Rooftop Confessions by Faith Ishida

Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own the show, Joss Whedon does. I do however own the role-play this fic goes with and the ideas that appear on it.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse /mysticmuse.net
Feedback: Always.
Spoilers: Season 7.
Author's Note: Yes, Cedric is Coll's Watcher for Kennedy, which I have permission to use on the role-play, and he is therefore mentioned in the story. And as for this story, the idea was my friend Bri's, the conversation in which this story evolved from was her idea, I just wrote it out.
Pairing: Willow/Kennedy

Buffy made her way slowly up the spiraling steps to the roof. The sun was setting, and instead of being freakishly hot like it had been the last few days, a cool and soft breeze had settled in. It was comforting, and she figured a little alone time would do some good. Upon opening the door, however, that feeling evaporated immediately and her heart seemed to stick in her throat. "Will?" she finally choked out, pretty sure she had a good impression of a deer in the headlights going on.

Willow, who was perched on the ledge of the six story building, glanced behind her at Buffy, a tiny, however small smile tugging at the corner of her lips a bit. "Don't worry... not gonna do anything stupid... just thinking." She looked back out across the city again, pausing for a moment. Buffy too was silent, waiting for Willow to speak. This was the first time she had seen the witch out of her room since Kennedy's death, let alone heard her speak. Finally, Willow began to talk again.

"You know from the first moment I met Xander in kindergarten I felt like I had found a kindred spirit. When we got together with you and Giles in high school, I felt like I found my calling, my purpose- to help in the fight against evil. The first time I kissed Oz I felt like I 'd found what happiness truly meant and when I met Tara I felt like I'd finally found my heart. Loosing her felt like someone had reached into my body and ripped a vital piece, like they'd taken the real Willow out of me and I never thought a person was supposed to feel that way." She paused, then continued. "And then when I kissed her for the first time, it was like the past twenty-one years happened all over again. I felt like I'd found the missing part of my heart that loosing Tara had taken, but most of all I was happy." Again Willow paused, this time looking back at Buffy. "I'm not sure if I can ever find that happiness, that purpose again, and without her I'm not sure I really want to..."

"She loved you very much. She still does... She never had to say anything, you could just tell by the way she looked at you... You were everything to her," Buffy said quietly, crossing her arms against the cool breeze but never looking away from Willow. First impressions upon coming up here and seeing her best friend sitting on the ledge had disappeared- Willow wasn't going to kill herself, though it was the one thing that had worried Buffy most over the passed eight days.

Willow took in a shaky breath, her voice sounding a little more heavy, like she was fighting to keep control, and her eyes were shining with tears by now. "We spent the night up here a few weeks ago, and not in a 'you-don't-want-to-know-about-it' kind of way. We just spent the night in each others arms, watching the stars." She smiled a bit through her tears. "I told her I once did that with Tara and she smiled this, indescribable smile." Willow looked over at the sunset while ignoring the few tears that had strayed down her cheek. "We stayed up all night watching the stars and talking; talking about everything we've been through. From every dramatic event to the most mundane ones that made us laugh. She told me about growing up in the mansion in Boston where her mother and father fought all the time right up until her mother's death; her brother's troubles after that, her father's quick remarriage to her less-than-friendly stepmother, to her Watcher showing up and whisking her away to be trained in England. Even her brief visit home one month during a summer only for her brother to find her in bed with a girl... The horrific death of her Watcher and attack by the Bringers, and then her finding solace in the last place she would have expected it- me."

Even Buffy was holding back a few tears now. As relieved as she was that Willow was finally talking, it broke her heart as she heard the pain in her friend's voice. She didn't say anything, not wanting to interrupt Willow, and let her get out what she needed, as much as it pained them both.

"I told her about our little adventures during high school. I told her about my slightly unrequited schoolgirl crush on Xander-" she grinned a bit despite herself; "-my first real boyfriend, Oz, and about Tara..." Willow trailed off again for a moment, but quickly picked it back up. "I told her... a lot of things about us, what it was like to love and lose her... She didn't mind, or act like it was insulting to mention my previous lover. She listened. And she didn't make any Kennedy-comments either, like 'Oh, it turned out great for me at least'... She was understanding a-and sweet a-and God Buffy... I loved her, so much..." Willow finally broke down, tears streaming down her face.

Buffy was there in an instant, holding Willow close as she cried, her own tears filing into the mix. "It'll be okay..." But she regretted saying the words as she did; saying 'It'll be okay' was just some lame way of trying to comfort someone. "I don't know how, or when, but I swear Willow, it'll get better..." She sort of knew in a small way how she felt, losing Angel (twice) and then Riley. But this wasn't the same, she knew it. Willow had lost the two people that had mattered to her most in a period of two years.

Willow gripped Buffy back desperately, still openly sobbing. "She said she'd never leave me..."

Buffy gently stroked Willow's hair, brushing it away from her face. "Oh Will..." she said quietly, her hold on Willow never loosening up.

"Okay, so we've got pillows, a giant sleeping bag for two, a few blankets, and food... Anything else we're missing?" Kennedy looked up from the pile of junk laying next to the said sleeping bag, blankets and other things, raising an eyebrow at Willow.

The witch scanned her own eyes over the pile, then shook her head, grinning broadly back at Kennedy. "Nope, I think we're good. But, of course, you could always wear that little night gown again, the one you used to seduce me with back in Sunnydale?" Willow cocked her own eyebrow back at her girlfriend, looking hopeful.

"And you could wear your birthday suit, but then we'd both be cold, so lets just stick to the normal pajamas," Kennedy grinned back, shaking her head. Making her way over to the exit door, leading back down into the building, Kennedy quickly opened the door, locked it, and closed it. No interruptions tonight. Hearing a satisfying click, she turned around and headed back over to the sleeping bag, crawling into it as Willow did.

The last week or so had been unbearably hot in Chicago, and with the current lack of air conditioning inside of the warehouse, the Slayers and company had all started to roast to death during workouts. But come Friday, the weather had miraculously cooled off after a little rain, and Kennedy had taken the opportunity to bribe Willow into camping out on the roof with her for the night. The red head had been a little hesitant, but her Slayer could be very, er... persuasive.

Once she fought her way inside of the sleeping bag, Kennedy snuggled up close to Willow, resting her head next to her girlfriend's. "This is nice..." she said quietly, looking up at the sky, which had cleared up. "No constant whining of how hot it is, no noise, no interruptions..."

"Need I remind you that you were the one who was complaining about the heat?" Willow said pointedly, giving Kennedy a tentative look.

"Okay, so I wasn't in the best of moods..." the Slayer shrugged, looking back over at Willow. "But hey, tonight's different. Tonight, all I've got to deal with is you."

Backtracking over her words, Kennedy shook her head quickly. "I mean, tonight it's you and me. Don't wanna go all dramatic on you or anything, but this is nice. Just the two of us. And cool air. Huge plus on the breathing scale."

"Yeah..." Willow agreed, in turn snuggling back into Kennedy. "This is nice... and you're all warm and squishy..."

"Hey!" Kennedy gave Willow a mock offended look. "The squishiness comes from the bruises Faith's inflicted on me while kicking my ass during training."

"Yeah, but it makes you all soft..." Willow laughed as that earned a playful smack from Kennedy, though with Slayer strength it stung a bit. "Okay, ow, note not to playfully insult you ever again..." she grumbled, rubbing her arm.

"Eek, sorry..." Kissing Willow apologetically on the cheek, Kennedy lightly rubbed the place she smacked the witch, then laid her head back down next to Willow's. Both remained silent for a moment, staring up at the sky while just relishing in the feeling of being near each other.

Willow's mind was elsewhere for a bit, and Kennedy could sense this. After a while she turned over on her side, reaching across Willow's stomach and taking her other hand, giving her a curious look. "Everything all right? You cold? Am I hogging the covers?" she grinned.

Willow briefly smiled back, never taking her eyes off of the sky. Again, after a moment of silence, she shook her head, finally breaking contact with the stars and looking over at Kennedy. "It's just... ah..." she dropped her eyes, but Kennedy lifted her chin back up to look at her.

"It's just what, Baby? C'mon, you can tell me..." As if to make her point, she planted a small kiss on her lover's lips.

Willow melted into the kiss, before lightly returning the pressure and pulling back. "I've uh, I've just... done this before. With Tara. The whole roofing-it thing." Again, the red head dropped her eyes away from Kennedy's. She couldn't help but feel guilty every time she mentioned Tara, like she was insulting Kennedy or something.

When her Slayer didn't say anything back right away, out of curiosity Willow forced her gaze back up and blinked a bit. Kennedy was smiling, grinning even, and giving Willow one of those intense stares that always made the red head's tongue get tied in knots. She reached up, brushing Willow's hair behind her ear, her eyes still sparkling.

Slightly unnerved, Willow came up with a shaky "W-why a-are you looking at me like that?"

"Because," Kennedy answered, running a hand lightly over Willow's cheek. "I hold Tara in high regards. I feel lucky to know that I can share the same thing with you."

Willow wasn't exactly sure how to take that, but she propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at Kennedy. She rested a hand on the Slayer's hip underneath the sleeping bag and furrowed her eyebrows a bit. "Kennedy... I don't want you to feel like you have to compete against what... what I had with Tara."

Kennedy, too, propped herself up. "No, no, that's not what I meant... And no, it doesn't feel like I'm competing. It... might have a little bit, before, I'll admit that. But..." She sighed, unsure of what to say now. Finally, she looked back at Willow. "Willow, you know I love you more than anything... Nothing that happened with Tara will ever change that. I know you love her, and you always will, and you should, and-"

Leaning forward, Willow captured Kennedy's lips, closing her eyes and kissing her deeply, effectively cutting off her sentence. They stayed lip locked for a bit, finally coming up for air a few minutes later.

"Wow... I should ramble more often..." Kennedy breathed, a silly grin coming across her face.

Willow grinned back, lying down again and pulling Kennedy with her, resting her lover's head on her own shoulder. "I didn't know when you were gonna stop, so I figured, hey, she likes smoochies..." Smiling again, the Wiccan kissed the top of her Slayer's head, breathing in her scent. "What you were saying... Really, Kenn, it means a lot to me. But, you know I love you too, and it didn't seem like you did, so... you do, right? I love you."

Wrapping an arm around Willow's stomach, Kennedy placed a few small kisses on her neck. "I do know. But I still love to hear it."

Staring up at the stars again for a while, Willow nudged Kennedy lightly. "C'mere, I wanna show you something..." When Kennedy rolled over onto her back, still snuggled right up to Willow, the witch pointed up. "I'm... not sure if it's exactly the same here, but... Tara, she always said that the real ones confused her, so she and I made up our own... this-" Willow pointed out the stars that made an ovalish circle. "It's a giant pineapple." Kennedy giggled a bit, and Willow grinned and continued. "And this one... moose getting a sponge bath, and there, short man looking uncomfortable... and there's a pile of crackers in there somewhere too..." Kennedy gave Willow a slightly amused look, and the witch shrugged. "It's... original."

"Here... let me try..." Kennedy started to search out in the sky when Willow suddenly tensed. "What's wrong?" Kennedy asked, worried she had done something.

"Nothing, um..." Willow turned the color of her hair, grinning sheepishly and giving Kennedy an innocent look. "Just... this is the part where an alien comes crashing down to earth in a giant flying meteor and starts to eat crazy people..."

Kennedy stared blankly at Willow for a moment. "Um... I'm choosing to go along like that actually made some form of sense."

Shaking her head, Willow turned over to face Kennedy, pulling the top blanket up a bit more. Kennedy too lay on her side, draping an arm over Willow's waist. "Just... long story. Had some pretty entertaining times in high school, and college. Well, entertaining, and sometimes scary... We faced like, six or seven apocalypses... Or, one less for me, since I was kinda... the cause..."

"Care to share some war stories?" Kennedy joked. "Only heard bits and pieces of your life before."

Willow rolled her eyes slightly, running through some of the odd occurrences in her head. "Well, a blow-by-blow could take a while..."

"Then just the juicy details. I wanna know more about the Willow before I came into your life."

"You know what I mean, Will," Kennedy said, poking Willow in the ribs jokingly. "I just... I'm curious, that's all. Besides, I've heard rumors..."

Willow looked a little panicked. "Rumors? W-what, rumors? Did Xander say something about a crayon, 'cause-"

"No, nothing involving a crayon that I can remember. Look, if you don't wanna share..."

"No no, that's not it..." Willow leaned back into Kennedy more as her Slayer spooned her from behind. "High school was just... interesting doesn't really describe it in enough detail, but I'll go with that. Hard to say whether I liked it or hated it... actually, between the getting picked on and having evil demons constantly wanting to eat my brains, topped off with a vampire me from another dimension coming here and making everyone think I was evil and into leather, I think I'm leaning more towards 'disliked'."

Kennedy shrugged, playing with a strand of red hair that fell down across Willow's shoulders. "Hey, right there with the hate. Didn't really finish. Cedric made me go up until around senior year. I didn't have the attention span, and... had some stuff going on where it made it even harder to concentrate... And wow, just got a really great mental image of you in tight leather..."

Making a sympathetic noise, Willow squeezed Kennedy's hand, also choosing to ignore the leather comment. "So, we're both there with the 'evil high school' thing. Still... I guess even though I didn't really love it, a lot of good things happened to me, things that make me me. And, okay, so some are a little strange, like extremely high mortality rates and such, and teachers being evil, and things constantly wanting to end the world. But, I met Buffy, got into the whole 'fighting evil' thing."

"That's a plus," Kennedy put in. "Wouldn't have met you otherwise. Or, become a Slayer. What about romantically? Were you school dating-queen or anything? I mean, you for sure had to have been one of the school hotties," she added flirtatiously.

That made Willow laugh. "No, that would have been Cordelia. I was more of the geeky, fuzzy-sweater type, bookworm and computer wiz, with really no friends except Xander and Buffy. A-and then Oz, the first- and only, mind you- guy I dated, who by the way was a werewolf. And guitarist. And then I had this little fling with Xander-"

"Really?" Kennedy scrunched up her brow. "You and Xander, huh? I mean, I knew you were Ms. Straight-O for a while there, but-"

"Not the point of the story," Willow grinned, rolling her eyes slightly. "I loved Oz, and he was my first, and... yeah. He was a big part of my life, and I've still heard from him a few times since then."

"What happened? I mean, you find out you swung left-handed and dump him or something?"

"No," Willow shook her head, absently playing with Kennedy's hand that was draped over her stomach. "He just... it was the wolf in him, he was terrified of hurting me, so he left me. A-and by the time he figured that all out, he came back and found me with Tara. That did not go over well..."

"Hmm..." Kennedy mumbled softly, intertwining her hand with Willow's. "Can't say that I'm overly disappointed about that. I mean, he sounds like a nice guy aside from the wolfyness, but had you never realized your... 'true calling'," Kennedy teased, "I wouldn't be here right now, with you. Chances are I'd have been killed back in Sunnydale."

Willow frowned, tilting her head a little to look at Kennedy. "Why would you say that?"

Shrugging, Kennedy stayed silent for a moment. "I don't know... I guess... being with you, knowing what happened before with... Tara, I didn't want to hurt you again. So I tried extra hard to not die, no matter how tempting it seemed sometimes. Before coming to Sunnydale, everything had been turned upside down with Cedric being killed, and Giles randomly showing up and taking me from London to California. I had the whole angry-at-the-world thing going on, didn't really care anymore." Kennedy paused for a moment, then leaned down and nuzzled Willow's ear, smiling. "Then I met you."

"Aww... you really are a big mush ball," Willow teased after a moment, grinning and laughing.

"Tell anyone and I'll be forced to kill you. Or, them, since I love you too much." Kennedy smirked, shaking her head. "Sorry for interrupting, I believe you were telling me a story."

Willow shrugged, remaining silent for a moment while she mulled over a few things in her head. Lately, she and Kennedy had been very careful about being honest and open with each other, and that had lead to their relationship going very smoothly. Of course, Kennedy was still a brat who pretty much always had to state her opinion, but that was one of the qualities Willow love-hated about her. Still, when it came to Tara, Willow wasn't exactly dodgey about the subject, but she avoided going into too much detail.

Then, whether she realized it or not, she began talking. "When she died, it felt like... why couldn't have it been me? If I had just kissed her, kept her away from the window, o-or if it had been me by the window, I could have taken the shot for her. Or maybe I would have seen Warren, or I should have sensed Warren in the backyard. No matter how I replayed it over in my head, I kept thinking it was my fault. I couldn't control my anger, not just at Warren, but at myself, and I went on a rampage... hurt my friends, my family. And I know I probably hurt Tara in the process too."

"In England, with Giles, I... I tried to kill myself. The weight of everything, the realization that I had not only lost Tara, but that I had most likely lost all of my friends in the process, I couldn't take it. If Giles hadn't found me..." she trailed off.

"But he did," Kennedy reinforced firmly. "And now you're here. You're doing so much better, and you didn't lose anyone else. You're getting better, you're healing..."

Willow looked over her shoulder at Kennedy, her eyes locking with Kennedy's chocolate gaze, then quietly added "That's just it... I think I'm already healed."

With Kennedy leaning over her, all Willow had to do was roll onto her back for the Slayer to lean down and catch her in a long, caring kiss. It was slow, but filled with as much passion as the two felt for each other, not needing to be fast. They didn't keep track of time, but at the same moment parted, Kennedy's body still pressed down into Willow's, a small smile caressing her features.

Willow returned the look, then pulled Kennedy down into a hug, running a hand over her back. Burying her face in the crook of Willow's neck, the Slayer inhaled deeply, wrapping her arms around the witch.

After another moment, they parted, returning to the previously taken position of Kennedy spooning Willow. The witch was quiet for so long, Kennedy was starting to think she had dosed off, but then she spoke.

"What about me?" Kennedy furrowed her eyebrows, then caught on. "Ah. You mean my story, huh?"

"I see... do I have to?" Kennedy asked, hesitant, then shook her head and grinned back at Willow. "Don't worry about it. So, um... I guess I grew up in Boston-"

"Okay smartass," Kennedy laughed, shaking her head. "I grew up in Boston. My dad works in the oil business, so he's got craploads of money, which in turn pissed me off because... actually, I don't know why. Just got treated differently because 'Daddy was rich', and it sucked. My mom and I though... we were really close." Kennedy bit her lower lip, and Willow squeezed her hand again. "She died when I was 7. I don't even think my dad cared all that much. They were always fighting..." She trailed off again, then shook her head. "Whatever. Anyway, he remarried the bitch from hell like a month later, and then wa-la, I had a step sister. My brother, Dereyk, he was really the only one there for me at that time. But, he couldn't take our step mom either, so he got into a lot of trouble after that. As much as a 'tough guy' he had become, he still hung around and stuck up for me. He was older than I was, eight or so years. Things were really messed up for a while, and suddenly Cedric shows up, tells my dad and I that I'm going to be a vampire Slayer, and we start to train. Stuff started to make more sense. Then, when I was 11, he took me to England to continue training.

"I went home one summer when I was 15, although I'm gonna add that it was against my own will. I guess my dad had phoned Cedric, wanting a small 'family reunion' or some stupid shit like that. Anyway, I guess he convinced my brother to come too, since he was there when I got back." Kennedy laughed softly, shaking her head again. "Three days into the whole trip he walked in on me and this girl named Lyssa when we were..." Kennedy trailed off as Willow gave her an amused look. "R-right, anyway... That's the last time I saw them. And, well, you know about Dereyk..."

Willow nodded, fully remembering Kennedy's brother showing up as a vampire back in March. As hard as it was, Kennedy had finally managed to stand up to him (although after being hospitalized by him, first) and killed him. "Yeah, sweetie, I know..." she said softly, turning over and facing Kennedy. "A-and I know how hard that was for you, and I'm still really proud-"

"Will, please," Kennedy grinned, nudging her playfully. "You sound like a mother or something, with the proud talk crap."

Rolling her eyes, Willow shrugged. "Okay, okay..." She stuck her tongue out playfully. "Well, aside from being here in the US of A, what was it like living in London? I mean, when I was there, all I got to see was a bunch of trees and log cabins. Not so much with the tourism stuff. Ooo, did you know the Queen?" Off the look Kennedy gave her, Willow grinned sheepishly. "O-or not, okay... But, it must have been nice?"

Kennedy shrugged. "It wasn't bad. Tones of good clubs. And British girls? Nice," she grinned widely. "I had an apartment right next to my Watcher's, so I couldn't stay out late or do anything without him knowing. He really was like a dad to me..."

"Kinda like Giles and Buffy, huh? The Watchers Council really were a bunch of dorks, talking about how there shouldn't be emotional attachment between Watcher and Slayer. I think that's what has kept you and Buffy alive and kicking for so long... you had someone there for you."

"This is very true," Kennedy nodded, then finally dropped her head back onto the pillow, sighing deeply. "I know it's not their fault, but I still can't help but sometimes wonder why people leave each other, or pass away... This may sound sort of selfish, but why the hell do they get to leave and you stay here without them? What gives them the right to leave you all alone?"

"I know the feeling..." Willow whispered, resting her forehead against Kennedy's. "So... promise me one thing?"

"Anything..." Kennedy muttered tiredly, half-closing her eyes as sleep started to overtake them.

Opening her eyes, Kennedy stared at Willow for a moment before leaning forward and placing a kiss on her forehead. "Willow Rosenberg, no force on heaven or earth can make me ever go away. I swear to God I'll never leave you..."

"Good," Willow said, already drifting to sleep. "Because I need you here with me. And I promise to return that same favor..."

The sun slowly crept above the city skyline, peaking out from behind the tall buildings of downtown, and finally falling onto the two lovers, curled up together underneath it.

Kennedy stirred eventually, cracking an eye open and smiling when the sight of a very asleep Willow made its way into her vision. Yawning, she rubbed sleep from her eyes, snuggling up closer to Willow again. "Will... it's morning..."

Willow only briefly found the energy to answer; a muffled "Tell it to go away" making its way to Kennedy's ears.

Grinning, the Slayer rolled on top of Willow, placing strategic kisses up and down her neck and collar bone, before the witch finally opened her eyes. "Mmm... morning..."

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty..." Kennedy turned her lip attention to Willow's own, savoring her taste before pulling back. "No point in asking how well you slept. I see it went well." A small smile played at the corners of her lips. "Hungry?"

"Merf..." Willow muttered, attempting to roll over and hide her face from the sun. But Kennedy's arm found its way around her waist, stopping her from moving.

"Nuh-uh. Up with you. Otherwise we're gonna be up here all day until Xander or Buffy send a search party that consists of Edith and Jordan to find us. And then there will be water balloons involved, because water balloons are a favorite in this house, I'm afraid."

Sighing, Willow pushed herself up and out of the sleeping bag in one swift movement, before Kennedy could react. "O..kay... I didn't mean to totally leave the warm and comforting presence of me and the blankets..."

Willow smirked, glancing at Kennedy out of the corner of her eye as she pulled the cooler over to the edge of their sleeping bag. Taking out an orange juice container and setting it aside, she frowned after digging some more. "Kenn? Did you bring any cups out with us?"

"Ah, shit, no I didn't..." Sighing, Kennedy pulled her lazy ass out of the makeshift bed and stood up, yawning and stretching again. "But I shall go retrieve. Don't go anywhere." Smiling quickly, she made her way over to the door and turned the handling, pulling.

"Uh-huh?" Willow called distractedly from over by the sleeping bag, where she was arranging their breakfast.

Willow snapped her head to look over at Kennedy. "Yes. Which is why I specifically mentioned not to lock it last night..."

Kennedy laughed nervously, scratching her neck. "Heh, well, what do you know... apparently I have selective hearing. I failed to hear you mention that before we came outside."

"Kennedy!" Willow called, exasperated, standing up and making her way over to the door. "Oh, well... can't you just, twist it off?"

The Slayer shook her head. "Nope. Remember when Buffy made you magic all the doorknobs, windows etc. so they couldn't be opened by extra force or magic, therefore to keep out unwelcome intruders?"

Willow deflated. "Ah. Great. So we're stuck... Dawn's at school, Slayers sleep till one in the afternoon and it would take more than a hurricane to wake one up, Buffy had to work, and Xander is at the construction site. Which leaves us up here all afternoon."

"Alone," Kennedy added, her trademark grin starting to spread across her face. "What ever shall we do..." She quirked an eyebrow to follow her expression.

Willow rolled her eyes, playfully swatting Kennedy as she started back towards the sleeping bag and food. "What am I gonna do with you..."

"What? I can't help it..." Kennedy shrugged innocently, following after Willow. "I'm your hyperactive, over-sexed girlfriend, remember?"

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Rooftop Confessions

by Faith

Copyright © 2003

faith_ishida@yahoo.com