Lindsey: Angel? He's up, he's down. He's good, he's bad. He's a barrel of dead monkeys.

Lilah: Could you stab me in my back a little deeper? I still have feeling in my legs.

Lilah: They'll promote one and cut the other. Around here, that's a literal cutting.

Gunn: And say what? Did my uncle check in with a knife in his eye? They only give out information to relatives. (sigh) I just got the 'calling the hospitals' job, didn't I?

Melman: Yes, your hand. That's why you're here. We're gonna give you a new one. Don't look so nervous. This is cause for applause. In just a few hours time, you'll be doing the applauding.

Angel: How's she doing?
Gunn: She's been pretty quiet. She grunted every once around noon then got on with the maniacal cleaning.

Wesley: Guess what I found? More nothing than usual.

Angel: Boy, I mean, you could see your reflection in that glass. Well, I mean, I couldn't because of the whole vampire situation, but a normal person?

Lilah: That's an expensive operation. The shaman alone's a quarter mil. I guess they like you. They really, really like you.

Irv: Why can't people take responsibility for their own problems? We didn't give them cancer, the Chinese did.

Lindsey: The plaintiffs want redress, they sue Drizon. Unfortunately they're going bankrupt this summer.

Angel: Thanks. Keep the change.
Delivery Guy: Wow. A whole dollar just for me. I'm the luckiest delivery man ever.

Cordy: You don't eat food.
Angel: Oh, I can. It doesn't keep me alive, but, you know, sometimes I get a hankering.

Angel: I forgot what you liked.
Cordy: Why didn't you ask me?
Angel: Well, you said, why is everyone asking you if they can get you anything, and I didn't wanna *do* that...
Cordy: So you did this instead.
Angel: Yup.
Cordy: I love you.
(Angel beams the biggest, brightest smile in the entire world and all known extraterrestrial galaxies)
Cordy: And you ought to do *that* more often.
Angel: Buy you food?
Cordy: Smile.

Gunn: There was a little piece of molding they missed up under the pantry. You want to sniff?
Angel: How about I just believe you, huh?

Angel: There is only thing we can do now.
Cordy: Oh, god. Oh, no.
Wesley: The Karaoke bar.
Gunn: Angel's gonna sing?
Cordy: Isn't there some other way?
Wesley: There has to be. Think, damn it!
Angel: Hey! What?

Cordy: You should pick something short.
Angel: I was thinking about Stairway to Heaven.
Wesley: Don't even joke about that.

Host: Isn't he fabulous?
Angel: He comes here?
Host: He used to come all the time before some caballero chopped off his strumming hand. -- Looks like he's got a new one.

Angel: What is that? Rock? Country? Ballad? Pick a style, pal.

Cordy: Hi. You probably don't remember me. Cordelia. I know you're evil and everything, but that was just so amazing.
Gunn: That was kind of tight.
Wesley: Terrific, really.
Angel: Is everyone drunk?

Host: Two enemies, one case, all come together in a beautiful buddy-movie kind of way.

Angel: You know, when I was in charge here, nobody questioned my methods or my singing.
Cordy: You're half right.

Lindsey: What are you doing here?
Angel: Gee, I don't know, saving your life?

Lindsey: You got no business! Why aren't you trying to kill me?
Angel: Excuse me. I'm on a case here, Lindsey. Does everything always have to be about killing you all the time?
Guy: I can see you guys got issues, so I'll just...
Lindsey: That's my lead! You're choking my lead!
Angel: 'He's *my* lead! He's *my* lead!' What, are we on the schoolyard here?

Angel: Hmm, can't you just taste that butter fat?
Lindsey: You are really gross, you know that?

Lindsey: You could've had it. But you didn't have what it takes: An evil hand. I mean, come on, who here does, huh? Leon doesn't. Charlie doesn't. You do know you gave me an evil hand, right? I've been writing 'Kill, kill, kill' on everything. It's crazy. It's crazy. Anything could happen!

Lindsey: Stop, evil hand, stop it. I just can't control my evil hand. Nathan, I'm so proud that you chose me. Charlie! If I had been in your shoes, I would have chosen Lilah. Let me tell you why. Do you have any idea of the hours this chick has logged in? Huh? The files she has on you guys? Deep stuff. Ronnie, your stock manipulations, Nathan's little offshore accounts... Can you imagine if something were to happen to this girl and those files got back to the senior partners? They'd eat you alive! She's been working overtime, boys. She's everything you ever dreamed off. Lilah is your guy. Me -- I'm unreliable. I've got these evil hand issues and I'm bored with this crap. And besides, I'm leaving, so if you wanna chase me, be my guest, and remember (holds up his hand) evil. (Knocks on the table with his right hand.)

Nathan: Well. Let's amend the minutes. -- Lilah Morgan was promoted. -- And, uh, someone call an ambulance.

Lindsey: If you're here to kill me, grab ya a ticket and get in line.
Angel: Oh, I really like this truck. '56, right? First year they had that wrap-around windshield. You know, back in the fifties we all thought life was gonna be like in the Jetsons by now. Air cars, robots. -- I'd love to have an air car. Wouldn't that be cool?

Lindsey: I hope you're not waiting for me to tell you that I learned some kind of a lesson. That I had a big moral crisis, but now I see the light.
Angel laughs: If you told me that, then I'd have to kill you. I'm just here to say 'bon voyage' -- don't come back.
Lindsey: To L.A.? -- Nah. -- You can have this place.
Angel: Good. I'm glad I didn't have to do something immature here.

Angel: Don't drive too fast now. Lots of cops out there.