A Prayer From Dante



~~~~~~~~~~
Prologue:

~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Kroger wasted no time after her enforced vacation ended. She phoned Mr. Hank Summers in Spain, where he currently resided, and informed the missing father about his youngest daughter’s recent behavior. He agreed that a stronger hand was needed than his college age daughter, Buffy, seemed able to provide.

Mr. Summeres tsked when told of the fall in Dawn’s grade point average. He seemed properly horrified when told of the odd goings on at his deceased ex-wife’s home. He won Mrs. Kroger’s heart with the tale of how he had sacrificed his natural desire for having his youngest with him in the interest of keeping her school and friends as much the same as when her mother had been alive. He had been assured that Buffy was up to the task, but now he sadly had to agree that she was not.


After being reassured by Mrs. Kroger that his financial obligation to his offspring, in the form of child support, would not be required once he assumed guardianship of Dawn, Hank made arrangements through his attorneys to rescind the custody arrangements with Buffy. Dawn was henceforth removed from Buffy’s custody and rapidly shuttled to her new home in Barcelona. Hank assured his daughter that she would love the food and the culture there and that she would eventually come to love her new stepmother and toddling stepbrother. Dawn was excited about seeing Europe and the prospect that could earn spending money with the baby-sitting duties she would have with her not-yet-met sibling, Cody.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy was reeling when Dawn was removed from her care. True, she hadn’t spent much time with her sister and was not enjoying the extra responsibility, but she was so very tired of people that she loved leaving her.

First was her dad. Now, Buffy doubted she’d get so much as a Christmas card since his small monthly check for Dawns support and brief, obligatory note were terminated. She had missed her dad a lot, but that loss was tempered by having her mom with her. Joyce had been more betrayed by Hank’s leaving than Buffy had been, after all.

Losing Angel had furthered the descent into constant abandonment and loss that made up Buffy’s world. He hadn’t even bothered with a goodbye kiss, merely looked at her across the smoky distance, turned, and walked out of her life. The few times they had met since then had only served to show how much distance there now was between them.

Her mother’s death had nearly killed Buffy. She had never realized how much she had relied on Joyce, how much she had loved her. Buffy regretted every weekend she had not gone home to visit and every missed phone call when she was away at college.

True, Buffy and Joyce had gotten closer again that last year, but the whole Glory thing had kept it from being the blessing it could have been. Buffy had lost the only "normal" part of her life and any semblance of childhood along with her mother. She had been forced to assume the responsibilities of Dawn and the household that had grown during her absence. This was in addition to the usual duties of holding the fate of the world, and maintaining the balance in the war of good vs. evil, in her tiny hands. Buffy was crushed long before that jump from the tower.

She had finally found rest and peace in Heaven, only to lose that too. Her friends demanded much from her. Buffy loved them dearly, but they were really high maintenance in many ways. She had so much to live up to in their eyes. "If they knew about Spike!", Buffy shuddered in fear. She just knew she would be left alone in reality if they ever found out the truth.

Giles, her real father in all the ways that counted, was gone too. He had known the pressures she was under, knew how she had been pulled from Heaven, and still he left. He seemed to think she needed to grow up and handle things on her own. God, she couldn’t even figure out her own heart. How could she be expected to handle the mountain of duties and responsibilities she had before her?

Buffy knew she should be grateful that her responsibilities regarding Dawn were over and her little sister was safe and cared for, but it just felt like another loss.

The only being in her life she couldn’t seem to lose was Spike. No matter what she did or said, she just couldn’t get rid of the vampire. Part of her held that thought close to her heart and cherished it, the secret part of her that she didn’t acknowledge even to herself. Her fear outweighed it though, so she didn’t examine how she really felt about Spike at all. When she did think about it, she remembered how at ease she was with him since her return to life.

Actually, that feeling had started to take root not long after Spike had protected the Key from Glory at great personal cost. Since Buffy’s return, however, she had really started a friendship with him that held the potential of much more. Naturally, the idiot had to ruin that by pushing her into a physical relationship. Buffy usually stopped analyzing her feelings at that point. It was a good spot to blame Spike, get angry, and ignore any development of tenderness she might be having.

With the money from Hank no longer a factor at Casa Summers, Buffy began to work extra shifts at the Doublemeat Palace. She was going to have to look for a better paying job if she expected to keep her home and pay the outstanding debts that had been piling up. Buffy was tired, tired and numb. She began to plan another visit to Spike after her shift ended tonight. At least the numbness would be physical then and she’d have good reason for the tired.
~~~

Spike was on his third bourbon when the red-eyed, four-foot-high demon approached him at Willie’s. He had been drinking more than he would have ever expected to, considering he was involved in a very intense affair with the woman of his dreams. Unfortunately, having Buffy in his bed had not equated to having himself in Buffy’s heart. Bourbon took the edge off the pain of that realization, so Spike drank.

The demon, a Ravnar if Spike was not mistaken, had been quite nervous in his approach. Spike could feel the fear rolling off the little guy in waves. Ravnars were not particularly known as fighters and were usually inclined to avoid trouble, so Spike was not worried when it tapped on his shoulder. The Ravnar turned out to be male (impossible to tell with that species) and identified himself as Argot of the Reavenoir. He said he had a business proposition to make to Spike that could make the vampire a tidy sum of money with little effort.

"Yeah, well, vampire here. I take what I want. Why should I do some job for you to get some ready? And why me specifically? Lots of Vamps and demons in here tonight", Spike asked. He eyed the demon suspiciously and drank down his glass of Jack.

"You are well known in demon circles as one who deals with the humans and fights his own kind. You have a reputation of years as a Master Vampire with a long and bloody history. You are famous! Indeed, I am humbled in your presence", he groveled. "One is needed to do harm to demonkind, in the service of a human. Who but the storied William The Bloody should I approach?", he asked.

"What’s the job then? Can’t say I’ll be takin’ it, but you’ve got my interest", Spike said. He then motioned to a booth in a corner and ordered another bottle of Jack Daniels. "My little friend here’ll pick up the tab, won’tcha buddy", he said to the bartender, indicating the Ravnar.

In a matter of an hour, Spike had accepted a commission that would pay enough for his Slayer to get her bills paid, pay off the mortgage and finally be able to get a job she actually liked with hours that didn’t kill her slowly.

All he would have to do is store a few Ferrisite demon eggs, milk the hatchlings for the poison they had in a sac in their abdomen, and hand the venom over to Argot to be given to a human doctor working on a cure for some rare blood disease. Seemed like a win-win situation to Spike. He would get to help his ladylove, the doctor could possibly cure lots of people in some Southeast Asian country and Argot would get a nice fee for putting the deal together.

Spike knew the Ferrisite demons were nasty little buggers. They were insect-like and ugly as sin. Their venom wouldn’t kill a human, but would sting like the devil. It would take the speed and skill of a vampire such as Spike to be able to do the job quickly before the little bastards scampered away after hatching. Spike agreed to take delivery from Argot as soon as the eggs were laid and begin egg sitting until time for the milking job.

Now all he had to figure out was how to get Buffy to accept the money. He’d figure that part out after he had the cash in hand. Too much planning usually didn’t go well for Spike.

~*~
Chapter 1
~*~

Spike sat in his gutted home in a state of numbness. For a creature of such strong emotions, being in a position of feeling nothing was foreign to him. Buffy had gone, really gone this time. Spike had feared this from the time Captain Cardboard had barged into his crypt hurling accusations. Accusations that Buffy didn’t once question.

After destroying Spike’s home, Buffy had returned to destroy his heart. She wasn’t even angry. That was the part he couldn’t really process. She was calmer than he had ever seen her. She looked happy even.

She said their affair was killing her and that she didn’t want to hurt him anymore. Well, she didn’t want to hurt William anyway. That was who she addressed her farewell to, William, not Spike, as if he had some multiple personality disorder or something! Angel might want people to think that Liam and Angelus were two different people and that neither had a thing to do with Angel, but Spike knew who HE was, knew who the poof was too, for that matter.

Spike thought he knew Buffy too. He had been sure that she felt something for him that was real, as real as what he felt for her. Spike had been counting on time
for Buffy to realize that she wouldn’t keep coming to him if she didn’t have feelings for him. Time would help her to decide those feelings were love. Now it was all in ashes around him, just as his crypt was.

He hadn’t bothered to defend himself to Buffy with Finn there. He hadn’t wanted to expose his plan for those eggs either, or the reason for it. Not with "Mr. Normal Life" standing there acting so superior. GI Joe kept calling them Suvolte eggs and not once did Buffy act like Finn could be anything but right.

He had half expected Buffy to come back and stake him; he hadn’t been prepared for her to just pull his unbeating heart from his chest and destroy him, while leaving him alive, or as alive as a vampire can be. Spike didn’t expect it to be over this soon, to run out of time. It hurt like hell.

Spike walked in a daze to the sarcophagus that acted as storage for the more potent alcohol he kept on hand and lifted the lid. He finally fell asleep, passed out actually, after depleting the contents of his stash.

The vampire woke to the sound of his crypt door being kicked open and a blur of movement he was still too inebriated to follow. When the taser hit him, he
recognized his visitor and growled in anger.

"Finn. Well I shouldn’t be too surprised to see you back. Come to drive another plastic poker in me, did ya? Well, don’t have a heart for you to poke now, do I? What’s with the cattle prod, not manly enough to face Buffy’s follow up choice without usin’ that toy?", he asked.

With that, Spike found himself being tasered again and again until he lost consciousness. Riley had let his weapon do all the talking he was going to do.

"Provo to base. Hostile has been incapacitated. Beginning transport as soon as target has been secured. Out". Riley snapped his cell phone shut and began to bind the unconscious Spike in a way that would allow little or no movement from the vampire should he regain consciousness. Everything had gone too well so far for a slip up at this point.

~~~~~


(flash back to just after Riley and Sam "left" Sunnydale)

"No, Sam, I’ll be the one to recover Hostile 17. Right about now, he should be good and drunk. I don’t think he’ll put up much of a fight. I’ll taser the son of a bitch and we can get him back to the labs by morning", Riley said.

"I’d like to be there, Ri. This creature escaping was the start of all the horrible things that happened to mom. I owe it to her to be hands on".

Samantha Walsh held her greatest hatred for Buffy Summers, of course, but the vampire ran a close second. The visit she and Riley Finn had just made to Sunnydale had been bittersweet. Sam had reveled in the anguish she saw on Buffy’s face as they had
presented themselves as happy newlyweds. She and Ri had done plenty of recon before making the contact. Ri knew just how to get to his ex girlfriend.

They had easily stumbled on the secret affair between the Vampire and the Slayer. Riley had suspected the two would be involved by now. He had known Buffy well
enough to realize that she would not go public with her relationship with another vampire. He had seen the attraction between the two even before he left. Knowing how the Scoobies felt about Spike, there was no way that Buffy would be openly involved with him. Riley’s suspicions had been right on all counts.

His pose with Sam as a married couple, happily in love and fighting the good fight with first class weaponry, had been the perfect method to make the Slayer even more uncomfortable with her love life choices, her entire life actually. Part of Riley felt sorry for his former love; the other part could only feel that Buffy deserved the pain for betraying her calling once again.

Sam had known Riley Finn ever since her mother, the late Dr. Maggie Walsh, had pulled him from Special Forces and made him her top muscle with the Initiative. He was like a brother to Sam and that had helped make their easy familiarity so believable to Buffy and her friends. The Scoobies had been almost too easy to fool. The conspirators had made sure to not have Sam come into any contact with the vampire, however. Spike was unnaturally observant and would have raised a question or two that might have ruined the entire plan.

It had been a gift to arrange for the vampire to be egg-sitting some Ferrisite offspring. For once, being overheard while discussing the plan with Sam had been a blessing. Enemies made strange bedfellows, indeed!

Riley knew that Buffy wouldn’t know the way Suvoltes bred and if they were egg layers or not. He figured that all he had to do was identify the eggs as Suvolte and imply that Spike was dealing in demonic weapons of mass destruction and Buffy would accept his word at face value. He also knew that she wouldn’t stake the vampire either, but it would end the relationship. Everything had gone according to plan, perfect in
every aspect.

Now all they had to do was immobilize Hostile 17, take him to headquarters and the lab so the doctors could do their tests before allowing Riley the pleasure of ending the vampire’s existence once and for all.

The Initiative had lost the American government funding that had been so useful for years. However, any great idea could find funding elsewhere. The many medical and military personnel from the Initiative that had been involved based on a deep belief in their work went along with the reorganization. The addition of some disgruntled former members of the Watchers Council had added to the store of knowledge of the demon world and the world of Slayers as well.

The resulting group was now made up of true believers, those who sought to rid the world of every demon on it while discovering and using anything they could from those demons. The group was well funded and used as mercenaries for more than one international government in need of demon eradication.

The former Watchers Council members were few, but their skills were quite an asset. They knew more Slayer and Demon lore than the Initiative had ever been able to collect. That knowledge had made some of the experiments unnecessary and saved plenty of time. A few demon species had been completely wiped from the planet because no further information was needed from working on them.

There were a handful of former "wet works" Council members that had joined as well. They were well versed in methods of killing the various beasts. They had a particular hatred for the current Slayers due to their consorting with Vampires and going soft on certain members of the demon population.

In their opinion, both the current Slayers should have been "put down" and a proper Slayer called. The sloppy Watchers who had allowed the girls to get out of hand should be punished as well.

The one responsible for the acting Slayer had been removed and was undergoing re-education in London even now. The other, Wyndam-Pryce, had thrown his lot in with one of the worst of the creatures he had sworn to eliminate. Although, if informants could be believed, there was now some kind of estrangement there and the vampire had turned on the former Watcher.

The doctors who had served under Maggie Walsh had a special interest in Hostile 17. He was the only vampire they had chipped who was still among the living. He should have been finished a few months after his escape. Just why the vampire was still functioning was a puzzle that the doctors were determined to solve. To do so meant recovering Hostile 17.

Riley had volunteered immediately. He had issues of his own where Spike was concerned, as did Sam. The higher powers of the organization had a vague knowledge of the issues Colonel Finn had with the Slayer, but knew he could be counted on to keep his head and get the job done.

They also knew he had some personal grudge against the escaped Hostile and to sweeten the deal they had promised, when the doctors were done, Finn could have the duty of terminating the vampire with extreme prejudice and a blind eye to the method Finn chose to use. Riley had looked like a child at Christmas at the prospect. Payback was going to taste sweet.


Their first contact in Sunnydale was a short, long-tailed demon who looked more like a middle-aged librarian than anything else. He went by the name of Doc and he too had a score to settle with the Slayer and her Vampire lover.

Doc had been hiding, keeping a low profile, ever since he had recovered from the injuries he had incurred in his fall from the tower the previous year.His only source of joy had been realizing that the Slayer was dead, until he heard the rumors that she lived yet again. From that moment on, Doc had a purpose in his life: revenge. The Vampire and the Slayer were going to suffer enough to wish that Doc had been successful in opening the portals and letting loose the hordes of demons in this dimension.

When he overheard Riley Finn laying groundwork for his plan to entrap the vampire, Doc’s ears perked up. He offered his services and an additional idea to the
original plan. In return, he was going to be allowed to help Finn when it came time to put an end, a slow end, to the soulless traitor of a demon that was Spike.

In the months of planning and laying groundwork for the plan, Doc looked for just the right go between. He spotted the Ravnar, Argot, as he was shuffling off to hunt up supper for his family. The payment Argot received from Doc in making the deal with Spike was enough to allow him to take his large brood and move to a cooler, and safer, clime a much richer demon.

Doc felt it money well spent. It hadn’t been too big a step from "Doc" to "The Doctor". Since no one was going to meet this "human researcher", his true identity would go unnoted. He didn’t even have to do anything more than purchase a few Ferrisite eggs. Even better was the fact that the soldier group gave him the needed cash and contacts to make that part the easiest job of his very, very long life.

Naturally, Doc didn’t trust the humans one bit. Having a chance to even the score with the Slayer and her pesky, interfering vampire made his discomfort bearable, however. Doc could hardly contain his excitement at the thought of the look that would surely be on Spike’s face when he saw just who he had been egg-sitting for!

Now all the months of preparation and planning were about to come to fruition. Doc waited at the designated place for his two human co-conspirators to arrive. The box was ready for Spike to be placed inside for transport as their moment of revenge was at hand.

~*~
Chapter 2
~*~

Buffy looked around, half expecting to see Spike at her side, ready for patrol. She found herself feeling the now familiar pangs of disappointment when he was
nowhere to be seen.

The solitary Slayer was only beginning to remember how much she relied on Spike and how much she enjoyed his company, his friendship. She would never admit it to him, of course, but had to acknowledge to herself that he understood her better than anyone in her life ever had. She had thrown away the comfortable companionship they had built when she followed her urges to finally touch and taste the sexy vampire.

The memory of his gentle but firm hands that always knew just where, and how, to touch her body began to seduce her thoughts She could nearly feel his kisses,
hot in their urgency and yet tender at the same time. The sex had been beyond belief. Spike knew her body as well as her mind and soul. In the few short months they had been together, she had experienced things that she had never imagined two people could do to give and receive pleasure. He was single minded and amazingly talented in making sure Buffy was totally satisfied.

Buffy felt herself blush at the memories and was irritated by the overwhelming desire that washed over her. Spike was a tactile being, as was she, and she missed the teasing touches on patrol that subtly led up to a quick run to his crypt to explore those pleasures once again.

Sometimes after patrol Buffy would lay awake, consumed with memories of those nights. She would pull out the memories and let her hand slide beneath the elastic of her panties. As good as it felt, the pleasure was still lacking something. It could never match the passion that had brought down a house. Her hands never seemed to match the skills of her handsome vampire lover.

She remembered when she would kick in his door and pull his head down to hers, tongues seeking tongues, hands moving fast and certain. Their clothing seeming to melt away leaving only perfectly toned body against perfectly toned body. His hands, God, his hands! Moving surely and knowingly over her breasts, tugging on her erect nipples then moving lower and easily finding her wet and waiting quim.

Quim--his word, not hers. The way he said it sounded both dirty and worshipful at the same time. And worship he did, with fingers, tongue and finally, cock.

He always tried to turn it into lovemaking, but Buffy wasn’t having any of that. No sweetness or tenderness, and as little talk as possible. Spike had learned quickly what she wanted and how she wanted it.

Still, he would try to love her, to draw things out. He’d get this longing look on his face and try to say sweet words and turn the touches into caresses. That
was when she would use all those hurtful words, verbally staking him with them, making sure she remembered WHY she COULD not love him. Spike was evil, soulless, a thing really, not human at all; just a dead thing that pretended to be human, pretended to love. Then she would leave, never looking back at the destruction she knew she was leaving behind.

Buffy was sure she had done the right thing in ending it. Her friends would never accept Spike in that part of her life, they barely tolerated his help in the demon killing. Buffy had also finally accepted that the vampire had deeply felt emotions and truly did love her. She knew she had hurt him and just wanted to stop the pain.

She had gone from words chosen to build walls for herself and push him away to actual fists that had nearly killed him. Spike might have been unable to get up from the alley where she had left his bruised and bloodied body, after pouring out all of her self hatred on him. He could have dusted in the sunrise because of her, because of loving her. All the unbelievably pleasurable sex in the world wasn’t worth the pain
they were both enduring. Eventually, one of them was sure to kill the other, even though they had both lost the desire to do that years before.

With all that weighing on her mind, Buffy’d had no choice but to cut her losses. Spike didn’t deserve the kind of hurt she had been dishing out and she could
never, ever allow herself to openly love another vampire. She had lost too many loved ones to risk that. Still, she missed him, felt for him. She still looked for him, even a passing glimpse would do. No matter what her head might say, her heart still hurt when he wasn’t there.

She hadn’t really expected him to show up to Xander’s ill fated non-wedding. Buffy knew that Anya had invited Spike, but it was too soon since Buffy had ended the sick relationship that had passed as her love life for months now. No, the only surprise that day had been Xander walking out and leaving Anya to face a roomful of his family and their friends with the message that no marriage was going to take place.

Buffy wasn’t sure who she felt sorriest for: Xander who walked away from the only happiness he had seemed to have in all of the years Buffy had known him, or Anya who had hung her whole human existence on the man she loved. They were both loose cannons at this point. Running away had not helped Xander pull out of the depression he still wore like a heavy winter coat. Now Anya had disappeared and that worried the Slayer part of Buffy to no end.

Love was hard. Even a couple so obviously in love as Xander and Anya hadn’t gotten it right. No wonder Buffy had the track record she did. For years she had thought her only chance at happiness had a big fat curse attached to it. Since then, she had come to realize that Angel was in her past, but she couldn’t seem to see anyone in her future either.

Her last meeting with Angel, just after her return from the dead, had been awkward and the conversation stilted. Her long lost love seemed to be holding back a
lot of information about his life now. He could hardly wait to return to LA, and seemed vastly relieved when Buffy said she needed to get home.

Of course they had never been known for long, deep, talks, baring their souls to one another. It had all been about the passion of first love and the taste of forbidden fruit. Buffy would always love Angel, but she recognized the kind of love it was, at least. That last meeting had underscored that.

As for Spike…well, Buffy knew she had feelings for him. She simply refused to give a name to those feelings. She didn’t dare. She scarcely dared to think of him at all, but found herself unable to stop.

Buffy hadn’t seen a sign of Spike in weeks. Of course, after the last visit she had made to her former lover, she hadn’t actually sought him out. She had still expected him to come around though. Buffy had expected pleas and threats to get her to change her mind. If she were honest, Buffy was a bit disappointed that Spike just seemed to accept her ending their relationship without a word.

She watched for signs of him as she patrolled. In truth, that was the time when she wouldn’t have minded running into him. Patrols had been much easier with Spike acting as her back-up, fighting at her side. She had been more bruised and banged up since patrolling alone than she had been in years. She missed Spike. "At least, on patrol, that is", she qualified to herself.

In fact, just last week she could have really used Spike at her side. The Slayer had been nearly skewered by an ugly, waxy-looking demon with a wicked poison that could have really messed up her mind according to Willow. The Gargle….something demon had attacked Buffy just outside the place where the Scoobies had tracked the three nerds. It had only been a lucky blow from Buffy that had killed the big ugly. If Spike had been along, it would have been easily dealt with. Yes, she missed Spike on patrol a lot.

Buffy’s mind continued to be on everything else but patrolling and she had been surprised by four vampires newly risen from the grave. She should have been able to stake them in seconds, blindfolded, but instead found herself on the ground fighting for her life. Buffy had to keep her attention focused on her duty and forget the rest of it. She had patrolled on her own in the past and would just have to get back in the groove. That didn’t mean, however, that she had stopped wondering where Spike was and why he had been invisible for ages.

She hoped he hadn’t staked himself when she dumped him. Buffy felt her heart race in fear at the thought that he might have done such a thing. ‘No. He’d never do that. He would never just give up like that. He’s just laying low is all. Still, I’d better check to be sure he hasn’t passed out and turned into demon chow or something. He’s made a lot of enemies these last few years’, she said to herself. With that excuse, she quickly staked the last of the quartet of newbies, broke off patrol, and headed for Restview Cemetery and Spike’s crypt.

The door was ajar when she got there and the upper level showed signs of abandonment. The lower level still reeked of gun power and decayed demon bodies. There was no sign of Spike having been home lately. "Well, guess he found another place to live after we blew this one up", she muttered. As she turned to leave, however, she stumbled across his leather duster on the floor, abandoned. "What the……? He wouldn’t move and not take this", she decided.

Buffy began to light all the candles he had available in the crypt to do a more complete search. The place was abandoned, but blood was still in the fridge and it
didn’t look like his stuff was gone. His housekeeping had improved a lot since they had started spending lots of time in the crypt, but now it looked dusty and unkempt. There were subtle signs of a fight, with an overturned table and scattered books and bottles. Of course that could have been Spikeexercising his temper, she thought. "What the hell does this mean?", Buffy asked herself. She began to feel the fine threads of worry creep into her mind over her missing ex-lover.

She knew that she had hurt Spike badly by ending their relationship, but could not grasp the idea of what it might mean, this mess and no Spike. If he had left town, he would have taken his stuff. If he had moved, he would have taken it, too. No, the only thing not present was Spike. From the looks of everything, he hadn’t been there in quite a while.

How was she going to find him? Tara! She’d go find Tara and have the witch do a locator spell to find out where Spike had gone, if he was alright. Tara had seemed to be okay with knowing about their affair and Buffy was sure she could be trusted. Tara even seemed to actually like Spike, so she would be concerned about him, too. Tara was even around more now that she and Willow were slowly working their way back together. Yes, Buffy had a plan. It was time to act.

~*~
Chapter 3
~*~

"Hey, Buffster, Will’s found something in that bunch of stuff you found at Nerd Central the other night. Well, something more useful than that great stack of
classic X-Men comics that I now currently own", Xander said. His greeting sounded cheery enough, but they all knew his heart was still hurting from the wedding that wasn’t.

"She’s on the phone to the G-man right now about it. Seems the losers have something that lets them call demons from other dimensions like that escapee from Madame Tussaud’s you tussled with the other night. That makes them highly dangerous instead of just dangerously laughable. Will thinks Giles might even fly back to help us pull the plug on the mighty evil empire of lameness", he said. "Will also found out that they have cameras watching all of us. Not too sure what all they’ve seen, or how many cameras, but can I just say "ewwwwww" at the thought of any of them lurking around me at all", he said.

Buffy felt her heart leap at the thought of Giles coming back. She had missed him so much more than she had ever missed Hank, her own father. She wasn’t sure they needed him to defeat the three idiots that had been playing with her life, but she wasn’t about to tell Giles that.

Tara came in from the kitchen where she had been making a pot of tea for the Scoobies to drink while they continued their research into the self proclaimed "arch nemisises" of Buffy. She noticed the roughed up appearance of her Slayer friend and the rather bleak look on Buffy’s face.

"What’s wrong, Buffy, did something bad happen on patrol tonight. You l.l.l.look like some evil thing got a little too close for comfort. Anything we can help with?"Tara asked.

"Nah, you’re talking to SuperSlayer there, Tara", said Xander. He glanced at his second best friend and shrugged off her bedraggled appearance with a flash of a grin. "The only evil thing that’s been too close for comfort lately has been Spikey, and he’s been MIA for a while now, so no problemo, eh Buffy?", he continued.

"Actually, I could have used his strength and fighting skills tonight from the way my mind was doing the out to lunch thing. Four new vamps had me on the ropes for a while, if you can believe that. I think I just need a bit more rest than I’ve been getting lately. Mind if I skip the joys of research and just go take a nice cold shower, er, hot bath? I’ll get with Will after to get the low down on Warren and his minions. I hope Giles does come, we need to get rid of the distractions from those idiots and concentrate on plain old fashioned demon killing again".

"Sure, Buff, I’ll let Willow know you’re back in one piece and that she needs to fill you in after you’re squeaky clean Buffy again", Xander replied.

Tara followed Buffy into the kitchen as Buffy began to poke in the refrigerator looking for something to munch on while getting the bath water run. Slaying always caused Buffy to have certain needs to make themselves known. She could, at least, take care of one of them.

"Buffy, is it Spike?" Tara asked quietly. "I thought you had decided to stop seeing him, not that you had to, in my opinion. I mean, it’s okay if you do stop, but you don’t have to. Is it something to do with him that has you in such a mood? Your aura just screams sad and worried. You know I’m here if you want to talk or, you know, need anything".

Tara was proud that the Slayer had chosen to turn to her for counsel and comfort these last few months. She had always felt on the fringe of the group, a Scooby through marriage in a way, accepted because of her relationship with Willow. Actually, Tara was more sympathetic to Spike than the others because she sensed the same thing happening to him without the marginal acceptance. He was there fighting the good fight, but not being let in. Tara also knew how it felt to be in a relationship that was being kept as a dirty secret. She didn’t want to interfere, but deep down didn’t understand how Buffy could just walk away from the kind of love that seemed to drive the vampire. Then again, Spike had never tried to kill her, so maybe she wasn’t the best judge.

"I was going to come by your place tomorrow to talk about this, the walls having ears and all here. Spike is missing and it doesn’t look like it was exactly his idea. I was kinda hoping you could do a locator to make sure he’s, you know, still undead and all. I can’t ask Willow since she’s off the magics and I think it will take a bit of magic to find out where he went. I haven’t seen him since just after Riley and Sam left and I’m pretty worried. He left his duster and you know he never goes anywhere without that.", Buffy explained.

"Have you changed your mind, you know, about the whole Spuffy thing? You seem more than worried. Lately you have just really been radiating a sad aura that is strong enough for anyone sensitive to see. Remember, it’s okay to love him if you want to and I’m sure he’d be glad to get back together with you if you did", Tara said.

"The only radiating I remember was wearing that godawful dress to Xan’s wedding", Buffy tried to quip.

Neither girl had noticed Xander in the doorway of the kitchen. They did, however, hear the sound of his teacup as it shattered when it fell from his hand.

"Tell me I didn’t just hear what I think I heard. Buffy, you haven’t been seduced by the ‘Great White Hopeless’ have you?! God, after Angel, I was sure you’d never make that mistake again. Geez, Spike doesn’t even have a soul, Buff". Xander was incredulous.

"Spike might not have a soul, but he’s changed Xander and even you have to admit it". Tara was impassioned in her defense of the two tortured lovers. "He really does love Buffy. Remember last summer and how he stayed to help us and look after Dawn. He didn’t have any possible reward for that, yet he saved all of our lives more than once. He did it because he loved Buffy and knew she’d want him to help her friends. We can’t always chose who we care about, Xander, and it’s really Buffy’s decision who she should be with", Tara reminded him.. She felt t like she was defending herself and Willow by proxy, so her comments were charged with emotion.

"Xander, it’s over. I ended it. I knew it couldn’t work with Spike as ‘evil vampire’ and me with the calling to kill his kind. I’m not totally crazy. I learned way too much with Angel, so yes, I won’t let myself make that mistake again. Spike is just, WAS just, so kind, so understanding, when you guys brought me back. We
got close and, well, things happened. After the dancing demon guy you brought to town, well, we kinda kissed and things just got out of hand. It’s over, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care if he’s okay or not. Look, like it or not, Spike loves me, and he took the breakup hard. You should have seen his eyes, God!" Buffy’s voice had begun to quiver.

"Sounds like you maybe care about Spike too", Xander said. His face showed how much he wanted her to answer in the negative. "Please say that isn’t the case so I won’t have nightmares tonight", he pleaded with her.

Willow entered the kitchen and quickly caught on to the topic that was causing the tension among her loved ones. "Buffy, Xander doesn’t mean you’d be doing anything wrong. I mean, you can’t help loving someone", she said with a knowing look at Tara. "You know we’d back you up no matter who you love. Just so long as you’re happy, Buff. I mean, Spike hasn’t even tried to kill any of us in a long time and Tara is right, he’s even saved our lives a few times. I guess we could handle it if you were attracted to his pale, sexy goodness. After all, Xander almost married an ex-demon, he should understand. And you know, Riley leaving like he did and then Spike helping out with Glory and all, it would make sense if you were a little attracted", Willow said. She put on her best supporty face while looking from one friend to the other.

"I guess a rebound thing makes sense, Buffy, but I’m glad to hear you got over it", Xander said.

"Who said I’m over anything?! God, I don’t even know what I feel. All I’ve felt since it started was scared-- scared I’d lose my friends, scared I’d lose myself,
scared Giles would find out and have to tell the Council that their Slayer was drooling over another vampire, one without a soul this time. I really like him, guys. He’s different from the way he was when he was planning to kill us. Spike does love me and he really has tried to do good. That’s pretty amazing, especially since he doesn’t have a soul. I don’t know what I feel about Spike, okay, I just know I feel something. Right now, all I feel is worried that he’s gone missing", she said. The tears that welled in her eyes gave proof to her friends that Buffy was feeling something towards the irritating vampire, something powerful.

"I think I’d better leave now and take my not so happy thoughts with me. I’ll see you all tomorrow and we can get back to important things like nerd stompage", Xander said. With that, he turned and left the Summers’ house, leaving three confused girls in his wake.

"Buffy, Xander will be okay. He loves you no matter what. He just can’t get past the whole vampire thing, you know. Last summer he was even starting to act like he might even like Spike in a way. They shot pool together and hit the Bronze a time or two. I think it’s just the whole thing with Jesse and then Angel and remembering Spike’s a vampire that causes him to just reject any relationship between Spike and any of us. But you know Xander will always love you. We all will, won’t we Tara?" .

Tara nodded vigorously, overcome with tenderness for Buffy and love for Willow’s supporty side.

"I think I have a spell that Tara could use to try to find Spike", Willow promised and went upstairs to get the spell book with the locator in it.

"Do you love him, Buffy?" Tara asked quietly.

"I honestly don’t know, Tara. I haven’t let myself even think it through. I just know I miss him. I miss being with him and not just the sex, either. I can’t stand the thought of never seeing him again. I don’t even know if I CAN love, not just Spike. I’ve been frozen inside for so long I’m not sure there’s anything there anymore. It’s like Angel took my ability to love with him when he left. I didn’t want Riley to go, but it wasn’t any real heartbreak either. I never even gave him much thought until he came back with the Stepford wife. Then I feel my heart drop to think of never seeing Spike again and I just don’t know… Is that love? I don’t know. I just want him back and safe. I can worry about the Buffy-in-love soap opera later", she sighed.

"I think I’m going to take that bath now, if you don’t mind", Buffy said in a tired voice.

She ran into Willow on the stairs and started to say her goodnights.

"Oh, Buffy, I meant to tell you that Giles is coming back as soon as he can book a flight. He thinks that if these guys are summoning demons they might be more
dangerous than we thought, especially if they’re clueless about what they’e summoning. Maybe we shouldn’t tell Giles about Spike until later. Maybe even until he goes back to England I’m thinking. It will be enough to get Xander down to a simmer without having Giles go spastic on you too. I think I see why you were afraid to let any of us know. Don’t worry, Buffy, just take your bath and get some rest. It will all work out, you’ll see". Willow’s smile, and her faith in the future,were reassuring..

~*~
Chapter 4
~*~

The next morning Xander arrived just as he had promised. He brought the ever popular donuts and greeted Willow warmly. "You the only one up yet, Will? Guess Buffy needed to sleep in a bit and it’s not every Saturday she has the day off lately"

Willow looked at her oldest friend with compassion. He was going through problems of his own now, having left Anya at the altar. Xander was living in denial about his own problems and was frightening Buffy into sharing that condition too. Willow knew his good mood was mostly a front and she was loathe to add to the list of things bothering Xander, but it was time to deal with reality. Their friendships had to allow each of them to exercise free will.

Willow clearly remembered how afraid she had been to reveal her love for Tara. She knew how big a step it was for Buffy to admit that she had anything but a hate relationship with Spike. Willow also shared Xanders fears for Buffy’s safety and happiness. Still when all was said and done, it was Buffy’s choice to make and Xander needed to keep from destroying another important relationship in his life.

Willow prepared herself for some harsh words from Xander, she knew that his seemingly chipper mood wouldn’t last once she opened the can of worms labeled, ‘vampire issues’. Still, after all that Buffy had revealed, and all that Willow suspected Buffy left unsaid, she knew that the Xander bomb had to be defused as soon as possible for all of their sakes.

"Xander, I love you so much, you know that, but don’t you think you should put aside your feelings about Spike, about vampires in general, around Buffy? I mean, I get where you are coming from. I was at the factory too, remember. It was my face that had the glass bottle kissing it. I get where you don’t trust the new improved Spike, but it’s not about us. Willow paused for a moment, her eyes begging Xander to understand, before she continued.

"Buffy is lonely. She’s never going to be a normal girl with a normal life. Hey, Riley was sorta super normal guy and even he couldn’t make it last with her. She seems to need something that a normal guy just doesn’t have to offer. It’s kinda sad that Buffy’s this big, bad superhuman slayer and yet too scared of her best friends deserting her to even try to enjoy some lovin’, don’t you think? I mean, either they’d work out and Buffy would finally be happy, or Spike would go all bad and we’d dust him, or it would just end on its own. The point is that friends are supposed to be forever and love and support each other even if they make lousy love choices or walk out on their weddings".

Xander looked both pained and embarrassed as he listened. God knew he loved Willow like she was his own sister and Buffy was the best friend either of them had ever had.

"I stayed up last night thinking about things," he admitted. I know you’re right. I know that Buffy has the same right to pick any living or undead guy she wants to and she’s an adult and can do adulty things with them, too. I just worry, you know. God, she changed so much after Angel. I don’t think she could survive anything like that again." Xander raised his hand to stave off the impassioned reply that appeared to be on the tip of Willow’s tongue. "Yeah, yeah, I know that Spike isn’t like Angel at all, but he IS a vampire and that can’t be of the good. Still, you’re right, it is her bed to make and lie in…..and I would like to just take back the images those last words brought with them". His smile was a weak one as he looked at Willow, but it was sincere.

"Maybe it would help Buffy a lot if you said all of that to her", Willow advised. "It wouldn’t hurt to tell her before Giles gets here, too. She doesn’t need both of you ganging up on her over Spike issues. She doesn’t even need to WORRY that you’ll gang up on her about this. Spike is gone for now and we’ll deal after Giles goes back to the Motherland, okay?"

"Yeah, I get it. I’ll talk to Buffy when she comes down, before we go into research mode. I can’t say I am happy with this, but then I’m not a happy guy lately anyway, am I? No need for everyone else to be gloomy and alone, I guess. Hey, looks like you and Tara are makin’ with the lovey eyes again. Any hope for a quick lesbiconciliation, and please forget I just used that word." Xander had the grace to look sheepish at this point.

"Looks like I might not have totally blown things, yeah. We’re takin’ it slow, but we’ve met for coffee a few times since your weddi……um..lately. I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed, though. How about you, Xan, how are you holding up?", she asked him.

"Yeah, well there aren’t enough fingers and toes in all of Sunnydale to help me out I guess. I really didn’t mean for that to happen. I just, you know, don’t want to repeat history and hurt An. Guess it’s too late for that to matter. I don’t think I could hurt her more than I did", he answered. Willow could see from his face that the wounds were raw indeed.

"Speaking of the man in tweed, any word on when Giles is coming?", Xander asked in a sudden change of subject.

"Yes, he called this morning to give me his flight information. That’s why I got up so early. I don’t think Buffy even heard the phone ring. She cried herself to sleep last night. I didn’t want to make it worse, so I didn’t go to her room, but I could hear her through the wall. She’s really hurting, Xan", Willow said. Her face showed the worry she felt for her friend’s emotional well being.

"When do I pick him up?" Xander asked, ignoring the implications of Willow’s comment about Buffy’s sleeping issues.

"Well, he is supposed to get in here at 1:06 p.m. tomorrow on the shuttle flight from LAX. I imagine he’ll be kinda jet lagged for a while after he gets in. Xan, please don’t bring up Spike, okay?" Willow’s reminder was gentle yet firm.

"Fear not, o beauteous witch, The Xanman knows when to keep his mouth shut. I say that in spite of numerous examples that might make that look like a lie", he said.

"So who’s the liar and what’s the lie?", asked a sleepy looking Buffy. "Are those donuts I see there? I think I need the extra sugary goodness that comes in a Krispy Kreme box today. That, and a whole pot of coffee", she mumbled.

"Xander was just saying that he’s learned tact and diplomacy. You can fill in the blanks about liars and the lies they tell", Willow teased.

"Yeah, um, speaking of which, Buffy, I think I should say something about, you know, the whole ickyness that is Spike and you", he began. He cleared his throat as he caught the glare that Willow was giving him at the way he had started his "supportive talk".

"What I mean to say is……you know I hate the guy. He’s a vamp and I don’t trust him, plus there’s the whole, ‘I’m gonna drain you all when I get this chip out’ thing …which I’ll admit he hasn’t said in a long time. And, yeah, he’s helped a lot this past year or so and sometimes not just to get something in return. I guess what I am saying is that I may not feel like throwing a party or being his best man or anything, but if you get back together with Spike, I won’t make life a living hell for you. But, I also get to be first in line to stake his ass if he hurts you. I think that’s only fair, and a guy can only hope. Also, I’m not gonna say anything to Giles about the sleeping with the enemy stuff. If you want him to know, it’ll be up to you to tell him. I’m your friend for life, Buffy, and if Spike’s good to you I’ll try to stay off his back", Xander said, sincerity shining through his eyes.

Buffy burst into tears and raced from the kitchen scaring both Xander and Willow.

"What did I say, Will? I thought that was what I was supposed to say to be supporto friend and all. What’s wrong with the Buffster?", he asked.

Buffy made it to the sofa in the living room before she sat down and let the tears fall as they seemed determined to do. She had never expected the kind of reactions she was getting from her friends over the whole Spike thing. Okay, Xander wasn’t happy, but he wasn’t ballistic either. Willow even seemed to be pro-Spike all of a sudden and Tara looked to be even more on his side than she had when Buffy initially confided in her.

Had she been wrong to be afraid? Could she have made the worst error of her life by ending what she was starting to have with Spike? Had she sent away the best thing that had ever happened to her, thrown away the strongest love anyone had ever felt for her? Was it too late to even think she might have a chance to fix this mess?

~*~
Chapter 5
~*~

Giles looked tired and drawn when he finally settled into Dawn’s old room. The weary Watcher hadn’t been able to sleep well since the call from Willow nearly a week before. Magic and demon summoning were dangerous even for a well-trained practitioner. In the hands of rank, childish, amateurs or megalomaniacs, it was usually fatal to all involved. He well remembered his days as Ripper and the fallout from that mess.

It pained him to realize his Buffy might be at risk, not from demons or hellgods, but wankers who had read too many graphic novels and attended one too many Dr. Who conventions. Giles only hoped he was not too late to avert such a disaster. Bloody stupid children to play with such powerful elements! While they might deserve whatever happened to them, Buffy sure as blazes didn’t!

He had been called on the carpet in London for loose handling of his Slayer. They had insisted that he undergo retraining in how to be a field Watcher to an active Slayer. He had been utterly humiliated at their attitude, but withstood it to stay in his position as Buffy’s watcher.

He’d be double damned if he would lose her again, lay her in the ground one more time. Rupert had felt his heart literally break the last time, felt like he’d aged a decade at least. He had a second chance now. Perhaps the Council had a point; he had to do things right if his Slayer hoped to survive on the Hellmouth.
And Giles had every intention of seeing Buffy reach an age that would cause the Council to write a policy that included retirement benefits for Slayers. If that meant retraining for him and a different attitude towards Buffy, so be it.

First on the agenda, however, was going to be a bit of a nap. He’d just traveled nearly halfway around the globe and it felt as if he’d walked most of it! Buffy was at work right now and Willow was still at school.. He knew that Xander wouldn’t be back until the building crew finished up at the construction site and that allowed plenty of time for some shut-eye.

It was so hard to think of the "children" as working and being adults. It seemed only the yesterday that they were silly upper level twits, quipping and staking
while worrying over proms and principals and who was dating whom. It was also strange not to see Anya firmly attached to Xander’s hip. Her bluntness was oftimes embarrassing, yet refreshing in its own way. Anya’s candor had proven useful on more than one occasion, as had the girl herself.

Giles slept the morning through, his peaceful slumbers uninterrupted until mid afternoon when the house came alive again with its inhabitants arrival.

Willow got home first. She had convinced Tara to come home with her and eat supper before the big meeting. Willow looked forward to spending time with Giles again, despite the fact that they hadn’t parted on the best of terms.

Willow had done and said many things while on her magic high. Her success in bringing back Buffy had turned bitter to the taste once she had discovered
that she had pulled her best friend from Heaven rather than rescuing her from a hell dimension. When she had last talked to Giles for any length of time, Willow’s
arrogant and ill considered words spoken after Buffy’s return had hung in the air between them, nearly visible in their weight.

Willow had always adored Giles, even had a crush on him that first year after high school. She desperately coveted his good opinion again. She had been trying so very hard to stay away from all things magic. The personal cost to her had been much more than she was willing to pay. If Tara was beginning to see Willow’s determination and come around, maybe Giles could respect her again after this visit, too.

At any rate, Willow was glad for multiple reasons that Tara was with her for this meeting. Tara was her rock, her true strength. Willow had only forgotten that fact for a short, tragic time. She wasn’t going to blow this second chance, not with Tara and not with Giles.

Giles was just coming down the stairs as the girls moved from the entryway towards the kitchen.

"Hey, Giles. How was the trip? Not too bumpy, I hope. Do you want me to have Tara make a proper pot of tea for you? She’s gotten really good at it, no bags at all", Willow said in greeting.

"Willow, Tara. Yes, thank you, a cuppa sounds lovely about now. I’ve only just risen and need to clear the remaining cobwebs. The flight was fine, a bit of turbulence over the Rocky Mountains, but not bad otherwise. It was a bit more unnerving to see my seatmate reading a book about the Donner party as we were being tossed about over that area though", he joked.

"Oh, hehe, yeah, the Donner party and "guess who’s coming to dinner" in the wild mountains….I get it". Willow gave a light laugh.

The three stood in awkward silence for one moment before Willow could stand it no longer and flung herself on the Watcher saying, "God, Giles, I’m so glad you came. We’ve missed you so much and have really made some awful mistakes without you here.
Please say you’ll stay. We need you, we ALL need you"..

Her hug nearly knocked the stuffing out of Giles, but his slightly embarrassed smile showed he didn’t really mind. These young people were, in many ways, like his own children. He hated being estranged from any of them.

"Oh, Willow, mistakes are all a part of growing up, you know that. You have been doing quite well I have been told. You’ll make a fine sorceress once you are ready to properly train. I’ve been talking to the head of a coven that does some work for the Council. She says that after you have distanced yourself from the darkness you embraced, they would love to have you come--both of you, Tara too-- and study proper magics. You can never remove the powers from yourself. In time you will need to learn how to use them as they are intended to be used. I am quite proud of you for stopping when you did and avoiding the temptation to slip back into easy fixes".

As if they had been magic themselves, Giles’ words melted all the uncomfortable feelings and their joyful reunion was unmarred by past words and deeds. Forgiveness was the best, most powerful magic ever created.

The three shared tea and stories with much laughter and love as they waited for Buffy to return home from another long shift at the burger hell of Sunnydale.

"Oh, I can just see Mr. Travers choking on that", exclaimed Willow as she collapsed in laughter, picturing the scene that Giles had just described. They were all still laughing when Buffy came in through the back door.

"Hi guys, Giles! Boy, am I glad to see you! What’s the funny?", she asked the giggling group.

"Mr. Giles was just telling us about something that happened at the Watchers Council last month. He’d have to tell it to really make you see it in all its glory. It’s enough to say that Mr. Travers and mud, lots of mud, do not mix well", Tara said and began to laugh once again.

"I’d love to hear it. Love to see it actually. Hmm, Quentin Travers and mud, I’m kinda liking the mind pictures that gives me", said Buffy.

Giles got up from the table and circled it to hug Buffy to him and whisper, "My dear girl, how I have missed you". Buffy felt herself tear up in response. She was making way too much with the weepies lately, she decided. "I’ve missed you so much, too, Giles. Please don’t disappear again. I’m no good with goodbyes", she said into his jacket.

"Yes, well, I suppose we should begin to sort out this problem with Lex Luthor and his henchmen. The sooner we put these boys in the hands of the human authorities the better. Why don’t you go up and get cleaned up and comfortable, Buffy. We need to wait for Xander to get here anyway", said Giles.

Willow followed Buffy up the stairs to have a private word with her. "Buffy, Tara and I are still looking for a good spell to find Spike. I just wanted you to know
that we are on it and haven’t forgotten"..

Buffy looked at Willow and sighed, "I could sure use things to start going right for a change. Thanks, Will. You haven’t said anything to Giles yet, have you?"

"Nope, not a word will pass these lips", Willow said and made a pantomine of zipping her lips shut. "I figure what Giles doesn’t know won’t hurt us", she said with a smile.

"’K, I’ll be down in a few minutes. Is Xander bringing pizza or should I call for Chinese?". Despite having spent the last several hours surrounded by what passed for food to the general populace, Buffy’s stomach was growling.

"Already taken care of. Tara ordered Italian on our way over. They should be delivering pasta goodness any minute now".

At that, the doorbell rang and the delivery boy was handing wonderful garlic-y smelling sacks to Giles, who was fishing in his wallet to pay the boy. Xander arrived right behind the delivery boy’s exit and greeted Giles with a warm handshake and the trademark Xander snarkiness. "G-man with an open wallet, just the sight I’ve been dreaming of seeing. What kind of wicked good is in that bag and am I invited?"

"You’re not a vampire, Xander, you don’t need an invitation. And speaking of vampires, I hope it isn’t too much to hope that Spike won’t be joining us
this evening". Looking into the bags, Giles completely missed the worried look that passed between the Scoobies.

~*~
Chapter 6
~*~

Spike awoke in total darkness. For a moment, his memory flashed back to when he’d first risen in his coffin as a vampire. The memory caused panic to flood his mind and he struggled to move his hands to claw his way out. His limbs wouldn’t cooperate, however, and the panic began to increase with each struggling movement. The last memory he had was of that wanker, Finn, and a taser. What did the bastard do, break his bones and bury him?

Collecting himself, Spike stopped breathing and listened to try to discover as much as he could about his circumstances. He could hear voices talking all at once. "Well, then, seems I’m above ground at least", he thought to himself.

"……told you it wouldn’t be a problem. I knew he’d be drunk. Predictable Spike, gets his toys taken away and crawls into a bottle". Definitely the wanker speaking there..

"Still, Ri, you should have had backup. He may be chipped, but he’s still strong enough to cause trouble. I would have been more than happy to come along. Could
have gotten a few licks in myself in mother’s honor, too". The second voice was feminine and completely unfamiliar.

"If you two will just stop with the water under the bridge, we can load this thing up for transport. The docs will be waiting to get busy on him and we are wasting
time here rehashing the decisions of the past", added another, also unknown, male voice.

"THIS Doc would like to know why there does not seem to be any place for me in this helicopter. You promised that I would be there to see him get what’s coming to him", said yet a third male. This voice sounded vaguely familiar to Spike, although he couldn’t place it. The sound of it managed to ring warning bells in his mind, however, and he was sure that the memory tickling his consciousness was not going to be a good one where this blighter was concerned.

"Yes, well, you’ve been of great help. But you see, you are a demon and we kill demons", Finn said matter of factly.

Spike heard much shouting and scuffling. Then whatever he was encased in was knocked about and finally toppled over, setting Spike ass over teakettle in a headstand.

Outside, Spike could still hear the sounds of a struggle.

"Watch his tongue, Ri", warned the female.

"Get the taser, damn it. Hit him!", yelled Finn.

The struggle continued for some time until suddenly everything grew quiet. Spike felt quite forgotten and was beginning to get a headache from the blood rushing to
his brain.

"You okay?" The female’s voice sounded concerned.

"Yeah, bastard was hard to kill. Wonder what kind of demon he was anyway?. Maybe we should take the body with us so the docs can check it out", speculated Finn.
"He had some fancy moves for a little old guy though."

Spike suddenly had a vision of a tower, his Bit bleeding and a demon wizard that seemed impossible to kill. "That was the face that went with the voice", Spike realized with a shudder. He’d just bet the old sod wasn’t really dead either. And no way did Spike want to stick around for the encore.

"Hey, you bloody wankers, let me out of this box before I rip my way out and disembowel all of you", Spike yelled from his position upside down in the box.

"Not likely, Bleach Boy. You’re going on a little trip and need to be safely strapped in. We’ll let you out in good time. Welcome back, Hostile 17".

Being called by that name caused chills to run down Spike’s spine. He had the feeling things were rapidly going from bad to worse and he’d better get his
mind working in top order as fast as possible.

The trip was uncomfortable and noisy. It had not been possible to tell anything about the direction they were going or make out any of the conversations. Spike used the time to try to break the bonds that held his arms and legs tightly. If he could just break through, he’d give them a surprise greeting when they opened the box and make his move to freedom while he had half a chance.

Judging by Soldier Boy calling him Hostile 17 and the talk of docs wanting a looky-see at ol’ Spike, it didn’t seem like any party he was wanting to attend any time soon.

Spike was going to have to act quickly if he was going to break away. Where there was one wanker in camo, there was likely to be plenty more. Best be long gone before the reinforcements had any chance of stopping him.

He wondered briefly if Buffy had even noticed he was gone and if she’d even cared enough to find that the crypt was empty. His silent questions were answered when Finn leaned close to the seam in the box to tell Spike that everything had been given Buffy’s seal of approval.

Spike refused to believe the Slayer would be party to his kidnapping, but Finn kept on with the story he was spinning to his captive audience.

"Yup, she didn’t want to help out. Said it wouldn’t feel right after sleeping with you and all, but Buffy knew. I told her that you had to be taken down after the whole demon egg gig. She believed, of course, that you were selling them as weapons. It was great, Spike, she never once questioned me or any of the facts I gave her! See the advantages of being a human being, of having a soul. Gives that edge of credibility. Now you…well, vampires are notorious liars, Spike. If it makes you feel any better, she wasn’t happy about it, but knew you had to be dusted.
I think she was just glad that she didn’t have to be the one to do it. Awkward end to an affair that way, you know. Buffy just seemed more embarrassed than anything else, I guess".

"So, how did it feel to be Angel’s substitute, Spike?" Riley continued his taunting, savoring every harsh word. "Did it drive you crazy to watch her close her eyes and
turn her head? Did she tell you to ‘shut up’ so she could live a fantasy, dream of being held in HIS cold arms? Or, did she try to warm your skin up a bit to pretend you were a real boy? How was it, Spike? Was it worth it….being convenient? What was it you said to me? Something about having her, yet not having her I think it was". Finn’s guesses were far too close to reality for Spike to totally dismiss.

"I’m going to enjoy our time together, Spike. I’ve got lots of plans for your entertainment. I can promise that I plan to leave you screaming. Of course the doctors have to do their bit first….a bit of vivisection and poke ‘n’prod I’m guessing. Still, there’ll be plenty of you left for me to play with for a while, ‘til I get bored and send what’s left of you to hell", he threatened.

Spike believed the part about Finn’s plans for him, but he could only hope the part about Buffy knowing had been a lie.

All the years they had danced their dance, she had never truly, wholeheartedly attempted to dust him. If that was what she wanted now, he’d rather be dust anyway.

Still, being dusted and being a toy for a sadist wasn’t the same thing. Spike wasn’t going to go down without a fight. He had plenty of experience, thanks to his early days with Angelus, to fall back on. There wasn’t much they could do to him that he hadn’t already survived. Okay, the threat of vivisection was new, but Spike felt he’d be up to the challenge when he had to be. He might be down, but he was far from dust.



~*~
Chapter 7
~*~

Among the papers Buffy had taken from the abandoned Nerd Central were notes on a planned robbery. The trio of tricksters had carelessly left all the necessary information for someone to find and figure out the planned time and place.

Their intended target was an armored car that would be carrying the profits from
an amusement park. The trio of criminals had not expected Buffy to survive the lame yet effective buzz saw that had booby-trapped their lair but only done
minor damage to Buffy’s coat.

The Scoobies made plans to stop the robbery and arrange for the police to come at the proper time. This would allow Buffy to handle any supernatural elements of the plan without having to make up some unbelievable story for the authorities. Of course, the Sunnydale police seemed to have a limitless capacity when belief needed to be suspended and wild excuses accepted.

The police were the only choice left to the band of heroes since the trio were all human. Giles had stressed that they had to rely on human justice provisions for dealing with human malefactors.

The Scoobies’ plan was simple. Buffy would take them on physically, as usual.
Willow planned to ward off any magic spells Jonathan might try to cast by using a talisman made and blessed by Tara. Xander and Giles would play backup, helping if needed and making the phone call to the police at the right time. Tara would stay at the Summers house chanting protection spells for the Scoobies against any demons the trio might try to summon.

Actually, Willow was only going along because she had begged to be allowed to be there to finally put an end to the irritating group of geeks. It was obvious from
the way she had said their names that she felt the same disappointment in Jonathan as Xander and Buffy did. They had gone to school with the boy and would never
have expected him to choose the dark side.

Willow had been in a magic group with him in High School. Now, she was planning to be there to see him jailed for the rest of his youth. They had much in common, two "geeks" playing with magic to puff themselves up.

Buffy remembered her treasured parasol award that Jonathan had presented to her at the prom for being the "Class Protector". She recalled the scared, hurt boy she had talked out of suicide once upon a time. She wondered when he had gone so far off course. They had much in common, young people overwhelmed with feelings and self
destructive behavior, drifting off course.

Had Jonathan turned to them for help he would have found eager assistance. Instead, tonight would be his last night of freedom in the foreseeable future. Sad really, but necessary. Their crimes were getting more and more bold and people were getting hurt; a girl had been killed.

The Gang arrived at just the right time. The robbery was already in progress.
Buffy attempted to stop the tallest of the trio, but to no avail. Warren, clearly
the leader of the trio, was mysteriously showing signs of superhuman strength! What was happening here?

The other two boys held themselves back from the fight. They looked nervously at one another. While Andrew called words of encouragement to Warren, Jonathan kept calling out something about "the orbs" and pointing at Warren.

Buffy finally understood that Jonathan was trying to help. She saw a bulge in the pocket of her opponent and broke what proved to be mystically powered orbs. The
fight was soon over as Warren returned to normal human strength.

Willow saw Warren strip off his jacket and expose a weird sci fi style rocket strapped to his back. She lunged at him just as he pulled the cord and they
both shot skyward.

Andrew was attempting the same getaway only to knock himself unconscious as his head hit the roof he had been standing under while the fight had been going on.

Warren and Willow were barely visible as the wannabe bandit struggled to shake off the unwelcome passenger on his odd mode of escape. Finally, he kicked Willow forcefully in the face, knocking her loose and sending her plummeting. She landed in a broken heap on the ground.

Giles had already telephoned the police to pick up the other two misfit miscreants. Buffy had even tied them together so they would be a nicely wrapped package for the usually inept keepers of the law on the hellmouth. Christmas was coming early this year for Sunnydale’s "finest".

Both Giles and Buffy ran to the spot where Willow’s unconscious body now lay, but Xander beat both of them to his fallen friend. "Oh, God, Will, NO! No, you can’t leave me. Willow, don’t leave me. I can’t bury another friend". He kept murmuring softly, words that begged his oldest friend to fight, to stay in the world with him.
He reminded her of Tara and how they were so close to getting back together and that Willow couldn’t do to Tara what he had done to Anya, leaving her alone and grieving. Xander rocked back and forth in his misery, tears streaming down his face, splashing on the battered friend he cradled gently in his arms.

Giles felt himself sicken as he saw Willow’s broken body looking so much like Buffy’s had after her leap from the tower. He quickly checked her vital signs and issued a sigh of relief that Willow was alive--badly hurt, broken and unconscious, but still alive.

Buffy had already pulled out her cell phone and called for an ambulance. As soon as she finished that call, she made another call to Tara to let her know that
Willow needed her and that she should get to the hospital as quickly as possible.

"Yeah, Tara, the keys to mom’s Jeep are on the front table. We’ll meet you there", Buffy promised "Um, I don’t know, she’s kind of unconscious and the paramedics aren’t here yet. Yes, Giles checked. Tara, I don’t know, just get there, okay?" That done, she pocketed the cell phone and headed over to Xander. He appeared as broken in spirit as their friend was in body.

"Xan, she’ll be okay, she’ll be fine. The doctors are great and she’s so strong. Tara’s going to meet us there and you know how strong they are together. Please don’t fall apart on me, Xander. I need you to be 'Strong XanMan' now and so does Willow. You and Giles need to stay here and handle the cops and the ambulance. I’ll meet you at the hospital as soon as I finish this", Buffy pledged. "I’m not good with words, you know that. Give me something pointy and I’m your girl"..

Buffy looked over where she had left the other two criminals and threw her shoulders back, putting a look of determination on her face. She marched over to Andrew and Jonathan and the look she gave them chilled their blood. "Okay, which one of you is going to be smart and tell me where your buddy is, cause I promise you I AM going to get one of you to tell me", she said in a steely voice.

Jonathan had already given up all hope of any happy ending for himself or his two former friends and was more than happy to sic Buffy on Warren.

"You shouldn’t have told her, you butt wipe", whined Andrew. "Warren would have gotten us out of this. We would all be in ‘Meh-he-co’ by tomorrow. We still had
some money from the bank robbery. We could have gone to Brazil like Butch and Sundance and lived like kings".

"Sure, nimrod, and THEY had a real happy ending too, didn’t they? Gunned down in some little Brazilian town by federales. I’d rather live, thank you. The Slayer would have taken us apart if we hadn’t talked. At least we have a chance to get out of prison in a few years with all of our parts intact", Jonathan replied.

"Besides, I like Willow". Jonathan sounded strangely like a lost little boy. I don’t want Warren to get away with killing another woman. That’s not what I signed on for. And, weenie, if you think Warren is going to even THINK about you, you’re deluded. He’s not picturing himself giving you rides on bicycles singing ‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ someplace south of the border".

Buffy had taken off at a run in the direction Jonathan had given her. She had a purpose now and it was one she was good at. Warren was toast. Buffy only hoped he’d try to fight a bit. She might not be able to kill a human, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t play a short game of ‘whack the mole’ if he started it. And oh, how she hoped he would start it!

~*~
Chapter 8
~*~

Spike nearly had released his left foot from its bonds when the box lid was suddenly flung open. Startled, he made a quick kick towards the unknown soldier who was staring in shock at his unexpectedly conscious captive. The soldier took the full force of Spike’s kick and flew backward so hard that others in the area were taken by surprise.

"Subdue the Hostile, soldier", barked another uniformed man. "He gets loose and the damages will come out of your pay packet. This one can do some costly damage too, from what I hear".

Spike had already fumbled his way out of the container they had transported him in and was attempting to use their surprise to gain a little ground. With only his legs truly free, it wasn’t likely that he’d make it, but he’d faced bigger odds before and won. Too much was at stake not to try.

He felt something pierce his right shoulder just below the blade but kept on running in the direction that led away from his captors. Seconds later, another bolt of
pain shot through his left thigh and he looked down to see a tranquilizer dart stuck there.

Quick, he had to be quick, before whatever the darts had in them began to take effect. He had to put distance between himself and the increasingly fuzzy horde of soldiers overtaking him. Spike felt himself stumble, nearly falling. With his hands still secured behind his back, he had no way to rebalance himself and was at great risk of falling on his face.

Just as that realization came to him, Spike felt the blast of the taser hit him and the risk became a reality. He hit the ground full force with no way to break the fall. Before he could try to clamber up again, they were on him like a pack of savage animals, like the crowd in Prague had fallen on Dru.

Spike felt the kicks as they connected with his already sore body. He could feel his ribs as they snapped and smell the blood as it began to flow out of him. Just before Spike slipped into blessed oblivion, the voice of the one in command issued an order saying, "Stand down, soldiers! The doctors want this one intact. He’s not going anywhere."

The soldier boys roughly dragged Spike’s inert body back to the hatch leading to the hidden facility and lowered him into what would become his own private hell.

The next time Spike opened his eyes he found himself staring into the masked face of a middle-aged man in operating scrubs. Panicked, the trussed vampire began to strain against the bonds that held him tightly to a cold metal table.

"Tape the mouth, please, Phelps. I really don’t want to have my eardrums damaged with the screams". The doctor’s voice was far too mild for the harsh words he said and the horror they promised. Before Spike could do his best banshee impression, surgical tape was slapped on his parted lips and he could only make muffled sounds of protest and feeble pulls on his restraints.

His eyes wide in terror, the captive vampire saw the doctor hold up a scalpel and move towards his exposed chest. Spike steeled himself for the pain he knew was coming.

"Doctor, are we to remove and detach all the organs except the heart?" asked one of the assistants. "Won’t they turn to dust when taken out of it? Perhaps we can get all the data we need without actually severing them"..

"Yes, I suppose we can try it that way. We need complete and accurate information, mind. I really don’t know how long organs can remain if removed from one of these things. To tell you the truth, I’ve never worked on one of them. The whole dust issue hasn’t really been addressed". The scalpel wielding, honey voiced butcher was looming over Spike. "Be sure to take proper measurements and weights, and please make the notes legible. I know we doctors are notoriously poor in the penmanship area, but do try". His detached, professional tone was chilling in the extreme.

Spike felt the sting of the razor sharp blade as it began to open him from chest to abdomen, laying bare his insides to the wonderfully souled humans satisfying their curiosity about evil vampires and their physiology. Even muffled by tape, there was no mistaking the pain-filled howl of protest from the vampire on the operating table. The incisions continued and the howls grew in intensity until finally, thankfully, the darkness claimed Spike once more.

When next he awakened, Spike was on the floor of a cell much like the one he’d inhabited during his former incarceration by the Initiative. He moved his head slowly and saw that they had taken the time to stitch and bandage him at least. He had no way to determine if he had all of his inner parts, but a careful and painful check reassured Spike that his outer parts were all present and accounted for.

He had some dignity left as they had dressed him in light drawstring scrubs. His feet were bare, as was his chest. He hadn’t felt this vulnerable in a century. "Pants are a pansy yellow too, the bastards", Spike thought in disgust.

His head felt like Man U. had been using it for practice and all he really wanted to do was cry. "Bugger that", he chided himself. "Not gonna give ‘em the satisfaction. Take it like a man even if they don’t think I am one. I’m gonna survive this. Then, chip or no chip, I’m takin’ all of ‘em out, startin’ with Finn", he vowed.

The determined vampire must have spoken louder than he thought because a voice responded from the cell next to his. It was a deep, cultured voice with a slight Ano-movic* accent. "Don’t think you’ve got a chip any more, vampire. I heard them say they took it out and were checking to see why it hadn’t killed you. I still wouldn’t count on having any chance at getting out of here, though. I’ve been trying for at least a month and I’m at least four times your size and strength. Whatever they give you to eat comes with a side order of weakness-inducing pharmaceuticals. You get to pick, starve and not heal, or feed and be weak as the kitten you ate last time".

"Bugger!"

~*~
Chapter 9
~*~

The Scoobies were crowded into the small waiting room of Sunnydale General Hospital awaiting word on Willow’s condition. Her vital signs had stabilized, but she was still not awake. Buffy had yet to join the group and Giles was beginning to become worried for his Slayer as well as for Willow.

Xander looked as pale as any vampire that Giles had ever seen. Tara was doing her best to keep him holding onto positive thoughts. "Xander, I know it might sound crazy, but we really do create energy by our emotions and thoughts. Right now, Willow needs all the positive energy she can get. We aren’t doctors, but we can help her by just making sure she has all that she needs and that includes the energy to heal".

Giles had always believed that to be true, but so much had happened in the last few years he decided to bite back the cynical words that nearly choked him. Perhaps it was seeing another young woman he cared for very much plummet from the skies and crash into the pavement in front of him that was making that battle with Glory so fresh in his memory. He heartily hoped that Buffy would soon arrive and he could get THAT image from his head, at least.

The doctor finally came out and approached Giles. "Excuse me, are you Miss Rosenberg’s father?", he asked.

"No. I am a close family friend, however. Willow’s parents are not in town at the moment", Giles answered nervously.

"Well, we have her condition stabilized and will be moving her into intensive care in a few moments. You might want to contact her family in case her condition changes and decisions need to be made", Dr. Ward suggested.

"Decisions, decisions….what decisions are we not making here?"Xander broke in. "I’ve known Willow for, like, forever. Any decisions to be made will be made by HER. Her parents don’t even know what she looks like half the time. How about…I decide? Yeah, I decide that Willow wakes up and gets the hell out of here, how’s that for a decision?!".. Xander had risen from his seat by the window and was advancing on the startled doctor, frustration and worry rolling off him in waves.

At that point, Buffy moved forward and took Xander by the arm, stopping his advance. No one had noticed her slip into the room as the doctor made his comments.

"Sorry Dr. um, Ward?" Tara interrupted. "I’m Willow’s sister, what sort of decision are you talking about? Maybe I can help you". The lie rolled off of Tara’s tongue with the surprising ease born of desperation.

"Well, Miss Rosenberg, Willow has been badly injured. I understandd the injuries were caused in some sort of vehicle hit and run? She has suffered multiple broken bones and internal bleeding. All of that will heal. It is the injury to her skull that is of concern. She is currently in an induced coma. We feel Willow has the best chance of having her brain heal with the minimum of residual damage if we give it a chance to … well … sort of rest, actually. The problem is that we aren’t sure just how much damage there might be. The brain is a funny thing. Sometimes it can take brutal blows-- bullets, impaling, unbelievable trauma--and still come through with little or no negative impact. Other times, a single blow can destroy a once fine mind. We won’t know, of course, until your sister begins to come around and we can start the tests. It’s possible that the damage will be severe enough to require long term full care. Someone with legal authority will need to be available to make a decision as to placement if that is the case", he explained.

"Well, if it is only a question of placement, I can tell you now that Willow stays with me. Where I am, Willow is. If she needs to be cared for, tended, dressed, bathed, fed..whatever she needs, I will take care of it. You don’t have to worry, Dr. Ward, Willow HAS a place and it’s with me", Tara said. Her level, no-nonsense gaze stopped any further arguments from the doctor.

"Yes, well, that may not be the case. I am not a neurologist and we won’t know a thing for certain until she comes out of the coma. I merely thought her family should be made aware", he said.

"Her family HAVE been made aware", replied Xander. "Thank you, Doctor."

Tara turned to her friends cum family and smiled weakly. "I’m staying, of course. You all need to go home and get rest. Take care of all the other things that need to be done. We’ll be fine here. Those energies I told you about will help, Xander, and I’ll be guardian to what wafts into her room", she assured him. "She’ll be fine. Remember, I know about brain damage first hand. Willow and that wonderfully large, talented brain of hers will be back to normal in no time".

"Look, I’m not psychic, but I am a witch", Tara continued. I see auras. I can see from hers that there is pain and healing needs to happen, but I don’t see anything that might show a permanent injury. I really believe, I have to believe, and so do you", she concluded. "Go home. Willow wouldn’t want you hovering here and worrying."

Giles looked at Buffy and Xander and said, "Yes, I think Tara is correct. We’ll do Willow no good standing about feeding off of each other’s fears. Tara, dear, we’ll be by in the morning to see how she… well, both of you, actually,are doing. Is there anything you need tonight?" He looked at the beautiful, nurturing girl who had moved so easily into the role of mother figure for the group and who obviously loved Willow more than any of them could imagine, and saw the determination in her eyes. "Fine, do try to rest, my dear. Willow will need you to be strong and healthy as she recovers. Be sure to call if you need anything, or if anything changes", he said.

They waited until they got to the parking lot before Giles turned to Buffy to ask the results of her search for the beast that had harmed Willow. Giles suddenly pictured the sweet child Willow had been, startled from sleep in the old school library. She had been dreaming of tadpoles and was frightened. He wished frogs were the only thing the dear girl ever had to face with those wide eyes that had seen far too much in such a short life.

"Well, am I to assume we no longer have to concern ourselves with the vermin that so endangered you and interfered with your mission this year? Please tell me you have handed him over to the police and he is now enjoying a cell with a six-feet weightlifter named Brutus as we speak", he said. Ripper may be in his past, but when his loved ones well being was threatened, he proved to still exist.

"Well, yes and no, and only if Brutus is in hell. Warren tried to run, leave town. I caught up to him while he was stuffing a gym bag with the money they got in the bank robbery. Then this whole Bonnie and Clyde with a side order of Curley act started. He saw me coming and took off in his mom’s car. He drove right in front of a garbage truck. They’re still picking up the pieces now. I imagine they’ll be bringing what’s left of Warren Mears into the morgue before too long. I think it’s safe to say his crime spree is over. The police found the bags with the money so they can tie him to the robbery if they aren’t total morons".

"Yes, well, I suppose a good attorney might try to place the blame for most of these crimes on Mears, and with the confessions of the other two, Sunnydale will be safe from the lot of them for at least the next ten to twenty years", Giles said. "I daresay the murder of the girl Katrina will be laid at the feet of her former boyfriend and not his nancy boy followers. They might even find true love behind the prison gates, you never know. I’m afraid I am all out of sympathy, but I COULD certainly use some tea about now", he said. It was obvious from Buffy’s face that she completely missed his reference to the phrase "tea and sympathy". Ah, his wit was wasted on California. He’d quite forgotten that.

"I never thought I would say these words, Buffy, but we could have used Spike on this mission tonight. Perhaps Willow could have avoided injury. Lord knows if Spike had taken a fall like that he would have simply gotten up, brushed himself off, made a snide remark, then stumbled off to demolish Willie’s Bar", said Giles.

"Yeah, well, Spike’s not around. Before you ask, I don’t know where he is. His crypt hasn’t been lived in for weeks. His stuff is all there and I’ve been sorta trying to find out what happened to him. I mean, he left his coat, Giles! It looked like there might have been a fight, but I’m sure he wasn’t dusted", she said. ‘I’d know it, feel it, if he was dust’, she thought to herself.

Giles noted with concern that Buffy’s eyes seemed too bright, as if she were tearing up. He sincerely hoped the emotion in them was a reflection of her concern for Willow coupled with natural fatigue from the battle.

"I see. Well, I’m sure he’ll turn up. He always does no matter how fervently we hope he doesn’t. I understand his crypt was blown up recently. Perhaps Spike has simply moved on with no snug hole to hide from the sun". Giles tried hard not to smile at the thought of Sunnydale minus the irritating vampire. Something about Spike was like a thorn in Giles’ side. It went beyond Spike’s being a vampire and it was vaguely unsettling to acknowledge the berk was so able to get under his skin.

"Spikey was playing in the big leagues, but Ri came to the rescue", Xander offered. He had perked up at the reminder of how the comando and his bride had shaken up all their lives for a brief, exciting moment only a couple of months ago.

"What on earth are you talking about, Xander?". The boy puzzled Giles to no end at times. "What has Spike to do with baseball and how is a cereal grain involved in this business?. How does your cryptic yet colorful comment explain why our least favorite undead pest is suddenly missing?", he asked in exasperation.

"What Xander is trying to tell you is a lot more complicated than he made it sound, Giles", Buffy explained. "Spike is Spike, you know?. You can’t blame him for doing the evil. He’s a vampire. I can’t really get mad at him for acting like one. The "Ri" Xander is referring to is Riley"..

"Good Lord, don’t tell me he’s back in town now", Giles exclaimed.

"Well, no, not now. He came back with his wife Sam to track a dangerous Suvolte demon that had migrated up from Central America". Buffy wasn’t looking at Giles so she missed his confused look as he tried to decipher her rushed words.

"Excuse me, Buffy, did you just say that Riley is married to a man named Sam?", Giles asked in puzzlement. He really did need that tea and then several hours of sleep. He had been away too long to easily communicate with either Buffy or Xander, it would seem. ‘Ah yes, Britain and America, two nations separated by one language’, he thought to himself.

"No, Giles. Sam’s a woman, of course. Really hot, too. Dressed in this black leather cat suit kinda thing and lots of cool weapons. She’s tall too, almost as tall as Ri, all leg and…". Xander was waxing enthusiastic on the subject of Mrs. Finn..

Buffy cut him off before he could continue singing Sam’s praises and embarrassing himself as well as Giles in the process.

"Anyway……. They were tracking this Suvolte and Riley came in to the Doublemeat to ask me to help, you know, ‘got a demon to track, call Buffy’. Well, we found it and I killed it before he could tell me that they only wanted to capture it. That’s when Sam showed up. She works with Riley hunting demons for the army. Anyhow, the Suvolte had laid its eggs and Spike was going to sell them on the black market to be used as weapons, so we blew up his crypt when they hatched", Buffy finished breathlessly.

Buffy hoped she would have time to talk Giles out of deciding that Spike needed to be staked for his part in the plan. Really, how could they blame Spike? He didn’t know any better. He was evil and he naturally did evil things. No one got hurt, not really.

Instead of making plans for a swift staking, Giles began to laugh until tears streamed down his face and he bent over double. "Suvolte eggs? Did you say Suvolte eggs? Oh God, that is rich. Let me guess. You decided to bypass research altogether and just go after the monster, am I right? No, no, you don’t have to answer. Finn must be laughing himself silly at playing someone for a fool. Most likely Spike. God, this is rich", he coughed out.

"What’s so funny, Giles?" Xander looked truly perplexed. "I mean, okay, the idea that Spike would pull off being some international arms dealer scene is kinda funny, I’ll admit, but I haven’t seen you laugh this hard since we watched Monty Python last year. Giles, are you all right?" Xander asked in concern.

"While I do admit that the image of Spike, of all people, engaging in arms procurement or sales is worthy of Monty Python, that’s not what is so funny. Suvolte demons do not lay eggs. They are rare in the demon world. They’re marsupials. They also only breed once a century and produce no more than one offspring at a time. I have no idea what sort of eggs you scrambled in Spike’s crypt, but they most assuredly were not Suvolte! Really Buffy, there is an entire chapter devoted to the breeding habits of the Suvolte in the ‘Demon Oddities of the Americas Compendium’. You have it on your shelf at home! I have no idea what was going on with demon eggs, but there is no way they could have been Suvolte".

Buffy stopped walking and stared at her Watcher in shock. Giles began to fear she was going to pass out as her eyes widened and all the color left her face.

"Oh God! Riley set him up, set us up!" Buffy was shaky but indignant. "That has to be it. I mean, Spike seemed confused when Riley called him the Doctor and he tried to tell me something about holding the eggs for a friend, but I wouldn’t listen. I…I…Riley and his wife just seemed so sure. They were all take charge-y like James Bond. It just seemed to make sense, ‘cause Spike is evil and always looking for a way to make some money. What the hell kind of eggs were they, Giles?" Buffy demanded. There was no doubting Buffy’s anger and distress at this point. Even Xander had the decency to lower his eyes at her stricken look.

"I have no idea, Buffy", Giles suggested. "Perhaps if you described the creature, I could look through the books you have onhand and we could find out. I really have no quick answers for you right now, my dear. There is a valid reason for research, Buffy. Look, perhaps this was nothing more than a bad practical joke Riley played on Spike. He did have a lot of resentment towards Spike for telling you about his nightly visits to that vampire woman. It must have just gotten out of hand. Spike is likely off somewhere sulking because you listened to Finn and assumed he was harboring dangerous demon eggs. He’ll come around".

Giles felt odd trying to reassure his slayer that the vampire in which he now strongly suspected Buffy of having a highly personal interest would be returning soon. Spike fancied himself in love with Buffy. Giles only prayed that Buffy was not beginning to have similarly inappropriate feelings for Spike. Angel had been one thing; he at least had a soul. Spike, on the other hand, would never be accepted by the Council. They would have both he AND Buffy brought to London for retraining. They would most likely send a wet works team to get rid of Spike as well. No soulless vampire would ever be allowed as a consort for the Slayer, not even with twenty chips implanted in his head!

"They looked like big insects, big ugly black bugs. They hatched and started scampering all over the lower level of the crypt and up the walls. Riley started shooting them and we wound up blowing up the whole basement to get rid of them.. They were big, like dogs, and kind of spidery but not as many legs" Buffy’s description ended on a whisper.

‘God, Spike, I’m so, so sorry. I should have at least listened to you. I owed you that much at least. I should have trusted you. You’ve never lied to me and Riley made a habit of it. I am so sorry. Please come back so I can tell you’, she thought desperately.

Buffy struggled to hold back the tears. She just wasn’t in the mood to cry in front of Giles and Xander over the mess she had made of things with Spike. She knew that no matter how decent Xander had been the other day, neither he nor Giles wanted Spike anywhere near her. Neither of them would ever understand the way she felt; like there was a hole that had opened up under her and she was being slowly sucked into the earth. Like she had made the biggest mistake of her life. Like she was terrified that this time she couldn’t fix the mess she had made.

Somehow the whole egg thing had to be the reason Spike was missing. Someone had to know more about what had really gone down with those damned eggs. In the morning, Buffy was going to start beating down doors or beating up demons until she had answers. Somehow she was going to get Spike back so she could apologize and maybe he’d forgive her like he always seemed to be able to do. She just had to and …he just had to.

~*~
Chapter 10
~*~

Buffy needed to know what had really happened with the events that had led her to finally put an end to her relationship with Spike. She knew that in some way they had both been manipulated, but why, and who besides Riley was involved? Somehow finding those answers would lead her to finding the missing vampire. Buffy wasn’t sure how she knew that was true, but she would have bet her life on it being the case.

Spike really had few friends, well, none that Buffy could think of offhand. Then she remembered the strangely cute, floppy-eared demon from Willie’s backroom poker game. She remembered Spike bringing Clem to her last disastrous birthday party when her wish for more time at home had been answered by Anya’s vengeance demon friend Halfrek in a typically unpleasant way.

Spike had worn the still visible reminders of the beating she’d given him the week before. She expected him to use guilt to wheedle her favor, but he never even mentioned the fact that she had taken her rage and impotence out on him and left him
in that alley without another thought. They had been trapped for over a day in the house and he never tried to use what she had done to him to his advantage once! Buffy remembered that she had never once said she was sorry, either. And she was sorry, so terribly sorry for every undeserved blow, for every cruel, hate-filled word that called him things she knew did not apply anymore.

Buffy wasn’t sure where Clem lived, but remembered that her coworker Sophie had mentioned going to a movie with him a couple of weeks after they met at Buffy’s party. She’d start there. Sophie would give her Clem’s number and Clem might be able to give her some answers.

Clem lived in a small boarding house in the part of town that catered to demons and asked few questions. He was rubbing his eyes and had obviously been awakened by Buffy’s knock when he opened the door to find the Slayer.

"Buffy! Girl, nice as it is to see you, you better get in here quickly. Wouldn’t do for the neighbors to see who’s knocking on my door, and not with threats and
weapons either", he said. He moved to the side to let Buffy enter the small, dark room and glanced nervously down the hall to be sure they were unseen. Clem might like the Slayer, but none of his neighbors were that open-minded. A human friend might be acceptable and even normal in some homes, but the Slayer was not just some human.

"Clem, I don’t mean to bother you and I’m sorry if I woke you up, but I really need to ask you some questions …about Spike", she began.

"Well, I don’t know where the big guy is if that’s what you want to know, Buffy. I went by to catch a VH1 special about the Ramones last week and he wasn’t there. Didn’t say he was going out of town to me or anything and I can’t believe he’d miss that program! He didn’t even have a tape set up, so I set one for him. I haven’t seen him around in, gee, I guess a couple of months or more really. Did you two have a lovers’ spat? I mean, not that it’s any of my business or anything and not that I’m saying there’s any ‘lovers’ to spat about or that I know anything at all
really", he continued nervously.

Buffy sighed deeply and moved further into the living space. "I didn’t really hold out any hope that you’d know where he is right now. I think you might know something that can help me find out, though", she said.

"Sure thing, Slayer, always glad to help out. Um, maybe you’d better not spread THAT around, okay. It could get kind of unhealthy for me if some demons knew I was on speaking terms with the Slayer, let alone helped you in any way. As many times as I’ve patched up Spike after some demon or other’s objected to his working with you and defending your honor and all … well, I’m not a fighter like he is--that’s all I’m saying. I don’t heal as fast".

Buffy smiled at the jittery demon with the sad eyes and almost comical appearance. She really liked Clem, even if he did have cat issues. Well, so did the Koreans, for that matter.

"I’m not going to ask you anything they’d care about you answering, Clem. I won’t put you in the middle of the whole Good/Evil war thing, I promise. What I really hope is that Spike confided in you about a project of his that might have gotten him into trouble, maybe really bad trouble. This is important, Clem. Anything you know might help me to help Spike", Buffy implored.

"I’m all for that Buffy, Spike’s been a good friend to me. Met him when he saved my life. I owe him. I hope I can help". Clem’s face became very serious. He motioned for Buffy to have a seat on his worn sofa and offered her something to drink. He listened to her explain what little she did know as he made a pot of coffee for them to share, his face showed increasing concern for his missing friend as he listened to the tale.

"Yeah, I remember the egg deal. I was never supposed to tell anyone about it because he didn’t want you to know where the money came from. See, Spike worried
about you having to work at that awful place. Said it was killing you, sucking out your spirit and that you were too good to have to be there at all, let alone all
the extra hours you’ve had to put in since your sister left. Now, Sophie likes it there, but she doesn’t work as much and she’s still in school, not out saving the
world every night. He was working on a way to get the money to you without you knowing it came from him. Figured you wouldn’t take it, even if you were starvin’, if you knew it was from an ‘evil vampire’. You ’wouldn’t believe it was all legal and moral and all’ is what he said", Clem continued.

Buffy blanched when she heard how well Spike had known her and how he had just come to accept her attitude without complaint. She remembered how he had been the
only one to even notice how unhappy the Doublemeat Palace made her. Everyone else was supportive, but in a "yay, Buffy, you got a job and free food" kind of way. Spike just wanted her to not have to be there. He could always tell.

"So, what was the deal, Clem? What kind of eggs were they? Why did he have them there at his crypt? What kind of ‘legal and moral’ deal would pay for big bug
eggs?"

"Spike said some Ravnar demon offered to broker a deal where Spike would egg-sit some Ferrisite eggs. Yeah, they do look like bugs, don’t they? They have this
venom that some human doctor wanted collected. You milk them when they hatch, see, like snakes or scorpions. They aren’t fatal to humans but no human would be quick and strong enough to pull that job off, that’s for sure! Anyway, this doctor was using the venom in his research….some disease that was found in some small place in India or Iran or somewhere like that. He was going to pay top dollar, too, because of the danger and all. Spike wasn’t worried, said he wasn’t about to get all ‘jelly-legged over a bunch of overgrown ants’ and all. You know Spike! The eggs
had been delivered the day before you guys blew them up. They were near to hatching and Spike had expected to do the job, kill the Ferrisites and have it all cleaned up before you came by next time. He didn’t want you to know".

"So these Ferris Wheel demons, they kill people?" Buffy asked.

"Ferrisite. No, they don’t kill. It’s a kind of poison that works through the nervous system of some demons and all humans. Kind of like Botox, in a way. I don’t know what happened to the deal after the eggs got destroyed. Gee, Buffy, do you think that doctor was so mad he staked Spike? I didn’t think doctors hurt people, I thought they were only supposed to help them". Clem shook his head sadly at the thought that all those wonderful TV doctors might have only been fiction in their high morals and desire to do good.

"No. Well I guess I don’t know really, but I doubt it was some human doctor that caused Spike to disappear. I really don’t think he’s been dusted, Clem. Somehow
I think I’d know if he had been. Did you ever hear the name of this doctor? Did Spike ever give you the name? He may know something anyway. If not, I guess I owe it to Spike to at least take the blame for those eggs, too".

"I only heard him called The Doctor. The Ravnar demon might though since he was the middle man. His name is Argot, but I heard he took his twelve kids and three wives and left Sunnydale right after the whole egg mess. Maybe there was some reason to be afraid of someone over that whole thing, huh? I think I overheard Argot say something about the Doctor once though. Of course, he was drunk and Ravnars don’t hold their liquor well so it might have been just blowing smoke, you know", he warned.

"Tell me. I’ll take any clue I can get at this point", Buffy pleaded.

"Well…. Just before he left town, Argot was in Willie’s mumbling about how the doctor wasn’t so human after all. Said something about a tail. I remember because the Gack demon he was talking to thought he meant tale and Argot explained that he meant the twitchy kind, you know, in the back, like a cat. He said the doctor had turned around once and he’d seen it. He looked human enough otherwise. Kind of like that guy in the musical "Caberet", he said. Ravnars love musicals. I wish I could help you more, Buffy, but that’s all I know really", Clem admitted.

They finished the coffee and Buffy thanked him for his help before leaving. She took care not to be seen by any of Clem’s more hostile neighbors as she left.

It might not be much, but Buffy had one clue at least. The Doctor had been a demon and Spike didn’t know that. Had some demon gotten even with Spike for his helping her? That guy Argot had been the one to approach Spike. It was sounding more and more like a set up to her. But how did Riley and Sam Finn fit into this?.

It was time for a Scooby meeting. Willow was still in intensive care and Buffy wasn’t going to pull Tara away from her love’s side, but Xander and Giles were
available. They would just have to put aside their problems with Spike and help her on this. She feared they might need more help than just the three of them, though.

"Angel! Yes, I’ll call Angel to help. He might even have some vampire-y way of knowing how to locate Spike. I’ll call tonight, after he’s sure to be up and awake and I’ve worked out the start of a plan with Giles and Xan", she decided. Angel may not like Spike either, but he would help her, she was sure. Besides, Spike was kind of like his family or something. You always helped family, even when you didn’t like them.


~~~

Hunger was beginning to take a toll on Spike’s mental condition. So far the doctors had left him alone. ‘They must have done all the diddling about they wanted in my insides. Guess they don’t need me anymore’, he thought. "Well I’ll be bloody well happy to leave then, if it’s all the same to them", he said aloud.

"They may be finished with you for their purposes, but one more danger has yet to begin, vampire. The one with a personal reason to see you suffer has been planning ways to continue your journey here in purgatory. He will put payment upon you for your sins", the dark, cloaked figure said.

Spike wasn’t sure the figure was real or not. Sounded real, but the sound was like it was inside his own head. "Great, now I’m getting as bug-shagging loopy as Dru. Can’t eat, but I’d better find some way to keep it together or I’ll be namin’ the bleedin’ stars like she did", he said to himself.

"Dante prays for you, son. He has been on this journey, but only as one viewing the events. He says that you may deserve an escort to Saint Bernard as well. The poet seems to feel you are not as evil as you might once have been considered, that you have made a journey of your own. Dante will continue to pray", the voice finished. Then the dark figure disappeared.

Spike sank to the floor and shook his head. "Dante….. journey …. What’s this then, the Big Bad starring in the Divina Commedia? Who was that supposed to be then? Bloody Virgil? I’m going starkers here. Fittin’ that it’d be poetry in the end", he said with an ironic burst of laughter.

The wounds were not healing very fast. In fact, without feeding, Spike was losing both weight and blood at an alarming rate. He was going to have to start accepting the tainted food supply after all if he had ANYONE’S prayer of surviving and getting out of this place, wherever he was.

~*~
Chapter 11
~*~

Angel was near exhaustion. By some miracle, Connor had been returned to him from the Quor-toth hell dimension. His son was now, however, a teenager who not only hated his vampire father, but could give him a run for the Broody Boy of the Year award.

Cordy kept trying to reassure him that the boy would come around in time. Their damaged relationship, not mention the lost years, was the result of Holtz and his obsessive hatred of Angelus. In time, Cordy kept promising, Conor would see what a
good guy his dad really was and things would be better.

In the meantime, the cause of all of Angel’s current misery, Holtz, was playing court to the boy he referred to as HIS son. Angel wanted to simply whisk Connor far from Holtz and his evil influence but realized doing that would only add to Connor’s distrust of him, his real father. The one who truly loved him.

The gypsies who had cursed Angel with his soul would be delighted at how well punished the vampire had been in the last few years. He’d loved and lost, both the
girl and his soul. The lesson learned was that such pleasure and love were not something he could ever experience again without a terrible cost to himself and anyone around him. Then Angel had been given a miracle child, a son of his own flesh and blood. He’d been allowed such a brief time to cuddle Connor and make plans for the bright future he would provide for the boy when the infant had been stolen and taken to a hell dimension by Angel’s worst enemy. No, there could be no joy in Mudville, Angel thought. Not even a glimmer.

Angel was in a decidedly grumpy mood when the phone in his office rang, disturbing his wallow in pain and sorrow. He waited, hoping Cordy or Fred would pick it up, but they had either gone deaf or gone out.

With a deep sigh, he answered. "Angel Investigations. We help the helpless. Angel speaking. How can I help you?" He only hoped it would be a paying client. At least Cordy would have a moment of joy then.

"Angel" One word and he knew instantly who it was.

"Buffy. Hi, Is something going on, an apocalypse maybe? What can I do for you?’ he asked his first true love and the forbidden fruit that had once cost him his soul.

"Angel, I’m glad I got you instead of Cordy. I really don’t want a half hour conversation on this year’s designs right now. No apocalypse, but I have a problem that I think you may be the only one able to help me with".

"You know me, always willing to fight the good fight. What’s up?" he responded.
Angel was surprised to find himself hoping he could handle whatever it was over the phone, so he could get back to trying to figure out how to woo back his son. The days of the world revolving around Buffy Summers had come and gone, it seemed.

There was silence for a brief while and it seemed that Buffy was working up courage to ask him for something. ‘I wonder what would make Buffy hesitate to ask me
straight out? Surely she knows I’ll always be there for her. I’d never turn down her request for help’, he thought.

He heard her take in a deep breath and then blurt out, "It’s about Spike."

"Spike! What’s he done now? I thought he wasn’t a problem anymore. What has he done, who has he hurt? Buffy, you need me to stake him?" Angel never quite knew what to expect from Spike, except trouble.

"No! No staking of Spike". Buffy was quick to come to Spike’s defense. "I mean, he hasn’t done anything wrong. Well, at least nothing to earn a dusting that is. You remember! I told you about the chip in his head and how he’s been helping out here"..

"Yeah, yeah, chips ahoy Spikey. I remember", Angel sighed. "Buffy, Spike is evil--evil and dangerous. I know him better than anybody. Chip or no chip, he’s doing something nasty out there. I’ve told you that you can’t trust him". Angel took a deep albeit unnecessary breath himself before continuing.

"Look, Buffy, I’ve met two other rejects from the government lab with chips. I ran into them after you told me about Spike last year. They moved through L.A. after you closed down the lab in Sunnydale. I understand what the chip means now. Listen, Buffy, the fact that they can’t do the killing doesn’t mean a thing. These two losers had minions do the kills and then they fed. Spike is smart, always has been, even if he is too impulsive sometimes. If those two figured it out, what makes you think Spike isn’t eating in every night when you can’t see him? I know
for a fact that Dru went to see him just last year. She’s probably taking care of her 'dark knight' right under everyone’s nose".

Buffy jumped into the conversation while Angel was gearing up for the next round. "Angel, he’s not, okay? I’d know. I’ve not exactly trusted him like I should have. But he has earned my trust, Angel. You don’t know all the things Spike’s done. The chip didn’t cause it either. All it did was keep him from hunting his own dinner, except at the butcher’s counter. He’s been on a strict animal-only diet for almost three years now. He’s even found things to add to pig’s blood to make it taste better, or so he says. I’m not tasting it to see and Giles won’t eat Wheetabix
anymore either. Spike is killing, but on our side. He slays demons and vamps. He’s been patrolling with me. He patrolled FOR me when I was dead, Angel", she said
softly.

"Why on earth would he do that? No, don’t answer. There had to be something in it for him. He’s a demon, Buffy, he’s evil. Vampire here, remember? I know what I’m talking about".

"Look, I don’t know why Spike made the choice to try to change, or how he’s been able to do it, but he has. And I know all about Dru coming to Sunnydale last year.
Spike offered to stake her for me", Buffy said.

"I’ll bet! What, did he find out you knew about her and came to cover his bases? You can’t trust a demon, Buffy", Angel reminded her.

"I trust you", she replied.

They were both silent as all the implications drifted about their respective minds.

"Yes, Buffy, I am a demon. I know demons. I know Spike, but I have a soul and he hasn’t got a thing but a shock collar and all that does is make a dog mean", Angel said quietly.

"You may have known Spike in the past, the long agopast. You don’t know him now. You haven’t even been around him but a handful of times since I’ve known you both and he’s changed a lot since then. Your memories of what Spike is like go back to last century, Angel. He’s changed. It’s not a game or a trick…God, do you think I’m that stupid? No, don’t answer that. You don’t really know me either right now".

"Look, Spike fell in love with me after the chip", Buffy confessed. He’s been tortured by a hellgod, protected my family and friends, tied Dru up in my presence and offered to stake her. He hasn’t had an easy time of it and he hasn’t always made the right choices along the way, but the change is real. He’s trying to be a good man. It’s what he wants to be. For me, because he loves me. I didn’t believe it at first. I thought you had to have a soul to love and I didn’t believe him,
called him obsessed. Spike’s proved it over and over though, even though I’ve been a real bitch to him, especially lately", she admitted.

"He stayed after I died. He had no reward to expect for that. Giles and the Scoobies were barely civil to him. But he stayed, he stayed and took care of Dawn
and patrolled and saved all of their lives more than once. He did it because I love them. That’s the kind of 'evil' he is now, Angel. Look, this must have been a
mistake. I’m sorry I called. I just thought that Spike was family to you and even if you don’t like him, you’d want him to be okay. I’ll talk to you later. Bye", she said and hung up the phone.

Angel sat, phone in hand, just staring for a few minutes after Buffy had hung up. She was right about a few things. The Spike she described didn’t fit the Spike he remembered. And he DID care if Spike was in trouble. He was family, as Buffy had said.

Angel still knew Buffy well enough to pick up on the undercurrents of the conversation he had just had. He could almost feel the emotions through the phone wire. She hadn’t said it, but it sounded a lot like Buffy might love Spike, too. Bet Giles was loving that. Angel smiled at the thought of the Watcher having a seizure. Not only having his slayer fall in love with a second vampire, but one that could be irritating enough to tempt the Pope to go off on him eventually. Priceless!

Angel didn’t have to be convinced that William was quite able to love. He wasn’t even really that surprised to find that he had fallen in love with Buffy. The boy lived for love. Even at his most depraved and vile, William was always capable of
tenderness and love. He had loved Dru faithfully for over a hundred years and it was only her choosing Angelus over Spike that had put an end to that epic tale. Dru had always preferred her daddy over anyone else, after all. No, Angel had no trouble believing.


"I guess I see why he’s on a non human diet and wearing a white hat all of a sudden", he said to himself. Spike always did manage to live up or down
to the expectations of those he loved the most.

Angel then remembered the end of Buffy’s conversation and her implication that Spike was in some sort of trouble. "Damn! I suppose I’d better call her back and find out what kind of mess he’s gotten into and what Buffy thinks I can do about it. Family is family, like she said. I can’t do anything for my flesh and blood family at the moment, might as well see about the other kind", he decided.

Angel picked up the phone and dialed Buffy’s home number.

~~~
The meeting in the doctors’ lounge of the underground facility was nearing its end. The roomful of former Initiative medical personnel and newly recruited zealots was attentive to each speaker in turn.

"What of 17? Are we quite finished with the information gathering and testing? I’m given to understand that it has been taking some of the food instead of continuing to starve itself. I don’t see any indication we have further use for it, if we have
everything. We’ll still need to study the chip, of course, find out why it was still functional without killing the host. Most strange!" The doctor in charge sounded both awed and irritated by the phenomenon.

"Didn’t we promise it to one of the militia brass for training or some such when we didn’t need it any longer? We might want to inform them to come take 17 off of our hands then", he added..

"We did a modified vivisection, Dr. Holstein", reported the doctor who had "operated" on Spike. "I’m sure the results are quite accurate. We ran tests multiple times to be certain. We didn’t want to remove the organs entirely as we weren’t exactly sure if they would turn to dust when detached from the body. This specimen is much older than others of its kind that we have had for study. The body originated in the mid- to late 1800s according to the members from our London contingent. We had speculated that might be a factor in its survival. We have documented the longevity of the other chipped specimens and they fell well within
expected parameters".

"As the hostile attempted to kill and feed, the current was administered, weakening the hostile a bit more each time until eventual internal hemorrhaging occurred in the brain cavity. This led to near constant electrical charges being fired until the subject lost consciousness. A short time after that, the host body became incapable of supporting the demon’s life force and, after bleeding out from the
hemorrhage, the hostile became dust. The average time from implant to dust appears to have been two months, with six months on the high end of the spectrum".

"The exception, as you know, is 17", he continued. "It has survived for nearly three YEARS. Assuming the typically observed kill instinct taking over at least two times daily, the electrical charges it has withstood have been staggering to contemplate. Even if it only succumbed to the kill instinct every other day, it is impossible to view as anything short of miraculous. The chip seems to be perfectly functional based on preliminary tests. Of course, the obvious answer is likely to be a fault in either the chip or the placement at implantation. The creature has been reported to have received shocks on some occasions, however. One of the militia had up-close contact with Hostile 17 during the first several months after its escape and Colonel Finn assured me that the chip did, in fact, do its job".

"We have decided, in light of eyewitness observation of the hostile while implanted, the tests performed by our own team both here and prior to its escape, that further testing using the creature is not necessary. We will, of course, continue to look at the chip itself until satisfied that there is nothing peculiar with it to account for the abnormality. Other than that, I myself removed the chip and can swear that it appeared in every way to have been implanted properly. Aside from the age of the subject there is no other variable. We need not bother with the beast any further", he concluded.

"Yes, thank you, Dr. Holstein. Admirable summation of a job well done by you and your team. The electronics and weaponry department will continue the study of the chip itself. As you seem to feel we have every possible piece of information necessary from this demon, I’d say we can close this file. Sergeant Myers, you may release 17 to the custody of Colonel Finn now and let him know he can dispose of it at his leisure", the chief of staff ordered.

~~~
Riley was in the mess hall having lunch when Sergeant Myers arrived with the welcome news that Spike was finally his to play with. He pushed aside the plate of nearly untouched food and prepared to go claim his prize.

Sam looked at him with a slight frown on her forehead. "Ri, don’t you think you can wait at least long enough to eat? You haven’t eaten a decent meal since we teamed up and I don’t think I’ve known you to sleep a full night either. You better begin to watch out for your health or you won’t have the strength to play with your new toy."

"Sam, it’s not often a man’s duty and pleasure match up so perfectly. I’ve been waiting for the go-ahead since I first heard the board issue the order to retrieve Hostile 17. I have plans, Sam, and he’s healed just enough to make it worth my trouble".

Riley got up from the table and headed to the corridor leading to the holding cells. Sam noticed that he was still walking with the slightly awkward gait she had spotted when she was first reunited with her old friend. She kept forgetting to ask him about it. If he were in some sort of pain, the medical staff should look into it. She’d try to remember to ask later. After all, she loved Riley Finn like the brother she had never had.

~~~

Spike heard the voice in his head again. He didn’t always see the dark figure anymore. He was beginning to heal and the hallucinations were ebbing a bit. The
voice still echoed in his head on occasion and this was one of them.

"Spike, he’s coming for you. You must remember your Beatrice, hold to that and the journey could still end well for you. I will try to guide you as I can. Prepare for the worst for now, son. You are forged in the fires of adversity. You shall not be destroyed unless you so choose. Your journey is not yet complete", the voice whispered.

"Spike! Up on your feet! You’re moving to another holding cell. If you struggle or try to run, you’ll wish you were back on that lab table, got that? Now, move", Riley ordered.

"Better have Dante get back on his knees again, old man. Be needin’ those prayers ‘bout now, I’m thinkin’. Did Virgil send for you, soldier boy?", Spike asked. Confusion showed on his haggard face as Spike stood up to avoid the taser-ready soldier preparing to zap him.

"Virgil? That the name of the demon next door? Funny name, especially for a demon, huh? You’d best get up and let me get these cuffs on you or Colonel Finn will have to hit you with the megavolts he’s packing", said the freckle-faced boy soldier. He held his taser in front of the exhausted vampire and tried not to show how terrified that creature made him.

"What’s that, you twit? Wasn’t talkin’ to you, now was I? Move your arse and I’ll get up on my own. Just keep your bloody human hands off me", Spike said. He was suddenly very much in the real world and steeling himself for whatever games Finn had planned.

"Let’s go Spikey. Cut with the crazy vampire act and move it", ordered Col. Riley Finn, late of the U.S. Army, Initiative branch.

~*~
Chapter 12
~*~

Buffy was explaining all she knew about Spike’s disappearance to Angel when Xander burst into the Summers residence. "Geesh, how long are you going to be on that phone, anyway? Tara’s been trying to get you for at least a half an hour. Willow’s awake and the XanMan Express is ready to ride!", he announced. The smile on the young man’s face was blinding enough to dim the sun. His lifelong friend was going to be alright and suddenly his world made sense again.

"Hang on, Angel, Xander just came in with great news about Willow. She’s going to be okay. ………. Alright …………. Yes, I’ll be up. I’ll leave the door unlocked
in case I’m still at the hospital or something. ……. Of course you still have an invitation, don’t be silly! ……. Okay, see you then".

She hung up the phone and ran to Xander, nearly shutting off his oxygen supply with the hug she gave him. "God, this is the BEST news! I knew Tara was right. She always is. Finally things are starting to work right. Everything’s going to be okay, I can feel it. Everyone will be fine, just fine", she whispered.

"Hey, Buff, needing some air here fairly soon", Xander said. He hugged Buffy a bit longer and then said, "Well, come on! What’re you waiting for? Witches are
waiting and times a-wasting as they say. Just who are ‘they’ anyway and why are we always quoting them? Is Giles here, cause he’s gonna want to part of the welcome-back-to-consciousness party, too", Xander said in a rush. He was so happy he looked like he could float with joy.

"Giles went to the Magic Box to pick up a couple of books he left there. I’ll call and let him know to meet us at the hospital. God, this is such good news". Buffy felt that at least some of the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders.

The drive to the hospital was filled with Xander nervously cracking jokes and telling Willow stories from his many years of memories. Buffy was so caught up in his good mood that she couldn’t help but feel her own spirits soar in regard to all the problems she was facing. Willow was going to be okay, Angel was on his way to help find Spike, and Spike was just fine out there somewhere. Soon he would be home too, and the world would be right again.


~~~

Tara was beaming when she greeted the pair outside of Willow’s room. The hospital had transferred Willow to a regular room on the neurology floor. They were
scheduling her for a series of tests to be certain there was no leftover damage from her "accident". There may not have been as many questions about damage if it had not been for the "amnesia" that kept Willow insisting that she didn’t have a sister.

Tara hadn’t had a chance to explain the lie to her lover. Willow had regained consciousness while Tara was taking a much needed trip to the cafeteria for
coffee and the doctors had not let Tara in the room when she had returned to resume her vigil.

Tara had laughed to herself when told about the staff’s reason for concern. The doctors had pronounced Willow in excellent form with that one glaring exception. As soon as Tara had told Willow, the girls had both laughed and decided to just let the
lie stand for now. They had expected the tests anyway and no harm was done. If the truth were revealed, the hospital might restrict Tara’s visits to regular visiting
hours instead of giving her the open access available to next-of-kin. Buffy and Xander had to agree with the logic of keeping knowledge of the "problem" and the lie that lay at the root of it to themselves.

Giles arrived only five minutes after Xander and Buffy. The entire group was in the mood to celebrate. It was clear to anyone who knew her that Willow was doing just fine. She would need rest and physical healing, but the fine, sharp, mind they all had taken for granted was intact.

It hadn’t been easy, but Buffy and Willow finally convinced Tara to leave the
hospital and forsake her bedside vigil. Tara had planned to go home for a rest and change of clothing, but Buffy convinced Tara to come home with her instead. "Family needs to be together, Tara, and you’re family, remember", Buffy said.

And so it was that the Scoobies, minus Willow of course, were all at the Summers home when Angel arrived a few hours after sunset.

The knock on the door reminded Buffy that she hadn’t said anything to the rest about having called Angel or the reason for the call.

"I’ll get it Buffy", said Tara. She opened the door and felt she had seen the man at the door somewhere before, but couldn’t place him. "Um, can I help you?", she asked hesitantly.

"Hi. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m a friend of Buffy’s. Angel", he introduced himself.

"Oh, that’s why I feel I’ve seen you. Buffy has a few pictures of you from when you, er, lived in Sunnydale", Tara said.

Buffy was in the entryway by that time and smiled a greeting at her former love. "Angel, thanks for coming. It didn’t take you long to get here. You must have left just as the sun set". She met him at the threshold and hugged him in greeting. "We’re all here, except Willow, so come on in", she invited.

"Buff, what’s Dead Boy doing here? I didn’t think he cared about Will that much, seeing as how he killed her fish", Xander said with venom. He had never forgiven Angel for his actions when he’d lost his soul so long ago.

"Xander! Angel is a guest in my house. I invited, no, asked him to come", Buffy chided.

"Why? What do we need him for? I thought he was the LA hero now and we handled the Hellmouth. Just FINE without him, I might add", Xander said.

"Look, why don’t we all go in the living room? Now that Willow is going to be fine, we need to have a Scooby meeting. This time Angel is going to rejoin the Scooby group. We...I need him here. He can help", Buffy said.

"Help with what, exactly? Is this about the Spike problem? I thought we discussed this last night and came to the conclusion that Spike was most likely laying low until this demon calling itself The Doctor is no longer seeking revenge", said Giles.

"No,YOU came to that conclusion. I decided that I needed to call Angel to see if he can help us find out what happened to Spike so we can bring him home", Buffy replied.

"Home? Just what home are you talking about Buffy? ‘Cause I’m starting to think about that little talk we started to have a few weeks ago and I’m getting a bit
nervous about why Willow wanted me to make nice with Spike", said Xander. "Please tell me you mean Sunnydale in general, or better yet, that Angel’s going to take Dead Boy Junior toLA. Throw me something here, Buff, cause I’m starting to lose that happy feeling I had just before your first vampire mistake walked in."

Tara decided that even though she was still on the fringes of the group, she needed to step in at this point. Willow would have done it and she had to act on Willow’s behalf. Besides, Tara had a soft spot for Spike.

"Xander Harris! You promised Willow to keep remembering that Spike has saved your life on more than one occasion and that he is changing. Besides, no one has the right to tell Buffy who her friends should be! I think it’s good of Angel to come to help", she stated.

She then gathered her courage and walked closer to Xander, allowing her to nearly whisper to him., "You really need to learn to forgive others, Xander, if you
want others to forgive you."

Xander understood fully that Tara meant his behavior towards Anya and his desire to make that situation right again. He blushed under her gaze.

"Yeah, you’re right. Past is past and Spike probably needs his ass saved, as usual. Hey, Angel. How’s Cordy?" Xander was trying his best impression of Mr. Manners, host with the most.

"Speaking of exes, Cordy’s fine, Xander. Thriving, in fact. LA and working with us really have brought out the best in her". Angel gave a hard stare to the young man who had annoyed him endlessly over the years they had worked together helping the Slayer. Angel had never really liked the boy but did admire the fact that the virtually helpless human had joined in the dangerous job of backing up his supernaturally enhanced friend. The lad had courage, even if he lacked tact. "Where’s your other ex, Anya, wasn’t it?", Angel continued. The dig was just too good to pass up.

"We’re not seeing each other anymore, so I don’t know", Xander reluctantly replied.

"Hmm, heard as much. Well, she’ll probably do fine, just like Cordy. Move on and really make something of her life. I’ll have to give her a call, see if she’s
planning a move to the big city. Always room at Angel Investigations for good people", he couldn’t resist adding.

Xander looked as if he wanted nothing more than to ram his fist into the glowering face of the vampire. He really needed to learn when to avoid taunting the demon population! Plenty of Anya’s friends were still angry with him without adding the vampire with the shaky soul to the list.

"If you two are finished peeing on the furniture, come on in and let’s figure out how to find Spike", Buffy said. She was glad that Giles was acting the part of
mature adult around Angel. Of all of them, Giles had the most reason to hold a grudge against her former lover. Buffy was just glad he had taken his own
advice and learned how to forgive.

~~~

Riley entered the small, dark hole that was Spike’s new cell. Spike was manacled to the wall by his wrists as he sat on the dirt floor of the tiny enclosure. Finn wore a particularly nasty grin on his face that did not bode well for his captive.

"You know, Spike, I’ve been thinking. You’re a sociable kind of guy. Doesn’t seem fair keeping you all solitary like this. Now me, I’m a decent person. I hate to see you pine away here. I may plan to dust your ass, but I’m a man with a heart, after all is said and done. Hey, I remember how concerned you were about MY love life, after all. You know, wondering if I was fulfilled, happy. It was touching, really. So I’ve decided that you deserve a date night. Okay, I can’t let you out, or loose, but I think you’re up to a bit of lovin’", he said.

Spike looked at his captor, trying to follow the direction the meeting had taken. He had no idea what Soldier Boy was talking about. The only date Spike wanted was Buffy and he highly doubted that Finn was about to produce her. "M’ love life’s been just fine of late, thanks. Buffy’s one hell of a woman, but you remember that, don’t you? Don’t mind the solitary, been alone before. Buffy’s a hard act to follow, if you get my meaning. Thanks for your concern though. I never knew you cared.", he said with a bravado he didn’t feel. "So, why don’t we get on with the staking and pass on the whole Dear Abby rot. Whatever you’ve got runnin’ through
that wee mind of yours isn’t happenin’. I’m a one- woman man and she’s not here. You got some bird to push off on me so you can run and tell Buffy how unfaithful I am, you can forget it, ‘cause I have more control than you ever had, boy."

"Well, you’re only partly right, Spike. Of course, it won’t matter what kind of control you may or may not have. You ever heard of a Mh’Crejshamroyken demon,
Spike? We came across one in a small village in Peru. Nasty bastards! Half of my men were sick for a week with what they saw. Those poor people still alive were begging to be put out of their misery. I don’t think there’s another demon species like them, the way they kill, what they do. Doesn’t seem to matter if the victim’s male or female either. They are kind of equal opportunity, if you get my drift. Well, not really equal when it comes to pain and pleasure, I guess. Gotta’ give it to them for stamina, however. That one Mh’Crejshamroyken had killed six and left two barely living in the one day. Impressive, really", Finn taunted.

Spike refused to show the fear that was coursing through him. He had never met a Mh’Crejshamroyken, but was well aware of what they were and what they did. They were the demon’s own boogyman, the thing biggest bads avoided. Few survived an encounter; few wanted to. He was, frankly, shocked to hear that any human had survived an encounter. Usually only the strongest of demons stood a chance. Spike found it hard to believe that Finn even had one of the creatures. Surely he was only playing a game. The vampire did his best to put on a brave face and asked the human, "That where you got the limp, Nancy? Tryin’ to pawn another ex-partner off on me? You bloody well better hope it kills me, ‘cause if it doesn’t, I’ll make sure you wish you’d married it", he promised.

Fury registered on Riley’s face at the implications of what Spike had just said. Remembering the position the vampire was in, however, Riley laughed. "Oh he’s
going to love you! For such ugly bastards, they DO like pretty partners. Wait till he finds out what a big mouth you have. He’ll have a great time showing you ways to use it, too. Get pretty, Spike. I’ll just go get your date. I promise we won’t interrupt your good time until we have to. Don’t want you dusted too soon. I have to have my fun, too". Colonel Finn turned and left the chained vampire.

Spike stared at the soldiers’ cold eyes. They’d flashed with a light greenish glint momentarily and Spike wondered if he was slipping into another hallucination. Where was old Virgil when you really needed him? If ever Spike wished his phantom guide would show up to escort him the hell out of there, it was now. Even a rosary by Dante wasn’t going to help much now, much less a prayer.


Spike renewed his frustrated struggle to break the chains that held him in place and frantically tried to come up with some way to get out of this situation. Somehow, someway, before this whole nightmare was over, Riley Finn was going to be the first human in several years to have his throat ripped out by Spike. Spike could have kissed the doctor who had removed the chip at the thought.

~~~

"So that’s what we know", Buffy said as Angel was brought up to date.

"Idiot boy. Well, I guess the plan wasn’t so stupid, but Riley bested him? Sad!", Angel said and shook his head.

"Hey, in Spike’s defense, none of us thought there was a set up. It all looked so 007ish that the government HAD to be behind the whole ‘Riley revisits the
Hellmouth’ scene", said Xander. He couldn’t believe he was defending Bleach Boy, but he supposed stranger things had happened.

"Yeah, I get that. Makes you think there had to be more than just payback going on. I don’t think even a secret government demon hunting group would put out that kind of cash just to revenge Finn’s honor. There’s more here that we’ve figured out yet", Angel deduced. "What did Clem say about the real ‘Doctor’, Buffy?", he asked.

"He didn’t know much. Clem never saw him, only heard the drunken demon Argot talk about how he looked human but had a tail. He said the demon liked musicals, but I don’t think that will help", Buffy said sadly.

"Why do you think he mentioned the entertainment tastes of the demon? What brought that into the converstion?, Giles asked his Slayer.

"Clem said that Argot said ‘The Doctor’ looked like the guy in the musical ‘Caberet’ and Clem said that Ravnar demons liked musicals", Buffy said with a shrug.

"Well, I guess I’m off to Blockbuster", said Xander. He got his keys and turned to the group saying, "Anyone else want to come?"

"I’ll come along. We can stop by Willie’s and ask a few questions on the way", said Angel.

"Do try not to alarm this Doctor demon. I’d hate to have our only lead leave town by getting wind of our interest", Giles reminded them.

Angel and Xander left on their shared mission with Buffy hoping they could stay focused and not get sidetracked by their mutual dislike. Any chance she had of getting Spike back hung in the balance.

"I rather think Angel might have the right of it", Giles’ voice interrupted Buffy’s thoughts. "This is much bigger than some practical joke or hurt pride. You did say that Riley and his wife had a helicopter at their disposal, as well as heavy artillery, correct? Highly unlikely they could justify such an expense merely to set up a vampire in order to ruin his love life".

Buffy flushed at the words "love life". Giles knew! How did Giles know? She looked desperately to Tara for reassurance, only to see her own wide-eyed look
mirrored on her friend’s face.

"Giles, where did you get the idea that this had something to do with Spike’s love life … that is, assuming he has a love life". Buffy did her best to sound casual.

"Really, Buffy, do you really think me so blind? I’ve known you for years. I’ve seen you through your first love with Angel and your genuine attempt at a normal
relationship with Riley. I can read the signs, even without my glasses. Spike has been in love with you for a long while now and you two have had this strange
chemistry from your first meeting".

"I wouldn’t say you love him, but there is something there, some reason neither of you were ever successful in killing the other. Good Lord, Buffy, he’s killed two of the better Slayers of the last century! You are the best Slayer I’ve ever heard of or seen, but not so good as to be unkillable. You’ve died twice, after all. Had Spike truly wanted you dead, he could have done the deed at any time after you issued that dangerous invitation years ago. I was appalled to find you didn’t revoke that until he was already chipped and crying love for you. You gave free access to a notorious vampire to your home and he never used that entrée to slip in and kill you as you slept!"

"Likewise, you found excuse after excuse to let him continue to exist. I’m not totally daft, Buffy. There’s always been something preventing both of you from doing your worst to the other. All one has to do is see your face since this entire fiasco began to realize you are worried sick about Spike’s fate. I may not approve, it may even disgust me, but I can’t ignore what I see". With that Giles took his glasses off and, rather than wipe them as Buffy had expected him to do, ran tired hands over his eyes and sighed deeply.

"Buffy, you are a grown woman, legally entitled to make your own choices. I am not just your Watcher, but someone who loves you. I cannot say I am okay with this … this .. whatever it is you think you feel, but I can’t forbid it either. I can only caution you that Spike, while he may indeed be trying to change, is still a soulless vampire and is dangerous. You have already been through this once with the one who just left here with Xander. I don’t think I need remind you how much pain you are courting if you persist", he warned.

"That chip is all that stands between a Spike you can justify keeping alive, or undead, or whatever, and his next meal. I’m thinking of you, Buffy", Giles finished gently.

"I know, Giles. Look, I didn’t even know how much Spike meant to me until he was gone. I haven’t exactly sat down to really think it through yet. I’ve told myself everything you just said and I know you’re right. But, Giles, you don’t know what he’s been like, what he’s put up with, since I came back. He really has proven himself, his love. I know he hasn’t got a soul, but then he doesn’t have one to lose either. I just want him back safe. Then I’ll figure it all out carefully, I promise", she said.

Tara could see that Mr. Giles was far from ready to let the whole thing go and so she said, "Buffy, could you show me where the teapot is being kept now? I think we could all use some, right, Giles?"

Buffy followed Tara to the kitchen, grateful to get out from under the serious, disappointed look on her beloved Watcher’s face.

"Thanks for the rescue, Tara, I owe you one", Buffy said with a sigh of relief.

"Buffy, it’s not my business, but maybe if you told Giles all about you and Spike…" She halted at the panic she saw in Buffy’s eyes. "Think about it, Buffy. Tell Giles what you told me. Giles loves you. He won’t judge you! If he knew that Spike’s chip hasn’t worked on you all this time and yet he never tried to bite you or kill you, Giles might see things a little differently. It wouldn’t hurt to try".

"What about the chip malfunctioning?" asked a horrified Giles. Looking at him standing in the kitchen entryway, the girls finally understood the expression ‘whiter shade of pale’. Giles sat down hard on the kitchen chair. "I believe we need to talk about this further", he said.

~*~
Chapter 13
~*~

"……….and then Riley and Sam showed up. I told you about that", Buffy reminded Giles. "Now we know that it was a set up. Riley had to have known about Spike and me before they got here. I had already sort of decided that I needed to break it off with Spike before one of us killed the other. After what I did to him in that alley…..
Giles, I can’t believe I was that out of control. He never once hurt me, even when I said and did awful things to him or hurt him. The chip wasn’t holding him back. Like I explained, it didn’t work on me at all. I knew I was safe, or maybe I didn’t care, I don’t know now", Buffy finished. She had given her Watcher the Cliff Notes version of her affair with Spike, even admitting to being the one to initiate the
physical relationship.

"Now that he’s gone, I remember the good parts. How he always listened, always had my back". The pain was audible in Buffy’s voice. "I really, really miss him. I owe him an apology too, a couple at least. He earned better treatment from me, from us
all really. I so want him back, and part of me misses him as a boyfriend. Oh, God, I’m such a sick person, Giles. Why do I only give my heart to vampires? The only two men who I ever really let touch my heart…Angel and Spike. I’m the slayer. What’s wrong with me?". Tears began to run down Buffy’s face.

Tara put an arm around Buffy and tried to soothe her friend. "Remember, I told you there was nothing wrong if you loved him, Buffy. He’s done a lot of good these last few years and doing it without a soul makes him even more remarkable. I think you fell in love with the being that he is, not because he’s a vampire. You fought your feelings because he’s a vampire. You aren’t attracted to all those vamps you dust on
patrol. It was Angel and Spike themselves that you fell in love with".

Giles looked at his slayer gravely then nodded to himself as if he had made some decision. "Buffy, there is nothing wrong with you. I was never going to tell you this, but I suppose you should be told. As you know, I’ve been spending a good deal of time at Council headquarters since I left Sunnydale. I found myself intrigued while reading the private journal of a watcher from last century and was surprised to
discover that his slayer also had developed…um, feelings for a master vampire that she had come into contact with through the course of her duties. The end result was rather tragic. The council sent a team to put an end to the vampire and the slayer was killed in battle soon after. She seemed to have lost her will to live after losing her lover. The watcher, Jacques Millier, began a bit of research that he kept
secret from the council. It seems that as slayers get to the point of sexual maturity, there have been more than a few who have drawn the attention of powerful
master vampires and commenced love affairs. These older, more powerful vampires appear to be as attracted as the slayers and, much like Angel and Spike, assist the slayer. Needless to say, the council forbids such a relationship, but based on
Millier’s account, it appears to be a natural, if somewhat rare, phenomenon. Of course, most slayers die before they reach maturity and there are not many master
vampires around."

"Dracula said something about slayers’ origins being similar to vampires, but I didn’t believe him. Giles, am I some sort of demon or something?", Buffy asked, not
really comforted by Giles’ tale.

"No, no, my dear. You are no demon. There is some truth to the origins of the first slayer involving a demon in some way. That story is lost to the ages, but you are no demon. No, the council knew of this..this.. attraction and that was the origin of the Cruciamentum test. I did some more research after reading that journal and discovered that the Council had reached the same conclusions as Monsieur Millier about a half century before he did his research. The Cruciamentum was intended to ‘fix the problem’, as it were. Usually the slayer, now come to sexual maturity, would not survive the test and a new, younger slayer would be called. Those who did survive were generally so filled with horror from their encounter with the vampire
that no other vampire was ever allowed to get close enough to form an attachment. Either way, the natural attraction was nipped in the bud. You had already developed feelings for a master vampire with Angel, so it did not affect you in that manner", Giles concluded.

"I don’t know if I should feel good or bad about what you just told me, Giles, but I’m glad you did. At least I don’t have to think I’m a sick person to feel the way I do. I always said it was the soul that made it okay with Angel, but Spike doesn’t have a soul and I couldn’t accept that I could feel anything real for him. Guess it’s just another Slayer thing", she said.

Tara spoke up, "No, not necessarily a Slayer thing, Buffy. I don’t think you are doomed to love random vampires. I think much of it comes from the particular vampires you have allowed yourself to get close to. I mean I can see why any girl, not just a slayer, could love Spike. He’s complex and single-minded in his devotion, the way he loves you. And even if I am gay, I can see how attractive and sexy he
is. You don’t have to be a slayer to see his good qualities".

"Evidently one must be female, however", snorted Giles.

Before any further discussion about Buffy’s love life could continue, Angel and Xander returned from their fact-finding mission.

"Well, any information from the usual suspects?" Buffy asked in greeting.

"No one at Willie’s had anything to add to what Clem told you. No one seems to know where this Argot and his brood went. No one’s heard of any demon with a tail that goes by ‘The Doctor’ either. I did find out that there are a couple of human doctors that have a practice treating the demon population here and one demon that studied with them and calls herself a doctor, but none with tails, and none claiming to do
research with Ferrisite eggs", Angel answered.

"Fire up the microwave. Movie’s ready to go, we just need the popcorn. Everyone ready for scary Liza Minnelli to sing and dance her way through Nazi Germany?" Xander asked. "Personally, I’d rather watch ‘The Producers’ with the Hitler on Ice skit or Liza in ‘Arthur’, but Clem said ‘Cabaret’, so there you go."

They popped a few bags of corn and headed for the Summers living room to watch the film, hoping some kind of clue would come from the time spent watching
the classic musical.

Xander sat up straight as the club scenes began and he got his first look at the host. "Holy smarmy demon! Geesh, he DOES look like him, if that’s who I think. I
don’t remember seeing him after the tower fall, but he survived me and Spike killing him before that".

"Just what are you talking about, Xander? Are you referring to the tower built for Glory?", Giles asked.

"Yeah, that’s the one. The demon, Doc, who cut Dawnie up there on the tower. The one that knifed Spike and tossed him off the tower, he’s Joel Grey, or at least looks an awful lot like him", Xander explained. "You don’t think Joel Grey IS a demon, do
you?"

"Doc … Doctor! I pushed him off the tower before I had to jump. Didn’t you check to make sure he was dead?" Buffy was puzzled.

"We were kinda sidetracked, what with you dying and all, Buff. I guess he didn’t die then. That would explain his being pissed at Spike. I wonder how he fits in with Riley and Sam though?" It was Xander’s turn to be confused.

"I don’t know, but I’m going to find out. I owe this demon for what he did to Dawn and making me have to die. If he’s involved with what’s happened to Spike…… he’s going down this time. I’m going to get all the information he has and then kill him. Slowly, I think. He’s not coming back from this, even if he turns out to be Joel Grey", vowed Buffy.

~~~

Spike lay on the dirt floor of his cell. He was bleeding from places that hadn’t been violated in over a century. The soldiers who had tasered and removed
the Mh’Crejshamroyken from him had tossed a thin blanket over the barely conscious vampire.

His wrists were bleeding, too, from his struggles against the attack. A few of the stitches had come loose from the vivisection as well. All in all, Spike was certain he had been dragged into hell and his years of evil as a vampire were now being
punished. He wondered idly just how long it would take before his mind closed down and eternity didn’t matter.

Finn hadn’t put in an appearance and that surprised the vampire. He would have expected him to be there to gloat at Spike’s inability to fight off the hulking
demon that had raped him.

Slowly he sank into the blessed unconsciousness his pain and blood loss had created. No ancient poets spoke in his head this time, no dreams of moving from hell to purgatory gave hope even as he realized the visions were not real, just darkness taking over the weary captive.

In time, Spike opened his eyes and saw her. His Buffy. She was smiling at him and gently pushing the hair off his forehead. He couldn’t understand how she had
found him, but he tried to smile in greeting. "Buffy, love, you shouldn’t be here. Finn and his troop of bastards will grab you, too. You have to get out of here", he
said urgently.

"Spike, you’re safe now. I’ve come for you and I love you. I’ll never let you get hurt like this again. I’m ready to give you my heart now. I’ll help you heal and we’ll always be together", Buffy said softly. She was gleaming in the light from the hallway. The look of love pouring from her eyes was such that Spike had never even dared dream she would have for him.

He remembered what had just happened to him and his inability to stop the beast that did it. Spike was filled with shame. Buffy could only want someone as strong as she was. He had failed. He should have killed the bugger before it got a piece of him, not be laying here bleeding, hurt and violated. Buffy would be sickened at the thought and disappointed that he hadn’t stopped it. She wouldn’t love him, not now.

"Pet, I’m no good for you. I’m not worthy of your love. I’ll never be man enough now. I’m dirty, like you said. Dirty, and weak on top of that. I couldn’t stop it, couldn’t fight the bastard off", he turned his head from the girl and felt himself weep silently. ‘Great! Just what I need to add to my reputation, crybaby’, he reproached himself.

Buffy continued to smooth his hair and listened to him as he struggled to deal with what had happened. "I tried, I fought, but the blood loss is bad, Buffy. The stuff they’ve been feeding me isn’t the best and I’m healing so slowly. I haven’t fed much because it’s drugged and I need to keep my wits, you know? My wits didn’t help this time. Big Bad Spike got tossed about like a fledge and…… I just couldn’t fight him off. Finn said I deserved it when he brought it in here. Said vampires kill and rape all the time and I had it coming. Buffy, I never did that. I never forced
myself on a woman, didn’t have to. Dru wanted me, so did Harm, even you. I was faithful to the women I loved, Buffy. Aside from Angelus and his power moves, I never……" Spike’s voice trailed off.

Buffy turned his head to face her, "Spike, you didn’t deserve this. No one does. It was just your body, not you, sweetheart. You weren’t touched! Not the ‘you’ that matters. Your body is all. It wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t fight. They weakened you first and had you chained on top of that. You’re still strong. And mine, Spike, you are mine."

She began to kiss him ever so gently, her soft hands caressing his face. Somehow the manacles were gone and he was able to touch her as well. Spike’s trembling fingers worked through Buffy’s hair as he began to kiss her in return.

Buffy deepened the kiss, thrusting her warm tongue into his mouth, seeking his tongue in response. They caressed each other with hand and tongue for what seemed an endless time. Spike was moaning in pleasure and need as she ran her hands over his body. He didn’t feel any of the pain that had been his constant companion before she arrived.

Buffy removed the thin blanket and gently touched his cock, running her fingers up and down the hard shaft. At the base, she moved her hand to his balls, lavishing
attention on them as well, before moving back up to his eager cock.

She broke off the kiss and worked her way downward, raining kisses from his jaw to his neck and chest. Her tongue soothed the line of stitches that ran from his chest to his abdomen. Her hands followed the same pathway, caressing and teasing. One hand paused on his right nipple and began to rub small circles on and around it, flicking the hardened nib. Her kisses followed a downward path, making him feel afire at her touch. Buffy had never been so loving, so eager to give him pleasure. She was all that Spike had imagined, all he knew she could be.

Her hot, moist mouth arrived at the place just below his stomach and she kissed and teased the hallows there where his legs joined his body. Spike was squirming in need and desire.

While Buffy was exploring his body, Spike had begun to loosen her top, opening first the blouse and then the front closure of her bra. He palmed her breasts and
finally dipped down to take her left nipple in his mouth while he continued to kneed and caress the right one. Buffy sighed in pleasure at his ministrations but didn’t stop her own movements.

She moved her head toward Spike’s middle and dipped her tongue into his belly button, giggling as he squirmed. Then her soft mouth closed over his cock taking in first just the head. Her tongue rolled around the top, slipping into the slit that was wet with precum. Then Buffy lowered her mouth, taking in as much of him as she could. Her hand continued to play with his balls as her mouth moved up and down his
length. She used just enough pressure to send Spike into deep shudders. Her tongue made delightful caresses while her mouth moved over him. Spike feared he would not be able to last very long with the sensations that were washing over him with her touch.

Buffy seemed to sense that he was too close and removed her sweet mouth from his aching member. She kissed her way up, quickly this time, back to his waiting mouth
and kissed him with a passion he’d never felt from her in the past.

"I want you, Spike. I don’t want to hurt you, but I want you too much to wait for you to heal", Buffy said. "Turn on your side and I think it won’t hurt you", she
ordered.

"Pet, nothing you are doing hurts. I’d lay in fire to be with you like this, you know that", Spike said, but he did turn on his side.

"I don’t want you in fire or pain. I’m going to make love to you now, Spike. It won’t be like before. I’m with you now, it’s about love, sweetheart. This is the way it will be from now on", Buffy said and kissed him once more. She rose and
undressed then slid down next to him on the floor.

Buffy lay along side of Spike, facing him. She lifted her right leg and put it over his hip while her hand directed his willing cock to her wet quim. He allowed
her to set the pace, scarcely believing that she still wanted him, much less loved him. She pushed her hips down, enveloping him with her warmth. Spike began to push
into his love slowly, loving the sensation as he encased himself in her tight embrace. When he was fully inside of her, Spike stopped all movement and just
savored the feel of her body around him. He kissed her, all the love he felt showing in the way he worshiped her lips. He moved from breast to hips, loving her with his hands, mouth and tongue.

They both began to move together in unspoken harmony. Slowly at first, then with more force and passion. Spike felt Buffy begin to tense as she neared her first
orgasm. The muscles contracting around his cock nearly brought him to climax as well, but he fought back the urge. He wanted much more than one orgasm for his love. Spike had given up hope of ever being with Buffy again, and never like this,
loving and being loved. She wanted him even after he was damaged! It was too much to have ever hoped for.

He began to thrust into her with more force turning her on her back. Her legs went over his shoulders as he drove into her bringing her quickly to another orgasm that seemed to go on forever. He leaned forward and took her lips in another hungry kiss
filled with all the pent up longing of a man in love. When he broke the kiss to let her breathe, Buffy looked into his eyes and said, "I love you, Spike".

Spike felt his own climax nearing when a sharp pain went through his side. The pain struck again and the room went black around him. He opened his eyes to
find himself still on the dirt floor, manacled, with no Buffy in sight. The pain was from Finn’s boot as he repeatedly kicked the semiconscious vampire.

Spike growled in agony at having been thrust from heaven into the pit of hell that was his reality.

"Hey, Spike. Time to wake up. I’m feeling a need to work off a bit of aggression. Good thing I’ve got you to channel my energy, yeah?", Finn smirked.

Spike looked at the glowing eyes of the man who had taken on the task of punishing Spike for his many sins. Summoning strength he didn’t know he had, Spike used his left leg to trip the soldier. Riley hadn’t expected the move and went down hard.
Spike had a feeling he was going to pay for that move, but it felt so good he thought it might just be worth it.

~*~
Chapter 14
~*~

Willow was coming home. Tara and Xander had gone topick her up from the hospital while Giles, Angel andBuffy put the finishing touches on the small welcome home party they had put together at the last minute. Willow was especially happy to hear that Tara was moving back in with her as well. They still had issues to work through, but Willow’s near miss had decided the issue. Their problems hadn’t gone away, but they would work through them together.

The last few days had been frustrating. Doc was not an easy demon to track. So far none of the Scoobies had been able to locate him. The hunt for the hard-to-kill demon continued, as did the search for Spike.

Angel had been on the phone to LA and had his team looking into things at their end. He had also had some conversations with his son Connor. Cordy was inclined to think the physical separation between father and son was a good one. Holtz, not knowing
that Angel was out of town, had committed suicide and attempted to make it look like Angel had murdered him. When the AI team had proven to Connor that Angel was in Sunnydale at the time, the boy began to reevaluate his "father" and his vendetta against Angel. All was not yet right, but the situation was far more promising than it had been before Angel left LA.

Buffy spent a lot of time by herself. She was like a woman possessed in search of the demon that had caused her death and was behind the disappearance of her current love. She didn’t talk to the gang any further about the relationship she had had with Spike or the one she was now thinking she very much wanted to have with him.

Buffywent over and over in her mind the details she had avoided for so long. She was beginning to see Spike for who he was instead of the role she had cast him in to keep from making any emotional connection. What Giles had told her made her realize that there was nothing sick or perverted in loving Spike, vampire or no. Tara’s words she had taken to heart as well. Spike as a man or vampire had plenty of qualities that would cause a woman to love him. Buffy felt she had arrived at a place of peace within herself that she had not known since Angel had left and she
had closed her heart off from hurt.

Buffy hoped that Willow could at least come up with some magic that might help them to locate Doc and more importantly, Spike. Will might not actually perform the magic, but she could use her knowledge and Tara and Giles could take it from there. Tara was a powerful witch, after all, and Giles had dabbled in sorcery in his checkered youth.

"Welcome home!" the group shouted to their pale but happy friend.

"You can’t believe how glad I am to get out of that place. Jello and Willow? Not a good mix anymore. I am so sick of it, I don’t think I’ll ever eat another jiggly cube!", Willow exclaimed.

"Oh, I guess then I should toss the cherry jello surprise I fixed for the welcome party, huh?", Buffy teased. "Okay, not a good bluff since we all know I don’t know
how to make jello."

"Cake, we have cake! And pizza, too, all the yummy goodness that doesn’t make it onto hospital trays", added Xander.

"Wow, streamers too. I feel so special. I am so glad to be home. I think I squeed the nurse the other day when she came in and saw me kissing Tara. I think her
brain nearly exploded at the idea of gay incestuous sisters. Much better being with people who love me and know me. If you ever see me grab onto another jet-pack-
carrying bad guy, you have my permission to hit me! But I can’t take too many hits on the noggin before I start to show some signs of damage, let me tell you".

"You got lucky this time, Willow. You must not take chances like that in the future", said Giles. He looked at the girl in concern. She was a powerful witch, but the magics had begun to overtake her. In her need to be of help to Buffy, she had nearly been killed.

The magic would always be a part of her. Maybe it was time for Willow to learn how to properly use it without allowing it to use her. It seemed unlikely she would
cease in her efforts to help with Buffy’s work and magic could be a powerful weapon in the battles that always seemed to come. It would be a shame to lose such a powerful tool.

Giles would need to speak to Willow soon about the plan to have her meet the Devon coven and learn how to use the power that coursed through her. Perhaps both she
and Tara could come over to England for the summer, he thought.

The party had been kept short so as not to overtire the convalescent. Willow swore that she was just fine and up for anything. "I’m tired of sleeping. I want to be Research Girl, at least. Tara told me you aren’t having much luck finding Spike and that you believe he’s in some kind of danger. I should have known something was up with that Sam Finn. No one is that nice and perfect. She was one of these ‘Mary Sue’ girls, like in bad Doogie Howser fanfiction. I think I can find a spell Tara can use to see if we can locate Spike’s life force. I mean he’s a vampire and dead and all, but there is still an energy around him that we should be able to trace".

"Yes, that would help a lot". Buffy’s expression was filled with hope and gratitude. "I want to find that demon Doc, too. And I have to know what Riley has to do with this whole mess. I’m really worried that Spike is in danger. Riley always had such a black and white view of demons, vampires especially, and he hated Spike. I’m afraid we need to find him fast or it will be too late".

"Buffy, it is possible that Spike is no longer an issue. I hate to say this in light of all that you’ve told me, but it’s a very real possibility that it was too late from the start", Giles softly said.

"He has to be alright! It wouldn’t be fair for me to finally realize I’m in love with him and then have him gone forever! I can’t allow myself to believe that. We’ll find Spike and he’ll be fine. I’ll make up for all the crap I dealt him this year and everything will be right".

Buffy stared into the faces of the shocked Scoobies and the smirking face of Angel. "Kind of had that one figured. I had a feeling that Spike had managed to work himself into your heart when you called me for help. I warned you all in the beginning, he just doesn’t give up until he gets what he wants. Doesn’t hurt that he’s got a pretty face either", Angel said.

"Not exactly the future I thought you would have when I said goodbye, though", Angel went on. There’s nothing ‘normal’ about Spike. If I had known you were going to fall for another vampire, especially him, I might have stayed".

Buffy stared at her first love in amazement. "You would have stayed? Why? Is your curse fixed? Could we be together? We broke up for a reason, Angel. Without a soul, you are evil. And when we are happy, you lose that soul. Spike doesn’t have that problem. We can make each other happy without leaving a trail of corpses".

All of the Scoobies held their breath, expecting an argument of gigantic proportions to ensue. To their surprise, Angel began to laugh.

"It will take a bit of a monster to keep up with you, Buffy. Good for Spike. At least I know he’s capable of devotion. He stayed faithful to Dru for over a century. Took good care of her, too. You could do worse. I used to hate it that he was corrupted with human emotions, but now I’m glad of it. Maybe with him around you’ll live to retirement age. He’s a good one in a fight and will do anything for someone he loves. Let’s keep looking and hope for the best".

"See, time for the witch to get crackin’. Book crackin’, that is", quipped Willow.

~~~

Spike was dragged back to his small cell after Riley finished taking out all his pent-up aggression on him. Finn had more than gotten even with the vampire for everything that had happened from their first meeting through Spike having brought him to the floor a few hours before. Spike wasn’t sure that brief moment of victory over his captor was worth the hours of pain he would be experiencing, but it had
felt wonderful at the time.

When Spike was chained and left alone the voice began again. "Spike, you can survive this. You have experienced worse. You must stay strong if you are to
return to your lady and make certain she lives a long life. You need to accept the blood, even if it is drugged. You have got to heal if you can hope to fight back again".

"Sod off, Virgil, or whoever you are. ‘M too tired to be anything right now. Save the pep talk, just let me sleep and bugger off", Spike muttered. Riley headed for the clinic to get his hands bandaged. Much as he had enjoyed knocking Spike senseless, his hands were showing the results in a painful way. Breaking bones was harsh business for both parties when using bare hands.

"Ri, what the hell happened to your hands?", asked Sam Walsh as she passed the Colonel in the corridor.

"Just had a little dance with my favorite vampire, Sam. What are you doing here?"

"I came for some aspirin. I’ve got a bit of a headache, nothing serious. Riley, I thought we were going to go after the Slayer, too. Why don’t you just finish up on Spike and we can get back to capturing Buffy for the team to check out. You know I really want that. She’s the one that caused Mother to be killed and her work to be discredited, after all".

"In time, Sam. The guys that used to be with the Watchers Council are pushing for it, too. They want to get rid of both Buffy and Faith so a decent slayer can be called. That’s one of the reasons why they left the Council. If we move too soon, Buffy will be on her guard. We have to play this part carefully or we’ll lose our chance. Buffy’s a smart girl, Sam".

"Is that the reason, or do you still carry a torch for the Slayer, Ri? You seem awful interested in torturing her newest boyfriend and not as interested in finishing the plan, if you ask me. You haven’t slept a whole night in months, you don’t eat enough to keep a small boy alive and you spend most of your time obsessing over that vampire. You should just stake him and be done with it".

"And while you’re here, are you going to get the doctor to look at your leg and find out why you’ve been limping?, Sam continued. Neither of them had been able to think of what injury Finn had incurred that had caused his noticeable limp and Sam was starting to worry.

"No, I don’t want to take the down time for tests right now. When all of this is finished, I’ll have it checked out. I’m fine, Sam, but thanks for caring". Riley gave her a little smile.

~~~

The mood at the Summers home was somber and quiet. Since Buffy had announced to the room that she’d given her heart to yet another vampire, her friends were at a loss as to what they could say that wouldn’t end in an ugly scene.

True, Xander had taken Willow’s words to heart and was not saying the many negative things that crossed his mind. Nonetheless, it was obvious that he was thinking
them and everyone was just waiting for him to let loose with his anticipated list of reasons why Spike was not now, nor ever, to be considered worthy of Buffy’s consideration, let alone love.

Willow leaned towards her lover and said, "Wanna make a bet which one will snap first? My money’s on Giles, ‘cause Xander would have by now if he was going to be
the first."

Tara couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. She surprised Willow with her reply. "I don’t know. I think Mr. Giles has been expecting Buffy to admit the way she feels. I don’t think it’s a surprise at all. I’m surprised at Angel, though. Everything you’ve said about him made me think he’d really pop a cork."

"I think Angel may have moved on, too. I’d never have thought it would be to Cordy, but it looks like", Willow said.

"I never met Cordy, of course, but she sounds like she’s at least a little like Buffy, so maybe it was that part of her that attracted Angel at first", Tara said.

Angel glanced over at the girls and gave them a glower. They hadn’t remembered his enhanced vampire hearing until they saw the way he disapproved of them speculating on his love interests. Both girls blushed.

Research was going slowly. Finding a spell that could zero in on the "life force" that was part of a being not technically alive was not the easiest task. Most of the books Giles had on vampires dealt with methods of killing them and little else.

Angel had tried to tune in to Spike, hoping the myth of vampires from the same line sensing one another might have some truth to it. He was not too surprised, however,
to find he wasn’t able to sense a thing. After all, he hadn’t sensed Darla or Dru when they had come to LA and he’d been taken by surprise by Spike and Dru when they first arrived in Sunnydale years ago.

Their best hope seemed to be in locating Doc and getting the information out of him, preferably after a vigorous beating. The hard-to-kill demon had found a safe hiding place it would seem, because none of the usual informants had any information to give.

Finally, Willow looked up in excitement from the book she had been studying. It was an old grimore she had taken from the Magic Box during the battle against Glory the previous year. "Hey, this might help. It won’t tell us where Spike is, but it should tell us IF he is"

At Buffy’s stricken look, Willow hastened to make it sound a bit better. "I mean, we’ll know more about HOW he is, Buffy. I’m sure he’s still around. Like you said,
you’d know if he was dust."

Tara began to gather the ingredients for the spell as Willow explained how it would work to the rest of the group. Giles and Tara would perform the spell. Giles hadn’t done much magic since his Ripper days, but he had the power in him still.

Giles and Tara joined hands and recited the appropriate Latin-y sounding phrases, candles were lit, herbs set to boil, and then the spell was cast. The Scoobies waited anxiously for the pair to tell what they had learned in their psychic exploration. Giles finally spoke, "Well, Spike is still among us it would seem".

Buffy jumped up from her place on the sofa and beamed in joy. "I knew it! He’s okay, now we just have to find him and bring him home." She felt sa if she could finally breathe again.

"I didn’t say he was okay, Buffy", Giles cautioned. "Actually, the impression I received is that he is in a very grave state indeed. Wherever he is, time really is of the essence if we are going to be able to save him at all. We couldn’t tell much", Giles looked at Tara for affirmation, "but I believe he has lost a good deal of blood. It felt as though he were being held captive, rather than just badly injured somewhere and unable to return home."

"Giles is right. That’s what I got, too. Spike’s not in good shape, Buffy, but he can make it if we find him in time. He’s not able to do much himself right now.
I really don’t think he’d be able to escape without our help", Tara confirmed.

"Time to turn Sunnydale upside down for this Doc character then", said Angel. "I’m not so sure that someone doesn’t know something but isn’t talking. Demon or
not, Doc has to eat. Maybe we should identify just exactly what kind of demon he is and we’ll have a clue what he likes to chow down on. That might narrow our search."

"I’ll tell you everything I remember from when Spike and I killed him the first time. I remember that tongue for sure", Xander offered.

Willow was sent to bed so that her small reserve of strength wouldn’t be depleted. She had only just returned from the hospital, after all. "Besides, Will, you’ve already done so much by finding that spell", said Buffy. She hugged her friend and sent her upstairs to rest.

The remaining group listened to every detail Xander could remember and set to work on the research. Angel decided to pay a visit to Doc’s former home in the hope of finding some clues to where or what the demon was. Xander had remembered the small house quite well and Angel only hoped the demon had not moved after being pushed from the tower and presumed dead.

They all worked with a renewed sense of purpose. If the spell was correct, speed was crucial if Buffy was not to be left broken-hearted once again. Xander and Giles might not have had a deep affection for the missing vampire, but they both had a sincere love for Buffy.

"Well, if Buffy has to wind up with a vampire, I’m just glad it’s not Broody Boy", stated Xander. Giles didn’t say it, but he could not have agreed more with the boy.


~~~

"You know, Spikey, I can’t decide if I want to dust you myself when I’m through playing around, or if I want to make sure Buffy finds out the chip is gone and let her do it. She will, you know. The only reason Buffy let you live this long is pity. Yeah, she told me that plenty of times. Even after the egg thing, I offered to stake you and she said you weren’t worth it. Not really a vampire, I guess, with the chip. Now, without it you wouldn’t even get a chance to plead your case and you know it. Yup, I’m going to have to really think that one through. There’s a
certain pleasure either way. I want to be sure I get the most bang for my buck, as they say.", Riley said.

He had made a habit of dropping by Spike’s cell each night to drive home the idea that Buffy knew of his intention to dust the vampire and had no objection.

"Buffy wouldn’t act the way you describe. She’s good, full of kindness. She would want to be sure I had to be dusted before she’d stake me. Worked too close together for her not to hesitate that much. I know her, the person she is. She’s not like you. She does her duty but doesn’t get any sick pleasure out of it, doesn’t get her jollies torturin’ some demon. Bugger off, soldier boy. You were never good enough
for her, that’s your problem". Spike might be down, but he was definitely not out. He might privately wonder if Buffy would value his efforts of the last few years enough to take a chance, but he knew her to be fair at least.

Riley answered with a few kicks in the direction of Spike’s remaining intact ribs. "Yeah? And YOU are? You’re filth, Spike, a killer. You’re so soaked in blood, she could never see YOU. Buffy felt sorry for you and then she punished herself by sleeping with you. You were punishment for her, the worst thing she could think of to do to herself. At least with me…she wanted to love me. She was on the way to feeling it, too, until you butted in. Maybe you’re right and Buffy would hesitate. I guess then I’ll just have to be the one to do it. Won’t use plastic this time either", he spat.

Long after Riley left his cell, Spike heard Riley’s words ring in his head mixed with similar words that Buffy had said in that alley an eternity ago. Spike didn’t fool himself that Buffy saw him as anything but the unclean, unsouled monster that she had called him more than once. He wasn’t about to let Captain Cardboard know that, though. He was certain that Buffy was not a part of what happened to him in any way, but she was not likely to be sorry that he was gone either. That thought made him sob with an inner pain worse than any physical pain he already felt.


~~~

Riley was angry. Somehow even taking out his anger issues on Spike wasn’t enough. He felt angry all the time now. He was afraid that if he didn’t dust the vampire soon, others in his organization might begin to wonder about his obsession with Spike and take the matter out of his hands. After all, the medical division had all they wanted from Spike and were merely indulging Finn’s desire to be executioner
because he had been so useful to them. Eventually they would begin to wonder why he was taking so long and that would end any chance he would be the one to finally put an end Spike. He needed to make final plans.

As for the other part of the project, capturing Buffy for the purpose of study and elimination, well, he hadn’t exactly agreed to that part, even if Sam felt sure he had. The former Council members would have to do that bit of dirty work themselves. Finding out that Buffy had tried to stop his leaving but had arrived too late had done much to soften the hatred Riley had built up at the end of their affair.

Riley went into the gym to workout. Lately he seemed to have far more energy than he was able to use in the course of a day. Even having his little visits with Spike weren’t tiring him as they should. He longed to sleep more than a couple of hours but just couldn’t seem to relax. He wasn’t taking in enough food to fuel that sort of energy, but he had yet to lose any weight. Maybe when this whole project was
finished he’d arrange for a full check up. That would also get him out of any mission to capture the Slayer. He’d sign on for the final stage, to take out Faith,
but he’d like to pass on hurting Buffy, if possible.

***

Angel hit pay dirt. It seemed that Doc had felt perfectly safe to return to his home by the Sunnydale docks. The little demon didn’t realize anyone knew he was still alive. The soldier and his group had left him for dead, just as everyone else did. Spike and the human boy had made that mistake the first time and the entire group had done so again at the base of the tower. No reason to expect the soldiers to come looking for him, even if they did know where he lived.

"Well, well, well, if it isn’t The Doctor", said Angel.

"Who are you, vampire? I haven’t time for social niceties. I have journals to complete. If you’ve come for a spell or ritual, you’ll have to come by at a more convenient time", Doc said.

"No, I think it’s pretty convenient right now, actually. This is about someone I think we both know. A couple of someones--one a vampire like me and the other a human soldier who looks like the poster boy for Marine recruiting", Angel said.

Doc’s eyes opened wide in panic and he darted for the open doorway.

The fight was quick. Angel had been warned of the tricks the demon was capable. For once, Xander had proved to be surprisingly helpful.

"You won’t be a match for them. There’re too many. They are well armed and equipped, too. Besides, your friend Spike is probably ash by now. That soldier
wanted to do him in badly", Doc taunted.

"I think that’s my business, don’t you? You’re going to tell me everything you know. Everything you THINK you know. Then, I’m going to decide if you should die slowly or if I should just make it quick. Believe me, you’re no match for me", Angel promised.

"I think we’ll do this at the Slayer’s", Angel decided. "She has even more reason than I do to see you take a permanent trip to some hell dimension. I’m sure your friend Glory will be more than happy to see you again when you get there". Angel could always channel his inner Angelus when he wished to.

~~~

The door hitting the wall startled the Scoobies from their reading, as Angel thrust the clearly frightened Doc into the room. "Look who I found. I’m thinking we might need a truth spell to make sure that long tongue of his isn’t forked, but we’ll get
some answers before we figure out how to make him stay dead this time", said Angel.

It did take a truth spell to get all the information the little demon had to tell. In the end they discovered all Doc had overheard as well as been told concerning the operation. The set up was confirmed, how Spike’s desire to get money to help Buffy had made him vulnerable to the whole egg scam and how his preoccupation with losing Buffy made it easy to subdue and capture the vampire.

Buffy felt guilty that her denial of real feelings for Spike had led to such a mess. "Great, now I don’t just drive away the guys I love, I get them kidnapped and who knows what else", she groaned.

"I believe the plan was for some scientific study and then a bit of torture before dusting", smirked Doc.

Doc didn’t know the name of the group the soldiers were a part of, only that they were well funded and unattached to any formal government. Giles was appalled to hear that there were former members of the Watchers Council involved.

"Yeah, they gave Wes a hard time when they came after Faith", Angel said. "Didn’t like the way certain vampires were kept like sacred cows. I think there’s more of that thinking than you’d want to know, Giles. The only good demon is a dead demon, according to most of your buddies. Souls don’t matter, harmlessness doesn’t
matter, not even doing good like Spike. Nice group of friends you have there, Giles".

"You know perfectly well I don’t share that attitude. If I did, you would have been staked upon first meeting and Spike wouldn’t have ever darkened my door, much less lived in my apartment", Giles replied.

"Tell the nice Watcher the part of the plan you overheard that involves Buffy, Doc", Angel urged.

Doc told of the plan to come back and capture Buffy. He recounted how the member of the team with a British accent had laughed that soon the troublesome slayers would be
gone and replaced with a girl who would know her duty and do it. The medical doctors in the group had wanted the chance to examine Buffy to see if the source of her
power could be discovered. The Scoobies got chills as Doc described how the group had decided that a capture, rather than a kill, would be the best plan.

"Faith will have to be warned and protected", Angel said. He headed for the phone in the hallway to place a call to Gunn to get the wheels moving on that front.

"I think we may need to involve the Council, also", Giles put in. "If this group has the sort of funding this creature says, we’ll need Council resources to shut them
down. I don’t think we dare leave the group intact. Finding and rescuing Spike is only one of our aims now".

The Scoobies gathered all the information the demon had on the group and its plans and goals. Tara’s truth spell had shown that Doc didn’t know anything further.
What he had told them would have to be enough. They had a fairly good idea of the area where the group was headquartered and Tara was sure that they could find a way to track Spike once they were closer to his location.

Finally, it was time to deal with Doc, once and for all. Buffy did her duty quickly enough to please the most critical of the Watchers. This time Doc was going to stay dead. Giles and Xander took the body and burned the remains. Tara later scattered the ash in various dimensional portals to prevent Doc from ever being a blight on their lives again.

Then it was time to plan their assault on the enemy.

~*~
Chapter 15
~*~

"I’m sorry, Buffy, but this goes beyond a missing vampire", Giles argued. "An organization with the resources this one appears to have is far too large for a small band of people to bring down. And it must be brought down, as you well know. Your life, Faith’s life, indeed the integrity of the entire Council and the mission are at stake here. Without any official government sponsorship that would give us a focal point to exert pressure, we must avail ourselves of the power of the Watchers Council. Brute force will be the order of the day, and we cannot exert that by
ourselves alone."

Giles and Buffy had been having a rather heated exchange ever since the Watcher had first said the Council was going to have to be notified about the group responsible for Spike’s disappearance and the threat to the slayers.

"Giles, you know the Council is likely to agree with these idiots. They are still pissed off at me for the way I made them take you back, and they already sent a hit team after Faith before she volunteered for prison. They’d love a brand new shiny
Slayer all ready to say ‘yes, sir, whatever you say, sir’ to them. If they DO decide to help us, it won’t help Spike at all. I’m sure there would be some
‘oopsy’ sitch with a nice piece of wood to take care of William The Bloody. I won’t risk him getting dusted by the good guys, if you want to call them that. We’ll get him out, then worry about closing up their little science lab", Buffy said.

"Look, Buffy, I heard you express your, er, feelings for Spike along with the rest of your friends. I do understand your fears and agree that it would be unlikely for the Council of Watchers to overly concern themselves with the safety and care of a vampire, especially one with the notorious reputation of Spike. We will be there, however, and do everything in our collective power to see to Spike’s safety. At this moment, it is YOUR safety that worries me. Angel has already seen to Faith’s
protection through his sources. You are the one at risk, Buffy, and I won’t lose you because of a possible threat to one annoying vampire", Giles said firmly.

"Um, guys, maybe it isn’t an either/or situation", suggested Xander. "I mean the Council is way over in London, right? Even if they have a team close by, it would take a little while to put it all together, I’m guessing. How about we gather up our favorite toys and our very best witches and head for the area where this fun bunch of scientists are supposed to be hunkered down. The really-really-dead-for-good-this-time demon pointed us to the general area and told us it was underground. I’m betting Tara and Willow will be able to do that locator on Spike once we’re in the right neighborhood. The mad science guys won’t be expecting the Buffster to show up on their doorstep, so she’ll be safer than staying here. We locate Spike, call the Council from there, spring the Annoying Undead and skip town before the Council militia make the scene. Sounds win/win to me, huh?"

"Good Lord, this must be a sign of an impending Apocalypse, Xander has come up with a detailed and workable plan!", said Giles. He took off his glasses and polished them for emphasis.

"And it’s a plan to help rescue Spike! I think you may be right, Giles. Hellmouth openings on the horizon!", added Willow with a laugh.

"Xander, do you still have access to that van from your construction job? I think we may need to move Spike in the daylight and that’s the best way to do it without trying to stuff him in a trunk", Buffy said.

"Yeah, I think Bob will let me borrow it. He’ll think it’s for a hot date and he’s kinda challenged that way. Sure, I’ll go take care of it and meet you guys back
here in, say, an hour?", Xander said. "I’ll stop by Willie’s and pick up some bagged human. If Spikey is in bad shape, I’m thinkin’ we can let him off the ‘all
pork, all the time’ diet this once."

"I can do that", Angel volunteered. "I think I can make sure that Willie gives us the good stuff. Besides, it will look more natural for me to go in for blood take-out than it would for you. The fewer questions and rumors, the better".

"Giles, think we can put together some non-lethal things like tear gas or something like that to take out a lot of these guys in one pop? I can’t see us killing a bunch of humans even if they are just like the Initiative was", Willow suggested.

"I think I may know a couple of spells that might help, too", offered Tara.

"Great, Team Vamp Rescue is starting to come together. Thanks, guys, you don’t know how much it means to me", said Buffy.

"We know, Buffy. YOU are the reason we are going to the extra effort", Giles said.

"Well, I sort of like Spike, too, and so does Tara", added Willow. "But, yeah, I figure I owe Buffy some happy since I’m the one that brought her back to Hellmouthy fun and games". The witch was heartily glad to have a chance to do something to alleviate some of the guilt she felt at having dragged her friend out of heaven.

~~~

Riley had been with Spike for over an hour. It was taking less and less time to beat the captive vampire into unconsciousness these days. The blood loss was considerable and Spike was rapidly failing with no effort required on Riley’s part. This fed Finn’s frustration and caused him to become even more angry with the vampire who was bearing the brunt of all of the soldier’s anger and hatred.

"Ri, look, I get that you’re getting some catharsis from this, but enough is enough, okay?" interrupted Sam. "We need to move on. I just left a meeting with the brass and they’ve decided it’s time to go pick up the Slayer. They also wanted me to tell you to get your butt in gear and finish this. Do it however you’re going to do it and lets gear up for Sunnydale. I’m thinking they’ll roll out the welcome mat and we can just wait till everyone else is gone before we taser the bitch and head out.
The Slayer’s friends seemed to really like me and Xander practically worships you. This is a no-sweat mission for once."

"Okay, stop nagging. You’re not my wife, Sam", Riley sighed. "Look, I’ll clear this up in a minute. I want to stop by the clinic first before we go to the next phase. Tell the brass that it’s covered. Why don’t you go get some rest before we need to head out?"

"’K. Make sure you tell the doc about the lack of sleep and not just the weird limp. I know, now I sound like a wife again", Sam said with a fond smile.

Sam left the cell area with a pleased smile on her face. Finally they could move onto more important things than one wasted vampire!

~~~

Spike had begun to rouse himself from the ground. He was still able to see out of his right eye, even though it would likely be swollen shut, like the left one was, by morning.

"Well, Spike, looks like it’s that time. Not that you’re human or anything, but I’m thinking that this cell isn’t all that humane a place, even for a vamp like you. No fresh air, no view, I don’t think the folks at the Geneva convention would have approved at all. I know just the place to move your sorry ass. Of course, there will be some hours in the day where you’ll need to stand in just the right spot to keep from making an ash of yourself", Riley said. He laughed at his own joke for a bit before continuing. "Of course, you might just fall asleep and wake up on fire. Or maybe you’ll just do us all a favor and not worry about it at all."

"What makes you think I’m gonna stay where you put me, White Bread?", said Spike. He wasn’t about to let Finn think he had broken Spike’s spirit over the many weeks of torture. He might go out in flames, but he’d do it standing proud.

"Since you won’t be able to move, the way you’re going to be chained, the best you’ll be able to do is fall over into the sunlight and fry. As for getting you there, well, that’s where these tranq darts come in, Spike", Finn explained.

It took more than one dart to put Spike out, but even the most determined vampire can only hold out so long against chemicals.

~~~

The next time Spike was able to see, he did indeed have a view. He was chained in a small hut with a large window too high to be seen from, but too low to allow the possibility that the sunlight would be indirect when it did come. Spike looked at the night sky and tried to determine what direction the fatal sunrise would come. He suspected he was chained in the last area the light would reach. Finn would want the longest amount of time possible for fear to run its course before Spike blazed out in glory. He decided to sleep now so he could stay awake when he needed to be alert and upright.

~~~

"Colonel Finn, let me just have a look at that leg. It might be painful, so swallow these for me and I’ll be back in to have that look", said the doctor.

Riley took the tablets and sat stiffly, eager to have the exam finished. The doctor had been interested in all the complaints Riley had mentioned. As he had promised Sam, the Colonel left nothing out. Maybe that would get Sam off his back, Riley thought as his vision blurred and the room began to dim. In a very few minutes, Riley Finn was as unconscious as he had left his vampire captive.

~~~

Sam Walsh was looking through the one-way glass at her old friend and faux husband. She sighed deeply as she began to question the doctor. "So, why the malfunctions? I know he hasn’t had an injury that would cause all the problems. And he’s really off the scale. Sometimes he even snaps at me! I think you may need to adjust the levels of the serum or he’s liable to start taking US out. Could this be because
Mom had him on the meds and the implant? None of the others have reacted this way, but they weren’t part of the original Initiative either. I’m just glad he had the vampire to fixate on and take out his rage. He’s unstable."

"Yes, of course", the doctor agreed. "We’ve been watching closely since you first sent up the alert. He has no memory of the surgery or the alterations and we’d like to keep it that way. Judging by previous behavior, coupled with his current instability, we cannot risk his finding out. The fact that he would have died out
there in the jungle without the cyborg implants would not likely win us any points. The medication that allows the human parts of him to accept the artificial seems to be what is causing the mental and emotional instability. We will have to adjust the dosage, but we dare not discontinue it. He is our prototype, our ‘six million dollar man’, as it were. We’ll fix the damage to the wiring that is causing the limp and start to alter the medication. You must see to it that he eats properly. That is still the best method to get the serum into his system. He refuses any daily ‘vitamin’ supplements" we offer.

"Let me get in there to do that rewiring before he comes to", the doctor continued. "I think I’ll keep him overnight. Tell him I want some ‘sleep lab’ time to deal with the rest issues. That should give me time to check on those drug and hormone levels and come up with a new dosage. Meanwhile, I’ll let him think he fell asleep due to the lack of rest he’s been experiencing".

"I know you’ll get him back up to speed, doctor. He was so special to Mom, I know she would want him to be her crowning glory. It’s better without adding the demon element. If mom had stuck to the machine/human mix and left the demon parts out, Adam might have been all she had hoped. Now it’s up to Riley and you, Doctor", Sam said.

~~~

The rescue plan was in place and the Scooby crew managed to find the area with less effort than they had expected. Of course it helped to have spotted a pair of commandos leaving a convenience store and following them to an area just perfect for an underground facility location. The presence of a helicopter and large garage only underlined the success of their find.

"Bingo! I think we’ve got him! Well, not the exact, exact spot yet, but we’ve narrowed it down", Willow almost shouted. Tara had done the special locator spell to pinpoint Spike as soon as they were sure they had the right area. "He’s somewhere in a five mile radius. We can narrow that down, but it may take a little while", Willow admitted.

"I guess we’ll have to live with that for now, but please hurry", Buffy said.

"Show of hands for all in favor of sneaking downstairs and scoping out the joint", suggested Xander.

"I was thinking the very same thing", Giles agreed. "It would be a good idea to get Angel out of the great outdoors, at any rate. We can only hope the element of
surprise will work in our favor".

"Oh, I can help with that. A bit of a glamour spell and presto change-o, three new NCOs report for duty", Willow offered. Willow jumped at the chance to do more than just write spells and a glamour was nothing to cause black eye syndrome. Still, she glanced at her lover to be certain that Tara wouldn't take exception to Willow indulging in actual magic this one time. Tara merely nodded in agreement.

"What about me, Will? I’m not just standing around waiting for Spike to fall in my lap here", Buffy complained.

"No, but I’m thinking you’d make a better doctor than a soldier. You’re kinda tiny and they aren’t the midget marines after all. A glamour can only do so much, Buff", Willow teased. She was beginning to feel the stirrings of victory close at hand and her mood was reflecting her happiness at the prospect of doing something proactive to bring it about.

It all went like clockwork. The quartet easily blended in to the background of the facility, which turned out to be much larger than expected. Giles spotted the medical division first and suggested they begin the search there. They all remembered Doc’s gleeful description of the medical plans this group had for ‘Hostile 17’.

There was no sign of Spike in any of the holding cells they found. Angel saw a file on a desk in one doctor’s office with the title ‘Project Sunnydale, Initiative Clean-Up’. The desk was closest to Giles. Angel indicated with a gesture the need for a diversion to allow Giles to snap up the file.

Xander pretended to stumble, knocking into Angel and the resulting curses and shoving caught the eye of the nurse in the room. She came into the hall to try to
calm the troubled waters. Giles slipped in and out of the office in record time, file tucked carefully in his jacket. Before any further attention could be drawn on the group, the ‘soldiers’ made up and peace was restored.

At that moment, Buffy caught sight of Sam Finn and headed in her direction. There was nothing she wanted more than to get physical with Riley’s little G.I. Jane.

When Angel saw the determined look on his former love’s face, he held back Xander from following her. Better he act as backup in case Buffy’s actions drew any
attention from others in the facility. Sam went through an exit door into a stairwell with Buffy close behind.

"Good Lord, she’s going to jeopardize the entire operation! Has the girl no sense whatsoever?" Giles sputtered as Buffy and Angel disappeared from view.

~~~

Sam didn’t recognize Buffy at first. Willow’s glamour spell was a good one, but not as effective when you got up close. As soon as she realized it was the Slayer and not a medical resident, Sam reached for the alarm switch to bring help, but she never made it. Buffy broke her arm before she could pull the lever.

"Okay, bitch, where did your husband take my boyfriend? Don’t even think about lying or stalling ‘cause I’m all out of patience with you both", Buffy warned.

The two women struggled on the stairwell, Sam fighting surprisingly well in spite of her non-slayer status. "Your latest vampire lay is dust by now, Blondie. Riley finished playing with him last night. He had a great time, but we’ve got other things to do, like you!", Sam replied.

The fight took on elements of a traditional cat fight complete with hair pulling and biting. The concrete steps made a treacherous battleground but both warriors used it to their best advantage. Metal handrails gave both leverage in their lunges at one another.. "Nope, try again, Catwoman, Spike’s still among us. You need to point me in the right direction before I decide to use YOUR blood to help him feel better", Buffy ordered.

"I’m not lying. Damn, you’re as stupid as the stereotypical blonde, aren’t you? Even I know the Slayer wouldn’t feed a human to a vampire", Sam said with a smirk.

"She might not, but I would", said Angel, slipping into game face.

Sam jerked violently at the sight of the vampire threatening her, losing her balance as she did so. Sam plummeted down the stairwell and landed with a heavy thud at the foot at the stairs.. Buffy didn’t need to be a real doctor to realize that Sam Finn had snapped her neck. The angle of the body was testament to her quick death.

~~~

Spike watched as the sunlight crept ever nearer. Even though his one good eye was only opened a small slit, his he could track its progress. Despite his best efforts to focus on the approaching sunbeams, Spike was beginning to hallucinate again. His good buddy Virgil was back yammering in his head again.

"Look, you bleedin’ ghostie or whatever the hell you are, I’m kinda busy here trying not to turn into barbeque, if you don’t mind. Don’t have time to listen to you givin’ another one of your daft speeches. Why don’t you look up Dru, she’d love a nice visit from a new vision. Got a soft spot for poets, too, my Dru, so take Dante with you why don't you?"

"Spike, your Beatrice draws near. Soon you can leave this level. She will escort you on the next part of your journey. Just as with Dante, who is still in prayer", the voice said.

"Yeah? Well, good on him. Don’t have a soddin’ Beatrice and the only journey I’m on is out of the path of Mr. Sunshine there. Thanks all the same for the kind thoughts, now sod off,". Spike moved further into the corner, desperately avoiding the progressing sunlight.

~~~

The group rejoined Willow and Tara in the woods that ringed the helipad and motorpool that served the facility.

"I really must place that call to the Council now, Buffy, if they are to be of any help at all. We saw no sign of Spike down there, so it is reasonable to believe that if he is still alive..or undead…or whatever, he is not inside that bunker. Perhaps there will be something in this file, or the locator spell might work better with the refinements the girls have come up with. I can no longer delay the call", Giles stated.

Giles proceeded to take out his cell phone and make the necessary report to Quentin Travers himself, detailing everything except the involvement of two very well known vampires in the whole situation.

Buffy sat with Willow as Tara began the new spell to try to find Spike before the whole area became far too crowded to assure his survival. Willow took her friend’s hand to reassure her that all would be fine, it had to be.

Giles began to look through the stolen file and grew ashen. "Oh dear, well the fat is truly in the fire now", he said quietly. The report he had been scanning clearly described the removal of the behavior modification chip from Hostile 17. "It would be best for Buffy if he is already dust. I hate the thought of her having to go through that nightmare again".

~*~
Chapter 16
~*~

"Got him! This time it’s really specific, Buffy", Willow nearly shouted.

"Point me in the right direction. Any idea how he’s doing, or does that just say where he is?", asked Buffy. She was checking to be certain she was armed with everything necessary to stop humans just short of killing them. Her plan was still to get Spike
out safely without taking a human life. Then again, self defense WAS self defense!

The small hut the locator spell had indicated held Spike’s essence was several feet from the motorpool garage. It had most likely been used as a storage shed of some sort at one time. It appeared to be abandoned and the earth around it was overgrown with weeds. There didn’t appear to be much activity near the motorpool. Any personnel that might be on duty must be in the garage itself. The weeds around the hut were trampled down leading to the door, however, showing recent movement in or out of the shed.

Buffy, along with Giles and Xander, prepared to enter the hut. Angel was in the back of the van, out of the sunlight, preparing to help with Spike once they got him to the van. Willow was in the driver’s seat and Tara was on the passenger side. They had driven as
close as possible to the hut and Tara was chanting a spell to make the van blend in with the surrounding scenery. The idea was to get in, get Spike and get on the road before any of the expected Council of Watchers operatives made an appearance. Giles would remain to meet the Council team and direct them to the underground bunker.

Before exiting the van, Giles hid the file with the damning information under the cushion of passenger seat. So far none of the group had even mentioned the file, having put it from their minds in the aftermath of the death of Sam Finn and the ongoing search for Spike.


Giles would deal with the ramifications of Spike’s chipless state at a later time. He greatly feared that if he brought it up now it would lead to chaos within the ranks of the Scoobies and they did not have time to spare for that now. The Council had deployed their first team from the Los Angeles area and they would be there all too soon. Time enough to argue when the Scooby crew got home. If Spike were in the same or worse condition he was in when they did the original spell, his chipless condition wouldn’t matter anyway.

Xander started to shove open the door to the hut only to have Buffy reach out and stop him. "Wait! Make sure to open it slowly. We don’t want the sunlight to hit him", she cautioned.

Spike had slid down the wall nearly a half-hour before he heard sounds outside of the door. He just couldn’t stay standing in his shadowed nook any longer. What little strength he had left was rapidly depleting. Spike had tucked his legs tightly into his chest to make himself as small a target as he could. Maybe if he could stay alert he could summon the energy to rise again when the sun continued its encroachment on his safety zone. He had to try. There was little more than an inch of space between the sun and himself at this point and he would need to press himself tightly to the wall to survive.

His talky friend was back again. Spike decided that he had snapped mentally at some point. He had lived with Dru long enough to recognize the signs. Next thing you know, he’d be naming rocks or some such. Spike hoped that the hallucinations were only a side effect from the blood loss and that if he survived, he wouldn’t be as loony as his former love forever.

"Spike, your Beatrice is coming, she is just outside the door".

Spike looked up towards the door and, just as the voice promised, there stood the vision of perfect womanhood. The sunlight hit her in a way that obscured her features, but the way her hair shone, like spun gold, and the light playing on her form made her appear to glow. Spike wondered if he was in the company of an angel or if he truly HAD lost his mind.

"Beatrice, Angel? Are you real or am I mad?" he asked the vision.

"Spike, it’s me, Buffy. Angel’s in the van. How’d you know he’s here? Who’s Beatrice? And you’d better have a good answer or I’ll be the one mad".

"Must be crazy, thought you said you’re Buffy. She’d never come for me. ‘M evil and disgustin’, wouldn’t put herself out for a thing like me. Soldier Boy’s right about that at least", Spike muttered.

Buffy grimaced at those words. She knew she had said them to Spike often enough but never really thought that he had taken them to heart. Then again, she had been denying his ability to have real emotions at the time too. Of the two of them, she had been the one unable to feel, he felt far too much. Buffy realized that she had a great deal to undo from the past few months before they could really move forward. At least she had found him in time to have that chance.

"Spike, don’t move! The sun’s too close to you. Stay where you are and we’ll come to you", Buffy said urgently. Spike had started to rise and his body had come far too close to the patch of sun for Buffy’s comfort.

The three rescuers moved quickly. Buffy and Giles went to free Spike from the chains that held him. Xander headed for the deadly window to use a tarp to cover the opening. They had brought it as a potential means of moving Spike if he were unconscious.

Spike was conscious but didn’t seem completely lucid. He looked from Giles to Buffy with his confusion clearly showing. Reality and fantasy seemed to have blended to the point where he wasn’t sure what was what any longer. What was clear was that the chains were off and the sunlight was blocked and he was not yet a big pile of dust.. His vocal, invisible companion seemed to have taken a hike, too. Maybe things were looking up.

They got Spike into the van with more speed than any of them suspected they could muster. Spike had yet to say anything sensible, just staring from Buffy to the Scoobies to Angel in amazement. He was 99% sure that he had fried and was in some hell dimension were he would seem to be saved by the most unlikely sources only to be tormented further for eternity.

Giles held back and said, "Go! I’ll meet you at Buffy’s when I finish with the Council here. I think I hear a helicopter now. Move out. The last thing they need to see is their Slayer in the company of two of the most well-known vampires in history", he pointed out. "We want them to close this operation down, not join it."

Spike knew he had to be in the midst of an ‘episode’. Dru had gone into fugue states enough times that he recognized the symptoms. He was seeing Buffy and her face showed all the concern and love he could have ever wanted from her. As unlikely as a Scooby rescue, featuring a willing Xander, was the presence of Angel. If Spike needed any further proof that he had gone mad, it was the inclusion of his sire in this hallucination.

He hadn’t been in Angel’s company since the Gem of Amarra incident. They had not exactly parted as bosom buddies, not that they ever had been before. For his mind to conjure up Angel in some rescue scenario was enough to make Spike let out a weak, burst of laughter. Pathetic that his subconscious was calling out to his sire like in the days when Angelus had abandoned his family at the turn of the last century. "First crazy like Dru, now the daddy issues, too", he thought to himself.

Spike had so little blood left in him that just staying semi-alert was a trial. Since his mind had decided to leave him in the lurch, Spike decided it best to simply shut down and fall into the arms of Morpheus. If he were very lucky the old god would give him pretty dreams of a caring Buffy and his body would somehow avoid the nearing sun. That, or he’d dust while unaware what was happening.

"Shit! God, he’s out like a light", Angel noted. "I guess it might be for the best from the looks of him, but it’ll be damned hard to feed him this way. He needs the blood, too. I really don’t want to find out what happens to a vampire when they lose it all".

Buffy sat for a moment holding Spike’s unmoving body in her arms like a live, modern Pieta. Tears coursed down her face as she looked over his condition. She realized that Spike was not yet aware that he was safe now. He had never expected her to come to his rescue, much less care about what had happened to him. She knew that fault lay at her door. She had taken his love and twisted it, and him, for months and finally walked off into the sunlight, where he couldn’t follow to plead his case. She had said so many hurtful things to him that the beating she had given him in that alley paled in comparison to the damage she had done to his self-image. Some things didn’t heal faster for vampires or slayers, hearts being one of them.

So Buffy did what she always did when confronting her feelings, she opted for action.

"I’m going to stay here with Giles to make sure we close ‘em down", Buffy decided. "Get Spike home and fed. I’ll be there as soon as possible. I think he’ll be out for quite a while. Tara, if you can come up with anything for the pain he must be in, please, just do it. Tell him … tell him …just make him comfortable and take care of him until I get home, okay?" Buffy jumped out of the back of the van and closed the back door.

The van sped off in the direction of Sunnydale as Giles and Buffy sprinted towards the helipad where the Council helicopter would soon land.

She and Giles easily subdued the two maintenance personnel in the garage area. The workers had not expected anyone to be in the area and were engaged in a card game. They hadn’t had a chance to call for help or set off any alarms.

Buffy opted to let Giles tell the Council team the story they had decided upon before leaving Sunnydale. The demon Doc was dead and would not contradict anything they chose to tell anyway.

The helicopters with the Council’s strike force began to descend. There were enough black-clad troopers to take on the facility and secure it until backup arrived, provided the element of surprise continued to work in their favor.

Emphasis was placed on the organization’s plan to study and eliminate the two existing slayers. Such tampering by an outside source was antithetical to the Council’s goals and mission. Indeed, the idea of any outside agency even being aware of the existence of a slayer went contrary to Council’s policies and history.

The stone faces of the Council team betrayed none of what they might be thinking about the group who had planned to capture the active Slayer with the intention of experimentation and elimination. All that mattered was that Mr. Travers and the Council had determined this to be a priority mission. They had their orders and were not waiting for the substantial backup that was on the way.

"Mr. Travers said that you would direct the operation until he arrives", the operative in charge told Giles. "He wants the whole thing closed off and those with Council ties to be held under lock and key. We are to segregate those not connected to the Council until he arrives and makes the necessary arrangements to have them permanently contained as well. By the time they get here, the Council should have all the intel done and know who is backing this operation."

"Just so", Giles agreed. "It would appear that only these two individuals are above ground and we were able to prevent them from making any report below. We should
be able to effect a surprise raid on the facility itself. I’m thinking we should approach in such a way that they won’t be able to tell just how small a force they are dealing with. Of course, it is to be hoped that we’ll have sufficient backup in short order".

They laid out their plans and divided the troops into two groups, one to be led by Buffy and the other by Giles. They planed to enter the facility from two directions and meet in the lab area, roughly in the middle.

The raid went perfectly. The element of surprise carried the day for the group and, as promised, a large contingent of Council warriors arrived just as the defenders began to realize the numbers they faced were smaller than they had first thought.

The U.S. Government had sent representatives from some unnamed agency to deal with the former military personnel that had attached themselves to the unauthorized operation. A representative apologized profusely to Buffy, explaining that the government had indeed shut down the Initiative. Any involvement by anyone still in the employ of the government was going to result in serious disciplinary action, including imprisonment.

Travers had arranged with unnamed sources to take any personnel not covered by U.S. government or Council authority into custody. "No ask, no tell" was the order of the day. Mostly, everyone just wanted it all to go away.

Buffy was grateful to the Council, but still not willing to let Travers have all the say in the plans. "Look, I’m the Slayer. I know which demons are dangerous and which ones are simply ugly. It’s my job to slay them if they need slaying. I say that I get to go cell to cell and decide. There are a couple that are harmless in there. I’m not going to be just like these people here and kill them just because they exist. If we’re supposed to be the good guys, we need to act like it."

As Buffy was checking the prisoners and pulling out the handful of harmless demons, she saw Riley being led to the section where the former military personnel were being held. He was awaiting his turn for questioning about his military status.

She stopped the soldier detaining Finn and asked to speak to him for a moment. "Riley, I don’t even know where to start. Let’s just say that I know the whole story, the way you set Spike up. I can see from his condition--and yes, he is still alive--what you’ve done since then. I never thought you would be the monster, Riley. I just don’t understand. If it wasn’t about us, why did it still bother you that we broke up? You had Sam, why not let me get on with my life too?"

"Sam isn’t my wife", Riley admitted. "She’s an old friend and Maggie Walsh’s daughter. Buffy I need for you to know that I would never have let them kill you. I was planning to stop them from that part of the operation. I’m sorry you got hurt, Buffy. I am glad that I helped bring you to your senses where Spike is concerned, though. I can’t regret that what we did made you wake up and dump him. He’s not good enough for you. He’s a thing, Buffy, and you deserve a man. Maybe I’m not that man, but he’s out there and now you can find him. I’m just sorry I didn’t finish Spike off before you got here".

Buffy hit him then. As Riley fell into a metal table, his leg incision opened up where he’d had surgery the day before. Sparks arced from the wires in his leg and everyone seemed to be looking at him at once. Riley looked shocked himself to discover his leg was anything but the normal tissues and bone of a human. "My God, what the hell did you do to me?", he yelled at the medical staff in the makeshift stockade.

Giles turned from his discussion with Travers to ask one of the medical staff, "What kind of prosthesis have you put on Riley Finn? That looks far beyond the normal technology used today."

Riley was struggling to break free of his captors. He seemed determined to get to the medical team who were nervously watching him. "Buffy, help me! What am I? What did these bastards do to me?, he demanded.

Travers became quite interested at this point and whispered an order to the head of the government contingent. Riley was led off to the group under custody of the Council. "Not to worry, Rupert, we’ll have a little look at him back in London", Travers promised. "I believe we have the files from the medical experiments and our own group can determine just what modifications may have had made to this young man. Perhaps some good can come of this fiasco in the end."

Buffy began to feel some pangs of sympathy for the clearly frightened soldier. Then Spike’s face and his condition when they’d found him came clear in her mind and all sympathy dried up. She didn’t want to have a scene with her ex-boyfriend, especially in front of the Council. The last thing she wanted was Spike to be mentioned in their presence.

Buffy pulled Giles to one side, her face showing panic for the first time since they had found Spike. "Giles, they’ve got the files! They’ll know Spike was here. What do we do?"

"Don’t worry, Buffy. I took that particular file. It is in the van, well on its way to Sunnydale as we speak", he reassured her.

The debriefing took much longer than Buffy was comfortable taking. She was itching to get home and make sure Spike was going to be okay. Giles was starting to unnerve her with the looks he sent her way when he didn’t realize she was looking. Something was up with him and Buffy didn’t want to ask until they were alone.

She managed to get away to a small office and call home to check on Spike. "So he’s still out? I would have thought he’d start to come around by now. At least you’ve gotten some blood into him. That vampire healing should start to kick in soon. Angel, you’ve got the best chance of knowing what to do for him. Please stay until he’s on the mend, okay? Right now we could use Xander coming back to pick us up. So far they’ve been so busy asking questions about this operation that they haven’t wondered how Giles and I got here. I figure Xander can pretend that he’s been waiting for us in the woods or something".

~~

The ride back to Sunnydale was tense. Buffy waited for Giles to spill whatever was so obviously on his mind while Giles appeared to be wishing himself on the other side of the world.


"Okay, I’m thinkin’ you two have some issues you’re dancing around and I’m gonna be the lucky guy in the middle here", said Xander. "You want me to pull over and take a little walk while you two go at it? I mean, not really in the mood to play quick-witted umpire here, it’s been a busy day and I’d like to just go home, kick back and enjoy what’s left of the weekend", he continued.

"Anything Giles has to say to me he can say in front of you, Xander. So, Giles, is this going to be a lecture on how Spike is a vampire and only good in the role of bad boyfriend? Cause, I’m thinking Riley gets the gold star for that job", Buffy said.

"I had a look at the files, Buffy. There are some factors that we hadn’t counted on, I fear. Your plans might change once you know what their doctors did during the medical procedures", Giles began.

"Good Godfrey Cambridge! Don’t tell us they really did neuter Spike this time!", exclaimed Xander in horror.

Buffy paled at the thought of what sorts of experiments might have taken place on the vampire she she loved. "Giles, what are you talking about? Be real specific, too, ‘cause I want this all talked out before we get home. I don’t want Spike waking up to hear some argument between us about him".

"It’s the chip, Buffy. They removed the chip. Spike is now the same feral vampire he was when he first came to town. There is nothing to prevent his carrying out the many threats he has made over the years. Once he is strong enough, he’ll be up, feeding and killing just like any other vampire. It would be merciful to simply stake him as soon as we arrive. He will likely still be unconscious and won’t feel a thing. Best get it over as soon as possible", Giles advised.

Buffy looked at Giles as if he had grown an extra head. Xander pulled the car to the side of the road and stared at the Watcher in horror.

"So you think we should just stake him?!", Buffy demanded. "You say he has to die because of what he IS, not for what he’s done. He hasn’t done anything wrong in a long, long time, Giles. He HAS done a lot of good. Maybe he won’t go back to the way he was. Did you ever think of that? He hasn’t even threatened any of us in ages. He’s changed, Giles, really changed", Buffy said.

"Buffy, I hate to bring up old stuff, but remember Miss Calendar and Willow’s fish? Remember the factory? I know you hated having to send Angel to hell, but you ...", Xander started.

"Xander, stay out of this. Angel and Spike are two different people. I mean, can you imagine what Angelus would have done if they had put a chip in him? I don’t think he would have ever joined up with us or let Glory torture him or take care of Dawn when I
died or any of the things Spike has chosen to do. He’d have been having his meals delivered and working on ways to torture all of us. Spike isn’t Angelus. I don’t get nervous whenever you go to the zoo, do I, Hyena Boy? And I don’t keep Giles away from all things chocolate", Buffy pointed out. "You have to judge Spike by how he is now, not what he’s been or what Angel was."

"Look, Giles, Spike won’t hurt me. I don’t think he’d hurt any of us. I also don’t think he’d risk losing me just for a quick meal. He really does love me. I told you about all that went down after I came back from the dead. I clearly told you that the chip didn’t work on me", she reminded him.

"Whoa, horsies!" Xander cried in horror. "What’s this about Spikey’s chip not being plugged in all this time? You mean he could’ve ripped out all our throats while we were patrolling or watching TV?"

"No, Xander, it only stopped working on me. I’m the only one he could have killed any time he wanted to. And he COULD have, Giles! He could have killed me or turned me anytime. I wasn’t in any mood to fight him. I think I might have welcomed it. He never tried. He never even threatened to do any of that. All he did was take whatever I dished out. He didn’t even fight back when I beat him unconscious in the alley the week before my birthday. He didn’t do it because he loves me. And he won’t do it to anyone else now for the same reason. He’s changed", Buffy said.

"Buffy, he is a vampire. They kill. It is his nature. He has been unnaturally restrained all this time, that is all. He may well love you, or think he does, but he does not love the rest of humanity except as a buffet", Giles said quietly. "He has no soul, no moral guide. He sees people as lunch, not companions. He has constantly complained about the taste of pigs’ blood. Now he can have what he craves. What makes you think he won’t be out hunting as soon as he realizes he can do so?", Giles asked.

"Because he’s Spike", Buffy said in answer.

~*~
Chapter 17a
~*~

A week had passed since the Great Vamp Rescue Operation was successful in returning Spike to the fold. He was still drifting in and out of consciousness, but was on the mend, at least according to Angel. Getting blood into the nearly exsanguinated vamp had not been the easiest task, but Buffy and Angel devoted hours to the effort. Still Spike did not seem to realize where he was or that his ordeal was finally at an end.

Looking at Spike, Buffy was reminded of how close she had come to losing her chance to start over in this relationship that had taken so many twists and bends in the years since Spike had first careened into Sunnydale. She was growing impatient to
have him back to normal so she could begin the task of fence mending. Seemed there were acres of fences she alone had personally torn and damaged.

Adding to her distress was the fragile détente that existed between herself and Giles. It seemed so odd being silent around her Watcher. Buffy was reminded of the time when Giles had determined the only safe course of action to stop a hellgod was to kill her little sister. It was unspoken, but Giles knew that her reaction to the idea of staking Spike was the same as it had been about Dawn. Anyone going after Spike would have to go through, and then answer to, her. Tension was palpable.

There had been discussions, of course. Low voices, hot with emotion and straining with the desire to shout at times. Buffy had been adamant, however, that Spike’s recovery was not to be disturbed with talks about a staking that was not going to happen.

The Scoobies were walking on egg shells around the Slayer and her Watcher. None had dared express an opinion on the subject, even though they had all been doing some deep thinking on the idea of a chipless Spike in their midst.

Angel had taken to calling home when Buffy and Giles went at it. He had some very strong opinions, especially being a vampire, but decided to wait until Spike was at least coherent before expressing them. Angel had started to build a real relationship with Connor. They had talked more since Angel was in Sunnydale than in all the time they were physically together. Some personal good was happening during this time at least. This last call had even ended with Connor telling him he was looking forward to Angel returning to LA soon!

Angel had to bite his tongue often when Giles insisted that Spike was a danger. Granted, Spike had been a formidable vampire in his day, a real Master of the
Aurelian line. But even Angel had to admit that the Spike Buffy described had traveled far distant from that demonic path.

Angel knew that Spike had always given his all when in love. If he DID love Buffy, there was nothing Spike would not do to keep her regard. That trait of Spike’s, his ability to love, had once driven Angelus to the depths of depravity in his rage. He had spent years trying to beat the humanity out of his demonic offspring. Even when control had been returned to Angelus, the humanity and ability to love in the younger vampire had been strong enough to appall the Judge. Dru had been as bad, but at least she had the excuse of insanity.

William/Spike was a creature of passions, the dominant one being love. Other things might have changed with Spike, but not that. Giles came from the "old school" Council training that said demons had no real emotions. There were no gray areas, merely black and white. Angel had lived long enough to see that very little in the world was that clear-cut.

"Yo, man, think I’m gonna see about another blood run for Dead Boy, Junior", said Xander. "I’m really not in the mood to listen to the never-ending rerun of ‘The Buffy and Giles Show’. I’m starting to get jealous of Spike sleeping through it."

Angel nodded in understanding. As Xander headed out of the house into the peaceful night, Angel decided it was time to finally lay the whole topic to rest. It was clear that much as it confused him, Buffy really had fallen in love with Spike. Angel felt he owed it to her to help--hell, he probably owed it to Spike as well. Spike wasn’t exactly what he had in mind for Buffy when he left her years ago, but she could do much worse, if what counted was being loved and treasured. Besides, Buffy was the Slayer and hardly "normal" herself. Maybe bonding with Spike could lengthen Buffy’s life, too. Spike was a fearless fighter and would die rather than
let someone he loved be killed.

"What’s that old saying about going where angels fear to tread?", he mumbled to himself.

"We are NOT having this discussion again, Giles. There will be no staking of Spike. I don’t care if the chip IS out, he hasn’t done anything to deserve a staking and if he ever does, I’ll be the one to do it. I sent Angel to hell when I had to and I know my duty. You don’t have to keep reminding me. I was finished with my duty and got brought back to continue it. Believe me, I know what I am chosen for. I also know it’s not as simple as ‘vampire bad, human good’", Buffy was saying.

"But, my dear girl, Spike is not like Angel. He has no soul. He is a demon with a man’s memories and intellect. He was restrained, but now he is not. You cannot allow a killer, especially one with his … skills … to be set loose on society. Buffy, you are honor bound to execute justice in matters that human methods are not prepared to. I don’t want to see you have to do this. I can see that you have come to care for Spike. I am willing to take this task away from you and not think ill of you for not doing your duty here. Now is the best, most humane time to do it. He’s not aware of anything and won’t feel a thing", Giles was saying for the millionth time.

Their voices continued to be low, but the intensity felt like shouts.

"Soul, schmoul, Giles! I’ve been around long enough to see that souls mean nothing! Hitler had a soul. Jeffry Dahmer had a soul. Faith has a soul. Even your buddy Ethan Rayne has a soul. Murderers and rapists are all over the place soulfully killing and raping. I may have dropped out of college, but I was awake enough in school to know that history is full of soulful murderers. Vampires aren’t the only baby killers out there and you know it. Spike can’t do anything about his past, but he’s changed. Unless he goes back to killing there is NO reason to take away his chance", Buffy said.

"Um, I haven’t said much but I think I should", interrupted Angel. "God, I hate to admit it, but Spike was always different, even before the chip. Yeah, he was a killer. I should know, since I taught him how. But there was one thing I didn’t teach him, and unfortunately he didn’t teach Angelus either, and that’s how to love. He was always able to keep that part of his humanity alive, even when I tried to torture it out of him. If he loves someone, he does whatever they need him to do. He loves Buffy and she needs him to play for the good guys. He’ll play, I know him. He won’t do anything to lose her."

"Look, William and Angelus are as different as two creatures can be. If someone had put a chip in me when Angelus was in charge, I know what I would have done. Other vamps were chipped and didn’t change sides."

"Buffy says that the chip didn’t work on her after Will brought her back", Angel added. "If it had been Angelus, not Spike, I would have drained and turned Buffy as soon as I knew I could. Just think how powerful a team a turned slayer and a master vampire would be! Spike wouldn’t need to do the kills, Buffy could do it for the both of them. If it was just the chip, Spike should have been no different towards Buffy than he was when he showed up here years ago with Dru. The fact that he didn’t revert to the Slayer of Slayers or turn Buffy and bond her to him forever shows the changes are real. If the changes are real, there’s no reason to expect Spike to go back to killing again".

Giles sighed deeply in frustration. "It is no secret that I find Spike incredibly annoying, I won’t lie. But if there were any other option, that alone would not cause me to want him removed. This is nothing personal, Buffy. The fact remains that Spike has nothing to give him a moral guide, a conscience. Even if he was able to restrain himself, what if you two broke up? What if something happened to you? No, it is far too dangerous having a powerful vampire such as Spike walking around without a chip or a soul", Giles said. He looked sad to have to continue the discussion at all.

"Hey, guys, did I miss another round?" asked Xander. "Got some nummy O-neg for our pale patient, fresh from the Red Cross outdated pile. Anybody want the pleasure of a forced feeding cause I’m thinking I’ve done my part already. Good thing it’s daylight cause the volunteer might not have believed me when I said I needed it for a school science project. She was lookin’ a little too closely at my teeth, if you get my meaning. I think the good citizens of Sunnydale are starting to catch on", Xander joked.

"I’ll take it up, Xan, thanks. Maybe I’ll get lucky and this will finally bring Spike back to himself, and to me", Buffy said. She took the bag with the blood
and went to warm it before feeding Spike.

That was another bone of contention between Buffy and Giles. Buffy and Angel had insisted on finding human blood to give to Spike while he recovered. According to Angel, the pigs’ blood Spike had relied on for the last few years wasn’t sufficient to help him heal quickly. Giles insisted putting him back on a human blood diet was the same thing as inviting him to feast on it "straight from the tap" as soon as Spike rose from his sickbed. Angel insisted Spike could be weaned back to animal blood with no problem as soon as his broken body had started to mend sufficiently. It had taken Buffy’s vow to use her own "super Slayer blood" if Giles didn’t back down to end that particular argument.

Nobody seemed likely to budge and Xander would rather face the hellmouth opening than a permanent breach in the relationship between Buffy and Giles. Xander looked from face to face and knew the time for talk had passed. It was time someone took the bull by the horns and he was just the cowboy to do it. "Yee haw, saddle up buckaroo", he said to himself.
~~~

~*~
Chapter 17b (continuation of previous part)
~*~

~~~


"Hey, look who’s awake! Breakfast in bed for the English patient", Buffy said. She put on her cheeriest face as she entered the room with the warmed blood. "Sorry, no Weetabix for you just yet. Don’t want to chance you choking on dinner. Just straight-up Bloody Mary, or whatever the donor’s name was".

Spike was still not clear on all the changes around him. If this was real, many things had changed, most of all Buffy. The last time he had seen her she was walking away from him and the angst-ridden affair they
had crashed into in that abandoned house. In one speech she had apologized to William and rejected Spike completely, leaving both man and demon to grieve what might have been if she had allowed it.

Spike wasn’t even sure how much time had passed. It had seemed like he had been in the underground hell of human making forever. He remembered clearly the doctors and Finn. Those memories were seeped in pain and humiliation, but clear nonetheless. He knew that he had some sort of mental lapse of a poetic nature. "Had to be that ponce William’s fault", he said to himself. Still, it seemed too much to believe that this Buffy, smiling and caring, was real. ‘Don’t think there’s enough time in eternity to bring off that much change in the bint’, he thought.

Buffy realized that Spike was still not quite with the program yet. She knew that a good part of the problem was her complete turnaround in his absence. Spike hadn’t been told yet how his disappearance had finally gotten through to her just how much she had come to rely on him, care for him. The old saying of not knowing what you have until it is gone has much truth in it, she admitted.

"How you feeling? You look better, not so much with the black and blue and unconscious look. I like", she said. "I can even see your eyes again. You looked like an alien for a while with them all swollen and
tilted funny. You didn’t bleed on the sheets either and that’s a plus", she said.

"Sorry. Don’t mean to make a mess", he replied. "Be up and out of your hair soon as I can, pet. Appreciate the vamp hospital treatment. Not your fault Soldier Boy decided to get creative on me". Spike thought that if this was real, maybe Buffy was feeling guilty because it had been her ex-boyfriend who had done the damage to him. "You don’t owe me anything, Buffy. ‘Preciate the rescue and the concern, but you don’t need to do this", he continued.

"Yes, I do, Spike. I know I don’t OWE it to you, but I do need to do this. Look, I was going to wait until you were one hundred percent, but I think I’d better just jump in while I have the nerve", Buffy said.

"When you disappeared, I thought you’d left town", Buffy began. "It felt terrible. You were the only one in my life that never left me. You promised you wouldn’t. Then I thought you had. Figured, ’good job, Buffy, drove another one away’, you know. Then when I found out you didn’t just leave, I started to really worry. I actually started to think, and didn’t even burn out my brain", she said with a shy smile.

"When someone goes missing like that you start to see things--really
see things--about them and yourself", Buffy explained. "Things are
different now, Spike. It took you not being here for me to finally see you. Not the Spike I kept telling myself you were, not the things in your past … you. The guy that has been here for me for years now, put up with my shit and just kept coming back for more if that’s what I thought I needed. The guy who knows me, all of me, and loves me anyway. I only hope my good luck hasn’t run out, that you still care in spite of all my baggage".

"Never stop carin’, Buffy, love you till I’m dust. You’ve had some bad times, love, I get that. Don’t hold anything against you. You still don’t owe me anythin’ because of your comin’ back all mixed up. I’m no child, Buffy. I shoulda known you weren’t in a good place for a relationship, not that we had one. My fault, pet. Sorry", Spike whispered.

"Don’t! Please, don’t be sorry. That’s what I’m trying to say, Spike. I’m not in that place now. It’s mostly because of you that I’m not. I don’t have that death wish anymore. I feel. You did that, made me come alive again. You were right about life being about really living. I finally got that. I’m in a good place now, no more Bitca Buffy. No more coward either, running from what I feel, scared to want because I
might lose it all. I came close to losing it all when they took you, but I didn’t. I got you back. I got another chance and this time I’m not gonna blow it. I guess I’ve grown up, huh?"

"Buffy, you need to know something. Dr. Mengele over there did something while doing the poke and prod. That chip I kept saying I couldn’t wait to get rid of? Well, it’s gone. Only fair tellin’ ya. Figure you need to know. Doesn’t make me feel any different. Not wantin’ to chase down coeds or anythin’. Course, not really up to a run yet either. Guess you’ll be wantin’ to put me down now. Hopin’ you’ll do it right quick-like, sorta for old times’ sake. Don’t go blamin’ yourself for that either, Buffy. You said it yourself, you’re the Slayer and I’m a vamp. ‘Tis natural, that’s all. Guess you always knew it would come to this, huh? We are what we are. Makes sense you not wantin’ to feel anything real with me. Always knowin’ you’d have to dust me’d make it hard to commit. Kinda like me getting to care about people, makes it hard to look at them as lunch". He had a rather sad smirk on his face as he said the last part. "Irony’s a bitch. Sometimes you get what you think you want at the worst possible time."

"I know about the chip, Spike. It was in the file they kept. We took it with us when we got you out. I know all that the doctors did to you", she said. She felt the tears pool in her eyes as she thought of the
coldness of the human medical staff as they took the scalpel to Spike. It wasn’t hard to say who the monster was in that scene.

She reached out to touch him then, her hand gently cupping his face. "I called you evil and disgusting but you weren’t either of those things to me. The people that did this to you, that’s evil and disgusting", she said softly.

Spike had closed his eyes at her touch. If he WERE mad, he prayed never to regain his sanity. Not long ago, he would have given all he had to have Buffy touch him with the sweet gentleness that was her hand on him now. He wished he could freeze time and live this moment forever, or that the dusting would come now before he stopped feeling her soft touch. So lost in awe at the thought of Buffy touching him this way, Spike nearly missed what she was saying.

"I don’t care, Spike. About the chip. I don’t care. I mean I wouldn’t let you go off hunting again, but I don’t think you would if I asked you not to. I believe in you. I believe you do love me and wouldn’t hurt me, just like you said. You know it would hurt me to have you killing again and me having to stake you. So, you wouldn’t do it. Just tell me I’m right, Spike. I’ve watched you change, watched you fight your nature. Tell me it doesn’t matter that they took out the little pieces of plastic and wire, that you love me enough to be the Spike I really know now", she
begged him.

"Buffy, I swear I will never do anything to hurt you. The rest of humanity is safe too since you’d take it personal if I changed diets again. I’d not want to live if I saw that old hate in your eyes again. Even if you’ll never love me, at least you haven’t hated me in a while. Couldn’t stand that happenin’ again, pet. You’ve only got my word, but it’s yours, like
the rest of me. Not gonna switch off from the butchers’ blend. I love you enough to give you anything you ask for, the moon even. Not sure how I’d do it, but somehow I’d find a way to become the first vamp in space to do it", he said with a smile. "Hey, all you’re askin’ is for me to keep to a certain diet.

I can still kill things, just not human things. They’re not much of a challenge anyway. If I’d known how much fun it is takin’ on a pack of demons, I’d have given up humans a long time ago. Little enough to ask from someone who loves you as much as I love you, pet."

Buffy smiled at him, her hazel eyes wide and glistening in a way that Spike had never seen. "So, who’s this Beatrice you were expecting when I got there to rescue you?", she asked playfully.

Spike gave a short laugh and shot her a slightly embarrassed look. "Ever read Dante, love? Brilliant stuff, ‘The Divine Comedy’, a classic. ‘Twas a vision done poetically. Pissed off lots of powerful people in its time too. Dante had balls!"

"Anyway", Spike went on, "in that poem the philosopher Virgil took Dante on a little tour of hell, all of it. Lots of levels and different
punishments dependin’ on what the poor bugger’d done to get sent there. Named lots of important people along the way, popes, rulers. Real creative punishments, too—not justfire and ice, some real scary shit. Named just about every kind of sinnin’ a person could do, no escape from one circle or other. Anyway, Dante was kinda taken on a tour all the way to the frozen center with Lucifer’s three mouths. Beatrice was the poet’s perfect woman…named a daughter for her in his real life. Most say she was
modeled after the woman Dante loved most in life. She winds up takin’ over as tour guide from ol’ Virgil and leads Dante out of hell and takes the poor sod through nine heavens to the real paradise with God and everythin’. It all ends up with him meetin’ up with the Virgin and getting a taste of touchin ‘the Love that moves the sun and the other
stars’. Right nice endin for the poor bugger, if you ask me. Guess I was kinda out of it for a bit, pet. Bunch of old stuff runnin’ through my head. Musta been the whole hell thing, I guess", he explained. If Spike
could have blushed, he would have been scarlet.

"I’m impressed!", Buffy declared. "I’m thinkin you can’t get out of
research duty anymore since it looks like you’ve been holding back on us all this time. Closet scholar, bet you know a few languages we struggle over without Giles here, too", she chided. "Glad she’s Dante’s
girlfriend, cause I was all ready for a smackdown otherwise. Not gonna share my boyfriend with some ‘ho with a stuffy name."

"Boyfriend?" he whispered so softly she nearly didn’t hear him. The look of wonder on his face made Buffy smile tenderly as she hastened to reassure him. "Yeah, like I said, I had time to realize a lot of things".

"Think you better pinch me, love, cause I’m pretty sure I’m dreamin’", he said.

"I’d rather do other things to you, if you’re up to it. I promise to be careful, but you aren’t bleeding now and I think I can make you feel a lot better without doing any damage", she promised with a chuckle.

"Blood can always be replaced, Buffy, do your worst", he dared.

"How about my best? You’ve never had that before", she said with a gentle kiss.

Buffy drew away and went to the bedroom door to lock it. She had no intention of allowing any interruptions at this point. She had something to prove to the insecure vampire she loved. She had made him that way and she was determined to take away every insecurity she had given him before the day was over.

Spike watched in awe as Buffy reached up and began to unbutton her shirt. Her eyes never left his as she started to undress. She let the blouse fall to the floor as she reached for the zipper on her denim skirt.
As she continued to walk back toward the bed, Buffy inched the skirt down her hips, allowing it to pool to the floor as well. She stepped out of the dropped clothes and came to a brief stop. She bent to remove her boots, tossing them into the open closet. Then she rose, clad only in matching bits of lacy underthings that showed more than they concealed.

"Buffy, are you sure? You’re not gonna start something and then change your mind are you? ‘Cause, love, I don’t think I’ll keep sane if you do that again".

"I’m more sure than I’ve ever been of anything", Buffy replied. Her eyes had not strayed from him except when she removed the boots. She unclasped the bra and dropped it to the floor as she began to approach the bed, and Spike, again. Finally, she was there next to the bed where he lay. She wore only a scrap of purple lace and a look of love. Spike was speechless at the sight and soon all she was wearing was the look.

Suddenly all the pains and hurts faded as Buffy in all her beautiful magnificence and beauty overwhelmed Spike’s senses. The most beautiful parts of her, though, were the shining, love-filled eyes that were clearly looking at him. She had never looked at him that way before, not even in his best dreams. She was all there and all his. In her gaze he felt the movement of the sun and the other stars and knew it was real.

She lay next to him, careful not to cause any pain to mar the moment. Her hands moved softly over his body, discovering all that had been hers for so long, yet still not fullyexplored. Tongue and lips followed her hands on their journey. Spike tried to respond, to give to her as she was giving to him, but she halted him. This moment was all for him. Her pleasure was to come from giving to him, as he had so often done for her.

Her kisses found their way to his willing mouth. Tender it was, yet with a fire blazing at the core. Her lips moved gently while her tongue invaded with a passion that hinted of things to come. Tongues, so long separated, danced together in pleasure.

When they had begun their painful affair so many months before, the tenderness and kisses that had started it all had burned away, leaving just the fires of sexual heat devoid of the sweetness of love. This was different, this was the touching of souls, in spite of one of them being in a soulless state of existence.

Spike moaned in pleasure as Buffy caressed his body, taking care to avoid turning the sensations to pain or discomfort. Finally, it wasn’t "all about Buffy" and yet it was more about her than it had ever been. It was about Buffy giving herself and holding nothing back. Real grown-up, no-holds-barred lovemaking. All walls were coming down this time, not the walls of the building sheltering the lovers, but the real walls around the Slayer’s heart.

Buffy withdrew from the kiss, causing Spike to sigh with the loss of her mouth and tongue. Soon the sigh changed to one of rapture as that same mouth moved delicately and deliberately over his skin. She made a path from his jawline, down his neck to the hallows of his collarbone and onto his chest. Each kiss burned, but in the very best of ways. This was torture that Spike wanted never to end.

Her teeth latched on to his right nipple with just enough force to cause him to gasp. She suckled there until she heard his unnecessary breathing become ragged and strained. Her hands had not been idle while her mouth worked its magic. She had been running skillful fingers over his exposed skin and massaging muscles with the pads of her palms.

Her kisses were languid, as if they had all the time in the world to make love to one another; as if nothing and no one were more important than the two of them. Her mouth slid down his abdomen, just as in his dream
while captive. His stomach muscles tightened in anticipation of the next location to receive her lavish attentions.

She nipped lightly at his left hip bone before moving to the right and down his inner thigh. Her nose nudged his balls, causing them to tighten. She then ran her tongue slowly up the outer side of his rigid cock.

She had done this before during their months of sex and secrets, never taking her time. It was always done as quickly as possible to move on to pleasuring Buffy. This time was different. She was spending time using her tongue and mouth to taste and explore. She discovered the veining that she had not paid attention to before and laved her tongue along the line of it. She marveled at the texture she had ignored in the past, how the velvet of his head felt oddly right on the tip of her tongue. She ran that same tongue over the top and pushed it into the opening where
precum glistened. Had he always tasted this good, she wondered. She must have been out of her mind all that time before.

When she finally closed over his cock and drew it in as far as possible down her throat, Spike feared he would lose control immediately. Buffy put just the right amount of pressure to make him have to close his eyes and try to think of anything else that might stop any premature ending of this unbelievable experience. She was using her mouth and tongue at the same time to bring maximum pleasure to Spike. When Buffy started using her right hand to massage his balls, he nearly exploded. He desperately pulled out of her sweet embrace, panting out a frantic plea for her to stop for a moment.

"God, I’m not hurting you am I?" she asked with a worried look.

"Oh, sweetheart, no, just the opposite. You are driving me so close to the edge that if you don’t stop now, I won’t be good for anything for a while. God, Buffy, I want to be inside you again, want to love you proper", he said.

"You’ve always loved me proper. I just didn’t see it when I should have. Now it’s my turn to love you proper. Not just with my body, but all the way. Spike, I do. I love you. I know you and I love you. I trust you and your love enough to take a chance and pull down the walls".

Spike was glad he couldn’t come just with words or he would have right then. He was pretty sure he had just heard Buffy say that she loved him. "Buffy, love, do you realize what you just said? I don’t want to spook you or anything but I thought I heard you say….".

"You heard right", Buffy interrupted his question. She put her hands on each side of Spike’s face and looked deeply into his cerulean eyes. She wanted him to know that she was fully aware that it was him she was finally saying the words to. "I love you, Spike… William…whatever you want to call yourself…all that you are, I love you."

As if to punctuate her words, Buffy lowered herself onto his still hard cock. She took him in slowly using her inner muscles to caress each inch as more and more of him became encased in her wet heat. When he was fully sheathed, she rolled her hips gracefully, leaning back slightly in pleasure. Between the feeling of being inside her again and seeing her moving over him, her face lit from within in a way he had never EVER thought to see, Spike was certain he had dusted and somehow found himself in heaven by mistake.


Buffy began the dance, moving up and down with a rhythm as ancient as mankind. Her hands moved to his chest, kneading him and making lazy circles around his nipples, occasionally tweaking the hard nubs her movements had generated. She began to increase the speed of her movements until Spike thought he would lose it.

She stilled her motions as the beginning wave of the orgasm hit her. She rode it out, gasping Spike’s name, her vaginal walls spasming around his cock and drawing him ever closer to his own orgasm.

Spike moved quickly to change their position, taking over control of the speed and tempo of their lovemaking. He needed to find his sweet release soon, but wanted to take Buffy there with him. He moved so that her legs were draped over his shoulders and drove deeply into her still throbbing quim. Spike forgot all his pain as he pulled his cock almost completely out before slamming back deeper than each previous thrust, over and over again. "Oh, God, Spike, I’m coming", Buffy nearly screamed. It no longer mattered who was still in the house to hear her, so lost in their lovemaking were they. They both reached the edge of oblivion at the same time and fell over into bliss, clinging to one another in the fall, safe in each other’s arms.

Buffy laughed lightly as she disentangled her limbs from her lover. "I never knew it could be that good. God, I didn’t break you, did I?", she asked in concern.

Spike was laughing too, his heart near to bursting with unexpected joy. "No, pet, I think you may have just fixed me. Will you say it again? ‘Tis better than all the blood in the world for healin’ this vamp".

"I’ll say it as often as you want, as I want, too. I love you, Spike. No secrets, no walls, no more. I’ve already told everyone. They knew before you did. I was kinda frantic while you were missing. I told you I figured a bunch of stuff out when you were taken. I’ve never been Verbal!Buffy, but I figure you’re a good teacher and I’ll learn. You taught me how to live again, not too surprising that you’ll teach me how to love you the way you should be loved."

"No one ever has before, Buffy. Not sure I can teach you how. Mum loved me, of course, in a mum-like way. Dru was too damaged to really love, and too tied to her daddy for me to ever come first for her. Harm was … well, you know Harm. I’ve never really been loved before, can hardly believe I am now. Gonna do everything I can to make sure you never stop, either. Fella could get used to it", he said with a smile.

"Well you’d better get used to it because I’m not too good at this emotional stuff and don’t want to have to go through it with someone else! Guess you’re stuck with me", she joked.

"I think I can live with that. Um…. I think that blood you’ve been feeding me has picked a place to concentrate. You too tired for another go, love?" Spike asked. Her hand had already found its way around his
shaft before he finished the question.

The Scoobies, Angel and Giles had chosen to go out for pizza around the time they heard the first moans and bumps coming from Buffy’s room. Even those in favor of the match weren’t too keen on the mental images those noises were likely to conjure. It was their good fortune the pizza parlor was across town because the noises continued for several hours longer.


A well-sated Buffy curled her body around her lover and slept more restfully then she could remember doing in years. As for that lover, well, Spike was truly on the mend in mind, spirit and body. He was safe, warm, satisfied and, most unbelievably, loved by his Slayer, his girl.

~~~


Xander was glad that they had gone out in two cars. He volunteered to take Tara and Willow home. He had given his apartment key to Giles and offered room and board to both the Watcher and Angel. The Wiccans could at least do some sort of spell to get a little sleep if they needed to use magics for a good night’s rest.

None of the men had any desire to stay under Buffy’s roof while the "welcome home" sexathon was a going on. Angel might have decided his offspring was an acceptable mate for Buffy, but that didn’t mean he wanted to have a front row seat. Staying with Giles might just keep the Watcher from acting on his instinct for staking his Slayer’s lover, too.


Xander used the drive back to Buffy’s to bring up the plan he had worked out earlier in the evening. It had become obvious to him that their situation would only get worse over time. There would be no moving of Buffy from Spike now that she had finally made up her mind to follow her heart and it wasn’t in Giles’ nature to back down from his stand either. Stalemate was not a workable solution under the circumstances.

"Willow, I’ve been thinking. Giles is upset ‘cause Bleach Boy is soul free and off the leash. The first big magic you ever did put the soul back into Angelus. What if you tweaked that spell a bit and shoved Spike’s soul back in? Giles couldn’t complain too much if Spike were all souled up. You could make it permanent, too, not like Angel and the amazing detachable soul. I mean Spike would still be majorly annoying, but not lethal to any of the human persuasion. You could cook up the spell, Tara could soul Spikey up and bada bing, bada bum, everybody’s
happy", he suggested.

"Spike being all soul-having would fix the problem with Giles, but I wouldn’t want to force a soul on him. He’d have to agree to it before I’d have Tara do the spell. I think I could work the words to make it stick. Wouldn’t want a "no happy" clause because we wouldn’t be trying to punish Spike or Buffy and I’m thinkin’ that’s what it would be for both of them. Yeah, I think we could do it if he was willing", Willow replied.

"Okay, you ladies start working on that spell and getting all the stuff you need and the Xan Man will tackle the vampire persuasion part of this plan", he offered. "We just have to be faster than Giles’ staking arm."

~*~
Chapter 18
~*~

Buffy awoke feeling the cool skin of her love under her cheek. She had never slept in Spike’s arms before and decided she could easily get used to it. In fact she
made up her mind that this was the way she was going to wake up for the rest of her life.

Spike looked much better. Most of the bruises were fading at last and he didn’t look emaciated or fragile. Funny to think of him as fragile. Spike had always had an aura of power and danger, seeming much larger than he actually was. She had seen it before, of course, that vulnerability below the façade.

Still it always surprised Buffy to notice he was not a big man. Well, big enough where it counted, she thought with a smile. Her other boyfriends had been large, nearly overpowering in their presence. With Spike, it was different. They were well-matched and fit perfectly together as if it were designed that way. Spike was not terribly tall, just tall enough to wrap her in his comforting strength, easy to turn towards and kiss without stretching or discomfort. Kissing Spike began to sound like a wonderful plan right then, so Buffy did.

Spike was dreaming he and Buffy were together in an Arabian tent, piles of cushion beneath them and the warmth of the day filtering into their nicely shaded shelter. Buffy was wearing one of those get-ups like that Jeannie bint wore on TV in the 60’s and she was kissing him, asking him to make any wishes he wanted of her. Spike was hard pressed to think of a thing he wanted that wasn’t already there in the form of his glowing girl.

He began to waken as the kisses became more powerful than the dream and he opened his eyes to find the real Buffy kissing him with passion and fire. "A bloke couldn’t get any luckier than this", he thought and began to return her kiss with a fire of his own.

Buffy pulled back and smiled at her lover, "Should I say I’m sorry for waking you in the middle of your night? Or maybe I could make your waking up worth your while…", she tempted. Before Spike could answer, she slipped her leg over his hip and moved his ready cock into her wet quim. Slow, deep thrusts and soul-searing kisses were the only breakfast desired by the lovers as Buffy flew towards her first orgasm of the day.

"Oh, Spike, God, I..I.. I, yes, love, yes, just … just like that…um deeper, harder, yes. God, I love you!", she rasped out. With a soaring spirit, Spike released his control and joined her in the throbbing release they both shared. He lavished kisses on her face, starting at her forehead and moving to her eyelids before his whisper-soft, worshipful kisses finally plundered her mouth once more.

~~~

Downstairs, Willow turned to Tara and said, "We’d better hurry up getting this spell ready. The last thing I want is to be here when Giles goes all Cave-Watcher and Buffy hunkers down in the bedroom singing the barricade song from Les Mis. That won’t end well for anyone. Things of the bad happen when Buffy starts singing."

Tara laughed and agreed, "True, and I don’t really want to get backup duty in that scene either! If Anya were here, she wouldn’t mind, but I don’t think I’m up for naked Buffy and Spike vs. the angry daddy. In fact, maybe we should call Anya. She’d probably be able to embarrass Giles into leaving before he even got his hand on the wood." Tara blushed deeply as the double meaning of her words became clear.

Willow tried, but wasn’t able to keep from doubling over in laughter at the image her love’s comment created. "Oh, Giles, no! Only Spike shall stake me! Take your wood and leave at once", she mimicked through her laughter. Both girls collapsed in laughter at the thought.

"And why is it that I fear asking what’s so funny?, asked Xander as he entered the Summers kitchen. "Are you two getting all naughty without me here to enjoy it?"

For some reason Xander’s comments seemed to make it worse as Willow and Tara held on to one another and continued to giggle. "Then there’s Xander the carpenter, he knows all about wood", added Willow, tears starting to flow.

"OK, I think I’ll go on a donut run and come back when you’re being sane again. I wanted to stop by and warn everyone that Giles and Broody Boy are headed over here. I left while Angel was showering. Giles was picking up different stakes, kinda rubbing them with a disturbing look on his face. Just thought you should be prepared", he said.

Xander had no clue why his explanation caused new gales of laughter to peal from the two Wiccan lovers. He was pleased that they seemed so happy, however, and went on to get the Krispy Kremes. He had a feeling they were going to need them.

~~~

Buffy stretched and looked at Spike as he lay next to her. He was staring as if he were not sure how real all of this was. "Wonder what Will and Tara are up to down there?" she asked. "Sounds like they’re having a good time. Not as good as I am, but happy anyway."

"Right now, love, I want the whole bloody world to be as happy as I am, even that pillock Finn. Guess I’d have to give up my evil Big Bad membership if that ever got out. In a sick kind of way, I get how he went all sack-of-hammers losin’ you like that. Don’t know what I’d do if I had you--really had you like now-- then lost you. Might give Soldier Boy a run for the title of deranged ex-lover", Spike said.

"Hum, don’t let Giles hear you say that. He’ll just use it to try to convince me that you can’t be trusted without the chip. I’m pretty tired of the same argument over and over about it. Not gonna happen! Giles can hop on back to Merry Ole and get over it. I never thought I’d want him to go away, but I am so tired of his single-minded attitude".

"Watcher givin’ you a hard time, pet? Can’t say as I blame him. Chipless vamp here, love, and a slayer killer at that. Rupes loves you like a daughter. Can’t fault him for sleepless nights wonderin’ what the soulless monster might be plannin’".

"You’re not a monster, Spike. I thought I made that clear last night. It’s not that you can’t hurt me, it’s that you won’t. I get that and Giles needs to get it, too, if he wants to be a part of my life. I’ve lived without a father a long enough to handle losing my surrogate one okay. I’ll deal if I have to. I’m past needing a Watcher, too, if it comes to that. He’s the one that left me, remember?"

Spike heard her words but could also feel the tension in her small body. He knew his girl well enough to know that Rupert Giles was far more than simply her Watcher. He was family. Somehow Spike needed to assure Giles that Buffy would always be safe with him. Spike needed to keep Buffy from having to choose between them. She had lost so many people she loved in her short life already. Part of the reason she’d been so damaged these past months was because the losses had finally overwhelmed
her. Spike loved her too much to be the cause of any further loss in her life.

~~~

Willow and Tara had taken the supplies for their spell to Willow’s room to keep Buffy from finding out the plan. They worried the idea of souling Spike might bring up fears left over from the whole Angel/Angelus disaster. They pair knew that some wounds were still raw under the surface and they were going to make sure there would be no horrible mornings after to cause either of the unconventional lovers any sadness.

"You know, sweetie, I’ll bet we could modify this spell and make it so that Angel’s soul stays put, too", said Tara. She had been looking at the wording of the spell that Willow had put together and had come to the conclusion that both vampires could benefit from it. "I never met Angelus, but from all that you’ve told me, he’s not like Spike. I think it might even be more important to keep Angel’s soul in him than give one to Spike. I think Angel would feel safer knowing he wasn’t going to wake up some morning all fangy".

"I wonder if Anya has another one of those orbs? We need to make Spike our priority for Buffy’s sake, but I wouldn’t mind making the world safe from Angelus, that’s for sure", Willow answered.

Xander had managed to get Angel to sidetrack the Watcher by sugggesting he contact the Council to find out the results of their smackdown on the organization that had taken the place of the Initiative. Angel pointed out that they only knew about the outcome at the site where Spike had been kept. No one had asked if there were a
much larger organization with other sites out there. Giles admitted he hadn’t thought about that possibility and that such a thing could put Buffy in jeopardy if not totally shut down. This managed to keep Giles busy for a bit since the Council was as uncooperative and uncommunicative as they had ever been.

Buffy came downstairs to heat up some more blood--pig this time--for Spike and to grab a bite to eat for herself. She was humming and looked happier than Xander could remember her being in, well, forever.

While Buffy was occupied in the kitchen, Xander slipped upstairs to put the plan to Spike himself. He and the vampire were not friends, maybe never would be, really, but they were no longer mortal enemies. Somehow knowing all that Spike COULD have
done yet chosen not to made an impression on Buffy’s overprotective friend. Besides, this project would counterbalance the karma from the raising spell, he
thought. Well-intentioned or not, he and Willow and the others had dragged Buffy from the peace and happiness she had earned and treasured. Why they had thought for even a moment that their friend the Slayer would be sent to a hell dimension boggled his mind now. No, helping her to be happy again, that might make up for it all a bit. He was sure as hell going to try anyway.

~~~

Spike was surprised to see the whelp in the doorway. He was even more shocked to see what appeared to be a genuine smile on his face as well. "Come on in, whelp, but I’d ‘preciate it if you’d check any pointy objects at the door", Spike invited.

"No pointies, Spike. You may not be my choice for Buffy, but my choice turned out to be a monster too, so I’m soooo not going there. I probably don’t need to tell you that if you ever hurt her, I’ll have more pointy objects than you’ve ever seen and you will likely wake up on fire, do I? Didn’t think so", he said, noting the smirk on Spike’s face.

They had a perfect understanding and Xander knew it. There was no deep trust there such as Spike felt with Buffy, but the boy was willing to let Spike prove himself.

"Fair enough", Spike replied. "I go hurtin’ her, I won’t be fightin’ you off either. You’ve got yourself a deal, carpenter."

"I’m the easy one, Spike. Giles isn’t willing to do the wait and see. He’s not afraid of pissing Buffy off if he thinks it’s in her best interest. Don’t think you can say or do anything that’ll fix that problem. That puts Buffy in a kind of bad place, though. I get that vampire love’s not all self-sacrifice-y or anything, but I think you do care if Buffy is happy or not. She loves Giles. Buffy might think she can cut him out of her life, might even say it, but we both know how she fell apart when he left. He’s more than a Watcher to her. Besides, it won’t just be Giles
after your undead ass, there’s that whole group of fanatics over there in your mother country that would just love to put an end to Wlliam the Bloody. Hell, they tried to do it to Angel and he had the ‘I’ve got a soul so I get out of jail free’ card. Yup, this is gonna be hard on the Buffster, don’t kid yourself".

"I see where you’re going with this, boy. I’ll not leave her, not now. Save your speech. It’s not happenin’. Not gonna let some soddin’ Watcher or any of those
wankers from the home office dust me either. Promised Buffy I’d not leave her and I keep my promises. I plan to watch her back until she’s so old and gray all those ponces will be long buried. Gonna need to start a pension fund for Buffy, they will. I didn’t go through all this and get the girl, only to bollocks it up by turning tail and leaving like Peaches did. Keep your advice to yourself. Feel bad about Rupes, but not givin’ Buffy up", Spike stated firmly.

"Well, surprise, Bleach Boy, I’m not here to tell you to hit the road. I get that Buffy loves you, though I can’t figure out for the life of me why. I even understand your not being another idiot to leave her for her own good. I may get hit with lightning for it, but I even agree with you", Xander said.

Spike looked at Xander in wide-eyed amazement.

"So, what are you here for? Wantin’ a looky-see at the package Buffy’s traded up to? You’ve done the lame threats to the vampire part already and yet you’re
still here. What’ve you got on your mind, besides donuts?", Spike said. He was damned if he was going to get all friendly-like just because the boy finally
realized there was no point in fighting Buffy’s choice.

"Look, it seems to me that the issue with Giles is that you’re Spike Unleashed now. No chip, no soul, just you making judgment calls and we all know you don’t always have a stellar record on that count. You’re a vamp; eating babies is something that sounds like a good date to you. Now there’s no mini-cattle prod to remind you it’s not socially acceptable. Buffy’s not going to give you up. She trusts you. Actually, I think even I trust you, at least as long as Buffy’s alive, anyway. Giles doesn’t--he can’t and he won’t. We’ve got us a problem here, bud, and I
might have the solution", Xander began.

"Do tell. Don’t leave us in suspense. You figured a way around Daddy’s objection, it’d be good if you’d spill it". Spike was interested in spite of himself.

"What’s missing in this picture of happily ever after, aside from a heartbeat and a Coppertone tan, is a soul", Xander said.

Spike’s eyebrow raised at that and he let out a short bark of laughter. "Yeah, no surprise there. Straight vampire here with no additives. What about it?" Spike asked. His eyes narrowed as he studied Xander with interest.

"I asked Will to put together a spell to resoul you. She won’t do it against your will, but she’s come up with one that doesn’t have any of the secret "oops" factor of the curse used on Angelus. They’ve got all the stuff they need for Tara to shove your soul in you and make you kosher for Giles. I’m here to get you to agree to it", Xander said.

Spike drew back in surprise, looking at Xander with reluctant respect for even having thought of the idea. "What’s Buffy got to say about this?" he asked quietly.

"Buffy doesn’t know. Figure it’s your soul, your decision. I know from what she’s said it won’t make any difference to her if you have one or not, if that’s what you mean", Xander admitted. "So what’s it to be, Spike, put all your money on keeping your self-control and cause Buffy to lose the only father she’s had in years or do what’s best for the woman you claim to love?"

"Not that simple, boy", Spike reminded him. "Only souled vamp in history’s the great poof. Remember, I knew Angelus, better than you’d like to know. Got to know Angel a bit, too. Not the same. What you’re askin’ could turn out to be like
suicide. Don’t know what or who I’d be. Might be so different that Buffy’d not want me. If I’m all broody like Peaches, I’ll be begging you to stake me. Takin’ a
real chance to do something like that. Maybe it’s the curse makin’ Angel so different. I think there’s more Angelus in him then he wants anyone to know,
personally, but what if he’s been right all this time? What if he’s not the same creature at all? What’d happen to me?", Spike said.

"Well, I guess you have to decide what’s important, your psyche and shining personality or Buffy’s safety and happiness", Xander said. "Think about it and let
me know. I’d hurry if I were you, ‘cause Giles has been lining up weapons for days now."

Xander turned to head from the room hoping the love Spike claimed to feel was as strong as everyone seemed to have accepted it was.

"I’ll do it". Spike’s words stopped Xander in his tracks. "Tell Red and Glinda to get it ready. Keep the Watcher out of it, though. I’ll admit that if it was Buffy demandin’ it, I might dig in my heels a bit. Just knowin’ she’s willin’ to take me on faith though … that’s different. Only hope I’m not a bloody bore or a stupid git like Angel when it’s done".

Xander glanced back in surprise at the vamp as Spike rolled over and closed his eyes. He had to hand it to Spike, it took a lot of courage to be willing to have a
conscience shoved into him with the century plus of murder and mayhem he had on his account. Xander wasn’t too sure what he would have done in Spike’s place.

"I’ll tell them now. For what it’s worth, I think you made the right choice. I also think you’ll still be the annoying jerk we all love to hate around here in
no time. We’re not lucky enough to get an improved model", Xander said. Then he went straight to Willow’s door and let the girls know it was their turn at bat.

~~~

"Buffy, I am not a bigot. I kept my counsel when you gave your heart to Angel. I accepted that his soul made him different. Spike isn’t different, Buffy. You can’t make a house pet of a wild animal. They will always turn on you in time no matter how nicely they act at first", Giles said.

"The differences are more than just the soul, Giles, and you know it", Buffy replied. She looked at Angel with a look of apology. "Angelus was a different vampire than Spike. There is no Spikelus, never has been. We’ve seen his worst and we’ve handled it".

"That’s just the thing. If Spike had a soul, at least he would have the means to control his behavior. He’d have a clearer understanding of right choices. You’d
be safer that way. But the fact remains that he hasn’t one", Giles reminded her.

"Here we go again", Buffy sighed. "Yes, Giles, I know that Spike has no soul. God knows I reminded him of that often enough. I don’t even know what he’d be like if he DID have one. I love the guy upstairs right now, Giles. With Angel, well, I loved Angel, but I sure didn’t love Angelus. I love Spike just as he is. Leave it alone, Giles. Go home to England if you don’t want to hang around to see that I’m right. You went home for lesser reasons before", she said with a touch of bitterness.

~~~

Willow and Tara set up the necessary candles, incense and implements to perform the ritual to ensoul Spike and anchor the one already in Angel. No one had bothered to clue Angel in to that last part since they knew he’d be all for it. They were looking at it as a sort of gift with purchase, as Anya might have said if she’d been there. After all, this was not a curse but intended as a blessing.

Xander made up the third person required by the ritual that Willow had modified for the job. Tara was the one doing the actual magic and the others were acting as back-up energy to make it work properly.

They knew the moment it worked by the scream they heard from the room next door.

"Goddess, I didn’t think it would hurt him!" Tara cried in horror.

"Buffy’s going to kill us if he’s not okay", Xander panicked.

"He’ll be fine. He just had a lot of karma dumped on him at once is all", reassured Willow.

"I sure hope you’re right, Will", replied Xander.

~*~
Chapter 19
~*~


Chaos reigned in the Summers house when the scream rang out from Buffy’s room. Buffy shoved Giles out of her way and took the stairs two at a time in her urgency to get to Spike. She slammed open the door to her room and took in the sight of Spike writhing on the bed in obvious pain, his eyes shooting out an eerie glowing light.

"God! Spike! Shit, shit, shit! What’s going on? Will, help!" Buffy shouted as she rushed to Spike’s side. The glowing gradually stopped and he lay unconscious on the bed. It didn’t look like there was any physical damage but whatever had happened couldn’t be good for the recently recovering vampire.

Willow, Tara and Xander collided in the doorway, eager to help in any way they could.

"Buffy, it’s okay. Spike will be fine. It’s okay", Willow said, trying to calm her friend.

"What did you do", Buffy asked, her voice hard. Her eyes glinted like steel as her gaze pinned her friends, demanding answers. "You seem to know something about this. What did you do?"

"B..B.. Buffy, Spike agreed to it, really. He’ll be fine. He probably just needs to sleep for a while and then he’ll be fine, I promise. You know I like Spike.
I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, none of us would", Tara hastened to reassure the distraught Slayer.

"I’m only asking one more time. What. Did. You. Do", she demanded.

"We gave him his soul back", Willow replied.

All color drained from Buffy’s face as her mind went back to the horror of her time with Angel and his removable soul. She went to the bed and sat next to Spike, taking his hand in hers, trying to make sure he was truly all right.

"Why?" she asked. "I just had this discussion with Giles. Spike doesn’t need a soul. I don’t need him to have one. Why did you do this and why didn’t anyone tell me what you had planned?". Her face showed betrayal.

"Spike agreed, Buffy. It was the only way to be sure that he’d be safe, you’d be safe", Willow said. "Now Giles can’t keep planning to stake him. This is different, Buffy. There’s no loophole that would make him lose this soul. You won’t have to worry about him changing because he loses it. All goldfish are safe". She had hoped that the fish joke would lighten Buffy’s mood a bit, but her friend still
looked like she wanted to hit someone.

"Get out. Leave us alone. I want to be the only one he has to deal with when he comes to. If he’s not the same guy I love, you’d better be prepared with some bit
of magic to undo this. He’s always said magic has consequences. There better not be any bad ones for him ‘cause I’m finished with all this manipulation of my life by anyone who thinks they know what’s best for me", Buffy said in a low voice.


~~~

In the kitchen, Giles had tried to follow Buffy as she rushed from the room. He had stumbled over the fallen body of Angel, however. Angel was not in any pain or
injured in any way that the Watcher could see, but was most assuredly knocked out. "Good Lord, whatever has happened here?"

Angel regained consciousness soon and seemed as clueless as Giles concerning the reason for his fainting spell. "One minute I was hearing Spike scream like the hounds of hell were on him and the next I’m waking up on Buffy’s kitchen floor", the vampire explained.

"Do you feel quite normal? Are you injured in any way?", Giles asked. Quite frankly, any sudden change in Angel was cause for alarm with the Watcher. It rarely boded well where this vampire was concerned. "Are you in need of anything? Blood perhaps? Water?"

"No, I’m fine. Think I’ll go help Buffy with whatever new mess Spike’s fallen into though", Angel replied.

"Yes, quite. Perhaps I should join you", Giles said. He discreetly put a stake in his waistband in case it should prove necessary or useful. The Watcher may have known both vampires under Buffy’s roof for years, but that still didn’t make him feel at ease with either of them, much less both.

The two men were intercepted by the three friends descending the stairs. "Don’t think I’d brave it, Giles. Buffy might just murder you both. We barely got out with our skins. I think she’s going to need some serious cool-down time. Maybe Spike can talk her down", Xander warned.

"Whatever are you gibbering about, Xander?" Giles demanded.

"Well, we sorta didn’t tell Buffy before we did it. It was okay though, ‘cause Spike agreed to let us", Willow said in a rush.

"Buffy’s pretty pissed. I hope she cools down before Spike wakes up. I think he’ll be having enough problems without Buffy going off on him", Xander added.

"This have anything to do with me kissing the kitchen floor a few minutes ago, Will?", asked Angel.

"Um, why don’t we go into the living room and we can explain it all", suggested Tara.

"Yeah, don’t worry, Giles, Angel. It’s all good. I promise no vamps were harmed in the production of this little miracle", Xander quipped. "Once Buffy thinks about it and Spike’s back to his old annoying self, she’ll be okay with it, too."

The group went into the living room and took seats. Giles and Angel looked from Scooby to Scooby waiting for someone to start explaining what had just happened to Spike and Angel, and why the Slayer was furious.

"See, I had this idea...", started Xander.

"Why am I suddenly nervous?" remarked Angel.

"Hey, you weren’t part of MY plan, Dead Boy. That was all Tara’s idea", Xander said with a glare.

"We knew you were worried about Buffy and Spike being, you know, together, what with his no chippiness. Xander came up with this great idea that maybe I could put together a spell or ritual to sorta give Spike his soul back", Willow explained.

"YOU WHAT?!" bellowed the Watcher. "Willow, that is how you started down the path towards disaster before. You haven’t yet recovered from the dark magics!" he exclaimed in horror. "Tara, how could you allow this?"

"No, no! It wasn’t dark magic and Willow only figured it out, I’m the one that did the ritual", Tara hastened to reassure the Watcher. "It’s not like the curse the gypsies used on Angel, it's white magic. It's kind of like healing because it reunites what was taken from him, makes him whole. And Spike can’t lose the soul either, it’s permanent. Willow even figured out how to make Angel’s permanent too. That must be why he passed out", she finished. Tara looked at her love with obvious pride in her abilities.

"You mean I don’t have to worry about Angelus coming out again?", Angel asked. He hardly dared hope. In one instant his entire existence had changed for the better and he hadn’t even known it was coming. He couldn’t wait to share the news with Cordy.

"And you are saying that Spike agreed to this?" Giles asked. He was clearly dumbfounded at the idea.

"Yup. Well, he had some worries. Didn’t want to wind up some Angel clone, all broody and boring, but said he’d do it for Buffy. We talked and Spike knew that you and the Council would never just leave them alone with him all ‘goodbye, Mr. Chips’", Xander explained.

"Did Spike know you were going to anchor my soul, too?" Angel asked in amazement. "I just can’t imagine him jumping for joy about that. He liked to taunt me with
the ‘no happies for you, sire’ crap. I can’t believe he’d ….. WOW, Spike with a soul and mine not going anywhere!", Angel said. He began to smile. The Scoobies looked on in amazement at the new facial expression on the vampire.

"Careful, Angel. Don’t want that face to crack. Not used to more than one expression on that mug", teased Xander.

"I suppose I won’t be needing this after all", said Giles. He removed the stake he had been wearing and placed it on the table.

"Are you sure Spike is all right? That WAS him screaming wasn’t it?, asked Giles.

"We’re really sure. I’m guessing it was just all that guilt hitting him at once. Don’t think you can really prepare for anything like that", said Tara.

"Yeah, I remember", Angel said and shuddered. "It’s kinda crushing. Don’t envy Spike that experience. At least he’ll have all of you here to help him out. I
just had Darla, Dru and Spike--not exactly the best cheerleaders for the newly souled team member. I should stick around for a little while, see if I can help out, too", Angel said. It was clear from his face that he hadn’t been planning to stay in Sunnydale for any length of time but felt it was the right thing to do for his fellow souled vampire.

~~~

Buffy watched Spike sleep. He was obviously having some nasty nightmares, because he twitched and moaned, and not in a yummy way either.

"Hang on, baby. We’ll get through this. Just don’t change into someone I don’t know, okay", she whispered to the sleeping vampire.

Spike was deep in sleep, nightmares to be exact. Faces long forgotten, indeed barely noticed at the time of their ill-fated meeting, crowded around him. Old faces and young, from more countries than most people could recognize. All of them had accusing eyes turned upon the vampire. This time HE was the helpless victim of a vast crowd of predators. A babble of languages screamed curses and accusations at
him … a deafening howl of protest over his treatment of them. Spike writhed in an agony of impotence. There was nothing to be done for them now, they were beyond his ability to help. He couldn’t undo his bloody past.

On some level Spike realized that the witches had obviously worked some magic that had reunited his long-missing soul from the rest of him, the part that had committed the crimes. Spike was now standing in the midst of the carnage he created. The docket was too long to ever be read, the list of charges too horrible to contemplate. Spike trembled, not really in fear so much as loathing. He was the judge and his verdict was "guilty as charged". He pronounced himself the very things he had denied being to Buffy. Evil! Monster! Killer of the innocent!
Reveler in destruction and mayhem! God, how had Angel stood it?

There was no easing his newly awakened conscience by thinking how differently he slaughtered than Angelus. The fact remained that he had slaughtered. Did it really make him better if some of his victims had been given a fighting chance? Was it
more noble that Spike had not taken pride in torture, going for the fight and the kill when left to his own choosing? No, Spike looked upon the faces of the lives he had taken and realized that each one represented countless other faces whose lives were forever altered as he had capered in glee.

He had once been a man, much as many of his accusers were. He had prided himself on being a man of refinement and culture, a GOOD man with noble tendencies. How far that man had fallen in the mad dance with his dark princess. He had embraced the
hunt and kill with the same enjoyment and enthusiasm as he had making love to his dark angel. There was no special circumstance to plead when faced with the trail of tragedy he was personally responsible for leaving.

And now, to appease those whom his love treasured, Spike wouldn’t even have the blessing of keeping those ghosts at bay. His life was joined to theirs as surely as their blood had once fed his undead body. The temptation was strong to submerge himself in the madness that would buffer the guilt, to let insanity wash over him like a cleansing wave. Maybe that Bugger, Virgil, would just escort his sorry ass back to hell and give him company on the journey again. But no, he could not do that to Buffy and he didn’t deserve the relief madness would bring.

He could hear Buffy even now, murmuring words that he couldn’t hear over the din of his companions. He didn’t need to hear the words, he knew her. She would be trying to lend comfort. That was the kind, GOOD woman he loved. There was no comfort to be had, however, not to a serial killer, as she had once called him. No longer fit to wear the title of man, he was a thing, an evil thing just as she’d said.

Buffy began to worry as Spike, obviously in some sort of horrific pain, began to cry. Not the tears that she had spied coming from the emotional vampire on occasion in the past but deep, heart-rending sobs. Her heart ached for whatever agony he was
experiencing. Buffy was terrified that through her friends’ attempt to make things safe for them to be together, she would lose him again instead.

How long had Angel suffered like this before he could function, she wondered. She remembered him once telling her that it had taken decades to begin to cope with the guilt. She didn’t have decades to wait for Spike to make those strides. It would be the most unfair irony of all if her friends had destroyed any chance Buffy would have for a life with Spike by the very act intended to aid them.

Buffy remembered how tenderly and lovingly Willow had cared for Tara when Glory had stolen her sanity. She could still hear Willow’s resolve voice promising her lover to never leave her, never stop caring, never stop loving. Buffy was terrified she didn’t have the same capacity to love selflessly as her friend had. What if she couldn’t love Spike enough when he so obviously needed her to stand strong? She had just learned to accept that she could still love at all, much less love well enough.

"Angel! Please come here, now!", Buffy yelled. She wasn’t sure what he might be able to do to help Spike. Angel was, however, the only other creature on the
planet that had any idea what Spike might be going through and how to survive it.

He was through the door before Buffy could think to call for him again. "The soul, Buffy, he’s got all that guilt and remorse. You need to help him deal some way. Damn, I wish I had an easy answer. With me, it was just a matter of time, avoiding people-- brooding, lots of brooding. Don’t ever tell anyone I admitted that, okay? Finally it got to be manageable when I started helping you. Maybe reminding Spike how he’s already been helping will keep him from wallowing. Don’t mollycoddle him. Put him right back out there fighting the good fight, give him a purpose. Remind him that you need him, that he can help keep you alive. It might be enough to keep him from cracking", Angel advised.

"Okay, but what the hell can I say? I mean I’m buy-a-clue girl here, Angel", Buffy said.

"At first, I ran to Darla. I thought she could help me deal. You can imagine how well that worked for me. Darla wasn’t interested in even trying to help me cope. Course, she didn’t understand the guilt. Said I was a vamp and vamps killed for blood, why feel guilty? Said it was stupid, like humans grieving for the cows that died to put brisket on the table. I came up with compromises to stay with her. Felt even more guilt then, traveling with the three of them and trying to be as much of a vampire as I could be.

I guess I was functioning a little better then, at least, around those I knew. When I left, I was alone for ages, Buffy, it was the only way I could be sure humans would be safe. I couldn't trust myself at all. I think I would have eventually gone
as crazy as Dru or thrown myself back into full vampire mode in time if Whistler hadn’t come along to give me a project. The worst thing you can do is isolate Spike, or let him withdraw into himself. Maybe if you push him into the light he was already headed towards, he’ll make out okay. I’ll stay a while and try to help", Angel promised.

"What’s he going to be like, Angel? I mean, Angelus was nothing like you are. Will Spike even really know me? Will he still love me? Will I recognize him? God, Angel, what if I don’t even LIKE him? Who’s going to help ME?", she wailed. "I’m just getting over the whole, ‘I was in heaven and didn’t even get a lousy t-shirt’ stuff and now I have to learn how to be psychologist to a guilt-ridden vampire."

"What if I mess up and break him even more? I mean, I’m no good at this emotional stuff. Give me a pointy piece of wood and point me at something and I’m your girl … help a broken or hurting friend, not so much", she continued in panic mode. "Look at Willow! She was turning into Darth Rosenberg the magic junkie and I was clueless! She’s one of my oldest friends and I love her like a sister, but the best I was able to do was box up all the magic stuff in the house. There aren’t even any boxes for what Spike’s dealing with. I seem to only be good at fighting or running.
I’m not like Spike. He never ran and never backed down no matter what I did or said."

"Well, Buffy, maybe that’s the way to go with this. Just try to figure out what Spike would do or say if the situation was reversed. Remember when he first came to Sunnydale? I warned all of you that once Spike decided he wanted something he never stopped until he got it? Well, maybe you need to make SURE of what you want and then do like he does, don’t stop until you get it", Angel replied. "I know with you in his corner he’ll make out just fine. You just have to let him see you’re there in that corner."

"As for what he’ll be like ...", Angel continued, "I don’t really know. You’re right, Spike was never like me. Still isn’t. I never met him until Dru had turned him. I don’t know what kind of man he was before. I know he had a lot of rage and hurt that he took out on the puffy bastards he used to hang out with. He got the name Spike for a reason. And I do know that an awful lot of the man he was never went away. All those things you saw in him that let you love him, trust him … that’s from William. If I had to guess, I’d say he’ll probably be a lot like he’s always been, only it’ll be easier for him to make right choices. As for who’ll be here to help you? Well, I’m not going anywhere for a while and the Scoobies are here for you, too. Probably here for both of you, actually."


~~~


Once Spike woke up, some changes were obvious. He didn’t look anyone in the eye except Angel. He was quiet, too, in voice and body. He had always been hyper, like a kid with ADD. It was weird to see him so still. It was even harder to look into his haunted eyes and wait on HIM to start a discussion. He didn’t, though, except a few brief comments to Angel.

Spike moved to the Summers basement soon after waking to his new self. He started to avoid Buffy and all the Scoobies, withdrawing into himself. To give them all the credit due them, the friends made it a point to drop in to talk to him, chattering about unimportant events and silly subjects.

Spike wanted to leave and return to his crypt, but Buffy threatened to cuff him to prevent his leaving until she felt he was ready to be by himself. The truth was, Buffy feared Spike would leave Sunnydale altogether unless she was able to keep him right there in her home. When she told him being all alone in the basement
probably wasn’t the best choice at this point, he began to laugh. As much as Buffy wanted to hear him laugh, this particular laugh raised more goosebumps than hopes. It was bitter and infinitely sad.

Buffy couldn’t know that her basement was one of the most crowded places on earth, at least to Spike. He would likely always carry around his inner entourage.
They weren’t quite as loud after he adjusted to their presence, but the looks they gave to him spoke volumes.

More weeks had passed and it looked like the famous vampire healing wasn’t going to do a thing to help in this arena. Spike wouldn’t let Buffy touch him at all. She was angry with him when he said, "Don’t dirty yourself", and jerked his hand away from her touch. She snapped back at him in anger, telling him he was more of a brooder than Angel ever had been and that he needed to just get over himself. Spike only looked at her with those sad blue eyes and said, "No, pet, YOU need to get over me."

Giles had left a few days after the re-ensouling . He promised Buffy that he would monitor the doings of the Council and make sure they didn’t decide to interfere with her love life, or Spike’s unlife either, for that matter. He had no advice to offer about how to help Spike save for agreeing with the suggestions Angel had given. "Well, Buffy, and I cannot believe I am truly saying this, you might remind Spike of all the good he has done over the past few years, how many lives he has likely saved, including my own", Giles suggested.

When Buffy came home bloodied and bruised from patrol one night a few days after Spike’s move to the basement, she told him the least he could do was watch her back as he had been doing before everything had gone to hell. Spike began to go on patrol with Buffy from that point on. He fought as well as he ever had done, but was as silent as the graveyards they patrolled. He was like a great black ghost, present, yet not really there.

Buffy cried herself to sleep more than once, mourning her smug, talkative love. Even Xander’s attempts at insults had been met with either silence or some polite comment meant to push Xander away.

"Geesh, Spike, you feel bad about all the stuff you did in the past and we get that. Hell, I even agree you’ve got lots to be all ‘remorse boy’ over, but enough is enough! You’re breaking Buffy’s heart here and the whole point was to give her a happy", Xander said in disgust.

Willow was more understanding. Her brief indulgence in the dark side had made her realize that darkness lay in all of us and we have to fight it one decision at a
time. She still felt guilty for her obsession with power and magic, running to Rack for more of both and putting Dawnie in danger. Even though Tara had forgiven her, Willow still bowed to the memory of having manipulated her lovers’ mind and
driven her away for such a long while. She also knew that forgiveness had come more from Tara’s sweet nature than any earning of it by Willow herself. She tried to bond with Spike, citing their similaries, only to be met with Spike’s reminder that SHE hadn’t killed entire villages during her evil spree.

The closest Spike came to confiding in Buffy was to tell her that her assessment of his worthiness had been on the money. "Buffy, all the blood I’ve got on my hands…I don’t understand how you can stand to even be in a room with me, much less not dust me. I’ll never wash clean, love, and only get you bloodied."

It was a sad bunch of pandas that sat around the Summers dining table one morning months later. They were having their first official Scooby meeting since the successful rescue of Spike. Spike had returned to his crypt the night before, supposedly to gather a few of his better weapons. They all knew he was actually seeking to avoid them and their well-meant pep talks. Buffy had only relented in her insistence on Spike not going to the crypt again when Angel volunteered to go along with the morose vampire.

"Maybe if you just put it all on the table, Buffy… Let him know that you really do get that he’s feeling megaguilty and why", Xander suggested. "I mean we’ve all walked on egg shells around him. From the looks of things, none of us could say anything to him that he hasn’t already said to himself a thousand times. Maybe we need to acknowledge that yeah, he DOES need to be forgiven and then find a way to let him know he deserves it, too."

"Wow, when did you grow up, Xander? I mean really, I’m impressed", Willow said to her age-old friend. "You’re right, he wouldn’t buy that he doesn’t NEED it. We have to show him that we all need forgiveness."

Buffy decided to try this plan as soon as Spike returned home.

~~~


Angel had tried to talk to Spike all the way to the crypt. "William, you aren’t accomplishing anything torturing youself like this. You are punishing Buffy though, with the way you’re acting. You may deserve it, but she doesn’t. I need to get back to LA soon. I’ve got a teenage son to bond with and a future to plan. You aren’t helping me this way either, ‘cause I can’t leave with you like this. Even if I didn’t care about you, I’d care about Buffy."


Angel wasn’t sure if he had gotten through to the younger vampire or not, but Spike lost some of the body language that just screamed, "I’m worthless". "Well", Angel thought, "even the longest journey starts with one step."

They gathered Spike’s better weapons, some clothes and personal effects only to discover the sun had made prisoners of them both in the old crypt. Angel noticed Spike watching him intently whenever he thought his sire wasn’t looking.

"Okay, I’ll bite. How do you deal with all of them?", Spike finally asked.

"You mean the ugly bastards in your head?" Angel asked. "You don’t deal. You do get used to them, though. And while you learn how to deal, you do some good in this world. You take it one day at a time. You stop making everyone that you love miserable, starting with Buffy. I hate having to say this, but the girl really seems to love you. She’s thrown her lot in with you and you need to take it someplace where you both can get on with life. Stop dragging her though your personal hell and put HER first".

"I’m patrolling. Told the Slayer that I’d do it for her, let her rest up a bit. She’s not having any of that, but I go with her. No nasty’s going to get a
taste of her while I’m there to stop it", Spike vowed.

"That’s not what I meant and you know it! Yeah, Buffy needs you that way, but she needs you in other ways, too. She feels guilty that you had that soul put in.
She never wanted or needed for you to have it. Now she sees how miserable you are and feels like it’s her fault. Stop being a berk and snap out of it", Angel
admonished.

"I’m not good enough for her", Spike said quietly.

"No shit? With investigating skills like yours, I could use you in LA, dumbass", Angel said sarcastically. "May as well get some sleep while we wait out Mr. Sunshine. Maybe we’ll both get lucky and all our ghosts will hang together, trading notes and leaving US alone for a change", Angel quipped.

"You think?" Spike quipped back and actually smiled. Maybe that Dante bloke still had a prayer or two to offer and Spike could get some rest he thought.

Angel began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now if Buffy would just take the ball and run, Spike might just make it!

~*~
Chapter 20
~*~

Spike hadn’t been so out of it that he hadn’t noticed all the long whispered conversations between Angel and Buffy. He noticed the gentle touches and how Buffy
seemed to lean on Angel as she had once before, when just a teen in the first throes of love.

Buffy saw it quite differently, of course. Spike didn’t realize those conversations all centered around HIM and their desire to help him. Buffy hadn’t discussed her feelings with Spike again since that last night together, the first real night of lovemaking between them.

Buffy was noticing a relationship between herself and her first love that she had never expected and would have doubted possible only a few months prior. They were becoming friends. Real, confide-y, concerned friends.

Her "undying love" for Angel had radically altered, just as her disgust and dislike for Spike had changed. She had finally put the great, neverending, angst-ridden love in the past and learned to embrace the real man that Angel was. The embrace was that of a loving friend only.

The fire and passion of their love story seemed to have been doused by the real thing. Buffy would always love Angel, but knew she was not IN love with him and
hadn’t been in a long while. She had even begun to suspect that neither she nor Angel had ever really seen the actual person they professed to "4eva" love. The rose-colored glasses were off and Buffy loved him still, but ONLY as a friend. She suspected that came as a relief to Angel rather than a heartbreak.

In fact, Buffy had a suspicion that Cordy was in for quite the surprise when Angel returned to LA permanently. She had seen Angel in love and knew the looks, the signs. Unless she was wide off the mark, his feelings now centered on Buffy’s old rival.. Buffy genuinely wished them both well. With his soul anchored, Angel could at last have the love he so desperately wanted and needed.

Buffy was glad for a multitude of other reasons. There was Angel’s son in the picture, a son Cordy already loved as her own. Buffy was not missing the idea of playing mommy to a teen. Since Angel had managed to reproduce, Buffy wasn’t ruling out a little Spike or Buffy one day, but she had NO desire to start with a ready-made family centered on a teenager. No, far better to let Queen C have that honor.

As Spike continued to refuse her touches or words of love, Buffy started losing patience. She had a hard enough time tapping into that part of herself without having it rejected when she DID summon it. Love was the hardest thing for her to express or accept. She understood Spike’s withdrawal was about how he felt about himself, not her, but still it drove her crazy.

"Look, you always used to make fun of Angel, calling him Brood Boy and going on and on about him and his perpetual guilt. You’re just as bad! It’s not the soul, ‘cause the rest of us have them and we don’t go around all ‘I’m terrible, you should hate me’. You killed people, I get that. I’m the Slayer, Spike, I know what vampires do. You survived a long time as a vampire, so you did it well. I really do understand that you hate the things you did, I do. But, Spike, IT’S IN THE PAST!" she nearly yelled. "You can’t undo your history. Besides, you had already changed before the soul. You haven’t killed anything that wasn’t evil and needing killing in years. You’ve helped all of us, saved lots of lives, helped to save the world a couple of times even. You can’t bring those people back no matter how sorry you are."

"You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t wish I could undo it all? Any good I’ve done, I’ve done for YOU, Buffy. Not really noble at all, not good. Even if my motives had been better, it doesn’t make up for the harm I’ve done", Spike replied with a sigh. "How I ever thought I could be good enough for you I’ll never know. I’m beneath you. Shoulda listened to you long ago".

"That’s enough, mister. I don’t let ANYONE talk like that about my boyfriend, even my boyfriend. You aren’t beneath me or anyone else, you dope. Okay, you may have started changing to score points with me, but you kept on even when you weren’t getting any credit. You didn’t go back to being the Big Bad. You kept on helping, changing and doing good things. You are the one who agreed to take this damned soul back! How bad could you really be if you actually wanted that? Can you see Angelus agreeing to accept his soul? I don’t think so. You have to stop dwelling on things you can’t make right and start working on now and the future. You can’t save any of those already dead, but you can continue to keep others alive just like you’ve been doing. You’ve made a difference already, Spike. Just keep it up and it will make it a good thing that you survived all these years. If you weren’t here, how many of the people you save now would die? You feel bad because of what you did to live this long? Make it count for something", Buffy said.

Spike blinked in surprise. Much of what Buffy had said made sense. He couldn’t bring anyone back to life, but he could stop others from dying.

"You said you wanted to be a good man. Fine, be a good man, Spike. You have it in you. I’ve watched you fight the demon within you and win most of the time. Now with this shiny new soul it should be easier to do that. Use that soul for something more than a whip to punish yourself", Buffy said.

"All right, you’ve made your point, Slayer. Don’t mean to be some Shakespearean tragedy here. Had a lot to take in. Not wantin’ to wander around eternity like a
cheap Angel knock-off, all dour and broody. How’s the wanker doing, by the way? Since he’s been going back to LA on weekends, he hasn’t said how things are there. He’s been actin’ way too cheerful to be the sire I know and loathe. I think he even managed four separate facial expressions in one conversation", Spike joked. He was curious about Angel’s mood, but he really wanted to stop talking about himself and his brand new soul.

"Yeah, he’s really happy since Willow’s spell anchored his soul and he doesn’t have to worry about Angelus popping back in the picture now", Buffy said. She smiled fondly at the memory of how very pleased Angel had been once the implications had finally hit him.

"Huh, didn’t know ‘bout that". Now Spike understood all the touching and the whispered, serious, conversations between Buffy and her first love. "Makes sense now. He said he’s bringin’ his whelp back with him this time. Guess they’ll be lookin’ to move back here soon. They movin’ in here or are you going to find a new place for the little family?" Spike asked. His voice only shook a little and he prayed that Buffy hadn’t noticed it.

Poof had his soul all safe-like and Romeo could finally be with Juliet. Such a happy ending, so why did Spike feel like curling up in a ball and crying? "Well, I hope you are all really happy, Buffy, truly. No one deserves to be happy as much as you do. Can’t say that for Peaches, but I know it’s your dream come true and all."

Buffy stared at Spike as if he’d lost his mind. "What part of ‘I love you’ did you not understand? Does this new soul of yours make you stupid? Listen up, idiot, I Love YOU! Sure, I love Angel, but as a friend. He’s bringing Connor here because we all want to meet him and we thought it might help them get closer, too. My best guess is that he and Cordy will be the ones house hunting. What’s the matter with you, Spike? The only reason I haven’t been sharing your bed every night is because you haven’t let me. You are the one who has drawn away from me in some misguided attempt to protect me from the ‘evil vampire’ you’ve decided you are. I guess I’ll just have to stop babying you and these weird-ass moods you’ve taken to. Geesh, Spike! Me and Angel? Sooooo last century!"

The look of amazement on Spike’s face was priceless. He felt as if he had just been given new life. Buffy’s love was so new to him and so unexpected that he had trouble believing it wasn’t something he had made up or misunderstood. Buffy had been pretty clear this time. Not only did she love him, Spike, but she had chosen him over Angel. She had a real choice and picked HIM. Spike’s mind boggled. Maybe he WAS worth something if a woman like Buffy found something worth loving in him.

If she was right, Angel had moved on as well and wouldn’t be trying to win back Buffy’s love. Spike’s experience with Dru made that possibility an area of insecurity only time might heal. Spike didn’t remember much about the Cordelia, just that she’d been a pretty bint with quite a mouth on her. Yes, he and his sire were lucky blokes indeed to have stumbled into this town and had their unlives turned upside down. Who would have thought it possible for two of the worst vampires in history to turn out this way and be loved by two beautiful, incredible women. It didn’t make sense really, but Spike was tired of looking a gift horse in the mouth.

"Sorry, Buffy. I don’t want to push you away any more. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone. Die without you in my life, be glad to at that. The worst part of all my time in those labs was thinkin’ no one would even notice or care what happened to me. It’ll take a bit of getting used to, being loved. I might need you to pinch me every so often, pet.

Funny getting everything I ever wanted just at the time I get the one thing that’s tellin’ me how much I don’t deserve any of it. Gonna take it, though. All of it--you, your love, a life with you. Gonna take it and do right by you. Gonna be a man you can be proud of, not embarrassed that you love. Even gonna be nice to Xander", Spike promised.

"Well, don’t go totally crazy here, Spike", Buffy said with a laugh. "You might scare Xander if you’re too nice to him. I am proud of you, all you’ve accomplished even without the soul or any encouragement from any of us. I’m not embarrassed. I think the life you plan for us will finally make it okay to have been pulled from heaven. I think we’ll make a piece of heaven right here."

More prayers than just Dante’s had been answered of late. Spike had traveled from hell to purgatory only to find his own Beatrice waiting in the only heaven he cared about. The biggest miracle was Buffy, Spike’s Beatrice, waiting with arms opened to him offering her love. Somewhere in the eternal, an old poet smiled.


Spike leaned in and kissed her willing lips. She pressed herself as close to him as possible as her tongue sought entrance to his mouth. She had been hungering for his touch, his taste and now her enforced starvation diet was at an end.

They had only made LOVE those few times after he had healed from the torture, now that was all they would do when having sex. Every emotion Buffy found hard to
express with words would be shouted with her body, and often. In time she might be able to be as good with words as Spike. She would try.

Spike kept whispering, "I love you, Buffy, I adore you", between kisses. She wondered how she had ever doubted the truth of that or his ability to love at all.

They kissed their way up to her bedroom, soon to become theirs, not releasing contact with each other. They had the house to themselves, but didn’t want any
interruptions to their lovemaking.

"Think I need to redecorate since my frilly stuff is sooo not you, baby. I'm not saying we go with skulls and cobwebs either, sweetheart, but I want it to show its yours too. Didn’t you offer to help me once a while back?", Buffy asked.

"Yeah, but if you’re in the room, it’s decorated just fine, pet. Perfect even. I’ll be glad to help though, if you really want me to". His mind reeled at the terms of endearment she had directed at HIM.

"Well, since I plan on it being OUR room from now on, I think you should have some say in how it looks. You’ll also need to move your stuff in. Maybe make some changes throughout the house. I want it to be OUR home, Spike--yours and mine. Willow and Tara will be moving out after this semester. They’ve kept most of their stuff in their room anyway. This is our place, our future. But now……" She led him into the room in question, closing the door with her foot as her hands were already busy removing his t-shirt.

They undressed each other with the same speed they used to when it was all about the sex then slowed down when skin met skin without any barriers. Buffy was ready, really ready with no need for Spike’s talented foreplay. Time enough for play next time. Buffy sat on the bed and drew Spike to her. She lay back on the bed and looked up at her lover with lust-filled eyes. "Now, Spike. I need you inside me now."

Spike moved between her spread legs and leaned down to touch his hardened cock to her dripping quim. He entered her quickly, causing her to gasp in pleasure. His thrusts were hard and deep and moved her body further on the bed until he lay atop her. She had come almost at once and was well on her way to another orgasm when Spike slowed the pace and flipped her over so that she was on top. She took over the tempo then and moved up and down on his willing cock with the force needed to bring her off again. Spike used his ever so talented fingers to tweak her clit as she was coming, leading to an orgasm that seemed to go on forever.

Buffy collapsed on him and eagerly plundered his mouth with hot kisses. They rolled to face each other, side by side, and Spike resumed thrusting in her. This time he was moving slowly and deeply, stopping when fully sheathed to move his hips and grind his pelvis to her clit. She rocketed to her third orgasm on his fifth thrust.

Her inner walls did their dance on his cock, driving him ever closer to his own orgasm. Buffy moved onto her back, pulling Spike with her without breaking their
kiss. He began to pound into her again, this time not holding anything back as he reached for his own pleasure while giving her a fourth orgasm at the same time.

Afterwards, they lay spooned together, each touching as much of the other’s body as possible. Spike was running one hand through Buffy’s hair while his other hand drew lazy circles on her belly. She was caressing his arm as he drew the invisible circles. Her deep sigh spoke of utter contentment.

"So, you think this will ever get old?" she asked.

"Buffy, beloved, it will only get old if I do, and that’s not likely to happen. Even if vamps could age, there’d always be Viagra. Brilliant use of science, that".

"What about when I get old?" Buffy asked.

"Well, since my goal in life is to make sure you DO get old, I’ll be the happiest vamp in the world. You will also still be the most beautiful, desirable woman that ever existed. You will always be my whole world, Buffy. That’s not gonna change because some calendar changes. Gonna love you forever, pet, already do.
You’re gonna be the sexiest ninety-year-old that’s ever lived, and I’m gonna be right there still adoring everything about you", he promised.

Finally, Buffy knew her vampire well enough to know that when it came to love, he was never just all talk. She basked in the sure knowledge that he was more
than able to do exactly as he said. "Finally, a guy who’ll never leave. Who’d have thought it would be you back when we first met?"

"First time I saw you, dancing like music lived inside you, I knew then that I didn’t want to leave. Didn’t know why for a while, but didn’t want to leave. Wanted to dance. Kept comin’ back. Belong here, love, at your side. Glad you agree now", Spike said and kissed her hair.

Buffy spent the remainder of the day showing him how very much she did agree and Spike learned that loving was even finer with the soul there to give suggestions. Seemed his soul was quite creative, too, when allowed to voice its opinion.

Spike had his heaven, his 'Love that moves the sun and the other stars' and happily led Buffy on a journey of discovery of her own. This time, the Bloody Awful Poet got it all right.

~*~
Epilogue:
~*~

London: Headquarters of the Council of Watchers:

Quentin Travers looked up from the ancient text he was studying as his secretary knocked politely on his office door. "Come in", he said.

"Mr. Travers, sir, Bentley from the laboratory is requesting an interview with you. He said it is most imperative that you give him at least ten solid minutes of your time. Rather impertinent, in my opinion", the secretary offered with a sniff.

"I’ll see him. Lucky for him I’m at a good place for a break in this research project. I’ll speak to him about his attitude as well, Greta", Travers replied.

Bentley’s information proved to be important enough to earn him a reprieve from the attitude adjustment promised. The medical and scientific teams had the results from their experiments and tests on the young American, Colonel Finn.

Finn appeared to have been fully human prior to the alterations that were begun by the late Dr. Margaret Walsh. After her death, further augmentations were done, apparently without the subject’s awareness. The end result was a hybrid of sorts, human and mechanical. The medications given to allow the human parts to accept the mechanical had caused psychosis and extremely violent behavior. Bentley was certain that his team had refined the entire operation, including the glitch with the medicine. They were ready to try the process on a subject of their own.

"So, Mr. Travers, have you decided on who the lucky subject is to be? Perhaps one of the potential Slayers would be a good candidate", Bentley offered.

"Actually, we have a suitable volunteer. He has already allowed himself to be used in our cloning experiments with wonderful results. We spoke just yesterday about that and your current work. We feel using the clone will be the safest way to test our results. If it becomes necessary to terminate the experiment, it will be far more ethical to destroy the clone and we can start again with an identical subject using one of the other clones at hand. You did some work on that project, Bentley. I’m sure you will work well with Roger Wyndham-Pryce. He’s getting on in years, but still of great value to the Council in spite of the embarrassment involving his son. I think his clone will be ideal for this experiment", Travers decided.

"Yes, quite! Indeed, the idea of utilizing the clones is a wonderful one. Perfect DNA matches in the event of mistakes. Wyndham-Pryce is willing to sign the
necessary waivers?" Bentley asked.

"Of course. No one is more faithful to our mission than Roger. Would have had my job if it hadn’t been for the trouble with his son’s Slayer all those years ago.
Too bad, really. Not his fault. I think being the linchpin in this work has gone a great distance in making him feel he has made a significant contribution to the Council. I’ll get the papers ready and get Roger to drop in immediately", Travers said.

~~~~~~~~

Sunnydale, California. Bedroom of acting Slayer, Buffy Summers:

Buffy woke with a start, her spasming body waking the sleeping vampire at her side. "Buffy, love, are you all right?", Spike asked. He had come to full alert
status with the jolt from his lover.

"Just a dream. I don’t think it was a Slayer dream, it was way too silly. Well, it was scary in places too, but mostly it was silly", Buffy said.

"Yeah? What happened in yours? Couldn’t be sillier than mine. I was dreamin’ of being in some theater production and being made to wear some godawful jewelry that had been donated by Liz Taylor", he shivered in horror at the thought.

"In my dream, there was some Big Bad and an apocalypse coming. You saved the whole world somehow and I found a way to share my Slayer power with all the Potential Slayers in the world. I didn’t have to be the ‘One’ anymore, but I was bored out of my mind and making stupid dating choices. Crazy dream, huh? I mean, as if I’d share all that power with a bunch of snotty teenagers that might turn out like Faith". Buffy shuddered at the thought. "You want to hear the craziest part? Angel was the head of some rich and powerful law firm!"

"Well, Angel’s always been an evil bastard. Law firm’s not that big a stretch", Spike opined.

The two lovers snuggled back into their cocoon of blankets and held each other as they drifted back to sleep.



~fin



***********************************************************

Story title inspired from the song: "Dante’s Prayer"
from the CD "The Book of Secrets" by Loreena McKennitt

"When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone
I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars
Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me..."