- Fat Tuffy, Femme Fatales, and Jojo is what now?
by Sprook -7.15.04

My Disclaimer: The Hellmouth Central Posting Board is just one of the unique features of the HMC site. . .and to some it’s the most visited portion. At least for a good laugh, and a friendly chat. The board is home to a mixture of people of all ages, classes, and backgrounds. Something unique with just enough chemistry to work. While to many a message board is a place to brainstorm ideas on various topics, discuss, fight, and on an occasion make friends, HMC goes deeper. There are friendships that go beyond an occasional “hell0-goodbye.” When one person is experiencing something awful and painful everyone is feeling it, because they’re that close. And when one person is being attacked, everyone is being attacked. HMC isn’t a place of villainous posters who attack and belittle each other, but a network of individuals who like to call themselves a family. A crazy one at least. And beyond these bonds of friendships, relationships have come into play, and marriages as well. Who would’ve thought such a thing would happen on a board about the Jossverse?

So please keep in mind when you read this article I’m not making fun of anyone, I’m only adding humor to the craziness that is my family. Now on with the asinine remarks. . .

When one skims through the board topics they fall over many different subjects, of course the ever so popular Buffy and ME related posts, but have you ever actually looked past those and checked into the weirder, more. . .”unique” posts? Well here’s this month’s most recent and clearly the most interesting board topics being discussed here at HMC.

(1) Fat Tuffy Shippers News: Now you just might ask yourself what in tar-nation is a Fat Tuffy Shipper? Well I myself was confused at first too folks! For I thought it was code for a Fox’s new Reality TV-based show centered around the over-weight taffy eating obsessed women of Middle America and East Berlin. But much to my surprise it seems that while “Buffy Shippers” are popular on the board, FT Shippers are just as large as any other. This ship is dedicated to the love of Fat Tony and Buffy. However, this month Tony was just let out of his two week “visit” at the White Room Inn, apparently he had taken his “ship” too seriously and ended up stalking SMG and beating Freddy with a rubber chicken. It’s a real shame to see such a nice guy go bad. Luckily with the support of his fellow hellhounds he is expected to make a full recovery. Freddy however will never be able to act again. We’re holding a party in Tony’s honor for this great accomplishment next Tuesday, make sure you’re there!

(2) Femme Fatales News: Another interesting topic thread to check out. It would appear HMC is home to a Film God, known as Wretch and his Film Spawn, Vibes the Great. These two beefcakes have their every needs fulfilled by the wonderful and sexy Femme’s. If they need their *ahem* spirits lifted, it’s done. Nothing is too small, well minus the banana, that they won’t “do.” However this month there has been some interesting developments. It would appear that Vibes has taken a mini break from his lovely ladies to pursue his love *glow* and work on the up coming Spoodgapalooza ‘04 Tour, as well as promoting his line of VibeKONGrators. And while HMC’s Father Flogagain has been hospitalized for zapping his burrito in the micro (poor bastard’s pace maker couldn’t handle it, sad really) Myth has taken over the confessional for the rest of the hellhounds. And Kirsten has been cornering Wretch all for herself, causing a bit of jealousy among the other Femme’s. The only thing Kirsten doesn’t know is Sprook has caught it all on film, and E-mom put itching powder in Kirsten’s undergarments drawer. I can only imagine what will unfold in the next month. This is one itch that will be scratched, repeatedly.

(3) JoJo’s Secret Confession: This is more of a breaking news story, and I will keep you updated as information comes in. . .While many normal and frequent HMC posters know, JoJo is the resident Angel/Buffy shipper. She has a way with words and stands her ground without pushing it, it’s earned her much respect and a few minor hair pulling incidents. But it would appear that she has been hiding her secret passion for. . .SPANGLE! That’s right folks, sweet innocent lil Jo has been a horn dog and stealing Sab’s issues of PlayDemon’s Spangle Love Issues I, II, III, and X. While Sab has no problem sharing his stash of mags, Jo has become very obsessive and can’t put them down or give them back. Sab has asked that all of you who care for JoJo, please talk to her, and stop this madness. It’s not like Jo to not defend Bangle. Jo, if you read this, please. . .for the love of god, and for baby Jesus, please, please, stop ogling at naked Spike and Angel in baby oil. . .or at least share with the rest of us! *ahem*

Well folks that’s all I have for the juicy HMC gossip. Remember what you may say might come back to haunt you later here, and I say that with love