B: Okay, count of three. One... //Faith attacks// Three.

F: Nicely diverted, B.
B: Diverted? That was me fighting for my life, Miss Attention Span.
F: This isn't a Tupperware party. It's a little hard to plan.
B: The count of three isn't a plan. It's Sesame Street.

M: Where is the owner of these fine implements?
MT: The common term is "slain."

M: Who knows, with any luck, they'll kill each other. Then everyone's winner. Everyone, of course, meaning me.

X: Is anyone else intimidated? Because I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words "no way" written in crayon.
O: They're typing those now.
W: I'm so overwhelmed. I got in! To actual colleges! And they're wooing me. They're pitching woo.
B: The wooing stage is always fun.

W: Rejection I can handle 'cause of the years of training, but this...
X: I feel your pain, Will. Like right now, I'm torn between the fast-growing of appliance repair and motel management. Of course, I'm still waiting to hear back from the corndog emporium, so...

O: Well, if I may suggest... graduate. Getting left back, it's not the ride you'd expect.

C: That's so cute. Planning life as a loser? Most people just turn out way, but you're really taking charge.
X: The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone. Who, incidentally, won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own very successful line of hooker wear.
C: Well, Xander, I could dress more like you, but, oh, my father has a job.
X: I'm not gonna waste the perfect come-back on you now. But don't think I don't have it. Oh, yes, its time will come!

W: Chemistry's easy. It's a lot like witchcraft, only less newt.

WP: I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course.
G: No danger of finding those here.
WP: Vampires?
G: Controlled circumstances.

B: Is he evil?
WP: Evil?
B: The last one was evil.

B: Is he evil?
G: Not in the strictest sense of the...

WP: Why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol.
B: Vampires.
WP: Yes?
B: Killed 'em.

WP: Swords... one long, one short?
B: Mmm. Both pointy.

WP: I didn't get this job because of my looks.
B: I really, really believe that.

WP: Buffy, you will go to the Gleave's family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet.
B: I will?
WP: Are you not used to being given orders?
B: Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says "please." And afterwards I get a cookie.

F: New Watcher?
B & G: New Watcher.
F: Screw that.
B: Now, why didn't I just say that?

B: Look, I know this new guy's a dork, but... Well, I have nothing to follow that. He's pretty much just a dork.

F: We're Slayers, girlfriend. The Chosen two. Why should we let him all the fun out of it?
B: Oh, that would be tragic. Taking the fun out of slaying, stabbing, beheading.

F: Tell me that if you don't get in a good slaying, after a while, you just start itching for some vamp to show up so you can give him a good -- //grunt//.
B: Again with the grunting.

B: What about the assignment?
F: Tell you what, you do the homework, and I'll copy yours.

B: Wait. Stop! Think.
F: No. No. No.

WP: These are all the diaries then, yours included?
G: That's everything. Knock yourself out. Please?

B: I hate it when they drown me.

WP: Remember the three key words for any Slayer: Preparation... preparation... preparation.
B: That's one word three times.

B: I have a chem test. So sad that I'm actually happy about that.

WP: You're not helping.
G: No. I feel just sick about it.

WP: There you are.
B: Ah. Speak of the really annoying person.

B: Okay, we got ten, maybe twelve bad guys, and one big demon in desperate need of a stairmaster.

F: When are you going to get this, B? Life for a Slayer is very simple -- want... take... have.
B: Want... take... have. I'm gettin' it.

J: They only don't have calories if I make them for you. Mom logic.

MT: Why do they always gotta be using swords? It's called a Uzi, ya chump. Could have saved your ass right about now.

W: Give me time, and I may be the first Wiccan to do all my conjuring in pine-fresh scent.

WP: I didn't say you had emotional problems, I said you had an emotional problem. It's quite different.

G: If you want to criticize my methods, fine. But you can keep your snide remarks to yourself. And while you're at it, don't criticize my methods.

WP: It's simply time for somebody else to take the field.
G: Now's a good time to start.

WP: Stay calm, Mr. Giles. We have to stay calm.
G: Well, thank god you're here. I was planning to panic.

WP: What is that thing?
G: That would be your demon. You know, the dead one?
WP: There's no need to get snippy.

Balthazar: You know what I want.
G: If it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach areas, I'd like to request you kill me now.
Vamp: //snarl// //strikes Giles//
G: Ow.

WP: Are you out of your mind? This is hardly the time for games.
G: Why not? They're going to torture us to death anyway.
Balthazar: You're not wrong about that.

Balthazar: A trade. Intriguing. No. Wait. Boring. Pull off his kneecaps!

WP: I can tell you everything.
G: Be quiet, you twerp! They'll kill us both.
WP: But I like to have my kneecaps.

G: Look, tell you what. Let Captain Courageous here go, and I'll tell you what you need to know. How's that deal?
Balthazar: There is one deal! You will die quickly, or you will die slowly.

Balthazar: What is the name of the man who has my amulet?
A: His name is Angel.

M: Gosh, but I'm feeling chipper! Who's for a root-beer?

Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers