Title: The First Time (4/9)
Author: Liz

(notes and disclaimer with part one)

"Is everything okay with you and Giles?"

Willow couldn't place the expression that flitted across Buffy's face at her whispered question, but for weeks now, she'd had the impression that things were somehow off between her friends.

Buffy looked up from her book and regarded her Watcher behind the cash register. She grinned to herself as she watched him try to make sense of Anya's newest inventory methods. His brow creased, and she could practically hear his internal monologue working up to a nice, Giles-sized rant before he stalked off to the basement to find his assistant. Buffy watched him walk away, sparing half a moment to enjoy the view.

A couple months had passed since Buffy's relationship with Giles had been thrown for a loop, and she was frankly amazed by how not-awkward the whole thing had turned out to be. She finally had her Watcher back, which was a world of goodness. The fact that she was also having the best sex of her young life didn't hurt a bit either.

"So have you guys been fighting or something?"

Willow's concern brought Buffy's attention back to the table and the conversation she was doing a terrible job of participating in. "Sorry. Fighting? No, everything's shipshape. Top notch. Pretty as a... something... Wait, why?" She felt a jolt of healthy paranoia and worried that Willow might have seen her watching Giles. She tried to think of any weird signals Willow might have picked up on, but she was sure she hadn't been acting any differently. Pretty sure, anyway. "What makes you think anything's wrong?"

"Well, not wrong, exactly, just... different, I guess. But everything's really okay? He seems kinda, I don't know... Should I butt out? I should butt out, shouldn't I?" Buffy teetered on the verge of accepting Willow's offer, but curiosity and prudence won the day. Aside from wanting to know just what Willow meant, Buffy knew there was no quicker way to get Willow stuck on something than to tell her to ignore it. Adopting a casual air, she simply said, "Different? Huh." There, she congratulated herself, that was nicely evasive.

Willow's eyes lit up, excited to have someone to share her observations with, maybe even bring in on the investigation. "Haven't you noticed? I mean, it's almost like the old Giles is back, except that he isn't, and what's with all the tweed?" Truthfully, Buffy had noticed when Giles pulled his tweed back out of the closet a few weeks ago. She'd found it reassuring, part of having him back again. Sure, the guy who wore the occasional earring and sang at the coffee shop was nice too, and she felt a brief pang of sadness that she hadn't gotten to know that guy better. Or at least gotten to hear him sing. But he wasn't "hers" the way Giles the Watcher was.

"Okay, so the look's a little retro, but what's wrong with that? I mean, Giles in tweed? Hardly a big news item."

"Maybe not in high school," Willow offered, "but after a couple of years, he's suddenly all about his old Watcher uniform?"

"Well, he's being my Watcher again," Buffy snapped defensively. "What's he supposed to wear?" She saw Willow recoil a little at her tone and sighed. So much for that 'casual air' she'd been aiming for.

"Okay, so he's your Watcher again. But since when is he so uber-professional about it? I mean, you guys used to be friends."

"What?" Buffy was fairly flummoxed by that one. Of course they were still friends - naked friends, even! And they talked, like, all the time now. They were totally on top of all the demony stuff... except for that stupid grey thing... and they trained together, and Giles was so understanding and supportive, and he made her feel good and safe and happy... Buffy tossed her forgotten book on the table, resigned to listen to Willow's crazy theory. Maybe her friend had noticed something different after all, but it was obvious she didn't know what she was talking about.

Buffy listened as Willow went on, confusion mounting as the "crazy theory" was outlined. They'd both seen a lot of the same things, and mostly it was good stuff. Like the way he'd thrown himself into his Watcher duties. Or the way he would bend over backward to make her day go just a little more smoothly. He was attentive to her moods and gave her as much or as little space as she needed on any given day. Kind of new stuff to Buffy, granted, but hardly reason to think anything was wrong. These were definitely good things, and Buffy appreciated her Watcher more than ever because of them, especially considering how horribly wrong things could have gone after that first night.

As far as she was concerned, her relationship with Giles had never been better. Except that Willow had seen something she hadn't - the way Giles looked at Buffy when he thought no one was watching. Willow had seen him give the back of Buffy's head a full range of looks over the years, from awe and affection to absolute frustration, but lately that range had narrowed to one. Overwhelming sadness.

Buffy didn't understand - why would he be sad when things between them were finally going so well? She opened her mouth to say so, but Willow startled as if she'd had a revelation. "Oh my god, I get it!" As Willow absorbed her new theory, however, her expression went from excitement to sadness of her own.

"Oh, wow," she said. "So he finally told you."

Buffy walked through the park in a daze. After what Willow told her, she'd had to get out of the shop. She clearly wasn't going to get any more homework done, and she knew if she were still there when Giles came back upstairs, she wouldn't have been able to face him without making a complete mess of things.

Giles was in love with her.

At least, that's what Willow seemed to think. Of course, Buffy reminded herself for the eighteenth time, just because Willow had a crazy theory didn't mean she was right. But that theory was starting to get less and less crazy the more Buffy turned it over in her head. She slumped onto a wooden bench and closed her eyes, the midday sun warming her face as she tried to wrap her brain around the idea.

She knew that Giles loved her - his fierce protectiveness and loyalty through the years had shown her at least that much. A bittersweet smile crossed her features as she remembered how stunned she'd been that he would insist on facing The Master in her place. News of the prophecy had rightly shattered her, and she'd hated him for being part of the destiny that wouldn't be satisfied until she was dead. It wasn't until she'd returned to the library and seen him gathering his weapons that she actually saw him. Saw his wan complexion and haunted eyes that hadn't seen sleep since he'd opened the damned Codex. And she saw his refusal to let her die, even if it meant his own life. He'd been trained since childhood to accept the inevitable death of his Slayer as a matter of course, yet he defied everything he'd been taught, knowing he would not survive his decision, because losing her was simply unacceptable. A single tear rolled down her cheek at the memory. He was a good man. And she realized with a lump of regret that she hadn't told him so nearly enough.

There were a host of things left unsaid between them. Most because they didn't need to be said, others because neither could find the words. And after so much time had passed, how do you thank a man for turning his back on his calling to save your life? Quentin Travers had fired Giles for putting her well-being above generations of heritage. He'd called Giles' devotion a father's love, but that was two years and a lifetime ago. And Giles definitely wasn't her father. So what was he? He was her Watcher, she knew, but she was starting to realize how eagerly she'd pigeonholed him into that role recently. It was a valiant effort to avoid precisely the thoughts she was currently wrestling with, and until today, it had worked just fine. She'd known for years that he loved her, just as she knew she loved him. But then Willow had to go and spill her keen insight and bring the word "in" into it. In love.

That one tiny word held a world of meaning.

She sighed and toed at the grass, casting back over years of gestures both grand and subtle. He'd driven himself mad searching the country for her when she ran away, and she hadn't even known. She'd thrown a fit and stomped out of his apartment, and he left a beautiful, semi-naked woman at home to be at her side. She had harboured the man who tortured him without mercy, and he fought to save that man because she asked him to.

But he also gave her the last jelly donut and teased her about her fashion sense. He kept her brand of bottled water in his fridge and searched through charred wreckage to find her diploma. And when she stood before him naked, he didn't look away or offer her his shirt. He devoured the sight of her and brought her to screaming ecstasy. No, he wasn't just her Watcher and friend. He treasured her, stayed by her side, and gave her as much or as little as she would receive from him. He made her feel beautiful and strong, and he made her feel loved. And even though he had wrapped himself in his old, safe uniform, she'd finally seen the truth of it. He was in love with her.

Which shocked her nowhere near as much as the realization that she was smiling.

Giles was in love with her, and she welcomed it. She should be freaking - why the hell wasn't she freaking? She knew how much he meant to her, how much better her life was with him in it. And with her blinders finally off, she could see just what a handsome man he was. He was thoughtful, loving, funny, intelligent, attractive... and she happened to know for a fact that sex with him was amazing. The more she thought about it, the more her heart started to race. But this was Giles. Giles! Rupert 'I'm so stuffy give me a scone' Giles! Still, the way he was starting to make her feel... She still didn't know exactly what those feelings meant, but she was going to find out.

Buffy stood, thrilling at emotions she hadn't felt in far too long, and tried to decide what to do next. The ball was definitely in her court, and she didn't want to mess this up. She couldn't simply burst into his house and declare that she'd had an epiphany - he'd never believe her. More likely, he'd think she was toying with him. That she was just frustrated again. She frowned at that but admitted she wouldn't blame him for thinking it. Fine, then. She would just have to show him.

She set off, excited and nervous as she'd ever been but determined to get this right. She had a lot to do before Giles got home, and she'd need to hurry. There were plans to make and clothes to try on, reject, then try on again. Time permitting, she might even go shopping. But all of that depended on getting her first item taken care of. Because he'd never believe the sincerity of the rest if this question mark was still out there.

Buffy headed towards Willy's bar to see if he could finally point her in the right direction.

She was going to kill the hell out of that furry demon.

Willy never knew what hit him. He'd been utterly defenseless and completely unprepared for the Slayer's new and daring ambush tactic. Buffy had walked in, smiled, ordered a cup of his ridiculously gritty coffee, and then asked him if he could please help her. He was so unsettled that he spilled everything he knew - much of it not even remotely related to the situation at hand - but somewhere in his panicked ramble, she managed to piece together enough clues to find what she needed. She thanked Willy, paid for her coffee, and set off to find the demon.

Willy hated to admit it, but he liked it better when she just punched him. At least then, he knew what the hell was going on. Polite, smiling Slayer was just plain scary.

Buffy had been so focused on scouring Sunnydale for the thing that neither she nor Giles had even considered the idea that it might be a commuter. According to Willy's clues, it lived in the woods nearby, apparently only coming into town for its little bite-fests. She finally found what she was looking for and surprised the demon as it slept. It was over so quickly, her sword flashing and separating its head neatly from its shoulders, that she could hardly believe this was the same creature that had driven her to distraction for months. If not for the bitey rampaging, she might even have thanked the thing for helping to open her eyes. As it was, she simply turned and left. She had several things to do still and a very important elsewhere to be.