“Hey everyone. Dagwood is in the house!!!!!! This is Dagwood’s House Party and you have just heard “Heart-Shaped Box” by Nirvana. Today, we are giving away five pairs of free tickets to Hawaii. Our listeners will get a chance to play ‘Guess That Tune’ and five winners will receive two free tickets so they and a guest can fly to Hawaii and spend two months in an all expense paid condo right on the beach! So, with no further ado… Let’s play ‘GUESS THAT TUNE’!!!”

* * *

“Hello, this is Dagwood from Dagwood’s House Party. Who am I speaking to?”

“This is Xander from New York City!”

“Okay, Xander. What is this song?”

The green plastic watering can
for a fake Chinese rubber plant
in the fake plastic earth
that she bought from a rubber man
in a town full of rubber plans
to get rid of itself.

“Oh I know this! Work, brain, work. Oh-Oh-Oh! ‘Fake Plastic Trees’!”

“Well, Xander… You better start packing your bags, because that is correct! ‘Fake Plastic Trees’ by Radiohead is the name of that tune! You have just won two tickets to Hawaii! So, who’s is gonna be your lucky guest?”

“Um… there’s a wide variety. I have to choose carefully. Maybe… Spike! Yeah. Spike. I’ll bring Spike.”

“I’m sorry, but the guest has to be a human, not a dog.”

“Spike is a human. It’s a nickname.”

“Okay well Xander and Spike, have fun in Hawaii.”

* * *

“Hello, hello, hello! This is Dagwood from Dagwood’s House Party. Who am I talking to?”

“Hi this is Anya from Nashville, Tennessee! I have to say, Dagwood, you have a very sexy voice. I bet you could give a girl many pleasurable orgasms.”

“Uh. Thanks. Now, name this tune!”

Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend, as an old memory
And I swear that I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun

“Oh I love this song. That’s “Come as You Are”!”

“You better get ready to come as you are, because you have just won two tickets to Hawaii! That was “Come as You Are” by Nirvana! Who are you gonna bring?”

“Faith. She is my only friend who appreciates a good orgasm.”

“Okay, Anya. I’m gonna have to let you go before you convince me to quit my job and become a cabana boy in Hawaii.”

* * *

“Hello, Dagwood here and you’re listening to Dagwood’s House Party. Who’s this?”

“Cordelia. Cordelia Chase. Daughter of Henry Chase. From Orlando, Florida”

“Ok. Well, let’s play. Can you name this catchy song?”

You walk up to her
Ask her to dance
She says, 'Hey baby
I just might take the chance
You say, It's a good thing
That you float in the air (in the air)
That way there's no way
I will crush your pretty
Toenails into a thousand pieces.

“Oh, that’s that weird song by that band with the weird name. Weezer. “Only in Dreams” by Weezer. Do I get to go to Hawaii? I hope so, ‘cause I just bought this new bikini…”

“Yes, Cordelia. That was “Only in Dreams” by Weezer. You get to go to Hawaii and don’t forget to take that bikini. Who are you gonna take with you?”

“Harmony Kendall! She has a new bikini too! But it’s not nearly as fabulous as mine!”

“Woohoo! Bikinis all around. Have fun in Hawaii!”

* * *

“This is the Dagwood’s House Party. Dagwood speaking. We have our next caller on the line. What’s your name, dude?”

“Oz.”

“Oz, are you ready to name that tune?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, here we go…”

In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Smell like I sound I'm lost in a crowd.
And I'm hungry like the wolf.
Straddle the line in discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt I'm after you.
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf

“Ah, classic 80s. That’s “Hungry like the Wolf”.”

“Wow, Oz. You even knew it was 80s. You must be a true music fan. That was “Hungry Like the Wolf” by Duran Duran. Congrats, Oz! You are going to Hawaii! Oh, and who are you bringing?”

“Devon.”

* * *

“Well, folks, we have only one more pair of tickets left. So lucky caller number five, what’s your name?”

“This is Elizabeth from Sunnydale, California.”

“Hi there, Liz. This is Dagwood. Can you please name this tune?”

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door
And listen to you breathing
Its where I wanna be, yeah

“What do ya say, Liz?”

“That’s “Breathing” by Lifehouse.”

“That’s right, Lizzie! You have just earned yourself two tickets to Hawaii. And who will be your lucky guest?”

“My best friend, Willow!”

“Well, I hope you and Willow have a blast in Hawaii.”

* * *

“Well, it’s been fun folks! Congratulations to all five of our winners: Xander, Anya, Cordelia, Oz, and Elizabeth. In one week they and their guests will all be heading to Honolulu, Hawaii to stay at a luxurious condo on a secluded beach, all expenses paid. We hope you all have a fun and safe trip. Now we’ll get back to your requests, but first, here’s “The Red” by Chevelle."