A: You look nice.
C: Aagh! Oh, and now, I look like the Joker.
A: Sorry.
C: Hopefully, I'm still too young and carefree for a heart attack. Would it kill you to hum a little tune when slipping up on people?
A: I don't hum.

A: Maybe we could be a little less young and carefree with the filing?

A: Okay, so, why is Mrs. Benson filed under 'F'?
C: Because she's from France. Remember what a pain she was?
A: Yeah, made me want to drink a lot.
C: Well, that's the French for you.

W: Hello! I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian Fighting Ax, when I suddenly thought, "Perhaps Cordelia's had a vision. Perhaps you need my help in the battle against evil."
A: We seem to be evil-free at the moment.
W: I also packed along a Word Puzzle 3-D, if either of you has the nerve to take me on.
C: Gee, Wesley, I'd love to, but unlike you, I'm not in my 80s quite yet.

W: If shaking your booty at the latest trendy hot spot is your idea of a life, then call me [turns to see Serena & Emily] sick with envy.

E: Wilson Christopher.
W: No! The ethnoarcheologist from Brandeis?
S: The fashion photographer from LA who's been seeing Cordelia.

S: (to Wesley) That Hugh Grant thing is really starting to work for me.
A: So, you've been seeing someone. How come I didn't know?
C: Because I'm ashamed of you -- not to mention how you'd embarrass me by giving him the third degree.
E: Your boss can give me the third degree anytime.

S: (re: Angel & Wesley) The good ones are always gay.

A: So, that client I'm supposed to be meeting tonight, what's he like again?
C: Like a big baby, hatching from a big egg, with really large hands in need of a manicure.

A: That's right. Termites lay their eggs anywhere, such as *next door.* And we fight termites -- wherever they may roam.

W: That was bracing.
A: Yeah. Baby just hatched. Wouldn't want to run into him when he grows up and gets his driver's license.

W: Maybe we should clean up. [looks at carnage] Do you think a Tarval demon leaves a hefty security deposit?

W: Nobody's more fond of Cordelia than I, but if she wants to go gad-abouting with those doxies . . .
A: I think they liked you.
W: Really? I didn't mean doxy in a sexually promiscuous sense, exactly. You don't think sticking the ax in the wall put them off?
A: That was charming.
W: What about the fact they thought we were gay?
A: Adds mystery.

WC: So you left Sunnydale and came to LA. What was that like?
C: Skydiving without a parachute. Except for the smashing your body to bits part. Actually, no, it was like that, too.

C: Oh, and the guy that's supposed to be here when you arrive?
WC: The guy?
C: With the big bag of fame and fortune?
WC: Oh, that guy.
C: So, what happened to him?
WC: He comes and goes. He's sort of fleeting that way.
C: Well, if you see him, will you tell him to fleet my way?

C: In high school, I knew my place. And, okay, it was a haughty place, and maybe I was a *tad* shallow . . . .
WC: Oh, hey, nobody feels like they belong here. That's sort of the point of LA, to make you feel as insecure as possible.

C: Um, you don't have to--
WC: Call you?
C: Go home? I mean right away. It's still early . . . . in Australia.

WC: You live alone, right?
[Lights go up on their own.]
C: In the sense that I'm the only one living here that's actually alive.
WC: That was a yes, I think.

W: Hey, that's some jaunty polka.

C: Alright, Dennis. Knock it off. This is the one guy I've actually liked in a long time. And if you keep killing the mood, I'll kill you! Alright, empty threat -- you being a ghost and already dead. But I'll do something worse! I'll play Evita around the clock -- the one with Madonna!

WC: Who're you talking to?
C: My ghost? I have a ghost. He's jealous.

C: Angel.
A: It's all right. We're here.
C: I'm ready to wake up now. I don't seem to be waking up.

C: What would I say to him? "I had a really great time. I think you left something at my place?"

A: You're not alone.
C: That's sort of the problem, isn't it?

Bartender: I didn't see you.
A: I get that a lot.

Bartender: So, you're the boyfriend?
A: No. I'm family.

Doctor: You're, what, 8 1/2 months along?
W: Feels like only yesterday, doesn't it?

[Cordelia guzzles blood from Angel's fridge.]
A: I don't think I've ever realized just how disgusting that was.

WC: This is a private club. Featured word: Private.
A: You don't talk to me, I'll kick your ass. Featured word: Ass.

WC: Angel, right? The boss? She told me all about you.
[Angel disarms him, grabs him in a choke hold.]
A: Somehow, I doubt that.

WC: I'm not telling you anything.
A: I was so hoping you'd say that. [POUND]

A: How else would losers like you get ahead? You'd have to become procreative surrogates for a vile demonic entity.
Jason: Well, mostly, I do it for the sex.

A: I really hate it when people shoot me.

W: We can end this without harming the women. Oh. just one tiny problem.
A: What's that?
W: Well, I don't want to use the words "impossible to kill," but . . . fire won't kill it. Decapitation won't. It's really huge.

Demon: Who are you?
W: Wesley Wyndham-Price, Rogue Demon Hunter. And I'm here to fight you, sir, to the death -- preferably yours.

W: As a point of courtesy, I like to get to know my opponents before I engage them in mortal combat. Do, uh, do you have any hobbies?

A: Sorry I'm late to the baby shower. Brought a little gift.

C: I really hate dating.

W: If you need more time, Angel can manage. I've been helping out a little, and . . . someone forgot to close the filter again.
A: Of course, if you're ready to come back. . . .

C: This producer was so nice. He said I was his first choice. We're going out to dinner tonight.
A: Tonight?
W: Well, best you get back on the horse, I suppose.
C: He is so sweet! He says that all I have to do is let him impregnate me with his demon master's seed, and I've got the part!

C: I'm a lot stronger than those demon surrogates thought.
A: I'm startin' to learn that.
C: I learned something, too. I learned, um, men are evil? Oh, wait. I knew that. I learned that LA is full of self-serving phonies. Nope. Had that one down, too. Sex is bad?
A: We all knew that.
C: Okay, I learned that I have two people I trust absolutely with my life. And that part's new.