School Hard Quotes

Snyder: I say, 'Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner.' Tell me, who do you think is the most troublesome student in this school? Well, it is quite a match between you two. On the one hand, Buffy hasn't stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel.
Sheila: I didn't stab anyone with a trowel. They were pruning shears.
Snyder: On the other hand, Sheila has never burned down a school building.
Buffy: W-well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said i-it coulda been mice.

Buffy: Do you think any other Slayers ever had to go to high school?
Xander: It's no biggie. You'll have a nice soire'e. The parents will love it. As long as nothing really bad happens between now and then, you'll be fine.
Buffy: Are you crazy? What did you say that for? Now something bad is gonna happen!
Xander: Whadaya mean? Nothing's gonna happen.
Willow: Not until some dummy says, 'as long as nothing bad happens.'
Buffy: It's the ultimate jinx!
Willow: What were you thinking? Or were you even thinking at all?

Spike: So. Who do you kill for fun around here?

Spike: Me and Dru, we're movin' in. Now. Any of you want to test who's got the biggest wrinklies 'round here... step on up. I'll do your Slayer for you. But you keep your flunkies from tryin' anything behind my back. Deal?
Drusilla: I can't see her. The Slayer. I can't see. It's dark where she is. Kill her. Kill her, Spike. Kill her for me?

Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse, and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.

Giles: You know what happens when you, you let your life interfere with your slaying.
Buffy: Okay, well, if my slaying doesn't get me expelled, then I promise my banner making won't get me killed, okay? Just please let me get through this week.

Buffy: La vache... doit me... touche... de la... jeudi. Was it wrong? Should I use the plural?
Willow: No. But you said, 'The cow should touch me from Thursday.'
Buffy: Maybe that's what I was feeling.
Willow: And you said it wrong.
Buffy: Oh, je stink.

Buffy: We were at the Bronze before. Thought you said you might show.
Angel: You said you weren't sure if you were going.
Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show?
Willow: Wow, two centuries of dating. If you only had two a year, that's still, like, four hundred dates with four hundred different... Why do they call it a mace?

Xander: Does anybody remember when Saturday night meant date night?
Cordelia: You sure don't.

Cordelia: You're starting to look a little slagged. What, are you just skipping foundation entirely now?
Buffy: Cordelia, I have at least three lives to contend with, none of which really mesh. It's kind of like oil and water and a... third unmeshable thing.
Cordelia: Yeah, and I can see the oil. Is that your mom? Now that is a woman that knows how to moisturize. Did it, like, skip a generation?

Giles: Our new friend Spike. He's known as 'William the Bloody'. Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Very pleasant. Well, here's some good news: he's barely two hundred. He's not even as old as Angel is. Oh.
Xander: That's a bad look, right?
Giles: I think your suggestion of running away this Saturday might've been a good one. Spike has fought two Slayers in the last century, and... he's killed them both.

Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should have someone out there.
Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?
Angel: Everything.
Spike: Yeah. Come up against this Slayer yet?
Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave the puppy dog 'I'm all tortured' act. Keeps her off my back when I feed!
Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine. What a world!

Spike: You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!
Angel: Things change.

Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

Joyce: You get the hell away from my daughter!

Buffy: So, what did you and Principal Snyder talk about anyway?
Joyce: Principal Snyder said you were a troublemaker.
Joyce: And I could care less.
Joyce: I have a daughter who can take care of herself. Who's brave and resourceful and thinks of others in a crisis. No matter who you hang out with or what dumb teenage stuff you think you need to do, I'm gonna sleep better knowing all that.
Buffy: About how long till this wears off and you start ragging on me again?
Joyce: Oh, at least a week and a half.
Buffy: Very cool!