p a r o d y


You're Welcome: The Parody
by Otts

Email me: sergiusmagnus@hotmail.com

DISCLAIMER – All Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Please ask permission from webmaster@hellmouthcentral.com before posting to another site.

Connor: *forget forget*
Cordelia: Zzzzzzz…
Spike: *ghost ghost*
Cordelia: Zzzzzz…
Angel and Eve: *pant kiss lick pant*
Cordelia: Zzzzzz…
Lindsey: *plan plan*
Cordelia: Zzzzzz…
Parasuco Superstore: *sale sale*
Cordelia: Wha…? Lemme go NOW!

Spike: *play play play*
Phone: *ring*
Eve: The game’s afoot.
Lindsey: No, it’s Donkey Kong.
Eve: *groan*
Spike: *play play play* *KICK BREAK SHATTER*
Lindsey: OK, that was a foot.

Angel: *knock knock* Cordy?
Cordy: Right here! Let me conceal this bedridden body and I’m with ya.
Angel: *hug* You’re awake! What made you snap out of it?
Cordy: I had a vision.
Angel: What kind of vision?
Cordy: Our ratings going down.
Wesley: GASP!!! Something must be done!
Cordy: Well, I’m open to suggestions, big guys.
Wesley: I could kill my father.
Angel: I could brood.
Cordy: Wow, the Powers that Be really have a sense of humor.
PTBs: Not enough to make your ratings go up, though.

Angel: Welcome to the kinder, gentler Wolfram and Hart.
Cordy: Ooook… I *think* I can do this.
Monster on a leash: Sure you can. Just don’t look at my underwear that way.
Cordy: I can do this, I can do this…
Harmony: CORDY!!! Omigod!!! You’re back, yay! OK, we’ll start with a drink and I’ll tell you *all* about my love life! And then we’ll get our hair done, and then…
Cordy: I think there’s a body in a coma behind a curtain in a hospital waiting for me right now.
Harmony: Awwww, bummer.

Cordy: How come no one remembers Connor?
Angel: Because I made a deal with the Senior Partners. I take over Wolfram & Hart, they give Connor a new life. I wanted to show I love him.
Cordy: And is he happy?
Angel: Sure… he’s part of Howard Dean’s public relations team now.
Cordy: Boy, the Senior Partners really *are* evil!

Cordy: Hey Spike. I heard you’re not evil anymore…
Spike: *GROWL* *BITE*
Cordy: GAK!!!
Angel: *Whack* Get off her!
Spike: She’s evil! Doyle told me!
Cordy: Doyle?
Spike: Of course! The Texan guy with the tattoos who made me the hero of the people and wanted me to drain Cordy here!!! And besides, you don’t taste evil. You taste like…
Angel: If common sense showed up right in front of you and yelled “Gesundheit!” you wouldn’t recognize it, would you?
Spike: Don’t be a git, of course I wouldn’t!

Eve: You can’t torture me. You’re good, I’m connected to the Senior Partners, and I’m cute and inoffensive-looking. *stony silence*
Harmony: Hey, want *me* to torture her? I mean, I’m evil!
Angel: Be my guest.
Harmony: Yay! OK, we’ll start with a drink and I’ll tell you *all* about my love life! And then we’ll get our hair done, and then…
Eve: AAAAA! I’ll talk, I’ll talk!!!
Harmony: Awww, bummer.

Lorne: Angel! The whole supporting crew is gone! Even my makeup artist’s left!
Angel: Alright, Eve, spill. What’s a Level 7?
Eve: It’s a failsafe. In case the ratings get so low we might not make it to the end of the episode. Now let me go, now!
Angel: Dammit, I have to brood more!
Cordy: We’re doomed.

Angel: We gotta get to Lindsey, NOW!
Spike: Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the baddie zombies. You just go after tat-guy.
Angel: Right. Let’s go.
Spike: Oh, and Angel – do I get a raise for figuring out Doyle isn’t my goodie-guy Yoda after all?
Common sense: GESUNDHEIT!
Spike: Do I know you?

Lindsey: Howdy, Angel. Please note my evil-room-induced super-strength. And my extensible sword. *whack*
Angel: Do you line-dance in those jeans? *whack*
Cordy: *remove tats*
Senior Partners: *archly* Yes, Lindsey, can you line-dance?
Angel: Is that Achy Breaky Heart I hear coming from that funnel you’re being sucked into?
Lindsey: NOOOOOOO!!!!
Cordy: *sigh* The Senior Partners are just so evil.

Cordy: I just wish I could be there to see you beat the baddies. And brood the ratings back up again. But…
Angel: Awww, Cordy, I was going to create a new department just for you… a demon fashion department.
Cordy: Really???
Angel: Yep. You’d be working with…
Cordy: *glee*
Angel: … Harmony.
Cordy: GAK!!!
Body in hospital: *croak!*
Angel: Oopsy. I was just joking…
Common sense: GESUNDHEIT!
Angel: Sorry, don’t have time for a new client right now.