Email me: sergiusmagnus@hotmail.com Darla: Are you sure we’re alone here?
Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Guy: Yup, I’m telling ya, we’re alone.
Mantis eggs: No you’re not.
Darla: Shut up already. Not your episode yet.
Guy: Not my episode yet?
Darla: Not you, honey. The eggs.
Guy: Eggs? What eggs?
Darla: Ah, forget it. *BITE*
Joyce: Okay, Buffy. You’ve burned down the school gym, been expelled from school and forced us to leave L.A. for this piece of nowhere. And now you’ve got a chance to start over in a new school. What do you say to that?
Buffy: I’ve got seven years to disappoint you in every way.
Joyce: Have a nice day, honey.
Flutie: Oh look, here are all your school records. Well, we don’t need this *RIP* and we don’t need this *RIP* and this shows you burned down the gym, we…
Buffy: Could just burn it?
Flutie: Bad choice of words. Bad, bad, bad.
Buffy: You don’t have anything to worry about.
Flutie: Thank God!
Buffy: As long as you have insurance.
Flutie: Eep.
Cordelia: Alright, let’s run you through the coolness test. Luke Perry?
Buffy: So out.
Cordelia: Not bad. Kristy Swanson?
Buffy: Blech!
Cordelia: Really good! Charisma Carpenter?
Buffy: Um… uh… really in?
Cordelia: You’re hot. I am not worthy.
Buffy: Why do I get the feeling that was a trick question?
Giles: I know what you’re looking for. *SLAM*
Buffy: Uhm…
Giles: Is something wrong?
Buffy: Can I have the pocket version?
Giles: Can I have another Slayer?
Luke: The sleeper will awaken.
Crickets: *Chirp chirp*
Luke: The sleeper will awaken!
Crickets: *Chirp chirrup chirp*
Luke: Terminator II is on cable tonight.
Master: What, and nobody told me???
Luke: Gotcha.
Angel: I know what you want.
Buffy: Apart from giving you my hairdresser’s number?
Angel: You want to kill them. Kill them all.
Buffy: Well, yeah, I mean anyone who would give you hair that goes straight up like yours does should die.
Angel: *sigh*
Buffy: What’s wrong?
Angel: Your bad puns are interfering with my being dark and broody.
Buffy: Oops, sorry.
Master: Luke.
Luke: Master.
Master: It has been a long time.
Luke: It has indeed.
Master: The day has come.
Luke: Yes it has.
Master: The writers haven’t gotten any better.
Luke: No they haven’t.
Buffy: So do you have a boyfriend?
Laugh track: Hahahahahaha!!!
Willow: *sigh*
Buffy: Did I say something funny?
Willow: “Me” and “boyfriend”.
Laugh track: Hahahahahaha!!!
Buffy: Ooooookaayyy…
Master: I’m hungry.
Luke: We thought you would be, so since you just awoke…
Master: Yes…
Luke: … we fixed you some breakfast…
Master: Yes.
Luke: … some Harvest Crunch. *chortle*
Master: *groan*
Luke: We figured you’re a cereal killer *chortle choke*
Master: I’ll put your eyes out now.
Buffy: Anything else I should know about your love life?
Willow: Me. Xander. Barbie.
Laugh track: Ahahahahaha!!!
Willow: *sigh*
Buffy: This is starting to sound like Cheers.
Willow: Well, the Bronze *is* the place where everybody knows your name.
Bartender: Hey, you, the redhead in the carpet dress. Are you gonna pay for that 7-Up?
Willow: *sigh*
Giles: Concentrate, Buffy. Is there a vampire here? You should be able to…
Buffy: Him. Or him. Um no, him. Ugh, why do all the people in this town have such bad taste in clothing? Forget it, they’re all vampires.
Giles: Really, can I have another Slayer?
Buffy: Nope. You’re stuck with me for seven years.
Giles: I’m doomed.
Buffy: Oh, hello, Willow got herself a date, how sweet!
Giles: Why does the Council hate me so?
Buffy: *creep creep LUNGE*
Cordelia: GAH!
Buffy: Cordelia!
Laugh track: Ahahahahaha!!!
Cordelia: Hey, that’s not fair!
Buffy: It’s going to be a long, long seven years.
Buffy: All I wanted to be left alone. I was retired. Now you forced me back into it. What do you have to say for yourself?
Darla: We still have Kristy Swanson lined up if you’re not up to it.
Buffy: *WHACK*