Two Days

By JustSkipIt

Copyright © 2003

 

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Willow and Tara and any other character that appeared in the syndicated television show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is property of Joss and Mutant Enemy, I'm only borrowing them and am not making any money off them.

Distribution: /mysticmuse.net

Spoilers: Season 6 through Seeing Red.

Pairing: Willow/Tara

Summary: What if Tara knew what would happen at the end of Seeing Red?

Tara entered her dorm room feeling like she was floating. Willow. She had coffee with Willow. A date, or not. And things seem so much better. With Willow off the magic now they could get back to their life and their love, a love that never stopped even though Tara had moved out months ago. But she knew how she felt about Willow and that she would never not love her. That's the meaning of soulmates. And it was totally obvious that Willow felt the same way. "Time. Time and love will heal us", she thought as she lay down on the bed.

Having not slept well last night with the excitement of seeing Willow, she was very tired and thought a nap might be just the thing before some studying. She lay on the bed and thought lovingly of the coffee date. Willow was beautiful as usual and her eyes sparkled as she told of the Scooby adventures Tara had missed, obviously trying not to pressure Tara since both women knew at this point that their relationship was in the blonde's hands. Of course, Anya's conversation was obscure but then wasn't it usually? Tara drifted into a light slumber, picturing Willow's eyes, imagining the feel of those soft lips.

She woke with a start to look around the dorm room. "I must have slept longer than I planned", she thought as she noticed the dusk through the window. The clock read "11:58". "Now that's weird", she thought. "Since when is dusk at 11:58? Maybe the power went out and the clock got reset. I wonder what time it is." She got up from the bed to check her watch on the dresser. That too read "11:58." Turning back to the bed, she wondered when she put the empty suitcase on the bed. "Did Willow and I make up? Am I moving back to Buffy's? No that doesn't seem right and there's only the one small suitcase. I must be going on a shorter trip. Maybe mom put it there for me to pack. That must be it", she realized, and smiled.

This waking was more light but no more clear. Tara glanced to the bright sunlight streaming through the open curtains: "Two days?!" "Two days?!"

Ok, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes to center herself. She started to review the dream and realized that she didn't need to. That she knew the truth. In two days she would die. Could she do something different? Could she prevent it? Could Buffy or Willow? She knew that no one could. She'd heard stories of people who heard they would die and didn't leave their house that day just to have the house burn down. Or didn't drive only to be killed in a train crash. The thing about the moment of your death is that it is the moment of your death and the actions you take only bring you to that moment whenever it is.

Wanting to be in the clearest state possible, the closest to enlightenment, she lit the candles and cast a circle. Three breaths took Tara to her calmest place. Her "Here." A feeling of peace and calm filled her body and soul as she waited in the quiet. Her request for guidance echoed in and through her soul and three imperatives were returned:

Live each day as if it were your last on earth.
Forgive.
Love.

Tara stayed in her Here for a little longer feeling the peace and serenity before she broke the circle.

Writing the letters took longer than she had expected. Although she loved and forgave her father and brother, she didn't have the time to go to them so the letters would have to do. By the time Tara had finished the letters, hours had passed and she had cried seemingly endless tears. The last letter to Dawn held no forgiveness for she had never felt wronged by this loving girl but she wanted to write something to comfort the youngster and allow her to know how much she was loved. She posted the letters to her blood kin, addressed the last envelope simply to "Dawn," and left it on her bed knowing that eventually one of her true family, perhaps Buffy, would come here to pack her belongings and find it.

Now for the terrible and wonderful and hardest and easiest part: going back to Willow. Sharing that love for 2 days. Knowing that it would end. Part of her wanted to tell Willow what would happen. That they only had 2 days left. But the other part knew she couldn't tell her lover. Willow would certainly try to stop this from happening and they would miss out on the time they could spend sharing their love as she fought the inevitable.

Tara felt both exhilarated and terrified making her way through Sunnydale toward the reunion. She looked around this town which had served as her home for 3 years with love and remembrance: the campus where she and Willow had met and fallen in love, the Expresso Pump, Main Street, the Magic Box. As she walked, she blessed this place, this hellmouth, with her love and prayed that her energy would help the Scooby family heal and love.

Tara let herself into the quiet house, not sure if anyone, including Willow, was home. With the reality of what she was about to do, she needed focus and quiet. Although Tara knew that she wanted to spend these last days loving and being loved by Willow, it was nearly impossible to put the fact of what Willow had done out of her mind. Finding no one else in the house and Willow on the bed studying, Tara began speaking from the doorway, "Things fall apart." Knowing that she had Willow's full attention, she continued the speech that while not exactly planned had formed in her mind all day. At the last moment, "Can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?" she felt some of the old self-doubt, but Willow was smiling and off the bed in a second, taking Tara in her arms for their most passionate kiss.


Simultaneous feelings of love and relief had flooded through Tara as Willow left the bed to embrace her. Both women knew that this was not just about kissing: not about going slow, but about how passionately and completely they loved each other and the months apart. Tara ran her hands over Willow's face and through her hair as Willow continued kissing her and pulling her closer and closer, passionately caressing her lover's back.

Slowly Willow began lightly licking Tara's lips: not attempting to enter Tara's mouth but just luxuriating in the feeling of her softness. Although she was enjoying the attention paid to her lips, Tara wanted Willow's tongue INSIDE her mouth, not on her lips only. She captured that vixen tongue between her lips and pulled it deeply inside, sucking on the tip. Willow let a moan escape her mouth as Tara took her tongue captive, the first sound either of them had made since Tara's plea. Swirling their tongues together, the women began exploring the inside of Willow's mouth.

Without breaking the kiss, Tara attempted to close the door, only to find that it would not close fully. She made a little noise of disappointment and frustration at this obstacle. "Door?" she moaned through their joined lips. Willow began giggling through the kiss, "Dress." "Huh?" Tara returned. Preferring action to frustration, Willow pulled away from the kiss long enough to pull the dress hanging on the back of the door off the door and toss it on a chair, pushing the door closed fully. Tara smiled, "oh… dress" as she pulled Willow into another kiss. Willow pushed Tara's leather jacket from her shoulders, tossing it to join the dress on the chair.

Although Tara loved the feeling of having Willow in her arms once again, her legs were starting to feel weak; she began to guide Willow toward the bed. As Willow backed into the bed, she sat down, pulling Tara on top of her. Quickly, Willow rolled over to straddle the blonde. For the first time, she pulled back a few inches to look at her lover, sliding her hand through Tara's hair and down her cheek. Their eyes locked together in love and passion.

Willow leaned in for another kiss, but only briefly did Tara feel her lips on the redhead's as Willow began to kiss and lick down Tara's neck. Knowing how much Tara loved it, she paid particular attention her jugular as she lightly kissed and sucked these sensitive points. The way Tara was running her hands through Willow's hair and moaning encouraged Willow to continue paying attention to her soft skin. Willow eased her hands between Tara's breasts to unbutton her blouse. Unfastening the top button, Willow moved her hand automatically to her lover's bra and was pleased to find the clasp in front, releasing that as well. As she released each button, Willow followed her fingers with her mouth: placing light kisses down the center of Tara's chest and stomach.

Reaching Tara's waist, Willow slipped her hands into Tara's blouse, removing both it and her unfastened bra and tossing both to the floor. As she did so, she pulled back up to kiss Tara's luscious mouth once again. Reveling in the feeling of Willow lips on hers, Tara grasped the waist of Willow's shirt, pulling it up and ensuring that her knuckles grazed the redhead's ribs. She pulled away long enough to pull the shirt off and add it to the growing pile of clothes, immediately pulling Willow back down on top of her.

Both women were increasingly lost in the feeling of flesh on flesh as they rubbed their bodies together. Tara's nipples tingled as she felt Willow's soft cool skin moving against her. She reached both hands up to cup her lover's soft breasts, moving the palms slowly and softly over the mounds, brushing Willow's hard nipples with her thumbs on each pass. She was rewarded immediately as Willow began to arch her back and moan her rising excitement. Further encouraged, she began lightly rolling Willow's right nipple with her left hand while lifting her mouth to Willow's other nipple. After kissing the tip once, she began circling the aureole with her tongue. With Willow's continuing moaning and Tara's growing excitement, she took the nipple into her mouth and began sucking it.

Tara began alternating sucking Willow's nipples, driven by the sounds of Willow's moans. She moved her hands to unfasten her lover's skirt and easily slipped it off along with her panties. Not one to fall behind, Willow quickly removed the remainder of Tara's clothing and lowered her body on top of her lover's again, taking her tongue into her mouth and sucking on the tip. The women moaned their pleasure and excitement as they felt each other's wetness.

Willow began kissing her way down the blonde's body. Still pressing her body against Tara's, she took Tara's left nipple in her mouth and sucked it deeply. She alternated between hard and soft sucking and licking the tip while rolling the other nipple in her left hand. She used her tongue to press the nipple against her teeth and was rewarded with a deep moan from Tara. She moved to the other nipple, replacing her mouth with her hand. As Tara continued moaning, Willow kissed down her stomach and to the top of her pubic hair.

Reaching the top of her hair, Willow paused and looked up to see Tara watching her. As she slipped onto the floor to kneel in front of her lover, she pulled Tara to the edge of the bed. Tara's hand strayed to play with Willow's hair as Willow leaned in licking the juices from the insides of Tara's thighs. Rubbing her nose and lips all over Tara's short blonde hair, Willow breathed in deeply this so wonderful and so missed Tara smell. Tara gasped and writhed under Willow's attention as the redhead placed one kiss on Tara's center. Looking up, she locked green on blue eyes, "I love you" she whispered before returning to lavish attention on her lover.

Willow slowly and tenderly ran her tongue up Tara's lips on either side, tasting Tara's want. Urged on by the sound of Tara, she began to kiss and lick Tara's inner lips, diving her tongue inside her lover before lifting her tongue to Tara's clit. Once there, Willow kissed her clit reverently before licking it slowly. As she rotated her tongue around the swollen muscle, Tara tensed and continued moaning as the words "Oh Goddess" escaped her lips. Willow allowed herself to stop thinking and go with instinct, lavishing love and attention on Tara's center as she was guided by the blonde's reactions and sounds. As Tara's moaning became more insistent, she choked out, "W-W-Will… i-i-in…" Willow responded instantly, slipping two fingers inside her. Pressing her fingers against Tara's tight muscles, she began moving in and out, still sucking Tara's clit. Willow slowed her movements to delay and intensify her lover's climax, but feeling how the blonde needed this release, she didn't want to wait too long. Driving her fingers deeply into Tara's wetness while swirling her tongue over her clit, she felt Tara's orgasm break, squeezing her fingers and pulling her deeper as the blonde screamed, "Willow!"

As wave after wave of Tara's orgasm continued, Willow slowed her hand and continued lightly licking her lover's wet lips and clit. Each time she ran the tip of her tongue over this button, Tara's depth clenched Willow's fingers. As Tara started to relax, Willow moved her fingers from their warm resting place and crawled on top of Tara's exhausted form, kissing her softly on the lips, cheeks, and eyelids. Tara tasted herself on her lover's lips and face and began lightly sucking Willow's talented tongue. Unable to move well at the moment, she nonetheless was extracting moans and shudders from the redhead with the attention she was paying to her mouth and tongue.

Still lying under the smaller redhead, Tara began running her fingertips over Willow's sides, brushing against her small breasts, each touch eliciting light gasps from her very excited lover. As Tara pulled Willow to straddle her, she reached up with her fingers to touch Willow's very excited, hard nipples. Knowing that her Willow would be very ready for her own release, she began licking and sucking the hard nipples in front of her in rhythm with running her fingers through Willow's curly hair. "Oh baby" Willow moaned out each time she felt Tara's fingers gliding through her wetness.

She attempted to press her center against Tara's stomach for the contact but Tara wanted Willow in and on her hand. Simultaneously entering the redhead and sitting up, she pulled Willow into her lap, placing her left hand around the small of the woman's back. Willow let out a gasp as she felt Tara enter her. As Tara slowly moved her hand inside her lover, she lightly kissed her on the mouth. Although she knew Willow needed her mouth on her, she pulled back for a moment. She whispered "I love you Willow," before capturing her lover's tongue again. With their mouths locked together, no words were needed, which was fine seeing as Willow was losing the ability to speak English anyway. Bracing one hand behind Tara's neck and the other on the bed, Willow began driving herself harder and faster onto her lover's hand. With a guiding hand on Willow's lower back, Tara matched Willow's slick movements against her hand. Tara gave her lover a questioning look to which Willow simply moaned and nodded as the blonde slipped a second finger into Willow's very wet center and felt the redhead peak immediately. Willow grasped Tara's face kissing her hard as her vaginal muscles clenched around the fingers inside her over and over.

Unable to continue holding herself up Willow allowed herself to fall back onto the bed, making satisfied, but not English, sounds. Tara gazed at her beauty as she continued softly stroking her lover with two fingers inside the wet environment. She used her left hand now stroking Willow's clit softly as Willow whimpered her pleasure. Her second orgasm was more powerful than the first and Tara immediately shifted to hold her lover in the aftermath of this powerful experience.

Many hours, "I Love You's", and climaxes later, the two women lay curled together lightly touching the other's lovely skin. Suddenly, Willow looked up to meet Tara's blue eyes: "Baby I love you so much. Are you here to stay?"
"For the rest of my life," Tara replied kissing her love just before both fell deeply asleep.


Willow had a vague understanding that she was happily curled together with Tara. They had spent most of the morning and part of the afternoon doing nerd-research. They finally were able to get back to their higher priority, each other, and had made love before falling deeply asleep in each other's arms. Now, from that place of half-sleeping/half-waking, she became aware of the touch of Tara's hand running through her hair and Tara's soft voice singing to her:

If you ever need to hear a voice in the middle of the night
When it seems so black outside that you can't remember light
Ever shone on you or the ones you love in this or another lifetime
And the voice you need to hear is the true and the trusted kind
With a soft, familiar rhythm in these swirling, unsure times
When the waves are lapping in and you're not sure you can swim
Well here's the lifeline
If you ever need to feel a hand take up your own
When you least expect but want it more than you've ever known
Baby here's that hand and baby here's my voice that's calling,
This is love, all it ever was and will be
This is love

And if you ever need some proof that time can heal your wounds
Just step inside my heart and walk around these rooms
Where the shadows used to be, you can feel as well as see how peace can hover
Now time's been here to fix what's broken with its power
The love that smashed us both to bits spent its last few hours
Calling out your name, I thought this is the kind of pain
From which we don't recover
But I'm standing here now with my heart held out to you
You would've thought a miracle was all that got us through
Well baby all it know, all I know is I'm still standing
And this is love all it ever was and will be
This is love

And I see you still and there's this catch in my throat and
I just swallow hard till it leaves me
There's nothing in this world that can change what we know
Still I know I am here if you ever need me
And this is love

And if you ever think of me let it be around twilight
When the world has settled down and the last round of sunlight
Is waning in the sky, as you sit and watch the night descending
A car will pass out front with lovers at the wheel
A dog will bark out back and children's voices peal
Over and under the air, you've been there lost in the remembering
And if you ever wish for things that are only in the past
Just remember that the wrong things aren't supposed to last
Babe it's over and done and the rest is gonna come when you let it
And this is love, all it ever was and will be
This is love, when you let it, if you let it now
This is love, all it ever was and can be
This is love

Willow listened intently as she grew toward wakefulness, recognizing that Tara was singing more than just a song. As Tara's last note faded away to silence, Willow asked, "That's beautiful, baby, but it's so sad. What does it mean?"

"What do you think it means, sweetie?" Tara prompted gently.

"Well, on one hand, it sounds like a song about how when someone loves you, they will always love you and you can always count on them and they will always be there for you and I mean, that's really beautiful and sweet and wow-what a beautiful song… but on the other hand, it's a really sad song, I mean it sounds like you are leaving -- I mean someone is leaving , I mean that they are gone or that … but that can't be because last night you said, I mean I thought you said … you were never going to leave?"

The rambled question hung in the air for longer than Willow could stand. She sat up to look at her lover with pain filled eyes and began to babble further: "It's because I lost it about magic, isn't it? I mean, you are so talented and such an amazing Wicca and you need someone who can keep up, who can be an equal and I will always be, like, the girl who used to be so bad, and had all this power, but just couldn't handle Wicca. I mean, when we met, it was Wicca that brought us together anyway and doing all the spells and doing the magic and having the power to do all that cool stuff and I mean you probably want a girlfriend you can do magic with, I mean I did, I mean, I would but I can't be a Wicca anymore since I screwed up, I mean you probably don't want to be saddled with me, I mean I don't want to be saddled with me…magically…."

Tara took Willow's hand in both of her own: "Sweetie, first, I don't want another girlfriend. I want you. It's always been you. My loving you has nothing to do with magic or power. Magic is just what brought you to me. My love for you goes so far beyond that. It's never been about what you do, it's who you are." She continued, "And second, what makes you think you have to give up Wicca? Wicca is more than power and spells. It's a spiritual tradition, a way of living. The smallest component is the actual magic."

Tara looked away for a moment before continuing: "I wish there had been a real Wicca group at school so that you could have learned more about Wicca from real Wiccans rather than just from spell books. I at least had my mom and my grandmother, to help me on my path. You haven't had any real exposure, just me."

Tara smiled faintly. "We haven't really ever had a chance to discuss it much, what with all the Scooby stuff and my brain being sucked away - by Glory, baby" Tara eased the guilt from Willow's face with her fingers and held her gaze. "You were out of control and now you are back. I have so much respect for what you have done to become true to the most critical aspect of Wicca. You just didn't know that's why you were doing it. You know the central tenant of Wicca, right?"

Willow looked at her blankly for a moment and then slowly said, "Do as ye will, and harm none?"

Tara smiled. "Think about that, baby, think about how we can choose to live our life, magic or no, by that one phrase. There is nothing I want to share with you more than living that belief every day, no matter what happens."

Willow lay back onto the bed, quickly followed by the blonde. She held her newly returned Tare-Bear close to her as she digested the huge amount of information Tara had just shared.

Her introspection and honesty were clear as she responded, "I was just so into the spells and the power. I got so lost. I never thought about the larger belief behind it. You're right, of course. I really don't know that side of Wicca. That's the side that's most important to you, isn't it?"

Tara looked at her lover with blue eyes shining and returned, "That's the side that's most important."

They snuggled closer in the silence, reveling in the comfort of being in each other's arms again. After a time Willow rose to one elbow and looked at Tara with vixen eyes. "But the magic was cool, wasn't it?"

Tara rolled her eyes and agreed, "Yea, baby, the magic was cool." Tara flirted, "Let me show you some magic you can still enjoy…" and pulled Willow back to her.


Tara stood in the shower letting the warm water stream over her, a well-lathered scrubbie forgotten in her hand, as she considered the last two days. Had she taken care of everything? The letters were done. Should she have written one to Willow? Willow would realize Tara had known about her death in advance because of the letter to Dawn. No, Willow would understand. The redhead would remember the love they shared and know that there was nothing more that needed to be said. Tara smiled as she thought about her final days, the love, the tenderness, the passion. She was sure that Willow had no clue what would happen today. Her heart ached for her lover's upcoming pain, but reassured herself that Buffy and the other Scoobies would be right there to comfort her. For the first time, she wondered how it would happen. Demon? Vampire? It was, after all, the Hellmouth. The chances of a pedestrian death were slim. Tara almost laughed out loud at that thought.

A cool hand on the small of her back startled her. "What's with the giggles in the shower, silly?"

"I'll show you giggles," she answered, turning to tickle Willow and squeezing soap suds onto her head.

Willow squealed and pulled Tara to her, pinning the blonde's arms as she shook the suds from her hair back onto Tara's face.

"Truce, truce!" Tara quickly relented, pulling Willow under the water with her. Willow immediately agreed, purring "Truce" as she snuggled closer to her lover. As they looked in each other's eyes, both women simultaneously announced, "I Love You" and then laughed at their shared thought and timing.

"Want me to wash you, dirty girl?" Tara asked holding up the still soaped scrubbie.

"What, you don't like me being dirty?" Willow teased.

"Oh, I love you being dirty, but I want to get you clean first," her blue eyes flashed with insinuation as she began running the scrubbie up and down Willow's back. As Willow melted into her lover's soapy caress, Tara dropped the scrubbie in favor of the apple-scented shampoo that Willow so loved. Willow gave herself up completely as Tara moved her under the shower, wetting her hair thoroughly. As she began working the lather through her lover's red hair, Tara was immediately rewarded with a purring from Willow.

"This has always been your favorite part," Tara murmured, strong fingers massaging Willow's scalp. Enjoying this treat, Willow began rubbing her hands over Tara's hips, eliciting a few moans in return. Tara leaned Willow into the spray to rinse her hair, running her fingers repeatedly through the curls, releasing more sighs from the redhead.

Next, Tara grabbed the liquid soap from the shelf and poured a generous amount into her open palm. Rubbing her hands together to work up a lather, she began massaging the suds over Willow's shoulders and back, reaching quickly around to her front. Slick fingers ran up and down Willow's torso, slowing to circle her breasts. Willow's legs became weak and she leaned against the shower wall for support. Tara teased her lover, running her soapy hands slowly over Willow's breasts, but avoiding her very hard nipples.

Kneeling before her, Tara soaped Willow's legs. She lifted Willow's feet off the floor one at a time, carefully washing between each toe. The wall support became more and more necessary to the redhead, and not just because Tara was cradling her foot. As Tara worked her hands back up to the joining of Willow's legs, Willow gasped her passion. Tara parted her lover's silken lips to cleanse her wet center.

Willow could no longer resist her need to have Tara in her arms, and pulled her up to kiss her deeply, cupping her smooth ass in her small hands. Tara responded, pressing herself against Willow and teasing with her tongue.

"I love you, you know that?" Tara whispered as she explored Willow's kiss. Willow moaned her agreement and began kissing down Tara's neck. Taking her lover's face in her hands, Tara looked deeply into Willow's emerald eyes and repeated "I love you. Forever."

Willow smiled, "I know, honey. I love you too. Kiss me." Tara eagerly complied as she slowly ran her fingers from Willow's face down her neck and onto her breast, finally rolling Willow's erect nipples between her fingers and pressing her thigh against her lover's warm wet center. The kiss barely muffled Willow's scream of pleasure. Taking one nipple between her teeth, she quickly slid her hand between her thigh and Willow's need, bathing in the redhead's fiery passion. Tara could no longer hold back. She joined with her lover, two fingers gliding into Willow's depths.

Willow's cry of passion quickly turned into a squeal of shock as the hot water was replaced with icy needles. As Tara removed her hand, she gasped her displeasure both at the feeling of the cold water and at having to break contact with her lover. She turned off the shower stream and stepped out of the shower, pulling Willow after her.

Tara gazed at the redhead and asked, "Now that the shower has kicked us out, do you want to go to bed?" Willow simply responded by pulling Tara down to the floor, kneeling over her lover and leaning on one hand. Tara smiled, "Oh, my vixen…" as Willow parted the blonde's curls to feel her matched need. As their lips met, they simultaneously entered one another, exploring with fingers and tongues. Each woman's pleasure was indistinguishable from her soulmate's as they moved in synchronicity. Their passion quickly reached its zenith and Willow collapsed on top of her Tara. Gently moving fingers sent aftershocks through each content and relaxed woman.

Toying with her lover's hair, Tara blushed, "Um, Will, do you think Buffy or Dawnie are waiting for the shower?"

Willow smiled, "No, baby. Dawn is at Janice's and Buffy has been up for hours. But we should probably get dressed and see what Scoobyage there is to do."

After a beat, both women sighed, "As soon as my legs work again."


The lovers bantered playfully while drying each other's hair and teasingly interfered with each other's morning routine. When Tara spotted Xander in the backyard, both women were encouraged that the Scooby family would once again regain its special closeness. As she started back across the room, flirtatiously discussing the pleasures of making up, Tara had no time to notice the shots fired.

Her shock was evident as she questioned, "Your shirt...", noting the splash of red that suddenly clashed with the white of Willow's top. She didn't have time to speak again as the realization dawned on her that this was it, and the world exploded.


…into love all around.

Feeling no pain, Tara became instantly attuned to Everything. She could feel all the love and light in the world. If She had a body, that body would have been blinded by the energy coming through the window, the floors, the ceiling, Willow, everything. Her realization that this was so could have taken 1/100000 of a second or a million years. She knew that everything She knew and felt was in the ALWAYS. She was now in the Everything that ever was and ever will be and is. Her mind and soul felt the flow of Energy and Love - the power that represented the White Magic that She had embodied in human form. She understood without thought that She was absolute Love and Magic -- the Magic from the original Source.

The realization of pure love throughout the universe took no time; however, simultaneous to realizing this truth, She felt a very different feeling rush through Her soul. She felt overwhelming pain and grief, anger and hatred. She felt absolute desperation, not from inside but pressing powerfully on Her from another source. Intrinsically knowing that She had the power, She tried to send love and healing, hope and faith toward the maelstrom. At first She thought that Her missives of love were successful but She realized quickly that the pain was no lesser, just farther away. Rather than diminish the pain, Her efforts pushed Her essence away and She realized She was no longer near any location that She had ever known.

Curious about Her translocation, She trusted that answers would reveal themselves as She drifted, continuing Her eternal purpose in the universe: spreading Love and Magic. Open to the message of the All, She focused more intently on Her calling, consciously asking, "How can I help the world?" "How can I lessen pain?"

Her Light found itself in communication with a similar spirit. Although She could feel the Light and Love and Magic of the kindred soul, She could detect that this spirit was not pure energy but was a representation of a human form. That someone was attempting to communicate with Her by attaining an alternative reality. This spirit was both similar and different from Her in that it was also a representation of Love and Spirit but that it was still tethered to the mortal physical world. She realized that to truly communicate with this being, She needed to change, as the other being did not have the ability to become true spirit.

She asked the simple question, "How do I change in order have this communication?" The simple act of imagining this question invented a spiritual answer. Her White Magic essence rushed to meet the other spirit.

"Kindred spirit, greetings," She sent to the mind of the other.

"Tara?" the spirit queried?

"I am Spirit. I am Light. I am Magic. I am One. I am Tara," Tara sent forth. Her increased communication with the other spirit was bringing Her closer to a unified consciousness.

"I am Ruth, seer of a coven of Devonshire. I learned of Your ascendance. Your wish to lessen the pain brought You to me. Thank You for coming."

"Yes Ruth. You can call me Tara. What is wrong?"

"Your love, Your matched heart, Your magical and love partner is in pain", Ruth explained gently.

"Willow? How can that be? It has been so long? I felt her pain when I first changed but that was so long ago. I have been this spirit forever and forever this spirit has been me. I don't understand." As she spoke, Tara felt blinding pain and grief from Her earthly lover.

"Dear sweet light. It was 3 hours ago in our time that You left this world. Much has happened since then." As Ruth spoke, Tara gleaned her full knowledge. The knowledge that Willow had tried to bring Her back, that she drained the dark magic books, that she attacked Anya, and her murderous intent. If Tara had had a physical body, She would have been sick at the intensity of the pain.

Tara took only a moment to respond: "I will go to her. I can bring her to the light. I can heal her pain."

"No my sweet spirit. No one can heal her pain. Pain is necessary and she must feel it to have her experience here. Also, You can not go to a source of dark magic. Dark and light magic are like the opposite poles of a magnet. You can not get to her and as her power grows, You will be repelled further and further from her spirit as she will be from Yours." Ruth spoke these words knowing their truth but regretting them nonetheless. "Her lust now is for power and revenge."

Tara instantly saw the answer: "Send Me to her in her quest. Allow her My power. She will take it to feed her lust. Let Me merge with her and bring her to the Light."

"How could I do this?" Ruth questioned. "She must willingly take the spirit. We can not put it in her."

Again using Her universal knowledge Tara saw the path to resolution. "Can we send My Spirit in human form and allow her to take It?"

Ruth considered. "That might work. However…"

"What?"

"Your spirit could be lost. Only one can win. Love or revenge. Light or Dark. If her Dark can not accept the Light, you will be trapped in the Dark. Even if she accepts the Light and Love, You will only re-enter the world of spirit if she releases You." Ruth gave the dire warning.

Tara took not a second in human or spirit time to answer: "I would rather be with her regardless of Dark or Light than without her in the Light. If her soul should be My prison, then I will love the walls of My cell and My captor with the same love I bestowed on her in the mortal world. If she can not join Me in My forever, I chose her forever."

The spirits momentarily lost contact as a swell of emotion overcame Ruth. She quickly regained her focus, quietly commenting with awe, "You truly are the Light. Have you any ideas who could get close to her through this pain?"

"There is one man she would listen to, a mentor of sorts. He is in England now. His name is Rupert Giles. Please find him."


A knock at the door startled Giles, causing him to spill his tea onto the ancient Wiccan text he had been perusing.

"Blast!" he muttered as he quickly dabbed at the wet tome with his handkerchief and started for the door. Who would be visiting this time of day? Opening the door to the setting sun, he saw only a silhouette before him.

"May I help you?" he impatiently asked the mysterious visitor.

"Giles, Rupert Giles?" the figure inquired. At Giles' nod, she continued "It is urgent that I speak with you. May I come in?"

Giles stepped back to allow the woman entrance to his flat. They moved together to the sitting area, Giles gesturing for the woman to sit in the most comfortable chair. He waited for her to speak, detecting a need for the woman to gather her thoughts.

"My name is Ruth Hannigan. I am the Seer for the Devonshire coven." Eyeing the text on the coffee table, she smiled, "You may have heard of us?"

Giles nodded again silently waiting for her to continue, his curiosity building.

"There is a dark power rising in Sunnydale. We need your help. We believe you may be the only one who can stem the tide of destruction that is to come," she explained ominously.

"How strange," the ex-watcher exclaimed. "Although I left there, I have been keeping an eye on the place. I must admit that I have detected nothing that caused me alarm. I checked only days ago," he seemed to blush at being caught still acting the watcher. "There were no portents beyond the typical then, and Buffy is more than a match for the usual problems arising at the Hellmouth."

Ruth shook her head, stating, "You misunderstand, Mr. Giles. This danger comes from something no book would forecast, and for once, it has very little to do with the Hellmouth. Finally, although Buffy is matched with this dark power, I do not believe her to be a match for it."

Giles apologized, "I am sorry, but I do not follow you."

Ruth admitted, "I am not the one to explain this well. Would you travel with me to the one who can illuminate the challenge and your role in disarming it? We would not go far, but I would need you to trust me."

Giles nodded, "Yes, of course. Who is this person? Where do we need to go?"

"Our bodies will remain right here, Mr. Giles. Only our spirits will travel. I have the supplies needed, if we may begin?

With a growing sense of urgency, Giles replied only, "What do you need?"

After moving the coffee table, it took Ruth only a few minutes to cast the circle and complete the incantation that allowed their spirits to enter the higher plane.


As Ruth finished the incantation, Giles became aware of a very bright light throughout his flat. Or at least it seemed like his flat: like his flat and yet very different. He found the space to be like a combination of every space he had ever lived and found comfort. It seemed to say to him, "this is home." It was apparent to him that he was in the presence of very high white magic and Love.

He glanced around for Ruth but did not see her. He could see the image of another person but the form was indistinct. He felt that this form was vaguely familiar but could not place it.

Although he did not see this person speak, he heard the initial greeting from everywhere at once, "Mr. Giles?"

"Tara?"

Tara's form suddenly sharpened into focus, a radiant smile forming on her face as she asked, "How did you know it was me?"

"I do have some little knowledge, Tara, and even in the spirit realms, you are distinctly you. And, you are the only one who calls me 'Mr. Giles,'" Giles explained. He continued, "Tara what are you doing here? What is happening? I had no idea you were able to travel the spirit realms."

"Oh. You don't… You haven't… Mr. Giles, I … I am spirit now." She didn't know what else to say.

Understanding showed starkly on his face as he assimilated the information. He quietly asked, "Tara, what happened?"

"It's OK, Mr. Giles. I knew it was coming. I had two days to prepare," she smiled apologetically, "I am sorry I cannot also give you time to get used to it."

Showing obvious shock, Giles questioned, "Buffy and Willow could not save you? I should have been there to help."

Seeing his misunderstanding, she interjected, "Oh, I didn't try to stop it. You know how death paradoxes are."

"Then what did you do for two days if you knew you were going to die and didn't try to stop it. What did you?… Oh. Oh. Oh.," he exclaimed as he noted the slightly embarrassed look on the girl's face. He reached for his glasses and handkerchief, but found nothing.

"Gee, where are those glasses when you need them," she joked, producing his glasses and a now-clean handkerchief with a wave of her hand.

"Tara, how did you…What is happening…" he shook his head and commanded, "Please Tara, I can see I have missed much. Please go back and fill me in. Ruth said my help is needed, but it seems to be too late to save you. Why am I here?"

Tara sobered quickly, replying, "Yes, you are right. I died. The manner is less important than the response. Free of my earthly incarnation, I am White Magic. I am all that is Good. I am Goddess. My life's work set me free of many doubts. Willow especially helped me to see what I had not understood for lifetimes. I have shed the doubts and insecurities that held me back. In loving and leaving and returning to Willow, I set myself free." Her image appeared to glow, bathing the room in a peaceful white light. "Now Willow needs our help."

Giles nodded, "Of course. Willow is surely grieving. I will go back to Sunnydale immediately. But, Tara, she does have her friends around her. Why on earth would it be so urgent that you would summon the coven to find me?"

Tara agreed, "She is taking it rather hard. She --" Tara's light suddenly dimmed as anguish crossed her face. "She - Oh, Goddess, oh…" Determination replaced the horror as she held up a hand to stop Giles' approach. "It's OK, Mr. Giles. Willow. She has taken the next step. She has killed. She hurts so badly, Mr. Giles," emotion infused her entirely as she pleaded, "We have to get there soon. She has gone too far down the path of darkness."

Giles' face mirrored her anguish. "She is using magic again. She is using dark powers for vengeance." He knew with grave certainty. "I tried so hard to talk to her about her power imbalance. The moment she sacrificed innocence to raise Buffy from the dead, she killed the white magic that lived inside her. I tried to get her to see that she could no longer safely use magic. She did not want to hear me." He removed his glasses, covering his face with his hand. "Tara, there is no way to save her. She is lost."

"No, Mr. Giles. We can save her. We can return White Magic to her. The coven is ready to entrust their collective magic to you. You can take that magic as well as mine to remedy the imbalance in her spirit." She explained quickly as she felt Willow's desperation.

"You want to give her your magic? You would lose yourself in her, Tara,. You would be energy alone, bound within her. The risk is too great." Giles shook his head. "Besides, how would I get her to take it?"

Tara touched him for the first time, and Giles felt a sense of peace resonate through him. "I believe in you, Mr. Giles. Willow trusts and respects you. She looks up to you. Use what skills you must, but she must take the gift of her own free will and she must not know I am involved in any way. For her soul to realign, she must choose to take back the White." As she saw Giles still wavering, she added quietly, "This is not just for Willow. She has more power than you know. And she is seeking more. This is the only way."

Giles thought a moment more and said, "What must I do?"

Ruth appeared next to Tara, stating, "The coven has done its part. We are ready."

Tara nodded her thanks, saying "Mr. Giles, I will place the magic in you and take you to her. It is time."

A heartbeat later, Giles found himself outside the door to the Magic Box, filled with more energy than he had ever known.


As Giles entered the Magic Box, Tara felt a mixture of powerful emotions. Her quickly fading human aspect screamed fear and concern for Willow, while her Goddess aspect radiated love, knowing that peace would come, no matter what transpired. Although she had known the vengeful rage her lover emitted, she was not prepared for Willow's physical transformation. Instant understanding and compassion flooded her, knowing that in Willow's pain, she showed the world the shadows that humans try so hard to hide.

Tara focused on supporting both Willow and Giles as they fought, Willow's venom only serving to elicit an even greater flood of unconditional love. As the confrontation became more physically violent, Tara took the brunt of Willow's negative energy, transforming darkness to light, attempting to create balance.

Disappointed that Willow was not to be gently restrained, Tara knew that trickery would now be involved. She was glad Giles faced Willow in physical form; she knew she could not act as harshly as would be necessary. Finally, Tara felt the red surge that meant Willow was taking her, as sensation momentarily overwhelmed her.

Willow gasped as Tara entered her, filling her with sweetness greater than any she had ever known. On a subconscious level, she tasted Tara, breathing the essence of her. Two became one, energies flowing hotly together, form suddenly meaningless as their intimacy consumed them. Completely filled with each other, Willow's body could no longer hold them up and, joined, they slid to the floor. Panting in the aftermath of their union, they were unable to do more than breathe.

Tara came to her senses what seemed like an eternity later, but realized it had only been seconds. She had been unprepared for the intensity of their joining. Happy to have Willow back, seemingly connected soul to soul, Tara drank in and blessed all that was Willow.

Tara could hear Willow's disjointed thoughts: Tara - the peace, the love, the …oh, Goddess, Tara… I love you so … Tara felt a rush of excitement that Willow had so quickly recognized her energy. Willow's thoughts turned: Goddess. I will never feel this way again. I will never hold her again. She is gone forever.

Not knowing what she said aloud and what was thought alone, Willow mourned, The pain, it hurts so bad. The world is in agony. Love isn't worth this pain. It must end. I must make it end.

As Willow left Giles collapsed on the floor, Tara mourned the depth of her lover's rage and darkness.


When Willow arrived at the bluff, Tara felt panic and desperation. Her plan to infuse Willow with her White Magic had not worked! She had now given her lover the power to bring about the end of the world. She felt her Goddess aspect weakening as her human aspect became more entangled with her lover's rage.

Seeing Xander arrive at the cliff, Tara would have cried out her relief if she could. She suddenly knew that she could not reach Willow only in energy form; she lacked the human connection that Willow needed so desperately. Tara blessed Xander's commitment to Willow. As she felt this bond, Tara recovered the absolute love and compassion that she felt for all beings. She released all attachment to her human aspect and flooded Willow as light suffuses darkness at dawn.

The song filled her essence and she began to sing, energy finding form to be her voice:

If you ever need to hear a voice in the middle of the night
When it seems so black outside that you can't remember light
Ever shone on you or the ones you love in this or another lifetime
And the voice you need to hear is the true and the trusted kind
With a soft, familiar rhythm in these swirling, unsure times
When the waves are lapping in and you're not sure you can swim
Well here's the lifeline
If you ever need to feel a hand take up your own
When you least expect but want it more than you've ever known
Baby here's that hand and baby here's my voice that's calling,
This is love, all it ever was and will be
This is love …

Willow's dark rage cracked, finally letting in all the Light Tara had given so selflessly. Willow chose Love in spite of pain, making her joining with Tara's essence a stronger bond than anyone had ever known. In this eternal union, the balance between dark and light was once again perfect. By setting the darkness free, the redhead also released the light, allowing both to flow naturally once more.

The End

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