Last Kiss

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: The characters belong to the God of Television, otherwise known as Joss the Great and Powerful. The song was originally done by J Frank Wilson & The Cavaliers; the version I use is the late-90s Pearl Jam remake.

Distribution: The Mystic Muse /mysticmuse.net

If you want it, please ask me first.

Spoilers: None

Warnings: Heavy-duty angst.

Feedback: Please!

Pairing: Willow/Buffy

Well, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good,
so I can see my baby when I leave this world.

I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't see. She's gone. Tara knows. She knows but she loves me so much that she doesn't care. She sees in my eyes what everyone else mistakes as simple loss of friend. Tara sees my broken heart, my shattered soul. But she's going to help me.

I wonder if she'll leave me after it's done. If she'll leave me because she knows she can't compete. But she doesn't have to worry. Buffy's totally uber-hetero. She never knew how I felt about her, that my entire happiness was built on her existence. And even after she comes back—if we manage it—she won't know.

But we have to manage it. I'll die without her. Every minute that she's not here, I die a little more.

We were out on a date in my daddy's car.
We hadn't driven very far.
There in the road, straight ahead ...
A car was stalled, the engine was dead.
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right.
I'll never forget the sound that night ...
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass.
The painful scream that I heard last.

When her body landed at the base of Glory's tower, I lost my mind for a while. I don't remember much of the next few days. I remember dreaming that she was with me, dreaming of making love to her. But that was nothing new—I've dreamed of making love to her since the day I met her, standing at the water fountain in the main hallway of Sunnydale High.

The first thing I remember clearly after that day was my conscious decision to bring Buffy back. And then, when that decision was made and I began thinking more-or-less clearly again, they came at me talking about Faith

They wanted to get Faith out of prison, they said, and could I do a spell to alter prison records down in L.A. so that she could be legitimately released to take over as the Slayer? I absolutely refused, and I started work instead on the Buffybot. With the Buffybot intact and the rest of us working with it, we could do the work of the Slayer.

And Faith was not going to get in the way of my plan to bring her back.

Well, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good,
so I can see my baby when I leave this world.

God, I can't let myself think about her or I'll start crying again. She's been gone over ninety days, but she's still here in the form of the Buffybot. I wonder if Tara knows that I've accessed some of the programs that Warren built into it for Spike. I don't think she does, but a few days ago, when I was editing its programming, I caught her looking at me strangely.

I can't help it. I need her so badly. I'm nothing without her. I think Tara's going to leave me.

Bringing her back has become an obsession. Anya and Xander are going to help, but only because I've convinced them that she must be trapped in a hell dimension because that was what was pouring through the gateway that Dawn's blood opened. Hell, it could even be true. But I don't care. I have to have her back.

Well, when I woke up, the rain was pourin' down.
There were people standing all around.
Something warm running in my eyes,
but somehow I found my baby that night.
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said,
"Hold me darling for a little while."
I held her close. I kissed her our last kiss.
I found the love that I knew I would miss.
But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight.
I lost my love ... my life, that night.

Anya got the Urn of Osiris. She found it on eBay. That fact is a bit disturbing.

Giles left to return to England today. We couldn't convince him to stay any longer without actually telling him what we were about, and we certainly couldn't tell him, because he would have stopped us. Not that it's a big deal—he can come back once it's done and she's with me—I mean, us—again.

I'm performing the ritual now. I'm calling on Osiris. I knew it was going to hurt, but not like this! The pain is excruciating, but it's nothing compared to the pain of being without my deepest, truest love.

What's that noise? Motorcycles? What? The urn. Protect the urn! Somebody stop them!

Oh, no.

Oh, God, no. NO!

It's broken. It's broken. It's broken. It's broken.

My last hope. It's gone. She's gone. She's really gone.

I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't see. She's gone.

Well, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good,
so I can see my baby when I leave this world.

The End

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