Human Layers by Pat Kelly

Rating: R
Disclaimer: I make no money. All hail Joss and his army of Mutant Enemies. And oh, if you have time, FOX and UPN, too.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse /mysticmuse.net
Feedback: Thank you.
Spoilers: Season 2.

Pairing: Buffy/Cordelia
Summary: Buffy learns there's more to Cordelia than anyone would have guessed.

A sixteen-year-old, lightly brown-haired, hazel-eyed sophomore stood just inside the doors of her high school library, on the night of the 'Spring Fling.' Her locks were a wet disaster, as was the long, expensive, silk-white dress her mother had surprised her with for the dance. She'd have a hard time explaining that when she got there – it wasn't raining. And to make things worse, she looked like she'd just escaped the clutches of an abusive family member, or the slightly less, plausible story she was going with, the clutches of a rabid dog.

Hey, she was bitten – the lies of Buffy Anne Summers always had a kernel of truth.

Her friends knew the whole of it, who'd already gone on ahead: Xander Harris, a jokester-type who she didn't give enough credit to, basically saved her life from that...rabid dog. Willow Rosenberg was the only actual, female best friend she could remember having, as her life before this year, one of popularity in Los Angeles where she had two parents living under the same roof, didn't seem to matter anymore. Anyway, the girl was a shy redhead, a technological whiz, and as sweet as could be.

Also making their way out of the building, were four others. Rupert Giles, the librarian and a prime example of a British, 'Old Guy' stereotype...but with layers. Jenny Calendar, the computer teacher, and someone she didn't know too well yet. But the adults appeared to have an interest in each other, which was too gross to even imagine. Then last but not least, Cordelia Chase, the black-haired, attractive head of the school's social elite, and Angel, a 241-year-old, dark and mysterious, redemptive vampire with a soul...whom she was somewhat infatuated with.

And they were all taller than her. Being petite when you were a vampire slayer was somewhat detrimental.

Yes, she was asked to kill the forces of darkness that were only supposed to exist inside monster movies. The Chosen One. There were lots of ways to paint it as a glamorous honor, but boiling it down, she just worked in the dark and had no time to socialize. She and the unlikely group of people had just stopped a 600-year-old master vampire from opening the Mouth of Hell underneath her feet, and bringing an apocalypse – she'd died for it briefly, so where was her bonus? Oh wait, she didn't get paid to begin with; but Giles, who was also her Watcher (an ominous title for 'trainer and mentor'), did. Go figure.

A selfless, heavy-on-the-responsibility job for a teenager that didn't offer a check? It was insane, but she had no choice. It was her destiny or some such thing, and she did it, however begrudgingly. Despite her traumatizing experience, she had to smirk at the destroyed state of the library, as well as the de-fleshed skeleton of her vanquished foe, lying where the table half-was and half-wasn't, with sharpened wood piercing where the heart would've been. Well, that's what happens when you go crashing through a skylight.

Time to party – the 'Post-Traumatic Stress' could kick in later. She turned to leave, when Cordelia came in the other side suddenly, and they sort of bumped into each other. The cheerleader didn't know the reason, but she had just suffered in the most horrific ordeal of her life, had spent her night with total freaks (not meaning the vampires and the three-headed thing that rose out of the floor), and she was in a good, almost pleasant mood. Even assisted a little. It was bizarre and unsettling...she wanted to be pissed.

If that wasn't shocking enough, the girl couldn't believe what she was about to do.

"You lose something?" Buffy asked, understandably stumped as to why the also cheerleader would set foot in here again. "Because if you did, it probably got sucked into Hell...and why is your car parked in the hallway?"

"Um, apparently, there were *vampires* in the parking lot." Cordelia told her, voice somehow still incredulous while being laced with sarcasm. "What was I supposed to do? Go all 'Horror Movie Victim' and run around like I have no brain?" Then she realized she had practically begged for a comeback. "Don't even think about it."

The slayer wasn't in the mood for barbs. "What? You're right – it was a dumb question."

"Good." The girl said, and then sighed. "Look, I didn't want anyone else to see, because I have a reputation to maintain, but I just...wanna say 'Thank You.' For what you did." She paused, with an expression near to admiration on her face. "I mean, dying so I could live to get a new car...cause my insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of Satan'...that's like, really selfless."

"The world kinda needed to be saved, too." Buffy smirked, though she surprised by the genuineness. "Besides, it's...what I do. Unfortunately."

"But you don't have to." Cordelia informed her, and then seemed a tad annoyed. "I'm showing you gratitude. So accept it...god." They both stood there not knowing what to say; she was sort of fidgeting, arguing with herself until the 'Bitch' in her gave, and she hugged the social reject. "If anybody finds out that this happened – "

"You'll tell the whole school I did Mr. Vermir in the passenger seat of a Beetle just to pass Geometry. And cause I have absolutely no self-respect, it was in his driveway with the door open...when his wife was home." Beating the 'World Class' insulter to the punch, made it easier to deal with the fact arms were around her. "Close?"

The cheerleader released her, pulling back and clearly blown away. "Damn – that's good. Maybe you actually were popular in some alternate universe."

Yeah, and it was hard to believe she'd been in that universe only six months ago, that she had been a version of the girl she was standing next to. Things seemed simpler then, but...besides the fact that bad guy after bad guy flocked to this misleading town, it wasn't all bad. She had good, if a teensy bit quirky, friends, whereas before, there were only followers; she wasn't that person anymore, even if she wanted to be. Cordelia was welcome to that life, however.

"You can use it if you want...on the condition that my name, Xander's name, and Willow's, isn't anywhere near it."

Kevin was a guy she was really starting to genuinely like and care about, who was slaughtered on school grounds by a group of vampires – she and Willow had found his body.

The slayer believed she should've stopped it, but there was no way to know. "I notice stuff; you guys were really cute together."

"Well...thanks." Cordelia said, not expecting that someone would take an interest in the details of her life unless she ordered them to. "And we were, weren't we?"

The girls smiled at one another, walking in silence until they pushed through the 'EXIT' doors at the end of the hall. "So what're you doing this summer?"

"My parents promised me that we're going to St. Croix...I need to get on those beaches, and I need to get the hell out of here." The cheerleader exhaled.

"Me too – s'why I'm going to stay with my dad in LA for quality 'Father-Daughter' time." She was looking forward to that; she just wanted to dodge horror for a little while. "Recouping'll do us good."

"While you're there," Cordelia began to comment, "you should go to a stylist. Do something different. Like dye it."

"You think?" Buffy questioned, touching her hair, giving it thought. She didn't know why she asked what she asked, next. "Do you like it? Being popular?"

'The Queen' mask dropped just a moment. "Sometimes." She paused, and when she spoke again, there was no edge. "Do you like being a superhuman freak?"

And sometimes, both had their downsides. Her first night in Los Angeles was when the nightmares started, which didn't stop; a little piece of her was scarred forever. Returning for the new school year, after taking Cordelia's advice, she had become a blonde – but she also came back showing off a not-so-pleasant side.

The cheerleader had spent the summer bored to tears in Tuscany, not St. Croix, and it wasn't just because her parents had forced art and architecture on her, instead of sand and waves.

Walking out of the club, Buffy felt satisfied. Well, satisfied in one area, at least. She had driven Angel crazy by dancing with Xander. She didn't know why she did it exactly, but part of the reason was because vampires weren't exactly her favorite demons right now. Dying could really screw with your mind. Especially when your death was at the hands of a vampire like the Master – she couldn't get his ugly face out of her head.

When she was gone, she didn't see a light at the end of the tunnel, or feel a comforting presence around her; it was dark, it was cold, and it was frightening. She didn't want to let anything get close enough to send her back there. Even Angel.

She spun out of control whenever he was around. When he kissed her, when he was near her...it was like magnetism, sexual and overwhelming. But when she was dancing with Xander, she had shown Angel that she could do all that, too; that she could be in control. She cared for the brooding, creature of the night, even loved him in a way. He had saved her life, and those feelings were bound to come up.

But she couldn't get lost in him, because then she'd fall hard without being sure of anything, he'd become the center of her world, and then she would never be over him. Love with a vampire was a dangerous mix, and she didn't want loving somebody to be dangerous. Though she knew, despite her efforts and probably her better judgment, things would happen contrary to her original plan. It always worked out that way.

It wasn't time for any of this now though, because she was confused, pissed off, and incredibly stimulated. She knew she was going to regret that dance from a friend standpoint later, but she was experiencing a whole different type of regret at the moment.

"Buffy." A voice said from behind her, and the slayer stopped walking – this wasn't going to help. "You're really campaigning for 'Bitch of the Year,' aren't you?"

Turning to Cordelia, she had a smartass reply ready, regardless of her other...'distractions.' "As defending champion, you nervous?"

"I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close, which is nice, cause I don't really like you that much, but...you have on occasion saved the world and stuff, so I'm gonna...do you a favor." The cheerleader offered.

It was amazing how quickly Cordelia could bore her. Though she did look good. That was one thing the girl could consistently maintain.

"Whatever's causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it." Cordelia elaborated. "Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now."

Buffy stepped up to her, clearly displaying her anger. "I think it's about time you start minding your own business."

What was this? A clique cease-fire or something? The Queen of All Things Popular was expecting the Leader of the Freak Patrol to accept the white flag? She couldn't believe it. Cordelia's timing was really, really bad; she felt like telling her to take her good advice and shove it up her...but she did have nice lips. Damn hormones. Lips that were nice and...

She stared at her, like she had done with Xander moments ago. Intensely. Pulling off 'sexy' was easy, she was finding out, and it was making the prey uncomfortable. She only wanted her silent, but this was great. Where did the snob get the nerve after all she had done to them, anyway? Especially now of all times? Talk about insensitive. She'd just have to put her in her place, starting with running her hand along her cheek.

She kissed Cordelia Chase, and went all out for it, too. Long and hard, possibly longer than she intended, but then broke it off. The sudden loss of contact caused the brunette to let out a small, inaudible to the majority of human beings who didn't have slayer hearing, whimper.

The cheerleader, on the other hand, brought her hand to her lips, felt the smudged lipstick, and tried to get her bearings. "What the hell was that?"

"Consider it...returning the favor. A 'thank you' for your advice." Buffy flipped up the hood of her jacket, and kept going.

Before the frazzled girl could yell any kind of response, a hand was clamped over her mouth, and two vampires were dragging her across the alley into a building.

This was great. This was just perfect. The Anointed One and his group of vampire cronies had unearthed the Master's bones and were going to bring him back to unlife. As if she wasn't freaking out enough already. He would come back, which was not fair and very, very wrong, and he would make sure the next time he killed her, it'd be a lot more permanent.

She needed to stop them, needed to hit something. And sitting in the library while everyone was being calm and researching this slowly and carefully, made her want to scream. Her fear of the Master had taken over so much that she was only partially aware that she was a step or two away from losing her friends, and the only support base she had.

Cordelia was right. Cordelia who she hadn't seen since last night – that memory was not fading. But just like everything else lately, Buffy didn't know what to make of it, and preferred not to think about it. She did wonder what was going through the cheerleader's mind, however. Wait...hadn't seen her since last night? Hadn't she been in school?

"Well, is there anything on when the ceremony might take...?" A rock came crashing through the window, which Xander dodged, but Buffy caught it easily from her spot on the table. "Whoa!"

The slayer saw a piece of paper on it, which was held in place by a nice-looking bracelet. "This is Cordelia's." She removed the jewelry and began to read. "'Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal.'"

(Why? Her rational side wondered.
Cause we're friends. And it's my job. Her bull...her less than truthful side answered.
You're friends? When did this happen? I think you – )

"They're gonna cook her dinner?" Xander asked in a worried tone, halting the internal discussion. The gang stared at him. "I'll pretend I didn't say that."

Buffy exhaled and hopped off the table. "I go to the Bronze and save the day." She started for the doors.

(You're not handling this right. Her rational side argued, starting again.
It's for their own good. Her not so rational side chipped in.
Where do you get off making that decision?
My screw up, my problem. I'm not putting them in danger.)

"I can't do it anymore; I can't look after the three of you guys while I'm fighting."

Willow wasn't normally one for sarcasm, but it was appropriate here. "The part that says, 'P.S. This is a trap'?"

"You'll be playing straight into their hands." The librarian said, removing his glasses.

"She's *not* dead. Don't say that; she'll be fine." The blonde stared hard at each of them. "This is my fight."

"It's entirely pointy. I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal danger on the second day of school." Buffy was telling her watcher the next morning as they walked through the quad.

She had indeed saved the day; everyone was rescued. And there was that part where she smashed the Master's bones with a sledgehammer, thereby getting closure and allowing herself to release a summer's worth of pent up emotion, crying into Angel's chest with everyone watching – quite the spectacle. This thing with him wasn't going away.

"What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?" Giles asked her.

He smiled at her. "Buffy, you acted wrongly; I admit that. But believe me, that was hardly the-the worst mistake you'll ever make." He had to think about that. "Uh, that wasn't quite as comforting as it was meant to be."

"Well, points for effort." She gave him a tiny smile as the bell rang. "See ya."

Then she saw Cordelia walking with Miss Calendar. The thing with her wasn't going away, either, and she had to say something. After the cleansing, the guilt and realization of what she'd done to everybody hit her, making her feel terrible. She had been a royal bitch, and Cordelia was Number 1 on her guilt list. They hadn't spoken, but were going to now.

She grabbed the cheerleader by the arm and dragged her over to a quiet corner of the quad. It wasn't the most polite way to go about it, but it was the only way she'd ever get her attention.

"Hey! Enough with the manhandling." Cordelia wrenched her arm free. "I'm gonna be late for class."

"Since when did you start caring about being punctual?" The slayer asked, skeptically.

"Wait. Please." Buffy requested – Cordelia didn't know why she stopped, but she did. "I just wanted to say that, I'm...sorry. For *everything*."

"Keep your voice down!" The brunette snapped. "I'm trying to block it out, so could you please not mention it? Ever?"

But she wanted to clear the air. "I don't normally...I'm not usually like that. I wasn't thinking straight and I – "

"Was horny?" Cordelia cut to the chase, which made Buffy flush. "It's weird, but I get it. Cause if I was drowned by a way-too-old, deformed vampire in serious need of reconstructive surgery – who almost came back to try it *again* – I'd probably become a crazed slut, too."

The blonde scowled, but the anger didn't reach the hazel. "It's always about you, isn't it?"

"Who else?" The guilt-ridden girl began to open her mouth, but the brunette wanted to continue speaking. "Don't. You're forgiven. Let's just show a little maturity...and move past this. As long as we have a mutual understanding, I don't see any reason why – "

"You didn't like it?" Buffy's 'confidence level' was dropping, but she had no idea how come.

Lie or be honest? Cordelia was usually good at lying, but Buffy could read people, was trained to. At least that was her assumption, so there was no other choice.

"No, I did. That's why I'm trying to forget it, okay?" She revealed, and the slayer was pleased. "So you're done being 'Miss Sexual Predator,' and you're sorry. Got it; now I'm going." Though determined to head inside, she turned around with a sigh as her name was called. "What?"

The cheerleader didn't want to smile at her, but did anyway and continued walking, an inner-dialogue in progress:

Cordelia moved through the lunch-line slowly, as she had to inspect every offered food-like product cautiously and carefully, before she could decide whether or not she wanted to risk her life and actually eat it. But it had nothing to do with her figure; she wasn't one of those girls who stuck to salads and emptied her stomach after every meal. Though she knew people who did, and it was disturbing.

She made her selection, went to the cash register, paid the buck sixty, and scanned the cafeteria. It was pathetic when the only thing that looked remotely appetizing was two-day old pizza. There they were – the trio. Xander, Willow, and...Buffy. It was one damn kiss, but she couldn't let go of it. And dropping people like bad habits was supposed to be her specialty, something she had no trouble doing. Only, those people were guys, not...

It wasn't like they'd done anything else, except it kept nagging at her. Staying in her memory for more than five minutes. No one had ever accomplished that before. The thing was, it didn't make any sense – she didn't like her. Then again, Buffy did continually save her life, which made it harder and harder to hate. Could she have grown and not known it? Just the other week, she had been rescued from a reanimated Daryl. Who told the slayer she wanted to be saved?

Well, fine, she kind of did when she was screaming, yet that was entirely beside the point.

There was *brief* physical contact, okay...so what? She didn't even know who Buffy was, not really. Maybe she wanted to know her, though. She did see herself in the other girl, yet unlike her, Buffy was comfortable with her place in high school. Cordelia wished she could be, but the possibility of becoming an outcast scared her too much – she didn't want to think she was shallow, however. All of her 'friends' were sheep; she wasn't stupid.

She was different, but couldn't escape; popularity was too cushy. When she hung around with 'the gang' on rare occasions, she felt a part of something. If she researched, she had a purpose. Everyone thought it was just charitable, pity time, and she allowed them to believe that. Illusion was easier than reality, and the reality was, things were crossing her mind that she hadn't ever expected would.

Purely for argument's sake, because she was someone who looked at all sides of an issue, if she were willing to give up her social standing to turn alternative and risk everything for Buffy, which she wasn't, the blonde was all over Angel, who didn't glance at her with interest once. That was simply wrong. Though she did see why Buffy was all he seemed to be able to think about – she seemed to be doing the same thing. Still, there was an upside.

Oh, and what ticked her off the most? Buffy was sitting there at the table, completely fine and not bothered. Even after she went out of her way to try and use Angel to make her jealous during the 'Daryl thing.' Total failures made her mad. That was why she was going to head over, sit down, and see if the slayer was the least bit shaken up. Then, moving in the appropriate direction, she silently asked herself why she cared.

By the time she considered changing her mind, however, it was too late – she'd been spotted.

"Been forced to do hard labor with Sheila the Schitzo, huh? Snyder must like, fantasize about you two or something: 'I have no sex appeal because I've got a giant head that's too big for my little body, so I'll just be a humongous perv.'" Cordelia parked herself down in the free seat.

"Explains a lot, but...yeeew." Buffy made a face. "And I think Sheila's more psycho than schitzo. Doesn't mean I'm in a hurry to get back, though. Nope, gonna make lunch stretch for as long as possible."

Buffy slowly nodded her head. "Yeah...so...how come you aren't with your groupies?"

Cordelia narrowed her eyes. "They cut last period cause some store in the mall is having a sale, I think. I don't know; I wasn't listening."

"Oh please." The brunette was disgusted. "I order direct from the catalogs, or I go out of town to a place with class."

Cordelia looked at the shorter girl's tray. "You got fries? They were out when I went up."

It was at about this point, as Cordelia started snagging, that Willow and Xander reminded the two girls that they were still there, clearing their throats.

"Buff, the enemy's at the table. The *Enemy*." Xander said, concerned about his friend's...lack of concern.

"It's called, 'Keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.'" Cordelia addressed him. "Valid strategy, Harris – look it up."

"Actually, it's from The Godfather movies." Willow pointed out. "You could still look it up, though. With the fast-forward and rewind buttons and all."

"Cordelia can quote the greatest films of our time? No...no, this isn't right at all." He was rather unnerved. "I'm just gonna continue with the quiet plotting of your death."

"Uh, the guys are gonna make stakes tomorrow before the Parent-Teacher Night of Hell, cause there's some big vampire attack happening on Saturday...Night of St. Vegetable, and...do you maybe wanna help?" Buffy asked, almost shyly.

"So what did you and Principal Snyder talk about, anyway?" Buffy asked her mother as they walked outside of the school.

What a night. What a way to narrowly avoid Joyce seeing what she did for a living. Spike, the new vampire in town, chose not to wait until Saturday to attempt to kill her, attacking the school during the parent-teacher conferences. Couldn't he have attacked a few minutes before Snyder went into share-mode with her mother? The troll put his own spin on her behavior, and now she prepared herself for the incoming tirade. It wasn't fair – something told her she was going to come to despise Spike with a passion. Her friends were safe, so that was good, but her parent had saved her.

"Principal Snyder said you were a troublemaker." Joyce answered, watching her daughter hang her head. "And I could care less." The teen looked up at this. "I have a daughter who can take care of herself. Who's brave and resourceful and thinks of others in a crisis. No matter who you hang out with or what dumb teenage stuff you think you need to do, I'm gonna sleep better knowing all that."

The slayer wore a suspicious expression on her face. "But how long till this wears off and you start ragging on me again?"

She wanted to question how she had managed to keep her freedom, but decided not to look a gift slaying in the mouth. Maybe Spike deserved a 'Thank you' card instead of an ass kicking. All in all, then, it had turned out well. Giles and Miss Calendar got the majority of the people to safety, Xander and Angel bonded...err, perhaps 'bonded' was the wrong word.

Hold up – how come it felt like something was missing? She halted, going over the night's events in her head, and then frowning. "Crap."

Like Cordelia and Willow. They had run out of the lounge, gotten separated, and she hadn't seen them come out. Which meant they had to be in the building, still. Alone and possibly dead. Not necessarily because of vampires, either. This was bad, very bad.

She went into the school, careful to stay out of sight of the cops, who were clearing out. They probably wanted to do the protocol stuff when it was a little lighter, and she didn't blame them. Entering the lounge she saw a chalk outline on the floor; silently apologizing to whoever the victim had been, she resumed her search, her head swarming with thoughts.

All right, this was the bizarre thing she was discovering – Cordelia was an actual, human person. With a lot more happening below the surface than she'd ever show people. The cheerleader could be sensitive as well as polite, as was evidenced by their cafeteria discussion. It was occupying her, too. Good...she didn't like being the lone wolf.

Her aversion to Cordelia had come about because she was following everyone else's example, but she really hadn't shown any outright malice towards her. Well, until that night, and they both knew how that had ended. The girl had a strength and resilience Buffy didn't think she was even aware of, which sort of made her want to get to know the real person – to see what else was hidden.

But what would result from that? They'd talk for a while, then eventually *it* would have to be dealt with. When that time came, would they act on...whatever might have developed? She had definite ideas as to where they could lean, though she couldn't visualize that ever happening. Even if feelings were to mesh. This was high school – there were invisible boundaries and unstated rules to be obeyed.

If they weren't, which they would be, Buffy suspected that there'd be the initial struggle to deal on a family and friends level, and they'd be faced with the wider circle of their peers, who would start the ridiculing. It wasn't like she had a problem with that, though; if happiness was at the finish line, it didn't matter. However, that was one of many paths, and also the most blocked off.

Then there was Angel. She had to pick a stance where he was concerned. He did have a talent for making her swoon, but swooning never lasted; she usually fell flat on her face. She was grateful for his presence in her life, him watching her back and all that, and the hardest thing was that she knew he loved her. There was a time when she could've broken hearts with ease, but that time was long gone.

Cordelia didn't make her swoon or gush, no. Cordelia...well, she wasn't exactly sure. And maybe not knowing was a good thing. Whatever the brunette did, the bottom line was this: she had two, potential, romantic interests (she thought she was brave for just thinking it), and she had to choose and stick with a course of action. Soon. But none of her reflections changed the fact that Cordelia eating her fries was adorable.

Buffy was about to call out when she heard voices down the hall. The closer she got, the clearer they sounded, and she could tell they were coming from inside the janitor's closet.

"And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless they *really* deserve it. Or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible – " Cordelia was saying.

"And can you please send some asp..." There was a pause before the cheerleader's exclamation of, "Hey!"

"As houses. Vamps cleared out, but Spike's still...un-alive." The slayer told them, trying hard not to get too angry over that.

"As if. It's just now I won't feel bad about screaming at you for not coming to get us sooner!" The cheerleader was steamed. "Do you have any idea what I went through?"

The redhead stifled a groan. "I have to get out of here; I can't take it anymore. I try, I really do, but every single time it's..." She continued babbling to herself as she quickly made her way to the outside world, with the other two watching.

Then, after a beat, as if nothing had happened, "Nice dress." The blonde complimented Cordelia, because she'd been meaning to do it all night.

"I don't try; it comes naturally." Cordelia claimed, smiling enigmatically. "If they didn't make it so easy..."

"As the Ruler of Loserdom, guess that's my fault." Buffy deduced with a roll of her eyes.

"Nah, they were easy long before you came. And anyway, you're not the Ruler of Loserdom; you're the Rejected Stepsister of the Princess of Loserdom. Which is, believe it or not, that girl that's on Ritalin," The cheerleader made quote marks with her fingers, "in the back of History class."

The slayer chuckled and mock-bowed. "I stand corrected, Your Majesty." She was smacked for it. "All I'm doing is showing the Queen some respect."

"Well stop – cause I don't deserve it." Cordelia quietly said. When they got to the doors, the conversation de-lulled. "We're not...um, enemies, you know that, right?"

"Yesterday; that 'keeping enemies closer' thing. I just wanted them to shut up about me being there." Came the annoyed, popular girl's explanation. "Didn't work."

Buffy was now left with a question that needed to be asked. "Why'd you sit with us at all?"

Cordelia stretched her arms behind her back with a sigh. "Honestly? I don't have the energy right now. And even if I did..."

"It was a long night." Buffy spoke, reassuringly. "If it's any consolation though, I think we're in the same boat here." They shared a smile. "You need a ride? My mom could drop you off."

"I'm glad you're not dead, by the way." The blonde didn't want to forget to mention that.

"Me too." Cordelia agreed, which triggered a look of incredulity from her companion. "And that you're still living, obviously."

She knew bits and pieces, but not the big picture that was Cordelia Chase. She was intrigued by that day in and day out lately. "Night, Cordy." They split up, going off in different directions, and she shouted over her shoulder, "Call me."

Slowly bringing her foot over the sill of her bedroom window, Buffy quietly entered her house after an extended patrol. Reaching out and grabbing her bag of supplies from where she'd hooked it on the tree branch, she brought it inside, breathing a sigh of relief. When the vampires were track team stars in life, it made her job substantially harder, and left her winded beyond belief.

Closing the window, she glanced at her clock. Just after 1:00. Meant she'd have to shower before school unless she wanted her mother up asking her an endless string of questions (that would finish with a grounding). She'd rather not have that happen, but it was a shame, because she smelled extra stinky tonight. She took off her jacket and threw it on her chair, when the phone began ringing.

Correction – it was half a ring. The instant she heard the noise, she shot over to the phone and picked it up so fast she'd have given the Speed of Light a run for its money.

They had conversed almost nightly for the past two weeks, so hearing her voice wasn't exactly a surprise, but she had never called this late. Staring at her door in fear, if it were possible, she would've reached into the receiver and strangled the brunette. Her mother was a dangerous woman, and not very forgiving about curfew breakage. Especially if she was awoken in the middle of the night.

"Are you trying to get me locked...?" Buffy yawned, and her anger dissipated. "What figures?" She kept her voice low while taking off her shoes.

"That the exchange student you end up with is a five-hundred-year-old mummy." Cordelia continued. "It's like Fate has it in for you twenty-four-seven."

"Do I hafta tell you how much that *didn't* brighten my mood?" The blonde grumbled. "Besides, that was what? A week ago?"

"Popped into my head. I knew the graveyard shift was probably over by now, seeing as you have no social life, so I thought I'd share." The cheerleader was grinning on the other end.

Buffy went to her dresser, swiftly returning the verbal serve. "Don't make me bring up your one hundred percent, Swedish guy." She could picture the scowl.

"Uh huh. My parents went to one of their weekly, 'We can show off how rich we are' parties, and I didn't feel like going." The brunette answered.

Looking through her clothes, the slayer cringed at just how dated they were becoming. "Why not?"

"And waste my best, fake smiles on fat guys and their anorexic wives? No thank you. I'm not *that* stuck up." Cordelia defended herself.

"I didn't mean..." Buffy looked at the tank top she had pulled out. "I know you aren't."

"Anyway, it's pretty much guaranteed that my father's gonna get loaded, and my mother doesn't drive, so I'm waiting for her to call and tell me to come get them." The cheerleader exhaled into the phone. "God, I can see the bags already."

"Investing. My grandfather was rich cause of an oil well somewhere, and we inherited everything when he and Nana died. One day I swear we're gonna pick the wrong stock or whatever." Cordelia feared that often. "What about yours?"

"I think...something with numbers." Buffy heard the laugh as she was getting changed. "Yeah, no idea. Which is sad, because I spent an entire summer with him. We're not as close as we used to be." She admitted.

"It had to be tough." The brunette couldn't imagine it being easy. "The divorce, I mean."

"Worse. Cause unlike most kids who only *think* they had something to do with their parents splitting up, I *know* I helped it to happen." Buffy brought her mood down another notch.

"I'm sure you didn't." Cordelia tried to be comforting, and was met with silence. "I've never been close to mine. They gave me a credit card when I was eight, bought me what I wanted, but affection? Don't think so. Only I didn't realize I was missing out – money means love in my family."

"I've been there." The slayer told her, sadly. "My mom didn't start 'parenting' till we moved here. She reads 'How To' books."

"Am I the only one getting depressed?" The cheerleader questioned after a moment.

"As in, right this second? Getting comfy in bed." There was no response. "Cordy?"

"I've been changing." Again, no response, and the blonde had to grin. "You alive over there?" Slight pause. "Seriously, are you?"

"What? Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" Cordelia queried as though she had just been very out of it. "I...I wanted to ask for a favor. See, I met this guy at the Pump yesterday; he's a senior at Crestwood, and he, um...invited me to a party tomorrow night. At his fraternity."

"A frat guy?" Buffy said too loud, finishing with a squeak. 'Don't be jealous...don't be jealous...' "Not that that's a problem or anything...just...what's this have to do with me?"

"I'm allowed to bring, and I quote, 'A female guest.'" The prom queen elaborated. "I want you to come with me, cause I've never...and you know, what if...?"

Joyce came in to the room, then. "Buffy?" Her mother saw her lying in bed, phone in her hand. "It's late; who're you talking to?"

"Um, Cordelia." Buffy figured honesty was the way to go. "I, uh, couldn't sleep, and we have a project to do for, uh, a class that we're in, so I thought we should...discuss it?"

The woman was momentarily speechless. "Well...say good night in a few minutes. You have school in the morning."

With that she left, leaving the younger girl unable to decide whether to laugh or groan.

The cheerleader was laughing for her. "Wow, you're lucky she was half-asleep, because that was easily the lamest cover story ever." The blonde narrowed her eyes. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

Buffy quickly smiled. "I should tell you to go to hell, but yes, I'll go...you're too attractive to die."

"Thank you! I've been saying that for a year now – nice to know someone was paying attention."

Both girls stayed on the phone for another, thirty minutes; the sound of breathing during the silences was just as comforting as the pointless chatter about nothing.

Eyes glued to the creature, the slayer had to recap. She and Cordelia had come to the Zeta Kappa house, where the cheerleader found the guy she'd met before, Richard. It started out all right, until Buffy had to watch them dance. She didn't particularly enjoy the view all that much. Truth be told, she hated the view; she had wanted to be blind.

This caused her to drink a little, which hadn't been the brightest idea. Fortunately...no, that was unfortunately now, another frat brother had come up to her, introducing himself as Tom Warner. Then he sweet-talked her into dancing with him. It made her feel better, because she didn't have to watch Cordelia any longer.

After that point, things had become blurry. Why? Because her drink had been drugged, and they'd apparently gotten Cordelia the same way. Together, the naïve teenagers were taken down to the basement – a big, cave-like area for ritual sacrifices to a snake-god named Machida. Human girl sacrifices, to be precise.

They were chained up next to another girl, viewing helplessly as the frat boys/psycho cultists called Machida to dinner. So that it could give them more wealth and power, and surprise, Tom had been nominated the evil leader. Buffy knew that some minor intoxication was the most likely cause for her slayer senses fouling up, but she preferred to point fingers at his imaginary, hypnotist powers.

"No woman speaks to him!" Tom warned her, holding a sword, decked out in his cult robe.

"You don't want her. Look at her – she's all skin and bones." Buffy was trying to dissuade the demon while struggling to get free. "Half an hour later you'll be hungry."

"If I didn't depend on you to get me the hell out of here, I'd be so – " The brunette began to say, knowing she was the first course.

Cordelia smiled, and did her best to whisper. "Since we're having 'special bondage time,' I've been thinking – it's not like I had much of a choice." The slayer coughed at the unique wording. "And because I'm about to die, it all makes sense now." She was pissed. "I hate the universe. But hey, isn't there a name for...? Moment of clarity! That's it, right?" 'Shut up' was being mouthed to her, as now wasn't the time for a revelation, but she wasn't comprehending. "Doesn't matter; this is the important part, anyway. I have an idea about how we should start to handle this...thing. You know, this *thing*. I can do denial if I have to, but if we live through this – "

"His hunger is at its greatest!" Tom turned around, and Cordelia got quiet. Two brothers then unchained and held her, just hearing the noise. "Something's going on upstairs. Go. Go!" Several men ran up, while Buffy continued to work on breaking her chains. "Feed, Dark Lord!"

Machida rose above Cordelia, and she screamed at it, desperately trying to escape her bonds. Buffy tugged hard at hers one, final time, and they snapped loose from the ceiling. Stepping over to Machida, who had lowered to grab his meal, she punched him. The creature reeled, holding the side of his face, and she started fighting as Tom took a swing at her with his sword.

"You bitch! I'll serve you to him in pieces." He angrily promised, lunging forward.

She caught the blade in between a gap of her chains, looped them around his neck, and choked. "Tom, you talk too much." She shoved him into a table.

Machida was dragging the cheerleader, as the gang, led by Giles and Angel, descended the stairs. The vampire had discovered a bracelet with blood on it near the south wall of the cemetery, and the college happened to be behind it. When he went to the school looking for Buffy, Willow told him where she was. The librarian hadn't been too happy about it.

Xander was already there, having gone to protect her. He had an...interesting time.

Sooner or later they'd figured it out, so here they were, watching Buffy pick up Tom's sword and jump onto the edge of the well that the snake had exited from. "Let her go, wormy!"

It ignored her, so she lifted and drove the weapon into it. Machida dropped his prize and reared back, screeching in pain, before collapsing dead to the ground. Willow came off the steps, going to assist the other girl, and Buffy assisted Cordelia.

"I was right – Fate has it in for you." The brunette said, brushing herself off. "But that's okay; at least your life's not dull."

"Yeah, and be glad a small part of me likes you, too," Cordelia informed her, "or I'd never take you anywhere again."

"This isn't the time to get technical, Buffy." The cheerleader sighed, exasperated. "People'll really do anything to get rich, won't they?"

"But luckily, you're one of the privileged few. You don't need to feed a demon man-snake to avoid welfare." Buffy's attempt at humor was frowned upon slightly, and she felt like an idiot. "Sorry, Cordy. I wasn't...I was just kidding."

"Have a nice night, ladies?" Xander asked, coming over after looking down at the snake and grimacing.

He laughed nervously. "Did somebody hit the sauce? We all know men don't wear makeup. Come on, think of the craziness! Society would crumble!"

"Yep, completely unscathed. But could you spare us the 'Irresponsibility' speech? We've so learned our lesson; you don't have to worry, college can wait." His charge told him.

The slayer looked to their fellow ex-prisoner, who was supported by Willow. "I'm sure she's got people wondering where she is."

"And I'll make sure the police get him." Angel grabbed Tom by the collar on his robe.

The cheerleader tried not to see the grateful smile the blonde gave him. "They better put him away...for fifteen-thousand years!" Then a light bulb went off. "That reminds me. My idea."

"If? *If*?" Buffy repeated the brunette's crucial, earlier word. "There was doubt?" She huffed, which properly shamed her. "And what was with, 'special bondage time'?"

Gape. "There's no way I'm answering that." Cordelia gripped the slayer's arm a might possessively, and began dragging her upstairs. "Enjoy the gutter?"

The redhead stared after them, her expression perplexed – there was something she didn't know.

Halloween – a time of costumes, candy, and principal-enforced trick-or-treating. The gang was among the many number of students 'asked' to chaperone groups of little kids who wanted the townspeople to give them candy. Buffy was getting ready in her room, putting on the earrings that would complete the 17^th century gown and black wig ensemble that she had purchased from a new costume shop, Ethan's.

Her friends had gotten their costumes from there, too. Willow picked a ghost outfit, and Xander, a toy gun, having military fatigues at home. Well, not all of her friends had – Cordelia bought a cat outfit from PartyTown. She hadn't seen it yet, but the cheerleader made sure to describe it in very detailed terms on the phone. If she didn't know better, she would've thought Cordelia was flirting with her, but she didn't say anything.

She was just going to go along with her idea, and in the meantime, she wasn't going to picture the brunette in a skin-tight, cat suit. Right now, they were friends; that had certainly been achieved.

Willow was changing in the bathroom, currently. After the redhead had gotten the ghost, Buffy had a flash of inspiration. She took her to another place and made her choose something that would reveal just how appealing her figure could be. The hacker was not ugly, and the slayer thought it was time she knew that. She'd have people lining up if she just had a little self-confidence.

While there was more to a person than a body, once someone was okay with him or herself physically, everything else would fall into place. That was her theory anyway, and what she hoped she could show Willow.

"Um...all we had planned was eating the candy that's downstairs, and...I heard vampires don't like chocolate?" The slayer waited. "You're not buying it, are you?"

Buffy resigned to fate; it was bound to happen. Telling somebody was the next step, and since they were cautiously moving out of Denial Land, who was better than her best friend?

Willow opened the door and rushed out, shaking her finger. "I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know."

Wearing boots, a short, black leather skirt and a burgundy, long-sleeved, V-necked, midriff-baring top, the redhead quickly grabbed her ghost sheet off of the bed and held it in front of her. "Don't change the subject, Buffy." She was stern. "It won't work."

"See? More confident already." The resolve face was staring at the blonde. "You're right. And I'm gonna tell you, but you have to promise not to freak." Willow nodded her consent. "I...I like her; I'm just not sure – "

"Cordelia? Like?" The hacker couldn't believe her voice was saying that. "No, those words hate each other."

A brief synopsis of the past couple months was presented, which left her friend, slack-jawed. "Whaddaya think?"

"I think I, uh...n-need to sit." So the redhead sat on the bed. "Cordelia. Cordelia? That's like, against all rational laws of the world. It's not just irrational, it's super irrational."

"I know, believe me. But...I don't know." Buffy was struggling to explain. "She's...there's more to her than she lets on."

"Will..." Apparently sixteen years of loathing was difficult to break through. "We talk almost every night. For hours, sometimes. About personal stuff. I was just like her once – nastier even, but somewhere, I did have layers. Why can't she?"

"Because she's Cordelia. She's mean, she's rude, and-and she's evil." The hacker had a whole list of reasons. "Right hand of the Devil...maybe both hands."

"She's just...defensive. And afraid." The slayer wanted to convince her, sighing. "Hasn't she been nicer lately?"

"Well, she doesn't really make fun of Xander like she used to...and when she does, they're not..." Willow gasped. "How much do you like her? How much does she like you?"

"Working on that." Buffy paused. "Listen, Xander's told me about the club. He was even willing to cut me a deal on the membership fee. I understand that she's not your favorite person, I do."

The redhead's eyes had bugged out. "Does that mean that you're...? And that she could be...? Cordelia? I'm not saying I'm against it...because I'm so not...that's wrong and narrow-minded and if you are...then that's great. Really great. 'Yay' great...don't worry, I'll-I'll still be your friend and all, cause I wouldn't...you know, just because. I mean, I've heard stuff, read stuff...I even wa-watched a documentary once. With a little bunny in the corner." Her babble came to a stop.

"No...I mean, yes, you should've. You shouldn't keep secrets; I'm glad you told me, honest. It's just...a lot, you know?" The hacker told her. "What if Cordelia's lying to you? She's the master at manipulating people. And humiliating people. Nobody beats her."

"At the frat house, you wouldn't believe how jealous I got when I saw her dancing with somebody." Buffy said, her tone not at all a joking one.

"Hundreds. And blood pressure? Through the roof – wasn't healthy." The slayer was only half-serious there. "She said it was the same way for her...seeing me; I knew she meant it." She spilled to her friend. "Till we figure out how far this thing with us goes, feelings-wise, we're staying dateless. Came to her while we were waiting to be demon chow; it was a big moment."

"That was the idea? That you guys shouldn't date anyone so you won't get all Green-Eyed Monster-y?" Willow had to smirk.

"Think about it, Will." Buffy adjusted her wig. "Cordelia not having a guy attached at the hip? For her, that's a huge deal."

"She needs to be totally doubt-free though, and I get that." The blonde understood what a relationship would mean. "If she decides she...loves me," Hearing that out loud was strange for both girls, "it means she pretty much ceases to be popular. On tons of levels, and it's hard to let go of. I'm just as clueless right now, but loving Cordelia is sounding less and less like a bad. Which is why, until I'm non-doubting, I'm not gonna lead Angel on."

"Cool!" Buffy exclaimed. "I can't wait for the boys to go non-verbal when they see you!"

"Gimmie time, okay, Buffy?" The redhead requested. "But I hope that you and...that it goes whatever way'll make you happy."

"We found this address, we checked it out with Xander, and it turned out – " Angel was telling Buffy as she sat at her dining room table.

"And Xander?" She interrupted, almost finding it funny. "Wow. Everybody's in. It's like a great, big, exciting conspiracy."

"I'm talking about the people I trust – who's Druscilla?" The souled vampire lowered his eyes. "And don't lie to me. I'm tired of it."

"Sometimes the truth is worse." He knew that by now. "You live long enough, you find that out."

That blindsided her. Angel had never been that direct in the whole time she'd known him. Yet as they talked now, she was starting to realize that she hadn't ever *really* known him.

As she was contemplating the answer, one face surfaced in her mind – Cordelia's. 'Betrayal' wasn't the first word she thought of with her. No, Cordelia had been brutally honest with her on a wide range of subjects. Unlike some people, and there was still doubt. Lots of it.

"I don't know." She told him truthfully, which was more than he was doing at the moment.

How did they get here? Everything had been fine. Halloween went by, taking all of the evil, Chaos sorcerers and costumed insanity with it. Well, there was only one Chaos sorcerer according to Giles (who'd been strangely cryptic), but that was a technicality. She wasn't embellishing; that was what was important. It had been insanity, and she'd become one of her meek ancestors. Anyhow, it gave way to a relatively calm week and a half, and breaks were always good.

She had used it to go shopping with Cordelia, begging Willow to come along. It took a few minutes of coaxing – with promises of a barb-free couple of hours – but her best friend went. The redhead had been slightly uncomfortable, and no big leaps were made, but there was progress. The cheerleader had taken a while to get used to the fact that someone else was in on their secret, but she came to terms with it, even buying Willow a shirt as a sort of peace offering. Whether or not it would be worn, was a different story.

While she was out on patrol the other night though, she had happened to see Angel talking to a woman in the park. That woman was Druscilla, whom she now knew was a vampire, as well as Spike's girlfriend. At the time it had only given her the creeps, and she hadn't thought much of it until Giles told her what Druscilla was. So she asked herself why he would be hanging with the enemy, but a satisfactory explanation eluded her.

Then when she asked him what he'd been doing when she saw him the following night, he had lied to her, saying he'd been reading at home.

On top of that, an old friend of hers from Hemry had transferred to Sunnydale – Billy Fordham. Was nice to see him. Memories of her previous life came flooding back to haunt her, but it was. Cordelia immediately gave him the evil eye, and again, Buffy found her cute, quickly assuring that the agreement was still in effect. He wasn't a threat in the romantic sense.

Angel, however, had taken his jealousy to the extreme. He had shown up at the back door just minutes ago, and they'd come in here, where he began telling her that he'd had Willow search Ford's personal records. Also, they'd gone to an address with Xander that somehow proved Ford was evil. The vampire was being a tad overprotective, and shakily walking the 'obsessive' line. Buffy didn't know whether to call that 'Strike Three' or not, because he could be right, but it was the principle of the thing.

"I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire." He turned away from her. "Druscilla was the worst. She was...an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste..."

"First I made her insane." He turned back to look at her. "Killed everybody she
loved; visited every mental torture on her I could devise." Buffy looked down. "She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon."

She stared him in the eye, trying to see the monster that could do that. But he was different now, wasn't he? She pictured people getting slaughtered, a girl slowly crumbling away...all made possible by Angel. Or his demon. And she couldn't. There was that danger she'd been so scared of, which existed within him. She felt sick, and as much as she knew he had a soul, hearing that straight from his mouth, in that instant, she couldn't do it.

"Ford's part of some society that reveres vampires." He returned to the reason he'd come in the first place. "Practically worships them. I don't know what he wants from you, but you can't trust him."

It hurt him, and she was sorry for that, but at least now she was sure of something. They wouldn't have to wonder or tiptoe around the issue anymore, waiting for the other to bring it up, and it was better this way – for both of them. Could they be friends? Time would tell, she guessed. What she had to do now was figure out where Cordelia fit in, after she dealt with an old friend.

She didn't know it then, but Ford wanted to live forever. Except all he did was die, and she was forced to kill the monster wearing his face. Why couldn't things ever be simple?

Cordelia was lounging on the plush sofa in her house, watching some movie on the big screen TV. She wasn't really focused on it, wasn't really focused on anything. Every time she came home from school lately, she'd look around at everything she had, and it lost more meaning to her; truthfully, it'd never had any. She had outfits and jewelry she hadn't touched in a year because the style had passed, or she had gotten a ring that had more carets than the last one. Objects were dollar signs that she held no attachment to.

She had what most people in her parents income bracket would call 'junk.' Expensive junk, but junk nonetheless. Any other person would thank their lucky stars to have what she did, and it was inevitable that she would question her life as she thought about that. People would love to be in her shoes, and she didn't appreciate it, she couldn't.

It felt false anymore; all of it fading away and losing color. She still cared about what she wore, but didn't at the same time. It was like she was a robot just following a pre-programmed set of instructions – she had a certain amount of cash in her bank account? Okay, then she had to act this way or buy that. It was hollow, but she was still trying to latch onto what she was used to, like an addiction. But as she should've anticipated, it was slowly but surely, slipping from her grasp.

She was spending more and more time with Buffy in school, a public place. Having conversations with her openly, and sometimes even with Willow. She was breaking the rules where everyone could see, but while she was actively doing it, she didn't notice – Buffy had that effect on her. It was only when she was alone, like now, that she could fully reflect on what she'd done, and how many rungs on the ladder she'd fallen. It was getting worse every day; her sway was lessening. Her group was starting to listen to Harmony.

When she, Buffy and Willow had gone shopping, she had intelligently chosen to drive to an upscale place in LA, where she didn't think anyone in 'The Circle' would go. Most of the girls', 'I'm wealthy, accept me' attitudes were just for show, anyway; she kept them around mainly to brag about herself. They weren't that well off, so the brunette didn't think they'd be able to afford anything where she'd gone. And she was the only one among them who had a car.

Well, that wasn't true any longer – Harmony had recently gotten a vehicle. The girl could now go anywhere she wanted, so she was complaining about how pitiful Sunnydale's mall was, when only a few months ago, she spent all of her free time there if she couldn't get Cordelia to drive somewhere else. It was pathetic.

No one had said anything yet, but it was only a matter of time. They saw her without guys; each one she looked at, someone who would worship her and wait on her hand and foot, she saw Buffy's face instead. And besides the fact that there was an agreement, they simply paled in comparison. Plus, she was turning down makeover opportunities to hang out with the social enemy. A part of her blamed Buffy for pulling her away from that world, but Buffy hadn't forced her to start caring.

She was smart enough to know how shallow that world was, yet it held status. The more time they spent together though, the more Cordelia's eyes opened. The majority of her brain was telling her to ditch 'The Circle,' to go deeper and find the actual person beneath, see what was waiting. Who she truly was came out around Buffy and the others; she should explore that, and give her 'junk' to the Good Will. The minority was saying the opposite, of course: she should hang on for dear life to her possessions, and to her followers.

If she took Buffy's path, she'd just go into the unknown and never come out. It wasn't safe, and there was no guarantee it would be worth it. What if the slayer decided to dump her? Then she'd be stuck. She had to get back in before it was too late.

Someone was knocking. She had sent the maid home once her parents left for another party; they could take a cab as far as she was concerned.

It appeared that another rule was about to be broken – the blonde was at her house.

"Funny you should ask. There're some unstoppable assassins after me, and I think they might know where I live." The slayer thought her synopsis was succinct enough. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Assassins? Why would anyone want to – ?" Then the cheerleader remembered the line of work the blonde was in. "Oh right."

"Yeah, the Order of Tarragon. Giles said I should be wigged, so I am." Buffy stood there, waiting. She'd felt like she was being watched all day, but even more so on her way over here. "I'm not welcome?" She frowned.

"Duh," The brunette sighed, resisting the urge to smack her forehead, "of course you are." Her guest smiled gratefully and then walked in, shutting the door behind her. "Damn! What if you're a vampire?!"

The petite blonde chuckled. "Here." She took a hand and placed it over her heart. Cordelia could feel it beating, but that wasn't all she could feel. "Satisfied?"

Seconds passed until Buffy finally cleared her throat, and her hostess none-too-suavely removed the palm from her chest. "I don't think they'll come here, but I don't want you to get hurt, either...you know, it's probably safer if I just go to Angel's."

"Angel's?" Cordelia got in front of the door. "No, no, no, no, no...it's fine! I accept the risks, I promise. And besides, you don't wanna bother him...he's probably busy doing...good vampire things. Like reorganizing his blood packets or...eww! I just totally grossed myself out." She took a breath. "Stay." 'Real smooth.'

This was what happened to her. All of her thoughts, everything that plagued her vanished, and she turned into a rambling, insane woman who desperately wanted Buffy in sight at all times. Life was simpler when the girl was around, yet complicated; especially when there was physical contact involved. Cordelia knew Buffy liked making her incoherent, but she liked seeing that smile, so it was even.

"Him and me..." The slayer hesitated, and then answered the unvoiced question. "I don't."

The cheerleader absorbed the news, forming a small smile of her own. "You don't?"

Buffy shook her head in the negative. It was another one of those moments again, and like the last one, they let it pass. She didn't want to make them both uncomfortable, thus causing them to regret this whole thing. "Man, look at this place."

"My father always says you can't have enough luxury. And alcohol." Cordelia smirked. "So let's get this 'Waiting for Monsters to Come Kill Us' slumber party started – want anything?"

"I actually am sorta hungry." The blonde conceded. "Do you have Doritos? Or something Doritos-like? That kind that has the name everybody forgets. Just gotta quiet my stomach."

"Lemme check." The brunette led her into the living room. "Make yourself at home. TV, couch...feel free."

Buffy headed straight for the sofa; it was practically calling out to her. "I appreciate this."

"It's no problem." Cordelia went to search the cupboards in the kitchen. "How's Giles?"

"Still marching in the guilt parade. His past came back to bite him and Miss Calendar got caught in the middle." The slayer sighed. "It's eating at him, and her acting like he doesn't exist whenever they see each other, isn't helping."

"Because she was possessed by a demon he helped make." The cheerleader reminded her.

"I know, but he's my watcher, so I kinda have to join his camp. I wanna hit Ethan so bad; first it was Halloween..." Buffy yawned, and then she drifted.

Cordelia was gone only a few minutes, but when she came back in, her exhausted guest was fast asleep. The sight made her breath catch in her throat. There were no worry lines, signs of stress or pain, strength or weakness...the layers had been stripped away. Nothing artificial covered her features – no makeup, nothing to hide imperfections. It wasn't necessary, either. This was Buffy, pure and simple; she was blown away.

Taking the blanket off the top of the sofa and draping it over her, she didn't even remember the meaning of the word 'popularity.' How could she not love this girl? It was easy to ask that now, and the answer was just as easy, but as soon as she began to go upstairs, she knew every fear would resurface. Though she wouldn't forget that she had gotten to see the toughest, most selfless person she knew, in her most unguarded state.

A ringing telephone cut short the cheerleader's beauty sleep in the morning. "Hello?" God. This was the last thing she needed. "No, I'm not driving you to her house, Xander...Um, cause she's not missing? Moron...Why do I know that?"

Oh no – why did she? To hell with it. Was too early to come up with an excuse.

"Because she's downstairs sleeping...Yes, here...It's not a difficult concept...So what?...I don't know why. Ask her...I don't have to prove it...I have her severed head in a jar? You're majorly disturbed, you know that? Don't you have to go burn ants with a magnifying glass or something?...Yeah, *that* was witty. Bravo..."

She cringed, hoping it wasn't the maid. "I have to go...Shut up...She'll call, okay? Bye."

Rushing to the foyer, she saw that it definitely wasn't the maid. Buffy was facing off with...was she Caribbean? Couldn't tell, but it was a girl, and they were in almost identical fighting stances.

"Heard noise outside. Caught her snooping. We fought. At a stalemate." The blonde told her side of the story.

Kendra cautiously let her guard down. "I was sent 'ere by me watcher. He told me dat I would find a man by dee name of Rupert Giles at a high school – da watcher in dis area. I began heading dere last night, when I saw you." She looked at Buffy. "I sensed dat you were strong, but I was not sure if you were a vampire or not. I followed you, and watched as you were invited into dis place; I eventually came to dee conclusion dat you were not a demon."

"You were staring at her neck a lot." The second slayer responded, to which Cordelia's brow rose – she hadn't picked up on this. "It is none of my business."

"Damn right it isn't." The elder slayer said angrily, trying to not blush. "And if you 'came to dat conclusion,' why were you still lurking?" Mocking helped.

"I wasn't. I came back 'ere only a few minutes ago, waiting for you to awaken." Kendra defended herself. "You are a slayer as well, aren't you?"

The Jamaican narrowed her eyes. "I was going to introduce meself, but I was attacked."

Buffy looked guilty then, and relaxed. "I've been edgy. Thought you were one of the bad guys...sorry."

"We can play Twenty Questions for a Slayer at the library." The cheerleader announced, and then looked at the out-of-towner. "You need to meet Giles," Then she looked at Buffy, "and you need to stop Xander Harris from being a bigger idiot than he already is." She waited for objections, and none were uttered. "*After* you clean up the mess you made during your little, 'Chosen One Showdown,' before my parents come stumbling home. Cause there's no way in hell I am."

Buffy sat in the school lounge, numb. She'd killed a man; knocked him down the stairs. Sure, he hit her and was dating her mother, but that didn't justify a killing. Certainly not of a human being – she didn't want to have to deal with this. She felt horrible, and there was nothing she could do to make it better. All of the stares and accusing eyes bore into her. The police wanted to lock her up, that was obvious, and she didn't blame them.

This was happening way too fast. She didn't even have time to bounce back from the 'Spike Using Angel to Cure Druscilla' ordeal. Talking more with Kendra in the library, it was discovered that during the few hours the other slayer hadn't been spying on her, she'd been in Willy's bar. Angel had gone there to get information, they fought, and she almost got him killed, locking him in the storage room cage – where the sun could easily shine in. But Willy sold him out to Spike in the morning, before the crispiness occurred.

Prior to that though, the blonde had walked to her house like normal, where this guy with a sliced eye and long hair was waiting to make good on his contract. Angel just *happened* to be in the area, so they finished him off together. He snatched a ring off of the guy's finger, recognizing it as belonging to the Order of Taraka; he was clearly having trouble letting go, but she figured that since he had just saved her life, she wouldn't say anything. Telling him she'd be okay, he reluctantly left (unknowingly going to meet her sister slayer).

She went inside and called Giles then, and after he'd repeatedly told her how dangerous the people were, she paid a visit favorite cheerleader.

Fast-forwarding back to the next day, it took some convincing to get Kendra to help her rescue the vampire – just because she didn't love him didn't mean he deserved to die. While the arguing was going on, Xander was at her house. He hadn't believed Cordelia, and had hurried over there as fast as his legs could take him, running into Assassin Number the Second. 'The Bug Guy.' He was able to escape fortunately, Cordelia saying to him later, "Told you so."

When it came down to it, the assassins taken care of and Angel dying, the Jamaican was by her side, and they came through it. Not only were Spike and Druscilla now history (as the church they'd used went up in flames, sending an organ crashing down on them), but she had also made a new friend. Yet it wasn't as if what she'd accomplished mattered much anymore, because here she sat, a murderer.

"What happened?" Willow still wasn't clear on the specifics. "Unless you don't wanna talk about it."

"We had a fight and I lost my temper – I really let him have it." Buffy summed up the event.

"What was he? A-a demon? A giant bug? Some kind of dark god with the secrets of Nouvelle cuisine? I mean, we are talking creature-feature here, right?" That's what he assumed, but his friend lowered her eyes. "Oh man."

"Yeah, that defense only works in six-year-old court, Will." The soon-to-be convict hated to break it to her.

"Court? Wa-wait, are they charging you with something?" Xander asked, concerned.

She shook her head. "I-I don't know. Not yet." For a long moment, she didn't speak. "He was a person, and I killed him."

Buffy wouldn't excuse herself from this. "I'm the Slayer – I had no right to hit him like that."

"Look, Buffy, I don't know what happened exactly. But I do know you; and I know you would never hurt anyone intentionally." He sincerely wanted to brighten her mood. "Well, you know, unless..."

"Unless they were dating my mother?" She completed as the three of them turned to see Cordelia and her flock enter the lounge. The brunette locked eyes with her, and in full view of everyone, walked over to hug her. "I gotta go."

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Human Layers

By Pat Kelly

Copyright © 2003

pat2082@verizon.net