Feedback: It’s VERY appreciated!

Rating: PG

Pairing: B/A

Spoilers: Sort of up to “Not Fade Away”, but doesn’t give away anything from the actual episode. Mostly up to “Power Play”, I guess.

Summary: We all know who was missing from the finale; this is a scene I wrote which I think really should’ve been there, a scene I dreamed about…*sigh*

"Absence is to love

What wind is to fire;

It extinguishes the small,

It enkindles the great."

-- Roger De Bussy-Rabutin

He slipped through the doorway, shutting the door quietly and carefully behind him with both hands as he entered the room. He stepped in further, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides in nervousness. Releasing a shaky, unneeded breath, he shut his eyes tightly. The tentative touch on his arm did not surprise him – he had felt her from 10 miles away. He opened his eyes and turned around slowly to face her, almost crying out at the sheer beauty of seeing her again.

There were already tears in her eyes, like a sheet of glass that would have shown him his reflection if it were possible. He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and sighing in relief when he felt her do the same. Laying his head atop hers, he let the silence surrounding them settle and prepared himself for what was about to take place. She sniffled against his chest, her blonde locks partially covering her face, her tears causing the strands to stick to her golden skin. She gripped the leather of his jacket tightly.

“Hey.” He reluctantly pulled back, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking into her eyes. The misery he saw there frightened him, and he hated himself for the fact that he had caused it. Again. “It’s gonna be okay,” he assured her, only partially believing it.

“Oh, yeah?” Her voice was quiet, and he detected the spitefulness in her words. “And what part of this is ‘okay’?” Her pain was a tangible thing, and he clenched his jaw to stop the tears from falling. They blurred his vision, nonetheless.  “Oh, God…” She said it with self-loathing after seeing the sorrow in his eyes and pulled him close, wrapping her arms around his neck.

They let it go now, silently crying into each other’s shoulders, their bodies quaking with their sobs. When their tears temporarily subsided, they pulled away from each other slightly, touching foreheads. “Whatever’s gonna happen, I’m gonna be there with you,” she vowed sternly.

The thought scared whatever life was left out of him, the life that only she could call forth. He was even more scared by the fact that part of him desperately wanted to accept her offer. He was ashamed. “No,” he said forcefully. “No way in hell.”

Now she was pissed.

“I am not letting you do this alone!”

He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Listen to me,” he began gently. “This is my fight, Buffy. And if I’m worrying about you I won’t be able to focus. I need to know that you’re safe, that you’re living a life you’ve finally been given a chance to live.”

“You think I can’t handle myself?” She raised an eyebrow, and he sighed patiently.

“Love, you know that’s not why. I know you can kick my ass without breaking a sweat, but that doesn’t make me worry about you any less.” Knowing he was being truthful and – as much as she hated to admit it – logical, she looked down at her feet, unable to hold his gaze. “You’ve got ties to this world, Buffy,” he went on. “You’ve got a sister that needs you and friends that love you more than anything. I’m not going to take you away from them.” He shook his head, trying to will her to understand. He still saw protest in her eyes.

She looked at him now, her eyes flitting back and forth between his. “And I’m not your tie to this world? Angel, I need you here. Just...don’t go through with this. It’s not too late to walk away.”

“I can’t do that, and you know it. I have to finish this, Buffy. I have to do this myself. No matter how it ends, it ends tomorrow.” And at his words, perhaps truly realizing for the first time that this could be it for them, Buffy’s heart broke for the last time. She knew that after this, it would be broken beyond repair. She wanted to be by his side for this more than anything, but she knew he needed to do this on his own. For his soul. She understood that better than anyone. Her lip quivered as she fought her tears, and more than anything in his life, Angel wanted to kiss her.

But he had a feeling that it would just make it all the more impossible to walk away.

She waited for the kiss, but it never came.

“I thought-” she began brokenly, “I thought we were gonna get another chance...” He caught another tear on her cheek with his thumb, and looked at her like he could see into her soul. Buffy knew that he was the only one that ever could. For some reason, that clarity provided her with a great deal of comfort.

“If it was meant to happen, it will,” and he believed his words with all his heart.

She quickly pulled him close again and whispered her next words into his ear: “I know you cringe at the word, but you are a hero, Angel.”

He held onto her tightly, clung to her with no intention of ever letting go. “If I’m anything at all, it’s because of you.”

“No,” she quickly disagreed. “I just gave you a push in the right direction. I saw it in you from the moment we met.” Buffy looked at him now with a sad smile on her face, ran her fingers over his features with adoration.

“Well, that’s because you were my inspiration.” He smiled back at her, then grew serious once more. “You gave me a reason, Buffy. Don’t ever underestimate how amazing you are.”

She kissed him then, so desperate for his taste that she couldn’t bring herself to care about the well being of the world around them. It seemed to go on for a beautiful eternity, but when it was over, it felt like it was gone in a split second. It reminded Buffy of her relationship with Angel, and the thought made her heart ache in a delectable blaze of passion.

“I love you,” she said softly. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything...” Her eyes searched his. “Please don’t ever forget that, no matter what happens,” she begged. “Promise me you won’t forget...”

His chest tightened in remembrance of a day so long ago that he sometimes convinced himself had only been a magnificent dream. “I’ll never forget,” he whispered without flinching. Buffy wiped away the lone tear that slipped out of his eye, and he kissed her forehead. “I love you,” he said. “And I have so much to tell you, there’s so much I want to know about you. Everything I’ve missed-“

“It doesn’t matter,” she said abruptly. “It doesn’t matter how much time has passed or how many moments we’ve missed because some stupid higher power decided to tear us away from each other. You know me. Better than anyone. And I know you, where it counts. Nothing and no one can take that away from us.”

He was so proud of her, and he knew that this was exactly how he wanted to spend his last night on earth. His eyes moved to the clock and as she followed the direction of his gaze, she was filled with dread.

Yet, somehow, there was a hope inside of her. It was a small flame at first, but as she reached out her hand to take his, that flame grew so powerful it burned the dread to ashes. And as Angel looked at the only woman who had ever had all of him, he found peace.

“I’m still not gonna say goodbye,” he said suddenly, nearly echoing the words he said so many years ago.

She kissed his lips softly, and smiled through her tears. “Goodbye doesn’t have to mean forever. Not with us.”

“No,” he agreed. “It doesn’t.” They stood in silence for a moment, soaking in each other’s presence.

“Will you dance with me, Angel?” Her question surprised him, and he laughed softly, loving her more than he had ever thought possible.

She held him and let him hold her, and though her head insisted it would be the last time, her heart knew that it wasn’t. And so they danced, the Slayer and her Angel, to music only they could hear.

FINIS