L: "People all forget what a mess youth is. It's a time of magic alright. And there is nothing more unreliable or annoying than magic. Let me tell you a little story."

A: "I don't know."
C: "You don't know?"
A: "Well, I'm not sure."
C: "Now, I kind of think that's the sort of thing I'd remember. Hey! Maybe you wrote it down somewhere. A note on the fridge maybe?"

C: "Maybe I was gonna tell you to back off, buddy. Maybe you were comin' on too strong, harassing me in the workplace. Maybe I had a red hot restraining order in my mitts! You ever think of that?"
A: "I was never... in the workplace.... I... well, there was that one time with the ballet ...and the stripping ...and the roundness, but that was a spell! And we were meeting in Malibu on the bluffs at night! That's a pretty romantic restraining order!"

A: "All I know is that you were my dearest friend. And I just... I hope that... I just.... I want that back. That much at least."

C: "You have no idea how much this is killing me. I know my ABCs, my history. I know who's president, and that I sort of wish I didn't. I know the name of every shoe store in the Beverly Center, but I don't even recognize the sound of my own name."

A: "We'll get you back. No matter what. I promise you we will get you back."
L: "Who is *we* paleface? I'm the one doing all the legwork. Well, it's really more lap work, because guess what just fell into it?"

L: "No pain. No side effects. I'm telling you, swingers, there is no way this can fail!" [on stage] "So I'm an idiot. What are you? Perfect?"

L: "Ooh. I'm gonna need a bigger drink."

L: "But, no, the spell was legit, straight up. I had it off this wraith, sweet girl. Not overly tangible, but she deals in memory spells professionally."

L:"She swears up and down that with the right mix, we can stop this talking and cut straight to the Cordelia Chase, in two ticks of a...ticking thing."

G: "Oh, good. Symbols on the floor. That always goes well."

W: "Did I miss the spell? Did English go away?"

L: "Okay. First of all she didn't say 'May your words please the gods' so much as 'May you orally please the gods', which is a slight... inflection is very crucial in our... Ah! God bless her. It's always nice to hear the mother tongue. As long as it's not from *my* mother!"

A: "How is he?"
C: "He's eighteen. He's a mess."

C: "So, you're perfectly okay with just wandering into my room any old time. That fits the 'we were in love' theory and the harassment theory... pretty much equally."

G: "So I'm the muscle, huh?"
W: "Sorry?"
G: "Angel's the man on the card. It's his world. I'm not a leader no more. I don't have that champion's heart like Cordy, and the brains, that was you. So that leaves muscle."

G: "I'm gonna say this once. You move on Fred and I will put you down hard."
W: "I'm glad to see you have such faith in your relationship."

W: "Not all of us have muscle to fall back on."

G: "What happened to you, man?"
W: "I had my throat cut and all my friends abandoned me."

F: "This is important. It's so beautiful...." [barfs]

W: "We'll just wait to see if there are any side effects." [laughs]

C: "It's called kidnapping a minor, Hair-Club-for-Men!"

W: "So, who are you?"
G: "I'm the guy that's gonna be kickin' a whole mess of ass somebody don't tell me what's going on!"
C: "What do they call you for short?"

C: "Oh, we're both in school. Oh. Gosh! Let's be best friends, so I can lose all my cool ones."
W: "There is no call to be snippity, Miss."
C: "This is a clarion call for snippity, Princess Charles."

W: "I am from the Watchers Academy in Southern Hampshire. In fact, I happen to be Head Boy."
C: "Gee, I wonder how you earned that nickname."
W: "A lot of effort, I don't mind saying."

G: "Gunn."
W: "Where?!?"

C: "So, we've heard from the socially handi-capable. What's your story?"

W: "Where do you hail from, friend?"
A: "I'm not your friend, you English pig! We never wanted you in Ireland. We don't want you now."

G: "You Irish?"
C: "You don't sound Irish."
A: "I most certain... I sound exactly... something wrong with my voice."

A: [in background] "...Liaaaam...eee... ahm... eng-lish pig... piiig?...."

F: "Don't y'all think this is some kind of government conspiracy? Cuz my friend Levon says the government is always taking kids and experimentin' on 'em. Did anybody else have to take a personality disorder test recently? They ask you about politics and your bowel movements and if you want to be a florist...."

C: "Okay, we've heard from Scarlet O'Please-shut-me-up. Does anyone sane have a theory?"

W: "We're all from different cities, we're all of an age... judging from the amount of facial hair I've grown, we've all been unconscious for at least a month...."

C: "Oh god! Oh god! My hair! My hair! The government gave me bad hair!"

W: "Perhaps the whole point of this experiment is hair!"
G: "I vote he's not in charge."

A: "It's the devil!"
C: "My hair?"

A: "My father said that I was a sinner, that I'd come to a bad end. Now I've come to Hell."
G: "Well, Hell's a lot nicer than my place."

G: "Don't be givin' me orders. I run my own crew."
W: "I'm sure your seafaring adventures are very interesting. But I have experience in things you couldn't imagine. I'm not Head Boy for nothing."
G: "You're about to be headless boy you don't get out of my face!"

W: "Alright! Nobody scream! ...or touch my arms."

A: "I knew it. It's the devil!"
F: "Why's the devil sleepy?"

Blonde: "Whoa, whoa! Hey! Baby! You saved my life. Don't you want your reward? I can give you a nice reward."
Cn: "Uh... Yeah. Okay."
Blonde: "You got fifty bucks?"

G: "I say we cut his damn head off!"
W: "Thank you very much, Marie Antoinette."
G: "*What'd* you call me?"

C: "Hey! Hey! You two wanna pause the homo-erotic buddy cop session long enough to explain this?"

F: "Have you got any weed?"

W: "All right. I'm going to let you all in on something you may have trouble comprehending, I assure you that however..."
G: "Vampires are real."
W: "*I* was telling!"

W: "It's... a *demon*! Probably of the Karathmamanahyahh.... family. You see? Some of us have slightly broader experience."
G: "How do you kill it?"
W: "Well, I know this breed is nocturnal and feeds on roots, or possibly human effluvia and, ah.... It's a horned race...."
G: "So you know jack."
W: "They're nocturnal?"
G: "I'm gonna get me one of them axes."

G: "Hey, don't matter what it is: It looks wrong, it dies."

C: "Aren't you gonna go in there and stop them?"
A: "It's about time the English got what's coming to 'em. I'm rooting for the slave."

L: "I know I'm still unconscious during this part of the story, but: Can you believe these mooks?"

F: "Slayer? The band?"

G: "I think I'm here in a chop-that-green-bitch's-head-off capacity, and I don't give a damn about no test!"
F: "Are you always this grouchy?"
G: "Only when I wake up with a bunch of insane white folks trying to tell me what to do! The day I take orders from guys like you is the day I.... Not even gonna happen."

C: "Keep explaining why we're not walking out that door."
A: "Because they did something to us. They changed us."
C: "You mean this _is_ about my hair?"

F: "I sort of see his point. Not one of y'all looks exactly seventeen. It's like time's been pushed forward, like we missed a bunch of years."

C: "Kinda _have_ filled out even more."
F: "And I... apparently ain't gonna."

C: "This is so unfair! I'm a craggy twenty-something? What about *Prom*?"

F: "So you think if we kill this vampire they'll take off this spell whammy and we can go back to being ourselves?"
C: "And never see each other again?"
W: "I believe that we can all just go about our business."
C: "And never see each other again?"

F: "I'm ready. I'm okay. Would be cooler if we could score some weed though."

A: "How did you...? You stopped the tiny men from singing!"
C: "You really are far from home, aren't you?"

A: "I'm invisible!"
C: "No, you're not."
A: "Oh... excuse me."

A: "I'm a vampire. They're gonna kill me!"

L: "Well, those were some exciting products. Am I right? Let's all think about buying some of those."

F: "I just don't think we should be ruling out the idea of aliens. I mean, he's a greenish sort of fella, and us being asleep all that time... I mean, think about it a minute. They could have been doing heaven knows what! I can just see myself, lying on a table, no clothes, no will, while they probed and explored and did whatever they wanted to my naked helpless body."

W: "Well. Let's not give up probe. _Hope_. Give up hope. We not."

A: "I agree. There is nothing here. This place is evil. I think that I should leave now, 'cause of evil."

G: "So, we're all locked in, huh?"

C: "Excuse me? Did I just get the brush off? Did a guy just bail on *me*?! There really is some sort of horrible spell."

F: "Do you think Liam's okay out there?"
G: "If something's eating him at least he's not as bored as me."

W: "I was getting to the good part!"

A: "See? The English _is_ stupid. Let's have a different theory."

W: "The cross obviously doesn't affect me, or our friend the pugilist."
G: "Your ass better *pray* I don't look that word up!"

L: "Oh. Guys. Hey. That was quite a whammy. A little trip through the transitive nightfall of diamonds, if you know what I mean. And I certainly don't..."
A: "It speaks madness."

L: "Hey! Here's a funny sidebar: I'm tied to a chair. Again! What the hell's going on?!"

A: "Well, I never touched her!"
C: "So clearly: Deviant!"

W: "Sorry! ...I mean: *Ha*!"

A: "You want a vampire then? Guess I'm your man! I guess I'll start... feeding on your corpses! Starting with the girls. So, who's gonna be the first course? Hard to chose between you two girls."
C: "What do you mean it's hard? ...I mean... *She's* the tasty one! Look at her, half of her is neck!"


C: "Well, I got a superpower of my own, hotshot."
A: "What's that then?"
[Cordelia screams until she runs out of breath]
A: "That really *is* inhuman."

W: "Yes, that one! Kill that one, please!"

C: "You're a wee bit chess club for my, ah, usual beat. But you killed that freak and you're getting a *big* reward."
Cn: "You mean it?"
C: "Whoo doggy!"

A: "I'm supposed to be evil. But they attack me without cause. They gang up on me because I'm different. They're as bad as my father."
Cn: "Fathers. Don't they suck?"

Cn: "Sounds kind of like my father."
A: "Is he a self-righteous bastard?"
Cn: "You'd be amazed."

F: "Huwwy up. I'm newvous."

A: "I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be attacked. I didn't ask to be a freak. Hell, I didn't even ask to be born."

L: "So all's well that ends well, right, kiddies? ...But since nothing ended all that well, I guess I gotta say, well... nothing was well."

L: "I hope that you all enjoyed my little tale so much that you tip your waitresses with obnoxious abandon."

L: "I've got a Seabreeze that gonna up and leave with someone else if I don't get to her soon. So, you kids be good and go home. Hug your families while you can. And stay away from the magic. Trust me."

A: "You remember."
C: "I remember all of it."

A: "Cordelia?"
A: "Were we in love?"
C: "We were."