F: "What time is it?"
C: "6:24. And for those of you who are playing the home game: that's exactly three minutes from when you last asked."
F: "I'm sorry, I just have this theory that the more you're aware of time the more slowly it moves... which could make light speed travel possible, but only if you were concentrating real..."
C: "He'll be back when he's back."

F: "So, now that she's alive again, are they going to get back together: Angel and the girl with the goofy name?"
W: "Well, Fred. That's a difficult question. I think it's fair to say: No. Not a chance. Never. No way. Not in a million years. And also... never."

C: "Let me break it down for you Fred: 'Oh! Angel! I know that I am the slayer... and you are a vampire... it would be impossible for us to be together, but...'"
W: (ripping off his glasses) "'But! My gypsy curse sometimes prevents me from seeing the truth. Oh, Buffy!'"
C: "'Angel!'"
W: "'I love you so much I almost forgot to *brood*!'"
C: "'Just because I sent you to Hell that one time doesn't mean that we can't just be friends...'"
W: "'...or possibly more!'"
C: "'Gasp! No! We mustn't!'" (Wesley grabs her>
W: "'Kiss me!'"
C: "'Bite me!'"
(Wesley growls)
A: "How about you both bite me?"

C: "But, but Angel... we're your friends. And it's not healthy to repress stuff like that. You need to share your pain, express those feelings and longing, or... the curiosity's gonna kill me!"
A: (deadpan) "Oh, no. We wouldn't want that."

F: "Personally I don't care at all what happened."
C: "Shut up, Fred!"

C: "Now we'll never ever know."
A: (from off-screen) "That's right!"

F: "This has been the best night ever. First there's you taking me to the ice cream. Then there's the ice cream. Then that monster jumps out of the freezer and you're all brave and 'Fred,! Watch out!'. Then we get to chase it down into the sewers, which are just so bleak and impressive... and holy. I could build a condo down here!"
A: "I'm glad you're having fun!"

F: "Lucky stiffs! They get to lead lives in mysterious sewers, while I'm just plain-old boring-old Fred."
A: "Boring? It's not a word I'd use for you."
F: "Fine: Nutty-Old-Gooney-Bird-Up-In-Her-Room-Doing-Nothing-But-Mooching-Off-Angel Fred. I swear, I don't know how y'all put up with me. I practically need flashcards to understan... What pretty crystals!"

F: "But shouldn't we call Wesley first and maybe, you know, the army?"
A: "Ah, Durslar demons are pretty Faulknerian: All sound, no fury. You sure you can find your way back o.k.?"
F: "I think so: 128 meters back, eastward fork, 207 meters to the southward fork, hang a right, twelve meters in... I'm just being a big nerd again, aren't I? I'm gonna go now."

W: "You know, back in my days as a Rogue Demon Hunter I once used that very spear to pin down what I thought was a small Rhodentius demon... of course the poodle's owners weren't very happy...."

G: "Ooh, pretty wicked lookin' toy!"
W: "I'll say. It almost looks like a spring-loaded decapitation device...."
C: "Or it makes toast. With her you can never tell."

FD: "I'm Roger. This is my wife Trish. We're sorry to barge in on your ... arsenal here... but we really need to talk to you."

W: "She's fine... and out at the moment with one of our associates."
C: "Who is not an evil fiend... or a vampire... because they don't exist. In case you're unfamiliar with our L.A. gumshoe detective slang."

A: "Wait 'till you guys hear what happened at Haagen-Dazs! Ordinarily these things don't put up much of a fight, but *whoa*! I think I'm gonna have it... (sees Fred's parents) ...mounted. Hello."
C: "Angel... you're alone... and, and you brought... a prop... from your movie! Angel makes monster movies. Angel, these are Fred's _very normal_ parents."
A: "Ah... Fred has parents."

A: "Well, sure is nice to meet you folks."
FD: "Uh, son? Your prop is dripping."
A: "Oh, yeah, this! Fake. Paint, paper-mache, glue... (crash)... possibly some lead."

G: "Can you picture Fred sneaking off to send a letter?"
C: "Sneaking off? (snorts) Right! Oh, yeah. Fred can barely tie her shoes without Mr. 'You're My Big Fat Hero!' around!"
A: "You think I'm fat?"

A: "Where would Fred go?"
G: "We could hit all the local taco stands. (they all glare) Joke!...kinda."

L: "Oh, it figures! Right when Judge Judy was about to lay the smackdown!"

L: "Can't you read the sign on the door? 'Se habla _closed_!'"

F: "Oh, no! Was there another massacre?"
L: "Oh no, just the one. But it turns out massacres are a lot like sitting through _Godfather III_: once is enough."

F: "I need cash. I don't want to talk about it because my head might go twang and I'll sing if I have to: (sings) Row, row, row your boat!"
L: "Easy! Easy! Forget the singing, sweetheart. Your aura's practically screaming! Yeah, you are in a bad place, aren't you, doll? You thought you could out-run them, and maybe you were free. But those old monsters hunted you down. I know why you're running away, Fred. And do you know what your problem is?"
F: "I'm not strong enough to stay and face my fear?"
L: "No. You haven't run far enough."

FM: "She used to love the little community library back home. Every afternoon I'd pick her up after finishing my rounds."
C: "Oh! a doctor! No wonder Fred's so smart!"
FM: "I, uh, drive a school bus."
C: "Oh. Well, I've, uh, actually never ridden in one of those... but I hear they're very nice."

G: "I could have told you she wasn't gonna be at the library."
W: "Well if you know so much about her, Gunn, why not just tell us where she is?"
G: "Hey, that taco stand's not lookin' so bad now!"
C: "Hey, Mr & Mrs. Bicker-sen! A little focus, please!"

L: "Well, isn't this a lovely surprise."
C: "_He's_ surprised? I didn't even think he _owned_ terrycloth!"
L: "Such a small entourage. Hey, Gunn, why didn't you bring your other friends? 'Cuz they make a party!"
G: "Maybe I should wait outside."
L: "You know, I'm not entirely uncomfortable with that suggestion."

FM: "What kind of place is this?"
L: "Oh, do you like it? I was kinda going for a Dresden-after-the-bombing sort of feel."

FD: "Is this one of your industry contacts? A guy in a bathrobe wearing makeup and fake horns?"
L: "They're not fake... and it's only a little eyeliner."

FD: "Yeah, you'll have to forgive us _hicks_. Back in Texas we don't get a lot of guys who wear eyeliner. Not for long anyway."
C: "He's just teasing you. He probably just got back from a shoot. He and Angel do monster movies together. Right, Lorne?"
L: "Uh... *no*."
A: "Can I talk to you for a second?"

A: "Look, Lorne, I'm sorry about the bar, but right now Fred's missing and we need your help."
L: "Oh, really? Well, I'm not just some kind of mystical vending machine, here to spit out answers every time you waltz in with a problem. I have a heart... granted it's located in my left butt-cheek, but it's still a heart. And that heart is broken! I mean, why is it no one ever cares about *my* destiny? Everyone who walks through that door is all about me, me, me! What about _my_ me? My me's important!"
A: "You know where she is, don't you?"
L: "And another thing... uh... how do they get the pimentos in the olives? Now there's a mystery for you. Do they stuff each one by hand, 'cuz that seems a little time-consuming. Do you think they have a little pimento-stuffing machine?"

A: "Please? I know you're not a slot machine...."
L: "*Vending* machine, you big poluka!"

F: "I can do this. I can just get right up on that bus and be a whole new person. Like origami. Plastic! Someplace I've never been, no money, no friends, no job... easy as pie... 3.1415926... (homeless guy leaves) Oh, hey! I was just calculating pi to relax. I'm not dangerous! ... I could go to Vegas. Learn to play blackjack! Memorize 452 consecutive digits of pi, a few hundred measly cards should be easy... 9... 10... jack... queen... king... no! No, you're not here! Go away!"

F: "I was five years... and so lost... and at night I would... I was all by myself and you weren't there!"
FD: "Fred, I don't understand."
F: "I got lost! I got lost and they did terrible things to me, but it was just a storybook! A story with monsters -- not real, not in the world. But if you're here and you see me then... it's *real* and it *did* happen, and if you see what they made of me... I didn't mean to get so lost!"

FD: "Tell me _that's_ something from the movies!"
C: "No, that's something that's gonna kill us."

FD: "What happened to his face?"
W: "Angel's a vampire. He has a soul, but it's a long story. I'll tell it to you if we don't end up dying."

FD: (smashing a trash can at the critter's head) "That's my *daughter*, you damned cockroach!"

FM: "Did I get it? Did I get it, y'all?"

FM: "I almost hate to ask, but do you do a lot of bandaging in your line of work?"
C: "Mmm... Occupational hazard. Yeah, there's the occasional demon that tries to kill us with pillows, but sadly those cases are few and far-between."

FM: "I wish you hadn't brought that thing out again. It gives me the willies."
FD: "Don't be silly, Trish. It's just a severed head!"
G: "I got it. The lady makes bug soup with a ten-ton bus, but show her a paper-mache head and she gets the willies. Women!"
A: "Uh, Gunn, you do know? It's not paper-mache."
G: "You still got that bleach in the bathroom?"

C: "Voila! That's French for 'I think we stopped the bleeding'."
F: "Thanks, Cordelia."
C: "Next up: Multiple stab wounds. Angel!"
A: "Oooh! It's my turn!"
C: (snickering) "What a dork."

FD: "And to think: We were wondering when to call the police on a bunch of superheroes!"
A: "Well, not really a _hero...."
G: "More like a blood-sucking fiend!"
FD: "Frankly, Angel, I don't care if you drink pig's blood, cow's blood, or those froofy little imported beers. You saved my little girl!"
A: "I wouldn't have had to if she hadn't gone all Amazonia and whacked that thing with a golf club."
FD: "Well, I tell you, I haven't seen a stroke like that since Nicholas took on Gary Player in the '63..."
FD & A: "...Bob Hope Desert Classic!"

F: "I'm just not cut out for this. I mean, if Angel hadn't gotten me out of the way, you'd all be laughing in the morgue right now. Well, maybe not laughing, but.... Point is: I think I should go home where it's quiet and safe and monsters don't eat your family."

A: "So, How are you doing?
F: "Oh, fizzy... kinda weird and fizzy, but excited... a little sad... thankful ...sorta cautiously happy... relieved and worried at the same time, and slightly nauseous while still being hopeful."
A: "That about covers it."

FM: "I mean, Roger's always had a thing for those disgusting Alien movies... all that slime and teeth... ugh! He just can't get enough of them! Except for that last one they made, I think he dozed off."

FD: "Would you look at this? _Fred_ made this!"
G: "Cool ain't it?"
W: "We think it's some kind of mechanized weapon. Possibly influenced by the Medieval catapult. Designed for serious-to-fatal wounding if not outright decapitation."
FD: "Or it makes toast."
W: "Or it makes toast."

C: (whispered to Fred) "Between you and me, I'm almost a little jealous."

FD: "Your room is exactly the way you left it. All except for the guy renting it out, but his lease is up in a month."
F: "You rented out my room?"
FD: "Well, honey, after the fourth year... we didn't hear nothing from you."
F: "Daddy, I was kidnapped into an alternate dimension!"
(taxi driver stares)
FM: (to driver) "Well? She was!"

C: "In a really weird way, you know who I miss?"
W: "Fred."
C: "Actually I was gonna say 'her parents'. Is it wrong?"
A: "They were nice."
C: "Nice? They weren't just 'nice', Angel, they were..."
G: "..._parents_."
W: "They loved her, supported her. Didn't grind her down into a tiny, self-conscious nub with their constant berating and their never-ending tirade of debasement and scorn, and...." (notices everyone looking and stops)

A: "I'm gonna miss her. She was just this nice, quiet kind of crazy. Soothing."

C: "Personally, I'm glad she's gone. It's gonna be a relief not having to worry about Crazy Taco Lady anymore."

C: "Well, that's it. I'm not gonna sit around here and mope like you big bunch of... mopers! I'm gonna go home, eat some comfort food, have a nice cry, crawl under my big, fluffy... *giant bug*!"

C: "We are *so* immensely dead!"

F: "Here, I'm here!"
W: "Fred?
F: "Oh, I'm late!"
A: "Who's helping me here?"
F: "I am!"

G: "So! *Not* a toaster!"

F: "Those crystals are just dried-up bug goop. It must have laid its eggs in the Durslar's head, which would explain the Durslar coming up out of the sewer, 'cuz I mean, wouldn't you be a little crazy if you had eggs in _your_ head? I know I would. Anyway, that'd all be fine and Darwinian, except Angel killed the Durslar and brought the head back here, so the bug had to track him down to get its babies."

G: "Not to mention, that little axe-gadget is _tight_."
F: "Oh, that was just a random thought I had: What if you had to do battle with your arms cut off? Sure, you'd hemorrhage to death pretty quick, but at least you could take your enemy with you."

F: "Oh, it was nothing, just a stunning revelation of my true path in life. That's all."

F: "I belong here... unless I don't, which... if y'all don't want to put up with me I completely...."
W: "Let's put it to a vote, shall we? All in favor say 'aye'--*aye*! Good, motion passed. You're staying!"

F: "Momma, Daddy? This is my life now."
FM: "We were kinda hoping you wouldn't figure that out."

FD: "Now, Spiro Agnew. I _know_ he was a...."
A: "Grufnar demon! You knew that? I thought I was the only one who knew that!"