Some Assembly Required Quotes

Buffy: Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or... yodel.
Angel: I heard you were on the hunt.
Buffy: I'm supposed to be, but... lazy bones here doesn't wanna come out and play.
Angel: When you first wake up it's a little disorienting. He'll show.
Buffy: It's weird to think of you going through that.
Angel: It's weird to go through.

Giles: I-I-I was just working on...
Buffy: Your pickup lines?
Giles: Um, in a manner of speaking, yes.
Buffy: Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might wanna leave off the 'idiot' part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.
Xander: Hmm, it actually kinda turns me on.
Buffy: I fear you. You also might wanna avoid words like 'amenable' and 'indecorous', y'know. Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um...
Giles: England?

Xander: Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her.
Buffy: And she's the only woman we've actually ever seen speak to you. Add it all up and it all spells 'duh'.

Cordelia: Stop it! What are you doing? We are under florescent light, for God's sake.
Eric: The camera loves you!
Cordelia: I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hibernation till
spring.
Eric: It's for my private collection.

Xander: So, we're set then. Say, nineish? BYO shovel?
Willow: And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered doughnuts?
Xander: Me.
Willow: Cordelia?
Cordelia: Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew we were gonna be digging up dead people sooner. I would've canceled.
Xander: Alright, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?

Willow: By the way, are we hoping to find a body, or no body?
Xander: Call me an optimist, but I'm hoping to find a fortune in gold doubloons.

Giles: You understand, in my capacity as school official, this search is completely unauthorized, and I, I cannot condone it.
Buffy: Fine, your butt's covered. Wanna grab a locker?
Giles: Uh, yes, yes, of course.

Buffy: Okay, Giles, just remember, 'I feel a thing, you feel a thing...' But personalize it.
Giles: Personalize it?
Buffy: She's a technopagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop. Have fun.

Jenny: I don't know what it is about football that does it for me. I mean, it lacks the, the grace of basketball, the, uh, poetry of baseball. At its best it's unadorned aggression. It's such a rugged contest.
Giles: Rugged. American football.
Jenny: And that's funny because?
Giles: No! I just think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby.

Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?
Willow: All the time.