C: Okay, we fade up on an aerial shot -- downtown, skyscrapers, lights, yadda yadda yadda. We hear a narrator -- preferably famous, maybe that bald Star Trek guy or one of the cheaper Baldwin brothers -- and he says, "It's a big, bad city out there." Cut to a woman walking down a dark, spooky street -- alone. We'll cast some beautiful, young actress -- maybe an up-and-coming starlet whose career is on the verge of taking off. Anyway, she's all nervous, right? Mucho vulnerable. The voice guy says, "Danger lurks around every corner." She's attacked by big, ugly goon -- with a knife! She screams, "Help! Is there no one to help me?" "Well, now there's someone who'll answer your call. He'll protect you. Catch you when you fall. You can count on it."
A(commercial): "And you can count on me. Because I'm the Dark Avenger."
A: I'm the what?

C: I know a little something about self-promotion, and I'm telling you, one commercial like this could help get us out of the red... or the black... or whichever one means we're broke. 'Cuz that's us!

D: Advertising a super hero who can't really go in the daylight might raise vampire suspicions. Not to mention our pesky lack of an investigator's license.
C: And who needs a license when we have no clients?!

C: Angel is all wrong for this commercial! He's a larger than life character, way too Braveheart for Joe Couch Potato to relate to. We need someone who's average, run of the mill, ordinary . . . . you're perfect.

C: Come over here into the light, and let's see if we can create some cheekbones.

C: Our boss is in a funk. You know that he's only happy when he's fighting evil. Let's drum some up!
D: I don't know what we need evil for when we've got you right here.
C: I heard that.

D: Angel Investigations is the best! Our rats are low. . .
C: Rates!
D: It says rats.

C: I don't know. I'm not getting Everyman. I'm getting . . . uh . . . weasel! We don't want weasel.
D: I don't know. I think people'll be pouring in once they hear about our low rats.

C: I feel kind of hopeless with him down there doing the nonprofit brooding. It's not like he has a heart. How can it be broken?

C: Maybe if we get him a costume!
D: A costume?
C: Well, the guy's a bona fide hero. Would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us a little free publicity?
D: I don't see Angel putting on tights . . . . Oh, now I do and it's really disturbing.

D: Is this a private catharsis, or can anyone watch?

D: There's a girl upstairs who's not quite sad enough to cry in me arms, but keep up the dark cloud. I might get lucky.

D: All right, one of us has been drinking, and I'm sad to say it isn't me.

A: Buffy and I were together until we realized it couldn't be. We don't belong to ourselves. We belong in the world, fighting.

D: You had the one thing you've wanted in your unnaturally long life, and you gave it back?
A: Maybe I was wrong.
D: Or maybe Cordelia was right about you being the real deal in the hero department. See, I would have chosen the pleasures of the flesh over duty and honor any day of the week. I just don't have that strength.
A: You never know your strength until you're tested.

D: You've lived and loved and lost and fought and vanquished inside a day, and I'm still trying to work up the nerve to ask Cordy out for dinner.

A: The Oracles said something very bad is coming. Soldiers of darkness ushering in the End of Days kind of bad.
D: So much for the security of long-term savings bonds.

D: Well, if it's a fight they want . . . can't someone else give it to 'em?

D: Tell you what. You fight, and I'll keep score.

C: Angel started the day over knowing he'd remember everything that happened?
D: It's pretty amazing, huh?
C: Amazing he didn't check the stock quotes or the lotto numbers!

C: Whoever you saw just now . . . did it look like they could afford to pay?

D: I punked out. I'd only just found out about my demon side. I didn't know what it meant. The idea of sudden family obligations with guys that looked like big blue pin cushions, it was just a little bit too much to take right then.

D: These people are gonna need more than their mythic Promised One. A contractually obligated 500 might be a start.

C: While this may look like a < looks at item > popular brand of breath freshener, it's really a cunningly disguised demon repellent!
*spritz*spritz*spritz*
Man: Wintergreen.

C: Hey, Doyle. You did notice that these people are demons?
D: Yeah, I know that. Doesn't make them bad people.

C: Okay, mission statement check: Aren't we supposed to be battling the forces of darkness?

C: So we're booking them on a cruise?
D: Basically, yeah.
C: I'm guessing not Carnival.

C: This guy owes Angel money? Why aren't we collecting?!
D: Cordy. Oppressed demon people here. Not getting any safer.
C: So we're sending them on a cruise, *and* we're paying for it?

Harbor Master: I could get into a hell of a lot of trouble doing this.
A: Not as much as if you don't.

A: Big Randy told you about me, right? What I am?
HM: He told me you bit him.
A: Oh, I didn't bite him.
HM: So you don't . . .
A: I wasn't hungry.

A: No one looks inside that ship or tries to stop it from leaving port. If they do, I'm going to be feeling it's your fault. Then look for me to get a little bit peckish.
HM: *stamp* Have a nice trip.

D: You're fast.
Reef: I'm walking. You're just old.

C: Well, it's not exactly the Love Boat, is it?

Reef: I though all Brakken demons had a good sense of direction.
D: Yeah, we're also pretty good at basketball, too.

D: I think I hated that plan.

Captain: Angel said he'd cut my debt in half, I do him this favor, right?
C: Yeah, half. That's what he said. A big whopping 50 percent. Uh-huh. Quite a deal.
Capt.: You take 60 percent off, then I wait.
C: You drive a hard bargain.

Man: He has to live with a certain amount of persecution. You always do when you're half demon.
C: Demon?!

D: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. Thought if I did, you'd reject me.
C: I've rejected you way before now!

C: What do you think I am, superficial?! I mean, you're half demon. That is so far down the list -- way under short ... and poor.

C: Is there anything else I should know?
D: The half demon thing, pretty much my big secret.
C: Good. That's out. It's done. Would you ask me out for dinner already?

Scourge Guy: You lied to us, half-breed.
A: You catch on quick, football head.

SG: Soon only the pure will be left standing.
A: Actually, Pure Boy, you'll be on your ass.

D: The good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.

D: Too bad we'll never know . . . if this is a face you could learn to love.

D: If you need help, then look no further. Angel Investigations is the *best.* Our rats are low. < Rates! > It says rats. Sorry. Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the chips are down and you're at the end of your rope, you need someone that can you can count on. And that's what you'll find here. Someone who'll go all the way, who'll protect you no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices, and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world.

D: Is that it? Am I done?