move,” Dawn challenged.
Willow sighed and looked at Dawn with infinite sadness in her eyes. “Dawnie, I have to do this.”
Dawn’s eyes went wide. “Oh no you don’t! I’ve heard that line before… just before I lost my sister. I’m not losing you, too!”
“Dawn… I tried to kill you!” Willow answered, her voice filled with bewilderment and pain. She started to cry. “Move out of the way… please. Let me end this…” she wailed.
Dawn was crying too, now. “You are not killing yourself”, she said firmly.

Willow stared at the teenager for a while. “You’re right. I shouldn’t do it”, she said at last.
Dawn smiled through her tears. Carefully, she stepped toward the redhead. “You had me worried there for a minute…”
The teenager never knew what hit her. Willow threw her best punch and winced at the pain in her knuckles. How the mighty have fallen… she thought. But the blow had felled the teen pretty neatly.
“Believe me, cutie, it’s for the best…”
She turned and walked toward the void once more. The voices kept whispering within her. You know what you have to do…
The darkness embraced Willow Rosenberg.

But not the kind of darkness she’d wished.

“Weren’t you listening? You’re not doing this,” Buffy said as she stood over her best friend’s unconscious form. “You’re coming back to us whether you like it or not.”


Chapter 4

Dawn was nursing a nasty bruise where Willow had hit her hard. The ice pack did some good, but barely. Willow sure packed a punch when she was desperate. That’s what I get for wanting a piece of the action, the teenager thought.
On the other hand, Willow herself was nursing a healthy lump, courtesy of the Slayer.
“I just hope she knocked some sense into you,” Dawn observed.
The former witch didn’t answer right away. She was staring straight ahead, her mind clearly miles away. When she did turn to look at Dawn, her eyes were a pool of hurt.
“Why won’t you let me go?” she moaned.
“Don’t say that!” Dawn cried. “Willow, why can’t you see this is wrong?”
“I’m a murderer…” Willow muttered, quite matter-of-factly.

“She’s killed people, Giles!” Buffy said, perfectly aware that it was probably the twentieth time she’s told her Watcher as much in the past two days. “We’ve gotten her back, but who she was before all of this happened can’t handle both Tara’s death and the guilt she’s feeling!”
Saying it made her eyes well up. She felt so helpless, and she had come so close to losing Willow again…
Rupert Giles looked at Buffy, his eyes filled with sympathy. “I know, Buffy. I know. But you must remember, Willow is not alone…”
“Giles, I’m not sure if I can…” Buffy cut in, her voice shaking. “I’m not sure if we can… right now…” Suddenly the pressure of all that had to be done weighed heavily on the Slayer’s shoulders. She realized how much she was grieving for Tara when the mere thought of her made her eyes well up yet again. And she was still out of a job and trying to make both ends meet. And Anya was up with the vengeance again. And Willow… Both anger and grief once again surged up inside her. She tossed the feelings aside; it had been just enough to make her realize that she couldn’t face Willow. Not yet. Saving her from killing herself was easy enough, she’d gone into Slayer mode, but for the rest…
Giles saw all this in Buffy’s face. He rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Buffy. I would never ask you to take care of Willow right after what has happened to her…”
“But I still love her, Giles…” Buffy pleaded.
“I know,” he answered softly, nodding. They looked at one another silently for a minute, and she nodded. He did understand.
“So… what happens now?” she asked quietly, looking into his eyes.
“There’s a place… in England. There are people in the Coven who can take care of her. Help her heal.”
There was a silence as Buffy digested this. “Will she ever be herself again?”
Giles shook his head. “I don’t know, Buffy. I just don’t know.” He lowered his head in thought, and Buffy noticed he looked much, much older. He was grieving for Willow too.
“Only time will tell,” he added. Buffy slowly nodded.

She was alone. Alone and in the dark. “But then, you were always dark”, a voice said. Something came off the box she was lying in, and there were Buffy, Xander and Dawn. All dressed in black, and looking at her like she was an animal under a microscope. She wanted to answer, to cry out for them not to leave her, but she couldn’t move or speak. DON’T LET ME DIE!!! Her mind cried out. “You’re already dead”, Buffy said, her voice cold. “Remember,” the Slayer said, “You’re the one who brought me out of the earth. Well now, the earth wants you back.” And with that, she covered the coffin once more, and Willow silently screamed as she felt the earth beginning to cover her. Alone. The pressure of it on your shoulders unbearable.

“Willow, wake up!” Giles demanded, holding her by the shoulders. It took a moment for Willow to focus and realize where she was. Then it all came flooding back. All she had done. She recoiled away from Giles, her eyes wide with fear, as she remembered what she’d done to him, especially.
“It’s alright, Willow. No one’s going to harm you.” He tried to put a reassuring hand on her arm, but she recoiled once more, her eyes full or alarm. So he settled for looking at her with as much tenderness as he could muster.
“We’re going on a trip, Willow”, he said quietly. “You’re going to come to England with me.”
Willow tried to comprehend why on Earth Giles would want to take her to England, unless… She lowered her eyes in understanding. She would welcome what was to happen.
Giles took out a syringe and filled it from a small bottle. “Wha… what’s that?” she asked, alarmed once more, panting with fear.
“Sodium penthotal. It will help you sleep.” She didn’t resist as he gently stuck the needle in her arm. “Buffy… where’s Buffy?” she asked.
“She had to go, Willow. Rest now,” he said gently. And as the drowsiness overtook her, she realized it was better this way. Giles was taking her away to spare Buffy, Xander and Dawn the pain of her death. Finally, it’s over, she thought before lapsing into sleep. The last thought she had was for Tara.

Buffy, Xander and Anya weren’t gone as Giles had said. They were congregated at the bottom of the stairs as Giles came down, carrying an unconscious Willow. Nobody moved or said anything except Dawn, who silently took a suitcase she had packed for Willow and carried it to Xander’s new car. Giles handed Willow over to Xander, who softly carried her out the door. Giles and Buffy stood face to face for a moment. “Take care of her,” Buffy finally said, tears running down her face. “I will,” Giles promised.

And then he was gone. But then again, Buffy had had so much loss in her short life that she wasn’t sure she cared anymore. Angel, Riley, Mom, and now Willow… What was it all for?

A hand touched her shoulder. Dawn had stepped back into the house without her even knowing it, so lost had she been in thought. Now her sister looked at her with a smile of total understanding. “I love you, Buffy,” she said.
“So what do we do now?” Buffy replied after a beat.
“We try to make things right,” Dawn answered.

Chapter 5

Those who think you don’t sleep under anesthesia have it wrong, Willow thought, somehow conscious of her own dream. Those are the times when the truth comes to you. And the truth can be worse than evil sometimes.

Giles had pulled a few strings with the Council to have himself and Willow ferried by private jet to England. No sense in attracting attention by carrying a sleeping girl onto a commercial flight; besides, the Council’s jet had beds. Giles wanted Willow to be as comfortable as she could be, under the circumstances. He didn’t know how she’d react once they got to England. And most of all, he didn’t know how the Coven would react. They knew he and Willow were coming, of course; but being face to face with one who a few days ago had tried to end the world could make contact more… difficult.
He looked at Willow with aching sympathy. Dressed in sweats, her red hair mussed up, dark circles under her eyes, she was sleeping uncomfortably, he could tell. My poor, poor Willow, he thought. You have a trying road ahead of you. Pensive, he listened to the plane’s roar as it sped towards the Atlantic Ocean.

The plane’s roar dominated Willow’s dream. Only it wasn’t a plane roaring. It was people. Tons of people. She was standing in a courtroom, alone. All the people she’d known were there: Buffy, Xander, Dawn, Anya, Cordelia, Oz, Tara… And they were against her. All of them. “I told you you were using too much magic,” Tara accusingly said. “She did it to impress me, and look where it got her,” Oz added. “I knew the minute you broke that yellow crayon that you were a loser,” Xander sneered. “I trusted you with my life,” Buffy spat at her. “And what did you do? You gave it back to me, you bitch!”

They were all converging on her now. She backed up against a wall, and noticed that she once again had black hair and was wearing the black outfit she’d worn on Kingman’s Bluff. “Stop it! It’s not who I am!” she pleaded. “Isn’t it? I told you I’d walk away from this and you’d be begging me to go join your little friend!” a skinless Warren, dripping with blood, said mockingly. Willow screamed as Warren touched her hand.

Holding Willow’s hand, Giles tried to calm her. He began gently stroking her head, and finally, whatever nightmare she’d been having seemed to end. Her head rolled to one side and she slept on.

* * *

When does the pain become bearable? When one has become accustomed to it? It feels as though she’s been locked in this night for years, even centuries. In the woods, hunting Warren, following his scent like a predator, the pain moving her feet forward. She’s always been in those dark woods. She always will be. She hates it here, always has. The pain has always been there. And Tara isn’t even a human being anymore. It’s a knot of ache locked deep inside her, and as it festers, she can barely touch it without sinking. She wants to die, but she doesn’t want to sink. So she’s stuck. So when does the pain become bearable?

She didn’t recognize the sound. It came to her as she was just emerging, “between two waters” as they call it. Or was she sinking? She tried to remember, as she opened her eyes at the end of a nauseating awakening, what she had been thinking about. She couldn’t. And still the noise continued. As her eyes came into focus, Willow’s surroundings registered on her numbed mind. Edwardian wood-panel walls, painted copper-plate ceiling with flower reliefs, an old studded couch in one corner, guillotine window with white lace drapes flying gently with the wind.

Her face barely moved as her eyes took this all in. She didn’t feel like smiling, she didn’t feel like crying. She just took note of her surroundings. Is this what getting used to the pain feels like? she thought. Slowly, she got out of bed, fighting the dizziness and nausea that followed, and padded slowly, barefoot, to the window. There she found the source of the noise: a woodpecker was working on an oak tree just outside, before a countryside of rolling hills and knolls, a small stone fence and a slightly overcast sky. The world I almost destroyed. The thought brought a pang of regret, which burned out almost as quickly as it appeared.

“So this is it…” she said with a level voice.
“This is what?” Giles asked. He had entered the room quietly, but nevertheless Willow had sensed him. Those powers wouldn’t go away.
“The end of the road,” she replied.
Giles sighed and took off his glasses. “Is that what you think?”

But Willow wasn’t listening anymore. “It’s so beautiful…” she whispered.
“You know where you are?” Giles asked, joining her by the window.
“England,” Willow answered, not taking her eyes off the vista.
“Yes. I… had to bring you here to –
“I can feel it,” she cut in. “My position relative to the earth… Giles, I can feel it!”

He rested a hand on her shoulder. “Come. I have many things to show you.”
“Any of them have something to do with punishment and torture?” she asked with a small voice.
“Silly girl,” Giles chuckled tenderly. “Come. I have many things to show you.”

And so it began.