I can’t believe what I’m saying ... what my voice is singing. I try not to look at the others as these words come pouring out of my mouth but I can’t help myself. My eyes scan the room ... searching and not finding what I am desperately looking for.

I see Willow with her tear stained face back away in horror as the realization of what I’m saying reaches her. I almost feel guilty but I rein myself back. Enough thinking about everyone and everything. When will my feelings matter?

I’m spinning out of control and I could stop it and I find I don’t want to. I want this to end. I want the pain and the “life” to end. I smell something burning and realize my feet are smoking and I smile to myself.

The end is near.

I’m welcoming it as a strong pair of hands grab me. I’m stopped, my hair whipped into my face. I didn’t expect to be saved and I stare down at the hands that are wrapped around my arms and I find myself pleasantly surprised. The black of his leather duster brushes against my legs as he opens his mouth.

“Life’s not a song. Life isn’t bliss, life is just this. It’s living. You’ll get along. The pain that you feel only can heal by living. You have to go on living. So one of us is living.”

I can’t help but meet his eyes with my own as he sings. His voice is like velvet sliding over my skin provocatively. I melt inside, and find myself seeing inside him. Seeing the man I always knew he was but refused to believe.

His blue eyes are fathomless and I’m falling into them.


*~*

In the middle of our song he is gone, in a flash of black leather he is out the door and I panic.

Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, is the mantra in my head as I forget what I’m singing and chase after him.

He rolls his eyes when he sees me and my heart lurches. I almost second guess myself but I hold back. If I want him I need to prove it.

Our eyes lock and we gaze at one another. Staring ... our eyes conveying what we can not say. He’s finishing my lyrics with his own. Perfectly in sync with my words ... my feelings.

It humbles me.

Makes me understand what I have been missing.

We are inching closer to each other. His eyes turning an impossible shade of blue and again I find myself falling into them. Seeing him as if it was the first time all over again.

I am awed as his hand brushes against mine. I want to look down, see his skin against mine but his eyes have me caught.

Our mouths are a breath apart and I find myself wondering what would happen if I just kissed him.

What it would feel like to have his lips against mine, his body against me.

What it would feel like to finally stop lying to myself and to him. To finally give “us" a chance.

I have a moment to see his shocked look as I lean into him.

Spike


Let it burn ...

It didn’t matter that she pissed me off. It didn’t matter that she said hurtful things. All I could think of was getting to her.

I hope she fries. I’m free if that bitch dies....I’d better help her out.

From the shadows of the Bronze I see her. She is glorious. Singing and dancing. My dead heart contracts as she let’s out the truth.

I’m shocked she is finally telling her mates. The tears and looks of astonishment almost floor me but honestly they deserve to feel guilt.

That’s what you get for not telling me about your little plan, I think to myself selfishly as the tears fall down red’s face.

Sure I’m good enough for patrolling and fighting the monsters and watching Dawn but no one thinks to ask me about the spell.

As soon as Buffy is alive they go right back to treating me like shit. I should have known.

But at the same time would I have stopped them? My heart has been broken since she died. I am not the same man I was ... I wished I had been the one that died. How many times I saw that whole scene play out.

How many times I would have made it different.

Every time I would have saved her.

Never once did they ask me if I was ok. That’s not true. Dawn did. Dawn held me while I cried. We comforted each other while everyone else could care less. Dawn has caught me staring off into space, tears slipping down my face more than once.

Nothing was worse then the time Dawn found me at Buffy’s grave, drunk and crying piteously. The sun was almost up and I told her I was giving up. Begging her to leave me so I could end my un-life. I had never seen Dawn as hysterical as she got that night.

“Not you too. Don’t you leave me Spike. You’re all I have left!” she screamed as she threw herself at me.

I sigh and reach for a cigarette when I see Buffy jump off the stage. She is spinning and twirling, her feet smoking.

Is she bloody insane? I ask myself. Before I even know what I’m doing I’ve grabbed her. She is staring at me in shock and my eyes mirror hers before I start singing.

She is caught in my gaze as I sing... my heart pouring out in the simple words that come from my mouth. I want her to listen, to know that I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.

Her eyes change and she is looking at me in with something I’ve never seen. I can’t help the flood of hope that fills me.

*~*


Bugger this...

I feel her behind me as I walk away. No more singing for this vampire. I’ve been love’s bitch enough tonight.

She is gazing at me, that tender look in her face again and I roll my eyes. I can’t help it. I want so badly to grab her and kiss her but I hold back.

“The day you suss out what you do want there will probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones.”

She is saying my name and it never sounded so sweet. So full of promise. I blink and we are moving towards each other. Singing again... finishing each other’s sentences.

She is leaning towards me, her eyes on my lips. A shiver of apprehension flows through me and I stuff it down as her lips reach mine.

Buffy

I feel him hesitate and then the gates open and he is kissing me back. With so much passion that I am almost overwhelmed.

I just want to feel...

Feel? Oh fuck yeah I was feeling.

I have wanted to kiss him since the moment I came back. That night in my house, the emotions playing all over his face as he tenderly holds my hands.

Telling me how he saved me every night. How many days I’ve been gone. I could feel how much he was holding back, the tears that threatened to fall down his face. All I wanted to do was touch his cheek and pull his body to mine.

Then my “friends” walked in.

His hands are on my hips, holding me to him as his lips claim mine. I may have started this but he has taken complete control. I wouldn’t have it any other way as I wind my hands in his hair and pull him closer still.

He moans against my mouth, his body flush against mine. I hear a low sigh and realize it’s me as he kisses down my throat. I am on fire everywhere he is touching me.

His need is tangible and I feel more alive then ever.

I am alive with the need to be his.

Still kissing me, he pulls me away from the center of the alley. His lips never leaving my throat as he pins me against the cold brick wall.

I briefly wonder if he is moving us so the others won’t find us but find I don’t care as his lips reach mine again.

Forget them! my mind shouts as Spike tenderly cups my face.

He breaks our kiss and our foreheads touch as we take panting breaths. Mine much needed ... his not so much.

I can’t stand to not have his lips on mine and I grab his head and pull his mouth back down to mine. He groans low in his throat and presses me into the wall while his mouth continues its sweet assault on mine.

My hands are running down his chest, the fabric of his shirt soft against my palms. I push his duster off to the sides of him and run my hands up his back, my leg wrapping around his hip.

I push my body against him and he breaks away from my mouth, his eyes on mine.

Surprise coloring his features.

*~*

Spike

Oh bloody hell. She’s killing me.

She is pressing her tight body against mine, driving me crazy. I am holding onto my self control ... only barely. She is tempting me like no other and all I want to do is tear the clothes from her body and surge into her welcoming heat.

“You sure?” I ask and as she nods I feel my control break.

We are a blur of hands and mouths. Ripping clothes and tingling touches. Biting and clawing, passion for passion. She ferociously tears my belt from my body and shoves my jeans down. My shirt hangs in ruins around my neck.


Her clothes are no better, the material in tattered strips around us. The only thing that is covering us is my duster that thankfully has survived our savagery.

Her mouth is a permanent fixture on mine as she runs her hot little hands up my chest. I grab her ass and pull her up, wrapping both legs around me. My cock hits up against her and she moans loudly, adjusting to take me. She is slippery with her wetness and I bury my face in her throat as she lowers herself onto me.

We gasp aloud at the feeling of being joined and lock eyes as she starts to move.

Slowly...up...down.

I am being consumed by her heat and I want it...I need it.

Buffy

Oh god oh god...

At the first touch, I’m gone. Stars bursting behind my eyelids as I take him completely. He is buried deep inside me and I am already on the verge of coming. He fills me to the brim. In a way that I have never felt before. Not with Angel and certainly not Riley.

He is moaning and thrusting into me, my body accepting him and begging for more. The way he is gasping and holding onto me stirs something deep in my belly and I cling to him.

“Spike... Oh Spike,” I breathe and pull his mouth to mine. Our teeth clash together as we kiss, our tongues mimicking what our bodies are doing to each other.

I am riding him for all that I’m worth as he grabs for my breasts. The first touch of his cool palms against my nipples triggers my orgasm and I come ... hard. My pussy contracting around him.

*~*

Spike

I’m done for...

I feel her fall off the edge and I try like hell not to follow. My demon doesn’t like that and I feel myself vamp out.

She is still holding onto my face and I try to pull away but she won’t have any of that. She kisses me deeper, her fingers tracing the ridges on my forehead.

I soon taste her blood in my mouth and realize she has cut her tongue on my fangs.

On purpose.

I growl and hold her hips down as I piston in and out of her. I know I’m leaving little bruises and I don’t care. Her blood is in my mouth and her face is in my neck. She is practically screaming as I draw out her orgasm. I’m so close and then I am yelling as she bites me. My body shooting in large bursts inside of her overheated pussy.


*~*

Buffy

Fuck yeah ...

“Oh god Spike ... I’m yours. I’m so yours..." I gasp.

“Mine... always mine,” he is whispering into my skin.

I taste blood in my mouth as Spike starts thrusting wildly into me, throwing into another orgasm. We are a shuddering mess as we both ride the wave that has us both.

Spike gives another thrust into me and holds still, his legs shaking as he anchors us against the wall. He is breathing hard against me and I marvel at that.

He smiles when he catches me looking at him and leans his head against mine.

“Wow,” I say breathlessly.

“Yeah...”

“We really should have done that a long time ago,” I comment, tenderly touching his cheek.

Spike looks at me, surprise on his face.

“Oh yeah?”

I nod and lock eyes with him, letting him see all the feelings I have in their green depths for him. I watch the emotions play across his features as he looks into me.


*~*

Spike

So one of us is living.

I must be dead. Because there is no way that she is looking at me like that. Not after what we just did. I want to pinch myself. This has to be an alternate reality. It just can’t be real.

She can’t be gazing at me like that. My own feelings mirrored in her eyes. It can’t be real.

I shake my head and close my eyes. When I open them I expect her to be gone and me alone somewhere else...anywhere else. But as they open she is still in my arms and we are still in this alley.

“Slayer?” I croak and want to kick myself. Sure now I sound like a total git.

Her laughter is soft and sweet.

Her voice almost musical.

No pun intended.

“Spike,” she says touching my face.

Her tenderness is almost overwhelming and I fight my ‘flight reflex’. I start to disengage myself from her, painfully aware of the confused look on her face.

But I need ... hell I don’t know what I need.

She is pulling her jeans up at the same time I am and we stop and lock eyes again.

“Spike?”

This is all almost too much.

Everything I’ve wanted? Sure. Scary as hell? Oh my God yes.

A rush of anger envelopes me. This can’t be real. It’s a joke ... she is just toying with me.

“Don’t,” I reply angrily.

“Don’t...?”

“Stop it Slayer. Don’t fucking patronize me,” I sneer at at her.

She takes a step back, shock on her face. Hurt radiating across her features. She looks as if I had just slapped her and backs away, clutching her ruined shirt around her, a tear slipping down her face.

A surge of remorse fills me and I start to move towards her but she holds her hand up and turns away.

“I wasn’t,” reaches my ears as she walks away from me.

“Shit,” I say and shake my head.

Chase her or go home and drink myself into a bloody oblivion? I ask myself stupidly.

Buffy

I want the fire back...

What the hell just happened, Buffy thought to herself as she stomped away.

One minute they were singing, the next fucking and now?

He was angry.

I don’t get it!

Doesn’t he realize he is the only one who makes me feel? Feel anything at all.

Lust.

Love.

Life.

I’m an ass for not giving him a chance back then, before Glory. I should have been his as soon as I found out what Riley was doing.


Riley ... now that was a name that brought up all kinds of regret.

I left Riley because he lied to me, not because he was finding company with a vampire.

Hello kettle, I’m the pot.

“Stupid ... stupid!” I say out loud stomping my feet.

“You’re right I am.”

The sound of his accent made me stop in my tracks. My heart started to pound and my stomach swarmed with butterflies.

“I’m sorry slayer ... Buffy,” Spike said.

His voice was full of desperation. I turn slowly around towards him.

He was merely standing there, his head cocked, his hands out to his sides and a look of absolute anguish on his features. It took absolutely all that I had to not run to him and throw myself into his arms.

“I’m a bad rude man. I know that. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you. You are the sunshine. I’m all darkness and no soul and yet I love you. I love you so much it hurts me.”

I can only nod and he is speaking again.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to save you. That I would change that night a thousand different ways. What we just did ... I have wanted that for a long time.”

“Me too,” I whisper knowing he can hear me.

“I’m terrified ... bleeding terrified of this. Us. You.”

“And you think I’m not? I was ripped out of heaven. Out of my final rest. I was thrust back here in this hell by my friends. This is hard and not fun. It’s work and it’s pain. And the only time I feel anything, anything at all is when I’m with you,” I practically yell at him.

“You want to change the night I died? I want to change the last year of my life! I want there to be no Riley and I want to not have fought the burning feelings I had...have for you! I want us both to stop being stupid and just be...”

“Buffy ...”

“I don’t care what anyone thinks. Screw my friends. Its time for me. Not the slayer. It’s time to be Buffy. Nothing else matters. I just want you. Always you,” I finish my eyes overflowing with tears.

*~*

Spike

If my heart could beat...

Seriously am I dead?

“Always you.” She says it again and I swear to any God who will listen to me that my heart beat.

I stare at her, desperately wanting to go to her but waiting. Wanting to see what she does.

She is furiously wiping at the tears that run down her face but her eyes... the emerald green of her eyes are fixed on mine.

“I love you Spike. I fucking love you!”

I can’t hold back anymore. Any coherent thought I had in my head is gone. I start to run towards her as she runs to me and in a blur she is in my arms, her legs wrapped around me. I’m kissing her as she is kissing me, tears running down both of our faces.

“God I love you Buffy...” I murmur in between kisses.

Her arms are tightly wrapped around me and it feels like heaven.

It feels like home.

*~*

Buffy

These endless days are finally ending in a blaze...

This is where I belong. Where I’ve always belonged. He isn’t evil darkness. He is the shadow to my sun. He is the perfect balance to me. Everything that I’m not, he is. And vice versa.

Why I denied us both this I will never know. But I will not allow it to happen anymore. I’m his and he is mine. And nothing will ever change that.

In that perfect moment, him holding me lovingly against his body, the murmurs of “love yous,” I realize that I may have been ripped out of something special.

But I was placed into something that is much more.

Smiling against his mouth I tell him how I feel again and again. Wiping his tears away as he wipes away mine.

In that moment I let go.

I let go of my anger and my despair. Of my hurt and my loneliness.

I let everything go and just become ... his.

It doesn’t matter what happens after this. Or what happens tomorrow. The only thing that matters is us ... right here and right now. Me wrapped in the safety of Spike’s love and his arms.

Just where I’m supposed to be.


Now that was a show stopping number...