In their six years of marriage, she had never been so sated. They had made love constantly: every night for the past several months. Drusilla did not understand her husband’s sudden increase in sexual appetite, but she did not complain or even mention it for fear it might go away. Spike knew this.

Drusilla, however, did not realize that when they were making love, Spike was far away. Spike was out the window and across the street where a young Buffy Summers lived.

It hadn’t started out as a perversion. More of an accident, really. The Summers family moved in the house next door five months earlier. The usual pleasantries between neighbors occurred well enough. Spike did not concern himself with the youngest of the Summers children at first. She did not seem particularly intriguing or gorgeous at the time; she was just another kid on the block.

Oh, how things had changed.

3 Months Earlier:

“Spike, would you shut the window? I’m cold.” Drusilla whined from the bed.

“Yeah, yeah,” Spike sat up begrudgingly and walked the five feet to the window. He wasn’t expecting to see anything particularly of interest beyond the window. In fact, at first he didn't even look up as he attempted to close the godforsaken window. But the light across the street caught his attention.

What is it, 3am? What is she doing up this late? he mused as he tried to look closer. Just about when his face hit the glass, he saw the most erotic sight of his 27 years: Buffy Summers naked, head lolled back in ecstasy as she rode that boy into oblivion.

Spike couldn’t blink or even move. He just stood there and fogged up the glass with his breath, transfixed on her. He imagined the sound of her moaning and the creak of the bed. He imagined the sweet smell of her hair as it swung back and forth across her back. His sweatpants tightened as a small breeze wafted in the room. Spike remembered for a moment why he was there and once again tried to close the pane.

But Buffy was close; he could feel it.

Spike saw her convulse as she reached her climax. Without thinking, he reached down to ease the pain of his rigid member. He stroked himself as she rocked through the aftershocks of her orgasm. Spike was close himself until the jerk in the bed flipped them over and pounded into her. Although she seemed to be enjoying herself, Spike was overcome by a sudden burst of rage. How dare he block his view?! Again without thinking, Spike smacked his hands against the window, causing it to slide down to a close.

“Are you coming back to bed?” Drusilla asked, most likely on the verge of sleep.

Spike glanced at his wife and then back at the couple, uncertain of how to proceed. He felt so completely drawn to the girl that he had recently dismissed as just another kid. And also, a KID as in a child, you sick pervert.

Realizing they were throwing their clothes back on, Spike took a deep breath and let it go. It was a moment of weakness, nothing more. He left the sight and closed the blinds behind him. He thought that was it: that it was the end.

It wasn’t.

Two nights later, Spike noticed the light on across the street. Against his better judgment, he peered out the window from the edge of his bed. He saw the sordid affair, but this time, it was a different boy. He was surprised by the small strike of anguish that struck him as he watched Buffy throw herself around.

But for some reason, he could not stop himself from reaching down. It was like a compulsion. And it continued to haunt him for two weeks after.

Spike simply could not take it anymore. Every night a new boy graced her bed. Every night she moaned his name in his mind. Every fiber of his being wanted Buffy, wanted to taste her, wanted to take her, be inside her, and every fiber in him knew it was wrong. And that feeling only fueled the fire for her more.

How could those boys possibly know what they were doing? They varied in age, but none could have been more than 22 years old. Although the thought discouraged him slightly, nothing could deter him from the thought of Buffy being his. He knew it could never happen, but every night he wanted her more. Sitting in his office over those two weeks, he seriously considered moving houses just to lose sight of her, but part of him believed he would leave his home nightly to watch her from the street. That prospect seemed even worse.

So, in a moment of desperation, Spike decided to take what was actually his. He made love to his wife for the first time in months. Although it was nothing close to what he imagined it would be like with Buffy, it sated him through the next day. But that night, he could see Buffy clearly through the window as he pounded into Drusilla. He watched Buffy and imagined he was inside her, making her come undone, feeling her slick body against his own.

He felt like a sick pervert, but his wife made a warm body better than his imagination ever could. Spike knew that if he could just possess her once, all of his problems would cease. He just knew it.

But for the next few months, he ignored her call. He bedded his wife over and over again, praying that it would get him through this. But it only helped for a short time. Then he was back to drooling over the girl next door and her newest boy toy.

Present day

Spike decided he had had enough. He was going to talk to Buffy. Tomorrow. The only problem was getting up the courage (and getting through how unbelievably wrong it was to even consider her).

The next day he ate his breakfast, kissed his wife goodbye, and headed off to work. The first bell rang and he ran to get to his class on time. Fortunately for him, Room 103 was located near the front entrance of the school. He made his way to his desk and perused the class. Just as the second bell rang, his eyes met Buffy’s. She smirked at him slightly and he put down the attendance chart.

“Miss Summers, why don’t you read first?”

“Why don’t you start from page 340 of the text book,” Mr. Giles said directly. Buffy did not respond, and instead blankly stared at her teacher. “Is there a problem, Miss Summers?”

“Yes, unfortunately I had a concussion over the weekend and am now tragically illiterate,” she said smiling. A few of the students began to laugh. Mr. Giles, however, did not seem amused in the least.

“Page 340, Miss Summers. And this time without the attitude?” he said, raising a scarred eyebrow at her. Buffy rolled her eyes and mock saluted Mr. Giles. He had been riding her since day one.

When she moved to Sunnydale, Buffy expected a small town with low standards, at least compared to her old school. Hemory High was just too involved in academics for her taste. It wasn’t that she was stupid or even slower than the other students; she just never cared. At Hemory, that was completely unacceptable. Buffy told her parents she was tormented by her brilliant peers; called stupid and worthless by her teachers (though they did not usually use those exact words, she could tell what they really meant). The more pressure she was under, the less motivated she felt to do her schoolwork. After years of begging, her parents let her move schools at the end of her Junior year. They figured it would look a bit better on her college application to have at least a few good grades during her Senior year.

But that wasn’t the whole truth.

It all started with Riley Masterson: captain of the football team, head of mock UN, and all-around most popular guy at Hemory. When Buffy was a lowly Freshman and he was a Junior, he started showing his interest in her. He left her notes on her locker, texted her during classes, and once even left flowers for her on her doorstep. At first, she was thrilled to have someone like Riley wanting to date her. She wrote his name on her notebooks and told all her friends about their future wedding. When they went out on their first date, it was like a dream. They drove to a cliff that overlooked the LA skyline and talked all night. He was her savior.

But one night was all it took for her knight in shining armor to turn into the villain. A few weeks into the relationship, Buffy noticed that every date they had was somewhere remote. At first it didn’t bother her that people weren’t around during their dates, but after a while she began to wonder. Then, she noticed that when she waved to Riley in the hallways between classes, he ignored her. Sure, he texted and left notes, but he never called or took her out to a restaurant; never once asked to show her off or meet his friends, even.

One day after school, Buffy called him out on it. The mistake wasn’t in saying what she had to say; the mistake was saying it in front of his friends. His jerk buddies made fun of her as she poured out her heart.

That day after school, Riley yelled at her in the parking lot and called her a whore, amongst other names. Buffy cried and ran all the way home. She found out later that Riley had been hiding her away. Embarrassed to be seen with her, he lied to his friends about the nature of their relationship. When they mentioned Buffy waving at him, he told them that he fucked her behind the football field after practice; that she was an easy lay.

The next few years at Hemory had been pure hell. Out of anger, she lost her virginity to a guy in her P.E. class who hadn’t bothered to learn her name before or afterwards. After him, Buffy slept with half the school. In her mind, she was settling the score; trying to make Riley jealous. And maybe Riley had been jealous, at least for a little while. But it could not have been long before he realized the joke she had become and forgot about her.

The kids at school called her names. She was the school slut and she knew it, but she couldn’t stop. It turned into a drug and she couldn’t get enough, no matter how hard it was to face the other students. She left Hemory without a single friend.

Buffy hadn’t lied to her parents about being tormented at school.

For the most part, Buffy did well at Sunnydale High School. She actually did her homework and followed through with studying. Everything was just peachy except for Mr. Giles’ English class. He simply refused to let her succeed. Buffy knew that if he could lose the bug up his ass, she could do pretty well. She even looked over at a few of her classmate’s papers and they received twice the grades she did. Even Cordelia Chase beat her by a grade and a half, this being the girl who, when asked for examples of new inventions in History of the US, exclaimed “the wheel!”

What was his deal?

“…Therefore, when Shakespeare states,

‘Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.’

he means to convey his view of life through Macbeth’s eyes.” Buffy finished and looked up at Mr. Giles. She meant to give him a challenging look, but she knew she probably only succeeded in looking tired at best.

“And what did Shakespeare mean by those words?” he asked Buffy. She hesitated for a moment.

“It means what the author says it means.”

“And what is that?”

“To…’convey his view of life thr-“

“No!” Mr. Giles interrupted her “What does it mean to you?”

“I Don’t Know!” Buffy felt like he was attacking her personally. “What do you want me to say?!” Buffy stood up at her desk against her better judgment, “What do you want from me?!”

The room turned silent. A few of the students gasped in the corner as Mr. Giles jaw seemed to tick in anger, but he remained quiet. Buffy looked around the room and sat back down, her face bright red. Everyone knew of William Giles’ reputation: he was kind and understanding when he wanted to be, but when he was angry… his temper was legendary. Rumors sped around the school that he once stuck a knife in a table, right in front of Principal Snyder and threatened his life just for changing a book on the curriculum. However, no one had seen him act that way toward a student before.

“I apologize, Miss Summers,” Mr. Giles began, “for asking you questions that are apparently too difficult for you to answer. In the future, however, I would prefer it if you held your tongue instead of another outburst of adolescent aggression. Are we clear?”

Buffy narrowed her eyes, furious at how he treated her. He stared her down for a moment, and nodded to himself.

“Good. Now, can anyone else answer the question?” he said, staring directly at Buffy for effect. She crossed her arms and mumbled to herself. “What was that?” he asked, still focused on her. “I said what was-“

“I called you an asshole,” she paused for her own effect and smiled, “Sir.” When Mr. Giles smiled as if he had won, it immediately wiped hers off her face.

“See me after school,” another pause, “Buffy.” After a momentary staring contest, his happy and playful, hers wide-eyed and nervous, Mr. Giles continued. “Now, who can answer this simple question? What did Shakespeare mean by those words?”

The rest of the class went by monotonously. A few brave souls raised their hands to answer every question as the rest stared into space. Sometimes Spike really thought he picked the wrong profession. The kids didn’t really seem to care about the literature that he held in such high esteem. He couldn’t blame them; after all, he felt that way about science when he was growing up in London.

It seemed English wasn’t for everyone, particularly Americans.

Spike felt like a ponce for treating Buffy the way he did. He knew it was wrong and felt badly about embarrassing her, but what could he do? He needed a reason to keep her after school and if that’s what it took to get her there then he was willing. Today was the day. He wasn’t sure exactly how to go about pursuing a student, but he didn’t think it would be too difficult. After all, he wasn’t much older than her and she seemed to be moderately promiscuous anyway.

The real trouble was the potential consequences of his actions. He went through every possible scenario and outcome of a relationship with Buffy, but he couldn’t help it. Spike ached for her. Seeing her through his window every night made his blood boil and just the thought of it made him close his eyes want. Oh how he wanted her.

So the school be damned, the legal system be damned, his wife…

He did feel badly about his wife. He had never been unfaithful to her. Before Buffy, he never seriously considered the idea. But things had changed and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

It wasn’t that he didn’t care about his wife. In the beginning, he and Drusilla were a power couple. They were the relationship that everyone wanted, that everyone was jealous of. But when Dru got pregnant, it was time to step up and be a man: to marry the girl at twenty-one years old…

Spike shook off the memory and glanced at the clock. 2:26. Four minutes to go. Oh shit, oh shit, what am I going to say? What the hell am I doing? This is bad, oh god this is a bad idea…

But Buffy had looked delicious that morning. Her white tank top, black mini skirt and red sweater (his favorite color) had done the trick. Spike looked down at his light blue, pinstriped collar shirt and khakis and sighed. God knows he never would have worn something so “establishment” back in his day. Spike felt about a hundred years old and a million miles away from where he started.

Spike sighed again and looked at the clock. Only one minute passed since his previous glance. Running his hands through his lightly gelled hair, Spike continued to consider the mistakes he made and the mistake he was about to make. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to set his mind straight, but only succeeded in getting bits of crusted gel in his eye. Angrily, Spike rushed over to the sink to wash it out before Buffy arrived.

…………………………………….

The bell rang and Buffy slowly zipped up her backpack. She was not looking forward to being yelled at by Mr. Giles. Buffy sighed as she swung her backpack on. She glanced at the clock and realized she would be late to their appointment.

“Damn it, now he’s gonna be pissed,” she mumbled to herself as she pushed out the door and ran to his classroom.

Huffing and puffing, she finally made it to his door. Buffy knocked and sighed again as she opened it.

“Argh!” cried a voice in the corner near the sink. Tilting her head to the right, Buffy admired the marvelous ass in front of her. For a moment she stood there, unmoving, mesmerized by the sight. Why had she never noticed this before? It was possibly because he rarely wrote on the board and didn’t bend over often to show his posterior to the class.

“Damn shame, if you ask me,” Buffy said to herself, quietly.

“Hmm?” he said as he blindly reached for a paper towel. Buffy shook off the image, tore off a piece and handed it to him. “Thank you,” he said muffled with his face buried in the towel. When he looked up, he seemed surprised and fearful for a small moment. Then he immediately returned to his calm, cold state. Maybe Buffy hallucinated the look; after all, his eyes were bloodshot from washing them. But for a second, she was lost in the blue of his eyes.

He wasn’t too bad to look at. Who am I kidding? He’s gorgeous! What, with the cheekbones and those electric eyes and his hair, shining blond and white…

Buffy always found Mr. Giles attractive, but he thought of her as a child. She knew because he treated her like an idiot five-year old. She reminded herself it was about time for the yelling to start.

So why did he stay quiet?

“Look, Mr. Giles, I’m sorry about today,” she began tiredly and not entirely sincerely. “I didn’t mean what I said and… I don’t know, whatever else you want me to say. We good?” she smiled hopefully.

“Miss Summers…” Mr. Giles stared down at his desk as if contemplating something very important. Buffy hoped he wasn’t going to call her parents; they would have a field day. “I didn’t call you in here to talk about what happened in class. Well, I mean, maybe it has to do with that a little, but that’s not the point… The point is–“ He looked up at her, now apparently at a loss for words. Buffy leaned against a desk in front of him and raised her eyebrow.

Jesus Christ, her skirt is lifting up. Dumb desks and smooth tan legs… Spike thought. His mouth went dry and he couldn’t think of a single thing to say. He practiced his speech over a hundred times, but his mind was a blank in the face of her exposed skin.

“Um… Mr. Giles? Are you, uh, ok?” Buffy asked, genuinely concerned.

“Buffy–“

“Ooh, that’s the first time you’ve ever said my name I think,” she said with a cocky smile. The corners of his mouth lifted ever so slightly. Then, stood up and leaned against his own desk.

“I wanted to ask you if… well, I wanted to know…Why do you wear such short skirts?!” Her legs had crossed mid sentence, catching his attention and removing his train of thought. To say Buffy looked surprised was an understatement.

“Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean–“

“I mean, you always wear these revealing clothes in my class and I don’… Why do you do that?” He asked abruptly, barely able to make sense. Spike wanted her and there she was, basically flashing herself in front of him. It was more than he could take and sent his brain into hyper drive.

“You can’t just cover up… those lovely legs…” he couldn’t stop himself as he looked down at her tanned limbs; he reached for her. Buffy didn’t know what else to do, so she sat there stunned as he grasped her muscular thighs. He stroked them lightly as he looked up into her doe-eyes. “Do you understand what I am saying, luv?” he said, his voice hoarse with lust. Buffy shuddered from the contact and from his closeness. She didn’t know what kind of trick he was torturing her with, but it was working. As she stared into the depths of his blue eyes, she wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

For a moment, they both forgot they were teacher and student; for a moment they forgot the rest of world and just stared at one another, neither able to move. After what felt like a century of tension, Spike leaned in and kissed her. Her lips tasted like ripe peaches and immediately accommodated his. She moved to deepen the kiss, but Spike opened his eyes and realized what he had done.

Spike gaped at Buffy, legs half-splayed open and breathing labored, eyes half closed and wanting. He let go of her luscious legs and stumbled back, unable to look at her. Almost falling, he scrambled to get behind his desk and grabbed his briefcase and coat. With one last glance at her reddened face and wide eyes, Spike bolted out of the room.

“Huh?” she asked the empty classroom.

“Huh?” she asked the empty classroom.

Buffy stared into space and tried to go over the last few minutes in her head. What happened? With the kissing and the closeness… What was that?! Not that she minded. In fact, she could have done with a little more action. It didn’t even matter that he was her teacher… the age difference couldn’t be too much, could it?

…………………………………….

“Stupid. Wanker. Idiot.” Spike banged his head against a locker between words. “Imbecile. Leaving. Buffy. Like. Tha–“ Then it hit him harder than the locker: he just left her. He just LEFT her in that classroom!

What if she told another teacher? Or told her classmates and it got back to Principal Snyder, and he got fired and sent to jail for sexual assault? Spike’s panic attack reached new heights as he started pacing the empty hallway. What if she thinks she imagined it? Or now hates my guts and will act out in class? Use it as blackmail over my head! Back to banging his head on the locker, he exclaimed, “Wanker! Bastard! Asshole! Jerk! Stupid idiot!” Lifting his head, his eyes shifted across the hallway. He had to get back there and stop Buffy from doing something regretful. He ran like hell back to the classroom, praying she’d be there.

Spike burst open the door. All the air was sucked out of his body when the found the lights off and the classroom empty.

“Fuck,” he yelled as he slammed the door shut. He turned around only to find a petrified redhead staring at him, her jaw wide open. “What?!” he cried out, feeling like a little boy with a temper tantrum.

“You’re head, it's uh… bruised?”

“What?” he said more to himself than to her. Spike felt his forehead.

“It’s n-n-nothing, Mr. Giles. I was on my way… I’m just now going home… so I’m gonna just do that now…” she stuttered as she walked away.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I’m in deep shit. Sulking with his head hung low, Spike followed after her to the front doors.

…………………………………….

Buffy walked home alone, which wasn’t typical for her. Usually, she had some guy walk her or drive her or even Willow, one of her two person-wide friend circle at Sunnydale High. But this day was different and she felt the need to walk alone.

As she reached her front door, Buffy turned and faced the house across the street. She knew it belonged to Mr. Giles and his insane, agoraphobic wife who never left the house. Maybe he was home by now. She wondered what that scene in the classroom was about.

Did he want me? Buffy smiled at that. She most certainly wouldn’t have said no, but he was a teacher for crying out loud. How many boundaries could she possibly push before losing all dignity? Sighing in defeat, she opened her front door and went inside.

If he did want her, he clearly didn’t know what to do about. Oh, he knew what he was doing; she could tell by their kiss. But maybe he needed some courage?

A terrible plan started forming in her head, but she swatted it away. No! The amount of trouble she’d be in, not to mention the consequences for him, would be catastrophic. But it would be fun… She wanted him now and he wouldn’t leave her mind.

And maybe no one would find out?

Without feeling the same level of assuredness she normally felt when deciding to sleep with someone, Buffy made the decision. She would test the waters with Mr. Giles and see how he responded. He’d make the decision for her. After all, she was young and impressionable. Buffy giggled to herself as she developed her plan. A part of her still nagged that it was a bad idea, but now she was curious about this Mr. Giles. She carefully walked up the stairs to her room and lay on her bed.

Buffy turned on her side and glanced out the window. It would get cold soon; well, as cold as it could get in sunny California. A bird chirped at her windowsill and she walked over to it. It was then that she noticed something she really should have seen before.

His window. And how his window stared directly into hers. And how she never closed her curtains all the way; it was mostly out of laziness, but still.

Then, it hit her like a brick to the face: he saw her with other boys. It never occurred before that he could have been watching her. After all, she only moved to Sunnydale a few months prior. How could she have known? Buffy was mortified. So that’s why he liked her! He thought she was just a big dumb slut who would sleep with any boy in town. He must have thought he’d have as good a chance as any! That… that asshole!

Oh, she’d show him. Scratch the first plan. Time for a new one: torture the jerk until his privates go blue. Buffy smiled slightly at the idea, but lay back on her bed with a sigh. Why did everyone always come to that conclusion? She knew she slept around, probably more than most girls her age, but it didn’t mean she was a whore. It didn’t mean she was the stupid bimbo everyone took her for.

For a moment there, she really thought he liked her. She was surprised by the sadness that overtook her. It was true, she could blackmail him or torture him, but what would that do?

Buffy looked out the window again and sighed. She imagined him staring into her window, watching her fucking. Her eyes narrowed. It wasn’t fair! How dare he watch her and then, come onto her based on his assumptions!

Perhaps a little torture was in order, if for no other reason than to make him realize the ass he’d been.

Even if his ass was a masterpiece of its own right.

When Spike got home, he graded papers at his desk for hours. He couldn’t bear going up to his room in case he could see her through the window. He didn’t even think he could bear watching her with another boy. Jealousy ripped through him like a flare. He wiped the stack of pages off his desk and put his head in his hands. Rubbing at his newly bruised forehead gave him a headache.

How could he be so stupid?!

Spike took a deep breath for what seemed like the millionth time that day and began to clean up the mess. He heard a loud pounding upstairs and just couldn’t be bothered to deal with Dru. Her fits were getting worse and with the pressure of the day… he knew it was better to stay at his desk until she settled down.

He remembered the day Dru said she’d marry him and a chill crept up his spine.

His life wasn’t supposed to be like this: grading high school papers in a mausoleum masked as a home, yearning after some pint-sized blond. He saw his future flash before his eyes and shuddered at its bleakness. Spike glared at the ceiling and visualized his wife, mocking him through the floorboards. He should have ignored her cries that day; he should have known better.

After he’d finished grading every single paper, tweaking his lesson plans for a month ahead of time, and a series of other tedious tasks, Spike finally shut off the light and headed upstairs. Buffy would be asleep in her bed by now and hopefully so would Dru. He could get a decent sleep for once.

Turning the doorknob slowly as not to make noise, Spike opened the door to an empty room.

“Dru?” he whispered. No one answered. “Drusilla?” he said a little louder this time. Something banged from the attic: an answer. She was probably sleeping in the attic again; something she did when she felt the bedroom was haunted. Spike sighed and shook his head, which was a motion he was getting used to doing.

As he readied himself for bed, Spike glanced at the window and considered closing the blinds. That temptress of a window needed to be closed before he watched her again. With a shaking hand, Spike moved to close them, but stopped when he noticed the light on across the street.

I will not look. I will not look. I will close these blinds and get to sleep, went his mantra as his hand remained attached to the string. Maybe just a small peak? She could be doing homework or something equally innocent. Spike scoffed.

It seemed pretty unlikely.

And yet his eyes moved of their own accord to face her window. Spike peaked at Buffy as she readied herself for bed in the most agonizing dance of his life. She slowly, tantalizingly lifted her tank top off, leaving her in nothing but red panties. Without a scrap of material covering her pert breasts, her body glowed in the moonlight.

Her slender hands slipped down her neck and caressed her nipples as she stared at what Spike assumed was her mirror. Her other hand slid down the taut plane of her stomach and across her thigh.

Spike erection became painful thinking that he’d touched her there only hours earlier. Her fingers danced lightly across the bit of lace between her legs. Oh, how he wished he were that hand. He imagined himself kneeling before her, slowly edging the material down and inhaling deeply of her scent. Slowly nuzzling and licking at her naked form as it was revealed to him. Only for him.

His eyes glazed over in thought.

If given the chance, he would bring his goddess to climax over and over again. He would worship her every curve, memorize every scent and taste of her. She would dance for him and no one else.

Spike watched as she dipped two fingers below the waist of her panties, and similarly slid his hand down and stroked his throbbing cock. His eyes rolled back in his head as some of the pressure was released.

He moaned softly as she closed her eyes and touched herself. She kneaded her breast so willingly, knowing exactly what she was doing with each movement of her hands. As her arm moved faster, back and forth, her other hand abandoned her chest and roughed up her hair. So, kitten likes it a little rough, he thought as he sped up stroking himself.

His quiet moaning became panting and groaning as she got closer and closer to completion. Her head rolled over her shaking shoulders, her limbs buckled under her small frame, her mouth parted the same way he saw it after he’d kissed her luscious, sweet lips. It was all too much to bear. Seventeen years old, seventeen years old he repeated mentally to stop touching himself. It didn’t work; nothing did. It always felt so wrong, but it felt to good to stop. He rubbed faster and faster, imagining her body, slick and soft, writhing beneath him, wanton and wanting,

Spike came with a shout. He continued to stroke himself as he went soft. Spent and tired, he looked once more through the window to see the satisfaction on her face.

That glorious face turned around and looked at him directly; with a saucy smile and a wink, she closed the curtains. Spike was in such a state of shock that he couldn’t move. Time stood still and so did he: mouth open, eyes wide, and dick out.

“That bloody bitch!” he yelled at the blinded window. Spike kicked the wall for good measure, but stubbed his toe and hobbled back to the bed. “Or am I just a bloody bastard…” Shaking his head, he contemplated the bad decisions he was about to make. He smiled lightly at the floor.

Oh, we’re gonna have a confrontation Summers.

He imagined her replying, “Count on it,” with one of her wicked smiles.

Across the street, Buffy lay on her bed distraught. She knew they’d have it out tomorrow; if she knew anything about the man, it was that he was quick to action. But how would she handle it? She didn’t know; she hadn’t thought much beyond the striptease part of the plan.

Mid-sentence, Spike stopped and stared at Buffy as she wandered into the classroom ten minutes late. The students would expect him to rag on her, send her to the principal’s office, something. But he would do no such thing. He continued with his sentence and started writing on the board.

Although he held the façade of an upstanding teacher, he faced the board because he couldn’t face her. Spike didn’t want to see her smirk and wink, nor did he want to see her eyes red and sick with worry over what she’d done. He figured the former was more likely, but still. It wasn’t fair to the poor girl that he was such a monster.

He knew he had to turn around eventually, but avoided it at all costs.

Buffy, however, was enjoying the view. Finally, he was displaying his fine buttocks to the class. She noticed two other girls giggling at the sight and glared at them. She felt a small pang of possessiveness take over, but shook it away. Her feelings rocked back and forth so quickly she was starting to feel sick. Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice Mr. Giles had said something to her.

“Hmm?”

“I said,” Mr. Giles continued, “to see me after school. I will not accept lateness in this class.” He refused to look at her when he said it and for some reason that pissed her off. She grumbled to herself as he continued the lesson.

…………………………………….

After school, Buffy pushed into the classroom exactly on time. She could tell Mr. Giles almost commended her for it, but knew that their meeting was not about her tardiness.

“So…” he began.

“So…?”

“So, last night did you… was that… what was that exactly?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, sorry.”

“You know damn well…” Spike sighed. He was terrible at keeping his meetings with Buffy calm. “That little incident last night…”

“I thought I was here because I was late to-“

“Don’ play games, Buffy, you know right well what I’m talking about!”

“Fine! I stripped and you watched, end of story.”

“Not end of story! What do you want from me, Buffy? You kissed me yesterday, you stripped for me last night, you-“

“You kissed me.” Buffy said to him, poking him in the chest with every word.

“What?! What do you mean, I kissed you?” he replied, angered.

“What do you mean, what do I mean? I mean what I said. I said you kissed-“

“You held my head, you moved it closer… you kissed me Buffy!”

“I didn’t strip for you I just… I was just doing that on my own anyway!”

“Yes you did, cause you winked

“I did no such thing!”

“You did too!” he retorted.

“What, are you twelve? You are supposed to be the adult here! You are the one responsible, remember?!”

“Oh that’s how you’re going to play this, hmm? Going to play the confused child when we both know you’re better than that?” Buffy said nothing for a moment, allowing hope to bloom in her chest. “We both know you’re the temptress here!” That hope died.

“Temptress?!”

“You are the most unbelievable… Ugh! Who do you think you are?” Buffy poked him in the chest again with each word until he reached the edge of his desk. He sat down partially because there was nowhere else to go and partially because he was a little afraid. “I know you watched me all those times with all those boys and you think you’re the innocent one here?! I’m seventeen years old! I-“

“Luv-“

“Don’t you dare interrupt me,” Buffy said furiously. “I may be young, but I’m not stupid and I know what you’re trying to do. You think I like what people say about me, what you probably think of me? You watched me do things… without my knowledge, without my say in the matter, and I’m the temptress? Why? Because I left my window shades open? It wasn’t exactly an invitation, Spike. Maybe I tempted you but that’s all on your shoulders. You can’t handle me being around you? Tough, that’s your problem. You’re the one who kissed me!”

Spike didn’t say anything as Buffy tried to regain her breath. Her anger dissipated quickly, leading to an unexpected look of sadness. It marred the soft lines of her cheeks and mouth. He felt like even more of a complete ass than earlier. And she was right: he kissed her. He started it.

He really was a monster.

“Buffy, I-“

“Forget it,” she said sniffling slightly. Spike looked down at the tiled floor ashamed of himself and his actions. He never should have kissed her.

Spike looked up to her, ready to apologize, but stopped when he noticed the gentle curve of her lips. He wanted to look away but he was drawn to them. His heart pounded in his chest, throbbing as if it was somehow trying to get closer to her. Spike gently lifted a fallen strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear. She glanced at him and looked down at the floor.

“What do you want from me?” she whispered to the tiles. When he said nothing, she looked into the depths of his eyes and asked again. She tried to read his expression, but he didn’t give a single thought away.

“I just want you,” he said quietly. “You said I watched you. Well, I did; I watched you give yourself away for months. Don’ you think I tried to stop? I wanted to… to hate you, but it only made it worse. I tried, oh I tried everything I could think of to get you off my mind, but you stuck there like the stubborn bint you are,” Spike smiled slightly to himself. “It wasn’t supposed to cause you any harm. I was just a weak man; I am a weak man because even now all I want to do is have you. And I know it’s wrong, I do. I just,” he sighed heavily, “don’ care.”

She contemplated his words in silence.

“What are you thinking?” he said a little nervously.

“This is all… a little heavy for me to process.” It wasn’t the answer he was expecting or wanting, but at least it was an answer.

“I… I understand. Why don’ you take some time to-“

“No I… I, um, yeah that’s probably a good idea. I’ll just… go.” Buffy walked toward the door with her head hung low. Spike put his head in his hands as it slammed shut.

What did I do now!

“Wanker!” he yelled at the empty classroom. Suddenly, the door burst opened and a slightly teary-eyed Buffy ran into his arms and kissed him.

He immediately responded moving his lips against hers. Her passion for him was evident through her movements while his was evident through the material of her skirt. Spike left her mouth and nipped at her neck.

“What… what are you doing?” Buffy breathed.

“I’m kissing you,” he spoke huskily as he lightly dragged his lips across her tender neck. He drew a light pattern with his tongue and was rewarded with a soft sigh.

“I told you so.”

“Told me what?”

“That you were the one who kissed me,” she chuckled.

“Oh, but I want to do so much more than that,” he said roughly as he turned them around and leaned her against his desk. Her smell aggravated his senses and he simply could not contain himself. His mischievous hand worked its way to her lower back while the other stroked her thigh. The softness of her skin made him want to touch her wholly, to feel the smoothness of the rest of her. His imagination ran away as the primitive inside him took over.

He kissed her, hard and passionate. The girl was such a goddess. He wanted her and she was his. Even if it meant it was only for a moment, she was his.

“Mine!” he growled as he toppled over her against his desk. He couldn’t remember how many times he imagined them fucking on his desk, papers flying everywhere, her calling him Spike and him punishing her for it.

The electricity pulsing through Buffy’s every nerve overwhelmed her. Every move he made set a fire in her and all she wanted to do was… well, him. She wanted to follow through with her plan but was finding it exceedingly difficult to do so.

When she left his office, her plan was to leave him there wanting her. To let him fret about it for a few days, maybe even give him a show. The point was to give him the bluest balls on planet earth. Unfortunately, it took her five seconds to decide to forfeit the plan and go for him instead. Her determination only took her so far when it came to sex.

“Mmm, Spike,” she breathed heavily in his ear.

“What are you doing to me?” he gasped as her fingernails traipsed up his back. He kissed her again, roughly and deeply. He wanted to be inside her; wanted any part of her. One of his hands tore at the hem of her skirt and rubbed at her dripping panties. “Ah ah ah Miss Summers, did I tell you this was allowed?” He turned her over until she was bent over his desk.

“This is unacceptable behavior from a student,” he said, massaging his way below the lacy material.

“How will you punish me?” she said, whipping her long hair around to face him. Spike was glad she was enjoying the game as much as he was. “How naughty do I have to be to receive the full punishment?” Spike spanked her with his palm and teased her by lightly caressing the reddened area. Buffy had never been so turned on in her life and moaned under his ministrations. He leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“When I’m through with you, you’ll wish-“ he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Buffy and Spike looked up petrified.

“Mr. Giles,” said a familiar female voice, “I’d like to talk to you about-“

“Can’t it wait?!” he said, a little angrier than he wanted to sound.

“No, not really. This is a somewhat urgent matter. Please come to the office; all the teachers are going there.” He heard the clacking of her heels on the tiles. The moment the classroom was silent, Spike flipped Buffy to face him and kissed her.

“No where were we?” he said with a smile.

“What about… oh god,” he lightly dragged his teeth down her neck as his hand resumed it motion under her skirts. “What about the meeting?”

“Wouldn’t be the first I’ve missed,” he responded to her collarbone. Buffy’s legs wrapped around his torso as she quickly undid his belt and pants. No underwear… interesting.

He rubbed his length against her, circling her clit but never quite touching it. “William, c’mon.” Spike swatted her pussy and she groaned an incoherent response.

“It’s Mr. Giles in this classroom,” he said as he lined up to her entrance and thrust in. Buffy’s head lolled back.

“Uhn, you feel so full,” she mumbled. Spike groaned in response as he pulled almost all the way out and thrust quickly.

“I want you so much.”

“Uhn, keep doing that,” she said and he moved faster. In the heat of the moment, Spike forgot himself and ripped open her shirt. He needed more of her and touched everywhere he could.

Their coupling grew frantic as the desk groaned in accompaniment. Spike tried to stifle her moans by kissing her luscious mouth.

“You feel so good, I can’t hold off for much longer.” Rubbing her clit mercilessly, he moved in and bit her neck. “Come for me,” he breathed heavily.

Buffy cried out her climax and Spike soon followed. He collapsed on top of her heaving bosom.

“Wow,” she said.

Feeling an awkward closeness, Spike pulled out of her and cleaned himself off. He then went to the paper towels and leant them to her in silence. They put their clothes on, unable to look at each other. No part of Spike wanted to have the talk, but he knew it was time. Buffy leaned against the desk.

“Buffy-“

“We should probably talk, but first can I borrow a shirt or something?”

“Um… let me see if there is something in the lost and found. Why don’t you… just wear my jacket for now.” Buffy gratefully put on the blazer over her tattered clothing. Spike left the room and headed to the lost and found box. He hoped that the meeting in the office was over so he could grab a shirt and head back to the classroom without being noticed.

Luckily, he was able to sneak past them. In listening to the conversation, it sounded like a kid had brought a butter knife to school and it was some big deal. Spike rolled his eyes. He found a t-shirt and ran back. Buffy hadn’t moved from her position. She gave a quick nod of acknowledgement as she put it on. He sat in the chair at his desk.

“So…”

“So.”

“Look,” Buffy began, “I have to go. But I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“But I-“

“Let’s just… sleep on it. We’ll talk tomorrow,” she said with pleading eyes. Spike nodded and she smiled a little at him. Then she walked out the door.

Spike banged his head against the desk.

…………………………………….

Once it was dark out, Spike drove home. When he got there, he quietly crept into the house. He tiptoed up the stairs to his bedroom, and hoped that Dru was already asleep.

“I see her all over you,” said a voice in the darkened corner. So much for hoping.

“What? Dru, you’re being ridicu-“

“Don’t lie to me!” she yelled. Dru slowly walked forward until she was outlined by the moonlight, terrifying and beautiful. Spike shut his mouth. “I see her, that girl, crawling over your skin like a rash, pin prickling and giving you goosebumps even when she’s not around. Like a disease in your heart, blooming and spreading til it courses through you.” Spike was used to her rambling, but even in its jumbled rhythm he hadn’t heard her speak so coherently in years. She prowled closer to him. “I see it; see it glowing. Why did you never glow for me, Spike? Tell me why?”

Spike was at a loss for words. How could he respond to that?

“Dru I-“

“No excuses!” she shrieked. “I see them lining up in your head to be told, one after another, to ride the spinning teacups out your mouth. No! Tell me why!”

“I don’t know!”

“Tell me!”

“I don’t know what you want me to say!”

“Tell me, Spike! Say it!” her shrieks began to quiet as they broke with her tears. “Tell me why you love her and not me! I’m your wife! You are supposed to love the one you wed! Why do you want her-“

“Because she’s sane, Dru! Because she’s beautiful and young and, and fuckin sane, for Christ’s sake! She’s sunshine and you’re the darkness that’s taking me under one day at a time!” He screamed at her. He wanted to stop the terrible words coming out of his mouth, but he couldn’t. She collapsed and sobbed on the ground.

“I haven’t written in months, in years, because you took it away from me. My passion, my love, my light: it’s all gone and you drowned with it. This is what I have left! This is what I am now. Take a good look. Look at me!” Spike lifted her head to face him, but was horrified by what he found. Her tear-splotched cheeks and red-rimmed eyes stared at him in terror and anguish. Spike couldn’t believe he’d caused so much pain. He had loved her once.

What had he become?

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

“What? Is that true?” he asked, his eyes welling with tears.

“Would it matter?”

“What kind of… Of course it would matter!”

“No, no, it would not because you don’t love me anymore.”

“Dru, is this a game to you?!”

“Not like the first time.” She started chuckling to herself.

“Stop laughing! If you are pregnant than we… What do you mean, not like the first time?” His question was met with giggles. “Dru! Answer the question! What do you mean…?” And suddenly it all made sense.

Fury shuddered up and down his spine. Spike stood up and threw a night table against the wall, shattering it to pieces. Dru stopped laughing.

“You… you played me! You fucking… you played me like the fool I am. How could I… how could you. How could you, Dru?!”

“No... Spike, please, listen to me,” she pleaded on her knees.

“I’m done listening.” Spike turned and almost walked out the door when he heard her cry out.

“But the baby, Spike. It’s there, I swear it is…” He stopped in the doorway, unable to cope. Spike slammed his fist into the wall, breaking his knuckles, and began to laugh.

“Looks like a good way to bring me closer to you, pet. Make me crazy like you,” he said as he stopped chuckling. Spike couldn’t face her. “Or did I do this to you?” he said more to himself than to her.

Dru whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” over and over again to deaf ears. Spike let himself slide down the wall to the floor and ran his hands through his hair.

“Dru, look at me,” he said softly. She mournfully did as she was told. “Are you telling me the truth? Are you pregnant?” Dru nodded and Spike sighed and nodded as well.

“I love you, Spike,” she said desperately. Spike stood, went downstairs and outside, blaming himself for everything.

He closed the door quietly, walked directly to nearest tree in his yard and smacked his head against it. He noticed he was doing that more and more since he met Buffy. There was a sudden banging sound from the attic and he knew Dru was at it again.

“Are… are you okay?” said a soft voice behind him. Buffy stood a few feet away, and as he turned to face her, he could have sworn she was an angel in the moonlight. “I… I saw you fighting through the window and then I saw you leave… What happened?” He would have laughed but her eyes were so full of gentle concern he couldn’t bare it. Sliding down to the ground, he watched her kneel down beside him. Spike didn’t realize that he was crying until she came a little closer and wiped a tear away.

“Complicated adult things, Buffy.”

“Don’t treat me like a child!” she spoke a little louder. “Tell me.”

“Buffy, I got married when I was twenty-one. That would be four years from now, for you. Do you understand that? Twenty-one and I didn’t have a clue. So when Dru got pregnant, I was… I was the upstanding guy; the one who married her to save her. And then she… she lost it and I…” Spike choked on his words. “I couldn’t just leave her. What kind of person could do that? So, I stayed like a good man would. Six years, Buffy, and every year I wanted kids less and less. With her background… she’s schizophrenic amongst other things. What if our kids developed it? What if she got worse and h-hurt them or herself? And now she tells me it was all a lie.”

“Her schizophrenia?”

“No, the baby. It wasn’t real and I married her. She used it as an excuse to keep me around. She knew I never loved her, she knew… and she played me to stay with her. And now she’s-“ Spike stopped himself and looked over at Buffy. It seemed like she was processing it all right, but he couldn’t share anymore. He was exhausted.

“She’s what?”

“I… I can’t do this anymore, this isn’t right Buffy. We could get in a lot of trouble-“ Buffy held up two fingers to his mouth.

“Shhh.” Spike stopped talk and looked at her with bloodshot eyes. “Stay with me tonight.”

“What?”

“Come home with me. Stay with me. Just for tonight.”

“Your parents-“

“Aren’t home until tomorrow afternoon. We don’t have to, you know, do anything. Let me… let me help?”

“There’s no help for me.”

“Let me try.” Buffy stood up and held her hand out. Too tired to think, Spike grasped at the hand and got to his feet. Hand in hand they walked across the street to Buffy’s house.

A few hours earlier:

Buffy leaned against the desk as she clasped her teacher’s blazer tighter over her chest. What was happening to her? Every plan she had failed miserably because she couldn’t keep it together. She knew they really needed to talk about what they were doing but she needed time to figure things out herself.

Then he came back and she made some lame excuse to not have the talk. She felt bad for leaving in that state, but what else could she do?

Buffy was about to walk home alone again when she saw Willow heading out the front doors.

“Hey! Willow!” she called out, causing said friend to whip her head around.

“Buffy! Hi!”

“Oh Wills, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“I saw you at lunch!”

“And that was oh, so many hours ago,” the girls laughed as they began walking home. Buffy’s friend lived a street over from her so it made sense to walk together every so often, but Willow’s many after-school commitments made it difficult to meet up.

“So, how was your day?” It was a simple, innocent question, but Buffy didn’t know what to say. Should she tell Willow the sordid details like she usually did, or should she keep her mouth shut considering the particularly fragile circumstances?

“It was… it was long.”

“Long how?”

“Well… I, uh… just one of those days you know?”

“Yeah, I had one of those days the other day. I was just trying to get stuff done for Mock UN and Mr. Giles yelled at me for like no reason. I spent the rest of the day trying not to be so nervous. That man is frightening in a bad mood.”

“What did he say?” Buffy tried to sound casual but Willow’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

“He just cursed at the top of his lungs and demanded to know why I was looking at him. But he had a bruise on his forehead!”

“He had a bruise?” Why had she not noticed this?

“Yeah. I mean, I heard a rumor that he used to fight in fight clubs or something. Maybe he does that?”

“Maybe.”

“So anyways, I was so rattled that I ended up just going home. I saw you walking ahead of me, actually, but I thought you’d be with someone. Turns out you weren’t though when you reached your house.”

“Yeah, I’ve been… I don’t want to say ‘taking a break’ from that life but… trying something new, definitely,” Buffy half mumbled to herself.

“Something new? Like what?” Willow seemed naturally interested, but Buffy didn’t know how to respond. “Just tell me, Buffy. You have been skirting around some issue for days now. You have a secret and you’re dying to tell me, so just say it.”

“What? How can you tell?”

“Best friend’s job to tell. Plus, you fidget when you want to say something,” Willow laughed as Buffy tried to keep her fidgeting hands to her sides.

“Ugh, Fine! I’ll say it, but Wills,” Buffy stopped and turned to face her very seriously. “If I tell you this, you cannot say anything to anyone, do you understand?”

“Um, ok I guess-“

“Promise me!”

“Ok, I promise. Now what is it?” Willow said as she looked expectantly at her friend.

“Ok, I… I started seeing someone.”

“Oh, like long term?”

“I don’t know, Wills! It’s still pretty early…”

“Well, what’s his name? Does he go to our school? How old is he? What does he look like…”

“William, in a way he does, older than us, blond with blue eyes and taller. Anything else?”

“Yes. There is something else, so just tell me what it is!”

“Well, he… I… I don’t know what I’m doing!”

“Well just tell me details and we can figure it out.”

“Since when did you become the gossip queen?” Buffy half-joked.

“Since you started being distant and sullen, mostly,” Willow responded, completely serious.

“I’m sorry, Will. I’m really trying to figure out how to word this. Um,” maybe the best plan would be to come out and say it: I slept with Mr. Giles! “I… uh,” slept with Mr. Giles, slept with him, on his desk, in his class. “I slept with him!” she yelled rather loudly.

“Well, not to be crude but I kind of figured you did,” Willow said.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t supposed to quite yet. I need to figure it out before we go any farther.”

“Ok… well, do you know how he feels about you?”

“I know he wants me,” Buffy said.

“And how do you feel about him?”

“I mean I want him to… Seems like I can’t stop myself when he’s around, but I really need to keep myself under control.”

“Buffy,” Willow tried to phrase it as best as she could. “You are a lot more… experienced than I am, but sometimes you just need to talk it out.”

“I know, I know! We need to talk, but I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t know what to do? You just said he wants you, you want him; what else do you need to know?”

“He’s married Wills.”

“Oh… Then you might want to cool it for a bit,” she responded hesitantly. “Look, we’re at my street. Think this over very carefully Buffy; there are a lot of guys out there and you don’t want to destroy someone’s marriage. I may not know much about this stuff, but I do know that. See you later; call me if you decide anything! Bye!” Willow finished as she ran to her house.

Buffy knew she’d made Willow uncomfortable. She could just imagine her face if Buffy told her the mystery guy was Mr. Giles.

When she got home, she ran upstairs and crashed on her bed. It was all too much for her to deal with. She wished her mother were there, to hold her if nothing else, she and her dad had taken a vacation for a few days and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. Maybe she should have brought someone home to fool around with; that definitely would have taken her mind off things. The idea seemed nice for a moment but then shattered as she imagined his face if he saw. She couldn’t do that to him.

It wasn’t like they were together, but Buffy felt like she belonged in his arms. Sure, he had sated her with his “expertise”, but it was so much more than that. Buffy felt for him.

But he didn’t feel that way about her. He just thought of her as a toy he could play around with. At least, that’s how it came across.

Perhaps she could change his mind? Maybe she could make him fall for her. She knew she was playing a dangerous game, but like William said, she just didn’t care anymore.

Willow was right: he wanted her and she wanted him. What more did she have to consider? Of course, there was the problem of him being her teacher… but if things worked out, she would be graduating pretty soon and then it wouldn’t be a problem anymore. As for him being married… he clearly didn’t have a good relationship with his wife. They had their fair share of fights she could see through the window. And William always seemed so put out by her. He couldn’t possibly be happy there.

At least she hoped he wasn’t.

He couldn’t be! If he were happy with Dru, then he wouldn’t have come looking for her.

But was he looking for her or looking for anyone who was willing. And Buffy had been weak.

They really needed to talk. This whole “coming to terms with it herself” plan was not working in the least.

Buffy shook off her emotions and started doing her homework for once. It helped a little, but only until she saw William and Dru fighting in the window…

…………………………………….

“There’s no help for me.” Spike said, eyes cast to the ground.

“Let me try.” Buffy stood up and held her hand out.

He grasped her hand and got to his feet. They walked across the street to her house, hand in hand, and she smiled. Maybe there was hope for them, yet.

Buffy shut the door behind them, not knowing what to expect.

Buffy shut the door behind them, not knowing what to expect.

“Can I call you William?” she asked hesitantly. She knew she wanted to comfort him, but she wasn’t one hundred percent sure how to do that. Buffy bit her lip.

“Call me Spike. Everyone does,” he said nonchalantly as he gazed around her living room.

“Spike…” she tested it out on her lips and after a minute approved of it with a nod. Spike was trying to seem calm and collected, but inside he was anything but. He was in her house, in her living room…

“So…”

“So.”

“Look,” Buffy began. “I know we’re supposed to have the talk now but… can we just delay it for a while?”

“I don’t know, I think we should sort a few things out first…” he said. Buffy sighed.

“Okay then… what are we doing? I mean, I know what we’re, well, doing but… this-“ she pointed between the two of them, “What is this exactly?”

“I don’t know.”

“Glad we had the talk-“ she said sarcastically.

“No, Buffy, I just… I don’t know what I’m doing here. I know that this is wrong, that we shouldn’t be doing whatever it is we’re doing. I know it’s wrong to want you like I do, but I can’t help it. Do I want to keep doing this? Yes, I do. Every part of me wants to…“

“But?”

“But I think we should try to be stronger than that. I’m married, I’m you’re teacher, I should be the one… I should be the responsible one but I’m just corrupting you-“

“Woah there cowboy. Corrupting me? I think we both know it’s a little late for that. And I was there in that classroom just as much as you were.”

“But I should have said no!”

“And I wouldn’t have let you!” Spike paused in thought as Buffy continued, “I wanted you too! I want you! And if it weren’t something I wanted, I would have stopped it. Okay?” Spike almost argued, but was interrupted by another, “Okay?!”

“Okay.” Spike said softly. They stared at each other in silence as they contemplated everything.

“You… you want to sit down?” she said pointing to the couch. He nodded, sat on the corner and rubbed at his eyes.

“Everything is just so wrong,” he mumbled as Buffy sat next to him.

“It felt right to me,” she said quietly, not quite looking him in the eye. He stared at her with sad eyes for a long time. Smiling slightly, he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.

“I wish I didn’t want you so much.” Buffy leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. She wasn’t used to such tenderness.

“Maybe one day you won’t,” she responded sadly. It always irked her how much she felt for the man, even though she knew so little about him. He seemed so mysterious and worldly; what could she possibly ever mean to him? It didn’t help that he remained silent, proving her theory.

“Buffy… what is this to you? I need to know. I’m going crazy thinking about you day in, day out.” He moved closer to her on the couch, “Whenever you’re around I want to touch you, be near you, and I need to know that you feel it too.” He kissed her lightly on the lips as his forehead met hers. “You feel it too, don’t you Buffy? Can you feel me?” Spike whispered.

Heat rose between them as their labored breaths grew quicker. Their nearness to one another proved too much to handle as they kissed each other deeply.

“Mmm, Buffy,” he groaned as she traced the hair at the nape of his neck. Buffy’s insides twirled as the kiss grew frenzied. He tore are her sweater and lifted her onto his lap. She felt his arousal through the thin material beneath her skirt. Spike bunched it higher and growled lowly as she spread her legs wider. “I love when you wear skirts, kitten.”

Buffy rocked her hips against his as he grazed his teeth across her neck. She shuddered at the contact and he smiled. Spike laid her down on the couch and moved on top of her without breaking the kiss. It became needy and raw as they grinded against one another, grasping at any friction.

“Let me taste you,” he said breathily. Buffy mumbled some response. “What’d you say?”

“No.”

“No? Why not?” he said, leering at her.

“I don’t let boys do that,” she said simply. Spike tried to squash down the jealousy than rose within him, but he barely managed.

“I’m not just a boy, pet,” he said, trying to stay playful despite the serious look on her face. There was a momentary twinge of doubt on her face, however, and Spike took the chance. “Let me. If it doesn’t feel good, you can tell me to stop,” he said huskily nipping at her inner thigh. She whimpered a bit, but attempted to hold her ground.

God knew she wanted to let him, but to let it happen would prove how much she felt. It was too intimate an action and she decided she couldn’t handle it. But she started to reconsider as Spike moved closer and closer to his target.

“Please?” he asked simply, pouting adorably. Buffy’s head fell back on her pillow.

“Fi-iiiine!” she yelled as he licked her slit through the lace of her panties mid-word. With reverence, he slid them down her golden legs kissing every inch of skin they passed over. He drew patterns with his tongue down her calf as he stuffed the sodden material in his pocket. Buffy looked up at him questioningly but threw her head back when he returned to her center with vigor. She struggled to keep her hips from grinding against his face as he made figure eights across her swollen pussy.

“You’re best like this,” he said between teasing taps of his tongue. “Wanton and wanting, eyes blazing… like a fallen angel you are.” Buffy whimpered again as he sucked at the tender flesh.

“Please, William-“

“Ah ah ah, Spike,” he sing-songed.

“Spike, please…”

“Please what? This,” he said roughly as he nipped at her clit. Her breath caught in her throat and she squeaked; Spike chuckled at the sound and the vibrations made her moan loudly.

“Yes, yes, that. Man, you’re good at this!” she remarked. His nose buried against her most sensitive spot and rubbed up and down. He lapped up every bit of moisture that touched his tongue and drank her in. God, she tasted good. It was making his light headed and hard as hell. He never had a problem in the past eating girls out, but this… this was different. Buffy was different, and he was high off of her. As he slid one finger into her passage, she cried out and grasped the couch cushions with white knuckles.

She was so close, he could feel it; and this time, it wasn’t just a sense he had. He was amazed to feel her walls closing tighter around his long digit and sucked harder on her clit. She came wildly, thrashing about so much he had to hold her hips down as she convulsed through the last of her aftershocks.

Spike gave one last lick and watched with a prideful smirk how she tried to catch her breath. He prowled over her and kissed her deeply; she eagerly responded, loving her taste on his lips.

“So,” she said looking up into his eyes with a glazed expression, “what now?”

“So,” she said looking up into his eyes with a glazed expression, “what now?”


Spike seemed to genuinely think about it for a moment; that is, until he curled his tongue behind his teeth and lightly tweaked one of her nipples.

“I think we should move this upstairs, pet.”

All Buffy could do was nod.

Grabbing his hand, Buffy leapt to her feet and dragged him upstairs. Spike chuckled a little at her eagerness. He briefly considered the gravity of what he was doing, but he squashed it down. He refused to spoil this time with her. He simply refused. Spike smiled at her as she practically broke her door down trying to get inside.

Spike lunged at her and she squealed, trying to get away. He playfully caught her in his arms and they fell on her bed.

“Hold on, pet,” he said as he stood up and closed the purple shades of her window. A brief shudder of sorrow went through him as he looked across the street to his house. His sadness gripped at his heart as it started to rain.

Spike glanced over at Buffy. She looked so beautiful lying on the bed waiting for him to join her. She smiled slowly, gazing up at him like he was perfect. He felt wanted. She raised her arms to him and motioned for him to come to her. Every part of him wanted to join her, but for some reason his feet refused to move from there spot. Seeing his indecision, Buffy stood up and wrapped her arms around his torso.

“Dance with me?” she said softly, almost embarrassed at the comment. All thoughts escaped his mind as she innocently nuzzled into his chest and swayed with him. Spike laid his cheek against her golden curls and breathed her in. He just wanted it to stay like that forever.

They danced in the rain-pattered silence in the soft, purple glow of the moon through her shade. His head grew heavy and foggy, getting drunk off of her presence. He imagined how much he missed her before they’d met; how the emptiness he didn’t know was there disappeared when she gazed up at him.

Spike kissed her temple and felt her eyes close against his chest. He broke apart from her just enough to kiss her properly. Neither moved to deepen it at first for neither wanted to ruin the perfect stillness of the night.

Buffy took a step back and slowly lifted her shirt off. Her wide eyes gave away her nervousness, but Spike did not comment. He felt the intimacy of the moment, fierce and frightening between them. He followed her lead and removed his shirt.

Soon, all articles of clothing lay strewn across her carpet as they stared in awe at one another. Spike picked her up, carried her to the bed and crawled on top of her.

“You’re a goddess, you know that?” he said. Buffy was surprised by the sincerity in his voice and kissed him tenderly.

Spike ran the back of his finger across the taut plain of her stomach and she shivered. They danced across her flesh as they came closer and closer to where she needed them.

“Please,” she said simply.

“Please, what?”

“Please, Spike… no teasing. Not this time,” she begged half-heartedly. Spike chuckled and kissed her nose before cupping her mound.

“Is that better?”

“Yes,” she breathed. “Much, much better.” He rocked his hand back and forth slowly and she lightly pushed herself against it.

“So wet… is this for me?”

“Hmm?” she mumbled.

“For me, Buffy? Is this just for me?” he said as he lifted one finger from between her thighs and sucked on it. Buffy moaned at the sight.

“Oh yeah,” she responded enthusiastically. The vision in front of him was getting to be too much. All the blood rushed to his nether region and he felt like he was dying without her touching him.

“I’m sorry, luv, I can’t wait any longer. I have to have you,” he said breathlessly positioning himself and slowly sliding in. Buffy’s eyes rolled in the back of her head.

Spike rubbed against her with every thrust, trying to find the sweet spot inside her. When she groaned and lifted her arms to push against the headboard, he knew he’d succeeded. He manipulated her into a series of groans and mumbles as his pace became a little faster.

Lifting one leg over his shoulder, Spike drove into her. All he wanted to do was watch her perfect tits bounce as he pounded her into the mattress, but he had to hold back. He had to hold back. He had to-

“Harder!” she yelled. He groaned and hammered into her sweet pussy.

“Unh, unh, Buffy you feel, ah incredible,” he yelled incoherently. She didn’t need to respond; her insides spoke for her as they fluttered around him. The headboard smacked into the wall as the bed screeched. “Come on baby, come on, come for me,” he groaned in her ear.

Spike drove into her even harder if it was possible. He felt her insides squeeze the life from him, causing him to climax as she did.

Even after they had both come down from the high, Spike continued to thrust into her tight passage. When he had no energy left, he collapsed beside her.

She giggled a little between contented sighs. Spike smiled and pushed strands of hair off her gorgeous face. Her wide, emerald eyes met his and he was a lost man.

“Spike, tell me something beautiful,” she said gently. He thought for a moment and replied.

“I am afeard being in night, all this is but a dream…” he said, though his eyes were far away.

“Too flattering-sweet to be substantial,” she finished.
Spike was surprised that she knew the line. She really is perfect for me. He watched her drift off to sleep in his arms and knew this was where he was meant to be.

The next morning, Buffy woke up in Spike’s arms. For a moment, she lingered in bed watching his boyish expression as he slept. He looked so adorable that she had to kiss him. Without opening his eyes, he kissed her back lightly.

“Good morning, pet,” he said roughly trying to clear his throat. He wiped at his eyes and found her staring at him thoughtfully.

“Morning,” she spoke softly.

Spike yawned and stretched his arms above him. Buffy watched his muscles ripple down his arms and shoulders; she unconsciously licked her lips.

“What time is it?” he croaked, looking around the room for a clock. Buffy crawled on top of him to reach the watch on her night table. Spike held her hips in place playfully, eliciting a giggle from the girl.

“About noon,” she replied between laughs. She looked so beautiful straddling him like that, the sun brightening her skin.

“I like making you laugh,” he said honestly. Buffy smiled down at him. He looked so young and innocent beneath her, like a little boy with a prized toy on his lap. She was about to kiss him again when she paled.

“Noon?! Oh my- oh my god! You have to leave!” she exclaimed as she jumped off the bed.

“Wha-? Why?” he responded, somewhat confounded by her change in temperament.

“My parents are coming back at 12:30 on the dot! You have to go, right now.”

“Buffy, calm down, I’m heading out. See?” he motioned to the pants he was putting on. “We still have half an hour and I live across the street. Not exactly a trek, luv,” he said calmly as he put his clothes back on. Buffy seemed to relax a little, but she anxiously paced the room anyway. He couldn’t help the sudden flare of insecurity that rose as he realized she was ashamed of him. Of course she would be; he was her teacher. He meant nothing more to her than any of the others.

But she let him stay the night, which he hadn’t seen her do for them. They usually left around five minutes post coitus. This gave him a little hope.

When both of them were finally dressed, Spike kissed her on the forehead and headed out. Hundreds of thoughts and concerns battled in his head for dominance, but Spike pushed them aside. He refused to be bothered today.

As he walked up the front steps of his house, he noticed something was different. Spike opened the door and heard nothing: no banging, no yelling or talking, just silence. Closing the door, he called for Dru through the house. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was definitely wrong.

“Dru? Drusilla, are you up there?” he yelled up the stairs. Bounding up the stairs, he prayed that Dru hadn’t done something stupid after their fight. Just as he reached the top, he heard a slight crunch and looked down. A small, crumpled piece of paper and a CD case lay on the top stair. Spike’s stomach dropped.

With shaking hands, Spike opened the crinkled note and read:

I lied about the baby. It is time for me to leave. You won’t see me again. Please listen.
~Love always, Drusilla

Spike rushed to their bedroom and searched through her drawers, but found nothing. Empty. His guilt for the night resurfaced at full force. Spike forced himself back down the stairs.

With an odd numbness, Spike put the CD into the player in the living room. For once, he would listen to her.

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me now I can't feel anything
When I love you, it's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking, it's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

He didn’t realize Dru had felt the same that he did. If only she had been coherent to tell him… She was trying to tell him the whole time and he was so focused on his own problems that he’d refused to listen. He blamed and blamed her, but this was his fault. He stuck by her, and while it felt like the right thing to do, he’d made her worse.

Oh what are we doing we are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real
Well the truth hurts, and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Dru was giving him the life he wanted by leaving. It was selfless of her: certainly a first. He still hadn’t expected her to actually leave. The song continued and throbbed in his chest. He felt every word.

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real
Well truth hurts, and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again…

As the last words rang through the echoing house, the heavy, stifling pressure inside him disappeared. He felt light and relieved, but somewhat empty where the darkness had been. Spike shook it off and sighed. He should have felt worse; after all, his wife just picked up and left him, presumably never to be seen again. Part of him was sad, not because she was gone, but rather because he felt responsible for her downfall. Had he not driven her to it?

Spike wiped the tears from his eyes. He had to talk to Buffy. He stood up and ran out the door to her house. Hastily, Spike rang the bell several times itching to speak with her.

He was about to bang wildly on the door when he heard the latch and it opened a bit. A woman he recognized as Buffy’s mother stood on the other side. He had totally forgotten Buffy’s parents were back. His mouth opened and closed like a fish.

“Mr. Giles? Can I… can I help you?” she said worriedly. He must have looked like absolute arse to receive that level of concern from someone he knew very little.

“Joyce… hi, I um… I was looking for…”

“For?”

“My… dog. It’s missing and I was wondering if you had… seen it?” Spike wanted to bang his head against a wall for his lame excuse for... well, an excuse.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” she said, genuinely concerned for the dogs’ well-being. “I didn’t know you had a dog,” she mentioned more to herself than to Spike.

“New dog… so have you seen it?”

“Well, what does it look like?” she said, fishing for details. Spike was flustered and couldn’t focus; his emotional energy was scattered.

“Uh, brown?”

“I don’t believe I’ve seen a brown dog, but I’ve only just gotten back from a trip. Perhaps my daughter Buffy has seen it. Hold on, Buffy?!” she yelled. “Buffy! Come down for a bit.”

“I’m coming, I’m-“ she saw him standing in her doorway just as wide-eyed as she was. “Sp- um, Mr. Giles? Can I help you?”

“I was… I was looking for my d-dog…”

“You have a dog?” she asked incredulously.

“Sorry, I’ll just… go,” he said as he practically jumped off their front steps. He needed to be with Buffy or alone and since she was preoccupied, it was time to be alone.

“I’ll be on the lookout!” Joyce yelled at his back hopefully. “That is a strange man,” she admonished as she closed the door.

“Yeah…” Buffy responded in a daze, “Strange.”

She knew there was more to the story and she was going to find out.

Spike wandered through the streets of Sunnydale. Although it was a small town, it was easy to get lost through the many curving streets. If he had been paying attention to where he was going, he certainly would have known where he was. But he was so lost in his thoughts that he became lost himself. He didn’t recognize anything.

Like a little child, all he wanted was to go home, but he did not have a home anymore. Everything he had, he shared with Dru and then she was gone…

All he wanted was Buffy

Buffy: with her sweet voice and perfect smile, with her emerald eyes, aged beyond her years. She was his salvation, but what was he to her? What could he possibly give her?

He hadn’t given Dru much; if anything, he had taken away anything that resembled the girl she once was. Spike remembered a time when he’d loved her… at least he thought he did. Back when she’d seemed exotic and fascinating, when she’d taken an interest in him. She had shaped him from the shy, stuttering William to the slick punk Spike. Why did she want him? Perhaps that was why he stayed with her in the beginning: because he couldn’t understand why a girl like Dru picked him out of everyone. It felt good for a while.

Spike kicked a stone across the pavement.

And what about the baby? She told him she wasn’t lying, but the next day she fled. What if it was the truth, but it wasn’t his? Spike wouldn’t have been surprised at her infidelity. But what if it was true and it was his, and he just let her go? He’d always wanted a child, but he didn’t want Dru’s and he felt like a terrible person.

He walked for hours and thought about his life, Dru, the baby, Buffy and everything that was bothering him. Eventually, he found his way back home and looked through the window to see if Buffy was home.

Sadly, she left the curtain down. Part of Spike wanted to march across the street and demand her to come out. He didn’t want to admit it, but she could be with someone else. The thought made his blood boil and freeze at the same time. Spike’s knuckles turned white as they curled into fists. His eyes narrowed as he desperately tried to see past the purple shade.

After a few minutes, he gave up and collapsed onto his bed. He wanted her comfort and the scent of vanilla that permeated her room surrounding him. Spike missed her and fell asleep cradling a pillow between his arms.

…………………………………….

Buffy paced her room. What was going on with him? Spike looked like a kicked puppy when he showed up at her door


As she climbed the tree, she realized how inappropriate it was of her to crawl into his house. She stopped and hung on a branch for a moment, considering it. What if Dru was there? What if they are… after all, she is his wife she thought dismally. Looking up to the window, she decided to proceed anyway and hoped that they were either asleep or not in the same room.

She found a somewhat sturdy branch close to the window and wrapped her legs around to steady herself. Buffy smiled when she saw him sleeping, his face scrunched up in determination. It was dark, but he seemed to be alone. She knocked lightly on the glass.

“Spike,” she whispered. “Spike!” The man moved a little in his sleep but showed no signs of waking up. Buffy rolled her eyes and tried to open it from the outside. When it didn’t budge, she banged on the window a little harder “Spike, wake up!” she said a little too loud. She glanced around to make sure no one heard her.

Luckily, Spike sat up in bed.

“Spike!” she whispered as she tapped on the glass again. His eyes widened and he immediately ran to the window. Tugging at the painted pane, Spike struggled to let her in. Fearing that she’d fall from the tree and break her neck, he pulled at it with newfound vigar.

“I hate this blasted window!”

“What?” she said.

“What did you say?” he replied. Both voices were muffled by the thick glass and painted-over pane. “Hold on.”

“What?!” she said a little too loud again. Spike pointed to the window and motioned trying to open it. Buffy nodded, although slightly amused. She placed her hand against it and willed him to look at her. While he fretted, he noticed her hand and the twinkle of her eyes. She smiled as he slowly lifted his hand to meet hers.

Suddenly, the branch shuddered under her weight. A fearful expression faced him as heard it begin to snap. In the heat of the moment, Spike barreled out of the room, down the stairs and onto the lawn. He caught her just as he reached the tree, but the branch came down with her and smacked him across the face. He collapsed and she fell on top of him.

“Oh my god, Spike? Are you okay?!” she asked concernedly.

“Yeah, I’m fine pet.”

“No, no you’re not! You’re head is bleeding!” she exclaimed.

“Can’t feel a thing. Are you okay?” he asked seriously.

“A little bruised probably, but you got the brunt of it.”

“Let me see,” he said sitting up.

“Spike, I’m fi-“

“Let me see it,” he demanded sternly. She didn’t know if it was the worry written across his face or the stern tambour of his ‘teacher voice’, but she silently complied and showed her leg. He gently placed it on his lap and looked it over. Nodding to himself, he placed it back on the grass. “It looks alright, just to make sure we’ll put some ice on it. Come inside, luv,” he said standing up. They walked up his steps in silence and into the house. Spike took some ice out of the freezer, wrapped some paper towels around it and lightly placed it on her leg.

“Next time love, just come through the front door,” He chuckled lightly before he felt the wound on his head throb.

“Spike? You should probably put a band-aid on that.”

“You’re probably right,” he replied, but he didn’t want to stop holding her calf.

“Well, if I came through the front door, you know, someone not you could answer it.” Spike didn’t say anything for a moment and stared at the floor.

“Dru is… Dru’s gone,” he said softly. Buffy searched his face for any flicker of emotion, but he hid it well.

“Oh…” she said, unable to come up with something better. “What happened?”

“Dru left a note… said it was ‘time for her to leave’. Said she lied about… some things,” Spike didn’t know why he couldn’t just tell Buffy about the baby situation, but something inside him warned against it.

“I’m so sorry, Spike,” Buffy said truthfully. Spike wanted to respond, but he just couldn’t. He looked at her as she sat on his kitchen counter, feeling sorry for him. The numbness he’d felt since Dru’s disappearance took hold and all he wanted was her comfort. He wanted to feel something.

Spike kissed her passionately like he was desperate for something within her. Buffy didn’t know how he was feeling, but if it were what he needed, then she wouldn’t ask questions. She’d comply. And then they’d talk.

Buffy’s face was fevered at he kissed her everywhere he could. Spike quickly pulled off her nightdress and kissed a path down her stomach. Wetness pooled between her thighs and she imagined them together. Wrapping her legs around his waist she pushed his sweatpants down with her heels. There was no time for foreplay this time, just a base need for one another.

He pushed into her in one motion and reveled in the sweet agony of their connection. He drove into her again and again as she lay on the table, her hair splayed out like a goddess.

“You know you love my cock in your delicious pussy,” he moaned as he thrust into her with ardor. She mumbled a reply, but it wasn’t good enough. “Tell me how much you need it, baby.” He quickened the pace. “Tell me I’m the only one who can make you feel it.”

As his strokes became wilder, he begged her to tell him with his eyes. She was so lost in her passion that she couldn’t respond, but he took her silence as something entirely different. He imagined her with all the other men she’d taken to bed. Jealousy surged through him. No one but me, no one. She is MINE was the only thought running through him. A primal need for her ripped to the surface as he yelled, “TELL ME, Buffy!”

Buffy was incoherent as the wild passion of their lovemaking overthrew her senses. Without a response again, Spike stopped his movement. It was then that Buffy noticed the desperation and insecurity on his eyes. His thrusts slowed.

“I-“

“Tell me I’m the only one,” he interrupted softly, his voice cracking slightly in effort. Buffy could not believe how quickly his demeanor had changed. Now only inches from her, she could see his expression of uncertainty; she stroked his cheek and watched as he nuzzled into her palm.

“Tell me I’m the only one,” he interrupted softly…

Buffy bit her lip, not knowing what to say. True, she had feelings for him. But was she willing to give herself to someone who would hurt her like Riley had? She didn’t know if she could take another blow like that. Considering their circumstances, it was even more likely that they couldn’t stay together.

But her silence made him weak. The blue eyes that were full of passion and worry only a moment before began to harden. Wasn’t this a man who just had his heart broken? Buffy didn’t know how far her feelings ran, but she felt enough to help him.

She gently guided him back to face her.

“You are the only one,” she said simply. He searched her eyes for any hesitation, but in them he saw only sincerity. Spike smiled a little as his fears subsided, barely believing how much power she had over him. One touch, one single look from her sent him round the world.

She didn’t lie to him; he was the only one. But how long would that last? The physicality, the passion: those she could understand and deal with. The real, heartfelt emotions that once plagued her were a mystery now. She couldn’t handle it at that moment.

With her legs wrapped around his waist, she encouraged him to continue pumping into her. He did so with enthusiasm and made the table tip and groan. Buffy let go of it all and let herself feel him within her. She moaned as he changed his angle. He drove her into the table with fervor until they both reached blissful completion.

Both of them tried in vain to regain their breath. They didn’t know how long they remained there; it could have been minutes or hours or a millennia. But they were perfectly sated in each other’s arms.

“I love you,” he whispered reverently, gently nipping at her neck. It was lucky he didn’t see the way her eyes widened in surprise and in fear. When he lifted his head to gaze at her again, she smiled and nodded slightly.

She kissed him with her eyes open.

Spike pulled out and internally whined at the loss of contact. He already wanted her again and the thought scared him.

“I should probably go,” she whispered gently. There was a moment of pure panic in his eyes, but it deflated just as quickly.

“Okay,” he said as he kissed her temple lovingly. He watched as she cleaned herself up and pulled her nightdress back over her head. She gave him a peck on the cheek and headed out.

“I’ll see you at school,” she said looking over her shoulder before closing the door.

“See you,” he said to the empty hallway.

…………………………………….

Spike glared at the empty classroom as the final bell rang.

Shouldn’t have said I love her, shouldn’t have said it! Why did I do that?! Spike complained internally. He didn’t regret the sentiment, but he shouldn’t have told her like that. She was only a kid for Pete’s sake! How could he expect her to be able to handle that level of emotion or even commitment at her age? Spike ran his hands roughly through his hair. She’s only ten years younger… he tried to justify, but he just shook his head. Ten years is a long time.

Spike recalled the events of the day:

He arrived at school twenty minutes earlier than usual to maybe catch Buffy beforehand. She didn’t even show up for his class. From what he understood, she missed the first two periods of school and wandered into her Civics class fifteen minutes late.

What was she trying to do to him? Or what was she trying to tell him?

He looked for her during lunch, but couldn’t find her. Even went as far as to ask a few of her mates if they’d seen her. He used the excuse that she missed his class and did not turn it the assignment due that morning. The red head claimed she hadn’t seen her all day.

Buffy hadn’t visited, hadn’t contact him in any way. Maybe she just needed time to process, but if that was the case, why didn’t she just tell him that? He surmised he could handle it.

But the longer she was away, the more he ached for her. If he could only just see her for a moment it would be alright. But no: she had to avoid him and make him anxious all day.

Then, in the middle of seventh period, he thought he saw a glimpse of her outside his door. He felt the urge to jump out of the room mid-sentence and make sure, but what about the twenty some-odd kids he was teaching? Part of him wanted to say ‘the hell with them,’ but he knew better. He’d see her again; after all, she lived across the street. How far could she go?

Eighth period came and went. By the time the final bell rang, Spike’s agitation reached its peak.

He really needed to control his emotions better.

Spike squeezed a stress ball he’d found a few weeks earlier on the floor. It didn’t calm his nerves at all. He threw it across the room and it hit the wall with a small smacking sound. It helped a little. He didn’t bother picking it up.

…………………………………….

Buffy felt bad for avoiding him all day. She justified that it wasn’t her fault that she slept through her alarm clock and missed the first two periods of school. It wasn’t her fault that she decided to eat lunch in the library because she wanted to catch up on some homework she had neglected to do. And it wasn’t her fault that when she’d walked to the bathroom during seventh period, she’d taken the long way to pass by his classroom.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see him. In point of fact, she missed him terribly all day. After the weekend they’d shared, Buffy was itching to talk to him but what would she say? She still hadn’t figured out her feelings or what she wanted out of their ‘relationship’.

It was clear what he wanted. She hoped he wasn’t worrying too much about her. At least, not as much as she was worrying about him…

Buffy slammed her head on to her locker as the final bell rang. God, what was it about that man? What was this power he held over her?

As she rubbed at the small bump forming on her head, she realized that waiting wasn’t the answer. It was just making it worse and she was a person of action.

Decision made, Buffy walked quickly to the classroom where she hoped he’d still be. When she reached the door, she saw him sitting huddled over with his hands covering his face. Buffy took a deep breath and went inside, closing the door behind her with a thwak.

He sat up straight at her entrance. Buffy slammed her books on the table more violently than she had intended.

“We’re having the talk. Now.”

“We’re having the talk. Now.”

Spike was so surprised to see her that his mouth opened and closed like a fish. He expected her to cut out early just to stay away from him.

“What?” he replied stupidly.

“Talk. Now.”

“Fine, we’ll talk. Why have you been avoiding me?” he said with only a fraction of the annoyance he’d felt that day.

“I haven’t been avoiding you…”

“Then where were you? You’re telling me you just happened to come late to school and skip lunch-“

“What are you, spying on me?”

“No, Buffy I’m just-“

“Stop. Just stop, okay.” She paused for a moment, looking him in the eye directly.

“Sorry. You want to talk? Fine. Go. The floor is yours,” he said leaning back in his chair. Buffy contemplated what she was going to say for a moment before speaking.

“How do you see me?” she said simply.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what am I to you? Because before this whole, fiasco,” Buffy waved her arm emphatically to emphasize her point, “I really didn’t think you even liked me as a student. You used to pick on me on a daily basis. I hated coming here because you would always find reasons to make this class a living hell and make me feel like an ignorant, stupid child!” She took a deep breath and Spike made no move to interrupt her. “But then, that one day you were there and you kissed me and I… I didn’t know how to respond to that. So there I was kissing my English teacher, the very teacher who I’d thought despised me, but he didn’t seem to mind. For a minute, I was happy to feel wanted. It’s a problem I have.

“But then, it occurred to me that you could see me through my window. You’d probably been building me up in your head as some random slut that you could conquer or fulfill some weird fantasy with. After all, your wife was crazy, right? So I tried to tease you… I don’t know, it seemed like a good idea at the time. But it was a dumb idea because it apparently only fueled the fire more! You pursued me after that! You kissed me again and I couldn’t stop it because…”

“Because why, pet?” he asked looking at her intensely.

“Because I wanted you too,” she responded softly before continuing her rant. “But I didn’t want to want you! Not that there’s something wrong with you, but I mean you were the teacher who despised me. But I got lost somewhere in the middle… and when I saw you sitting on your lawn that night, whatever restraint I had just disappeared. You looked so devastated and… alone, and I… I recognized it in myself. I wanted to help you. And this weekend was really wonderful.” Buffy smiled a little, but it faded just as quickly as it appeared.

“And then you loved me?” Spike winced at her words. “I mean, how could you? You didn’t know anything about me! Sure, we have a connection; we both can see that. But love? You may know the color of my eyes and what the expressions on my face mean but you don’t know any of my likes or dislikes or the stuff I do. Lust isn’t love, Spike. If I know anything, it’s that.” She dropped into a chair, exhausted by her speech. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on in your head and that’s fine, but I need to know what’s going on here or I’m gonna explode.”

Teacher and student sat in silence, staring at the floor. Spike was the first to glance up.

“May I have the floor for a bit?” he asked the hands that covered her face.

“All yours,” said a muffled female voice. Spike considered his own words, but gave up trying to word them correctly; there was too much to say.

“I do know the difference… between lust and love. Probably better than most, I’d say. And maybe it started off as a fantasy, but something changed.” Buffy looked up at this. “When I said I love you, it wasn’t a lie or an exaggeration. I love you, Buffy. And it doesn’t matter what your hobbies, likes and dislikes are or even knowing what you’re thinking; I love you because of your goodness. Because when I look at you, I feel myself weaken next to your strength. I know the color of your eyes because when I see them I see wisdom far beyond your years. I get lost in them. You helped me at my lowest when I didn’t cry out for it. You are the best person I have ever known and ‘though I’ve only known you a short time, I feel like I’ve known you my entire life.

“I never thought you were stupid or ignorant, Buffy. I just didn’t know how to handle it. I suppose I thought if I pushed you, you’d work harder. I knew you were smarter than the smart ass you came off as.” Spike smirked slightly and stood up only to kneel in front of her.

“I know you are lonely. That night when you found me, I was a shell of a person and the fact that you recognized that? And yes, I watched you in your room for months and I’m not proud of it, but how could I stop? Not even watching the boys come and go, but seeing the sheer amount of passion you held within you day after day… I didn’t know people could be like that. And no, I didn’t think you were a- a slut I could conquer or some rot. I love you because of things I can’t explain, because everything about you calls to me. I know I’m older than you, but-“

“Not that much older,” she interrupted quietly.

“Yes, not that much older, but old enough to know when it’s right or wrong. I know that this is wrong Buffy,” she turned away tearfully, but Spike guided her cheek back to face him. “But how can I call it wrong when it feels so right to be with you? I tried to convince myself that it was bad to want you, but I just don’t care anymore. You are my savior and I cannot believe it to be wrong,” he finished.

“What if I can’t be your savior?” Buffy asked as a tear rolled down her precious cheek. Spike kissed it away. “What if I fail?”

“You’ve already saved me,” he whispered in her ear. Buffy broke down and cried over his words. She drew him in for a deep kiss.

“I love you too, Spike,” she whispered back.

“I love you too, Spike,” she whispered back.

“No you don’t, but thanks for saying it,” he said with a small smile. Buffy didn’t respond and kissed him instead, hoping her action would speak louder than her words.

It didn’t.

Spike was elated to hear it, but he couldn’t quite believe her after all she’d said. But she’d feel the same way about him eventually.

“But you’re my girl?” he asked with a hint of desperation in his voice he couldn’t hide. Buffy nodded.

“I’m your girl.” She moved in to kiss him again, but he pushed her away gently. The look on his face was now very serious.

“No more men, Buffy. Only me. Do you understand?” he stated simply. Buffy wanted to role her eyes, and yet a small part of her felt it might be difficult to stay with him. What if he got bored of her like Riley had? What if she couldn’t handle it?

With an expression of complete resolve she didn’t entirely feel, she replied that she understood.

…………………………………….

Four months later

Buffy giggled as she kissed him one more time.

“I have to get to my next class!” she begged, beaming at him. Spike kissed her thoroughly and pushed her out his office door.

“Go! Go! I can’t have you shirk your schoolwork,” he said laughing.

“That’s not what you said the other night,” she responded playfully. Spike pretended to kick her butt out the door and watched it sway back and forth as she left.

“Tease,” he said to himself.

Buffy was practically glowing when she reached her next class, which was surprising considering the subject matter was physics. But he just made her so happy that she couldn’t contain herself. She sat in her usual spot next to Willow and readied herself for a period of doodling Spike’s name in her notebook and staring out the window.

Willow, on the other hand, looked nervous as she stared at the chalkboard.

“Buffy?” she whispered as the teacher began his lecture.

“What’s up?” Buffy replied giddily. Mr. Brennan gave the girls a pointed look and continued with his very interesting facts about velocity. Buffy rolled her eyes and passed a note to Willow.

-whats up?

-I have a favor to ask, but its kind of embarrassing… Willow wrote back.

-wills, come on! tell me! Buffy scrawled back.

-Ok. I saw you talking to Angel the other day and I was wondering if, you know, you could ask him out for me?

-Willow! you get on with your bad self! ☺

-I know you guys were friends when you were in the play together so I was wondering if you would. No pressure though!!

-of course I would! i’ll do it next time i see him. promise.

Willow spent the rest of the class period in a nervous, but excited, stupor. Buffy was just happy she was finally branching out. Of course, she wished Willow would ask him out herself but she understood her friends’ nervousness.

It was lucky that Buffy found him in the hallway just as the lunch bell rang.

…………………………………….

Spike was whistling to himself as he strolled down the badly tiled hall. Of course, Buffy occupied his mind. He saw her up ahead and was planning to pinch her a bit, but then saw her talking to someone.

Spike tried to hide himself behind a row of lockers, but knew how ridiculous he must have looked. Buffy was flirting with that Angel bloke! Twisting her hair around her finger and touching his arm… They seemed to be having a good time talking to one another and he didn’t want to intrude. After all, it could just be an innocent conversation. He was her man.

Wasn’t he?

Spike’s blood ran cold as Angel moved in to kiss his girl, but Buffy gently pushed him away and giggled.

How long had this been going on?

The urge to tear him away from her and punch his lights out was overwhelming, but he had no place to do so. He was a teacher, for crying out loud. Teachers didn’t just pummel their students. It didn’t stop him from imagining the battle scene in his head as they said goodbye and walked their separate ways.

Cool, calm and collect as usual, Spike walked down the hall past the idiot teenage boy toward Buffy. He found her checking her phone and leaning against her locker.

“What the hell was that?!” he demanded in a harsh whisper. Buffy looked up surprised at the urgency in his voice.

“What was what?” she asked.

“Are you… are you sleeping with him?”

“No! God, what are you talking about?!” she replied almost laughing at the idea. Spike apparently didn’t find it amusing.

“Cause the way you were flirting with him… it was an awful lot like you were with him.” Spike wasn’t even listening to her and Buffy was two seconds away from storming off.

“You’re being ridiculous, Spike,” she said impatiently. He knew she was edging to get away from him, but his jealousy was maddening and he couldn’t let her go.

“Am I?” he whined a little more than he wanted to. “Because you promised me… you promised that I’d be the only guy in your life and there you were practically shoving yourself in front of him!”

“How dare you speak to me like that! I did no such thing!”

“I saw it all happen!”

“What, are you spying on me?” she said, pushing him away.

“No! I was just… I was walking and I saw you two there and I… What’s going on Buffy?!” he replied, his voice softening and growing more desperate with each word. His jealousy took over and he cornered her.

Then, Spike had Buffy against the wall. His strong arms trapped her from either side while his knee rubbed between her thighs. She moaned into his hard kiss, their fight momentarily forgotten.

“You’re mine, Buffy. Mine,” he spoke roughly into the crook of her neck. Buffy remembered why they were there and pushed him away again.

Suddenly, someone squeaked and Buffy and Spike turned to face it. The girl stared in horror for a few seconds before turning on her heels and booking it in the opposite direction.

“Willow, wait!” Buffy said as she went after her desperately. Spike cursed and slid to the floor.

“Willow, wait up!” she yelled as she reached her friend halfway down the hall. Willow turned around and faced her.

“What Buffy? What are you doing?! I mean, I knew you were seeing someone but…” her voice became a harsh whisper, “Mr. Giles?!”

“I know, I know Willow! I just…” tears began to spill down her cheeks and Willow immediately backed down to help her friend.

“I’m sorry Buffy, I’m a total jerk. Let’s sit down,” she said as she led her friend to the front steps of the school. Buffy wiped away the welling in her eyes and smiled. Willow was always so understanding; she only hoped she’d be as understanding about this.

When they sat on the bottom two steps, both were silent. After what seemed like a millennia, Willow was the first to speak.

“Alright Buffy, explain it to me.” Buffy gave her a sideways glance and Willow stuttered, “I-I mean, no judgment, I just want to understand.” Buffy nodded glumly.

“I guess it started a while ago…”

As Buffy recounted the affair, Willow’s expression barely changed. There were definitely flickers of surprise and confusion as well as a long pause of suspicion when she explained Dru’s disappearance. Her friend listened wholeheartedly and nodded as it tapered down.

“…and then I was talking to Angel, trying to ask him out for you, and Spike got jealous I guess and came to talk to me. That’s when you showed up.” Buffy sighed heavily as the relief of telling someone came upon her.

Willow seemed to consider it for a moment before biting her lip and looking up at Buffy with doe eyes.

“Not to, um, change the subject… but what did Angel say?” The look of sheer nervousness plastered across her face made Buffy laugh a little.

“Of course he did, silly. You’re a babe!” Willow smiled brightly and performed a small victory dance. “Which means, of course, you have to take him to my birthday party this weekend as your date.” The red head nodded enthusiastically, but she gradually looked concerned.

“That sounds good, Buffy, but… why would Spike get jealous of you talking to Angel for me? I mean, I’m not… not accusing you or anything like that, I’m just… why would he be jealous?” Willow asked hesitantly. Buffy seemed to ponder this for a while before she responded quietly.

“I guess I was being a little flirty, but all on your behalf I swear! It was more like a, ‘hey you’re a good looking guy, you deserve a good looking girl on your arm, my friend Willow is perfect for you!’ type thing. I guess Spike saw that and just assumed I was flirting with him.”

“Does he do that a lot?”

“Do what?”

“Spy on you? Assume things? Get really jealous? I may not know a lot about relationships, but I’m pretty sure those are bad signs.”

“I don’t know, Wills, sometimes I think it’s really sweet and other times I think he’s just, you know, being a guy. Besides, we don’t have the most conventional relationship,” Buffy chuckled a bit.

“Well, do you love him?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think I do. The way he looks at me… you’d think I was like a martyr or something. But sometimes I’ll look at him and I think it’s love. But I really think I’ll know when I know, you know?” Buffy smiled lightly and Willow nodded again.

“Does the age thing bother you?” Willow blurted out, unable to stop herself. “Sorry, didn’t mean to be that blunt…. But does it bother you?!” Buffy laughed a little more wholeheartedly at Willow’s antics.

“No, it doesn’t bother me. Well, it used to just a little, but now it doesn’t. I mean he’s not even thirty years old. It’s like dating someone right out of college or something.” Buffy paused for a minute, knowing Willow would not like her suggestion but hoping she’d go for it. “Hey Will?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you want to maybe skip the rest of the day and go watch movies or something?” The expression of sheer horror on Willow’s face made Buffy burst out in giggles.

“We-we can’t do that! That would be wrong and I… I have a quiz in Math today!” She stammered.

“Willow, come on! Live a little! You already got into Stanford, what is one quiz gonna do? Besides, you know I’m going to Boston in September and we’ll be clear across the country! We have to spend as much time together as possible and I think we deserve a little friendship time. What do you say?”

Willow bit her lip and shifted her eyes across the manicured lawn in front of the school.

“Are you sure we won’t get caught?”

“Positive. And if we do, what’s the worst that can happen? A slap on the wrist?” Buffy gave her best puppy-dog eyes.

“Fine. We just have to be really careful, okay?”

“Careful it is. Lead the way!” she said as she saluted her best friend.

The girls collected their bags and readied themselves for the walk back home. Suddenly, Buffy put her hand on Willow’s arm seriously.

“Willow, you can’t tell anyone about this. Do you understand?” Willow nodded for what felt like the twentieth time in the conversation, but felt the uneasiness of the situation in the pit of her stomach. Buffy knew she wasn’t good at keeping secrets, but this was one she’d have to manage.

Just as suddenly as the conversation turned dark, Buffy smiled and bounced along the sidewalk discussing the details of the party.

…………………………………….

Spike finished the day in a state of complete disembodiment. He felt like nothing was real and his classes came and went. He couldn’t focus on anything but the possibility that Willow would tell on them and he’d lose her. He couldn’t lose Buffy; it would destroy him.

When the final bell rang, Spike sat at his desk with the door open and concentrated on his feet. They were up on a pile of papers as he slumped in his seat. It felt like if he looked anywhere else the emotions that were pulling at his insides would betray him.

What if Willow told on them? What if Buffy couldn’t convince her? Best-case scenario, the school board would fire him and never allowed to teach again. Worst-case scenario, he’d forever be considered a pedophile and left for dead with a black mark on his head. Even though she was only two days away from being eighteen years old, no one would consider that okay.

Spike didn’t want to think about it. He just wanted to talk to Buffy and make sure they were alright. He flickered his gaze from his rather shiny shoes to the movement of a pair of brown slacks that stood before him.

“Hey man, are you okay?”

Spike glanced up and saw Xander Harris, the Woodshop teacher, standing above him. They’d never spoken before but they’d said hello at meetings on occasion.

“Yeah, ‘m fine,” he said a little angrier than he meant as he stood up. Xander backed away a step.

“Okay, man, just seeing how you’re doing. Forget I asked,” he said as he adjusted the bag on his shoulder. Spike sighed.

“No, it’s alright. Just a bad day is all.” Xander moved some of the floppy brown hair out of his eyes and chuckled.

“I know the feeling. Do you want to, I don’t know, get a drink or something? Get whatever’s bothering you off your chest?” he asked politely. Spike momentarily thought he was asking him on a date, but quickly realized the man meant it as a friend and relaxed. He seemed nice enough. He didn’t have a problem with gay people, but he didn’t swing that way.

“Isn’t it a little early for drinks?” he asked.

“It’s five o’clock. Happy hour, if I’m not mistaken.” Xander reminded him. Spike glanced at his watch and he was right. He’d been sitting in that exact spot for almost two hours. He definitely needed a drink.

“Lead the way,” he said tiredly.

Spike had never been to The Bronze even though it was the only bar/club in Sunnydale. Xander seemed to be pretty familiar with the bar staff and the regulars, however, so it didn’t feel too strange. Xander turned out to be a funny, sort of nicely awkward, guy. He was glad for the distraction and for the alcohol that spun in his glass as he swirled it.

“Well, let’s stop this whirligig of fun, I’m dizzy,” he stated sarcastically. “Listen man, if you’re just going to stare at your drink for the rest of the night, then I might have to force you to dance someone. And I can tell that’s one thing you definitely do not want to do.” Xander waited patiently for Spike to say something, but he just sighed and swirled his drink in the other direction.

“Come on, man. I know we don’t know each other very well, but sometimes its better to just come out and say it.”

“Why are you trying to help me?” Spike responded rather abruptly.

“What?” Xander asked surprised.

“Why are you trying to help me? What’s in it for you?”

“What in it for… What? Look, I’ve seen you around the past couple of months at meetings, in the lounge and in the halls and whatever and you are just all over the place. The other teachers are worried about you and I figured I’d step up to bat and see if I could help. We all know about… well about Dru and ever since then you’ve been pretty hard to talk to. You just hole yourself up in your office or your classroom and then leave. So, no, there’s nothing in it for me; just someone to talk to you if you want.”

Spike put his glass down on the bar and tried to pick his words carefully.

“Okay,” he began, “you want to know what’s bothering me?” Xander nodded. “I’m in love with… with this girl and I just… I feel like I can’t hold on to her, you know? Like I’ll lose her at any second. And she… well, she shouldn’t really be with me anyway. But I love her and I think she loves me back, but that’s never enough is it?”

“Well, why do you think you’ll lose her?”

“Cause it was doomed from the start.”

“I’m feeling a lot of vagueness over here.”

“Sorry mate. You want me to talk, this is what you get.” Spike downed his drink and ordered another.

“Well,” Xander started slowly, “If you love the girl than you should ask her, once and for all, how she feels. If she really loves you back then she won’t leave you.”

“But she’ll leave me. When the time comes, she’ll have to.”

“Spike, no one has to do anything.”

“Well, she’ll want to,” he retorted.

“If she will want to, then why hasn’t she already?” Xander asked getting slightly confused in his own logic.

“I don’t know,” Spike said quietly. “Maybe she loves me, or maybe I’m just novelty. Who knows.”

“Women are a very different breed.”

“Don’t I know it.” Spike responded honestly. The two clinked glasses and downed their drinks.

…………………………………….

“Buffy. Buffy!” he slurred in what he hoped was a whisper. Spike threw a stone at her window, thinking it romantic in his drunken stupor. After a while, a light turned on in the house but it wasn’t Buffy’s window. Spike scampered off behind a tree and watched for signs of movement. He felt like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible and started humming the tune to himself while he rolled across her front lawn.

He heard the door unlock and jumped behind a bush.

“Spike? Spike, are you out there?” Buffy said holding a flashlight in her hand. She wore a small, pink nightdress that fluttered in the breeze and she was once again the most beautiful sight he’d seen. Hoping no one else was home, Spike sauntered up to her and fell flat on his face. “Spike, what are you doing?”

“You keep sayin my name, Spike Spike and it’s beautiful,” he slurred as he attempted to hold her in his arms. “Keep sayin my name.”

“You’re drunk,” she stated, put off by his behavior.

“No, no, no not drunk sweetheart,” he said, his breath stinking of the stuff. Buffy crinkled her nose.

“Oh, no?” she said as she let go of him and he dropped sloppily to the ground. “Let’s get you back to your house, shall we?”

Buffy attempted to drag him across the street but he was just too heavy.

“Come on, Spike, help a little? Please?”

“Don’t want to,” he said defiantly. “Come lie down on the grass with me.” Spike tried to pat the grass beside him but only succeeded in swatting at the air.

“No, get up and help me!” she whined, not wanting her parents to find him in the morning splayed out on the lawn.

“Fine, fine, fine,” he chuckled and tried to stand. Together, they wobbled until they reached his front door. Buffy was completely out of breath as she collapsed on the step.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked annoyed.

“I am in love with you, thas what’s wrong with me,” he said as his head lolled back against the doorframe.

“I know, Spike.”

“You know? I know you know Buffy, but I don’t know what you know and the not knowing is killing me!” he confessed illogically.

“What do I know that you don’t?”

“Do you love me, Buffy? Because I have no idea and months and months have passed and I still don’ know.”

“Spike, you’re drunk and you need to sleep this off,” she said as she desperately tried to open the door. He stopped her with a hand to her wrist and gave up the key. Buffy pushed through the door and dragged him inside until he was beside his couch. He reached for her, but she easily maneuvered herself away.

“Please, Buffy,” he said desperately. “Lie down with me for a little while.” Buffy kneeled next to him and stroked his reddened cheek. She intended to kiss him lightly on the mouth, but he deepened it. He sat up, leaned against the couch, and held her in his strong arms. “You smell so good,” he breathed as he licked a trail up her neck.

Buffy willed herself to be strong, but he knew her weak spots too well. She kissed him back forcefully as shudders ran up and down her body. In a fit of need, Spike ripped her shirt in half and suckled on her breast. Buffy’s head fell back and he somehow supported her against him. He touched her smooth skin everywhere he could with his rough hands, but it wasn’t enough.

It was never enough.

Buffy ground herself against him as she freed his aching member from his jeans. Spike gasped as she slid her slim hand up and down his shaft and his eyes rolled back. He leaned against the couch in an attempt to support them both.

“Buffy,” he moaned. As she positioned herself above him and slammed down, he could have sworn the world had changed its axis. She drove him to heights he couldn’t imagine as she rocked up and down, her tits bouncing with her every movement.

He knew he was only moments away from coming, but he hung on. He reached between them and furiously rubbed her swollen nubbin with the rough pads of his fingers. Buffy practically growled at the new contact and moved frantically against him.

Spike felt her walls spasm around him and could hold off no longer. He bit her neck hard and she gasped. He came with a roar as her insides squeezed the hell out of him and her climax followed quickly after.

“Well,” she panted heavily as she tried to regain her breath. Spike coughed, dehydrated and light headed from the nights’ activities. “You know, it’s my eighteenth birthday in a few days.”

“Don’t remind me,” he replied drunkenly, his eyes half closed in exhaustion.

“Fine!” she exclaimed as she stood up. Buffy straightened herself and sighed heavily at the tattered cloth that was once her favorite nightdress. In a huff, she moved to leave the house.

“Buffy, no, no don’t do that. Don’t leave.”

“Spike, you’re drunk and I need to get some sleep. I’ll… I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said on her way out the door. Spike tried to reply, but nothing came to mind. Everything was cloudy and dark before he passed out.

The next day, Spike did not come to school. Buffy assumed he was sleeping off his hangover, but it did not stop the worried wrestling of her stomach. What if he had blood alcohol poisoning or something worse? She felt ridiculous for worrying about him; he was a grown man after all. But she couldn’t help it.

At lunch, she tried to focus all her attention on Willow and her birthday party plans. Since Willow’s parents were out of town for the weekend, Buffy had essentially bribed her into hosting her 18th birthday party. Buffy decided that everything was going to be perfect if it killed her. She needed less drama in her life and more fun.

…………………………………….

Only one more day ‘til she’s 18, he repeated in his head. Spike couldn’t believe what an ass he’d been the night earlier. Although he was happy to meet a friend, he was entirely focused on how that night of drinking had made him act. Spike pictured her lovely face, marred with annoyance from his antics. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was but he was far too hung-over to leave his bed.

Maybe when she turned eighteen, it would be better. Maybe their relationship wouldn’t feel so utterly wrong, although most of that feeling in him had died over the past months. Spike sighed and rolled over.

…………………………………….
The Night of the Party

Buffy was miserable. She had wanted so much to have fun at her party, but most of the invited partiers barely knew her. Willow was nowhere to be found so she had been sitting on the couch for an hour, unable to focus on anything but Spike. Sighing, she wished he could be there to comfort her like a real boyfriend.

Buffy straightened out her pink party dress and lightly fluffed her hair. Just as she decided on standing up and getting a drink like everyone else had done, she felt the couch move beside her. Angel was clearly drunk already; he leaned over and leered at her, much to her surprise. She couldn’t help but think how much sexier Spike looked when he leered, even though she usually playfully feigned disgust at his actions.

“And what’s a pretty birthday girl doing sitting all alone?” he slurred, his breath stinking of some mix of alcohols. Why have all men drunk been around me lately? she briefly wondered.

“Nothing, just sitting and enjoying the party,” she replied. “Where’s Willow?”

“Oh who knows, you know? She… she could be anywhere!”

“Uh huh…” she said slowly, grasping how truly drunk he was. “Why don’t you go and find her. I’m sure she’d love your company.”

“But why be somewhere that you’re not? Cause… you’re here. Let’s be here together,” he said smiling a little too much for her taste. Buffy pushed him away lightly.

“I don’t think so, Angel. Why don’t you go sleep this off, hmm?”

“Don’t condescend me! You invited me here cause you wanted me, just admit it Buff!” he said slightly exasperated.

“I invited you to hang with Willow, ok? Now either you go and find her or I suggest you leave.”

“Come on, don’t be like that!”

“Angel!” she said firmly. “Leave. Now.”

Angel backed up and almost fell over onto the floor. Buffy couldn’t understand what Willow saw in him. Just then, she noticed Willow staring at her from across the living room. Buffy bolted upright and attempted to reach her through the slew of people.

“Willow!” she yelled as the girl in question threw her arms up and dashed out the front door. After a minute of internally cursing herself, she followed and walked into the cool night air. She didn’t walk outside more than two steps before she noticed Spike running towards her from across the street.

“Spike?” she whispered. Spike jogged to her and stood speechless for a moment.

“Hello luv, I uh…” he scratched the back of his neck, not knowing what to say.

“Thank god its you,” she said as she kissed him heavily. She immediately felt drunk off his taste as he deepened the kiss. As her body was set aflame, he quickly parted from her. “Perhaps we shouldn’t do this only a few feet from your classmates.” Buffy giggled, decidedly happy he came.

“How did you know I’d be here?” she asked, surprised she hadn’t thought of it before. She had told him of the party, of course, but not where it was held; she was sure he wouldn’t come to high school party. But there he was, in all his splendor, looking more handsome than ever.

“Willow told me,” he replied sheepishly. Buffy smiled briefly, but frowned when she realized what had brought her out into the night.

“Damn, we have to find her!” she said as she took his hand and led him into the backyard. “Willow? Willow?!” she begged her friend to show herself. She heard a small sound coming from the other side of the house and rushed to find its culprit.

Buffy couldn’t stop herself from giggling as she witnessed Willow and Oz, a bass and guitar player from the school band, making out against the wall.

Willow stared in shock at Buffy while Oz had no change in expression.

“Buffy?!” she stated incredulously.

“Willow? I came out here to find you, you looked so pissed at me! I’m so sorry, Wills, I-“

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

“The way that Angel was all over me and you saw and-“

“Angel was all over you?” said a furious British voice from behind the house.

“Not right now Spike,” she responded.

“Mr. Giles? Is that you?” Willow asked as the man revealed himself. Oz smirked slightly and nodded.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Spike said.

“Wait, so you’re not mad at me?” Buffy interjected.

“No!” Willow yelled a little too loudly for her taste. “No, I saw Angel making out with Cordelia Chase about an hour ago and was pretty mad about that, but then I started talking to Oz and we just hit it off I guess.”

“Then why did you look so mad?” Buffy asked. Willow’s face turned so red that it was visible in the moonlight.

“Well, Oz whispered something… suggestive in my ear and then left the house. So I, um, followed him out here and… and then you showed up.”

Buffy giggled again, unable to stop herself.

“Well that clears it up I guess,” she said between laughs. Spike stood cautiously behind her unsure of how to react to the situation. Oz did not change his position. “I guess I’ll leave you two to it!” Buffy whispered as they rediscovered each others’ eyes. Spike gripped her hand lightly and led her to the backyard.

“Happy birthday,” he whispered as he kissed her temple. She didn’t know why, but she couldn’t help but feel that everything was weirdly perfect.

How long could it last?

Prom was just around the corner and Buffy found herself without a date. Of course, Spike was volunteering, but it wasn’t the same. Buffy wanted the whole thing: the corsage, the limo with her best friends, and dancing under the stars (or balloons, depending on the 80s movie she was picturing). Most of all, she wanted to walk down the stairs and meet her date at the bottom. But no. Those kinds of things never happened for her.

The plan was to meet him there, possibly share a few hurried kisses and to go home alone. The thought made her stomach drop, but what else could she do? Buffy sighed as she walked through the halls of her soon-to-be-forgotten school.

He had been bugging her to make a decision on a college for the last several weeks. Spike’s persistence was comforting and yet frustrating beyond all reason. It reminded her that she was indeed leaving, and for New York no less. Buffy resolved to tell him during prom so as to not cause a scene. He wouldn’t cause a scene in a public place, would he? She knew she was putting him in a bad position but genuinely believed it the best course of action, even though the idea left a sick feeling in her stomach as she made her way to his office.

…………………………………….

Spike had a sick feeling in his stomach. Something was up with Buffy and he couldn’t quite figure out what. She seemed typical Buffy for the most part, but every so often he caught a glimpse of sadness or fear or even longing. He couldn’t make heads or tails of it, but he didn’t want to mention it. God knows he tried, but she brushed it off as if it were nothing. “A bad day,” or some rot. She hadn’t even picked a school and even he knew the deadlines were soon if they hadn’t already passed. What was she waiting for? A small part of him hoped she couldn’t decide because she wanted to stay with him, but he knew she could choose a school nearby if that was her only dilemma.

Spike sighed. He wanted to help but did not know how; he selfishly wanted her to stay in Sunnydale. Was it so wrong? She was the anchor that kept him steady. The door rang slightly with the new bell he hung on the knob for him and Buffy’s sake. Everything I do, I do for her, he thought to himself resignedly.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey yourself,” Spike replied, refusing to notice the distance between them, although they were only a few feet away.

…………………………………….

Prom night for the most part was better than expected. Buffy explained to her parents that she was going stag and not ashamedly, either, to their chagrin. Willow and Oz showed up with a black stretch limo and they each handed her a corsage, knowing why she was alone. The gesture almost brought tears to her eyes, but she politely thanked them and jumped in the car instead. Just as she predicted, Spike attempted a few stolen kisses in the broom closet next to the gym.

“Spike…” Buffy began breathlessly.

“Yes pet?”

“I want to talk to you about something.”

“Mhmm, what’s that? You have any naughty ideas for tonight?” he chuckled lightly.

“No, I mean… well yes, but that’s not the point…”

“Tell me love, what do you want?” he whispered heatedly against her neck.

“Spike, listen to me, I’m trying to tell you something here!”

“Ok, ok,” he said chuckling as he nibbled on her ear. “What is it?”

“No Spike, stop,” She murmured helplessly as his ministrations began to affect her. Knowing she was serious he backed away, but a smile still curved at his lips.

“What is it pet?”

“I’m going to school in New York,” she stated quietly.

“What?” he responded, the smile frighteningly frozen on his face.

“I said…” Buffy breathed in heavily, her voice slightly shaken, “I’m going to New York.”

“New York?!” he exclaimed a little louder than he’d intended. “You couldn’t go to school here?”

“No! Spike, I… this is just how everything fell into place! It’s the perfect program for me and-“

“What, there are no other programs in California?!”

“Of course there are! But my parents want me to go to New York. They think its best.”

Spike was silent as he contemplated her words. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“How long have you known?”

“I’ve known for a while…”

“A while?! And you, what? Thought you’d tell me about this now?” He felt his face turning red.

“Spike! I have to do what’s right for me and what’s right for me is in New York!”

“So… what? Am I wrong for you?!” Buffy did not respond.

“You’ve known this was wrong…” she whispered as her eyes welled up with tears. Spike’s mouth opened and closed, speechless for the first time in the conversation.

“You’re trying to get away from me,” he stated in a monotone.

“No, Spike you aren’t listening! My parents, they-“

“Why are you doing this to me?” he said as he started to tear up.

“I’m not, I swear. They aren’t letting me choose!”

“Buffy you are an adult now! That means making your own choices!”

“I know, but I don’t have a choice!” she screamed as she stamped her foot.

“You do, Buffy, you do. And it seems like you just made yours.” With that, Spike slammed the door behind him and shuddered terribly. He heard soft cries from inside but he was too angry to move. Too angry to speak. Angry at himself for letting it get so far, for his emotional outburst and for letting the girl of his dreams cry in a broom closet on her prom night. He was a bad, rude man.

Spike leaned against the cool wall. What have I done?

One week later

Buffy sniffled as she kicked a pebble down the road. Spike was being completely unfair with her. He hadn’t spoken to her since prom night; he even seemed removed in class. Willow hadn’t been much help, telling her over and over again that their “breakup” (as she called it) was for the best. After all, Buffy was moving clear across the country, right?

But it can’t be for the best! Not when it hurts so much, she spoke aloud. She quickly looked around in case anyone was watching her, but she was the only one on the street. Wanting music to match the mood, she clicked on her iPod and played Johnny Cash’s version of “Hurt”. Sighing heavily, Buffy shook off the feeling and kicked the pebble farther down the road.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

He wasn’t watching her. He didn’t care about her; if he did, he wouldn’t have broken her heart so maliciously. Her Spike was completely unfeeling to her predicament. And there it was, “her” Spike. He didn’t really seem like hers.

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

Buffy hugged her arms tightly around her. She just missed him. Well, not just. She missed him terribly and she felt like a stupid kid for thinking it could work. And he had told her to pick a school!! Granted she already had… but still.

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

A tear rolled down her cheek and she didn’t bother wiping it away. Maybe he was better off with Drusilla, keeping her in an attic in his house like a caged animal. Maybe he just liked the control. Buffy felt confused and naive. In a small fit of anger, she kicked the pebble too far away.

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

But that was just it, wasn’t it? Of course Spike didn’t want her to leave him, but it was more than that. He didn’t think she could be on her own! He wanted to take care of her and he couldn’t do that if she was across the country in New York. Since the beginning, our relationship was about teacher and student, but now the balance of power is equalizing and he can’t handle it! Buffy gave herself a mental pat on the back for her breakthrough and for her choice of vocabulary.

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Or maybe it was all in her head: she didn’t know. The thought popped in her head to give him another show through the window. Buffy shook her head back and forth. It wouldn’t prove anything beside her desperation. The ball was in his court now and if he really wanted her, the way she wanted him, then he’d do something about it.

She wasn’t just the girl next door, right?

…………………………………….

Spike watched Buffy from afar. Hiding behind a tree like the creepy stalker he knew he was being, Spike saw her kick at the ground in frustration. Part of him hoped it was about him, but that was a lot to ask considering how he had treated her. He couldn’t forgive himself. Spike didn’t even know what to think anymore. When had his life become so complicated? He blamed Dru for his problems…

But that was just it, wasn’t it? He was doing just what Dru did to stay together. Dru had lied to him about her pregnancy to keep him on a leash. Hell, he’d married her for it! And here he was guilting Buffy into staying with him. What did I expect from her? he mumbled.

He was terrified of losing her. In fact, the single week they’d remained apart had been more torturous than anything he’d experienced. Spike began following to and from school mid week and while he wasn’t proud of his actions, he could not stop himself. He itched for her, yearned for her. He couldn’t even imagine life if she moved away.

Spike knew he was too attached, but he ached when she wasn’t in his arms. He’d let it go too far and there was no going back.

There was only one thing to do.

Spike breathed in and out deeply, closed his eyes and walked back to school.

…………………………………….

Buffy stared at the clock deciding if it was broken. She could have sworn she heard it ticking, but it didn’t seem like it was moving. Maybe it broke at the exact same time yesterday? Or at 11am that morning? The doorbell interrupted her reverie. Buffy did not want to hope it was him, but it did not stop her legs from moving a little quicker than usual to get to the door. Almost out of breath from going down the stairs,
Buffy jerked the door open only to find no one there.

Maybe someone ding-dong-ditched her? She tried not to let her disappointment color her voice as her mother asked who it was from inside. “It’s no one, mom. Just some neighborhood…” she gasped at the sight on the ground before finishing, “kids.”

On the ground before her door lay a large, red rose and a white poster-board with, “Meet You Upstairs” written in black marker. Buffy looked around excitedly, but found no one near the door. After collecting the items, she shut the door and ran upstairs. To her grave disappointment, she did not find Spike up in her room. Although she wasn’t quite sure how he would have managed that feet, considering she had been in there since she came home from school.

Suddenly, a light flickered from across the street. Buffy almost tripped over a pile of clothes in her spastic attempt to get to her window. The light came from a flashlight in Spike’s bedroom window. Just then, she noticed a CD on her desk that said “Play Me”. Looking out across the street, she saw spike open his window and shine his flashlight on a white board similar to the one she found on her doorstep. It said:

PLAY THE CD

Buffy smiled at his antics, but was still a little wary. She wondered how he even managed to get the CD in her room without her noticing. Just then, she noticed a new sign in his window:

I KNOW, I’M A MAGICIAN.

Jackass, she thought to herself as she put the CD into her 90s style boombox. She recognized the tune as Betty Hutton’s “It’s Oh So Quiet” and smiled, figuring she knew where this was going.

It's oh so quiet
shh shh
It's oh so still
shh shh

I AM SORRY, BUFFY the next sign stated.

I AM A JERK.

You're all alone
shh shh
And so peaceful until...

I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GO

WHEREVER YOU WANT TO SCHOOL.

You fall in love
zing boom
The sky up above
zing boom
Is caving in
wow bam
You've never been so nuts about a guy
You wanna laugh you wanna cry
You cross your heart and hope to die

SO IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT, I CAN’T STOP YOU,

BUT IF THAT’S THE CASE

AND IF YOU FORGIVE ME LIKE I CAN’T FORGIVE MYSELF

'Til it's over and then
shh shh
It's nice and quiet
shh shh
But soon again
shh shh
Starts another big riot

I’LL COME WITH YOU.

You blow a fuse
zing boom
The devil cuts loose
zing boom
So what's the use
wow bam
Of falling in love

I KNOW IT’S SUDDEN, BUT I LOVE YOU

AND I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

SO IF YOU’LL HAVE ME

MEET ME OUTSIDE

It's oh so quiet
It's oh so still
You're all alone
And so peaceful until...

Buffy didn’t know what to think. She quickly ran to her computer to get some paper to respond, but it must have told him she chose to meet him outside. Buffy ran outside as the CD continued to blast.

You ring the bell
bim bam
You shout and you yell
hi ho ho
You broke the spell
Gee, this is swell you almost have a fit
This guy is "gorge" and I got hit
There's no mistake this is it

They met with open arms on the street between their two houses.

“Buffy I missed you so much, I love you, please take me back!” He begged between frantic kisses.

“Spike, I-“

“I’ll do anything, I promise.”

'Til it's over and then
It's nice and quiet
shh shh
But soon again
shh shh
Starts another big riot

“What about your job?” she asked, pushing him away. “What about your career?”

“What about my job?”

“I don’t want to be the reason you leave everything behind!” she said as her eyes welled with more emotion than she could handle.

“I gave my two weeks notice. I’m yours Buffy. I don’t want to fight or control you. I’m sick of the lies we tell people, I’m sick of hiding. I just want you. I want us. And I know I’ve been a wanker for a while now but I want to make it up to you.”

“I want you too,” she responded quietly.

You blow a fuse
zing boom
The devil cuts loose
zing boom
What's the use
wow bam
Of falling in love

“Then what’s the problem?” he asked sensing her hesitation.

“I love you Spike, I do. But you can’t just do these spectacularly wonderful, romantic things and expect me to fall all over you every time. You’ll have to work for it, you hear me?”

“I hear you, Buffy. And I won’t be resentful, scouts honor; I can teach anywhere. And I don’t want you to let me come because I’m guilting you into it. You can only say yes if you really want me there.”

“Yes, yes! Of course I want you to come…“ Buffy exclaimed.

“So do I, luv,” he said waggling his eyebrows. Buffy smiled at his antics.

“I don’t know whether to be mad at you or kissing you or-“

“Kissing would definitely be of the good,” he said with a smirk that made her knees tremble.

“What made you even do all this?”

“Well I’m the boy next door, so I just used it to my advantage,” he replied thoughtfully.

“Well it looks like we won’t be neighbors anymore.”

“But then there are always bathroom curtains and other clear surfaces to look through…” he said with a leer that made Buffy laugh.

“I love you,” she said sincerely.

“I love you too, my beautiful Buffy,” he said dearly as he kissed her once again.

The sky caves in
The devil cuts loose
You blow blow blow blow your fuse
When you've fallen in love

ssshhhhhh...



THE END