Fred: Oh... happy day.

Demon: (holding up a human hand) Finger food?

Cat lady: I have 36 cats and I just changed all their names to Jasmine.

Librarian: The CIA are still in my head. It just doesn't bother me anymore. I just beam Jasmine's love up to their satallites.
Fred: That'll teach them.

Conner: You ruin everything!

Little Kid: I love Jasmine because she makes food taste good.

Lorne: I was right where you were before the great J. walked into my life and crawled up my ass. (he gets a weird look) It's where my heart is!

Wesley: I'll get him. I've kidnapped him before

Fred: You live here?
Demon: Do you live in a dirt hole?
Fred: No
Demon: Do you WANT to live in a dirt hole?
Fred: No
Demon: Then why the hell do you think I live in a dirt hole?

Ted: [After he set fire to his store] Do you want me to stay here?

Connor: What happened to those people?
Jasmine: I ate them.
Connor: Cool.

Fred: I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
Jasmine: It's okay, I forgive...
Fred: I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to Angel

Lorne: And tonight playing the role of Judas Iscariot - Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan.

Connor: I'll kill you!
Angel: It'll pass.
Lorne: Yeah, right, 'cause Lord knows he's never tried that before.

Deaf woman: (signing) I wish I could be in Fred's skull so I could explode her brain and kill her for rejecting Jasmine.

Connor: Why would anybody reject love?
Gunn: (glaring at Fred) Maybe 'cause she has a history of doin' that?

Ted: Wow. People used to think that I was paranoid. I mean don't get me wrong I still got the implants in my head. The CIA is still listening in, it just doesn't bother me anymore. Instead, I-I beam Jasmine's love up to their satellite, you know, share the love with those M.K - Ultra bastards.
Fred: That'll teach 'em.

Lorne: I thought Our Lady of the Perpetual Seabreeze was the real deal 'till the divine Ms. J. walked right through that door and into my ass...which is where my heart is physiologically. (guy stares) I can show you an x-ray.

Ted: Not a huge demand for serial killer autopsies when you're living in a Utopian wonderland. You know what I mean?

Lorne: I can't believe little ole Fred managed to sway Angel back to the dark side.
Gunn: Evil, not evil, evil again - I wish he'd make up his mind.