Their hands parted in fire.
“I love you Spike.” She said.
“No you don’t but thanks for saying it.” He looked at her his eyes full of love. “Now hurry up and go!”

It was as if her heart froze. She forced herself to let go of him and ran. He was going to die. There was nothing she could do. He had decided, and it was the only way to save the world. Almost blindly she ran through the school trying to get out before it crumbled on top of her.

And suddenly she was in an alley. Spike was in front of her, looking terribly hurt. Confused and overjoyed to see him alive, she ran after him. “Spike!” she cried. “Spike!” He didn’t turn to face her even as she caught up with him. He was mumbling to himself.

“Beneath her!” I’ll show her, “beneath her”. He grabbed a rifle and loaded it. “I’m gonna get rid of her, get her out of my head once and for all!”

Confused even more, Buffy followed him. He crossed the park, determined as ever and at last came to a street that looked oddly familiar to her. Then she realized why – it had been her street! Spike was headed toward her house! With a rifle!
“Spike! What are you doing!!!!!? “Spike stop!” Buffy screamed.
He continued marching towards her house as if she hadn’t said a word.

Suddenly, he stopped. Buffy looked over his shoulder to see what had stopped him. She gasped. It was herself! She was sitting on her doorstep crying. So much had gone wrong. Spike lowered the rifle and sat beside her, letting her cry.

“What’s going on?” She thought. “I’m watching Spike comfort me on one of the saddest moments of my life, but I’m here and there? Little did I know back then that worse was coming….I should’ve taken this as a picnic.!”

Then she was somewhere else. It was a beautiful church with huge stained glass windows. A huge, jeweled cross stood on the altar and a bare skinned Spike lay over it.

“I’m dreaming again. Dreaming of him again.” She thought. “I remember this. It was when I discovered he had his soul back..”

Bare skinned Spike turned to her, his eyes full of anguish. “Pain, pain, so much pain….you’ve always caused me pain, and you always will. Even my death hasn’t stopped the pain…you’ve always hurt me, since the beginning. Will you ever stop? Will you ever stop Buffy?”

Buffy woke up in a sweat. Two years had passed since the destruction of Sunnydale and the Hellmouth, but she still dreamed of him every night. Most of the dreams were fond memories or bittersweet regrets, but none had shaken her as this one did. All of their feelings, his and hers, coursed through her.. She felt his glorious death, her sore legs from her flight, his denial of his feelings, her denial, his disappointment and hurt at her refusal, and most of all, the pain and the love. It was as if she had been looking at her memories from outside her body yet feeling every feeling either one of them had felt.

His direct address to her at the end had been the most shaking of all. What did he mean? Was he still out there? And what did he mean “from the beginning?” Yes, they had been enemies and fought, but somehow she felt it was deeper. She had to find out.


Spike woke up groggy. He felt like his head had been in a blender.

“Well, well, you’re awake.” It’s bloody well time!” A voice said.

Spike whirled around. Who was that? Where was he? All around him was nothing but a thick gray mist. There was nothing at his feet, yet he was standing, not floating. The last thing he remembered was his own death. Blinding light had been all around him, killing The First and all of Its minions, and destroying Sunnydale with them. Buffy had been with him until the last minute. She told him she loved him. He could see it in her eyes that she was telling him the truth but he feared that if he allowed himself to believe her he would never be able to make the sacrifice to save them all. He owed it to all of them and to himself, his own soul-to finish it. He had felt it…felt his soul. It had been there. If he ended it, they would be safe and he would be somewhere else. Here apparently. But where was here? And was this his soul? It couldn’t be his body so –

“Sodding moron! Of course it’s me!” The voice yelled angrily.

“Who are you?” Spike demanded, startled.

“I’m your bloody soul you bloke! The one you tormented for decades!”

“But aren’t I the soul? The body is dust.”

“Well duh, genius. Do I have to explain everything? I am the Soul, keeper of The Heart, Your humanity, and Your conscience.”

“What? You’re my heart? You’re so bloody blunt and….yucky.”

“Yucky? Great, hanging with the scoobies turned you into one I see. As for being yucky I’m you and YOU are yucky. Plus, you try being shoved off for a century and a half while your body goes and does unspeakable evil while you sit helpless, and then come and tell me that you can be mushy gushy and nice.”

“But I’m not the body.”

“No you’re not. But you’re the mind. We’ve been one since I returned to you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“There are three elements to a being. The Soul, the Body, and The Mind. The Soul, as I’ve already said, contains the real Heart of the organism. The Soul controls the body and takes on all of its burdens. The heart feels, but most of its feelings are positive, resulting in emotions such as happiness, empathy, and love. Negative emotions also manifest themselves, like anger, sadness and jealousy, but most of these are tempered by the Soul’s morality complex. The Soul attempts to minimize harm. In evil humans, the soul is battered and ripped from bad experiences and twisted thoughts. Sometimes the Human brings it on himself. It is no longer capable of morality, only of satisfying its Body. This is what happens with murderers and rapists, etc. However, even they can sometimes feel a stab of conscience. When the Soul is separated from the Body however, only the Mind is left with it. The Mind has no conscience of its own, therefore while it can think and reason correctly, it does not concern itself with ethics. There is no feeling in the mind either. The Body thinks it’s happy or angry but is merely satisfied or unsatisfied. Thus, vampires have no real feelings.”
“You’re lying. If I didn’t have feelings how did I hurt so much from Drusila and Buffy before I got you back? You can’t tell me those weren’t real.”
“The hurt from Drusila wasn’t real, you were merely extremely unsatisfied. But Buffy was different.”
“Why?” Spike asked.
“Come with me. I’ll show you.”

“Exactly where are we going Mate?” Spike asked his soul.

“We’re almost there, you’ll see.”

Spike could see nothing but the gray mist. After what seemed to Spike like hours of walking, the mist started turning a deep blue color. He continued walking through the blue mist until he reached two yellow spirals. They were intertwined like a double helix and constantly twisting.

The soul addressed him. “This is Purgatory, you know what that is right?” At Spike’s affirmation, the soul continued, “Purgatory is where the souls of those suited neither for heaven nor hell are kept. In usual circumstances, when one becomes a vampire, his soul goes straight to Purgatory until he’s done enough Evil and then goes to hell and burns for eternity for his actions, both before and after. That’s where I was until a few years ago. While being tormented, I was provided a window with which to see the acts of my mind and body – to prolong my misery at its evil doings. Then something changed. The Initiative put the chip in your brain and forced you to stop killing. You had to ask for help from the Slayer and Her Friends. Humans are damned for good as their death signals the end of their time on Earth. Vampires, though dead, are still on Earth. But there’s a double-edged knife. Without a soul, the body and mind are selfish and evil. Without acts of goodness, the soul is damned to hell. The chip was the solution. Your body needed to be good or at least docile to avoid physical pain. Because of the lack of Evil, I was sent away from Hell and because of all the evil you had yet to repent, I could not enter Heaven. So I came to Purgatory. This happened to many of the Initiative’s experimentees. “

“You still haven’t answered my question, Soul. If I was incapable of feeling without you, how was I hurt by Buffy?”

“Shortly after the insertion of the chip, your hatred of the slayer and her friends began to diminish and not only because you needed them. Even though you had no real feelings, you, the Mind, could see attributes in others. “ You saw that Buffy was strong, wise, and full of energy. You admired these qualities while cursing them. And lust isn’t a strict emotion as much as a physical reaction. But soon it became greater than that. I, your Soul, was here in Purgatory still when I felt like I was being tugged violently. I soon found myself in the prison – he made Spike look toward the intertwining spirals – and did not completely get out until you won me back.”

“Completely get out?”

“Right Mate, what did I tell you? In order for you to have had feelings, you needed me. Something in you pulled for me even as I was in Purgatory, I don’t know what. But Purgatory would not let me go. So I was jailed, but parts of me got to you. And you fell in love with Her.”

“Are you shitting me?”

“Daft as it sounds, I’m not. I finally fully returned to you after you paid for me with your blood in the African Cave. Let me tell you it was sweet to finally have you feel the burn of your sins as I’ve always felt them. You had me doing all the bloody time while you and the body were off merrily frolicking. I suppose you did make up for some of it though with the heroic actions that got you dusted.”

Spike’s head reeled from all this talking. Not only was his soul bloody damned annoying, it also talked too damned much! And although he didn’t regret helping her and the Scoobies, Buffy was forever lost to him now – and he was left with a big- mouthed soul. Hopefully she would find happiness….

“It’s been two years Mate. Time moves differently here. You and I just woke up in Purgatory, and the body is gone, but on Earth it’s been two years since.”

Spike was shocked yet again. “Can I see her? How she’s doing? Is there a way?”

“Just look down.” His Soul said.

There she was, in her room, as beautiful as he remembered. She was clutching something in her arms and looking up. It was almost as if she was looking directly into his face. He looked closer to try to see the object in her arms. His eyes widened. It was his leather jacket!

------FLASHBACK------

It was almost time for the final fight. Spike sighed as he thought of the battle to come. He looked down at the pendant Angel had brought Buffy earlier that morning. Obviously it was meant for him but whatever it was for, he had a nagging feeling deep in his soul that this would be his last fight.
“As long as she lives, I will be content. I will be worthy of her support of me.
And then slowly he removed his jacket- the one that had belonged to Nikki Smith, the slayer. He had prized it for years. It had been a testament to his strength and superiority. Later, it became something he just wore…a necessary part of him.
He supposed the proper thing to do would be to leave it for Robin, the son of Nikki Smith. But Robin probably wouldn’t wear it anyway because of what happened.
He took a piece of paper and a pen.
“Buffy,…”

Now he saw her clutching the jacket. She had gotten it after all. And kept it. She was still looking at him.

“I wish you hadn’t left me Spike. I knew you had to, and I knew I had to let you, but I wish it were different. I wish I had realized the truth sooner. You really did love me. I wish I had told you sooner that I loved you. I think I have for a long time. I wish you had believed me when I did tell you. I wish you were here! She burst into tears as she continued. Please, if someone or something is out there, let Spike rest in peace. He did much evil but he tried his best to make amends. He deserves peace. He saved the world and gave me faith in love again. Please keep him warm, safe, and happy as I was once in death.”

She shook with grief.

“I’m here luv! Spike cried desperately. I’m here! I wish I were with you too!”

“There is a way,” a voice said.

“Who are you?” Spike asked.

“That’s not important. You can call me Messenger. Do you want to go back to her?”

“Yes! But I’m dead. Not even undead. How can I go back?”

“Do you wonder why you’re in Purgatory?”

“Well, yeah, my Soul – I mean, I figured it was because my good deeds were in balance with my evil ones. Can’t get into heaven or hell.”

“Not quite,” said Messenger. “You are in balance, true, but you are closer to heaven. If you were to go back to Earth, you would have a chance to redeem yourself. Normally the powers that be leave matters to themselves, but the world of good and the world of evil are fighting over you. You were both one of the most evil and one of the most heroic creatures to ever live, you –“

“I know the last part,” Spike said impatiently. “But how do I get back to Earth? To Buffy?”

“That’s what I was getting to. It has been decided by the Higher Powers Above and Below that you shall be sent back to Earth in your previous form. There you will continue until your next death. At that time, your soul will no longer be in balance and you will be properly placed in the afterlife world you belong in.”

Spike’s heart did flip-flops. He would be able to return to Buffy and Niblet! He even admitted he missed Giles and the Slayerettes too. He was going to have another chance, he –

“William!!! Pay attention!” The Messenger hissed. “You will be sent back to earth in your old form but both good and evil emissaries will be sent to influence you and your decisions. Decide soon where you want to go, and take care to avoid the distractions of the opposing side.”

Spike snorted. “Decide where I want to go? Who in the world would choose Hell?”

“Do not be too trusting in your assumptions. Things may not be what you expect and circumstances might cause you to rethink your options. Take my advice: make your decision and stick by it; this is your last chance.”

With that, Messenger snapped his fingers and Spike fainted.


Buffy sat on the floor clutching Spike’s jacket. She had cried every day like this for two years. Some days were better than others, but this was one of the worst. She had cried for days on end after his death. He had died believing she didn’t love him. But she, on the other hand, knew very well how deeply he had loved her. He had given up everything for her and her cause. And gotten nothing in return. He had even left her his precious jacket. She hadn’t noticed he wasn’t wearing it because he had been wearing a replica. It was the only thing of his she had left. Vampires couldn’t take pictures and he hadn’t been very materialistic. If only she could have shown him her love somehow. If only she could’ve gotten over her shame sooner and seen him for what he was.

There were a dozen if onlys, she thought bitterly. All useless. She had found some joy in her friends and their lives and the relative calm of the world since The First’s defeat (there were baddies, but none as fierce as before), but no personal peace. She felt that it had died with her one true love. Spike. She would just have to live with it. She owed it to him.

Her friends knew how she felt but they had long ago stopped bringing it up. Instead they worked to make her life as full as it could be. Now they all lived in London. Giles had set up a Slayer training facility here, and Willow a Witches Academy. The two corroborated frequently. Xander was a prominent builder in the area and had married a lovely girl named Evelyn just a few months ago. Dawn was at Oxford studying – of all things – history. As much as she had always complained about research, Buffy always knew she was fascinated by it and she couldn’t be prouder of her baby sister. As for Faith, she, like Buffy, helped Giles run Slayer Central and had settled with – yes settled with and married – Robin almost immediately after leaving Sunnydale. He too worked at Slayer Central, as head academic advisor.

Ring, Ring!

Buffy sighed and went to pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Buffy!”

“Hey Willow, what’s up?”

“We’re going to The Phase. Wanna come?”

“I don’t know Willow, I’m kinda tired.”

“Come on Buffy, it’s only for a little while and we haven’t all met up together for fun in months! Dawnie, Xand, Giles, and even Faith will be there! Please?”

“Alright, alright, Will,” Buffy laughed as she wiped away her tears. “I’m coming.”

“Yay! See you there! Eight?”

“Eight.”

Buffy looked around as she walked to the Phase. Not a vamp in sight. The Phase was a posh club, kind of like The Bronze had been, but better. Unfortunately, Buffy had ceased enjoying clubbing long ago. She had responsibilities now. It made her feel…weird.

“Oh Lord, I’m turning into Giles!” she thought horrified.

“Help..help me…” a voice cried weakly.

“Huh? What’s that?” Buffy snapped out of her thoughts.

“Help me…”

She followed the sound. A body lay in the dark alley near The Phase. Coming closer, she saw that he was a young white male with curly blond hair. A shiver went up her spine. “Why am I feeling so strange? she thought. I need to turn him over, see if he’s ok.”

She turned him over and gasped.

“Spike!!!!”

It was he. She had known it instinctively. She leaned down to feel his pulse. He was still alive. It was chilly, so she took off her coat and wrapped it around him. She noticed that his clothing was strange. He had on brown dress pants, a dressy collared shirt, and a brown vest. Glasses were tucked in his vest pocket along with some papers.

“That’s weird. She thought. “He looks like he’s from the nineteenth century.”

He started to stir.

“Spike?”

His eyes opened. She looked into their startling blue depths, awed and amazed at finding him alive.

“Spike?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s you, you phony! You made me think you were dead, you, you. …Meany!!”

Spike looked at her more intensely, puzzled at her words. He cleared his throat.

“Ahh…uh…Gentle Miss, you have me mistaken. My name is not Spike. I am William Gareth Morgan of the Manchester Morgans. Who are you? Where am I?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What? Spike, it’s me. Buffy.”

“Why do you persist in calling me Spike and acting as if you know me? I’ve never seen you before in my life!”

Buffy was startled by his outburst. He didn’t know who she was? He called himself William Morgan? Was this some type of amnesia? Suddenly she grinned recalling a Willow spell gone wrong. Spike had believed he was Giles’ son, Randy Giles. Was he under some kind of spell? She had to find the others.

“Spike, er, I mean William, come with me, we’re going to see my friends.”

“I don’t even know you!” William said exasperated. “Why should I go with you?”

“Do you know where you are?”

William looked around. “An alley?”

“What city?”

“Manchester?” Spike looked at her like she’d gone loony.

“No, you’re in London.”

“London? How’d I get here?”

What was he talking about? He didn’t even know how he got there. Must be the injury, she thought. She had to get him to Giles.

“Well, looky what we got here boys!” a voice said from behind them. “Dinner! A slayer and her boytoy for dinner. Gourmet Cuisine.”

Buffy and William turned to find four vampires circling them.

“Lovely, English Redneck Vampires. Just what I needed right now.” Buffy muttered under her breath.

“Wha…what are they?” William stammered.

“Vampires. Get out of the way!” Buffy pushed him behind her.

She dusted two right away, but the next proved to be harder. He dashed at her and avoided her stake by jumping to the left, and dealt her a punch in the jaw. She fell hard, but jumped back up and surprised him with her back kick, knocking him to the ground and dusting him. She turned around. The last vampire was attacking Spike. She watched for a second as Spike tried to beat it off with his fists and failed miserably. He hit the ground and the vamp pounced.

This was the guy who had been her right hand fighter? A hero? A feared evil vampire – wait…he hadn’t known what a vampire was! Had he forgotten that too? And where were his fighting skills…those weren’t things you forgot. Weren’t they instinctive or something?

She got to them just as the vampire was about to bite Spike and dusted her. Spike took her offered hand.

“Thank you for saving me. I thought vampires were legends. Are we safe now?”

“You honestly don’t know what a vampire is? Let me see your mouth.”

“My mouth?”

“Just do it.”

She checked his mouth and saw no fangs or signs of them. Then again, the fangs shrunk when reverting to human form – right? Was he human again? How could that be? An effect of the medallion, maybe? Buffy sighed. “You had better follow me William.”

For once he made no protest.

William felt completely helpless. “Like that’s new to me, “ he thought. His mother had been slowly dying from tuberculosis for years now, his poetry had yet to be appreciated, and Cecily would have nothing to do with him. He was useless - unlike the girl next to him.

His first thought at waking up to see her face looking down at him was “Dear God, what beautiful vision is this?” It was only a minute later that he realized she was as unfamiliar as the place he was in. Something about her tugged at his memory but try as he might he couldn’t put his finger on it. Apparently she believed she knew him too, but kept calling him “Spike.” Who was this Spike character anyway?

Her fighting skills were unbelievable. Rather ashamed at his own fumble, William marveled at her resolve and knowledge. What had the vampire called her? A slayer? What did that mean? He was full of questions. He glanced at Buffy. One thing was for sure. Until he figured out where he was, it would be better to stick with her and accept her help. She didn’t seem to mean him any harm and he didn’t know how to fight vampires. She wasn’t hard on the eyes either. William blushed at his last thought.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Giles, Willow, and Xander were sitting at a table at The Phase watching Faith and Dawn dance. Robin was due to meet them soon. “I wonder where Buffy is?” Xander asked.

“I see her now,” Giles said gesturing toward the entrance. “There’s someone with her.”

Everyone turned to look and gasped.

“Holy…” said Xander.

“Spike!” Willow exclaimed.

William eyed Buffy’s friends warily. They were certainly an odd looking group. There was a sullen looking, one-eyed man who looked about Buffy’s age, an older man with thinning hair and glasses who looked at him intensely, and a bubbly young redhead who had just greeted him with that name again. Did this Spike of theirs resemble him so?

Buffy cleared her throat. “Uh guys, Spike doesn’t remember us or how he got here. He says his name is William.”

“William Gareth Morgan” William supplied.

Hmm, is it some kind of amnesia?” Giles asked.

Buffy nodded. “That’s my guess.”

Just then, someone flew into William’s arms. Surprised, he found himself looking into the eyes of a pretty little brunette.

“Spike! You made it! I knew it! What took you so long to come back to us? We’ve all missed you so much, especially Buffy. She cries eve-“

“Dawn, that’s enough! He has amnesia and doesn’t appear to remember us.” Buffy said sharply.

“Is that true?” Dawn asked William.

William felt regret when he saw the hurt look in her eyes - just like the one in Buffy’s eyes. “I’m sorry Niblet, but it is true. I don’t remember you. My name is William.”

She looked at him sadly. “That’s what you used to call me, Spike.”

William addressed the group. “Why are you all assuming I’m your Spike bloke and that I have amnesia? I could just look like him.”

They all glanced at each other, then at Buffy, and all shook their heads.

“Hey B, we see you finally joined in –” Faith stared as did Robin who was behind her.

“Spike!” they both shouted.

William sighed. He’d have to hear them out.

They had all decided it would be best to hold a Scooby meeting in Buffy’s apartment. After they had all gathered around the kitchen table with mugs of hot cocoa (they were going to need the caffeine it seemed), Giles questioned William.

“What did you say your name was?”

“William Gareth Morgan of Manchester.”

“In what year were you born?”

“1852. July 10th.

“What is the last thing you remember?”

“I was trying to talk to Cecily Underwood. She snubbed me and I walked off. Suddenly I met a pretty brunette named Drusila and she said she could give me everything I wanted – power, strength, manliness - I followed her and after that I don’t remember anything until I woke up in the alley. I felt very weak and needed assistance so I called for help and Buffy came.”

At his words, Buffy and Giles exchanged worried frowns.

Buffy continued softly. “William, what year do you think it is?”

William snorted, acting remarkably like the Spike she knew. “Why are you asking me these crazy questions? Everyone knows it’s 1880.”

“What’s your favorite food?”

“I don’t know. Dumplings maybe, why?”

“Not blood?”

“Blood? What manner of man are you? Do you drink blood? Is it something they do here in London?” William was confused.

His companions had grown silent.

“William, that’s good enough for now” said Willow finally. “Why don’t you get some sleep? You’ve had a long day. Xander will take you to the spare bedroom.”

She looked at Buffy for consent.

“Yeah William, go get some rest” Buffy agreed, smiling at him.

“But my mum…”

“She probably believes you’re still at the reading. You can call her tomorrow, she’s probably asleep right?”

William nodded and walked off with Xander.

They stared at each other in silence. This was something none of them had expected. Spike was back, but not the Spike they knew. This was William Gareth Morgan of Manchester, the man Spike had been before becoming a vampire. William the Bloody Bad Poet.

“So then is it anterograde amnesia? He doesn’t remember anything after the Cecily putdown?” Willow asked.

“I’m not sure. We should do some research. I have a doctor friend I can consult.” Giles replied. “In the meantime, lets try to keep him from knowing too much about where he is or what he was. It might unnecessarily alarm him or worse.”

Everyone concurred and left for home. Buffy gazed upstairs. Maybe she should check on him. He wasn’t her Secret Weapon Spike anymore – he was only William.

He slept on his left side, his hands under the pillow. The lamp was still on, but he was out. Buffy crept in, and sat watching him. He looked so content, so at peace, that she had to smile. His light curls are beautiful, she thought. She reached out to touch them.

He opened his eyes. “Hello Buffy. Is it morning already?” he asked shyly.

“No, no, William. I was just…checking on you. Nothing creepy stalkerish I promise, although it seems that way.”

“Excuse me?” he asked confused.

“Nothing, sorry to disturb your sleep. I’ll go now.” Buffy got up to leave.

“Buffy?”

She turned around. “Yes?”

“This Spike fellow, he was very dear to you wasn’t he?”

Buffy looked at him, tears forming in her eyes. “Yes, he was.”

“He was your beloved?”

“He was in my heart.”

“He courted your hand in marriage?”

“No, we – ah, well, we were close. Things are different here, William.”

“But did he return your affection?”

“He loved me. But I wasn’t ready to love him. We were…inappropriate for each other, or so I was convinced at the time.”

“Why?”

Buffy was quiet for a minute. What should she tell him? What would be too much? Would he think her cruel?

“Spike and I met as enemies. He was a different person then, one I could not admire. Later, circumstances caused him to change into a better person, but I didn’t see him for what he had become until much later. By then, our relationship had changed, although still friendly, and we were working toward an important common goal…” she broke off.

William looked at her sympathetically. “What happened to him Buffy? Did he die? When you found me you mentioned something…”
Buffy was at a complete loss at how to tell him he was Spike. Or that he was supposed to have become Spike. Or that…she just didn’t know!

“I think he died. We were fighting a major battle. He was the only one who could end it in our favor and he did it. I had hoped though when I saw you that somehow he had survived.”

She began to cry.

Suddenly, Spike’s arms were around her.

“Don’t cry Pet. It sounds like he knew what he was doing and did it willingly. I’m sure he’s fine, wherever he is.”

She stiffened. “I have to go William’

“What is it, Buffy?” Was I too forward? I’m sorry. I know I don’t know you well enough to ask these things but you have been good to me, and I wanted to help. That’s all.”

“No William, it’s okay. I just don’t want to talk about it okay?”

“Alright Buffy.”

She left, and William lay awake lost in his jumbled thoughts. What had just happened? There was something about this woman he had only met today that got to him, but he couldn’t fathom why. She amazed him with her beauty and her resolve – he had never met anyone like her, not even Cecily Underwood. Strong women like Buffy were unheard of in his circles. Cecily had been breathtakingly beautiful, she still was but there was coldness about her that he had not realized until meeting Buffy. Most of the women he had met were expected to act heavy-handed and coy and he had believed this was what Cecily was doing. But Buffy was different. She looked at him as if he were a part of the world, as if he mattered to her, and it got to him. No one save his mother had ever cared about him before. How could he be starting to feel this way about Buffy? All the strength, beauty and concern were fine, but he had just met her! And that look in her eyes wasn’t exactly for him, he thought as his fists clenched, it was for Spike.

Something about Spike (aside from the fact that Buffy had such regard for him) bothered him too. He felt as if there were something he should remember, maybe even someone he should remember but couldn’t. He apparently resembled Spike so much that Buffy and her friends had all been convinced until a little while ago that he was Spike. Was Spike a relative of his? Some distant cousin perhaps? He made a mental note to ask Mum when he went home. As far as he knew they were the only two in his family left, but maybe he was wrong. There was something else however. Everyone had gone silent earlier when he said the date. He hadn’t noticed it then, being overwhelmed, but he wondered about it now. Did they still perhaps think he was Spike with a damaged memory? He knew differently – he remembered everything from his childhood up till now and he had never met any of them until now. So how to convince them? He was getting tired again. This would have to wait until morning.

Buffy tossed and turned all night, bombarded by her memories. Finally at 6 am, she rose and climbed in the shower. Whatever her problems were, she had to be calm right now for William. Hopefully, they could all sort the mess out soon and things would get back to normal. Not that normal was great either. At least this way she got to see him even if he remembered nothing about her. He had surprised her last night by his embrace. It was such a Spike thing to do that she couldn’t stand it. He had called her Pet too, like spike had. She missed him so much. And William wasn’t her Spike.

She finished dressing just as her cell phone rang. It was Giles.

“Buffy, Willow and I have discovered some things. Can you come over here? I don’t want Spike, er William, to overhear.”

Buffy glanced upstairs. William would probably be asleep for a little while longer. The sooner they figured this out, the better for him.

“Sure Giles, I’ll be right there.”

“So what did you guys find out? How did William get here?”

Giles and Willow exchanged glances.

“No, oh no, it’s bad isn’t it? What is it? He came here before he became Spike so none of the other stuff ever happened? Is Glory back? Or the First?” Buffy voiced her worst fears.

“Well not exactly Buffy,” said Willow. “It’s not as bad as all that.”

“What is it then? Is he in danger? Come on, spill!

“Buffy,” Giles said taking her shoulders and sitting her down. “We don’t yet know why he’s here. But according to our research, if this were the same Spike who became a vampire, fought against us, and joined us, we’d be in a different world. We would not have ever met him and yes, the First might still be around. All our memories and records indicate that nothing changed.”

“So then, is he Spike, I mean, our William, at all?”

“We don’t know. I’m inclined to believe he is. All of his clothes and mannerisms resemble what you told us of Spike’s former life as William. He doesn’t seem to be an actor or impostor either. Until we know otherwise, let’s assume so. I also suspect it would be a good idea to ease him into this century since he will probably be here awhile. We should probably explain that he ended up in the future somehow and that we are trying to get him back. Perhaps that will satisfy him until we find out what’s going on. ” Giles said.

“I’d better get back home then. He might be up soon.” Buffy said, picking up her purse.

William was up already. Upon waking he had gone in search of a chamber pot and finding none, he tried to wait. If she doesn’t return soon, I may have to go on the floor…that would be a bloody shame.

He went down to the kitchen. What are these things here? He wondered eyeing the fridge and microwave. Where is the food? Should I touch anything?

He looked around. There was a picture on the wall of a mountain with a calendar beneath it.

2005, it read.

‘2005? What kind of idiot calendar is this? Is it some kind of joke?” he said aloud.

“I’m afraid not William.”

Buffy took a deep breath before continuing.

“You’re in the future. It is 2005.”

She waited for an answer as William turned pale.

“Show me where your chamber pot is. NOW!”

William laughed. “So somehow I ended up in 2005? A full hundred and twenty-five years in the future?”

Buffy nodded.

“Then tell me Pet, how did I get here?” he grinned widely at her.

Pet again… “We’re trying to figure that out.”

“We?”

“You know, me, Giles, Willow – the gang.”

He burst out laughing. “That’s rich! Bloody super joke! You all are talented, I must admit.”

Buffy was stunned. “You…you don’t believe me?”

“Oh, I believe you alright. I believe that you and the gang were bored last night and decided to find some poor bloke to play an elaborate trick on. And I was just the right sort, wasn’t I?”

Buffy cringed hearing the sharp tone in his voice.

“Did they send you? Hamilton, the Thomas brother, hell, most of the elite men in my society have it in for me. I can just see it now. “Let’s play a little game with William the Bloody Bad Poet, boys.” Or maybe it was Cecily. Are you one of her friends then? Was she so embarrassed by my heartfelt sincere declaration that you and she cooked up this scheme to humiliate me? Another lesson showing me that I’m beneath you beautiful, snotty women?”

“Cecily? N-no, I’m n-not her friend.” Buffy stammered.

William’s eyes blazed in anger. “So you do know her then!”

“No. Yes. I mean, I know of her.”

“Know of her? How is it she’s so popular in 2005?” William sneered.

“You were talking in your sleep when I went to checked on you last night.”

William was not convinced. “Okay then, if not Cecily, who hired you?”

“No one William! You really are in 2005. I can prove it to you. Look around you!”

William looked. “You mean all these contraptions? They could be falsified items...” he said, uncertain.

Falsified items? “Oh, and the toilet? Was that fake?” she asked.

“I’ve seen a model of those things. You’ve somehow managed to get a fancier one.”

Buffy was pissed. “Okay then Mr. Lumphead, watch this! She stomped over to the television and turned it on. She then proceeded to turn on the radio at full blast.

William was stumped. What was this? These things seemed beyond a simple joke or even a cruel one, but there was no way he was in the future. Was there?

Buffy returned from the den with her arms full of newspapers. “Look at them.” She demanded.

They were all dated 2005. None of the stories or names were familiar either.

William felt a chill up his back. Could she be telling the truth?

Someone rang the doorbell. Buffy opened it to find Giles, Xander, Willow, and Dawn, all looking anxious. Giles and Willow had apparently filled the others in.

“Did you tell him?” Giles asked Buffy.

“Yeah, he seems to be coming around but not taking it well at all. At first he thought it was a joke.”

Willow nodded. “Anyone would.”

William was walking around the room, a terrified look in his eyes. “William?” called Dawn softly.

“Is this for real?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m afraid it is,” said Giles.

“I…I can’t stay here.” William panicked. “I have to go.”

He rushed past them and out the door before any of them could react.

“William wait!” Buffy yelled, grabbing her coat.

They all went after him.


William felt as if their air had been forcibly squeezed out of his lungs. How could this have happened? He glanced around desperately looking for any sign that it was really a joke. Stores and eateries were all around him, but none he recognized. He kept walking, becoming more upset by the minute. How did he end up here? Could he ever return? Who would care for Mother? Mother was so weak she could hardly get up these days. He felt sick to his stomach. He had to find some way home. He wondered if Buffy and her friends could be trusted. They’d been gracious to him thus far, but how long would they stand it? And why wasn’t his sudden time travel strange to them? Anyone he knew – hell, he himself-would have been a little disconcerted. Did this sort of thing happen often in this century?

“William.” Giles had a hand on his shoulder.

“Look, I appreciate all of your concern but I just need to think right now.”

“I understand, but there are some things you should know.”

William didn’t reply.

“William, we believe that you were sent here.”

“Sent here? For what? What makes you think so?” William demanded.

“I really can’t say yet, we’re working on it. However, there are signs that suggest that you aren’t out of place.”

“What signs?”

“There are records kept by your family that say you lived out your natural life in the late 1800s and early 1900s.”

“I want to see them.”

“Of course, we can go to the library right now if you wish.”

William was staring ahead at something in the distance.

“Fine. I will return here shortly. There is something I must do.”

Giles relented and let him go. He watched as William walked away and then contemplated his own actions. He hated to lie to William this way. While he had never quite been a Spike fan, he had grudgingly understood Buffy’s support of him and later had even felt some gratitude to the vampire for closing the Sunnydale Hellmouth for good. Gratitude and maybe some forgiveness and remorse too. If there was ever a reformed vampire, Spike was he. The worst part of it all had been watching Buffy grieve. He had known long before she had that she loved Spike. Buffy was the closest thing to a daughter he had and his fatherly instinct had told him that. But he had let her make her own decisions; decisions that were correct and that she regretted. He sighed. This was his second chance perhaps. A chance to help the man who had helped save them all. If that meant keeping William in the dark about his days as Spike for now, maybe it would be for the best.

“Giles, any luck?”

Buffy interrupted his thoughts.

“Yes, I told him of the records and he requested a few moments. He went off in that direction.” Giles pointed.

Buffy followed suit. She knew he probably wanted privacy but this was an alien world to him. She saw Spike enter a building and something struck her as odd. Why do I still think of him as Spike? It’s William, damn it! Then her eyes widened. William was entering a church! More importantly, it was the one in her dream. Suddenly feeling woozy, she fainted.


William looked around the church. A large Cross stood at the altar and the evening light was reflected off the stained glass windows. This, finally, was familiar. He was comforted to know that a house of God was always a house of God. He moved closer to the altar and raised his head to look at the paintings on the walls. He had been a steadfast Christian since childhood.

“Welcome my son. I have not seen you here before. Are you new to the area?”

William turned to find the priest behind him.

“Yes I am. My name is William Morgan.”

“Well, my son, you are welcome here. I am Father Timothy. Pardon my saying so, but you look quite troubled. Perhaps I could help. Sometimes the hardest resource to find is an open ear, and at least I can offer you that.”

William studied him. His own priest, Father David, had always been one of his strongest supporters. When he had found out about his mother’s illness, Father David had come to check on them every night, offering prayers and advice. Before that he had often played a fatherly part in William life, as his own was long gone. As a result, William’s belief in the church was profound and his trust in the servants of God complete. But in the space of a day, his whole world had changed and he had no idea how. He was in a completely different time and place, how was he to know who to trust? He sighed. He needed someone, and at least he could explain it in vague terms.

“Father Timothy, I…” He took a deep breath, and then started over. “I am new to the area, having been sent to…” Suddenly, he had an idea.

“I was sent here to do some research, but I am unfamiliar with this place and its customs.”

“You sound English.”

“I…I was born here, but my family moved away when I was young. We lived in…the desert. The, uh, Sahara Desert.” He silently asked God to forgive his lies and hoped that the lie would work.

“The Sahara! And you’ve been away from Civilization?”

“Yes, Father.”

Father Timothy looked at the newcomer. William was lying to him, or at the very least, keeping something from him, but he looked desperate. Perhaps he needed to be patient.

“I see. Well, I would be pleased to explain anything to you. What can I do?”

William began pacing in frustration. “The toasters, the streets, the…chamber pot! What are these inventions? Are they real?”

Father Timothy blinked. What was going on?

“My son,” he said putting his hand on William shoulder. “These are all modern tools, but these you can surely learn. Something else is bothering you.”

William hesitated, then began “I…hit my head, and when I came to I was lying in an alley. All I could remember was my past and that I was sent here for research but I didn’t know how I got there or what happened. Then Buffy came – “

“Buffy?” Father Timothy asked, trying not to show his surprise.

William didn’t notice. “A very strong young lady. You won’t believe this but vampires really exist! And she can fight them! She saved me and then gave me shelter for the night. She and her friends are working to help me…remember what happened.”

Father Timothy nodded. “Vampires are certainly a problem here and Buffy’s one of our greatest protectors.”

“Father Timothy, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, William.”

“I am uncertain about it all, this place, why I’m here, Buffy, why she and her friends are helping me, and – I guess I just don’t know.”

“Understandably. And I could tell you that they are most trustworthy, but really it’s up to you. What does your heart tell you?”

“My heart?”

“The heart often has an intuitive feeling about a person and their motives long before the mind realizes it. What does yours say?”

“I am inclined to trust them but I ..”

“Trust them. Your heart, like the Almighty, will never lead you astray. Perhaps there is a reason that you’re here, one deeper than you know. And perhaps they can help you find it. ”

William relaxed. “Thank you, Father. I will for now.” He turned to leave then turned back, a blush creeping up his face.

“Ah, Father?”

“Yes, my son?”

“Buffy…she is quite pleasing. Is she ah…”

Father Timothy’s eyes twinkled. “I am quite sure she’d be receptive to your friendship and gentlemanly attentions. There has not been someone in her life for quite some time I’m told.”

William walked out whistling.

Buffy was free, and she could be trusted. They’d find out what happened. Maybe she’d even…

“Buffy!” he shouted, running to her.

She was on the ground holding her head.

“I’m okay. Did – did you do what you needed to?” She asked.

“Yes, but what happened?”

She looked at him. He was okay and not angry with her... What did the dream mean then? And then it dawned on her.

“I just felt faint for a moment. It’s been a busy few days. Come on William, let’s find Giles and go.”

“Are you sure you’re alright? He looked so concerned that Buffy’s heart melted. “I’m right about this,” She thought.

“I’m ok William, but will you give me your arm?”

William grinned widely.

“Certainly. But on one condition.”

“Oh?”

“You personally teach me all about 2005 and your strange customs.”

Buffy gave him a teasing look. “And you trust me now, suddenly?”

“Completely. I had a revelation, Luv.”

“Oh?”

“What could it hurt to trust you? You’re the most beautiful and resourceful girl I’ve ever met.” He winked.



Buffy leaned against the door. Her body screamed for rest but her mind was racing again.

Willow and Giles looked at her quizzically. She had insisted that Xander take William grocery shopping, and they knew something was up.

“Ok we know he hasn’t been pulled from the past, so there’s some other way he got here.”

“Right.” Willow agreed.

“So we don’t have to send him back right?”

“I suppose. But what are you getting at Buffy?” Giles asked.

“We’re not going to tell him.”

“Tell him that he doesn’t have to go back? I already sort of did.” Giles said.

“No, that’s not it. We’re not gonna tell him he was Spike. From this moment on, he’s William and always has been William.”