“Hey everyone. Dagwood is in the house!!!!!! This is Dagwood’s House Party and you have just heard “Heart-Shaped Box” by Nirvana. Today, we are giving away five pairs of free tickets to Hawaii. Our listeners will get a chance to play ‘Guess That Tune’ and five winners will receive two free tickets so they and a guest can fly to Hawaii and spend two months in an all expense paid condo right on the beach! So, with no further ado… Let’s play ‘GUESS THAT TUNE’!!!”

* * *

“Hello, this is Dagwood from Dagwood’s House Party. Who am I speaking to?”

“This is Xander from New York City!”

“Okay, Xander. What is this song?”

The green plastic watering can
for a fake Chinese rubber plant
in the fake plastic earth
that she bought from a rubber man
in a town full of rubber plans
to get rid of itself.

“Oh I know this! Work, brain, work. Oh-Oh-Oh! ‘Fake Plastic Trees’!”

“Well, Xander… You better start packing your bags, because that is correct! ‘Fake Plastic Trees’ by Radiohead is the name of that tune! You have just won two tickets to Hawaii! So, who’s is gonna be your lucky guest?”

“Um… there’s a wide variety. I have to choose carefully. Maybe… Spike! Yeah. Spike. I’ll bring Spike.”

“I’m sorry, but the guest has to be a human, not a dog.”

“Spike is a human. It’s a nickname.”

“Okay well Xander and Spike, have fun in Hawaii.”

* * *

“Hello, hello, hello! This is Dagwood from Dagwood’s House Party. Who am I talking to?”

“Hi this is Anya from Nashville, Tennessee! I have to say, Dagwood, you have a very sexy voice. I bet you could give a girl many pleasurable orgasms.”

“Uh. Thanks. Now, name this tune!”

Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend, as an old memory
And I swear that I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun

“Oh I love this song. That’s “Come as You Are”!”

“You better get ready to come as you are, because you have just won two tickets to Hawaii! That was “Come as You Are” by Nirvana! Who are you gonna bring?”

“Faith. She is my only friend who appreciates a good orgasm.”

“Okay, Anya. I’m gonna have to let you go before you convince me to quit my job and become a cabana boy in Hawaii.”

* * *

“Hello, Dagwood here and you’re listening to Dagwood’s House Party. Who’s this?”

“Cordelia. Cordelia Chase. Daughter of Henry Chase. From Orlando, Florida”

“Ok. Well, let’s play. Can you name this catchy song?”

You walk up to her
Ask her to dance
She says, 'Hey baby
I just might take the chance
You say, It's a good thing
That you float in the air (in the air)
That way there's no way
I will crush your pretty
Toenails into a thousand pieces.

“Oh, that’s that weird song by that band with the weird name. Weezer. “Only in Dreams” by Weezer. Do I get to go to Hawaii? I hope so, ‘cause I just bought this new bikini…”

“Yes, Cordelia. That was “Only in Dreams” by Weezer. You get to go to Hawaii and don’t forget to take that bikini. Who are you gonna take with you?”

“Harmony Kendall! She has a new bikini too! But it’s not nearly as fabulous as mine!”

“Woohoo! Bikinis all around. Have fun in Hawaii!”

* * *

“This is the Dagwood’s House Party. Dagwood speaking. We have our next caller on the line. What’s your name, dude?”

“Oz.”

“Oz, are you ready to name that tune?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, here we go…”

In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Smell like I sound I'm lost in a crowd.
And I'm hungry like the wolf.
Straddle the line in discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt I'm after you.
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf

“Ah, classic 80s. That’s “Hungry like the Wolf”.”

“Wow, Oz. You even knew it was 80s. You must be a true music fan. That was “Hungry Like the Wolf” by Duran Duran. Congrats, Oz! You are going to Hawaii! Oh, and who are you bringing?”

“Devon.”

* * *

“Well, folks, we have only one more pair of tickets left. So lucky caller number five, what’s your name?”

“This is Elizabeth from Sunnydale, California.”

“Hi there, Liz. This is Dagwood. Can you please name this tune?”

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door
And listen to you breathing
Its where I wanna be, yeah

“What do ya say, Liz?”

“That’s “Breathing” by Lifehouse.”

“That’s right, Lizzie! You have just earned yourself two tickets to Hawaii. And who will be your lucky guest?”

“My best friend, Willow!”

“Well, I hope you and Willow have a blast in Hawaii.”

* * *

“Well, it’s been fun folks! Congratulations to all five of our winners: Xander, Anya, Cordelia, Oz, and Elizabeth. In one week they and their guests will all be heading to Honolulu, Hawaii to stay at a luxurious condo on a secluded beach, all expenses paid. We hope you all have a fun and safe trip. Now we’ll get back to your requests, but first, here’s “The Red” by Chevelle."

chapter 1

Wind blew through Buffy Summers’ hair as she drove her rental car through the roads of Hawaii. She couldn’t believe that she had won those tickets.

“Oh my god, it’s gorgeous!” Willow Rosenberg’s yell of surprise broke through Buffy’s reverie.

“Wow! This place is amazing.”

Before them stood a two-story condo. Balconies on both stories had a great view of the beach. The condo was a manila color with dark green trim. As they drove up to the side of the house and parked, they saw it had an in-ground pool and a hot tub in back of the house. They spotted a short, balding man approaching them with a huge smile on his face.

“Hello, there! My name is George. I’m here to help you get started and give you a tour of the house. May I please have your names?”

“Hi, I’m Buffy and this is Willow.”

“Ah! Good then, I hope you will enjoy your stay here. I’ve tried to make the house as comfortable as possible for you.”

He helped them with their suitcases and walked up to the front door.

“Here we have the living room. To your right is the kitchen; to your left is the den. The den leads to a game room. It has a ping-pong table, a pool table, and a dartboard. The den also leads to two bedrooms. The rest of the rooms are upstairs,” said George.

“There’s a bathroom near the kitchen. As you can see, the stairs are in front. The hallway beside them leads to the back door, which leads to the pool and beach,” said George.

“Thank you, George. You’ve been so helpful,” Buffy said.

“You’re very welcome. Now, if you will excuse me, I have other matters to attend to. I hope you can show the others around the house when they get here. If you need to reach me, my personal number is on the fridge.”

“Thanks!” they both said as George left.

* * *

Willow and Buffy chose upstairs bedrooms next to each other. Just as they finished putting their bags in the rooms, a red convertible shot into the driveway. A blonde and a brunette got out. Both decked out in Gucci and Prada. They went around to the trunk and started hauling out bag after bag of who knows what.

“Think they brought enough stuff with them?” Willow whispered in Buffy’s ear as they headed downstairs.

Buffy giggled. “I bet these are the girls from Florida. They look like the type who would say ‘Cordelia. Cordelia Chase. Daughter of Henry Chase’,” she said in an imitation of the girl’s voice she had heard on the radio. It was high-pitched and kind of scary sounding, causing Willow to giggle as they reached the front door.

“Hi,” Willow called out to the girls once they got outside.

“Hello. I’m Cordelia. Cordelia Chase. Daughter of Henry Chase. You’ve probably heard of me.” Buffy had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

“Hiya, I’m Willow and this is Buffy.”

“Hello, I’m Harmony Kendall,” the blonde said as she pushed in front of Cordelia.

“We’re gonna show you guys around the house. So, grab some of your bags and let’s go.”

* * *

“Dude, did you pack my conditioner?” Devon MacLeish asked Daniel ‘Oz’ Osborne. Oz simply raised an eyebrow.

“I need my conditioner. It gives my hair more body.” Devon’s hobby was trying to break world records. Now, he was trying to grow the world’s largest afro. “I know I’m going to get this one,” Devon said as he drifted off into a fantasy of girls asking for him to sign their cleavage.

* * *

Anya Jenkins and Faith Wilkins walked off the jetway, talking and giggling. All the men in the airport turned their heads to watch the duo walk through the airport. The girls stopped at the baggage claim to pick up their bags, then headed outside to grab a taxi.

“I can’t get my damn ears to pop!” Anya said as she stuck her fingers in her ears and chewed furiously on her gum. The cab sped past palm trees and a dude playing a ukulele.

Faith shrugged and went back to flirting with the taxi driver. He winked greasily at her and licked his lips in the rearview mirror, while Faith did the same and tried to hold in her hysterics.

“I wonder if any of the guys there will be cute. That Oz guy sounded drool-worthy on the radio, didn’t he?” said Anya as she watched the gruesome display between the driver and Faith.

“Dunno. I’m kinda drawn to this big ole’ taxi driver here.” Faith winked at him again. He winked back and ran an oily hand down his stomach.

“Can’t you watch the road?” Anya said as she looked out the windshield nervously.

He looked at her with hungry eyes, but then went back to watching the road.

Faith just laughed and looked out the window at the hotties on the beach.

* * *

Xander Harris and Spike Giles walked out of a Taco Bell, Xander stuffing his face with a Burrito Grande and Spike watching with disgust.

“Bloody hell, whelp, how can you eat that? We ate before we came and once we got on the airplane.”

Xander shrugged. “I’m a growing boy. I need to eat every once in a while.”

“Yeah, you’re growing alright.” Spike said as he pointed at Xander’s belly.

“Just because I’m not all skin and bones doesn’t mean I’m fat,” Xander said as he eyed Spike critically.

“Oi, I’m not skin and bones. I happen to have a great body. You know you just wanna put your hands on my tight, hot, little body.”

“For the gazillionth time, I AM NOT GAY!” Xander said as he climbed into the rental car.

“Whatever you say, whelp.”

“Shut up, Bleach-boy.”

They kept bickering as they drove off towards the condo.

* * *

Chapter 2

"God, I'm starving," Buffy said as she walked into the large kitchen with Willow and began rifling through cupboards.

"Cocktail wieners, caviar, spam, Vienna sausages, not exactly my first choice," said Buffy.

"What do we have to eat around here?" asked Cordelia as she walked in.

"OH CAVIAR! MY TOTAL FAVORITE!" Cordelia screamed as she saw what Willow was holding.

Buffy and Willow exchanged a look.

"I found some Ramen. Want some, Will?" Willow nodded and Buffy tossed her a pack of the shrimp-flavored Ramen.

Just as Willow was about to pop the water into the microwave, Harmony ran into the kitchen.

"Someone else is here and one of them’s really hot and the other one, well, let’s just say that he is the biggest geek I've ever seen." Harmony said as she jumped up and down on her 6-inch heels.

Cordelia ran over to the window. "Hello, salty goodness."

Buffy and Willow walked over to the window and peeked out over Cordelia and Harmony’s heads.

"He doesn’t look like a geek to me," said Willow, as she inspected the newcomers.

"Only someone who wears bright orange shoes could say that," said Harmony as she eyed Willow’s tennis shoes critically.

"What’s wrong with my shoes?" asked Willow. Harmony snorted in a very unladylike manner.

"I think we should go greet them," Buffy said as she headed for the front door.

"Oh my god, I have to go check my hair and makeup first," said Cordelia as she ran to the nearest bathroom.

"Me too!" Harmony ran off after her.

Buffy and Willow rolled their eyes and headed out to the driveway to meet the two men.

* * *

"What’s the address again?" Spike said as he turned down another road.

"Uh… 1000 Shoreview?" Xander said as he tried to read his own writing.

"Well, it looks like we’re here," Spike said as he turned into a long driveway.

Xander whistled as he saw the house come into view. "Nice digs."

"Bloody Americans," Spike grunted, although he was pleased by the large condo. He had been worried that the place would be a dump and he would have given up his summer job for nothing.

Spike slammed on the brakes and squealed to a stop, and he and Xander hopped out.

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here." Xander said, as he saw two women come out of the condo.

"Hellllllllo, ladies,” Xander said. “This is Spike and I’m Xander.”

Buffy arched an eyebrow. "What the hell kind of a name is Spike?"

"It's a nickname, Luv, and you must be Buffy, I recognize your voice from the radio. So tell me, Buffy, what kind of a name is that?" Spike sneered.

"Buffy is the name my mom gave me. Do you have a problem with that?" Buffy bit back. “And what’s your real name, Nail?”

“It’s Spike and I would tell you but then I’d have to kill you,” he said with a smirk.

Buffy stared at his lips for a few seconds before saying, “How cheesy is that? People used that line back in the 80’s, but I guess that would explain the Billy Idol thing.”

“What Billy Idol thing?” Spike asked.

“Well, there’s the hair and then there’s the accent.”

“What the bloody hell is wrong with my accent? Most girls find it damn irresistible.”

Willow, who had been watching the two blondes with amusement, turned to Xander and asked, “Can we help you with your bags?”

“No, I think we got ‘em,” Xander replied as he hefted a suitcase onto his shoulder.

“Okay, I’ll lead the way,” Willow said as she turned back towards the condo.

“Ta, Luv.” Spike also picked up his bags and fell into step beside the redhead.

As the four made their way into the house, Cordelia and Harmony came out of the bathroom.

“And who do we have here?” Cordelia asked as she crossed her arms, making her full breasts jut out.

“Why, hello, Pet. I’m Spike,” Spike said as he took Cordelia’s hand and placed a brief kiss on the inside of her wrist.

“Spike, eh? I’ve got a few guesses on how you got that name.”

“I bet you do, Princess, and who is your friend?” Spike said as he took the blonde’s hand and laid a kiss on it, as well.

“I’m Harmony Kendall. I’m pleased to make your acquaintance,” Harmony giggled stupidly.

Xander stuck his hand out to Harmony, “I’m Xander.”

Harmony didn’t even spare him a glance; she was too busy ogling Spike as he looked around the living room.

“I think I heard a car pull up.” Xander said.

Buffy went and opened the front door just in time to see two women get out of a taxi.

Xander let out a long whistle.

Spike looked around Xander to see the one of the two brunettes flirting with the fat cab driver. “Betcha she's the orgasm chick.”

Chapter 3

“See ya later, Handsome,” Faith said as the greasy cab driver pulled her last bag out of the trunk.

After he winked and blew Faith a kiss, he got into the car and swerved out of the long driveway.

“You don’t seriously think that fat pig could give you many orgasms, do you?” Anya said as she watched him drive away.

“More cushion for the pushin’; that’s the way I see it,” Faith said with a small smirk playing on her lips.

“Riighht. So, where is everyone?”

“Probably inside the house,” Faith said as she started towards the front door.

Just as Anya and Faith were stepping onto the large porch, the door swung open. Xander and Buffy stepped out into the sunshine and waved at the girls standing there.

“Hi, I’m Buffy and this is Xander,” Buffy said as she pointed to herself and Xander.

“Hey, B, Xanman,” Faith said as she raked her eyes over Xander’s floppy hair and gangly body.

“Hello, Buffy and Xander. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Anya said as she held out her hand and Buffy and Xander both shook it.

“You too. Come on inside. Everyone else is in here,” Buffy said as she headed back inside. Faith and Anya picked up their bags and followed Buffy into the house.

“Here let me get that for you,” Xander said as he saw Anya struggling with a bag.

“Thank you so much, Xander. That’s very gentlemanly of you,” Anya said with a huge smile.

“No prob,” Xander smiled shyly back at her.

* * *

Once Anya and Faith met everyone, they found a room upstairs and put their bags away. As they were coming down the stairs, they saw a van swing into the driveway. Two guys hopped out of it, went around to the back, and started pulling out guitar cases and duffel bags.

“What’s up with their hair?” Harmony said with distaste.

“I like it.” Willow said as she eyed the taller one’s afro and the smaller one’s blue hair.

“Oooh, me too,” Faith said. “Can you imagine pulling that hair while riding…?”

“Please don’t finish that sentence,” Cordelia interrupted Faith.

“That must be Oz and Devon,” Willow said as she stared at Oz.

“Yeah, I guess everyone is here now,” Buffy said.

“I’m gonna go let ‘em in,” Spike said as he opened the door.

“Hello, lads,” Spike said as he walked up to the two.

“Hey,” Oz said with a small wave.

“Hey, dude! What’s goin on?” Devon said as he went to high-five Spike.

Spike arched an eyebrow, but let Devon slap his hand anyway.

“Need any help, mates?”

“Naw, man, we got it,” Devon tried to lift another bag off the ground and succeeded in dropping all the bags and a guitar case, smashing Spike’s toes in the process.

“Bloody hell!”

Spike heard a muffled giggle from the porch and turned to see who was laughing. He saw Buffy and Faith watching them from the porch.

Spike flipped them off and picked up some of Devon’s bags, which only caused the girls to laugh even harder.

Faith turned to Buffy and said, “Looks like this is gonna be one bitchin’ summer.”

tbc…