Far Away and Not Far Enough by Angel Jade

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the show and I make no money from this harmless bit of fun. Lyrics belong to U2 `With or without you.'
Distribution: Forever Faith: /mysticmuse.net/faith
The Mystic Muse: /mysticmuse.net
If you've had my permission before, you have it now. Anyone else, ask first please.
Spoilers: Season four BtVS
Feedback: Yes, please.
Pairing: Faith/Tara

Summary: Tara's left Sunnydale behind with someone who's been running all her life. Things just aren't what they could have been.

Curled up on the window seat, looking out as snow began to fall softly on the damp pavement outside their motel room, Tara watched with great sadness as the snowflakes melted into the cold water below. She'd watched the sun shine brighter than it had for her in a long time…watched as clouds began to cover the sky like poison until the rain burst from it's confines and began to soak the ground. She watched as the rain phased out and what seemed like moments later, snow take its place.

She'd watched all that, no words said, no movements made. Her stomach growled unheard, and she stared on, no interest in anything but waiting for Faith to return home.

Her mind wondered as it usually did when she was forced to be alone like this. If she wasn't careful, sometimes it wondered to far. It seemed to want to go back to Sunnydale, but of course, allowing one's mind to cross state borders alone is never a safe thing to do. Tara liked to take Faith's advice. Never look back. And never go back. She knew she could never and a part of her didn't want to. But it didn't mean she could stop thinking about it. If Faith ever knew about the thoughts she had…

But of course, there were some things Tara kept from Faith. She'd given the slayer everything, but she'd never let her have her memories (and hopes) of the past. She hid them deep down in one of those hand crafted antique boxes with a little key that only she knew the whereabouts of. Some secrets were more trouble than they were worth.

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you

She watched a lanky man in his late thirties crossing the empty car park with a thin jacket on, trying hard to stay warm when the weather was growing worse every minute. She let her eyes follow him as he moved carefully across the now glazed surface…watched emotionlessly as he slipped and landed on his back. She didn't feel the slightest sympathy or humor. But she had the decency to stop watching him. Decided to focus on the small road leading to the entrance to the motel grounds. Faith'd be back soon. She never stayed away long.

It was odd not having Faith near her during the daylight. Nighttime was different. There were slaying duties that even Faith couldn't run from to attend to. So Tara enjoyed her nights, because she expected them. Knew them and understood them. Days were always so unpredictable. Like the weather.

Tara tried to remember what state they were in. It was never easy to remember the names when there was a new home every few weeks. She was almost certain it was one of the M's. Minnesota, Michigan, Missouri…not Missouri. Too cold. Michigan. Must have been, because Tara remembered a conversation with Faith well. The slayer had decided on impulse to make her way up to Michigan after hearing news of a lake demon. One thing Faith liked was variety. And you really couldn't find a decent lake demon in New Mexico. So here they were.

Tara felt as if she'd seen every inch of America and not once had she been impressed or excited about any of it. To her, the only place that mattered was a small town in California. But that was the one place she could never return to.

"Willow." Soft spoken to the extent that she could barely hear it herself. And she still felt guilty for allowing herself to speak *that* name. Almost afraid, she turned; just to be sure she was alone. She wasn't supposed to stay in one place anymore. Not just physically. She had to keep her thoughts away from Sunnydale and her friends and most of all, the redhead whose name should never be spoken.

She barely knew the others. Afraid of them and getting close when her `big' family secret could have gotten out. And of course they were only *her* friends. She was never theirs. How could they like the ugly shy girl could who never get a sentence out? She was boring and plain and standing in a room of people who just *glowed* was something she was just not used to. But she loved it anyway. People who shone like they did, were magnetic. She may not have been able to make people laugh, make them feel safe, make them happy even…but they had done something to her. In the little time she'd had with them.

Faith told her that she'd never have fitted in. And Tara knows she's right. The only person who ever really saw her was Willow. And now Faith. Faith said they were alike in a way, but Tara doubted it. The only thing they had in common was the need for company.

And Tara hadn't even needed that until she'd met Willow. She wonders if Faith had her own Willow way back in her past. Sees it in Faith's eyes that she's lost someone she dared to love, but of course, asking would be a very bad thing.

Faith didn't like questions. She didn't have a past and that was how she liked it. Nothing to tell. Not even a real last name.

Tara wished she could simply disappear like that. New name, new attitude and a cold hard shell…she could be Faith. Doesn't want to though, because she rather likes being *with* Faith and she doubted Faith would ever want to be with someone who could match her attitude and sarcasm.

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you

The loud bang of the door hitting the dresser made Tara jump and her eyes shot to the door, a flood of relief as she realized it was only Faith.

It didn't bother Tara, because she herself rarely spoke. She simply smiled at Faith and moved from the place she'd been sitting all day, waiting for the dark slayer to return.

"You hungry?" Faith asked, shooting Tara a glance as she dumped her bag across the room.

"I…I guess." Tara said, softly, walking over and standing behind Faith, her arms wrapping round the other girl's waist. "I missed you."

Faith turned herself round and looked into Tara's eyes, her hands holding the blonde girl's cheeks gently. "Yeah? You been thinking about me?"

A mischievous gleam caught in Faith's eyes and her hands dropped. "I bet you have…" Her fingers began to fiddle on the waistband of Tara's worn jeans, quickly pushing them down, out of her way. She then worked on her own pants, pulling them down carefully and kicking them over to the door. Her hands immediately flew up to Tara's sweater, dipping underneath as they traveled towards her breasts. "Been thinking about this?"

Tara nodded, closing her eyes and moaning quietly as Faith rubbed her cold thumbs over Tara's nipples, pressing against them as she leaned in for a kiss.

"Dinner can wait." Faith whispered, spinning Tara round and pushing her onto the bed, carelessly.

Tara discarded her top awkwardly, while Faith climbed onto the foot of the bed, crawling up until she straddled the other girl's legs.

"Tell me what you were thinkin'." Faith grinned as her hands slowly pulled Tara's panties from around her hips.

Tara immediately went red. "N…no, I didn't mean that…I just…I meant you. Just you."

"Good to know." Faith whispered as she began to slide up Tara's body until her face hung over Tara's, their lips only inches away. "Do you want me, Tara?"

I can't live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

Faith began to kiss Tara's neck, nibbling every so often, just hard enough to make the blonde girl below her whimper. Her hands slid up the pale arms pushing them up until they were pressed into the mattress, high above Tara's head. Faith let them go, knowing Tara wouldn't move them until told to. Her lips moved between the two breasts, kissing and biting softly until they reached an erect nipple, hard with both lust and cold weather. Faith teased it between her lips, every so often biting it to make Tara cry out with the pain and pleasure combined. She loved to hear her baby sing.

Tara's body moved beneath her, desperate for more release than Faith would allow her, but trying unconsciously to receive it anyway. Her moans grew louder as Faith mouth left her nipple to travel further down her body, cold hands warming themselves over Tara's heated skin as they moved down with her.

Tara simply moaned in reply, too caught up in her own sexual need to get words out.

Faith reached out with her finger, teasing the clitoris by brushing over it with no real pressure. Tara tried to ease further down the bed, hoping to find more stimulation. But Faith wasn't about to let Tara end it so quickly. She held Tara down as her tongue replaced her finger, touching the clit so softly that Tara had to clutch the covers to prevent herself from screaming for more.

The torture continued until Tara begged Faith to touch her harder. Faith was only gentle when she wanted to make her victim suffer a little. And Tara would have preferred the rough sex they usually engaged in to drawn out sexual frustration.

"Please…" Tara whimpered, her arms moving down from their position to reach out at Faith.

Faith began to tutt, taking the wrists and holding them back down. "Naughty girl, didn't say you could move."

Tara nodded, her body trembling with need as she struggled to retain her silence.

"Then you play it my way." Faith said, half crawling off the bed to retrieve a scarf that had been thrown on the floor along with a lot of other clothes Faith didn't bother putting away.

Tara begged Faith with her eyes but said nothing as the slayer tied her wrists to the bedpost, smirking down at her the whole time. "Be good and I'll make you come."

Tara groaned in reply as Faith's fingers found their way to exposed nipples and pinched them roughly.

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

Faith crawled further up the bed, past Tara's sore breasts until she kneeled, just before her face. Her eyes locked on Tara's, never moving as she pulled her skintight top over her head, exposing her breasts. "Like what you see?"

Faith grabbed Tara's chin and held it as she leaned down to invade Tara's mouth with her own. As she pulled away, Tara looked up at expectantly.

Moving into position, Faith groaned as she felt Tara's mouth pressing at her cunt, pushing past the lips until her hot tongue began to toy with Faith's clit. She rode Tara's face, rolling her own nipples between her fingers as she went, caressing herself as Tara brought her to climax.

She grabbed the headboard, arching her back as the orgasm hit, shaking through her body until she could barely breathe. Rolling off Tara, Faith lay beside her, her chest heaving, as Tara lay unsated.

Minutes passed until Faith sat up and straddled Tara's legs, her hands massaging her thighs with a smile on her face. "You've earned a reward."

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

Tara just breathed quietly, as Faith's fingers slipped inside her cunt, moving in and out. Faith's thumb rubbed against the clit to the same rhythm until even Tara's hips had the same movement.

Faith watched, her face locked in that cocky smirk as Tara shuddered under her touch. Breaking away, she began to dress, her stomach growling. Just as she was ready to leave, she reached over and pulled the scarf loose, leaving Tara to sort herself out as she went in search of food.

Tara pulled herself into a ball and rested her forehead on her knees. She always felt so disgusting after. She wanted Faith. And Faith wanted her. The sex was always incredible.

But Faith was right. No turning back. As if she could. After what she'd done, after who she'd done. Tara was as lost as Faith now.

"I'm sorry."
"If you like her that much, leave. `Cause we're over."
"Willow…no…"
"You and Faith deserve each other."

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Far Away and Not Far Enough

by Angel Jade

Copyright © 2003

angel-jade@buffyrocks.co.uk