Title: A Different Life
Author: Rari

SPOILERS: Major spoilage of many things up through Wrecked. Major, major spoilage, episode quotage, that sort of thing. For specific episodes see the Thanks section
RATING: Probably FRT, but FRM just in case for any stray naughty bits, an occasional cuss word, and Wes bashing
PAIRING: B/G, but of course
DISTRIBUTION: Gabi, Nikki, Dword, Dee, anyone else, just ask
DISCLAIMER: It all belongs to Joss, the real king of the world, the WB, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy and anybody else who feels they own it.
SUMMARY: Buffy is given the opportunity to make a wish. Then she is told she must undo it. Will she?
NOTES: Set after Wrecked, Season 6.
FEEDBACK: Absolutely.

THANKS: Thanks to all the wonderful Buffy episode writers. I used lines from the following episodes and writers: Joss Whedon, Welcome to the Hellmouth; Dana Reston, The Witch; Dean Batali and Rob Des Hotel, The Dark Age; Ty King, Passion; Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt, Nightmares; Jane Espensen and Doug Petrie, Checkpoint and Flooded; Rebecca Kirshner, Tabula Rasa.

And thanks to Ruth for keeping Giles, Ethan and Gwen British, Liz for University of London assistance, Da Wench for her amazing knowledge of all seemingly useless, and yet not, Buffy trivia, and Lori Ann and Deb for their beta help.

And many apologies to whoever is the real person in charge at the British Museum. I’m just borrowing your job for a little while. You can have it back when the story is done.

A Different Life: Part 1

Buffy sat at the bar, drawn in on herself, her body language making it clear to all and sundry to stay away. She was 21 today. Funny, no one felt like celebrating. Willow was going through the magic DTs, Tara was being miserable off by herself, Xander and Anya were bickering about wedding plans, and Dawn took the easy way out and was staying at a friend’s house. Buffy was trying to avoid Spike. And Giles, well, Giles was still gone.

So, that left Buffy. She was legal today and she was taking full advantage of it. Buffy was drinking scotch. Giles’ preferred choice of alcoholic goodness. She had the birthday card he’d sent sitting in front of her. It said that he would be toasting her with a good glass of scotch and Buffy thought she’d return the favor. She couldn’t understand how he could stomach the stuff but she was gamely on her second drink, determined to get drunk enough to forget, at least for the night.

She was tired of remembering. Tired of remembering what had been taken away from her, tired of remembering how fucked up everyone’s life had gotten, tired of remembering the dreams she’d once had of how her life would turn out. Buffy ran her fingers over his signature. She was still angry with him, but she missed him more than she would have believed possible. He’d always been there, like oxygen, something you never even think about it until it’s not there any more.

The card had a birthday cake on the front, with a lot of candles on it. Inside, the caption told her to Make A Wish. Giles had made one for her; he wished happiness for her, that she find her way, that she find a way to be glad to be alive, as glad as he was that she was alive. She had no idea what to wish for. Buffy didn’t think she believed in wishes anymore.

She thought about it for a while. And she found to her surprise that she was full of wishes. But they were coupled with sorrow because she knew they’d never come true. She wished Giles was still here, she wished he’d never left, she wished she hadn’t died, and she wished she hadn’t been brought back. Buffy wished she’d never slept with Spike, that she’d never slept with Angel, that she’d gotten to Riley before his helicopter left. She wished her mom were still alive and Glory had found another universe to annoy. And Buffy wished she could cry. The pressure grew unbearable sometimes but the tears wouldn’t fall. It was as if there was an ocean of tears inside of her held back by this impenetrable wall that allowed Buffy to see her emotions but to never really touch them.

A man sat down next to her. Buffy could tell he was watching her. She scowled at him and spoke. “Do you mind? I’m not in the mood for company.” She looked at him and his eyes captured her attention. They were ancient and amused all at the same time. Pulling her eyes away she took in the rest of him. He was old, dressed in nondescript baggy pants and shirt, an old cardigan sweater on top of that. He had a bristly gray beard and snippets of hair sneaked out at odd angles from under his hat, a beret, tilted at a cocky angle.

When he smiled at her his teeth were a bit yellow as if he’d been smoking for a very long time. “Wishes are powerful things.”

Buffy scoffed. “None of mine have ever come true. Not so very powerful from where I’m sitting.”

A matching glass of scotch was suddenly sitting in front of him. He toasted her and took a sip. “Happy birthday.”

Buffy’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know it’s my birthday? Who are you?”

“A friend.”

Again, she let out a disgusted noise and she lashed out at him. “What do you want? Because I’m really, really not in the mood for company.”

“I’ve come to give you a wish.”

“Oh, please.” She turned away from him and faced the bar again.

“Not just any wish. No, this is only for a certain type of wish.”

“You had to come in here? You couldn’t have gone to a different bar and found another person to harass?”

“But, I’m willing to help you work on it, until you get it right.”

“Do I have a sign on my head that says my life doesn’t suck enough, please make it worse?”

“And you don’t want to waste it. You want to think big, girl, don’t settle for something mediocre.”

“Listen buddy, I don’t want to hurt you but…”

“You can change your life. You can make it different.”

Buffy looked at the man again. She felt a glimmer of hope, and then a flash of anger that obliterated it. Anger that this man was promising her something she could never have. “Right. And what do I have to do to get this wish?”

“Just wish it. I’ll do all the work. Tell me what you’re thinking; we’ll work on it together until you get it just right. Then when you’re ready I’ll do the magic for you.”

“And then when you’ve got me all full of hope you laugh and walk out of here?” She looked around. “Did Spike send you here? Is this his idea of a sick joke?”

“No joke. You’ve been through too much. You shouldn’t have to suffer anymore.”

Buffy didn’t answer at first, although she agreed with the man. She shouldn’t have to suffer anymore. She didn’t think she could handle anything else, she felt fragile, like she might come apart at the seams at any moment. Then she felt a surge of defiance, suddenly felt a strong desire to do something for herself. She turned to the man. “Any wish?” Buffy knew she was being a fool but the lure was too strong.

“No, only certain wishes. But go ahead, tell me what you’d wish for.”

Buffy’s dark mood swept over her again. “I wish I was still dead.”

The man shook his head. “Can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Just can’t.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Fine, I wish you’d go away.”

“Can’t do that either.” He grinned. “Besides you’re thinking too small. He tapped the birthday card. “Think, make a decent wish.”

Buffy looked at the card. “I wish he were back here.”

The man shook his head. “Nope.”

Buffy looked at him, incredulous. “Why can’t you do that? All you have to do is change his mind and get him back on a plane.”

“It’s not that simple.”

Buffy sneered at him. “You don’t even know who I’m talking about.”

“Rupert Giles. Watcher. Yes, I do. And if he came back now, things would just get worse.”

“Fine, then I wish I’d never slept with…” Buffy turned away, disgusted with herself.

“Can’t do that one either.”

Buffy stood up. “You are so full of shit. I don’t know why I even listened to you.”

He stood too. He wasn’t any taller than her. “I know you feel bad about it. But I can’t change people’s hearts. Given the same situation I can’t go in someone’s head and rewire them so it turns out different. Make my job a lot easier if I could. People love who they love; people hate who they hate. Only thing you can change is the circumstances.” He gestured towards a booth. “Perhaps we should talk someplace more private.”

Buffy allowed her frustration to show on her face. She was torn. This guy was a fruitcake but there was no denying that he knew things about her that he shouldn’t know. Finally she nodded briefly at the man and they moved to a booth. As soon as they sat he spoke. “Try again.”

Buffy looked at him, stymied. “I don’t know…” She thought again. “I wish I could feel again.”

“You don’t need to wish for that. You feel just fine. Feeling dead inside is what you’re feeling. Feeling angry is what you’re feeling. Feeling lost is what you’re feeling. Plenty of feeling going on.”

“I wish I could be happy.”

He squinched his face up again. “That’s rewiring, can’t do that.”

She shot him a disgusted look. “You have got to be the most worthless wish giver on the planet.”

“I’m not. I’m one of the best. You just have to come up with one I can do, one that’s worth my time and my energy.”

“Shit. You tell me what to wish for then.”

“Can’t do that. But I can tell you this. You’re thinking too small. Think big; shoot for the moon. Opportunity like this doesn’t come around very often.” All Buffy felt right then was tired. Tired of her life, tired of being the Slayer, tired of it all. Even tired of this game. She leaned her head back again and wished it would all go away. He smiled. “Now you’re thinking, girl.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “I can wish for that?”

The man looked at her, his eyes glittering. “The sky’s the limit. Stuff like that’s my specialty.”

“I can wish this never happened?”

He leaned forward. “Be more specific. What do you wish never happened?”

“That I never became the Slayer. That I never got called.”

“If that’s what you want, I can do that. But it has to be what you want.” His eyes were lit with excitement and he was almost breathless with anticipation. “Say it for me, say the wish.”

Without volition Buffy said the wish, feeling almost compelled. “I wish that I had never become the Slayer. I wish the whole thing passed me by and I’d had a different life.” After she said the words Buffy tried to see the danger. Nothing like this could possibly be true. No one could make her life that different. But a part of her ached for it. A part of her was willing to pay the price for it, whatever it was.

“You want this wish, girl? All you have to do is say yes.”

Buffy’s heart was beating so hard she felt as if it might explode. “Yes.”

The man smiled. “Thank you my dear. That’s the wish I hoped you’d wish for. This was almost too easy.” He seized her hand and began to chant.

Buffy tried to pull her hand away but she couldn’t. He was too strong. “Why, why did you want me to make that wish? What did I make easy?” A fear filled her, a fear that she had perhaps done a serious evil with this wish.

“Don’t worry. You’ll never know.” His voice sounded as if it was far away. The bar grew dim and a wind swept through it. Giles’ card that Buffy had left sitting on the bar flew up in the air along with a flurry of cocktail napkins. Then, everything froze, the card, the napkins, the people on the street. Nothing moved except the man’s lips as they continued chanting. Buffy gazed in horror as his eyes began to glow. Then it all started to fade away.

End of Part 1