Customer: What about you? You got any special abilities?
W: A few, I dare say.
Customer: Are you a creature of the night?
W: No. But I was a Rogue Demon Hunter, so I know how to handle myself when things get rough.
[Slips on files. Falls on face.]
Customer: Yeah. You're scary.

C: What are you doing?
W: Oh, knocking things over, driving away business . . . You know, the usual.

C: I found. And we have to stop him before it's too late. We have to change our. . . . Do you have any clothes a man would wear?

G: How'd you get in?
W: We used the door.
G: And they just let you in?
C: [donning glasses] Hello! Lawyer!

C: Still with the Darla of it.
W: Did you encourage this?
G: I'm just goin' along for the ride.
C: It's going to be a pretty short ride. They have vampire detectors.
G: We know. It's cool. He's got a plan.
W: A plan?
A: Yeah, I get to the office before they stop me.
G: See. What? That's the plan? Walking real quick was the plan?

C: Angel, this is crazy. Listen to yourself. You're all insane. And angry. And insane! You need help.
A: I'm not insane or angry.
[Elevator doors open. Angel skewers guard's foot clear through with his stake.]
G: Man, that's nasty.
A: Maybe I am a little angry.

G: Okay, what I wanna know is, how I live in LA all my life and not know this weird-ass stuff was going on?
C: Oh, the ass is even weirder than you think.

H: I thought maybe I'd seen you walk away for the last time. You doing okay?
A: Yeah.
H: Once more with less feeling.

A: I guess I'm a little . . . rocky.
H: You're Rocky. And Rocky II. And half of the one with Mr. T.

G: Wait, are you sayin' . . . Is he gonna sing? Oh, God, is Angel gonna sing?
H: You don't have to sing. A break for you, a break for me, a break for Mr. Manilow.

H: This guy . . . He'll shock your chakras, fillet your soul . . . whatever you need.

A: We're going. I don't have to sing.
C: Oh Thank God! . . . . I mean, for your sake. Because I know you don't like to do that.

C: (spinning in chair) Hey, look at me! I'm Angel!
W: He doesn't generally spin that much.
C: Right! (Picking up book) This is Angel. "Oh, no, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday."

W: I'm Angel. (nearly falls) You're looking for me?

S: Nice ride.
A: Sorry?
S:The car. Very slick.
A: Thanks.
S: What kind of mileage you get with that thing?
A: I don't know . . . 12 in the city, maybe.
S: Gas hog. Still, probably a chick magnet, right?
A: What? No.
S: You say so.
A: I thought we were going to talk about my problems?
S: That car is your problem, pal. It says everything about you.
A: The car.
S: Yes, the car. You live in LA. It's all about the car you drive.
A: I really don't think . . .
S: Vampire living in a city known for its sun, driving a convertible. Why do you hate yourself?
A: I don't. I got a deal.
S: You got a deal. Why not a personalized license plate that says "irony"?
A: The top goes up.
S: Appearance, very important to you.
A: That's not true.
S: Sure it is. So important that you're willing to put your eternal life at risk every time you hop into that thing, top up or not.
A: It's just a car.

S: So why all the layers? All the black? You know it's been like 80 degrees in the shade lately.
A: No reason. I don't have a body temperature, so . . .
S: So it's for the look.
A: No. It's just this way I don't have to worry about matching. I don't actually have a reflection, so . . .

W: Blood. I don't usually . . . drink in front of humans.
B: Don't insult me. Go on. It's fresh.
[Wes gulps some down.]
W: Dear God. That's . . . nummy.

A: Well, maybe my persona is a little affected . . .
S: A little affected? Come on. How many warriors slated for the coming apocalypse do you think are gonna be using that hair gel?

V: Oh, look. The vampire's here.
W: Um. . . yes. Hello.
V: Well, daddy knows how to send out for just about anything.
B: Virginia, play nice. Angel's gone out of his way to help us.
V: No he hasn't. You probably brought him here at gunpoint.

V: Let's go shopping.
W: What? Now? It's the middle of the night. Wouldn't you rather wait for morning. . . . When I can't reasonably leave the house. Yes, as your bodyguard, I insist we go at once.

C: And this whole "I'm Angel" thing is a very, very bad idea. I mean, if I thought that would work, I could've been Angel, because, guess what? Pretty much a girly name.

Thug: You're Angel? The vampire?
W: Yes, I am. I'm Angel . . . the vampire with a soul. Fighting for my redemption with . . . with . . . killing evil demons. That's right! Scourge of the demon world. Don't worry, boys, I don't kill humans. Unless I'm . . . angry.

S: You're holding back. What are you afraid of?
A: Nothing.
S: You're wimping -- this isn't River Dance! Fight!

A: I can't let it control me.
S: Ahhh. I see. [Kicks Angel's butt.] You don't think it controls you?

S: You're deeply ambivalent.
A: Well, I am and I'm not.

S: (regarding Darla) What's she look like?
A: Look like? Beautiful . . . small, blonde . . .
S: Right. So here's what you do. You go out and you find yourself some small blonde thing. You bed her. You love her. The treat her like crap. You break her heart. You and your inner demon'll thank me, I promise.
A: Uh. . . .

V: I think about getting my own place, a little apartment. A job -- something silly, like . . . a perfume sprayer, or . . . working in a tire store.
W: A tire store?
V: I told you it was ridiculous.
W: It sounds wonderful. Rotating tires. Inflating. . . things.

S: So you really can't. . . at all?
A: Well, it's part of what makes me special, right?
S: Right. No, that's real special.

W: You know, this whole "curse" thing has been widely misinterpreted.
V: Really?
W: Oh yes. Less-- less of a curse, more of a . . . hex, really. Barely that. A recommendation.

S: What are you doing?!
A: Getting in touch with my inner demon.

C: You've got everyone scared around here, I'll tell you that. It's like they don't even know you're a shemp!

W: Cordelia, I'm not going with you.
C: What? I'm *rescuing* you. Key ingredient: We leave.

W: I have a job to do.
C: What is wrong with you? You've got, like, delusions of Angel. You're not him. You can't do stuff on your own!

C: Oh, hey. Mr. Bryce, I've seen your picture. (To Benny) And I remember you from the armed abduction!

C: Wow, you kinda screwed her over, huh?

C: What happened?
A: (helping Gunn) He got hit.
C: By who? The swami? Swamis don't hit. Swamis swam!
A: Why is Wesley wearing my coat?

W: Did you find out who hired him?
A: He wouldn't say. . . That is my coat, right?

A: What's going on? Where you in Virginia?
W: That's beside the point.
W: We have to go. Angel, you take Gunn and go to the front of the house. Cordelia, we'll go around the back. . . .
A: Wesley?
W: Oh, right. I'm sorry. You know this sort of thing best. How should we proceed?
A: Um. . . Well, Gunn and I could . . . take the back?
W: Very good. Let's go.
A : Um, Wesley? Can I get my coat back?

B: Be a good girl now. This is hard enough already.
Benny: He's really torn about it.

W: Release her or die.
A: Don't I say that?

Yeska: The sacrifice. . . . is impure!!

B: She's impure? She's not a virgin? (To Wes) You!
G: Whoa. That's what impure meant?
C: She slept with him?
B: You were supposed to be Angel! This wouldn't have happened! That's why I hired him! He's a eunuch!
C: You slept with her?!
A: A eunuch?
W: Things happen . . . two young people . . . danger . . .
V: What are you talking about?!
B: She was a virgin before you got here!
V: I was not a virgin!
B: What?
W: Oh, thank goodness.
G: I coulda told you she wasn't no virgin.
A: Not a eunuch!
C: One day as Angel?! One day and he's getting some?
B: What? How could . . . I kept you away from all men!
A: The curse isn't even all that clear.

B: Ginny, don't do this! Don't make me angry!
V: Right, because then you might do something bad! You were going to kill me!
A: I'm not a eunuch.

C: Look at this!
A: (reads) "Virginia Bryce, squired by Mr. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, private detective and bodyguard to the stars . . ." "Squired"? Who says "squired"?
C: Look at him all over her!
A: Cordelia, you're just jealous that he's getting some attention.
C: Damn skippy! He's getting famous off this! Reflected glory? That's my thing!

A: Get a little perspective. (Reads again) "Bodyguard to the stars." Yeah right. There's no "Wyndam-Price Agency"!