D: You know, maybe we should go over this thing again of you getting out in the world and involving yourself with people. It's Friday night! It's the most social night of the week! I mean a couple of lookers like us should be out there enjoying the night life, instead you're sitting here moping around in the dark like some kind of a . . .
A: Vampire?
D: Well, yeah, I was gonna say slacker, but yeah, to you Mr. Obvious....

D: I think we deserve a night of fun, don't you think? I mean, it breaks up the nights of death and mayhem.

D: Tell her what I great guy I am.
A: I barely know you.
D: Well, perfect, that should make it easier for ya.

D: When you're talking me up to her, whatever you do don't let her in on that me being half-demon, okay? Because women get a little funny about that.

D: It's not like you have a signal folks can shine in the sky whenever you need help, right?

A: There's our number.... it's right next to a, um, a butterfly?
D: It's obviously not a butterfly you idiot, it's a, uh... bird. No, wait, no it's an owl! A bird that hunts at night! Brilliant! It's a ....
C: It's an angel!

D: It's a bar. I think I recognized it. One of those terminally stuck in the 80s places.

A: I'm just wondering. Have you noticed anything unusual here tonight?
Bartender: Unusual?
A: Yeah, you know. Out of the ordinary? Possibly even dangerous?
Bartender: Don't worry. It's early yet. The real hot women don't mosey in until around 11.

C: Hi! If you're in trouble just call this number. We can help. Hi! Being harassed by someone or something? Dial us up, day or night. Hey, you look troubled, or is that just your lazy eye? Anyway, call us, we're very discreet.

D: This isn't a marketing seminar, princess. You know, we need to operate a little bit more below radar.
C: What radar?
D: The police. You know the service our friend Angel provides? Might put someone in mind to the V word.
C: Vampire?
D: No, vigilante.

D: See, you need to chat people up a bit more casual like, you know? "Hi, what's your name? How's life treating you? What's that you say? Minions from hell getting you down?"

A: Seriously, I wasn't hitting on you....

K: I prefer those cool bars that are hard to get in to, but I can't get into them.

A: I'm just looking for someone to ... rescue? Are you maybe in need of some rescuing?

A: I'm not very good at this talking....

K: I gave up on the Knight in Shining Armor concept a while ago. Anyway, I don't really expect to find them here at the International House of Poseurs.

K: How else are you gonna meet somebody out side of work. It's either this or sit at home alone in the dark.
A: Wouldn't want that.

K: So, um, what do you do?
A: Do?
K: For a living?
A: I, uh, well basically I'm uh, I help.... I'm a veterinarian.

C: What's with those vision things of yours?
D: Well, they're messages I get, from the higher powers, whoever they are. You know, it's my gift.
C: If that was my gift, I'd return it.

C: Plus, your visions are kind of lame. A bar? That's nice and vague. I mean, they should send you one of those self-destructing tapes, you know, that comes with a dossier?
D: Well, I'll be sure to mention it.

K: Way to come off like a drunken slut. Slut's better than a hypocrite, right? I'm moving up?
A: You're kind of hard on yourself.
K: Well, I'm a self-flagellating hypocrite slut. What was the question?

D: Everyone just simmer down here. Violence isn't going to solve a thing.
::SMASH::
D: On the other hand, it's kind of festive.

A: Are you okay?
Girl: Well now, that's for you to find out.
A: No, I mean, I'd really like to know. So, how do you want to do this? Twenty questions?

A: So, Marcy from Barstow. That doesn't even rhyme or anything.

A: I'm having a hard time believing Doyle's vision meant that I was supposed to come here and break up a bar fight.
D: Yeah, well, if it was, I'm in for some serious workman's comp.

A: This socializing thing is brutal. I mean I was young once. I used to go to bars. It was never like this.
D: No, you used to go to taverns, man. Small towns, everybody used to know each other.
C: Yeah, like high school. It's easy to date there. We all had so much in common. Being monster food every other week for instance.

C: I guess the single life is particularly tough on you.
A: Why?
C: Well, a couple hundred years ago, the only thing you had to worry about was a hangover. Today, because of your curse thingy, you can't sleep with anyone or else you might feel a moment of true happiness and lose your soul, become evil -- again -- and kill everyone.
A: Thanks Cordelia. I always appreciate your perspective.

C: Hey, the last thing I want is to show up at the office and find that I'm working for a homicidal monster.

C: Okay, I'm in the newsgroup search engine. Now, what's the name of the place again?
A: D'Oblique. Capital D, apostrophe, capital O-b-l-i....
C: Not so fast. Okay. Capital 'D'.... apostrophe... apostrophe... Oh! I got it. Now, what comes next again?

A: How'd you pick up computer skills?
C: Downloading pictures of naked women?
D: Well that's more or less accurate.

A: I'm just asking you not to go in there.
K: Where are you going?
A: In there.
K: Well, I'll tell you what. I can go wherever I want, and you can go to Hell.
A: Been there. Done that.

C: Demons. Is there anything more disgusting?
D: You think so?
C: Come on. Look at this one. This demon wears a wreath of intestines around its head. I mean, honestly, what kind of statement is this thing trying to make?

C: I've known a lot of demons, and slime aside, not a lot going on there.

Talmar: You're not human.
A: Newsflash, pal. You're a bit off the evolutionary chart yourself.

K: You're telling me you're an investigator?
A: More or less.
K: Where's your license?
A: That's the less part.

D: Wow, this place is, uh.... I thought girls were supposed to like pretty things.

C: That is so high school. Cordelia wears bras. Ooooh, she has girl parts.
D: I think it's refreshing to see a woman living like this. It means you're not so uptight. You live for the moment. ::Steps in cereal bowl:: You're disgusting.

C: You promise you'll stay good?
A: Cordelia...
C: I'm kidding, come in.

A: You actually live here?
C: Yes, okay? Is it my fault that maid service was interrupted? It was supposed to go home, hotel, hotel, husband. Now, can we move on?

A: It's a burrower.
C: It's a donkey? We didn't see any donkey demons.

A: I know I can recognize this thing if I just saw it in another body.
D: That shouldn't be a problem then. That narrows it down to, what, 5 million suspects in the naked city?

C: It's a parasite, moves from body to body, and when it starts to move from one to the next, not gonna gag here, but the first one goes gerpluey pretty fast.
D: Yup, curdles like cream on a hot day.
C: Uh, I believe I covered that with nondairy gerpluey.

D: Who you calling?
A: Kate.
C: Cagney and Lacey Kate?
K: Sure, that's actually on my To Do list this week, "Walk into serial killer's trap."

K: Who *are* you?

A: If you ever need me, or if I can help you in any way...
K: What is this, a lobster?

A: I know you guys have been working hard and cooped up inside a lot. And, uh, to show my appreciation, I was thinking, the night being you know, young and all... that the three of us could, well, should maybe ... go out. You know... for fun.
C: Or.... we can... go home!
D: And you can sit in the dark alone.
A: God yes. Thank you.