AtS Quotes

(“*Angel” is puppet Angel)

Angel: She asked me to breakfast.
Wes: Breakfast? Right. How did you respond?
Angel: Well, of course I. . . ignored it completely, changed the subject, and locked her in a cage.
Wes: Sorry, what?
Angel: Wes it wasn’t just breakfast, you know, it was, ah, ‘breakfast.’ Here we had this very good, very platonic thing going on. And then all of a sudden, out of the blue--
Wes: Are you blind? Angel there are things called ‘signals.’ Odorless, yes. Invisible, certainly. But unmistakable. Like the ones she’s been casting your way for months.
Angel: No, I would have noticed--
Wes: This isn’t just from me. This comes from people who know. This comes from the ladies.
Angel: The ladies.
Wes: Fred, Harmony, the girls in transcription. As Harmony put it, ‘Why else would a chick who’s coming to spend three nights in a jail cell dress like it’s her first date?’
Angel: Oh, God. The ladies are right. Nina’s down there right now, turning into a werewolf and liking me. I don’t. . . Can’t. . . I have no time for that kind of. . . I have no right. I mean, we all know what happens if. . . if--
Wes: If what? If you achieve a moment of perfect happiness?
Angel: I turn back into Angelus and we don’t want that.

Angel: I’m the guy in the dark corner with a blood habit and two hundred years of psychic garbage.
Wes: Get over it!

Lorne: All the signals are there, jeffe. Loud and clear. Nina definitely wants a piece of Angel-cake.
Angel: Lorne? Can we get back to the job?
Lorne: Your wish, dreamboat, my command.

Fred: Angel? You alright?
Gunn: You sounded weird on the phone.
Wes: Yes, is there a problem?
*Angel: Oh, there’s a problem.
Gunn: Whoa.
Wes: Angel? Is that. . . you?
Fred: Oh my God! Angel you’re. . . cute!
*Angel: Fred, don’t.
Fred: But the little hands. And the hair.
*Angel: Hey! You’re fired.
Lorne: Sorry I am late gang but what’s with the big. . . puppet?

Wes: Clearly some sort of hex, or, ah, powerful warding magic.
Lorne: Maybe you have some sort of puppet cancer.
*Angel: I do not have puppet cancer! Come on guys, this is a serious situation. I am a puppet and there are children’s lives at--Hey! It’s Smile Time!

*Angel: Wes! put the Special Ops team on red alert.
Wes: Red alert?
*Angel: I want helicopters and tear gas.
Gunn: Angel--
*Angel: This is war!
Lorne: Angel, baby, muppet, pumpkin. This show is number one in its time slot. Tykes love it all across the southland. We can’t just toss a jihad at the studio.

Spike: Hey, big guy. Need another car. ‘Fraid this last one ended up in the drink.
*Angel: Spike!
Spike: Look at you.
*Angel: Just turn around and walk away.
Spike: You’re a--
*Angel: Spike!!
Spike: You’re a bloody puppet!! Ha, ha, ha, ha! You’re a wee little puppet man! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! [*Angel hits Spike.] Ow! Hey! That’s enough. Angel, what the hell happened to you? You look ridiculous.
*Angel: Get out of here, Spike.
Harmony: Oh, my God, Angel, you’re a--
*Angel: Shut up! . . . . What are you people looking at? . . . . Well?
Spike: They’re looking at the wee little puppet man.

Angel: Yes, I’m a puppet. It doesn’t mean you don’t have work to do.

Gunn: Mr. Frampkin we’ve been tracking an epidemic that’s affecting a great many--
Frampkin: Cocoa?
Gunn: What?
Frampkin: I could have some cocoa brought in. Extra yummy. With those itty-bitty marshmallows.
Lorne: Oooh! Those are good.

Frampkin: You’ve made quite an impression in our little industry. So much accomplishment, despite your unfortunate deformities.
Lorne: Deforma-what?

Gunn: You turned my boss into a fricken puppet!

Frampkin: And if your intent is to pressure me, extort money, do any of the things your firm is famous for, I’m afraid you’re in for a fight.
Lorne: Well a fight suits us just fine, Papa Smurf.

Polo (boy puppet): Which one of you short-bus bastards turned the CEO of Wolfram & Hart into a puppet?
Rufus (the dog): Well, uh
Ratio (big purple thing): Beep!
Polo: What do you mean it wasn’t us?
Ratio: Beep! Beep! Beep!
Rufus: Ratio’s right, man. This Angel cat musta been the dude that broke into the don’t room last night.
Ratio: Beep!
Rufus: That’s what I’ve been sayin’. He messed with the nasty.
Polo: Stupid jackass. Might as well walk into a nuclear reactor and lick the core. I mean anything could have happened to him, to us, to . . . You just *don’t* mess around with the nest egg!

Polo: Screw edutainment! The life-force we’re pulling out of these snot-nosed kids is 100% pure innocence, dickwad! Do you have any idea the street value that carries down in hell?!?
Ratio: Beep!

*Angel: I was turned into a puppet last night.
Nina: I. . . ah. . . Wow. Are you, are you ok?
*Angel: I’m made of felt. And my nose comes off.

*Angel: Ah. Ah. . . Ah. Lorne!
Lorne: My little prince!
*Angel: Ah, ah!
Lorne: What did they do to you?
*Angel: Nina. . . tried to. . . eat me.
Lorne: Medic! You’re going to make it Angel, just don’t stop fighting. Doctor! Is there a Gepetto in the house?!?

Doctor: No offense, counselor, but your insurance plan wouldn’t cover what I charge to wash my hands. You were given that upgrade because the Senior Partners *wanted* you to have it. And if you’re losing it, well, they wanted that, too.
Gunn: Why would they do that?
Doctor: You never know with them.

Fred: It’s a hidden carrier wave masked by a spell that turns the TV into a two-way conduit with direct access to the viewer.
Wes: That’s how he’s been draining energy from the children *and* judging from the strength of yesterday’s signal --
Fred: Frampkin’s ready to take out the whole audience.
Wes: The object you described in that secret room is most likely a repository for the children’s life force. We’ll have to break the binding magic on it.
Fred: Which should free those children and reverse your puppet problem.
*Angel: Ah! [hugs Fred’s waist.] I love you guys!

Gunn: Pretty tricky legalese, too. Frampkin must have missed some of the fine print.
*Angel: Which allowed them to take over everything.
Gunn: Including Frampkin. These particular devils have a pretty distinctive M.O.
Fred: They’ve done this before?
Gunn: You seen the last few seasons of “Happy Days?”

Polo: I’m gonna tear you a new puppet-hole, bitch!

Polo: So, you gotta little demon in you.
*Angel: I got a lotta demon in me.

Fred: I just got off the phone with the hospital. Looks like the kids are coming out of their stasis.
Wes: Oh, good. I think we did some excellent work back there.
Fred: I think you’re right.
Wes: And now. . .
Fred: And now. . .
Wes: We better get some rest. No telling when the next crisis will strike.
Fred: You’re just going to go, aren’t you?
Wes: Fred?
Fred: Haven’t you been. . . sensing anything lately . . . . about me, coming from me? Didn’t occur to you that something might have changed? That I’m looking at you in a different. . . . I. . . Oh, screw it. [Fred kisses Wes!]
Wes: Um.
Fred: That was a signal. Ok? Is that clear enough for you?
Wes: Not even close. [Fred and Wes kiss some more!]